Just curious if any of you 4a/4b ladies has siblings with "good hair". I recently saw a pic of me and my little sister as kids and she had a big curlly puff and I had plats. Looking at the pics now, I realized that I didn't have bad hair as a child and that it wasn't as short as I thought it was. Growing up I was known as the one with the short nappy hair and my sister was the one with the long pretty hair. For so long, I tried to get "good hair" by abusing it with heat and chemicals. My mom began perming my hair two or three times a month by the time I was 5, although she never permed my sisters hair. Although my mother treated us the same, minus the hair care, my sister and I developed some animosity between each other growing up. It wasn't until today that I realized I really did have bad hair after all the years of abuse. This just made me wonder how healthy my hair would be had my mother and I not adopted such horrid hair care practices. Anybody have any similar stories?
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Siblings: Good Hair vs Bad Hair (Vent)
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patient1
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Hi there,
I have daughters with two vastly different textures of hair. My oldest has straight, fine, hair that creates large curls when wet and dries in deep waves. . .i.e. "good" hair. (This term is NOT used in our household and when used by others I counter it with knowledge depending on my energy level.) My five year old has kinkycurly hair that shrinks by at least 50 percent when dry. My texture is somewhere in between (like my baby girl).
Between the four of us there is a wide spectrum of hair textures and lengths. I try to embrace all of them but pay particular attention to my five year olds hair and affirming it's beauty. She had locs for a year or so but I undid them(long process) so that she could wear her loose hair. We put in braids, two strand twists, cornrows, bantu knots, etc. I work with her so that her hair is healthy.
If I'm guilty of anything it's neglecting my older child's hair. It kind of takes care of itself growing to whatever lengths. I've cut it into shoulder length and ear length bobs in order to manage it since it does tangle. It grows right back with the quickness. The other evening, my older sister, who had lots of hair issues growing up was combing my oldest's hair and telling her "Ohhhhh **** you have my dream hair!" I immediately affirmed my younger daughter's hair as desireable as well. My sister has locs by the way. . .kinda reminds me of another thread about natural vs. relaxed. The hair is not always a sign of how someone feels inside.
Anyway, growing up our mother had the same hair as my oldest daughter. We heard so much about our mother's good, long hair and tsk tsk tsk so sad that you all did not inherit it. It was my mother who taught us that there was no such thing as good hair or bad hair, only different textures. She learned to style our natural hair when we were kids. Even with that reinforcement, we couldn't be protected from the majority opinion of the wider world: NAPS ain't where it's at.
Now the opinion is changing slowly but surely. Everyone in my immediate family wears natural hair, children included (no pressing, perming, etc.). No one's chasing "good" hair and we work hard to keep the generation coming up from even starting that process. The best I can do is to counter all the messages that would make them feel that what the Most High gave them is insufficient. If they choose to have a chemical service in the future (18 and on their own) then I know it will not be because they were raised to believe it was a NEED. It'll merely be a WANT.
P1
I have daughters with two vastly different textures of hair. My oldest has straight, fine, hair that creates large curls when wet and dries in deep waves. . .i.e. "good" hair. (This term is NOT used in our household and when used by others I counter it with knowledge depending on my energy level.) My five year old has kinkycurly hair that shrinks by at least 50 percent when dry. My texture is somewhere in between (like my baby girl).
Between the four of us there is a wide spectrum of hair textures and lengths. I try to embrace all of them but pay particular attention to my five year olds hair and affirming it's beauty. She had locs for a year or so but I undid them(long process) so that she could wear her loose hair. We put in braids, two strand twists, cornrows, bantu knots, etc. I work with her so that her hair is healthy.
If I'm guilty of anything it's neglecting my older child's hair. It kind of takes care of itself growing to whatever lengths. I've cut it into shoulder length and ear length bobs in order to manage it since it does tangle. It grows right back with the quickness. The other evening, my older sister, who had lots of hair issues growing up was combing my oldest's hair and telling her "Ohhhhh **** you have my dream hair!" I immediately affirmed my younger daughter's hair as desireable as well. My sister has locs by the way. . .kinda reminds me of another thread about natural vs. relaxed. The hair is not always a sign of how someone feels inside.
Anyway, growing up our mother had the same hair as my oldest daughter. We heard so much about our mother's good, long hair and tsk tsk tsk so sad that you all did not inherit it. It was my mother who taught us that there was no such thing as good hair or bad hair, only different textures. She learned to style our natural hair when we were kids. Even with that reinforcement, we couldn't be protected from the majority opinion of the wider world: NAPS ain't where it's at.
