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Has anyone ever tried to give hair advice to a friend?

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DRL100281

DRL100281

New Member
First let me start by saying>>> I have been friends with this young lady for over three years. I've never seen her natural hair because she wears wigs, phony ponies, weaves, or hair pieces. She finally decided to wear her own hair out,,,, and her hair is very "chopy" or UNEVEN. all her hair around the perimeter just needs a trim....however almost all her hair in the middle (from crown to nape) is broken off>>> much shorted then hair along the perimeter. She is blow drying everyday with little to no product on hair (last product she used was GEL). I advised her to lay off the heat, try to add a pre-poo, and DC to her weekly wash, get a trim, etc. SHE TOLD ME SHE IS AFRAID THAT WOULD DAMAGE HER HAIR.....WTF?
 
haha:) Well I guess I shouldn't laugh. I started telling people and no one really listenend at first now I've had the hair talk with a few and they are happily on a new path as well as their young daughters...give her time and a few progress pics and she'll come around:)
 
lol yes and I stopped doing it. None of them realy listened. Oh well, I'll just keep chugging along, maybe when I have my hiar touching to top of my jeans then they will listen to me :)
 
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well, when we met... I had just cut my hair above shoulders... Now I'm just about APL. she always ask what I'm doing to my hair. I told her and that's what she said..."I worried that would damage my hair" I just don't understand
 
People are afraid to let go. Even if it's bad for them. Somewhat like an abusive relationship.
 
I don't think you should advise anyone who isn't your minor child if they didn't ask you for it.
 
I have a friend who relied only on stylists since she was 9, didn't know how to do anything with her hair. Now she is grown and moved away from home, and instead of finding a new stylist or learning to take care of her relaxed hair, she BC'ed before we met. So when I met her, she had a TWA. Unfortunately she didn't know what to do with it, so she would get braids for a while, take them out and pick her hair out into an afro. She did this every day. Finally when I found LCHF I asked her to start a HHJ with me. She said no and I never mentioned it again, but out of the blue one day she asked me for help. She asked me to flat iron her hair so she could see its true length, and we'd go from there. She assumed she had a lot of shrinkage. It has been over 2 years since she cut off all her relaxed hair.

She has neck length hair. :burning:

She cried and cried. I tried to explain to her that picking out her hair is bad. She broke off her ends every single time, and that's why she made no progress. None at all. I offered to braid her hair for free, every two weeks, just to keep her hands off it. I tried to teach her to braid her own hair. She wants to throw extensions in it again, but I'm not convinced she knows what to do with her hair when they come out. I keep trying to tell her that she needs to learn how to treat her hair and care for it, not hide behind extensions and weaves. It's a good protective style, but not if you're going to break off all your ends with a metal pick the minute the braids come out. :nono:

I tried to show her how some LCHF members went from a TWA to shoulder length in 6 months with healthy hair practices, but she didn't want to hear it. It's even worse now that her husband has said he's sick of the twa, and told her she needs to do something with her hair. I know it sounds mean but it's been over 2 years with the same style and it doesn't even suit her. She keeps saying she doesn't know what else to do, and I'm giving her alternatives left and right, but some people would just rather wallow in misery than make the effort to pick themselves up. :nono:
 
I been there also. . People with unhealthy hair ask me how can they get healthy hair like me: 2 girls (1 girl actually co-washes her hair into a banana clip and loves her hairs transformation.) (the 2nd girl said washing her hair isn't good for ur hair wen her hair is so severely damaged. I told her she has to cut off her damaged hair and she refused to let go on ear length damaged hair for the thought of healthy short hair.)

I have another friend (soror) who always asked & nvr took my advice until a lhcf lady did a workshop on my campus and said everything I did. So she came to my room and asked me to please make her hair soft and I did. 3 of my friends are on a hhj now...yay.

And that other girl still says she wants hair like me & won't take my advice.

"oh how u get ur hair so long." I say "shea butter". If they r curious and want to kno more, I'll carry a convo. If not, they still know where to find shea butter
 
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It is my experience that they do not want any advice on their hair although they can clearly see that your hair is thriving. I just leave it alone and it has come to a point that me and a close friend can not discuss hair at all. Too much drama.
 
It seems like people always ask me for hair advice after while they're in the middle of doing it .

Like my friend just literally murdered her scalp with a perm a week earlier , just shampoo'd with White Rain , didn't use any conditioner , blow dried , and then asked me to make her hair look like mine and handed me the flat iron . I'm like :perplexed .

I offered to do her hair every week and she was game , but she wound up doing own thing . :ohwell:
 
I actually have people ASK ME FOR ADVICE! I give it, and then they don't take the necessary steps. I have a friend who is still the same length that I saw her last year. She is natural as well..flat irons her hair on the highest setting, no protectants..nothing.

Last time I saw her, she was asking me (again) what I was doing with my hair. I suggested she check out this forum, along with NP and Hairlista..all to no avail. I can't begin to tell you how many times she says she wants me to send her some EVCO! I'm like, "woman you can get it yourself at the store" But nope..she doesn't want to do her own work or research!

Its one thing when you voluntarily offer your tips and tricks to someone on how to get healthier hair. It's another when they COME TO YOU seeking advice and then still don't do anything about it.
 
Some women are just looking for a simple solution. When there are steps involved like co wash, moisturizing and sealing..they don't want her it. It's like weight loss..ppl are constantly looking for a quick fix..and don't want to put in work. Then they hate on you when the see your long hair..because they don't have the strength within themselves to make it happen. I try to be optimistic and say everyone has a point in their life when they want to better themselves..and they will look to you for advice
 
My sister's hair has the hardest time with moisture and I told her to baggy to see what happens. Well, she liked it and was doing it and her hair was happy. Well, fast forward to today and she is no longer baggying and her ends look like wow. She didn't want to do it anymore when I suggested it again.
 
I give advice if I'm asked and try to keep it as basic as possible. I don't care whether they follow it or not- it's their hair, not mine.
 
I would join you ladies who no longer offer advice but Some people Do Eventually Listen...Bless their hearts. But i'm still learning too(pssst...and i'm lovin' it!)
 
i've tried to give most of my friends in depth solutions on how to better their hair, because none of them retain any length. Now i just keep my advice to myself, since all of them swear up in down that I'M putting "too much chemicals" in my hair by moisturizing and sealing. I'm "breaking/drying" my hair from weekly washes and co washes. my hair's going to fall out... etc ! I figured they're going to come to me when they see the results, and i'd be glad to get them started on their journey at anytime!
 
My sister and my nieces are prime examples, no hair growth, doing the same thing expecting different results!!! As a matter of fact, as time progressess their hair gets worse...oh well
 
my friends hear me talk about my hair and my hair products sooooo much but i never advice them cause first of all NONE of them believe black people can grow long hair :rolleyes: they think i'm wasting my money in purchasing conditioners/moisturizers/oils and second of all my hair is not long enough yet :sad:
 
also i don't like giving detailed advice. Only times i've given advice was to strangers (i used to braid hair @ a salon) who asked for ideas on how to grow their edges back (stop getting micros uh-duh lol but i'm not about to fcuk with my money :lachen:) but i just tell them about LHCF and how wonderful it is :yep:, no details from me :nono:
 
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