do some people have HAIR so DIFFICULT they HAVE TO RELAX/TEXLAX?

[kurlybella]

last night, as i stood in the shower washing my thick natural 4a/b mane...which now i feel might be more 4b...*shrugs*...for 45 minutes, detangling with my denman and washing with sallys hair one, olive oil, i thought about how much i freaking hate my hair when i have to wash it. no, i REALLY DO.

i can brush through a section and then have go back over multiple times to get it good and detangled. it's such a process and my freaking arms gets so tired!

anyway, when i get out of the shower with my hair in the same sections after washing and rinsing, i know that i now have to takle applying infusium 23 and keeping my hair untangled even more so.

it's sooooooooooo tiresome and i dread wash days like the plague!!

my hair is so great when it's dry AFTER i've gone completely through the wash and dry motions. but when i wash it, no matter how moisturizing the conditioner...it's not bone dry but dry enough to give me a headache when having to brush/detangle again and blow dry.

i never let my hair air dry if i don't use my cantu leave in. i didn't use cantu last night because my hair has more swang when i condition with infusium and then flat iron. i blew my hair out last night using the pulling my hair straight method, but i got so tired that i put plats in my hair and went to bed. i'd clocked too many hours to continue messing with my hair. i put my lace wig on today and with flat iron it out tonight. my first time since hmmm, maybe march april.

anyway, during all this wash day hoopla, i though about my niece. my sister put a texturizer in her hair because her hair is 4bzzzzz and no matter how tender my sister is with my nieces hair and no matter how many moisturizing products she uses, my nieces hair is like brillo. and no, i'm not making that up.

i can emphatize with sisters who have difficult hair to manage.

my hair is just something else i tell ya.

do you think that some people have hair so thick and unruly and overwhelmingly difficult that they just have to relax or texturize?

 

[longhairlover]

Yes but sometimes perming is not the answer, my Mil's hair is like that very thick/coarse it's too fragile to have a perm when she does it breaks off really bad, so now she does press and curls which has turned out to be better for her and her hair looks very nice with it.

 

[Qt girl]

No.

I believe that most people who have such trouble with their natural hair are fighting with their hair too much. My cousin has natural hair that can be EXACTLY like a brillo pad. The best styles for her are braids and cornrows. I believe that everyone can find a hair style that works with their texture.

The only time when a perm is necessary IMO is when you want to wear your hair straight more than you want to wear it natural AND you have a texture of hair that would make that extremely difficult and time consuming.

No one NEEDS a chemical relaxer, it's all about preference.

 

[1QTPie]

I don't believe this at all.

How do you wear you hair most days? How long is it? When is the last time you trimmed? When was the last time you changed up your products?

How often do you co-wash? Are you still using regular shampoo?



I have very very fine hair that tangles up no matter what I do. My hair routine was cut in half when i did several things...

Stopped using products that did nothing for my hair. I can only use fatty conditioners and natural shampoos. If I keep trying to go back to glycerin (Infusium, CON, Keracare, Mizani and my hair NEVER mixed) and products with similar ingredients, my hair rebels.

I keep my hair sectioned. If I don't have to go anywhere, my hair is in twists or braids. As soon as I get home, I spray my hair with aloe vera juice or water. Put in some leave-in conditioner and coconut oil and braid it right on up. I NEVER wash n go. Ever. If I do, I know what to expect when it's time for me to wash my hair.

Every single day I know that I have to remove the shed hair and braid and moisturize my hair or it's gonna be a problem.

Personally, I would shave my head before I subject myself to a relaxer again... but that's just me.

 

[Neith]

Although this isn't true for ME, it is for others.

The way you wear your hair should fit in with your PERSONALITY and LIFESTYLE.

Some people don't want to go through all of the detangling of natural hair. it is generally easier and takes less time imo to style, detangle and care for relaxed hair.

It's a personal choice.

A relaxer can help individuals who don't have time, who don't want to deal with their natural texture. I know there have been days when I got MAD detangling my hair.

