Relaxed/texturized/natural- is the grass always greener?

[kristina]

Hello everyone,
Just to start, even though this is my first post (though I've been checking out this site for awhile) and this site has already been the best hair resource. The albums are really inspirational and I've learned so much. On to the question-I'm natural and don't know what to do with my hair. I know others have posted similar messages and that ultimately choosing to stay natural or add chemicals will be my choice but I would still love to hear from those of you who know have texturized or relaxed hair if you are pleased with your decisions and if there were any challenges that you did or did not anticipate. To those transitioning from relaxer- why are you transitioning exactly? One of my goals for 2005 is to get my hair heathier but I'm not sure what my approach should be----

 

[MeccaMedinah]

I am transitioning because when I initially found LHCF I was looking to grow long, healthy & relaxed hair. I had no idea what my natural hair texture was like and didn't really care. After browsing around the site for a while I began to realize the potential of 'our' hair. I realized that I did not need a relaxer to look cute. And, that you didn't need "good" hair to wear your hair naturally. I was a slave mentally and physically to that relaxer... I knew no better. Since January (when I found this site) I have totally embraced my naps. I haven't even been tempted to relax. Another thing I have a daughter that I hope to teach that she doesn't NEED a relaxer,period.

 

[LegallySpeaking]

I wanna know what the texturized ladies have to say too!

Kristina, I feel the same way. I'm natural and keep thinking I could have no shrinkage AND curly coils if I texturize my hair. On the other hand, the number of women transitioning make me question giving up my natural do'.

In asking around and trolling the boards, it seems like you really have to find a stylist who knows how to properly texturize. Some women end up being relaxed or looking like a hot mess.

Also, I was reading "Textured Tresses : The Ultimate Guide to Maintaining and Styling Natural Hair" last night and the authors claim that over time your texturized hair will become straighter because even though the stylist only touches up the new growth, the relaxer will still come in contact with your hair during the rinsing process. I don't know how true that is though.

 

[Cinnabuns]

I like MeccaMedinah, did not know how my true hair texture either until I joined this forum. It wasn’t until much later on October 31st of this year that I decided to transition due to a bad perm. Since then I have not gotten any chemical services to my hair and decided that my own hair texture was beautiful and decided to embrace my God given texture for all that it’s worth. Well the choice is your Kristina, if you like your hair texture now than stick with it and make it healthy by using products especially designed for your hair, stay away from heat and protect your ends with a good leave-in product while making a cute bun. Don’t forget to add your favorite lip gloss
Hehe I love to do this!

 

[candibaby]

I am transitioning because when I initially found LHCF I was looking to grow long, healthy & relaxed hair. I had no idea what my natural hair texture was like and didn't really care. After browsing around the site for a while I began to realize the potential of 'our' hair. I realized that I did not need a relaxer to look cute. And, that you didn't need "good" hair to wear your hair naturally. I was a slave mentally and physically to that relaxer... I knew no better. Since January (when I found this site) I have totally embraced my naps. I haven't even been tempted to relax. Another thing I have a daughter that I hope to teach that she doesn't NEED a relaxer,period.

I totally 100% agree with her.

 

[Poohbear]

When I first found this forum, I was amazed at the long haired relaxed ladies and wanted to achieve long, healthy relaxed hair as well. I never thought about going natural before. I also didn't know what it was all about either. I thought as long as your hair doesn't have weave or isn't fake, then it's natural.
What inspired me to go natural was seeing albums of natural haired ladies who could grow their hair long and healthy without a relaxer. Also, certain posts about how relaxers are not good for your hair wanted me to transition but not really because I've been relaxed most of my life and hadn't had any major problems from being relaxed. I just started to be curious of what my natural hair texture would be like and I would like to see that. So that's why I'm transitioning. Also, when I tried extending my relaxer touch-ups from every 4-6 weeks to every 12 weeks, relaxers wouldn't straighten my hair anymore. So I felt like I was wasting my time relaxing my hair when I could just embrace my natural hair texture.

