If I could offer my best advice to a recent BC, I'd say...

[Diva_Esq]

Ladies who have BC'd (and there seem to be a LOT of ladies BC'ing around here lately!!!), what did you learn about dealing with newly natural hair/ TWA/ frizzies/ curlies/ waves/ thickness/ ANYTHING YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE that could help a newly natural sister know what to do and what to expect immediately following her BC?

I have several friends who have BC'd lately and were REALLY DISCOURAGED after seeing their natural texture for the 1st day or two after. I even had one friend cry and say that she's not feeling her hair and wants to re-relax...THIS IS ONLY ON DAY 2!

I tried to talk her off the ledge and keep her from throwing away a yearlong transition, but I'm not sure I'll be able to convince her to wait, learn her hair, give it time and love what she has.

I know that it takes a little while to truly see what your natural hair is going to be like, but I don't think she's listening to me.

Any advice would be helpful. I'm also considering a BC soon, so it'll be helpful for me too! THANKS, BEAUTIES!

 

[Strangefruittree]

She should go do all the things that relaxed hair stops you from doing... go swimming... work out till you sweat balls... go to the club and dance like a maniac.. cause you are now free

 

[Janet']

...Although I was a long time transitioner and did not BC...what I can tell you is (and I think that this is one of the reasons that I did not BC) don't give up on yourself...Change is good (many times), but it is not always easy. There may be times when you feel unsure about your appearance, unhappy, etc (especially if you are not used to seeing yourself with short hair)...but keep focusing on the soon-to-future and think about the reasons that you decided to BC in the first place...I hope this helps,

 

[Diva_Esq]

She should go do all the things that relaxed hair stops you from doing... go swimming... work out till you sweat balls... go to the club and dance like a maniac.. cause you are now free

...Although I was a long time transitioner and did not BC...what I can tell you is (and I think that this is one of the reasons that I did not BC) don't give up on yourself...Change is good (many times), but it is not always easy. There may be times when you feel unsure about your appearance, unhappy, etc (especially if you are not used to seeing yourself with short hair)...but keep focusing on the soon-to-future and think about the reasons that you decided to BC in the first place...I hope this helps,

I will be printing this thread to share with her. We're having a social on Friday and I am compiling some info for my friends who are struggling with their BCs. I haven't BC'd yet, and due to my membership here, I am knowledgeable and don't have huge hair expectations. I know regimen development, styling, etc take time. I want to help others though, so thank you for your advice.

 

[tatiana]

Your hair will be "kinkier" than what you think it will be.
Shrinkage exists and it will be worst than what you think it will be.
Your hair may not shine like you want it to shine.
Your hair may not grow down like you want it to.
If you transition for a year+ and then BC'd that more or less will be your texture going forward.

 

[PeanutButterandHoney]

I was one of those who BC'ed and HATED it!!

I wanted to relax at day 1 and two.
On my pictures immediately post BC, I was boo-hoo crying, lol
I can look back on it now and laugh.

2b brutally honest, I hated it because I have "that" kind of hair (4b)
I felt like it ran ME.
I advise to NOT do anything drastic but to braid it up until you grow courage and find yourself more knowlegeable.
This is what I did.
8 weeks later I was READY and I look GREAT with my BC.

 

[Addy3010]

Relax-mentally not your hair. ( Probably be dissapointed if you relax a twa anyway) Just remember moisture is your best friend, and just let it be or k.i.s.s.

You have to learn to fall in love with yourself all over again. It just like getting any hair cut, your have to get used to see your "new" self...
I bought a wig after a cut my hair because i wasnt sure how i was going to feel...it is STILL in the package, not sure if i'll ever wear it either cuz i love my hair.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Breathe. Don't do anything drastic like relaxing. If it's really that upsetting, try wearing a wig for a bit. Maybe you could show her encouraging progress some members have made. Not to toot my own horn, but I BCed down to an inch of hair and you can see in my siggy where I am 3 years later. So taking the long view will help, I think.

 

[GaiasDaughter24]

I recently BC'd and while I absolutely ADORE my twa I do worry about that in between stage of not too short not too long. I'd suggest looking on youtube for twa hairstyles. I've found alot of styles that I can't wait to try out in a few months.

Patience is key. I'd say give it 6 months to a year before making any drastic changes. It'll take time to find a good regimen. I'm still working on mine. Until then make sure you stay open to different ways of hiding your hair. If you don't know what to do with your hair wig it out or braid it up for awhile until you can.

I also agree with Strangefruittree, imagine or partake in working out, swimming, etc. I can't tell you how great it feels to not have to worry about my hair getting wet in the shower. I've always hated showing caps now I don't need one. I can't wait for summer knowing that I can actually go underwater for the first time in YEARS!

