I fell off the wagon

[diamondlady]

I decided after a year of shedding and losing hair to transition w/o the BC. After 4 months, I relaxed again. I have gone as many as 6 months w/o relaxing but I just could not take it anymore.

I didn't know what to do with my hair. I could tell my husband didn't like the styles I was wearing, even if he would never say it. If I wore a braid out, he would overly compliment me, but my hair would really shrink and be impossible to comb and would have a lot of knots in it at the end of the day.

Now, I kinda feel like I failed, but I'm glad I decided not to chop it all off. What kind of styles and how do you natural ladies handle your hair? I just think, after years of relaxing, I need to re-education myself on how to handle my natural hair.

 

[Peachtree]

Diamondlady, I don't think that u've failed ... u did what u thought was BEST for your hair...that's what matters!

As for styles, I primarily wear my hair like it is in my sig (first pic), or buns. I handle my hair by not handling it (if that makes sense).... I'll pin it up (bun, pony) & call it a day. I'll wear it out once the weather gets warm... ((it's freezing here)).

Do u have any pics? I'd luv to see ur hair

 

[Poohbear]

Diamondlady, I don't think that u've failed ... u did what u thought was BEST for your hair...that's what matters!
...
Do u have any pics? I'd luv to see ur hair

I agree!

...and btw, Peachtree, your hair looks beautiful in those pics in your signature!

 

[jetcitygirl]

I think most of us have failed in our first attempts to go natural. Before I found hairboards I'd tried several times and gave up. But you need to post about your diffuculties before giving up! My braid-outs shrink to high-heaven and get frizzy by the end of the day but I solved that problem by using setting cream on my hair before braiding it. Keeps it stretched out all day and a few drops of Kemi Oyl (best hair oil I ever used) on the finished product keeps it moist-looking,soft, and shiny. Of course I never had a husband to please while I was learning so I can understand your feelings of pressure. I hope you try again someday!

 

[jainygirl]

Dont feel like you failed anything . The first time i attempted to transition i fell off and touched up after 14 weeks. I even posted about it here in the forum. The second time I attempted I was 8 weeks into my touchup when i made the decision to transition for a year then BC. 3 weeks later at 11 weeks post touchup i chopped. It was just the right time for me and i was totally commited to not turning back to the relaxer. I threw out my jar of relaxer -- no need to keep it around anymore. I then set out to see how long i was going to go before chopping.

I made the decision that if i gave up on my transition that i would be giving up only to do the B.C. early. I made the decision that relaxing wasnt an option for me, my only choices were gonna be to endure the transition for as long as I could or BC earlier than i had anticipated. I BC'ed with 11 weeks of new growth and officially only a 3 week transition.

One thing i know for myself is that i had my hubby's support to do whatever i wanted to do with my hair as long as i was happy. Even though i was gonna be making my decision for myself, it DID help to not feel like something as trivial as my hair was gonna cause drama in my home. After my first failed attempt at transitioning i was never really content with my hair because i knew that for myself that touching up hadnt been really what i wanted to do. But at the same time i had it set in my mind that i had to transition for 1 year then when i didnt reach that goal what did i do ??? I reached for my 'trusty' jar of Revlon Realistic and did the only thing i knew how to do -- touched up.

As far as learning to deal with your natural hair, it's the same thing as learning to deal with your relaxed hair. It's all trial and error. Just like people come to this site and dont know how to properly take care of their relaxed hair and try, try try different things before they see the results they want. This is the same thing with your natural hair. It's not gonna happen over night. After trying different products and routines, like some people no 'poo every day and others no 'poo ever few days while some of us use shampoo and others swear that shampoo in all forms doesnt do a thing for their hair. You have to try things and find what YOUR own unique hair likes and dislikes.

Good luck girlie and either way be sure to not let other people guide your choices. Just do you . -- jainygirl

 

[hopeful]

diamondlady,
Not too long ago a transitioner posted to say that she managed her two textures by blowdrying once a week, wearing her hair in a pony, and being very gentle to her hair. She seemed to feel a little guilty about this but she said it was making the months of transitioning bareable. Does anyone remember who this was? I tried a search but couldn't find the thread. She had been transtioning for months and her hair looked very healthy. Dealing with two textures can be very stressful for some people. Hang in there. Maybe some other ladies will have more ideas for you. Good luck.

 

[kristina]

I agree with everyone that you shouldn't worry about it. One suggestion is to try wearing braids (assuming you can wear them- I know some people don't like them). I had a texturizer put in my hair at the end of 2002 and after wearing braids for two years, I have a lot of natural hair now. You will of course be delaying the evitable because I think everyone goes through the awkward period when they have no clue (like me, right now). But at least with braids you won't be grappling with the texture difference all the time. I wish you the best.

 

[sassygirl125]

Don't feel bad. You did what was best for right now. I'm sorry your hubby was less than enthused with your efforts. I wore my natural hair "out" for the first time EVER over the holidays. My dad said, "Well, go fix your hair so we can go."