 

[kristina]

thanks ladies for the responses- i definately think i'm going to give myself six months of being 100% natural before I even think about relaxing. i do like my hair natural and I know that either way I'm going to have put in some work if I want healthy hair. I love den's texturized hair but i'm really afraid of letting someone put in a texturizer- where I live, most places still look at you funny when you even say texturizer (and notices that you don't have a fade).

 

[divine]

thanks ladies for the responses- i definately think i'm going to give myself six months of being 100% natural before I even think about relaxing. i do like my hair natural and I know that either way I'm going to have put in some work if I want healthy hair. I love den's texturized hair but i'm really afraid of letting someone put in a texturizer- where I live, most places still look at you funny when you even say texturizer (and notices that you don't have a fade).

hair looks good to me......
You try natural hairsytle books ?

 

[NGC]

Your hair is gorgeous! Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

 

[Faith]

The grass is always greener...I've been thinking of going back to natural....again...sigh. LOL!

 

[Isis]

authors claim that over time your texturized hair will become straighter because even though the stylist only touches up the new growth, the relaxer will still come in contact with your hair during the rinsing process. I don't know how true that is though.

That depends on how the hair is protected while rinsing. I make sure the rest of my hair is protected with oils and is well covered before the rinsing process.

 

[model_chick717]

Hey ladies--I'm texturized and I luv it. I went natural briefly few years back because I was wanting "wash n wear" hair--to my surprise, natural hair took a lot of work--it wasn't for ME. Anyway, I like being texturized because I can wash-n-wear, I can rollerset, I can also wear it straight (but rarely).

I still have long for relaxed hair at times--just because sometimes I would like to wear straight styles more often and with more ease---but then I have a really good "curly day" and those feelings subside.

 

[blue_flower]

I've been texturized for a year and my hair was easier to comb when it was wet, but it was underprocessed. I have 3c-4a hair and my hair is as nappy as it was when I was natural. I often ask myself, gee, what was the point of getting a chemical in my hair if it's not going to make my routine any easier? I'm transitioning right now and I'm thinking of what I should do with my hair when spring/summer comes along. I was thinking of just trimming the texturized hair off gradually and that way I wouldn't lose a lot of length. Then I was thinking of getting a haircut and a full relaxer. Based on my experience, it's either curly natural or relaxer straight for me. Just keep in mind that texturizers work differently for people. There are others who've had success with them.

 

[jainygirl]

I've discovered that since i chopped that the grass on the other side looks kinda brown actually. Before i chopped i just knew that i was gonna take a long time to adjust to my natural hair especially going from long to short. Then i chopped and it was like, "Hello!! You look cute girl!!" . Now i play around with products to see what my hair likes and dislikes, but it's not even the same kind of deal as when i had my relaxed hair.

It seemed like when i was relaxed and i finally got my hair looking cute, then i would have to figure out a way not to mess it up, which way did i curl my hair to get this look, "oh man i hope it doesnt rain today my hair looks so cute", "Is it gonna be humid today", "It's cold outside but this hat is gonna squash my hair". I look back and i'm like dang girl how were you living before??? Even when i get stuck in the rain my hair looks cute now. I love riding with the windows down and not worrying about 'fixin' my hair before i get out of the car or running into the bathroom at work as soon as I get there to make sure my hair is where it's supposed to be.

My scalp is doing miles upon miles better as well. I hear people saying that their natural hair was good short but when it grew out it got to be too much work. My thoughts on that is, if my hair gets to be too much for me i'll just cut it and let it grow out and then cut it again and grow it out and cut it again and keep doing whatever makes my hair and me happy. There isnt enough shrinkage,frustration, boredom, experimenting in this world to make me go back to relaxing/texturizing.