Watch other peoples journeys on youtube. They are SO inspirational!! They give you a glimpse into where you'll be in the future. Type in "1 year natural hair journey" or something similar.

And lastly, remember WHY you BC'd. I can only speak for myself, but I know I wanted healthy hair with a wide range of hairstyle choices. I wanted that FREEDOM to dance, swim, excersize, etc. as well. Maybe write a list as to why you did and post it on the mirror so that you can see it every morning.

Know that you look FABULOUS!!! You were beautiful with longer hair and you're STILL beautiful with shorter hair. Besides, it'll grow back.

I hope that helps

 

[Nina_deF]

Yeah, day 2 was a kicker.
I woke up in a daze, wine was involved with my BC, took of my sleeping cap and .

So I flatironed it.
2 days later I washed and as soon as my hair started to curly up under the water I started to smile and felt a joy in my belly.

I got out of the shower, looked at myself and thought YEAH, I did it!

I don't have any advice really, I didn't have fuzz, my texture was a more pleasant suprise then I thought, although I'm not 100% happy I have to learn how to work with my difficult areas.

I having so much fun though!
I LOVE being natural, I really wish I wound have done this decades ago.

I just need it to be longer!

 

[LadyPaniolo]

The biggest shocker for me with my BC was how the people around me reacted. Even the white folks who worked at the library They didn't recognize me anymore and they were SO hostile to me, like I was going to take a poop on the floor or rob someone. These are the same people who would smile in my face and ask my opinion on XYZ book only a few days before I BCed

My neighbor at that time was from St. Martin, and he acted a plum fool. I don't know why he thought it was his business but he acted like I had cut off my leg or something. (You know what, next time I flat iron, I'm going to go over to their house to visit and let him see what going natural has done for me )

So when you are freshly BCed, it's important to surround yourself with loving people who accept and embrace your positive change

 

[Diva_Esq]

The biggest shocker for me with my BC was how the people around me reacted. Even the white folks who worked at the library They didn't recognize me anymore and they were SO hostile to me, like I was going to take a poop on the floor or rob someone. These are the same people who would smile in my face and ask my opinion on XYZ book only a few days before I BCed

My neighbor at that time was from St. Martin, and he acted a plum fool. I don't know why he thought it was his business but he acted like I had cut off my leg or something. (You know what, next time I flat iron, I'm going to go over to their house to visit and let him see what going natural has done for me )

So when you are freshly BCed, it's important to surround yourself with loving people who accept and embrace your positive change

@ the parts in red! Hilarious! I needed that afternoon laugh!!

Thanks for the advice! I wanted to hear the good, the bad and the ugly so I can share it with friends! Thanks so much! And yes, go flaunt all that pretty hair you've grown!

 

[RockCreak]

Well... I recently BC! Like this past weekend. And I am loving it.

This is not my first time doing the BC so I kinda knew what my hair was going to look like. However, I did gain some weight over the last couple of years so my face is a bit more fuller.

I told myself before I did it... that if your gonna do it...wear it well. So I am rocking my TWA with confidence.

I actually received a lot of compliments from my co-workers... they really like it. I was told that I looked different but it was pretty... My supervisor and manager even complimented me.

Oh! Try different products too. Especially if you want that curly look vs a straight afro.

 

[virtuenow]

2 BC Tips:

(1) "Moisture": Make sure you find something to soften & moisturize your hair. This can be the most drastic and shocking thing. For the most part I was fine with how I looked. Especially b/c most guys looked at me like Foxy Brown brickhouse or something (haha). But it was the way my hair felt. Hard.

Hair butters, coconut oil & jojoba oil are the best thing for natural hair (mainstream relaxed people don't know this and tend to buy greases or creams that have mineral oil/petroleum in prepartion for the BC). Get some shea butter and learn how to melt it in your hands; then twist your hair for a chunky, twirly twistout look. Twist it up w/butter at night to maintain a neat hair appearance for the next day.

Btw, I think hair butters feel like you put a relaxer on your hair. They really relax and help to stretch out the hair like no other.

(2) "The Look": Throw your shoulders back, chest/chin up, heels on, makeup on, and walk with confidence. Stand even more tall than you did before b/c u may be prejudged just on the hair; or you may feel masculine sometimes w/the short look.

If you want more hair or a different look, put micro braids in and grow it out some more; but you do not need to relax your hair. Eventually, you will notice how quick it grows, how to do different styles, and how to enjoy your new versatility. You can even focus on straight styles if that is your preference.

 

[cluelezz]

I wore big earrings and headwraps out for a while, and played with my hair whenever I was home to figure it all out. So my advice would be to give it a chance. Let the initial shock and fear die down. It gets better... easier as you go.

