Naturals...I am so afraid...Please help

[Sexyred]

I am afraid of wearing my hair out, in about three weeks I will be taking out my braids that I have had for about three months and I am very afraid of wearing my hair out. Since my BC last december I have not worn my hair out, it is always in braids or a wig. Frankly, I am getting tired of wearing either. I have about 6-8 inches of 4a/4b hair and I love it and want to wear it out but I am afraid of how it will look, how people will react (not that important to me, but I still think about it) and lastly how I am going to feel about wearing it out. I just don't know anymore..So for all the naturals out there with TWA, BAA, BC's this is my question to you. Were you or are you afraid of wearing your hair out? and how did you feel when you wore it out for the first time? TIA

 

[ladylibra]

i just posted a response on another board for someone having a similar problem, so i hope it helps you as well:

if you look in my Fotki, i had on my SO's shirt when i first BCd and i just looked at myself in the mirror like, "dang i look like a cute little boy." but i girlied myself up and then i noticed, "wow, with no hair to distract from my face you can see how big my eyes are... how prominent my cheekbones are... what a long, elegant neck i have... and dang i DO have a really nice-shaped head!"

it's definitely a change that takes a minute to get used to. but honestly, i never felt as pretty as i did when i had no hair on my head. it really made me appreciate and love my own looks more than any hairstyle ever did... it gave me a certain confidence. even now, if i have a bad hair day i just tell myself, "well whatever, i know i'm still cute."

now you, OP, have more hair to deal with than i did. you have an opportunity to STYLE your hair and look mad fly. whatever style you decide on, rock it like you own it and i bet you will be fabulous.

 

[BklynHeart]

I didn't have a problem because I had enough hair to twist up and do different things. After you wash your hair, why don't you twist it until it's dry and then unravel it? you will have a nice texture and you can pin up the front and leave the back out, or twist it where there's a side part so when you unravel it there's a shape. Or a nice headband will help too.

 

[donewit-it]

When I sport my natural hair out, I feel like a QUEEN with a crown. You seem to have about the same length as I do, so I know you can sport a nice fro, WNG, whatever and let it frame your face. Hold your head up high like you are the SHYT! Damn it

 

[QT]

I feel your pain. I’m natural w/ about 4-5 in’, I’m like you I have been rocking a wig to allow my hair to grow. August, my hair will make its début. I will get my hair pressed (flat ironed) until it reverts. And there after I will be doing twits outs, braid out, roller sets or whatever comes to mind. I don’t press my hair too often (once a month) so I will have to visit the board for support and hair styles.

The reason for me being scared is I work in “corp. America” and always wore my wigs, it’s funny how they think it’s my hair. I'm happy for this thread b/c I'm about to give up my wigs and were MY hair . I'm a little nervous to say the leasterplexed . I don’t want to get stuck in a corporate state of mind, and wear my hair w/ confidence.

 

[kweenameena]

I can't lie...I was a little afraid to wear it out. Mostly at work because I work in a corporate environment and there are not many of us here. I never see any loose naturals (unless they are of the type 3 variety).

Once I wore it out...I did get stares. Some folk even stopped talking to me for a minute because they didn't know if I was gonna come at them with some black militancy to go along with my "fight the power" fro.

But now they all come to my office to see how I have my hair styled.
I actually feel quite special being the only natural head here. And I've been able to encourage one of my coworkers to go natural. She just did her final BC this week!!
Whatever you do....wear your natural hair with confidence. If you have none, it will show.
Accept and embrace that God gave you this hair for a reason. And God don't make mistakes. It's beautiful. Don't conform to the standard. Create a new one!
Make sure you moisturize!!!!
Start wearing it out around the house and on the weekends. Maybe try some cute scarves, headbands or a knee-high to pull it off your face again. And use a lite gel for the edges.
You'll be fine! Make sure you report back and let us know how you felt when you unleashed the fro!

 

[kweenameena]

When I sport my natural hair out, I feel like a QUEEN with a crown. Hold your head up high like you are the SHYT! Damn it

Yes yes yes!!!!!!!!!

I so feel like somebody's nubian goddess or something everytime I wear my fro!