However, no one NEEDS a relaxer just to have long/nice hair. It's never a need, but it is a good option for many.

 

[Southernbella.]

ladylady, does your hair do well with Infusium? It has a ton of protein in it, and it always made my hair gummy and tangly. I was just wondering if you had any issues with it, because natural hair doesn't need as much protein as relaxed hair.

As far as your question, no, I don't think anyone has hair so difficult that they HAVE to us chemicals, because I think "difficult" is relative.

 

[1babydimple]

I'm going to get booted off on this one .... but yes my hair was to difficult to deal with. About 10-15 years ago I was all natural and suddenly I had to be a family caretaker. Absolutely no time for hair and though my hair tex has changed with age, then it was straight up, no joke, watch out, here it comes 4b/c/d/e/f etc.

Wash day (2x a wk) was always 3-4hrs and I never found a brush I didn't snap. No Joke so I started to texlax. Just so I could make a pony without a hump in the top of my head . After the relaxer it took my wash/con & detangle down to 1hr. Now yrs later my tex is 4a/b I'm going back to natural because I did love the thickness of my natural hair - no chem since Feb. 2008

 

[Lebiya]

Yes this is ME. My hair grows in knots, literally. It’s soo da*n frustrating to deal with, I’m at my wits end now. I’m thinking about texturizing it. I REEEEEAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLY don’t want to, but I feel like I’m left with no other choice. I think pull out more hair trying to untangle than I would if it were texturized- My scalp is also VERY sensitive and I always end up getting burned. I don’t know what to do.

I WISH I could find a natural - less harsher way- to loosen my curls. I WISH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Someone send me a PM if you know of anything,

 

[Liberianmami26]

i use to think so like i never would have even consider going natural if you had asked me like last year i would have laughed in your face and been like hell to the naw but now that i been transitioning and actually learning how to take care of my hair and moisturizing it like the whole brillo pad is like going away and it feels soft like a day after and not rough and dried up like the back of my head used to always feel and i just covered it with a weave so now im a believer in black hair can do almost any thing if you know how to take care of it. thanx ladies

 

[ebonylocs]

Having been on both sides of the fence, and a lover of natural hair, I will say, No, no one ever *has to* relax.

However, for some people, relaxing is simply the rational option, because of their *personal priorities*.

It's a trade off of pros and cons for natural hair at any point in time, and for some people, the cons just outweigh the pros. Simple as.

 

[tuffCOOKiE]

No.

I believe that most people who have such trouble with their natural hair are fighting with their hair too much. My cousin has natural hair that can be EXACTLY like a brillo pad. The best styles for her are braids and cornrows. I believe that everyone can find a hair style that works with their texture.

The only time when a perm is necessary IMO is when you want to wear your hair straight more than you want to wear it natural AND you have a texture of hair that would make that extremely difficult and time consuming.

No one NEEDS a chemical relaxer, it's all about preference.

See, my hair is a brillo pad. But what sucks about it, is that it's not very strong which, is suprising. My whole thing is, I work in a very reserved environment, I cant wear braids and cornrows. What's the point of always wearing braids and cornrows and not 'enjoying' your hair?

Ideally, I would love to be natural, and I was natural for 15 years but all I would do is have my hair in a bun the whole entire time. It was healthy, it was dry and tool entirely too long to wash/detangle or oil my scalp/detangle or moisturize/detangle..

 

[naturalgurl]

Some people argue no and yes. I don't think another person can measure the difficulty on doing someone elses hair. Where one person might give up another will persevere. I have 4a/b hair. I never comb my hair while dry. If I don't feel like getting in the shower, I spray it with aloe/water/glycerin mix and then comb. I never experience the tangles or knots. Once out of the shower my hair is like crazy easy to detangle. When I first came here dealing with my natural 4z mane detangling was tiresome. Since using coconut oil, shea butter, deleting shampoo and rinsing my hair dailly my mane is soooo much more manageable. It's even easy to comb while dry give or take a few snags. Some people do have lots of thick coarse hair and I can't say if they should or should not use a chemical to break it down. It's really a different case and scenario for everyone.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

My biggest complaint as a natural was that I'd get single strand knots nonstop. If I trimmed, the knots were back within a week. It didn't matter if I kept it twisted, braided, etc, the hair would knot up the strand.

