Backhanded Hair Compliments

[TaylorT]

Hey ladies. I've been natural for about 1.5 years now (4b/a) and I wear my hair in a puff quite often. I was out running errands a few days ago and as I was walking into a store another lady was on her way out. She looked at me and said "I like your hair....you pull it off well...not alot of people can do that." I smiled, said thank you and kept it moving but now I can't help but to think erplexed. The "you pull if off well" makes me think that she thinks most women can't "pull off" natural hair.

Anyway, my question is do any of you ladies experience backhanded hair compliments? Do you say something or just keep it moving?

 

[LightEyedMami]

yep!...i have heard the "you make it look nice" comments plenty....Natural hair still isnt the "preferred" look, so until it is there will usually be some type of "It looks nice BUT...." comments...im used to it now

 

[yaya24]

I honestly don't think her comment was back handed.

Many people who are not natural (or do not think they could or do not want to go natural) make comments like that.

 

[drmuffin]

My favorite is still "Everybody ain't able" by one of my ex-students. It's all good though, because I know I'm more than able!

 

[TaylorT]

yaya24 thanks for the reply. I'm curious at at what you thought wasn't backhanded about it. Just because someone is not natural (and this lady wasn't) doesn't not make it a backhanded compliment. She may have meant well but in that case she could've just said "I like your hair" and left it at that.

 

[BadMamaJama]

A lot of black women do the backhanded compliment thing. If you want to give a compliment, give it, all the extra is not needed!

 

[yaya24]

@yaya24 thanks for the reply. I'm curious at at what you thought wasn't backhanded about it. Just because someone is not natural (and this lady wasn't) doesn't not make it a backhanded compliment. She may have meant well but in that case she could've just said "I like your hair" and left it at that.

@TaylorT I guess I'm a glass half full type of girl.

Unless she was smirking when she said it, I would take it as just what it was - a compliment, and not have given it a second thought.

 

[The Girl]

'You have some really pretty long hair , usually you don't see Blk girls with hair like that. (wait for it....) Are you mixed/biracial/is that all yours?"

 

[LightEyedMami]

A lot of black women do the backhanded compliment thing. If you want to give a compliment, give it, all the extra is not needed!

Very true!...this aint nothing new for women....for example "Your pretty for a dark-skinned girl", "you would look good if you lost some weight", "Those earrings are cute, i wish i could wear them but flea-market jewelry break me out" .....I always give other women compliments on hair, shoes, outfits EVERYTHING...i dont get why some women are so catty...smh.

 

[TaylorT]

yaya24 in my experience I don't have to see a smirk to receive a backhanded compliment. Different strokes.

 

[NappyNelle]

I say "Thank You" and go on about my day. Even if the comment is snotty, I try not to let it affect my mood. If it DOES start to bother me, I come right to LHCF because yall would understand better than most people.

 

[Chameleonchick]

I don't know, it wouldn't bother me at all. I've been natural for almost three years, I won't go back to a relaxer, and I still think that natural hair isn't for everybody.

 

[kinkycurlygurl]

Sometimes I really think that seeing you looking good with natural hair really freaks some people out. It's something they never imagined. I think that's why some women say things like that. They literally can't imagine themselves with their natural hair. Most of them haven't seen their real texture since they were kids.

I came back from a cruise a couple of years ago and one of my co-workers was looking at my pictures. She got up felt my hair and said "You don't have such good hair. How could you go on a cruise without a perm?" She looked genuinely mystified and a little freaked out.

I gave her my standard line: all hair is good hair, having hair is good ask the bald people.

Saying that kind of thing is really, in my opinion, indicative of the persons own world view.

 

[Auburn]

Sometimes I really think that seeing you looking good with natural hair really freaks some people out. It's something they never imagined. I think that's why some women say things like that. They literally can't imagine themselves with their natural hair. Most of them haven't seen their real texture since they were kids.

I came back from a cruise a couple of years ago and one of my co-workers was looking at my pictures. She got up felt my hair and said "You don't have such good hair. How could you go on a cruise without a perm?" She looked genuinely mystified and a little freaked out.

I gave her my standard line: all hair is good hair, having hair is good ask the bald people.

Saying that kind of thing is really, in my opinion, indicative of the persons own world view.

See.... I would have schooled that arse right then and there.

 

[PinkSunshine77]

wow how rude. I'm quick to respond when people say something stupid but I'm learning to just ignore stuff. I've never had a negative comment about my hair honestly aside from growing up w/o a relaxer. Even though I went to an all Black School, my Hair was the topic of laughter daily as a kid.

 

[nlamr2013]

I don't think it was backhanded. There are a lot of people who think natural means no grooming what so ever. Some people walk around with a dry matted mess on their heads and try to claim it's ok because they're natural. No. having one dread in your head is not cute.

 

[ms-gg]

I don't think it was backhanded. There are a lot of people who think natural means no grooming what so ever. Some people walk around with a dry matted mess on their heads and try to claim it's ok because they're natural. No. having one dread in your head is not cute.

The same can be said with someone who wears a relaxer, who has naturally straight hair, loose curls and waves....there are plenty of people with different textures/hairstyles who do not "keep up" with their hair. You can't (or shouldn't) just single out naturals. That is how stereotyping gets started. Naturals are not the only people guilty of this #ImJustSaying

 

[BadMamaJama]

Very true!...this aint nothing new for women....for example "Your pretty for a dark-skinned girl", "you would look good if you lost some weight", "Those earrings are cute, i wish i could wear them but flea-market jewelry break me out" .....I always give other women compliments on hair, shoes, outfits EVERYTHING...i dont get why some women are so catty...smh.