I'm glad for everyone who is loving their relaxed and texturized hair it just isnt for me anymore. I was relaxed for 22 years so that's time served in my book. I'm so glad that i finally found something that feels like me there is no looking back. -- jainygirl

 

[GodMadeMePretty]

When I first found LHCF, I was on a journey to find out how to deal with my daughter's natural hair. I wasn't doing such a good job. When I happened upon the site in October, I had already decided to go 4 months without a relaxer. Then I decided to stretch it to 6 months. I bought the relaxer and everything - I had decided to switch to Fiberguard lye. Then I found out I was pregnant so there went my relaxing plans. When I had my daughter, I went to a stylist to get my hair done and the relaxer didn't take so I knew not to make that mistake again. So that put me at September 2004 - over a year past my July 2003 date. After my miscarriage, I just decided that I would transition since I had made up in my mind that I would be going a year anyway. Well, even if I wanted to relax after that one year - September rolls around and I'm preggers again. So no-brainer that it is - it'll be almost 2 years when May rolls around. I'm fine with my decision unless, of course, I have a girl with as much hair as my daughter. Then I might just for the sake of convenience go back to the relaxer. But then again, I wear my hair in the same style whether relaxed or natural so the only convenience would be when I wash it, I can comb through it in a minute as opposed to 20-30.

ETA: I have noticed that my scalp doesn't itch like it used to when I had the relaxer. I don't know if it was because I was using no-lye or simply because I didn't really get the build-up off my scalp. The itch-free life is very appealing.

 

[Nay]

First off, welcome to the board I looked at your photos, and your hair is pretty AND I think all of your different styles look cute on you.


Anyway, I've been natural all my life, so I can't tell you if the grass is greener on the other sides. But I can say that natural hair can be a joy if you find the products/techniques that work for your hair. Even shrinkage can be fun.

Whatever you decide, the ultimate goal is healthy hair, but you already know that

 

[Ayeshia]

I've discovered that since i chopped that the grass on the other side looks kinda brown actually. Before i chopped i just knew that i was gonna take a long time to adjust to my natural hair especially going from long to short. Then i chopped and it was like, "Hello!! You look cute girl!!" . Now i play around with products to see what my hair likes and dislikes, but it's not even the same kind of deal as when i had my relaxed hair.

It seemed like when i was relaxed and i finally got my hair looking cute, then i would have to figure out a way not to mess it up, which way did i curl my hair to get this look, "oh man i hope it doesnt rain today my hair looks so cute", "Is it gonna be humid today", "It's cold outside but this hat is gonna squash my hair". I look back and i'm like dang girl how were you living before??? Even when i get stuck in the rain my hair looks cute now. I love riding with the windows down and not worrying about 'fixin' my hair before i get out of the car or running into the bathroom at work as soon as I get there to make sure my hair is where it's supposed to be.

My scalp is doing miles upon miles better as well. I hear people saying that their natural hair was good short but when it grew out it got to be too much work. My thoughts on that is, if my hair gets to be too much for me i'll just cut it and let it grow out and then cut it again and grow it out and cut it again and keep doing whatever makes my hair and me happy. There isnt enough shrinkage,frustration, boredom, experimenting in this world to make me go back to relaxing/texturizing.

I'm glad for everyone who is loving their relaxed and texturized hair it just isnt for me anymore. I was relaxed for 22 years so that's time served in my book. I'm so glad that i finally found something that feels like me there is no looking back. -- jainygirl

good answer jainy i feel the same way you do....though I only had my hair relaxed about 4 times...after joining this forum in Oct 2003 i chopped a month afterward. I'm "done" with relaxers too. now granted i do salivate over a lot albums with silky relaxed hair, but it doesnt make me second guess myself as to why im natural.

 

[jainygirl]

good answer jainy i feel the same way you do....though I only had my hair relaxed about 4 times...after joining this forum in Oct 2003 i chopped a month afterward. I'm "done" with relaxers too. now granted i do salivate over a lot albums with silky relaxed hair, but it doesnt make me second guess myself as to why im natural.

Hey Ayeshia At first when i started typing i was like, "okay youre getting longwinded jainy" , but i'm glad that you understood what i meant. The experience has been so positive for me that i had to report every little babystep i'm taking . Like the first time getting caught in the rain after my B.C. and not having to run for shelter was worth every inch i chopped. Very freeing experience for me i tell ya . -- jainygirl

 

[PretteePlease]

wow as long as your hair is it looks like you know what you are doing. I noticed your press was from a stylist do you usually do your hair yourself or are you a regular salon goer?
The first question is what do you like, how do you like to look.
The second is what is your goal for your hair (you already mentioned health)
the next step is to decide if you can wear your hair the way you want
and still end up with healthy hair
-as far as the texturizer i would be very afraid to have someone do my hair who barely knows what it is let alone how to do it correctly

 

[Sharpened]

I can only say I am trying to keep my grass.

