How Do You Discuss Black Women's Hair In Public?

[Miss_C]

TL;DR: How do you talk about black women's hair when men are around/ in mixed company?

Context: I noticed some of women bemoan the condition of being a black woman and how different our hair is and I wonder if this is contributing to black women's negative PR.

For instance, I was out with a group of friends recently-male and female. We got on the topic of hair, and Lil Duval's recent frequent posting of his daughter's hair while simeltaneously clowning women who wear lace fronts came up. One woman started lamenting the texture differences and how long it takes to do our hair vs. Others and I found myself getting second hand embarrassment, especially since there was an other (type 3) present. I refused to say anything negative because if you don't talk positively about yourself who will? If black men are talking ish and we are co-signing that might be adding to a less than favorable image.

 

[Meli-Melo]

I usually try avoiding this subject in mixed company so I don’t get mad.

 

[Brwnbeauti]

I don’t.
I don’t want non black associates to think they have a voice in conversations about black grooming (with me)

 

[IslandMummy]

I don’t.

 

[hunnychile]

I have a diverse group of friends (usually other black people) in a liberal and economically comfortable area, so I can't say the conversation of Black women's hair has ever come up negatively.

If it did, I keep a shaved head so I would've politely seen myself out of the conversation. But no, I actively avoid commiseration in any instance and I especially wouldn't engage in it if the topic was a perceived negative aspect of black women. Especially around men (black or otherwise) and people of other races. Positive PR only.

 

[Southernbella.]

I talk about how grateful I am that my hair stays clean so long and how I wouldnt be able to deal with having to wash my hair every single day. I also talk about how versatile our hair is.

A Becky on another board once called herself being sympathetic to our hair "plight" but by the time I got done with her she probably wanted to shave her head.

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

I talk about how grateful I am that my hair stays clean so long and how I wouldnt be able to deal with having to wash my hair every single day. I also talk about how versatile our hair is.

A Becky on another board once called herself being sympathetic to our hair "plight" but by the time I got done with her she probably wanted to shave her head.

 

[MizzBFly]

I highlight the reasons behind the misconception on why? all the things my LCFC ladies know:

I use it as a teachable moment and highlight the reprogramming that’s required with older women and not allowing this mindset to influence our children. And if white folks hear, then it’s 2 birds one stone
I stand on that soapbox for a minute and it always leads to more positive conversations on growth. Silence can also be viewed as complicity.

 

[LivingInPeace]

I talk about it around men, with men, whenever and wherever. I talk about how much I love my natural hair, how I don’t run from the rain, how versatile it is, how long it is compared to the shrinkage. I talk it up baby and I don’t go along with any negativity. When a woman complains about her hair being nappy or saying natural hair is too much work, I say that I too spent most of my life being brainwashed into thinking that there was some inherently wrong with my hair. Then I add that if your natural hair is too much work you’re probably trying to make it do what it doesn’t do naturally.

 

[oneastrocurlie]

I only talk about black women's hair among other black women and sometimes even then it's exhausting .

 

[FoxxyLocs]

If I'm talking about hair in mixed company, it's always something positive. But I genuinely see our hair in a positive light so it's not like I'm going out of my way to avoid negativity. Honestly I don't even associate with people who think black hair is nappy and terrible, so it's really never come up. All the black women I work with are natural and have beautiful hair, so when we talk about our hair everyone else is just staring at us with envy and wishing they could contribute to the conversation.

 

[larry3344]

I keep racial subjects with bw only. I don't give my nonblack friends an in to discuss any racial topics although they have tried, often

 

[I Am So Blessed]

I love talking about the beauty of our hair no matter where and who's around if the subject comes up.

I had a white boss who said to me "Black women have the skin and We (white women) have the hair". I said "we have the skin and hair and our hair is thicker". I consigned her compliments on our skin, but I would not agree with her back handed diss on our hair cuz Missy your hair ain't better than mine. I say this with no ego.

One time I was in the Dollar General and a black women cashier was telling her white girl co-worker what isle a certain hair product belonged (It was Edge Control) then she said "thats for them with THAT RUFF STUFF". I burned in my stomach when she said that! I was appalled really. So y'all can get a visual, the white girl had long blonde hair and the black woman had a thick weave.

Another time I was food shopping and when I got to the checkout I complimented the young black woman on her natural hair and the style. Oh boy why did I do that?! That triggered her to go off about how she "Can't stand her hair" She proceeded to complain and put it down while a white woman was right behind me to be next.
Both incidents were embarrassing.

One time my Grandmother said that I have SLAVE hair and I thought "and?" Slaves were black right? I am black right?...ok.

