"I Have Concerns About Your Hair..."

[brucebettye]

I am so sorry that your aunt said that to you. Our family members can be our worst enemy. Don't worry about what she says because it is your head and you can do what you want with your hair. I stopped talking to my uncle and aunt because of something they said. So now everytime I see them they are so nice to me. But, I really don't care about what my family says, but I hope you won't let what your aunt said cause you to relax your hair.

 

[MusicandWine]

I find this hilarious. Mostly because it's just not that serious. Black people need to chill with the worrying about what other black people are doing with their hair and whatnot. I hear really crazy stories about women who are going natural and encountering mind boggling opposition from their family and closet friends! It's as if these women were joining a cult or something but it's just not that serious. Some of us will never really know how to love ourselves however we choose to live and wear our hair.

Pity.

 

[jamaraa]

*I don't want people to think that I'm trying to be like 'back in the slave days' when people let their hair grow out nappy.

*I couln't possibly be able to manage my natural hair. I would have to use a HOTCOMB or a SOFT PERM to be able to manage it.

I'm "concerned" that she missed or never even heard of the 1960s!!! People have had "nappy hair" since Kunta, ya know! . Ahh well, somethings you just gotta learn to laugh off.

BTW, what's a "soft perm"?

 

[lonelysky]

I find this hilarious. Mostly because it's just not that serious. Black people need to chill with the worrying about what other black people are doing with their hair and whatnot. I hear really crazy stories about women who are going natural and encountering mind boggling opposition from their family and closet friends! It's as if these women were joining a cult or something but it's just not that serious. Some of us will never really know how to love ourselves however we choose to live and wear our hair.

Pity.

Oh I know. That's how I feel. Like I've joined some kind of cult and have been brainwashed and they are trying to intervene.

People really do need to chill. Why is it that serious?

 

[lonelysky]

I'm "concerned" that she missed or never even heard of the 1960s!!! People have had "nappy hair" since Kunta, ya know! . Ahh well, somethings you just gotta learn to laugh off.

BTW, what's a "soft perm"?

DEAD @ Kunta.

I have no idea what a soft perm is. I'm guessing using a Just for Me or a mild kit???

 

[YankeeCandle]

I'm "concerned" that she missed or never even heard of the 1960s

BWAHAHAHA

[no ridicule meant to OP's loved one--but there's just too much "concern" to go around and I can't keep it to myself :swordfigh]

 

[YankeeCandle]

jcsavestheday, don't worry--I get a version of this lecture every few weeks about various topics not just related to hair. And my father weighs in as well.

I've never been relaxed, so I know it's not the same experience. But it's fairly close. The weight loss ones are the WORST. I also don't like receiving hair tips from Daddy--sorry, Daddy, but how would you know about women's haircare or styling?

I hesitate to call my love ones "concern trolls" because I know they're not trollin' the way real trolls do (for malice). They actually are "concerned." But why can't they understand that "concern" never feels good on the receiving end...no matter how heartfelt and well-intentioned the giver meant it to be?

 

[Stepiphanie]

Woow! Sorry OP! People really have some nerve.. trying to stage an intervention over some dang hair!

 

[30something]

I don't even get why people feel so negatively about natural hair. Its not even about natural hair period because men can walk around perfectly find with their hair, just one women is when its a problem... why is that? People who have a problem with it probably barely even know what natural hair looks like on a women. They just assume its bad because of what people have told them. That sucks to hate something about your self that someone else told you to hate. Either way, your hair looks nice. I don't even know why your fam is sweating

 

[Soliel185]

My Mom had a similar initial reaction when I told her I was going natural. She asked me how I was going to "wear" it and I said "I dunno" and she goes " so..you're just going to wear it in an afro?!?!"

 

[lonelysky]

My Mom had a similar initial reaction when I told her I was going natural. She asked me how I was going to "wear" it and I said "I dunno" and she goes " so..you're just going to wear it in an afro?!?!"

Like an afro is sum'n bad.

P.S. I stalked your fotki. Your hair is BEAUTIFUL!

 

[happylife]

have no doubt your hair texture is beautiful!

i dont think u should feed into others and conform into what they deem to be acceptable...i hope in the long run u are respected for standing your ground

 

[Shoediva]

It boggles my mind, how folks still are so hung up on hair. I just dont get folks deem it necessary to voice their opinions about a personal choice made by others, rather than support it. uggh!

