Does Anyone Else Feel Like This?

[Janet']

Hi Ladies,

I've been contemplating everyones end of the year reveal and how exciting it's going to be (and has been thus far) to see the progress, growth, and knowledge gained.

I have worked hard for every inch gained (including protective styling, low manipulation styling, deep conditioning, babying my ends, etc.), but I feel like people around me have not noticed my growth...

I don't mean people being oblivious...I mean people, like my mom, for instance, saying to me (after they have seen my hair straightened), "Your hair looks really good, but it was always long..." Really? Cause for the past 15 years my hair was full SL and now it's BSL...and I know that I've got a LOOONNGGG way to go before I reach my ultimate goal of TBL but I also know that I have not had hair down my back in a VERY LONG TIME.

I feel like I'm behind the 8 ball with this hair thing because in peoples' minds, yeah, my hair is long, but I think that they (friends and family) are reaching back to when I was a child and a teenager and they put hair on my head (for the past 15 years) that really wasn't there

Therefore, they are helping feed my hairnorexic mentality because although I am excited about my reveal for my own personal reasons, I feel like my peeps already felt like my hair was BSL to begin with...So, I don't feel like I can even call my hair long until I reach WL (at least) UGH!!!!

I just feel like those persons who never really had long hair might get a little more support because they are doing something that hasn't been done, whereas people just assume that I'm supposed to have long hair so now that I am actively growing it, it's no biggie--but it is a biggie because it took just as much effort for me to grow as the next person...

*Rant over*

Does anyone else feel like this?

ETA: Pics are attached as a comparison of how long my hair USED to be versus how SHORT it was when I started my HHJ...

 

[Mrs. Verde]

I get what you are saying. It's similar to someone who has been overweight all their lives versus someone who was skinny and lost the needed 20 pounds. Of course people are going to gush over the person who was always overweight. I think we would all be happier if we didn't let other people's views creep into our minds. Just be happy with your own progress. You know what it has taken for your hair to get where you are today. Janet your hair is bleached now, so by default it is much more fragile. The fact that you are able to keep it healthy is a HUGE accomplishment.

 

[Tiye]

Well pic # 1 of you as a little girl proves their point.

Why are you offended? That's kind of like someone being upset coz they won a grammy and a family member says "well you always did have a singing voice".

 

[NikkiQ]

I understand what you're saying completely. For about 18 years, my hair was always APL or BSL, bone straight and very light brown. B/c of that, my family has that image burned in their brains. I had a horrible setback in 2005 after Hurricane Katrina(stress made my hair fall out) and I went from full and healthy SL to EL. Despite my hair never being past my shoulders in all this time, my family STILL says how long my hair is. Even after seeing me struggle with my setback, they fail to see the hard work I'm putting into my hair now. Sometimes I want to shake them and say "Hey! I'm not 12 years old!"

 

[Hersheygurl]

I understand what you're saying Janet. It sounds like you feel undermined. My family does this to me too. I had long hair as a little girl, but at one time I had my hair cut as short as Toni Braxton's was when she first came out.

I would say keep taking pics ( which I need to get better at too), so you can see your progress for the times your anorexia creeps in. I also agree with Mrs. Verde that the fact your hair is bleached and healthy is a huge accomplishment.

You and your hair are gorgeous, and the little girl pic is too cute!

 

[iri9109]

i think she's thinking back to when you were a kid too...and your hair was long... i dont think she means it like "your hair looks really good, but thats not an accomplishment because you had long hair when you were young too", i think its like "your hair looks good, but it was long when you were young too, so i knew you had the potential to grow it out again"

 

[SimJam]

I understnad how u feel @Janet.

though my hair was nvr as long as urs a s a kid (mine was prolly APL/BSL, well if I wore a bra then ) and when relaxed I usually kept it at APL or shorter.

I think the issue is that (well atleast for me) back then I did nothing special to my hair and I had thick healthy hair, now Im DCing every week, ayurveda-ing, twisting, mixing up crap in ma kitchen and have a shelf full of "hair stuff" in the fridge, just to get back the hair I had as a Kid

the difference with me is that my family memebers comment positivly on my hair and its progress though usually referencing my hair as a child.

I dont rlly mind, and u sshould try not to either

 

[topnotch1010]

I know what you're saying and the overweight vs normal person both losing 20 lbs is a good analogy.

I don't get compliments on my new hair either. I too think it's because they are thinking of my hair prior to 1997 which is ridiculous!! (it was BSL in the back) I'm like NikkiQ, I just wanna shake them! I've been EL for over a decade!

I've worked hard for this hair and dammit I want some compliments!


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[Carisa]

I know what you're saying and the overweight vs normal person both losing 20 lbs is a good analogy.

I don't get compliments on my new hair either. I too think it's because they are thinking of my hair prior to 1997 which is ridiculous!! (it was BSL in the back) I'm like NikkiQ, I just wanna shake them! I've been EL for over a decade!

