So A Big Beautiful Afro=Unkempt? Huh...

[drmuffin]

So...I work in a local grocery store in my hometown. Yesterday after I checked someone out, I noticed a customer a few registers ahead of me with a big, bodacious afro checking out. I mean, this was like Pam Grier full-on 4B big. And it was this beautiful auburn color. I was like

So in the midst of my excitement, I turn around to one of my ASMs (shift manager type person) and I say "Joey! Look at her hair at [register] 6! That's what my hair's gonna look like when it gets bigger!" Please note that he's an 18 yr. old white male, so you know that he has NO idea about the black haircare struggle He says, "Ew...I don't like it. It looks so...unkempt."

***RECORD SCRATCH***​

Huh?

Obviously I'm (still) offended by that remark, and whenever he made it I gave him the "whatever you can go kick rocks into oncoming traffic" eye roll of death. He's still my good friend though, but I don't know what to make of the whole situation. Am I thinking too deep into this or is there more to it?

Sigh.

 

[Shay72]

I think you are thinking too much. Again he is an 18 year old wm. Besides who cares what he thinks anyway?

 

[LadyEuphoria007]

People like what they like and that just seems to be his opinion of the afro. I wouldn't sweat it.

 

[BraunSugar]

What he said was ignint (yes ignint), but he don't know no better LOL. People say a lot of dumb stuff to me regarding hair, natural hair, black women's ability to grow hair, etc. & I have to remind myself that people are mentally challenged on a global scale & I can't get mad at them.

I'm not even mad at him for being white and saying that. Black people say some of the dumbest things about ourselves and there seems to be no end in sight.

 

[WAVES4DAYS]

Don't sweat it he's young. When the time comes for you to rock your big bodacious fro...throw up the power to the people sign and keep it moving.

GIFSoup

 

[drmuffin]

What he said was ignint (yes ignint), but he don't know no better LOL. People say a lot of dumb stuff to me regarding hair, natural hair, black women's ability to grow hair, etc. & I have to remind myself that people are mentally challenged on a global scale & I can't get mad at them.

I'm not even mad at him for being white and saying that. Black people say some of the dumbest things about ourselves and there seems to be no end in sight.

I had a good laugh on that one!

 

[drmuffin]

Don't sweat it he's young. When the time comes for you to rock your big bodacious fro...throw up the power to the people sign and keep it moving.

GIFSoup

LOVE the gif! lol right on!

 

[choctaw]

He probably is familiar with chunky dread fro look ... e.g. lenny kravitz.

 

[Solitude]

I've been seeing a lot of people wearing big fros out and about and at work (their jobs, not mine - mostly retail stores) and most of them do look unkempt. Also, don't be impressed because a bunch of them are wigs.

 

[ms-gg]

Just tell him in a nice friendly way that afro textured hair is not unkempt and it is the way that most black people's hair naturally looks if we didn't straighten it. If he is your friend as you say he is, next time use it as a moment to enlighten him. We can all say that he doesn't know any better, but he is just ignorant about black hair because no one has ever told him about it. The only references that he probably has of black hair are the negative stereotypes that most other people have of afro textured hair.

Or you can just not bring up hair around him again. I don't initiate hair topics around people of other races, especially in a work like setting.

 

[finickyone]

Young, white male? Enough said! Girl, keep on aiming for your goal! I guarantee you when yours get that big, the only comment he will have is, well it looks good on you.

Ms-gg your fro is stop traffic gorgeous!

 

[aquajoyice]

He's entitled to his opinion, but don't let it skew yours. Keep aiming for your goal and make sure you create more threads and pics of your gorgeous fro. Because I love it and can't wait to see

 

[pookaloo83]

I've been seeing a lot of people wearing big fros out and about and at work (their jobs, not mine - mostly retail stores) and most of them do look unkempt..

How? ..........

 

[Foxglove]

Was he expecting it to look perfectly uniforrm?

 

[DDTexlaxed]

Even some naturals think this. It's just his opinion. Everyone has different opinions on what beauty is. Don't be offended because he was honest with you. Stick to your standards and you'll be fine.

 

[MzSwift]

GIFSoup

That's my dream fro right there! I love to see a lively, bouncy fro.

 

[kandiekj100]

Ah, bump him. You know what they say about opinions...

 

[ManeStreet]

It doesn't matter if he's gay, white, black, old or young. He's entitled to his opinion. Not everybody has to like what you like or think what you think. People are allowed to have their own preferences and opinions. Why are so many people on here offended by freedom of speech?

 

[EllePixie]

I would have asked him why it looked unkempt. I won't lie, there are some afros that I have seen that DO look unkempt, usually because it seems like the person does not ever comb/detangle their hair, so it ends up looking matted and often dry. It wasn't simply because it was an afro. I'm not one of those people that thinks that no one can ever insult natural hair...I'd talk about a white woman with stringy tangled hair, so why can't people comment on an afro? But, if he is one of those people with a strong "preference" for straight hair and anything that isn't straight is unkempt, I'd definitely educate him about how our hair actually grows.

OP, does he think that your hair is unkempt?

 

[ManeStreet]

And I'd like to point out that he said the afro at register 6 looked unkempt not that ALL afros look unkempt. Him saying that he doesn't like a specific auburn colored 4B afro in the supermarket isn't a personal attack or put down of you. So why would his comment affect you in any way?

And my other question is,how does his sexual preference have to do with the story at all? Did you include that fact as some way to try to sway us to discredit his opinion? So what he's gay? What does that have to do with auburn 4b afros? This is actually the 2nd post in the last 2 weeks where the poster has remarked that the person who gave their opinion was gay. And I'm trying to understand the reasoning behind it.