Love my Grandmother, when she looks at my hair (with eyes full of wisdom) I see a hot comb in the reflection of her pupils.

What's this thread about again?...oh yeah, I make it a point to speak with admiration for our hair when the subject comes up.

 

[mrselle]

I'm sensitive about hair because family members often made comments about my hair when I was growing up. As a result, I keep all comments about hair, no matter the texture, no matter the company, positive. White women tend to ask me questions about my daughters (they all have a different texture). Most often I hear,
"They all have different hair. Its all so beautiful. How do you care for it?" I keep my answer short and simple. When asked what I put on one daughter's hair to make it curly, I tell them water. When asked what I put on their hair to make it smell good, I tell them shampoo and conditioner. When they comment on the length I say, "Yeah, it grows." Hair is hair is hair.

 

[I Am So Blessed]

I don’t.
I don’t want non black associates to think they have a voice in conversations about black grooming (with me)

because you know they will try too!!

They can just take a trip to YouTube University, all our secrets are right there.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I only talk about black women's hair among other black women and sometimes even then it's exhausting .

When I cut my natural hair into a fade, another BW at work with a shaved head goes, "natural hair is so HARD, people just don't understand."

My face "Uhm, I just needed a fresh start. I loved my natural hair."

 

[oneastrocurlie]

When I cut my natural hair into a fade, another BW at work with a shaved head goes, "natural hair is so HARD, people just don't understand."

My face "Uhm, I just needed a fresh start. I loved my natural hair."

I actually laughed out loud.

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

I’ve stopped talking about hair with everyone except 2 of my friends who are both black women.

The only white people ive talked to about hair recently have been some of DHs coworkers who are about to foster a little black girl. And it was because they asked my advice.

I find it frustrating to talk to everyone to talk about AA hair, even other black women

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I actually laughed out loud.

In my mind I was like, "well that took a turn."

People were noticing and complimenting how it suited me then she just busts out with that. Well alrighty then.

 

[I Am So Blessed]

In my mind I was like, "well that took a turn."

People were noticing and complimenting how it suited me then she just busts out with that. Well alrighty then.

LOL I can picture this scene!

 

[DarkJoy]

In all black company I will surely shame the black person who talks sideways about what comes out their scalp. no joke. did it last month with a bw in her 50s acting like we got poop for hair. She ain't come at me since.

In mixed race company I say nothing and find myself needing to take a call elsewhere.

 

[weaveadiva]

I had a white boss who said to me "Black women have the skin and We (white women) have the hair". I said "we have the skin and hair and our hair is thicker".

Love the way you handled this. The nerve of this woman

 

[I Am So Blessed]

In all black company I will surely shame the black person who talks sideways about what comes out their scalp. no joke. did it last month with a bw in her 50s acting like we got poop for hair. She ain't come at me since.

In mixed race company I say nothing and find myself needing to take a call elsewhere.

Speaking of which, I was ashamed of the way Sheryl Underwood ridiculed our hair on the "View". Her attiitude towards it was just like you described...As if "Got poop for hair."

Talk about a punch in the gut.

I mention this without holding any grudge.

 

[I Am So Blessed]

Love the way you handled this. The nerve of this woman

Thanks, she had no replay after i said it either. My feelings/thoughts were "Lady if you think I'm going to stand here and complain and hate my hair you better think again". I knew where she wanted go.

Expected me to go along with her whole statement with a dismayed voice like "yeah you guys DO have the hair."
PLEASE.

 

[onyxdreams]

I had a yt man tell me that BW don't like to ride with the top down od convertible cars. I said," really that's a first, I know I enjoy it." He said another BW told him that because she wears wigs.

 

[Stormy]

I had a yt man tell me that BW don't like to ride with the top down od convertible cars. I said," really that's a first, I know I enjoy it." He said another BW told him that because she wears wigs.

And so he assumed all BW are like this. Good you let him know otherwise.

 

[Southernbella.]

And so he assumed all BW are like this. Good you let him know otherwise.

Nah I bet she really did say "black women don't..."

Just like Monique went on national television and announced that black women don't shave.

I wish silly bw would leave the rest of us out of their foolishness.

 

[Stormy]

The only time I can remember discussing my hair in mixed company is when a WW might compliment my bun, or the usual you're always changing your hair! comment since they just don't understand. Other than this, never any negative comments from WW or BM and if anything the men that I speak to are all supportive of the natural hair movement and lifestyle. I love my hair! If anyone ever did speak negatively to me I'd shut 'em down with the quickness.

 

[KimPossibli]

I try not to discuss it at all

 

[Miss_C]

For the people saying they don't discuss it at all, does this change when the group is all black (male and female)? I get not wanting to say anything around Becky and nem but what if it's just us?