Naturals: Where you ever EMBARASSED of your hair or TEXTURE?

[kurlybella]

i will admit that even though i'm a very racially conscious person and one who strives to NEVER support intra racial racist things -- like your too black or too nappy, that when i went natural, my feeling were really put to the test.

for me, it really was very emotional because even though i knew such feelings were wrong, i had some of them about my hair. i started to feel that my texture was just fine, but how would others accept it. so for me, it was more social acceptance.

i'm not ashamed to admit this now and never will be again. having years of subconscious and conscious teaching of nappy is bad...good hair is the best, i had no idea that this monster of black hate would effect me the way it did when i finally was faced with my hair.

i know some transition with no problem, but i wonder how many can say that just as easily.

i honestly think that going natural is more emotional than many black women will admit that they may have experienced or are still suffering through.

there are still so many women that want to go natural, but won't because they say "i don't have the texture for that."

did any of you experience any of the emotional things that come with truly accepting your hair without it being covered up with relaxer?

 

[Neith]

I'm not natural, but I'm still nappy. I have been natural recently and even went through a short transition and BC.


I used to THINK that it was my texture I was embarassed of. I had no idea how healthy kinky hair looks or behaved... I had no idea that it can be long, beautiful and thick.

The good hair, bad hair thing... I was pretty much cured from when I first learned about hair types and textures.

 

[thefineprint]

No, sorry. Transitioning and going natural was a great experience for me. My husband loves my hair and I had full support from family and friends. Going natural was the best thing I ever did - because it taught me to stop placing my values on the opinions of people I don't even care about.

 

[Kurly K]

i was scared the texture of my hair may have been unmanagable after the bc and my mom convinced me that my hair would b a nappy mess

 

[JustKiya]

I was natural much longer than I was relaxed (grew up natural, first perm (at my begging) at 13, let it break off, second perm at 18, stayed relaxed til 21/22, natural since) so, no, I never felt ashamed of my texture.

Thought my hair looked like who did what and why? Oh, hells yeah, I'm not going to front like it's all been good hair days - but I never blamed the 'bad hair days' on my texture - 1a's have bad hair days too, ya know?

I've also never had anyone step to me (or comment on) my hair negatively, either.......

 

[MekyakaKinkerbelle]

I was never embarassed of my texture. I embraced it from the very first BC. However, most of my southern, conservative family STILL asks me everytime they see me "When am going to perm that nappy stuff." And now that I'm pregnant with a daughter, they all threaten to put a relaxer in her hair the first time they get her alone (and I tell them it will be the last time they're alone with her too).

I think the emotional of going natural can manifest itself in many ways. It can be self-doubt rising personal perception, and self-doubt developing when you are a circle amongst a sea of squares.

I also think, to some degree, it matters WHEN you went natural. Those that have transitioned recently, IMO, have less of the "other influence" to deal with because it is becoming much more "acceptable" to be natural. The personal perception thing though, that will NEVER go away.

 

[CheLala13]

I'm not going to lie, I am/was concerned about how my hair will look. My hair is healthy, but I'm transitioning right now... I have no idea how my natural hair will look so I'm scared. I've grown up with "just relax your hair..." like many black women. Just yesterday my dad said "When someone has natural hair, they look like a savage. They look like they came from a hut in the middle of Africa." I asked him "So what do you propose someone do with it?"....He couldn't come up with an answer. I'm slowly but surely changing my views on having natural hair.

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

Yes I have been. I've always envied the people who seem to be so confident right off the bat.

You are so right about BCing being a true test. My best friend is my only support for being natural. My husband, family all hate it, so it's made me think a lot about why I want to be natural. I cried when I BC'd and saw my hair in its true form and immediately flat ironed it the next day and hid it with a scarf. It really took me a good month to start loving it and now I love it more than ever, but there are still times that I feel insecure.

I know that it's not going to be an immediate turn around...I've been relaxing since I was 10 or so and I've been natural since 3 months ago. It takes time to change a whole lifetime worth of thinking.

 

[msmills2U]

No Im not embarrased.....but what does piss me off are black men who don't embrace natural hair and they want me to relax or straighten it.

 

[cmesweet]

I wasn't afraid of what my hair looked like because I didnt get a perm until I was in highschool. However, I was uncomfortable when around alot of so called " down" African Americans because this is the population of people that tend to dislike my natural hair texture. However, I am actually glad about some of my negative experiences, it helped me to ground myself, stay true and discover my values.

 

[Marand13]

I was never embarrassed of my natural hair! I believe that every person should be comfortable with who they are and what they have despite what others may think.
That being said there have only been a few people who have spoken negatively about my hair. People of other races always stop and complement as well as other black individuals. The haters were always the ones who were weaved up and had nothing underneath lol.

