Is Honesty Always the Best Policy

[cheetarah1980]

I love perusing hair albums. I especially like to see people's progress when trying to achieve healthier, longer hair. However, is it just me, or have any of you ladies ever seen an album where the progress pics didn't look very progressive? The hair might be a bit longer but it still appears really unhealthy (i.e. ragged ends, obvious breakage, etc.). In these albums I often see comments like, "Great progress!" And I sit there and think to myself erplexed, are we looking at the same pictures?
In cases where people's hair journeys seem to be going nowhere fast, do you find it best to either:
a) say nothing
b) lie and say their hair looks great
c) or tactfully tell the truth and offer suggestions for help

Personally, I just don't see the point in telling someone their hair is looking good when it's really not. Wouldn't that just keep the person on the same road to nowhere? And saying nothing doesn't help either. But is it rude or intrusive to say that maybe they need a new regimen. What do you think?

 

[hopeful]

I have never seen it where someone is not progressing at all. If I see even the teeniest of improvement I will try to give encouragement. But I will not lie. I would never offer advice unless asked but I'm also no expert either.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

I have never seen it where someone is not progressing at all. If I see even the teeniest of improvement I will try to give encouragement. But I will not lie. I would never offer advice unless asked but I'm also no expert either.

Agreed. I have seen the no progress progress pics, but I don't comment on them. I don't generally comment on fotkis anyway, but I don't see any reason in making disparaging remarks or trying to offer unsolicited advice.

OT: Hopeful, your braidout is SO pretty!!!!

 

[rdm]

I think that it is all in the eye of the beholder. What doesn't look like pregress to me may look like prgress to another. It is all subjective. Some people are happy to see 1/4" growth and consider that major progress. I like to encourage anybody and everybody.

 

[jamaicanadian]

This is a touchy subject no doubt. I don't say anything, but thats just the "lurker" in me. I think that eventually people realize they have'nt been making any progress if that's the case. They might even start a thread seeking help and suggestions. If so then I think it is suitable to be helpful and encouraging without offending them (that is one of the things I admire about this board) I would discourage leaving a painfully honest comment on someone's fotki because it is public and because they had enough courage to put their photos up to be offending them like that.

 

[guesswho]

Wow! Great topic, I see that a lot, now granted I always see progress but the length of time it took for them to see progress is sometimes really long, so I always give encouragement, like hang in there, or patience is key, or keep trying stuff like that, because growing hair is no joke you have ups and downs and sometimes you just want to give up, so I don't look at it like lying but more like encouraging I would love to hear other views on this topic.

 

[DivaRox]

For the most part I agree with the previous comments. What may not be great progress to one person may be leaps and bounds to the poster, depending on what their previous experiences may have been. When in doubt, it's never a bad idea to remain silent unless specifically asked. It also depends on your relationship with that person.

 

[mango387]

Wow! Great topic, I see that a lot, now granted I always see progress but the length of time it took for them to see progress is sometimes really long, so I always give encouragement, like hang in there, or patience is key, or keep trying stuff like that, because growing hair is no joke you have ups and downs and sometimes you just want to give up, so I don't look at it like lying but more like encouraging I would love to hear other views on this topic.

I do not believe that it is fair for me to leave comments as I do not have a Fokti.

As far as the bolded goes, I can imagine someone making the same comment about my hair. I have been faithfully taking care of my hair since the beginning of July 2006. My hair is only about three or four inches longer than it was then. (I did have four trims in that time period ). My hair is a lot thicker though. Sometimes, that is why I am also a bit hesitant to post pictures. There are some women whose hair grows faster than others because of genetics or supplements (I know people are going to say that everyone's hair grows on average six inches a year, but that is the average not the absolute). When people are comparing my hair that actually does grow slow (even w/o trims) with no supplements besides Flintstones and cod liver oil (whenever I remember), I just feel as if some people will always be way ahead of others. Therefore, I applaud everyone that has the COURAGE to post-whether she/he has Sacajawea hair or not.

 

[*Michelle*]

I think encouragement is best...or silence. I have seen some ends that weren't that great but the rest was and comments have been "nice hair" etc. I have wondered about that...but, the health of the hair is what I look at not how long it took them to get there.

I have seen a few post with pics where the OP seems SO excited (based on the title) and not very many people post and leave encouragement. (I have been guilty of this, too, usually cuz I'm too lazy to login and/or type...I know thats no excuse!) I often wonder if it is because our standards are SO HIGH that when something average happens we snuff our noses at the poster who doesn't have the longest/thickest/shiniest hair...just a thought.

Dang...I digress again ...I need to work on that sorry!

Since I don't know what this person is going through, has gone through or what challenges (no cut for 12 mos.) etc. I try to encourage or be quiet.

Off my soapbox...