I've worked hard for this hair and dammit I want some compliments!


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

@topnotch! OP Your family/friends think you've had "good growing hair" all along so its nothing new. If you were able to grow it that long before then surely u can grow it long again (in thier minds) so sadly i dnt know if they will ever care if it grows longer because to them you have always had good hair that will easily grow. Another point i wanted to make is instead of people thinking u actually put hard work into your hair and it grew they'd rather attribute your lenght to genes or say "u always had good hair" (hope i made sense- i do tend to ramble)

 

[lushcoils]

I definitely get what you're saying. It's like when I work very hard to get straight A's or close to it. I would tell my parents, and they would be like ... and your point is? You're supposed to get grades like that. That's what African kids do. Next time do better, and get all A+.

I'm like thanks for the support. erplexed

Or people who have certain hair textures, and get the of course, you have good hair compliments.

Makes you feel like you did all that work for nothing.

 

[davisbr88]

I can't relate to this because my hair had never been past CBL until I got to APL during my transition. My parents gush over how "long" my hair is now, and it's only 2" above APL. But I guess I can see your point. Your hair was UBER long when you were little whereas, I had little nub nub ponytails.
The longest my hair ever got before my transition is the last pic. It's not the best pic, but you get the idea.
So now, as my hair is re-approaching APL, my parents are swooning over it whereas my cousin, who has always had APL-BSL hair is transitioning and her hair has broken off to about the same length mine is now and everyone can't get over how "short" hers is - the same exact length they call "long" on me. So.... needless to say, it seems like it's all relative, and it applies to more than just hair.
Just like I, being pretty much a straight A student my whole life got my first B in 11th grade and my parents were so shocked. My brother, who was pretty much a C student his whole life, got a B and everyone was swooning over how smart he was... so yeah.
Forget about it girl. You and your hair are absolutely gorgeous. Forget about what others think. Do what makes you happy, even if it means you're the only one who will truly appreciate it.

 

[sj73]

For most of my teenage and some of the college years, my hair was a HAM When I started taking care of it and after my first real jump in growth from neck length to shoulder length (not even really long, but based on my previous hair health ), I got comments like "Wow, is ALL that your hair?" "Your hair sure has grown." "Wow, you have long hair now!" So, yes, people noticed the change and were quick to point it out.

 

[Janet']

^^^Aww! You were a cutie!!!

 

[davisbr88]

^^ Aww. thanks

 

[bride91501]

I definitely get what you're saying. It's like when I work very hard to get straight A's or close to it. I would tell my parents, and they would be like ... and your point is? You're supposed to get grades like that. That's what African kids do.

It took me until my late 20s to come to terms with the fact that this is just how most African parents are. They don't mean anything by it; they just don't want you to get too "big-headed" and stop working so hard lol.

My family is not even *thinking* about my hair, despite the fact that at near CBL, its the longest its ever been in my life.

But that'll change when I get "Janet" length hair. Cuz I'll be whipping it every chance I get! Lol

 

[chrisanddonniesmommy]

I always had long hair; so, it's nothing new to them. I think what they do notice is that I do most of my hair care myself now with herbs, etc. and they are a bit interested.

 

[Forever in Bloom]

i think she's thinking back to when you were a kid too...and your hair was long... i dont think she means it like "your hair looks really good, but thats not an accomplishment because you had long hair when you were young too", i think its like "your hair looks good, but it was long when you were young too, so i knew you had the potential to grow it out again"

Hey, you stole my thoughts! Your mom knows you have the potential to achieve the length again. Now, my mom is always gushing whenever I straighten my hair, because my shrinkage makes my hair look shorter than it really is. At 6 months post big chop she thought my hair was long ... but I've always been stuck at NL/SL my whole life.

Thank goodness your mom is supportive and loves your hair no matter what stage you are at

 

[Sade']

OP your childhood pic is SOOOO adorable. Look at those long braids!! U still have the same cute smile. Beautiful hair.

 

[EbonyCPrincess]

Well girl, lookin at those pictures I would have to agree with your mother. In your "short" picture your hair was still long IMO. Now its longER! So your mom appreciates the growth and healthy, but its not surprising that you would able to achieve length again because you've had it previously.

I've never had long hair, as a child it was THICK but either SL or just past (never to APL). So now everybody in my family notices it and not all of them even know I'm on a hair journey. Plus my family doesn't see me regularly (away at school) so whenever I do see them I show of my progress and its a shock for them. Last time I was around my extended family, they all wanted to know in detail exactly what I had been doing for my hair, which really felt good. I'm looking forward to the holidays!

 

[lolascurls]

I voted "other" because, Yes they do take if for granted, but I haven't always had long hair!
They forget my hair length because I hide my hair alot and they see me do a length check maybe once or twice in the year!
I'll be honest, I prefer it that way, 'cause once I'm waist length stretched, watch out!