It was "fixed".

You can't always please everybody...

 

[chocolate01]

Dont feel like you failed anything . The first time i attempted to transition i fell off and touched up after 14 weeks. I even posted about it here in the forum. The second time I attempted I was 8 weeks into my touchup when i made the decision to transition for a year then BC. 3 weeks later at 11 weeks post touchup i chopped. It was just the right time for me and i was totally commited to not turning back to the relaxer. I threw out my jar of relaxer -- no need to keep it around anymore. I then set out to see how long i was going to go before chopping.

I made the decision that if i gave up on my transition that i would be giving up only to do the B.C. early. I made the decision that relaxing wasnt an option for me, my only choices were gonna be to endure the transition for as long as I could or BC earlier than i had anticipated. I BC'ed with 11 weeks of new growth and officially only a 3 week transition.

One thing i know for myself is that i had my hubby's support to do whatever i wanted to do with my hair as long as i was happy. Even though i was gonna be making my decision for myself, it DID help to not feel like something as trivial as my hair was gonna cause drama in my home. After my first failed attempt at transitioning i was never really content with my hair because i knew that for myself that touching up hadnt been really what i wanted to do. But at the same time i had it set in my mind that i had to transition for 1 year then when i didnt reach that goal what did i do ??? I reached for my 'trusty' jar of Revlon Realistic and did the only thing i knew how to do -- touched up.

As far as learning to deal with your natural hair, it's the same thing as learning to deal with your relaxed hair. It's all trial and error. Just like people come to this site and dont know how to properly take care of their relaxed hair and try, try try different things before they see the results they want. This is the same thing with your natural hair. It's not gonna happen over night. After trying different products and routines, like some people no 'poo every day and others no 'poo ever few days while some of us use shampoo and others swear that shampoo in all forms doesnt do a thing for their hair. You have to try things and find what YOUR own unique hair likes and dislikes.

Good luck girlie and either way be sure to not let other people guide your choices. Just do you . -- jainygirl

excellent post jainy!! I too tried to transition last year around this time and I caved at about 4 months. Now I am 6 months post relaxer and just decided to transition again. This time I am more ready. I have it set in my head how long the rest of my transition will be and how I will handle my hair and what I will do with it. If it is something you want to do trust me you will do it. For right now you did what was right for you and the health of your hair and no one can fault you for that. I agree with jainy on learning to care for your hair being trail and error. Right now I wear my hair in a flexi set all week because it works for me, a lot of people would never rollerset at 6 months post relaxer.
For me the key is patience, just because I tried something this week and my hair didn't like it it's ok i'll try something else next week. Good luck, only you know what best for your hair and when you decide what you want to do just do it and forget about what everybody else is saying.

 

[SilkyandSmooth]

I think most of us have failed in our first attempts to go natural.

Exactly. I only lasted 12 weeks during my first attempt at transitioning. I just chalked it up to me not really being ready to give up the relaxers. Seeing all the beautiful heads of naturals and transitioners here on LHCF gave me the extra push I needed to transition the second time around.

ETA: Peachtree, your hair looks so beautiful.

 

[confused_one]

Don't feel bad, this is my first time transitioning im at 8 months, i've been keeping my hair braided so that helps, but when i did my week rest from the braids i was so fustrated, my thick hair was driving me crazy just to pull it back in a bun, i've come so close to chopping it off but i have no idea what i'll do with it if i did, so i didn't. I tried someones suggestion about the scurl activator and i used the gel also it help alot (i didn't like the sticky feel thou). Next time im gonna try blowing it out first before pulling it into a bun. But i heard that once you get over the transitioning period it gets much easier, so im trying to hang in there. I wish you all the best and if you decide to transition again, know that we all go thru this awkward period so you are not alone.

 

[diamondlady]

I want to transition because I've had so much shedding and breakage that I think natural may be the best thing for my hair right now.

I don't think braids is a good option for right now with so much hair coming out, the stress of extra hair on my already weak hair doesn't sound like a good thing to do.

I don't know why my hair is weak, I've been using healthy hair practices for over two years and I have retained some length that I can't bear to part with for the BC. I still believe that natural hair may help to solve some of my hair problems. I failed this time but maybe in the future, if I keep trying I'll hang in.

Thanks to everyone for the advice and the encouragement.

 

[pookeylou]

Hang in there Diamond...

I was able to do it successfully the first time, simply from watching the attempts from many before me. I got several books and I found a style that was a signature look that LOOKED natural...so the permed ends looked like natural hair, but I was not forcing the natural roots to be straight like the perm. The style did not cause any stress on the permed ends, so I could grow out my roots to a length I was comfortable with before I did the chop. I also did mini chops along the way.

Just keep getting up each time you fall. If you know what is best for your hair, then you will do that. Dont give up on yourself on dwell to long on what you "wish". When you're ready...you will do better the next time around.

I have a transition album to show you the style I did..and still do. The password is...In Transition

Feel free to check it out when you are ready to start up again.

Best wishes.