LOL! You knew exactly what I was talking about.

 

[LunaGorgeous]

Pretty sad some people out there seriously think that simply taking care of the hair you were born with is some sort of ephemeral thing...like a fad or trend.

 

[yorkpatties]

Some people walk around with a dry matted mess on their heads and try to claim it's ok because they're natural. No. having one dread in your head is not cute.

Pics or it didn't happen.

 

[Ogoma]

Sometimes I really think that seeing you looking good with natural hair really freaks some people out. It's something they never imagined. I think that's why some women say things like that. They literally can't imagine themselves with their natural hair. Most of them haven't seen their real texture since they were kids.

I came back from a cruise a couple of years ago and one of my co-workers was looking at my pictures. She got up felt my hair and said "You don't have such good hair. How could you go on a cruise without a perm?" She looked genuinely mystified and a little freaked out.

I gave her my standard line: all hair is good hair, having hair is good ask the bald people.

Saying that kind of thing is really, in my opinion, indicative of the persons own world view.

kinkycurlygurl

I don't even understand what she means by the bolded. What does hair texture have to do with going on a cruise?

 

[nlamr2013]

The same can be said with someone who wears a relaxer, who has naturally straight hair, loose curls and waves....there are plenty of people with different textures/hairstyles who do not "keep up" with their hair. You can't (or shouldn't) just single out naturals. That is how stereotyping gets started. Naturals are not the only people guilty of this #ImJustSaying

True, but that doesn't make it backhanded. Its probably ignorant but that doesn't mean the person who said it meant harm.

 

[nlamr2013]

Pics or it didn't happen.

I didn't take pictures

 

[ManeStreet]

Hey ladies. I've been natural for about 1.5 years now (4b/a) and I wear my hair in a puff quite often. I was out running errands a few days ago and as I was walking into a store another lady was on her way out. She looked at me and said "I like your hair....you pull it off well...not alot of people can do that." I smiled, said thank you and kept it moving but now I can't help but to think erplexed. The "you pull if off well" makes me think that she thinks most women can't "pull off" natural hair.

Anyway, my question is do any of you ladies experience backhanded hair compliments? Do you say something or just keep it moving?

I dont see it as backhanded. Ive received that exact same comment about outfits or accessories Ive worn. I think it means you look unique yet effortless at the same tine. You are wearing the style & not letting the style wear you. Two people can wear a same dress, pair of shoes, hairstyle (natural or straight) & it looks better on one person than the other because of how someone carries themself.. their confidence, "swag", etc.

Its like when magazines have those articles like "who looks best" & u choose between two celebs which of them a particular style looks best on... who has the best bob, the best sideswept bang; the best messy bun... etc.

So I think it was a genuine compliment, a quick way of sayin if,
there was another lady wearing the same hairstyle in the store, by comparison u woulda blow her out the water cause u r workin that hairstyle.

 

[Kindheart]

I dont see it as backhanded. Ive received that exact same comment about outfits or accessories Ive worn. I think it means you look unique yet effortless at the same tine. You are wearing the style & not letting the style wear you. Two people can wear a same dress, pair of shoes, hairstyle (natural or straight) & it looks better on one person than the other because of how someone carries themself.. their confidence, "swag", etc.

Its like when magazines have those articles like "who looks best" & u choose between two celebs which of them a particular style looks best on... who has the best bob, the best sideswept bang; the best messy bun... etc.

So I think it was a genuine compliment, a quick way of sayin if,
there was another lady wearing the same hairstyle in the store, by comparison u woulda blow her out the water cause u r workin that hairstyle.

I think it is backhanded what she meant is :;"natural hair are normally unattractive to her but surprisingly it looked good on (TaylorT) .
It's similar to : "you re pretty to be a dark skinned woman"

 

[Evolving78]

oh, when did you get a sew-in? really? this person knows me too...

 

[ManeStreet]

I think it is backhanded what she meant is :;"natural hair are normally unattractive to her but surprisingly it looked good on (TaylorT) .
It's similar to : "you re pretty to be a dark skinned woman"

o ok. it's been said perception is reality. I'm genuinely unable to perceive negativity in the hair comment.

 

[Kindheart]

Once i stopped relaxing I got the "oh your hair is so curly" followed by an akward silence...It's nice "
ManeStreet i m a bit "suspicious " about people in general and tend to overanalyze things alot. Gorgeous hair btw

 

[hairqueen7]

All of these comments got me thinkin about when my family always ask me I thought u was natural? Why do u still wear LF wigs, n I always have to defend myself by saying , Iam its just protecting my hair I still take care of it everyday underneath and it isn't permed. It just got me thinkin what backhand comments I'm going to get when its longer and I'm still wearing wigs smh

 

[kinkycurlygurl]

@kinkycurlygurl

I don't even understand what she means by the bolded. What does hair texture have to do with going on a cruise?

Hi Ogoma,

Even she realized she sounded crazy right after she said it. I think it's just part of our training that straightened hair is attractive hair.

What tripped me out was the look of real puzzlement on her face. The fact I looked great in all the pictures. She couldn't reconcile my hair looking good on the beach, in the dining room, on deck without a perm, or straightening of any kind.

Think about the brainwashing that tells you that the hair that grows out of your head is bad and wrong if it isn't one particular texture.

I wasn't offended by the "you don't have such good hair thing." I do my best to eradicate the notion of "good hair" from my environment. I'm determined not to pass that curse on to my little niece.

We actually ended up having several conversations about hair and working with natural hair over the next few weeks. I