 

[KurlyNinja]

I just started on my HHJ but when I tell my mom that I'm growing my hair back out she doesnt pay me much mind. I think she thinks I'm growing out to APL which is what I was at most of my childhood. But sometimes I dont think she believes its possible for my hair to even reach to the same length it was when I was younger. I remember one time I had my hair cut in a neck length bob and she said "*sigh* your hair will never be the same". At that point I didn't believe it too much either. Thank GOD for finding LHCF!

 

[brg240]

i mentioned this in another thread in response but my fam is not impressed with me unless I am about hip length because I have never had short hair. I think my shortest was bsl-mbl. (And on both sides of my fam they had long hair) so with me they're not impressed.

just stay positive, you know what you are accomplishing right?

 

[davisbr88]

Re-thinking about this:
It really seems unfair for people to think that just because you had long hair as a child that having it now isn't an accomplishment. If it was so easy, there'd be a lot more long-haired ladies walking around, as I have seen multiple people who had long hair as children. I realize that people are going based on past "potential" but at the same time, you're putting in just as much work as the rest of us. I think that does deserve some praise. I think having long hair as a child might just help someone believe it's more attainable because they know they had it before, but I feel like the road to get there can be just as hard and as long as someone who never had it, like me.
So, I agree. I don't think you're getting enough credit.
But there will always be people who won't give you the credit you deserve. Just like I know people will discount it when my hair gets long because I'm short even though there is a thread up now that just confirmed that the average to WL for anybody regardless of height is 30"... and for me it's 29", but I digress).
But again, keep doing what you're doing. Take pride in it yourself, and lean on us for support if you need it. You know I'm always ready to make goo-goo eyes over some pitchas!

 

[Janet']

Re-thinking about this:
It really seems unfair for people to think that just because you had long hair as a child that having it now isn't an accomplishment. If it was so easy, there'd be a lot more long-haired ladies walking around, as I have seen multiple people who had long hair as children. I realize that people are going based on past "potential" but at the same time, you're putting in just as much work as the rest of us. I think that does deserve some praise. I think having long hair as a child might just help someone believe it's more attainable because they know they had it before, but I feel like the road to get there can be just as hard and as long as someone who never had it, like me.
So, I agree. I don't think you're getting enough credit.
But there will always be people who won't give you the credit you deserve. Just like I know people will discount it when my hair gets long because I'm short even though there is a thread up now that just confirmed that the average to WL for anybody regardless of height is 30"... and for me it's 29", but I digress).
But again, keep doing what you're doing. Take pride in it yourself, and lean on us for support if you need it. You know I'm always ready to make goo-goo eyes over some pitchas!

AWWWW! Thanks, Hon!!! And you are right, I have seen many people try and discount a person's progress because they are a shortie and that too is so not right! You're right...I'm going to just keep doing what I'm doing!

 

[hannan]

Girl, you just have to pay them no mind. You have absolutely gorgeous hair! As long as YOU are enjoying your hair, then you've got nothing to worry about. The hair ain't growing on their hair, right? My family reacts the same way except my mom and I are getting flack from the rest of our family. It gets rough but you gotta keep your head up high and whip your hair back and forth at em.

Btw, did I mention your hair is GAWJUS?! And I don't think there's been a challenge I've lurked where I haven't seen you cheering everyone on. You're a gem, Janet'!!

 

[niqu92]

my family never pays any attention to my hair because its always been long
2yrs ago i cut my hair from MBL to like 2 inches past APL and now that im almost WL no one really says anything because theyre used to seeing me with long hair since i was little. Maybe when i hit HL they'll actually notice how much my hair has improved

 

[Janet']

^^^I hope they do niqu92...you have a lovely head of hair!

 

[Lita]

OP: I understand..(When I was younger I had Thick,wavy,red/brown hair with natural blond streaks in some places/very healthy) My Goal (To get my hair back to being really Nice thick/very healthy) but,my family members some care & some don't to them its still long & thick/to me its not.....

Just stay focus & you will reach your goal in no time...

(Very pretty hair as a child)




Happy Hair Growing!

 

[Missjae09]

My take on this is subject is unless you are dealing with someone who is on a HHJ they don't really notice your growth they either put you in one of two categories and that's : long or short. (there have been other discussions about how in the black community SL and longer is considered "longhair"). So if you are from SL to MBL (i'm guessing) you are considered to have long hair and there's no distinction between the two in the general public.

My hair has never been beyong SL however for the past decade or so my hair has been very short. I wore pixie cuts, spikes and short bobs.. I'm now dusting SL and no one has said a THING! I will admit that it was a bit disappointing but I had to remind myself that I want long hair for ME. I also realize that people just don't notice unless its a dramatic change.. i suspect people will notice my hair when I'm APL! LOL

 

[Qtee]

I voted "other" cause although my hair only a little longer than it was in high school..my family notices my length because they remember when I cut it short last year..so a little over a yr I went from a couple inches to a little past APL...that growth is definitely noticed..