 

[Cheleigh]

I don't say anything. I'm not going to encourage if I don't see the same progress they see, but I'm not going to offer my unsolicited, uninvited advice either. I'm sue I post photos where some folks are like but as long as they don't voice it, I'm cool with it.

 

[deejoy]

I dont say anything. I pretty much understand why their progress might not be that great: because they dont trust stylists to trim their hair (not to say you can't achieve great hair on your own, as many people have) and it takes a while to find the best regimen. I think they'll realize it on their own.

 

[Millahdoowop]

I don't say anything either. But if I post pics and my hair looks fugged up I HOPE someone says something to me. Like if my ends are messed up I would like to know. I don't want to think my hair is cool and in all actuality it is not. They don't have to say it publicly, a message would be just fine.

 

[Mortons]

Length is not always what people consider progress. Whenever I get my hair thicker or shinier without using tons of products I consider it progress. Heck I consider a decent rollerset progress Also, each head of hair is different, so I cant tell someone they have raggedy ends when that may be the thickest their ends have ever been. Rude thoughts never cross my mind when looking at people's fotiki's, I always see some good.​

 

[hopeful]

Agreed. I have seen the no progress progress pics, but I don't comment on them. I don't generally comment on fotkis anyway, but I don't see any reason in making disparaging remarks or trying to offer unsolicited advice.

OT: Hopeful, your braidout is SO pretty!!!!

Thanks Divine!

 

[RubyWoo]

I love perusing hair albums. I especially like to see people's progress when trying to achieve healthier, longer hair. However, is it just me, or have any of you ladies ever seen an album where the progress pics didn't look very progressive? The hair might be a bit longer but it still appears really unhealthy (i.e. ragged ends, obvious breakage, etc.). In these albums I often see comments like, "Great progress!" And I sit there and think to myself erplexed, are we looking at the same pictures?
In cases where people's hair journeys seem to be going nowhere fast, do you find it best to either:
a) say nothing
b) lie and say their hair looks great
c) or tactfully tell the truth and offer suggestions for help

Personally, I just don't see the point in telling someone their hair is looking good when it's really not. Wouldn't that just keep the person on the same road to nowhere? And saying nothing doesn't help either. But is it rude or intrusive to say that maybe they need a new regimen. What do you think?

In all honesty, I've never seen a fotki that didn't display progress and I've looked at alot of fotkis. Also, just because you don't think it looks like it's progressed or looks good, it doesn't mean others think the same way or are lying. Nursing one's hair back to health takes time especially if one has sustainted alot of damage. Any progress is progress imo no matter how minimal it may appear.

Yes, I think it is rude to tell someone they need a new regimen. If it's working for them based on how they feel and their personal comments, why knock it? It's their hair and if they feel good about it, let them be. If they request advice on how they could improve their regimen, then I think it's fine to provide advice.

 

[RubyWoo]

Length is not always what people consider progress. Whenever I get my hair thicker or shinier without using tons of products I consider it progress. Heck I consider a decent rollerset progress Also, each head of hair is different, so I cant tell someone they have raggedy ends when that may be the thickest their ends have ever been. .​

Thank you! I feel the same way.

 

[Ladyhenri]

I have never seen it where someone is not progressing at all. If I see even the teeniest of improvement I will try to give encouragement. But I will not lie. I would never offer advice unless asked but I'm also no expert either.

I totally agree with the above.

 

[LuvLiLocks]

I agree that honesty is the best policy, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you have to say whatever you think if it is bad. I think you (not you specifically, but people in general) should use tack if you must give criticism.

Example: I posted a progress picture, and someone commented on my progress but also asked me "IF" I was going to trim my ends now, or later.

I didn't feel the least bit offended, but was happy that the person asked it because I myself was debating whether I needed a trim, and the fact that someone else mentioned my ends helped me to make the decision that they did need attention.

I say, if you are commenting to be helpful go right ahead, but if not, it's best to not say anything at all.

 

[Radianthealth]

I am always honest and if I think that I can give advice that might help I do, because I would want someone to give me advice if they thought I was headed in the wrong direction.

I am always tactful when giving advice because the intent is not to offend but help the person

 

[CAPlush]

Well, even though the hair may not look longer, the hair might be stronger, and more moisturized, or might show other signs of improvement. It may also be thicker, but not visibly so.

Many take progress pics too close together. One month is not really enough time to make a difference for some one with average or below average growth. I would say if there are no visible changes in 6 months then that would be officially "no progress."

 

[cheetarah1980]

Length is not always what people consider progress. Whenever I get my hair thicker or shinier without using tons of products I consider it progress. Heck I consider a decent rollerset progress Also, each head of hair is different, so I cant tell someone they have raggedy ends when that may be the thickest their ends have ever been. Rude thoughts never cross my mind when looking at people's fotiki's, I always see some good.​

Totally agreed. Length is definitely not the only sign of progress. It's really great to see someone go from thin, limp NL to full, bouncy NL.