 

[NYCQT16]

I just wanted to let you know that I have the same problem. I started wearing twists and then like a afro puff ponytail. To be honest I have yet to wear my 'fro loud & proud as I would like cuz I'm also am afraid of reactions.

One of my goals for Summer '08 is to wear my 'fro out at least once. I think it's one of those things that if you want to do you are just gonna have to go ahead and do it. I don't think you can plan or think about it because you might overanalyze it to death (like me).

 

[ladylibra]

The reason for me being scared is I work in “corp. America” and always wore my wigs, it’s funny how they think it’s my hair.

i was working for "corp. America" when i BC'd.

now i work 4 days a week in a restaurant, the other 3 days in an office that is more "business casual corp. America" and still nobody has a problem with my natural hair or the variety of styles i wear it in.

 

[QT]

i was working for "corp. America" when i BC'd.

now i work 4 days a week in a restaurant, the other 3 days in an office that is more "business casual corp. America" and still nobody has a problem with my natural hair or the variety of styles i wear it in.

I think it's MY state of mind is holding me backerplexed. I like long hair and my natural is shorter. At times I wear my natural on the wkends to get the feel of not having hair on my back. I'm soooo ready however my goal is August and I'm doing research on different styles.

 

[eunique]

I was afraid to wear my hair out as well. I got braids right after my bc because I had planned to get them anyway. I told people about the BC at school (I go to Howard), but nobody saw it because my hair was braided. I went to a program we had at school called My Black Is Beautiful! and though the program was about skin color prejudice and the like we ended up talking about hair and some stupid comments and insightful ones led me to go head and take my braids out and wear my hair. It was really exhilirating. I got some ignorant comments from some people but most people liked it and it sparked a lot of dialogue. I truly think that you'll be just fine when you decide to wear it out. You can do it girl!

 

[discodumpling]

OP,
For you and all my other sisters who are afraid to take this next step I wish you courage. Courage to BE.

I work in corporate America & have not had any issue at all since I BC'd. I regulary attend client meetings with my plaits, messy fro (it has absolutely no structure right now!), twists...however I feel like wearing my hair.
Just yesterday I was at a meeting for a prominent brokerage house here in NYC and I was like this when the person chairing the meeting was a black woman with frizzy cornrows

 

[Sexyred]

Thanks everyone for the replies. I think I just need a little confidence. I love my hair as I said before, I do work in corporate america but I am really not worried about that part. I am more freaked out by how I might look, because I have a big head and a round face. I am going to try wearing out on the weekends as kweenameena suggested and see how I like that.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

I was a little afraid to wear my hair out when I bc'd because I had no more than 1/4"-1/2" of hair, it was really short. I didn't like to wear wigs and I've never wore extensions so I had no other choice. I thought I would get weird stares, but no one paid attention to me or stared at me like I was crazy. My friends just said "Oh, you cut off all your hair" and a couple of male friends told me that I looked nice enough to pull that look off. I'm glad I did it, faced my fear, that is, and I've enjoyed every stage of my natural journey.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

Thanks everyone for the replies. I think I just need a little confidence. I love my hair as I said before, I do work in corporate america but I am really not worried about that part. I am more freaked out by how I might look, because I have a big head and a round face. I am going to try wearing out on the weekends and see how I like that.

That's a good ideal, to wear it out on the weekends, that way, you'll get comfortable with what you feel other's reactions will be. I have a friend that works in corporate america and she wears her hair proudly, and her co-workers are always inquiring about her hair in a positive way. Good luck!!!

 

[oooop2]

i just posted a response on another board for someone having a similar problem, so i hope it helps you as well:

if you look in my Fotki, i had on my SO's shirt when i first BCd and i just looked at myself in the mirror like, "dang i look like a cute little boy." but i girlied myself up and then i noticed, "wow, with no hair to distract from my face you can see how big my eyes are... how prominent my cheekbones are... what a long, elegant neck i have... and dang i DO have a really nice-shaped head!"

it's definitely a change that takes a minute to get used to. but honestly, i never felt as pretty as i did when i had no hair on my head. it really made me appreciate and love my own looks more than any hairstyle ever did... it gave me a certain confidence. even now, if i have a bad hair day i just tell myself, "well whatever, i know i'm still cute."

now you, OP, have more hair to deal with than i did. you have an opportunity to STYLE your hair and look mad fly. whatever style you decide on, rock it like you own it and i bet you will be fabulous.