 

[kristina]

very interesting ladies.... well i'm still going to give it six months minimum- my hair is super dry from my neglect so putting on any chemical seems counterintuitive at this point. if i somehow could be assured that the texturizer came out really cute like modelchick's, i wouldn't hesistate- but like mentioned, i really have no clue whether my hair will curl nicely and whether the chemical damage will undermine my hair growing efforts. plus i don't trust any stylists. i don't say this in a void- the last time i tried a texturizer was in 2002, it thinned my hair out dramatically- and i still need to part with about 2-3 inches of hair as a result. but i think for now i'm not in a huge rush- i like my hair straight but i'm anxious to try some of the natural styles i've seen on others....thanks again.

 

[Lucia]

I think taking your time and moisterizing and babying your hair would be best while you
find out what will be best for you. I can tell you honestly I was natural all my life then I decided to relax then texturize both experiences were terrible for me even though I have naturally thick hair. I've found out that I'm actually allergic to the harsh mixture of chemicals any permanent wave or relaxer products my hair/scalp can't stand it and my hair breaks off in revolt. Both of these products dried my hair out incredibly and my hair was very, very thin with zero body. But now when I want the straight look I flat-iron and my hair is thick and full of body.
This is only my experience hopefully you won't go through this.
Before you take the plunge do a small patch test and see what happens over 3-4 months. If it turns out bad you keep the rest of your hair if good then your set.

 

[ProseChild]

Hi Kristina,

I think the grass is greener . I've been natural twice. The first time was 5 yrs ago, I had ZERO knowledge of how to care for natural hair. I shampooed my hair with poo every day, and rarely conditioned... and cried almost every day trying to comb it! So I relaxed again.

The second time was in 2003, I was natural for eight months and relaxed again April of this year. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my natural hair texture - I'm a very coily 4a/b, and I never dreamed that my hair was like this underneath it all! But I also never dreamed that it'd take 3 hrs for me to comb my hair! I did weekly combings so that my hair wouldn't get too knotty/tangled... and no matter what I tried, nothing eased the managability. Not to mention the boredom, I think I've done every twist, braid, puff, and I still didn't really know what to do with my hair. So I went back.

Sure there are days when I want to go back to natural.. and to be honest I've been thinking about texturizing, but don't want to end up disappointed again. I just think of all those hours I spent with my Denman brush and relaxed hair doesn't seem so bad!

I echo everyone else - just take your time and think about what YOU want. I think alot of times, we unconsciously or consciously make hair decisions based on the people around us.. but no one cares as much for your hair as you.

 

[DahomeyAhosi]

Hi Kristina and welcome. I am texturized. I was natural for a little over a year before I decided to texturize. I'm happy with my decision especially now that I"m brave enough to do my own touch-ups. I thought about going natural and relaxing completely a few times but I don't like straight hair and my natural hair was just too much to manage. So no, I don't think the grass is always greener. But it is true that chemicals respond differently to different people's hair so think about your options carefully before making a move. Good luck!

 

[Kengne]

very interesting ladies.... well i'm still going to give it six months minimum- my hair is super dry from my neglect so putting on any chemical seems counterintuitive at this point. if i somehow could be assured that the texturizer came out really cute like modelchick's, i wouldn't hesistate- but like mentioned, i really have no clue whether my hair will curl nicely and whether the chemical damage will undermine my hair growing efforts. plus i don't trust any stylists. i don't say this in a void- the last time i tried a texturizer was in 2002, it thinned my hair out dramatically- and i still need to part with about 2-3 inches of hair as a result. but i think for now i'm not in a huge rush- i like my hair straight but i'm anxious to try some of the natural styles i've seen on others....thanks again.

Hi Kristina! From what i understand -- a texturizer will not give you defined curls/coils like modelchicks or Tracy Ellis Ross if thats not your natural hair texture to begin with. e.g. if you have tight, curled hair with little to no definition all a texturizer will do is give you looser, curled hair with little to no definition. A texturizer loosens your existing curl pattern, not defines it.