Now the opinion is changing slowly but surely. Everyone in my immediate family wears natural hair, children included (no pressing, perming, etc.). No one's chasing "good" hair and we work hard to keep the generation coming up from even starting that process. The best I can do is to counter all the messages that would make them feel that what the Most High gave them is insufficient. If they choose to have a chemical service in the future (18 and on their own) then I know it will not be because they were raised to believe it was a NEED. It'll merely be a WANT.
P1
HoneyDew
Well-Known Member
I hate the "good hair/bad hair" thing, but my mom to this day will say my little sis had the good hair when we were young - better than mine. Meanwhile, she see's my hair now and wonders what I do. She just did not know how to take care of my hair.
I LOVE my thick, dark black hair. It can get pretty dry, but when it is well conditioned and moisturized, I get other people telling me that I have pretty hair.
Different textures have different needs, that's all.
I LOVE my thick, dark black hair. It can get pretty dry, but when it is well conditioned and moisturized, I get other people telling me that I have pretty hair.
Different textures have different needs, that's all.
caligirl
Well-Known Member
People told me that I had nice hair growing up, but not because I had "good hair." They always commented on how much hair I had and the thickness. I remember sitting in the salon getting my hair pressed and people would just stare in awe.
My grandmother was the one with the "good hair." She HATED any natural styles on me like braids or cornrows. I always had to have a fresh press before going to see her.
My grandmother was the one with the "good hair." She HATED any natural styles on me like braids or cornrows. I always had to have a fresh press before going to see her.
Thankyou for your responses. My mother had me at 17 so she was just as young and ignorant (I love my mama though) then as majority of society was/is about AA standards of beauty when it comes to hair and haircare. My mother has 4a but since she has gotten older it is becoming 3c/4a. And do you guys know still to this day her nor my father will admit that I have their hair, they blame my hair texture on each other. Thats a damn shame, huh. I'm glad I'm comfortable with my hair texture and that I now know how to care for it.
Millahdoowop
Well-Known Member
We didn't have that problem in my household growing up, although my sister's hair was slightly more wavy than mine and her hair pressed easily. But we competed on who had the longer hair that's it. 
Naijaqueen
New Member
interesting, my mom always attributed me having thick black hair when I was younger to her side of the family. It was like a bragging thing for hger, but my lil sister and I never got into it about hair. Now she's all tryin to start a competition cause her hair is between shoulder and APL, I just laugh, and try to tell her to focus on keeping it healthy, because if she had, it would have been bra strap by now.
My family issues was more about complexion, lighter and darker. My lil sister probably got more slack cause she wasnt as light as I was growing up(now personally i think I'm dark), but apparently my dad's side(his mom) was really fair, and several of my older cousins took to that side. I could care less now, shoot i want my sister's skin, she never has acne problems!
My family issues was more about complexion, lighter and darker. My lil sister probably got more slack cause she wasnt as light as I was growing up(now personally i think I'm dark), but apparently my dad's side(his mom) was really fair, and several of my older cousins took to that side. I could care less now, shoot i want my sister's skin, she never has acne problems!
cocoberry10
Well-Known Member
We didn't have the good hair/bad hair inside our house. There are 3 girls in my family (no boys, except for my dad), and I am the middle. Both of my sisters have curlier hair than mine. My older sister's hair can grow past brastrap. When she was young, her hair was very long. She wears it at brastrap, and can cut it as short as she wants, and it always grows back. She relaxes it, so I'm not sure what texture it is, but I would guess 3c/4a (from her childhood, adolescent years, when it wasn't permed). My younger sister has 3b/3c hair and doesn't relax at all. In another post, I explained that people always ask us "what" we are. They assume my older sister has Indian (i.e. Native American) because of her hair, and they also think my younger sister is Puerto Rican/Latina, because of her hair. I have kinky textured hair (I think 4a/4b, maybe 4b, I can't quite figure it out). My dad has softer hair, my mothers is kinkier, like mine.