This is exactly how I felt. I think that is why I wore a BC for 8 straight years.

 

[naturalgurl]

I did think about people's reactions, but I was just too proud of how thick my hair was natural. Now I did wear braids a lot for my transition but I would try to wear it out but didn't know how to care for my hair. It looked dry. Once I got the education I found here that's when I really started wearing my hair out. I had just taken out my senegalese twists and for two months I struggled with my hair. Then when I was looking for help I finally found it on BHM. So now that it's not dry and crazy anymore I have no problem wearing it out. So don't be so shy about it. Your hair will be beautiful because you know how to take care of it. Go some place where no one knows you and wear a puff. That's a great ice breaker. Once you see people looking at your hair and YOU as beauty you won't go back.

 

[InnerSoul]

scarfs always works wonders for me. I have a TWA at the moment but girl strut your fro!!!! I personally cannot wait for mine to get bigger. Also try twists styles! Once you start styling your hair you will be more confident about your hair. Play around with it and sport it!!

much love, InnerSoul

 

[eshille]

The only way WE could open the doors to corporate America was to straighten/relax our hair so you ladies would have the opportunity to walk in and prosper.

If we COULD have gone in w/our 'Power To The People' hair many would have, hence your feelings this day would be very different.

It makes ME very proud to see the Energy of our heritage enter w/such grace and in the face of both public and personal scrutiny.

Many walked before you...walk proudly..WE walked for YOU...

Namaste

 

[musiclova]

Thanks everyone for the replies. I think I just need a little confidence. I love my hair as I said before, I do work in corporate america but I am really not worried about that part. I am more freaked out by how I might look, because I have a big head and a round face. I am going to try wearing out on the weekends and see how I like that.

Hi Sexyred! Let me tell you...I had the same fear when I bc'd in Jan 08...I THOUGHT I had a big head and I actually do have a round face also...After all of those layers of hair were cut off I saw that my head was not as big as I thought. All those years of being relaxed I thought I had a big head but I actually didn't...If you do have a big head *** what people say or think...Do you! I think I have my fotki attached here...If not I will attach it anyway so you can go in and take a look at my big ole round face...lol...Anyhoo, girl embrace your beauty just like the other ladies so eloquently put it . I thought I was cursed to have a round face but it makes you unique...I say just enhance your natural beauty and hair with some accessories and a little make up if it makes you feel more comfortable...I'm not saying you need makeup but this is a time where I tried some different makeup looks just to take my mind off of my hair being so short...I'm about to start rambling...So I just wanted to add my two cents and let you know that you are not alone at all in the way you feel bc many of us have been there and know how you feel...It's just one of the humps you have to get over because whether we want to realize it or not sometimes our hair becomes a security blanket and we start defining ourselves through our hair...Not that you are doing this but it does happen for some of us...Good luck!

 

[tinkat]

Girl I feel you on this one. I just wore my hair out for the first time in November. I was natural for over a year. I was nervous bc it was completely different from what I was use to. I was afraid I was going to mess it up. But when I finally wore it out, I wished that I would have done it sooner. My family actually saw my hair for the first time over memorial holiday weekend and they loved it. It won't be as bad as you think and if you do get negative feedback, ignore it. It feels good to wear my hair out bc I feel like I am not hiding anything which in turn gives me confidence.

 

[Whimsy]

Girl!!!! Don't stress it!!! Try a WNG and see how it looks. IF you don't like it, try a twistout/braidout/bunout...

I have a feeling you're going to LOVE your natural hair because it's naturally you, and you're going to rock it with ferociousness!!!

I BC'd and was working in corporate america, then went on to get a new job w/ my fro flowing on the interview.

SCREW what people will think.

You're going to love it, i'm sure of it.

 

[LadyEuphoria007]

I understand how you feel. You just have to just do it. I started out small by rockin my TWA a Wal-Mart the weekend I cut it.

Then on Monday when it was time for work, I pretending like nothig had changed and just went to work.