So rather than continue with a path that was counterproductive to my hair goals I relaxed.

Did I have to relax? No. I have a feeling that if I kept my hair at TWA length it would have been fine, but I had no desire to be stuck with short hair.

As thick as my hair is I rarely had issues when it came to detangling, but I think that comes down to technique as opposed to hair type.

 

[Stepiphanie]

NEED is a strong word. I agree w/ Neith how you choose to style your hair should be based on lifestyle and personality.I also think finding the right products is essential.I choose to wear my hair relaxed b/c patience is not part of my vocabulary and I'm too busy.But had someone not thought that I "needed" a relaxer as a child (really didn't),I would have waited a lot longer to get one.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

This is true for me. I havent had natural hair since I was 7 years old. But when from stretching I do notice that it you want that super soft hair, you gotta stay on top of your moisture game or else you're hair tangles, dreads, mats, etc...

I honestly dont relax for straight hair. I like texture. I relax to manage the dryness. I know the 4a/bs can relate. The more no growth you get, the harder it is to keep your hair moistured with the new growth and relaxed hair.

 

[HeChangedMyName]

I believe it is possible, especially if you don't have the time and experience/knowledge to figure out ways to manage your hair. Most of us on the board can probably attest to the fact that it takes a while to figure out healthy hair care that keeps hair in tip top shape and easily manageble. Esp for natural hair. Unfortunately with work/school, it is not always an option so keep trying things and walking around looking a hot mess in the mean time.
I agree that pressing to relaxing/texlasing is a natural progression to learning how to maintain healthy natural hair while still being able to function and look put together. My daughter's hair is getting harder and harder to manage, the longer and thicker and more course it gets. She is only two but I expect that as her hair changes, I may eventually press her hair when she gets to be a "big girl" in school because she can't wear pony tails and cornrows forever.

One thing that I don't agree with is that some people feel that relaxing/texlaxing and pressing are used by lazy people to avoid dealing with their natural hair. In some cases that is the case, but those people usually end up with damaged and just as bad looking straight hair. For a majority of people though, it is a choice. It is a choice that allows for more convenient styling. I also don't think it's right for those who are die hard bone straight fans to down people who choose to wear their hair natural. That too is a choice.

Regardless of whether hair is kept in its natural state or processed, it will take some time to figure out how to keep it healthy and for some people the choice is based upon whichever method is easier for them.

 

[kurlybella]

ladylady, does your hair do well with Infusium? It has a ton of protein in it, and it always made my hair gummy and tangly. I was just wondering if you had any issues with it, because natural hair doesn't need as much protein as relaxed hair.

As far as your question, no, I don't think anyone has hair so difficult that they HAVE to us chemicals, because I think "difficult" is relative.

i don't use it alot (because of the protein) but yeah it does well. girl, my hair tangles before i put it on! by the time i get out of the shower i've bascially bench pressed 300 pounds from all the brushing through this thick stuff!

 

[prospurr4]

Well, I can only speak for myself. I was natural for 20 years, and now I'm texlaxed, the best of all worlds, btw. No, I did not have to relax my hair, but I love being able to "do" my hair quickly, and I prefer styles that show my length.

You have to do what's best for you.

 

[JustKiya]

The only thing anyone has to do is die.

With that said, no, I don't think that anyone has hair that is totally unmanageable. I do think that a lot of people are unwilling - for whatever personal reason - to do what needs to be done in order to keep their natural hair manageable, and that's their call. *shrug*

 

[loulou82]

No one HAS to relax/ texlax. Everyone HAS do to what works best for them and if they find an option that gives them the "managability", "versatility", and "ease" they are looking for that's great.