 

[BrandNew]

1. Be patient. Work with it. Consider your long term hair goals before you do something you may regret.
2. Spend some time in the mirror adjusting to your new look and working with different accessories to compliment it.
3. Block out all the negative people.

 

[bermudabeauty]

my best advice is that TWA can have style too. Don't be afraid to style the fro. If anyone would like twa styling ideas please feel free to contact my fotki. www.fotki.com/bermudabeauty

 

[Diva_Esq]

Great advice! Keep it coming, ladies!

 

[Filmatic]

Patience is always first. Take time to get to know your hair.

Moisture- It took me a while to find the what moisturized my hair after the BC but I am smooth sailing now. I would cw everyday to combat the dryness.

Don't let the TWA wear you. I hated my hair not because of the texture but because it was short. I went from BSL to TWA and felt like a boy. So I hid it for a few days but then I realized the TWA was me and it was time to love it cause I sure wasn't going to relax.

So I didn't let it run me. I started to play around with it. I did headbands and big flowers. I could be more loud with my makeup because it looked better with the short hair. My earrings could be BIG. I loved that.

 

[plastic]

... rock the accessories , hold your head up high , pop the lipgloss , be confident .. be truly confident with yourself , dont fake it because most people can see right through you, feel free and get ready for the responses ...

 

[maxineshaw]

Two things:

1. Don't go crazy with the products, and don't make other people rich. Just find something that works and stick with it.

2. Watch this video (has the best advice I've ever been given).

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

Have faith! (don't laugh but at my BC I laid my hands on my hair and said a little prayer for health and strength for my hair....length was a bonus)

I did my research first...I found Sera252 on Fotki...a woman with 4AB hair who is WL....And NATURAL! I was convinced that I could do it....I loved how soft my hair was, but when dry it was hard...I did weaves, and braids for the next 18 months after that....looking back I wish I had worked with it more, and established a regimen...But I had a little afro...hubby HATED my hair...and my co-workers were like "its okay"....

21 months later...my hair is past APL, almost BSB....My hubby is my photographer, and my co-workers are cheering me on as I go for WL....

Always think of the End result....Nothing worth having is ever easy!

 

[doriannc]

I had a looooooooooooooong transition. I transitioned from relax to texlax for 18 months, then from texlax to natural for another year, so when I bc my hair was almost to my shoulders. Even though I did have time to get used to my hair, it was still an adjustment to get use to my natural hair.

1) go to the big bodacious hair thread and learn how to right click + save. Look at the pictures everyday to give you inspiration on your new look.

2) like the other poster said, do everything that you now CAN do with natural hair, swimming, working out, going to the sauna/steam room and be proud.

3. find cute accessories for you hair, because it is time to express you. You are no longer part of the norm and should embrace your uniqueness.

When you have natural hair you have to be a little more self aware or pompous b/c people will try knock you down, strangers and people you know in life. But it's ok, because you are now a part of little sisterhood of natural women that are just like you. In fact, when I see another natural we always smile and talk to each other, like we know one another. And just the other night, while I was out with my relaxed haired friends, not one or two but 10 people stopped me to tell me how beautiful my hair was, one guy even wanted to take a picture with me.

But being natural isn't different from any other hair change, like a hair cut, new color, going from curly to permanently straight. So just think of it as that, you can always grow it out and start anew.

 

[cocoaluv]

I'd just tell her to continue protective styling with braids/weaves. I already knew I was a 4AB so shrinkage was going to be a big deal for me since I went from almost Bra strap length to a TWA. Length is a BIG issue for me I wasnt ready to wear my hair out so I would suggest just weaving it up for awhile. PLEASE try to convice her to not re-relax because after all that time/hard work it would be a huge waste.

 

[JinaRicci]

You're a great friend Diva Esq.

I would say to your friends: just have fun. Try different products, hair styles and accessories. I fell in love with headbands at this stage.

This is the time to get to know what works for your hair and the best thing is that you can wash it out so easily if it doesn't. Buy products in small quantities until you find the ones that work.

You won't get everything right on the first few tries and everything won't work for you but in the end you'll have a regimen.

If all else fails, remember the reasons why you wanted to go natural may still be there if you do relax. So you might end up still being conflicted or doing another BC... That keeps me from even thinking about relaxing every time.

 

[BlondeByDesire]

Well I'll give my two cents. Patience is a virtue.

I BC'd on 2/20 after a 15 month transition because I knew I wasn't ready for a TWA. Now looking back, I think I would have enjoyed that experience to see my hair grow out and bloom.

I am so in love with my natural hair. The styling possibilities are endless and I don't have to worry about sweating it out, getting it wet, a style not being perfect, etc. I can always jump in the shower and start over -- without having to worry about blowdrying, flat-ironing, calling the salong an appt., waiting the 6-8 weeks to get the next touch-up, etc.

