Sigh....I'm soo heart-broken

[FashionistaNY]

My niece, she's only 10 years old. Her crazy mother has been relaxing her hair since I could remember. I remember thinking to myself, how does she relax her hair, she's too small. Without exaggeration, I think my niece has been getting relaxers before she could even talk

Anyway, her hair has always been in a state of LHCF emergency. Brittle, dry, broken, short, damaged,....anything negative. She's soo hurt because she's trying to grow her hair and yet her mother is constantly slathering relaxers on her head and not caring for it.

None of us have a relationship with the mother because in soo many words, she's crazy. My brother is no longer with her, but it saddens me to see my niece in such bad condition. What can I do? Not to mention, her mother allows her to eat anything and she's becoming severely overweight, way too big for a girl her age.

 

[sprungonhairboards]

That's sad. It's really hard when you don't have a relationship with the person in control. Hopefully you'll get some good advice. I don't have any

 

[Ashee]

If you still have connections with the child (seeing her in person), then you can help give her some tips on how to care for her hair...
Other than that she'll have to wait until she's at an older age to take steps to be in more control of her hair...

-HTH

 

[lexi08]

This is sad. What about your brother? Can you express your concerns to him? Maybe he could be of some help. Does he know the state of his daughter's hair? Is he concerned about her weight/diet?

 

[Ms Red]

If I was in the situation, I would try to see her as often as possible (face to face). If you spend the day with her (similar to a mommy-daughter day), doing hair, maybe some a movie, just girl tak (age appropriate stuff), she's old enough to digest good advice. That's good news.

If face to face meetings are possible, I would take her to get her hair done the right way, (cute flat twists look great on girls, etc), or do it yourself. This can build a lot of much-needed self confidence in your neice. Maybe she is overeating becuase of low self esteem, boredom, lack of discipline (the list goes on and on). Reiterate to her how important being active (softball, basketball, running, rope) is... how important choosing the right foods are. Although she cannot control what is put on her plate (that's the mother's job! ), she CAN choose not to snack all the time. If she starts learning healthy eating habits now... it will help in the long run. With all of the magazines, commercials and videos out there promoting skinny models, even a ten year old is old enough to feel inadequate and low. I would just try to bring her self-esteem up. I know it's not your job but you are a concerned aunt. Summer is coming up-- if you can, get her away from the couch, tv, internet & snacks. I would find a park where you can walk and have fun (or a zoo). Pack healthy snacks and picnic lunches. Showing her might be better than telling her. ?

In addition, I would talk to your brother. If he sees your neice frequently, it might help if this advice and enouragement was coming from her father. It gives young girls a sense of pride when their dad cares for their education, appearance and overall well-being. Mine did and I still reap the rewards by having good self-esteem and an outgoing personality. My dad always cared if my hair was taken care of, if I needed exercise, etc. And thank God he took equal responsibility for me along with my mom.

Although I don't have children, I think these things might help. Good luck to you! And keep us updated!!!!!

 

[Spidergul]

The only reason I can see as to why the mothers keeps relaxering the girls hair is because it is easier to comb. If you know how or know someone who can keep her hair in braids ask the mother if you can take her and get it braided maybe then the mothers will not have to worry with it.
That is my only suggestion. As to what she eats-unless you live in the house with her it is going to be hard to control that.

 

[Bmm]

The only reason I can see as to why the mothers keeps relaxering the girls hair is because it is easier to comb. If you know how or know someone who can keep her hair in braids ask the mother if you can take her and get it braided maybe then the mothers will not have to worry with it.
That is my only suggestion. As to what she eats-unless you live in the house with her it is going to be hard to control that.

I agree with Spidergul-
I would ask her if I could treat her to getting her hair done, and get her some hair supplies too. What does the mothers hair look like?

I have a similar situation two of my sisters, live up in New Hampshire, anyway one does hair out of her home both have daughters of course the one that does hair daughter hair is very very healthy.

My other sister is so lazy as far as hair!! her daughters hair is a damn mess. My sister who does hair offers to do it-She doesnt let her! the last time I was up there visiting, she said that they do a mommy daughter day umph!!! I asked when was the last one ...last year!!! My niece hair is a mess. I was just shaking my head. Her mother doesnt want help I felt like slapping her! but there was nothing I could do.

 

[Ms Red]

Ok, my neice is in the SAME boat. Her mother is more concerned with getting her nails and pedicure and her weave than the health of my neice's hair (she is 4 years old). The only time I see her with a cute hairstyle is when I do it or when my mother does it.

The last time my mom did her hair, my brother cried and just said "she's so pretty ". There's really not much I can do though -- they live in Texas and I'm in PA. My neice tells me "I'm ugly" and "at school they laugh at my hair"......

I could slap that sister-in-law of mine. It's only a matter of time before she perms her hair, I know it.

 

[cocopuff]

I hate to say it, but sometimes there is nothing that you can really do to change the situation. I would still offer to spend time with the child and try to make it count by teaching her the importance of proper diet and exercise and by teaching her how to care for her hair. I was 9 years old when I started doing my own hair, so if you can teach her valuable tips, she may very well be able to do it herself instead of having her mother do it; maybe she could grow her hair out natural if she can't perm it herself. Although this information may be valuable, she is still in the care of her mother and you can't help what goes on in someone else's household. Like someone else said, maybe you could try talking to her father and he could be of some influence since it is his daughter, afterall.

 

[ThickHair]

How old is she? If she is a teen you can take her aside and give her some tips. BUT sadly it is ultimately up to her mother. Maybe you could be the first one to extend the olive branch of friendship as friends not as "Baby daddy's sister". Ya know.