 

[lonelysky]

It boggles my mind, how folks still are so hung up on hair. I just dont get folks deem it necessary to voice their opinions about a personal choice made by others, rather than support it. uggh!

I fail to understand, too. I've always viewed what I did with my hair to be my personal business. I didn't realize that it was something that others were so personally vested in.

 

[Hysi]

shut the front door! lol, but seriously don't be mad at auntie, she just doesn't understand. i think the decison to transition or relax should be YOURS based on what YOU want to do. trust when i tell you others who are not on a hair journey do not comprehend what we are trying to accomplish, but when they see the results....... there'll be questions out the wazoo about how you took care of your hair.

 

[MummysGirl]

I'm not surprised cos I've had a similar experience (it felt so much like an intervention)! Just do you and always be prepared for people's "heartfelt" comments.

I was at my friend's wedding in June (6 months post) and I had this rollerset:


My friends were gushing about how pretty my hair looked and telling me that was the best look/style for me....

Later in the day, when most guests had left, my newly married friend said,"MG, I'm not too sure about this your decision to go natural", I said... "Ok", she then asked, "How are you going to style your hair on your wedding day?" (Sidenote: I am not in a relationship so I am not getting married anytime soon!)... I just laughed it off cos I wasn't in the mood to get defensive.
My other friend then asked how I am going to style my hair, that the last time I was natural (in 2002, I was natural for a year. This wasn't by choice, my hair was severely overprocessed so I lived in braids for months then wore my natural hair out for my final year in Uni.), I always had my hair in a puff... I told her I know a lot about my hair now and how to style it so that won't be a problem... and it's my hair.

Gotta love friends and family!

 

[DivaD04]

if she knew how many transitioners/naturals that surrounded her everyday...boy, i wonder what her reaction would be. better yet, the fly on the wall when she finds out that there are many, many, many women from the stores, church, neighborhood, etc...do she give out free realxing cards?
-girl, love your hair despite those who disagree with your PERSONAL decisions(s).

 

[zzirvingj]

Tell her that you appreciate her concern but (1) you choose to stick to your decision, and (2) if she doesn't have anything encouraging to say about it than you would rather not hear anything from her about your hair from this point forward...and that goes for anyone else that feels the way your Aunt does.

 

[Mizz Diamonds]

I'm so sorry and what the hell is up with the slave reference and the 60/70's?

 

[Arian]

A welfare ponytail? What the heck does that mean? And what did they say about your braidout?

erplexed I don't know and I didn't care. What I realized was that my aunt and mom are from the "old school." And maybe if they broadened their horizons a little bit, they would see there was more to hair than just "the Wrap."

O, and they just didn't consider the braidout as a "hairstyle."

All I can say is when people don't know, they just don't know... I'll let them do the "side part, under" and I'll do me...

As you should do

 

[mrsjohnson75]

I can relate to this story..OP. I just KIM and do my own thing

 

[brownbean96]

My motto is, when people know better, they'll do better. Just continue to be an example of what healthy natural african / african-american hair looks like. Maybe they will learn something, be inspired, anything is possible. I would certainly be polite in my response as you were, because you do realize that it came out of concern.

Sigh, I so wish that we as a people would learn to embrace who we are and not run from our past! As if there is something wrong with looking like a 'slave' as they say. That is our ancestory - we should be proud to be and look like what we are - Africans - African American. And guess what, ain't no perm nor press gonna change that. Sorry, I had to change up my dialect a bit to make the point But really, THEY don't see us any different, straight, relaxed, kinky, twisted or whatever, we are still Black. And that's all good. Because the same goes for them - whether they have straight, curly, frizzy, kinky, stringy hair, whatever, aren't they still who they are? That's the thing, THEY don't have a problem with how we look or who we are, WE do. Soo sad. That is certainly part of my mission in life, to empower africans americans to embrace and appreciate what is naturally ours - what is GOD given to us. We have to be special, who else on this planet has hair like ours! But instead of celebrating out uniqueness we want to cover it and look like everyone else. I get the reason why but I think it's time to change those old attitudes.

Make your stance known Sis, hold your ground. Show them, positively, how beautiful natural hair can be!

 

[vainღ♥♡jane]

thats pitiful. every black person is not trying to run away from so called 'slave' hair, and folks need to quit tryin to pin natural afro hair as unprofessional. ​

 

[belle_reveuse28]

When I decided to go all natural, not even texlaxed, I knew there was gone be trouble (mmhm... that's how I said it to maself)...