And you ladies are right, there is no reason to try to embarass people when they have the courage to show their journey to the public. And that's totally not where I was going with this thread. Moreso, is all out encouragement better or worse for a person trying to achieve their hair goals than encouragement tempered with tactful honesty?

 

[Demetrius Roberts]

I agree with all of the above.Me pesonally I did sports all my life so taking constructive criticism has never offended me. No matter what the case may be..But everyone here doesn't feel the same way.I would never give someone unwanted advice or try to demean their progress in any way.God made us all beautiful in our own skin no matter what our hair looks like.. U have to take baby steps before you can walk.. I would definetly want you ladies to be honest with me..

 

[bLackButtaFly]

Sometimes I do run into a fotki where the hair just doesn't look good to me. I generally don't think it's my place to criticize, and certainly not in public. Unless they ask me, I won't give a negative comment. I just won't comment at all. Remember what Thumper said, "If you can't say something nice don't say nothing at all"

 

[sholly6]

Honesty is in the eye of the beholder even if there's little progress somewhere in the pic it's still progress. And my parents always said if you don't have any nice to say about someone, then keep it to yourself we all are here to learn about hair care. Some might be a little ahead or behind but we're learning just the same. Great topic

 

[simplycee]

I speak only for myself but I take progress pics for ME. So that I can see my own progress. I share them so that I might encourage or inspire others even when my progress is slow. I can't speak for anyone else but sometimes my progess is an uphill battle and I know there are others who are stuggling like me. I am just happy that someone is willing to share their journey to longer, healthier hair.

I also feel if I don't have anything positive to say then I say nothing. It's rare for me to leave a comment in someone's fotki anyway. If I am inspired by someone's pic I send them a pm here. I do visit many, many fotki albums because I love seeing how other people are setting and reaching their hair goals. Then again progress for me is not only about length. Its also about going from damaged hair to healthy hair no matter the length and we all know that does not happen overnight.

So I guess my answer is say nothing.

 

[alundra]

I speak only for myself but I take progress pics for ME. So that I can see my own progress. I share them so that I might encourage or inspire others even when my progress is slow. I can't speak for anyone else but sometimes my progess is an uphill battle and I know there are others who are stuggling like me. I am just happy that someone is willing to share their journey to longer, healthier hair.

Me too, I guess you could say. I do have a picture in my sig, that's my first rollerset and first time successfully washing my own hair and I was proud.

I do take progress pics every month and write a "hair journal" twice a month about new products I am trying and how they make my hair feel, but that's just for me, and eventually when I do get progress, anyone interested in seeing my progress.

 

[Arcadian]

I always thought that fokis where not just about progress but also setbacks in a person's journey. Some people don't even share theirs because its a very personal thing (can't say i blame them either). I don't have a foki so I generally don't leave comments.

but IMO, when someone makes a disparaging remark on someone's foki it smacks of someone who has nothing better to do.

Some people do not know how to use tact to get their point across, some people are just outright mean and hateful to others. We've all seen how some take advantage of the anonymous feature in foki. And we've also seen people make nasty remarks where some of us felt they weren't warranted.

I've been baby butt bald twice and have had the most horrendous time before I found this place on whow to take care of my hair...so I'd NEVER say something bad about someone elses hair.

If a person asked for advice I'd give it based on my past experience and current knowledge, but if they're not asking I leave it alone. If they like it I love it and if they feel good about their hair then more power to them!

They may already have a plan of action on what to do and working on accomplishing that, no need in me to derail them. If they ask for an opinion about how thier hair looks and/or what they can improve upon and they ask for help, I give them an answer based on what I know so they're not demeaned or offended.

As women of color we already get crap from people outside of this forum, so why should we crap on someone who is here trying do better? Nothing wrong with being honest, but also nothing wrong with being tactful either.

I don't doubt that being here has raised all of our standards a lot. I applaud people who come here who are at least trying to turn their hair around as well as gain some knowledge on how to better care for their hair and switch that myth.

To me thats more important than seeing perfect ends.


-A

 

[StLucianSweetie]

As women of color we already get crap from people outside of this forum, so why should we crap on someone who is here trying do better? Nothing wrong with being honest, but also nothing wrong with being tactful either.



-A

Amen to that.

 

[e$h]

I don't say anything. I'm not going to encourage if I don't see the same progress they see, but I'm not going to offer my unsolicited, uninvited advice either. I'm sure I post photos where some folks are like but as long as they don't voice it, I'm cool with it.

I agree on the bolded.

 

[sareca]

I'm thinking, if you don't have anything nice to say...