My aunt has 4a/b hair, and she got a texturizer. It loosened up her curl pattern but that was about it! She always had to use alot of curl activator to bring back to life her "curls" *hm*.

And if u tried a relaxer back in '02 and it thinned out ur hair, why in the world would you want to go back? that's like killing yourself twice -- makes no dayum sense. Thats just my $0.02. But at the end of the day, you have to make the decision that best fits you and your lifestyle.

All I can say is that for me....the grass IS greener on the other side. I love my natural hair and can't fathom going back to the chems. Yes -- it does take longer to wash/maintain my hair than when I was permed but then again, my hair is Longer, Thicker & Healthier than it ever was when permed! So for me the benefits far outweigh the costs.

K.

 

[DDTexlaxed]

I loved my relaxed hair. I just decided to see what my hair would be like natural because I've never been w/o one. I don't know what awaits me in the future, but for now, I am doing a 3 month no heat, daily cw, challenge to see how my nat. hair can be handled. If I can't handle it, I will prob texturize it. No pressure....lol!

 

[model_chick717]

Hi Kristina! From what i understand -- a texturizer will not give you defined curls/coils like modelchicks or Tracy Ellis Ross if thats not your natural hair texture to begin with. e.g. if you have tight, curled hair with little to no definition all a texturizer will do is give you looser, curled hair with little to no definition. A texturizer loosens your existing curl pattern, not defines it.

My aunt has 4a/b hair, and she got a texturizer. It loosened up her curl pattern but that was about it! She always had to use alot of curl activator to bring back to life her "curls" *hm*.

And if u tried a relaxer back in '02 and it thinned out ur hair, why in the world would you want to go back? that's like killing yourself twice -- makes no dayum sense. Thats just my $0.02. But at the end of the day, you have to make the decision that best fits you and your lifestyle.

All I can say is that for me....the grass IS greener on the other side. I love my natural hair and can't fathom going back to the chems. Yes -- it does take longer to wash/maintain my hair than when I was permed but then again, my hair is Longer, Thicker & Healthier than it ever was when permed! So for me the benefits far outweigh the costs.

K.

True--a texturize won't give a person defined curls, per se--but I think it makes a persons curls respond better to certain products that WILL define the curls. Believe me, without my hair products--my curls wouldn't really be defined either.

 

[LegallySpeaking]

True--a texturize won't give a person defined curls, per se--but I think it makes a persons curls respond better to certain products that WILL define the curls. Believe me, without my hair products--my curls wouldn't really be defined either.

What products do you use to define your curls? I love them (yo' curls) by the way.

 

[CocoaButterflyy]

I was natural up until my freshman year of college. When I was natural in the beginning I wore 90% straight styles through pressing and a curly ponytail in the summer. So I decided to relax... I thought it would be more manageable to me but MY hair could not handle a relaxer. I actually had a regime similar to a lot of people on this board who are succesful with long hair but my hair fell out and broke off and I went from mid back length to having to get it cut in a short pixie style to hide breakage... so I transitioned again. In 2 years my hair is pretty much back to its regular length and is very healthy. I wanted a relaxer so bad but it wasn't for me...

 

[options]

Right now, I am texturized and have been since mid-October. I had been natural all of my life, except for about two years when I had a relaxer in junior high. I debated texturizing for a LONG time. It was not as if my natural hair texture and caring for it were anomalies to me; it definitely was not foreign territory. However, I got tired of having length and it never showing. I got tired of never being presentable if I wanted to wash & go. So after a lot of research on this board and elsewhere, I took the leap.

Now my 4A hair still looks like 4A hair, only the coils are stretched out slight more and my hair is more pliable after washing it. I CAN wash & go if I want to, and I will have more defined coils and curls, as opposed to a mass of frizz and kinks. However, I still find that I do a lot of twist- and braid-outs to maintain my hair and totally get the look I want. The upside to that is that my "outs" seem to last MUCH longer than they did when I was totally natural, and I get to show more of my actual length.

I am fairly confident that I can maintain my hair like this for a long time, and keep it healthy. I dare say I lose fewer strands now than I did as a natural because there is less snagging and snapping with my hair.