One thing I noticed was when I had two textures in my hair, natural hair against relaxed hair can really look a hot mess. And although my natural hair is quite beautiful, it couldn't really hold a candle up to the relaxed hair at that point. But I kept pressing on because of the encouragement from other's journeys that I saw here.

My family would say "you used to care about how you look", or "you're so pretty, you could look so much better if you got a perm or straightened your hair". I continued to resist. I did get mad at times too. Being that my natural hair is curly and my ends were straight, it looked like a really nappy fro, which on some looks great, but for me, not so much. I kept pressing on...

Then I cut ALL the relaxer out but my hair was short, and so I kept putting it into two braids down the side of my head for awhile until I got past the awkward lengths that I couldn't do much with. I learned how to tame my curls and tweak them, soften my hair, make it shine, straighten it well when I want to, and so forth.

Now, my family gawks at my hair... Recently, I went on a short holiday with my cuz, a friend and my mom. When we got to the hotel, they were all getting dressed and plugging in their curling irons for their freshly relaxed hair, which is fine, by the way, but I had a messy curly bun in the back and the front of my hair was sticking up because of the long travel. I went and dipped my head under the sink, threw in some conditioner and castor oil, came up, shook it out and put on a no-show headband...and what I had was a head full of bouncy shiny curls... Everyone was staring at me with their mouths open talking about how amazing my hair was and how I looked like a model... There were lots of "daaaag" "oooohh" and "ahhhhh" and "I wish my hair was like yours"... And I didn't say anything back to them , I just said thanks and blushed and kept it moving... because them same folks don't remember how they used to put me down and make me feel bad, and joke how nappy my hair was... and sometimes it was because I was doing low manipulation... BUt anyways, the proof is in the pudding and now I got gawkers....

Keep moving toward your goal and press forward.... Many here have done it before me and will continue to do it after me and they have been, like me, VERY SUCCESSFUL!

Thanks for listening... I hope you are encouraged!

 

[dplyrooted]

Sometimes when we change to something taboo, it makes people umcomfortable and forces them to have to look @ themselves and choices they are making about that particular issue. I would either, let her have it in a loving way, or like someone else suggested shut the convo down in a grown *** woman type of way to let them know that it's not up for discussion.

 

[Hairsofab]

lol that sounds like some members in my family.

 

[Chevelure618]

It madkes me so sad when I see these misconceptions still exist about our God-given beautiful hair. Your hair is gorgeous.

Just keep on growing it out and when you reach your Classic length goal (or before) watch how that kind of discussion suddently changes to "wow...what do you use on your hair??" My answer would then be: Nothing. I stopped relaxing so often.

Keep going. Ignore the "advice"

 

[bbdgirl]

I did not have exactly the same experience as you, but something similar happened to me a few months ago.

I had just discovered the boards and was experimenting with stretching my relaxers. Around this time, my aunt, mom, and I were on our way to Las Vegas for our annual trip. Well, since I was stretching, I decided to wear a braidout, and was completely ridiculed by my family for wearing it. Finally, I washed it out and pulled my hair in a ponytail, only to be told my hair was too thick and I was wearing a "welfare" ponytail

Needless to say, my trip was ruined. But I didn't mean to hijack-just wanted to let you know it happens to most people one way or another.

Dang!
Some of our peeples really got some issues when it comes to hair. This is why so many of our sistas are rocking jacked up unrealistic looking wigs and weaves. Cuz we are not ready to be ourselves and love ourselves.

I am really sorry that this happened to you and now I am kinda pissed at your folx for doing you like that. SMDH!

 

[lonelysky]

I am kind of dreading Thanksgiving. I'm afraid that they may try to stage a massive intervention.

 

[jamaraa]

DEAD @ Kunta.

I have no idea what a soft perm is. I'm guessing using a Just for Me or a mild kit???

Well, I have to admit, Kunta Kente popped into my head...1st thought w/ the "slave" thing! I know that was naughty, but hey...I'm bad sometimes You just gotta laugh these things off...after all, they ARE absurd. If you're happy w/ your hair, don't worry if others aren't. After all, Kunta seemed fine w/ his!

Ok...Just For Me makes sense wrt "soft perm". I never knew what they were, but they are made for kids .