 

[Rei]

And I'd like to point out that he said the afro at register 6 looked unkempt not that ALL afros look unkempt. Him saying that he doesn't like a specific auburn colored 4B afro in the supermarket isn't a personal attack or put down of you. So why would his comment affect you in any way?

And my other question is,how does his sexual preference have to do with the story at all? Did you include that fact as some way to try to sway us to discredit his opinion? So what he's gay? What does that have to do with auburn 4b afros? This is actually the 2nd post in the last 2 weeks where the poster has remarked that the person who gave their opinion was gay. And I'm trying to understand the reasoning behind it.

I think she meant to say that perhaps if he was a white 18 year old gay male then it would somehow explain things if he knew about the black woman's struggle with their hair, as a way to emphasize why he would have no idea about the underlying issues blck women have with their hair. it doesn't really add anything to the story though. kind of weird to mention though.

 

[drmuffin]

It doesn't matter if he's gay, white, black, old or young. He's entitled to his opinion. Not everybody has to like what you like or think what you think. People are allowed to have their own preferences and opinions. Why are so many people on here offended by freedom of speech?

Ok whoa...I have zero issues with freedom of speech...I'm a history teacher for crying out loud...I loves my 1st amendment! But that's why I started this thread in the first place, to see if I was overreacting or if my feelings were just. Not to be attacked! I only described who he was just so ppl could get an idea of who we're dealing with, to illustrate that he really has no clue about the black experience. We are like best friends and I was pointing out how opposite we are. I was being completely FACETIOUS. I knew I was gonna catch some flack for that.

And as for mentioning his sexuality, please please please don't think I have it out for gays or lesbians...I'm straight as a freeway but I absolute love the gay community and I have all the compassion in the world for them.

 

[drmuffin]

I would have asked him why it looked unkempt. I won't lie, there are some afros that I have seen that DO look unkempt, usually because it seems like the person does not ever comb/detangle their hair, so it ends up looking matted and often dry. It wasn't simply because it was an afro. I'm not one of those people that thinks that no one can ever insult natural hair...I'd talk about a white woman with stringy tangled hair, so why can't people comment on an afro? But, if he is one of those people with a strong "preference" for straight hair and anything that isn't straight is unkempt, I'd definitely educate him about how our hair actually grows.

OP, does he think that your hair is unkempt?

He's never said it to me, well for one I'm still in my TWA stage, and two if he ever did he would get the black power fist to the face!

 

[Beautytalk69]

OP..where you expecting a different reaction? Once you said something about homegirl's hair to your friend you should of been ready for ANYTHING.

 

[EllePixie]

He's never said it to me, well for one I'm still in my TWA stage, and two if he ever did he would get the black power fist to the face!

LOL @ black power fist to the face. Some people in general find afros unkempt, even at TWA stage, that's why I was asking. I did have an ex that said that longer natural hair is not "neat" though, because the hair isn't going in one general direction.

 

[BraunSugar]

It doesn't matter if he's gay, white, black, old or young. He's entitled to his opinion. Not everybody has to like what you like or think what you think. People are allowed to have their own preferences and opinions. Why are so many people on here offended by freedom of speech?

And I'd like to point out that he said the afro at register 6 looked unkempt not that ALL afros look unkempt. Him saying that he doesn't like a specific auburn colored 4B afro in the supermarket isn't a personal attack or put down of you. So why would his comment affect you in any way?

And my other question is,how does his sexual preference have to do with the story at all? Did you include that fact as some way to try to sway us to discredit his opinion? So what he's gay? What does that have to do with auburn 4b afros? This is actually the 2nd post in the last 2 weeks where the poster has remarked that the person who gave their opinion was gay. And I'm trying to understand the reasoning behind it.

In your previous comment you mentioned freedom of speech. There was nothing wrong with saying that he was gay. She didn't use a slur or any offensive term regarding his sexuality. People refer to other people's race on here all the time, so I don't see there being a problem w/her referring to his sexual orientation.

The same as you said that his opinion shouldn't have affected her, why does her mentioning that he is gay affect you? No shade. I don't believe her comment hurt anyone. She gave us the background on who he is.

 

[drmuffin]

I think a few ppl have hit on what's running through my head.

That lady's fro wasn't at all misshapen, out of place, straggly, and to me it didn't look like a wig. I mean you could tell that took great care of that thang! It had that perfect fro halo going on and everything.

But, for him to say that was unkempt with such conviction and disgust was kinda like a "wow" moment. That her hair growing out of her scalp in its natural state was just the worst thing ever. I guess the main thing that I'm thinking about is "how many other people might have that same train of thought?" If this one kid is thinking that, then who else could be thinking the same thing? Black, white, young, old, blah, blah, blah. And yes yes I know, EVERYONE HAS THEIR OPINIONS, but it just makes me wonder. Because when I get there oh, I'm rockin' that thang, no holds barred!!

 

[drmuffin]

MzSwift My hair wants to be like yours when it grows up!

 

[drmuffin]

In your previous comment you mentioned freedom of speech. There was nothing wrong with saying that he was gay. She didn't use a slur or any offensive term regarding his sexuality. People refer to other people's race on here all the time, so I don't see there being a problem w/her referring to his sexual orientation.

The same as you said that his opinion shouldn't have affected her, why does her mentioning that he is gay affect you? No shade. I don't believe her comment hurt anyone. She gave us the background on who he is.

I CANNOT SAY THANK YOU ENOUGH!!!

 

[drmuffin]

OP..where you expecting a different reaction? Once you said something about homegirl's hair to your friend you should of been ready for ANYTHING.

Now that I think about it, you sho right...