 

[justsimply]

NEED is a strong word. I agree w/ Neith how you choose to style your hair should be based on lifestyle and personality.I also think finding the right products is essential.I choose to wear my hair relaxed b/c patience is not part of my vocabulary and I'm too busy.But had someone not thought that I "needed" a relaxer as a child (really didn't),I would have waited a lot longer to get one.

I agree with the bolded above. I will always do what I feel I want to do with my hair. I don't have any other reason than "this is what I want to do". I prefer my hair natural because it works for me. I really like the look and feel of it. My hair is 4b and can hold a style for a minute. So once a week I'm doing the deep conditioning and styling thing. The styling does take a while, but then I'm done for the week...just rinses and spritz which takes no time. And I'm hoping as it gets longer I'll be able to dc with twists in and the style will last even longer if needed. This is works with my lifestlye.

 

[MJ]

I'm natural, but I voted "yes." Not "yes" because they have to, but "yes" because it would make a significant and positive difference having texlaxed or relaxed hair. Some people's hair is more difficult to care for than others. The reason(s) for this varies with each individual.

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

last night, as i stood in the shower washing my thick natural 4a/b mane...which now i feel might be more 4b...*shrugs*...for 45 minutes, detangling with my denman and washing with sallys hair one, olive oil, i thought about how much i freaking hate my hair when i have to wash it. no, i REALLY DO.

i can brush through a section and then have go back over multiple times to get it good and detangled. it's such a process and my freaking arms gets so tired!

anyway, when i get out of the shower with my hair in the same sections after washing and rinsing, i know that i now have to takle applying infusium 23 and keeping my hair untangled even more so.

it's sooooooooooo tiresome and i dread wash days like the plague!!

my hair is so great when it's dry AFTER i've gone completely through the wash and dry motions. but when i wash it, no matter how moisturizing the conditioner...it's not bone dry but dry enough to give me a headache when having to brush/detangle again and blow dry.

i never let my hair air dry if i don't use my cantu leave in. i didn't use cantu last night because my hair has more swang when i condition with infusium and then flat iron. i blew my hair out last night using the pulling my hair straight method, but i got so tired that i put plats in my hair and went to bed. i'd clocked too many hours to continue messing with my hair. i put my lace wig on today and with flat iron it out tonight. my first time since hmmm, maybe march april.

anyway, during all this wash day hoopla, i though about my niece. my sister put a texturizer in her hair because her hair is 4bzzzzz and no matter how tender my sister is with my nieces hair and no matter how many moisturizing products she uses, my nieces hair is like brillo. and no, i'm not making that up.

i can emphatize with sisters who have difficult hair to manage.

my hair is just something else i tell ya.

do you think that some people have hair so thick and unruly and overwhelmingly difficult that they just have to relax or texturize?

It's like this, either take it out on a co-worker or get my hair processed! LOL. Yes, sometimes, for the sanity of the owner...process.

 

[PinkPeony]

I love my relaxed hair and had only troubles when I was natural..
Still I don't think anyone NEEDS a relaxer.After all this is the way my hair grows out of my head,curly,springy and coily.
I dare anyone tell me that I need to relax lol.
If I had to I could find all the information I need to style my natural hair just as I did for my relaxed hair.

 

[anon123]

Of course no one has to. People of all different hair types have been living for thousands of years before the invention of the relaxer. I do think different hair types have different sets of reasonably living styling and maintenance options, though. My hair is not easy for me to manage, but that's because I want it to do things it doesn't want to do, so I have to do all this work kind of psyching it out to get it to do what I want it to do. But I don't need a relaxer, been living with my wiry 4b hair for most of my life, and if I can do it, anyone can.