 

[BostonMaria]

I wasn't embarrassed of my texture, but it was a long process accepting my new look. I felt like I looked sooooo different. I mean, to this day I still have people do a double take or it takes them a few seconds to recognize me LOL I kid you not.

I love my hair, I love the texture, I love the curls... what I hate is shrinkage and I'm not used to that yet. Frizz at the top of my head is all new to me. Its been a gradual process and its definitely alot better than it was 10 months ago.

 

[natural2008]

I wore my hair in braids for years to grow out my perm and finally decided to stop wearing braids in mid March. When I saw my natural hair texture I was a bit embarassed because it looked dry and short and I did not know what to do with it or what products to use. I have wasted so much money trying out all of these different hair products, but I figure it is trial and error. To this day I am still trying to figure out what works and what does not. When I began to read and educate myself on natural hair I began to see that a lot of products that i had at home were not good which had a major effect on how my hair looked. Now 4 months later I still sometimes feel EMBARASSED by my hair because it is ear length and I feel like I cannot do anything with it until it grows out. My hair was once waist length when i was younger (and chemical free) and I am trying to get that back. I think it just takes time and patience to love our natural hair .

 

[Qt girl]

I'm not going to lie, I am/was concerned about how my hair will look. My hair is healthy, but I'm transitioning right now... I have no idea how my natural hair will look so I'm scared. I've grown up with "just relax your hair..." like many black women. Just yesterday my dad said "When someone has natural hair, they look like a savage. They look like they came from a hut in the middle of Africa." I asked him "So what do you propose someone do with it?"....He couldn't come up with an answer. I'm slowly but surely changing my views on having natural hair.

My family is completely unsupportive of me. My sister WAS natural, but recently relaxed her hair because she didn't feel like she had many styling options as a natural. She continually tells me that her new growth "tricked" her into thinking her hair would be a "good" texture. She's told me that I should just stop transitioning and get a perm. Sometimes I worry that my new growth might be tricking me too. I'm sometimes afraid that as soon as I BC, my hair will be a tangled mess. But most days I don't think that way and I'm so determined to see it through that her comments aren't bothering me as much anymore.

 

[1QTPie]

Never. I like my hair and so far, most everyone else likes it too. the negative stuff (very minor) always came from black folk. Other colored folks are fascinated by my naps. It's very interesting.

I have never had issues in the confidence department. I know I'm fly and you should know it too. ( I kid... a little)

 

[DreadlockedLady0171]

I know that it's not going to be an immediate turn around...I've been relaxing since I was 10 or so and I've been natural since 3 months ago. It takes time to change a whole lifetime worth of thinking.

^^ITA.
It is very true.
I was never embarassed of my hair or texture, never will be.
Even though I classify my hair to be in the 4's, I hate the whole system because it does lend to that embarassment to a degree for some.
My husband is supportive of my hair decisions so I haven't had to deal with stuff from that end.
I could give a rats *** about what anyone else thinks.

 

[Nonie]

Never.

I grew up in Kenya and majority of the people around me had natural hair. We wore it cornrowed most of the time and because it's all we ever knew, it never seemed "difficult" or something we ever imagined not having. Even when I went to boarding school and relaxed, hair was always just hair. No one seemed to care one way or another. The thing I remember is I always wished for hair that was long enough to make a pony-tail (we didn't use the word pony-puff back then) with ease--something I only ever achieved in pre-teen years when my mom cared for my hair--but even then it was a touch-and-go success.

In high school a 3-inch afro was all I could ever grow--particularly because we were not allowed to braid our hair, which was always the way I'd get my hair to grow. I actually believed it was the braids/cornrows that made hair grow; then of course I didn't realize that combing it dry was a no-no. And actually the reason I ever relaxed in the first place was because "jheri curls made hair grow long" and I wanted to achieve that dream that seemed so elusive. I remember I'd transition without giving it a second thought. For instance when school was out or after I completed high school, I'd just put in extension braids so I'd have long hair that I could style in many ways and the relaxed hair would just break off on its own without me losing any sleep over it. No BC or any major plan to "go natural". In fact, I didn't know that "good hair" was ever taken to mean anything else besides clean, healthy, nicely-styled hair; or that "bad hair" meant anything else besides unkempt, dirty hair that looked unhealthy (breaking off, etc) until I came here. I don't even remember if I ever cared for swinging hair. Guess I'd never seen anyone with hair so long that it could swing/move, except other races or mixed kids, and their hair never appealed to me. I remember trying to style my mixed friend's hair once and it was so slippery and difficult to handle, and to my huge surprise, very different from my Cindy doll's hair (a doll that looked like Barbie); Cindy's hair used to be a little stiff and sorta cooperated with you when you were working with it, forming curls when you wanted it to, and staying put when you styled it. I remember feeling sorry for my friend and wondering if she hated having her hair, but I was too kind to dare ask something she couldn't help and make her sad. I think I was in elementary school.