Even though my mother always told us that there is no such thing as "good hair/bad hair," and that we all have good hair, I admit that I used to feel insecure about the fact that my hair didn't seem to grow like my sisters. It was harder being sandwiched between 2 people who thought I was worrying for nothing. When we would get our hair done, they could always get a variety of styles, but my hair was shorter, and I would usually get the same bob style. Furthermore, most of the people in my extended family (cousins, grandparents, aunts/uncles) have finer textured hair, so that also added to the complex (some made comments about my hair, others didn't). Like someone said earlier, my mother always came to my defense, but it didn't always matter. I usually kept my feelings to myself, because my mother or sisters would always say "everyone has good hair," but inside, I didn't like my hair.
It's been a blessing for me to find this website, because I have learned how to take care of my hair for health purposes, not just to alter the texture, or grow it superlong. If it's meant to be long, it will be, if not, I accept myself as is.
Last, there are enough problems to worry about in the world, and it's a shame that we spend so much time hating/comparing ourselves. I've really dealt with my hair issues, and I wish society placed more emphasis on showing women of all hair types (not just silky textured) how to actually take care of their hair. That would do more for most people, and ultimately, most of us could have the long hair we desire.
Sorry for the sermon, but I needed to get this off my chest!
Cocoberry10
Even though my mother always told us that there is no such thing as "good hair/bad hair," and that we all have good hair, I admit that I used to feel insecure about the fact that my hair didn't seem to grow like my sisters. It was harder being sandwiched between 2 people who thought I was worrying for nothing. When we would get our hair done, they could always get a variety of styles, but my hair was shorter, and I would usually get the same bob style. Furthermore, most of the people in my extended family (cousins, grandparents, aunts/uncles) have finer textured hair, so that also added to the complex (some made comments about my hair, others didn't). Like someone said earlier, my mother always came to my defense, but it didn't always matter. I usually kept my feelings to myself, because my mother or sisters would always say "everyone has good hair," but inside, I didn't like my hair.
It's been a blessing for me to find this website, because I have learned how to take care of my hair for health purposes, not just to alter the texture, or grow it superlong. If it's meant to be long, it will be, if not, I accept myself as is.
Last, there are enough problems to worry about in the world, and it's a shame that we spend so much time hating/comparing ourselves. I've really dealt with my hair issues, and I wish society placed more emphasis on showing women of all hair types (not just silky textured) how to actually take care of their hair. That would do more for most people, and ultimately, most of us could have the long hair we desire.
Sorry for the sermon, but I needed to get this off my chest!
Cocoberry10
I have two daughters both are very beautiful. My oldest daughter has brown skin and beautiful auburn hair in the 4s. My youngest daughter also beautiful with very fair skin and her black hair is in the 2s.
Now I find that 90% of the time white people fawn over my oldest daughter and black people are fawn over my youngest. Maybe people just admire more of what they don't have.
Now I find that 90% of the time white people fawn over my oldest daughter and black people are fawn over my youngest. Maybe people just admire more of what they don't have.
Candycane044
New Member
Surprisingly enough, it was my brother and I that had different hair textures. He had the wavy hair and I had the kinky hair, and my grandmother used to get so mad because she'd have to press my hair. She would always say, "why can't you have just had hair like your brothers? It would be so much easier." But honestly, my brother was envious because I could do twists and beautiful braided styles a lot easier with my hair, and plus my father quickly explained that I had beautiful hair as well, and tried to counteract my grandmother's comments.
bluediamond0829
Well-Known Member
I didnt have that problem either in my house...my hair i think was more like Alicia Keys hair...i noticed that her hair poofs out after she removes her braids or cornrowsbut is still soft and fine to the touch..before i started with the chemicals...ive seen pictures of what my hair use to look like but i don think it is nothing compared to my sisters...my sisters hair even with a relaxer is just thick and coarse...mine on the other hand is just the soft and fine hair and curls up really fast...but my mom never did anything to damage one siblings hair over the other...
SqrpioQutie
Well-Known Member
hm.. interesting thread... my sister are 10 years apart so when she got here i was already doing my own hair for the most part so i can't blame my mom for anything... lol.. but i'll definitely say that we were never made to feel that one had good hair and the other bad hair, the textures are probably not too different... the only difference that ever came up was the length because my sister was always between armpit and brastrap and i was never patient enough to let it grow back to those lengths (i have been there before but i love short hair so i was always cutting)... now, i try to impress on my sister the need to take care of her hair (she's right past shoulder length but just will not take care of it so it's much more thin than it should be)... and now she keeps making comments of how she wants to cut her hair like me... so i guess it's all a cycle..
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