It's so versatile and that's the beauty of it.

Find the right products that work for you. Moisture, Moisture and Moisture is the key

 

[KrystalClear]

I agree with these tips most def.
I was the one that BCed and was like WTF did I just do?
I literally hid for some hours before I showed anybody. lol
BUT, after I found some products to make my texture actually look polished and defined, I felt 110% times more confident. I LOVED it.

You have to surround yourself with positive people FOR SURE. You have to KNOW what you are "getting yourself into" and be ready for the change. Like a lot say, be mentally ready because your mental psych is very very important.

I know that I always had on some cute earrings, a little bit of makeup, and kept my attire up when I was rockin my short do. After the BC some feel like they look boyish, so this helps to amp up the femininity.

NO MATTER WHAT, don't RE-RELAX!
I REPEAT, don't RE-RELAX!

I DID THIS, and now I'm ALREADY transitioning after maybe 1 - 2 weeks of being relaxed. I did not think about how much I'd miss my hair.

Being natural really is a challenge AT FIRST, but it becomes easier, very fun to learn your hair, and there are so many benefits. The main benefit is KNOWING your hair is healthy. It will only get healthier. You have a unique set of hair on your head that NO OTHER person has, no other race has the hair we have that sprouts from our heads. You're hair will be thick and lush.

Like a lot of us have stated, being natural is: versatile. It really helps you grow in a different way that you just can't experience until you actually are that woman that is proudly rocking natural hair! You can grow your hair to great lengths and once you meet your goals, you will be SO proud of yourself. A sense of accomplishment will be addressed.

Also, I advise stalking other naturals with your hair type!​

That is why I even went natural in the first place. I was like wow my hair can do that and be that long within that amount of time! I realized the benefits of being natural. It is just a beautiful beautiful thing. Some of the most beautiful hair is on the heads of natural heads!



Just don't give up.
Be patient.
Love your hair, love yourself, and have fun! =)

 

[L.Brown1114]

i HATED my hair after BC'ing and a lot of people arent as conforting as you are. you are a great person for trying to help your friends instead of attacking them for having second thoughts. i bought lace wigs and micros and then i was like what the hell am i hiding from? i need to learn my hair and not hide it. so now i baggy overnight and co wash everyday because short hair in winter NEEDS hecka moisture! and also tell them YOU define beauty, a guy is attractive to your confidence, not necessarily your look.

 

[BostonMaria]

I would tell a newly natural that not everybody will have Maya's hair. Hell, I don't even think Maya's hair is Maya's hair LMAO

I would also tell someone that transitioning was one stage and the second phase is getting to know your hair. I would also ask that person WHY they went natural.... was it because they were following a bandwagon? Are they willing to accept shrinkage & coils instead of Botticelli curls? Take a deep breath, have fun putting stuff on your hair (I love this part) and give yourself at least a year to get used to it.

The truth is you really won't know how you'll feel until the BC is done. I remember seeing FRIZZ for the first time and was like what the hell is this and how do I get rid of it? LOL Thank God for gel! Oh those mornings when my hair was plastered to my head because it was too short for protective styles But there were good times. I also remember the first time I jumped into a pool with natural hair. It was the best feeling in the world. All I did was slap on some conditioner and my curls were just so pretty. Imagine that, pretty hair AFTER getting out of the pool. Who knew?!!! I have no regrets. Actually I take it back, I regret not doing this 20 years ago.

 

[Laela]

You're a good friend...

Like Addy3010 says...she'll have to fall in love with herself all over again, with the new look. Once she can move on from that, she enjoy her natural state as much as possible by:

• Wearing the BC and not letting the BC wear her. IOW, she must make up in her mind she won't let her hair dictate how she feels each day
• Surrounding herself by supporters or people who love her new look, daily if possible
• Avoiding negative folks or those who don't like her new look, as much as possible. I know Haters can be Motivators, but this is one situation that would have adverse effects
• Putting things in writing helps, too, for example..she could jot down 10 things she notices/likes or even loves about her new look.. i.e. it shows off her pretty eyes. This helps put things in perspective, because God made her beautiful. A BC will allow her to see her true beauty
• Do things/wear clothes that accentuate the look or her outstanding features - ie focus on eye makeup if her eyes are her best feature; if it's her lips, try new looks. I'm not a makeup person, but MAC lip gloss in the different shades did it for me
• Wear a T-shirt with an afro diva on it, for fun
• Focus on other things while she waits for her hair to grow.. When I did the BC, I'd become more health conscious and I paid more attention to my skin care, clothes, health, etc...
• Take a lot of pix!!! She'll be glad to have them in the future to inspire others
• Wear clothes, scarves, etc. from the Motherland (or knockoffs), for inspiration