The thing I always admired in people w/ long hair (natural or relaxed) was how many styles they could pull off. Also how quickly they could style it. While I'd take forever trying to perfect my afro, cringing with every hair snapping stroke of my pick, my friends with long hair would quickly have it in a pony tail. And in the evening while I'd do my bedtime ritual of putting my hair in 20 little plaits for the night, my friends w/ long hair only needed a handful big plaits and again would be ready in a jiffy while my arms tired of braiding. Because everyone with long hair kept it braided most of the time, tangles were not a thing I remember ever hearing anyone complain about. Actually, as far as I knew, long-haired people (even shoulder-length was long) and bald people had no problems at all. Plus in my school, if you had long hair and could wear it all in 3 square plaits, you were allowed to braid it for school <-- another reason I would have loved to have long hair so I'd take a break from daily styling.

So natural hair...I've never felt uneasy about it. And the more I've learned about it and how to care for it, the more I have become obsessed with it. I actually find myself wishing everyone would just go away and let me spend quality time w/ my hair. I don't think there's ever a time when my hands aren't doing anything else, that they don't wind up in my hair. I have to remind myself when in public that it isn't the done thing. Sometimes I do forget and get carried away loving on my hair, and that's when my friends and family jolt me back to earth by asking me to please my hair alone.

 

[RedVelvet310]

At first I was because I didn't know how to take care of it. When I first BC my hair was always dry and matted because I didn't know WTH to do with it so it was constanty covered. But eventually I started being REAL with my expectations for my hair and started listening to my hair. Now I have no problems finding styles for my hair. If I ever want it straight I'll simply flat iron it if I want it curly I'll leave it be.

I was never really embarassed about my hair though.. I love my natural HEALTHY hair, and when I see unhealthy relaxed heads around me I'm relieved that that is no longer me.

 

[Poohbear]

No, I've never been embarrassed of my hair texture... There's no reason for me to be embarrassed of it.

 

[RegaLady]

I was natural much longer than I was relaxed (grew up natural, first perm (at my begging) at 13, let it break off, second perm at 18, stayed relaxed til 21/22, natural since) so, no, I never felt ashamed of my texture.

Thought my hair looked like who did what and why? Oh, hells yeah, I'm not going to front like it's all been good hair days - but I never blamed the 'bad hair days' on my texture - 1a's have bad hair days too, ya know?

I've also never had anyone step to me (or comment on) my hair negatively, either.......

This was me also! The only thing I may be embarassed about is my hair texture not matching my weaves, or edges curling up, from a ponytail. But, never have I been shamed of my hair texture. I wasn't one of these people who claimed to have'good hair',but never seen the real texture because they grew up on relaxers. I alway say, I knew fully well what my hair texture was, and I am comfortable with that!

 

[BklynHeart]

Nope. Even though I've been relaxed since I was 8, my mom was into hair care and my hair was healthy. When I went natural, I loved it but thought my husband and family wouldn't like it, especially hubby because when he met me my hair was long. I was surprised, not only did he love it on me, but my father and other relatives said it really brought out my features.

 

[tocktick]

you don't have anything to be ashamed of, imo. i think many naturals still go through this and many relaxed heads. many people are continually told there are characteristics that are ugly and do things so that they never have to face the fact they may have some of them. when you go natural, many have to do so and it's hard. it's not easy to teach yourself to love sometime that people told you was ugly for so long.

personally speaking, i don't think i've ever disliked my texture but i used to be sensitive to how some people would react to it. there was not really much to fear though since i found that people didn't really care. when the rare disapproving comments about it arrived (in the form of asking when i was going to relax/tex or trying to persuade me to do so), i did my best to brush it off. i'm at the stage where i don't care.

the biggest struggle for me was length; it was due to having very short hair that i thought my hair was ugly at certain stages. i still sometimes think that my length is an issue.

 

[kurlybella]

you don't have anything to be ashamed of, imo. i think many naturals still go through this and many relaxed heads. many people are continually told there are characteristics that are ugly and do things so that they never have to face the fact they may have some of them. when you go natural, many have to do so and it's hard. it's not easy to teach yourself to love sometime that people told you was ugly for so long.

personally speaking, i don't think i've ever disliked my texture but i used to be sensitive to how some people would react to it. there was not really much to fear though since i found that people didn't really care. when the rare disapproving comments about it arrived (in the form of asking when i was going to relax/tex or trying to persuade me to do so), i did my best to brush it off. i'm at the stage where i don't care.

the biggest struggle for me was length; it was due to having very short hair that i thought my hair was ugly at certain stages. i still sometimes think that my length is an issue.

yes, that was my experience. what would the others say!