I got the from lots of folks at work BUT there were also a lot that were supportive.

I had about 2 inches of hair at my BC. It does make you realize things about yourself though.

It's crazy how we are afraid to wear our own hair.

If you don't have confidence, fake it till you do. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL no matter if your hair is long, short, kinky, curly, wavy or whatever.

GL on your journey.
{BiB}

 

[Soliel185]

I know how you feel. The last two times I was natural I never wore my hair out. It was always in box braids w/o extensions. So I was obviously natural, but not OUT.

My avatar and siggy are from my last bout with natural hair - I took out my braids and I had SO many emotions. I was elated and in with my fro, but at the same time I was too scared to leave my house.I even wore aviators in almost EVERY pic I took of my hair. Like a disguise. I holed up in my house for 2 days. My SO was out of town for the weekend, and I kind of panicked. I ran to the BSS and grabbed 2 boxes of relaxer b/c I didn't have the courage to be myself that Monday at work or in front of the Man that I supposedly loved.

When I first relaxed, I didn't regret it, but I do now. When I look at the pics it makes me sad. I think part of the problem was my hair was already SO big. I could wear a TWA out the house, you see people with that all the time. But a giant BAA? On someone who's already 5'8"? Not so much. I'm transitioning now and my plan is to be more involved with my hair during the grow out, so when it gets to that size it's not such a shock. I think you have the perfect amount of hair to start testing yourself with - if you can't wear it out, it's long enough to twist, or make a puff with so you can ease into it.

It's a personal hurdle - but I know you can get over it. And I know that I can get over it too! FREE THE FRO!

 

[ladylibra]

The only way WE could open the doors to corporate America was to straighten/relax our hair so you ladies would have the opportunity to walk in and prosper.

If we COULD have gone in w/our 'Power To The People' hair many would have, hence your feelings this day would be very different.

It makes ME very proud to see the Energy of our heritage enter w/such grace and in the face of both public and personal scrutiny.

Many walked before you...walk proudly..WE walked for YOU...

Namaste

i'm sorry... i read this post several times and i really don't know what the heck you are talking about. are you mad that we are saying it's okay to wear natural hairstyles in corporate America?

i'm not being smart-elec, i really don't know what message you're trying to get across...

 

[Ms Lala]

I was nervous the first time I wore my natural hair out. WHen I first cut it I wore is slicked down w/gel. I brushed real well and sat under the dryer so it wasn't really out to so much. THe first time I really wore a natural store I wore baby dreds/single strand twists. I did my make up really cute, threw on some hoops and looked confident even though I was super nervous!!!! However I grew into the look and now I prefer my hair textured vs. straight.

 

[**Glamourlicious**]

I didn't have a problem because I had enough hair to twist up and do different things. After you wash your hair, why don't you twist it until it's dry and then unravel it? you will have a nice texture and you can pin up the front and leave the back out, or twist it where there's a side part so when you unravel it there's a shape. Or a nice headband will help too.

Great thread I just BC'd last night and I am afraid as well but eager to. Do you have any pictures of the above style?

 

[Sexyred]

bumping for more response......bump

 

[Angkin73]

I know how you feel. It took me 3 mths to work up the nerve to do my BC. I used to watch this lady every day at work walk around with her fro. You could tell she was so proud of her hair. She is a nurse. There are other women at my job that has natural hair, but none of them sport a fro like hers. I loved it, but I was still scared to take the plunge.

I finnaly did it one night and choped it all off. I got a lot of support from friends that told me it looked good on me. I work with physical and mental handicap people. And one of the girls always asks me how I get my hair so curly, and that she want hers that curly to.

Alot of my family didn't care for it, which really hurt, but I just tell them to deal with it, its not their hair. The majority of my family has naturally straight hair, the ones that don't have it relaxed.

Anyway, after I BC'ed, I felt like a weight had been lifted. I relized this was how I was always ment to wear my hair. I love it to this day

All I can say is to do it when you feel its the right time for you. And when you do decide to take the plunge, I just know you will love it.

 

[**Glamourlicious**]

Well....I am back to tell u....I stepped out last night....I did it! You can do it girl. My friends told me it was cute...different but cute. U should just go for it...I promise its not as bad as u think...