 

[sweetsuccess]

i voted A.
lol and I AM ONE OF THEM who for some ODD reason is attemping to go natural... for instance...

omg, my recent wash...

lawddd.

i washed, conditioned, deep conditioned... detangled (which took 2hrs in itself)... 85% natural...... then sat around.. then rinsed out.. then blow dried.. thennnnnnnnnnnnn...

flat ironed for atleast 2.5hrs.. it was at least a 5hr affair...

pain i tell ya... never again will i attempt to do my own hair until i get a relaxer.. which may never happen (who knows!!)... sew ins. and professional do's is on my future agenda... my hair is too thick .. i use to LOVE doing my own hair.... but the look and health of naturalness is whats got me going strong.. who knows for how long..

happy growing ladiess!!!
.........xoxo

 

[RecipeBABY]

girl texlax.. trust hair is hair... i went through 5 years for frustration, crying, tired arms, begging someone to braid my hair, i couldnt rock a weave with my front out because it would convert if i sweat, or humidity, i would pull so much hair out even when i was gentle, if i did rock my hair i had to use heat just about every other day. And lets be honest some natural kinky hair styles dont work on everyone's face. and some styles make you look like a lil girl. i can go on and on.. BUT i suggest doing your research and or getting a texlax and the beauty of the texlax is you still have the thick, natural, bushy look but now its way more manageble.. just make sure you have healthy hair before you get a chemical treatment... no braids atleast 3 wks b4 AND get lost a of moisture and reconstructors.. (aphogee products rock)

 

[naijamerican]

Some people argue no and yes. I don't think another person can measure the difficulty on doing someone elses hair. Where one person might give up another will persevere. I have 4a/b hair. I never comb my hair while dry. If I don't feel like getting in the shower, I spray it with aloe/water/glycerin mix and then comb. I never experience the tangles or knots. Once out of the shower my hair is like crazy easy to detangle. When I first came here dealing with my natural 4z mane detangling was tiresome. Since using coconut oil, shea butter, deleting shampoo and rinsing my hair dailly my mane is soooo much more manageable. It's even easy to comb while dry give or take a few snags. Some people do have lots of thick coarse hair and I can't say if they should or should not use a chemical to break it down. It's really a different case and scenario for everyone.

This is my story, this is my song, too. I have straight up 4B hair. My hair has become so moisturized from daily co-washing that it remains moist (which I like) for a few hours after I have showered. Yes, it does take a long time for me to do my hair between co-washing it, detangling it, etc. but it's worth it because my hair is so healthy and soft right now. I want to ask you, OP, how often do you detangle? Do you only do so when you wash? I know that many are on the low-manipulation tip, but I daily use a denman brush to detangle my hair and so far, it has helped tremendously in thwarting tangles. What products are you using? Personally, my favorites are Qhemet Biologics products sealed with castor oil and glycerin. My hair is very coarse but keeping it constantly moisturized has helped a great deal. The next thing I need to master is incorporating protein in my regimen.

To be honest with you, it took a couple of months of consistent co-washing and deep conditioning my hair to get it to this point. I know that if I wasn't a student, it would be very difficult for me to do what I do to maintain my hair. As others have said, I do not subscribe to the belief that people have hair that is so difficult that they must relax. It's a viable option but it is not a necessity.

 

[brucebettye]

I do not think that you have to get a perm because your hair is hard to deal with. It is going to be work if you wear it natural, texlaxed, or relaxed. You just need to now what is best for you and your circumstances. Just make sure whatever you do, it is because you want to do it. I have texlaxed hair and it is still a job to detangle and take care of, but I enjoy it because I wanted to do it. And I love, love, love my hair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[trj1922]

I said "I don't know." I don't think anyone has to texturize/texlax but some people do have harder to work with hair and they may not want to do what it takes to manage it either in terms of picking styles, techniques, and products or revising their expectations of what their hair should look like in its finished and styled state.

My sister and niece are both natural and have hair that they consider hard to manage. They are simply willing and in a position to manage it in some fashion without chems. My niece for example has the finest, kinkiest, driest, most shrunken mane I've ever seen. It dreads up and catches lint constantly. My sis keeps the baby's hair in braids 95% of the time because keeping it contained is the only way to reliably manage her hair without daily intensive styling. She also has to be ok with the fact that she ain't gonna have her stuff shiny, bouncing, and behaving.

The catch 22 is that many "difficult" textures don't texturize well and you just wind up with slightly straighter unstylable frizz. Go figure!