 

[SignatureBeauty]

Whe I first went natural in 2003, I was embarassed because I had scab hair and it was very dry and hard and nothing made it soft, it was miserable for me but I kept on wearing it out and I never covered it up, but I was like is this ever gonna leave or is this my texture, then I was told to allow it to grow out and it will leave and that is just what it did, my hair became softer. I was embarrassed but not enough to cover it with a wig or scarf. But hey I was a first time natural then too.

 

[discodumpling]

I was embarrased and ashamed of my relaxed hair. Since i've been natural I walk around with confidence ooozing from evevry pore. It was like a weight had been lifted and I am finally free to be me!

 

[mscocoface]

In the beginning I was totally embarassed and did not like my natural hair.

I had to have serious conversations with myself about why I was so negative about what was God given to me.

That took a good long minute. At least a year or two, but I realize it was only what I had allowed in my mental programming about my texture of hair.

I am one of those people who was told I had "Bad" hair which was thick and difficult to manage and take care of.

BUT!!!!

Now my mind is free and I will wear may hair proudly as it is. This is what I was born with and no one has the right to tell me it is embarassing or bad, not even myself!

 

[Sweet_Ambrosia]

I was never embarrassed of my natural hair texture, no reason to be, I love it and embrace it for what it is.

 

[sound]

I wasn't embarrassed of the texture at all...It was LENGTH and the STYLE of my hair.

I have never had hair shorter than SL before, well at least no one SAW it shorter than that. I always covered short hair with braids until it grew out, and if I had a bad hair day...it was a quick pony tail or slicked bun.

Now that my hair is natural, it's hard for me to just slick it back into a bun, it's much shorter because of shrinkage and It frustrates me that I'm not great at short natural hair styling.

I'm loving my hair more and more everyday. I will admit that I was hopping to have a more 3b/3cish look back when I first started transitioning. But that soon dissipated because of the knowledge this site has given me.

 

[anon123]

Never.

I grew up in Kenya and majority of the people around me had natural hair. We wore it cornrowed most of the time and because it's all we ever knew, it never seemed "difficult" or something we ever imagined not having. Even when I went to boarding school and relaxed, hair was always just hair. No one seemed to care one way or another. The thing I remember is I always wished for hair that was long enough to make a pony-tail (we didn't use the word pony-puff back then) with ease--something I only ever achieved in pre-teen years when my mom cared for my hair--but even then it was a touch-and-go success.

In high school a 3-inch afro was all I could ever grow--particularly because we were not allowed to braid our hair, which was always the way I'd get my hair to grow. I actually believed it was the braids/cornrows that made hair grow; then of course I didn't realize that combing it dry was a no-no. And actually the reason I ever relaxed in the first place was because "jheri curls made hair grow long" and I wanted to achieve that dream that seemed so elusive. I remember I'd transition without giving it a second thought. For instance when school was out or after I completed high school, I'd just put in extension braids so I'd have long hair that I could style in many ways and the relaxed hair would just break off on its own without me losing any sleep over it. No BC or any major plan to "go natural". In fact, I didn't know that "good hair" was ever taken to mean anything else besides clean, healthy, nicely-styled hair; or that "bad hair" meant anything else besides unkempt, dirty hair that looked unhealthy (breaking off, etc) until I came here. I don't even remember if I ever cared for swinging hair. Guess I'd never seen anyone with hair so long that it could swing/move, except other races or mixed kids, and their hair never appealed to me. I remember trying to style my mixed friend's hair once and it was so slippery and difficult to handle, and to my huge surprise, very different from my Cindy doll's hair (a doll that looked like Barbie); Cindy's hair used to be a little stiff and sorta cooperated with you when you were working with it, forming curls when you wanted it to, and staying put when you styled it. I remember feeling sorry for my friend and wondering if she hated having her hair, but I was too kind to dare ask something she couldn't help and make her sad. I think I was in elementary school.

This was an interesting perspective. Thanks for sharing it. I didn't know you were Kenyan.

No, I was not ashamed of my texture. Being completely in the dark, I thought 95% of black people had a texture just like mine, so to me my hair was regular black people hair and since everybody had it, what was there to be ashamed of? In my mind, there was "good hair" and their was "nappy hair" and nappy hair wasn't bad, it was just regular. Like regular people aren't ugly just because they aren't supermodels. To me good hair was like the supermodel of the hair world. But I didn't see any reason to be ashamed of just looking regular. I only had a relaxer for a few years, maybe 4 or 5, though I was press and curl for many years, so I pretty much knew what my texture was. I still am so baffled at how in my memory everyone's hair looked like mine but on the boards I'm such a minority. Anyway, before the boards I couldn't style worth shish, so it didn't look great a lot and I wore a hat. Now that I know how to style it, I practically never wear a hat. Yay!

 

[KEWLKAT103]

No.
Even when I look back at pictures of my dry hair all over the place pre LHCF, I was never embarrased. It's all mine and that's all I cared about. Now it's healthy and all mine and that's all I care about.