Spin-Off: Hair and Jealousy

[Everything Zen]

So after reading the "Tell Me You Wouldn't Have Gone To Jail Too?" thread:

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=245355

It got me thinking- So many of us have grown to distrust stylists or even friends and family when it comes to our hair. What is the root of the issue concerning hair and people's disdain if you try to care for it or if you succeed in growing it long and healthy. Where is all the animosity coming from when anyone can learn to care for their hair properly as we all have here? What is it with women and hair? It seems that nothing else will bring out jealousy or hostility more than hair? erplexed

 

[geechi]

only person I would trust with my hair that i know IRL is a girl that is also a member of the forum.

Her and I discuss products often and her hair is beautiful. She makes me want to stretch something I'm seeing that is done often here on the forum

I don't see her doing anything to sabotage my hair. She doesn't know it but I might be going to her to trim and shape me up in August.

Hey pemuny!!

 

[lilsparkle825]

i just think that they wouldn't know what to do with it (as in they would treat it just like regular relaxed hair) - i have only met one stylist who told me my NG was really pretty, and she flat-ironed it for me after convincing me to leave it out in the front of my last sew-in. it was actually kinda nice.

everyone else, excluding than this dominican chick named monica, has told me it was time for a touchup.

 

[VioletWylde]

Women have A LOT of hair jealousy issues... One of my friends is always telling me to let her cousin do my hair, but I don't trust that she won't have the girl do something. I'm tempted not to let my own mother in my head anymore!

I'm not sure where to put the root of this problem only because there isn't really an acceptabe reason (outside of medical/medication related) for a woman not to have healthy hair (at any length, texture, relaxed, natural or anywhere in between) anymore. Sometimes (and you guys can disagree if you want) it all boils down to SHEER LAZINESS. A lot of the explanations are just EXCUSES and bad ones at that.

Money? Nope! You don't have to have a whole lot of money--I see ladies on here working it with low-priced hair care and DIY skills.

Time? If you're willing to put in 3 hours at the shop (plus waiting time) every weekend or two, you can to learn to braid or rollerset yourself and do maintenance on your own schedule.

Ignorance? Sometimes you just need to educate yourself and there is no shortage of information. There are plenty of resources forums, books, blogs, Youtube, magazines, healthfood stores and other women.

The "Good hair" myth -- I don't even have to explain this foolishness to you ladies.

Women who depend on seeing a stylist need to communicate with them about the service that they require for their tresses, and if the stylist isn't willing to work with you, look for a new one or resign yourself to raggedy hair.

There is no valid reason for hair-haterism. The roots are self-doubt/self-hate and cynicism augmented by laziness. As for stylists, too many of them have something to gain by making sure that you're dependant on them or they refuse to understand that their way isn't always the best way.

I would rather learn by trial and error than let other folks in my head these days. Until the majority of women come to their senses about their own hair, they won't so much as lay a brush into mine (I don't care if it is a Denman: Zeal without knowledge is dangerous)

 

[ladylibra]

chicks have jealousy issues about ANYTHING that makes you "better" than them. but the other stuff can't always be physically changed.

it's easy to sabotage someone's hair in seconds, and their hair isn't gonna recover overnight from it.

 

[mahoganee]

Women have A LOT of hair jealousy issues... One of my friends is always telling me to let her cousin do my hair, but I don't trust that she won't have the girl do something. I'm tempted not to let my own mother in my head anymore!

I'm not sure where to put the root of this problem only because there isn't really an acceptabe reason (outside of medical/medication related) for a woman not to have healthy hair (at any length, texture, relaxed, natural or anywhere in between) anymore. Sometimes (and you guys can disagree if you want) it all boils down to SHEER LAZINESS. A lot of the explanations are just EXCUSES and bad ones at that.

Money? Nope! You don't have to have a whole lot of money--I see ladies on here working it with low-priced hair care and DIY skills.

Time? If you're willing to put in 3 hours at the shop (plus waiting time) every weekend or two, you can to learn to braid or rollerset yourself and do maintenance on your own schedule.

Ignorance? Sometimes you just need to educate yourself and there is no shortage of information. There are plenty of resources forums, books, blogs, Youtube, magazines, healthfood stores and other women.

The "Good hair" myth -- I don't even have to explain this foolishness to you ladies.

Women who depend on seeing a stylist need to communicate with them about the service that they require for their tresses, and if the stylist isn't willing to work with you, look for a new one or resign yourself to raggedy hair.

There is no valid reason for hair-haterism. The roots are self-doubt/self-hate and cynicism augmented by laziness. As for stylists, too many of them have something to gain by making sure that you're dependant on them or they refuse to understand that their way isn't always the best way.

I would rather learn by trial and error than let other folks in my head these days. Until the majority of women come to their senses about their own hair, they won't so much as lay a brush into mine (I don't care if it is a Denman: Zeal without knowledge is dangerous)

Well said!!

 

[plastic]

some women can be a bit jealous that you came from having shorter hair than them to having hair that surpasses them ...

I for one think that some stylists think like that .. for e.g. my ex stylist's assistance met me when my hair was earlength, fast forward to a year and some later .. it was almost BSL ... until she decided to tear out my progress and throw it in the garbage and hide it with a paper towel .. yeh so its DIY from now on, only other female that is touching my hair is my sister (not even my mother can touch this).

Having said that, I know how bitter some women can be, I have heard about the chlorox in conditioner, sticking gum in hair while at the club, purposely starting fights just to pull at the hair .. Im really scared to go out in public full-of-people places and get something wicked like that happen to me (when my hair gets MBL of course). But then again Im so dark that they may think it is weave .. yeahhh for being dark !!!

 

[BrooklynSouth]

Women have A LOT of hair jealousy issues... One of my friends is always telling me to let her cousin do my hair, but I don't trust that she won't have the girl do something. I'm tempted not to let my own mother in my head anymore!

I'm not sure where to put the root of this problem only because there isn't really an acceptabe reason (outside of medical/medication related) for a woman not to have healthy hair (at any length, texture, relaxed, natural or anywhere in between) anymore. Sometimes (and you guys can disagree if you want) it all boils down to SHEER LAZINESS. A lot of the explanations are just EXCUSES and bad ones at that.

Money? Nope! You don't have to have a whole lot of money--I see ladies on here working it with low-priced hair care and DIY skills.

Time? If you're willing to put in 3 hours at the shop (plus waiting time) every weekend or two, you can to learn to braid or rollerset yourself and do maintenance on your own schedule.

Ignorance? Sometimes you just need to educate yourself and there is no shortage of information. There are plenty of resources forums, books, blogs, Youtube, magazines, healthfood stores and other women.

The "Good hair" myth -- I don't even have to explain this foolishness to you ladies.

Women who depend on seeing a stylist need to communicate with them about the service that they require for their tresses, and if the stylist isn't willing to work with you, look for a new one or resign yourself to raggedy hair.

There is no valid reason for hair-haterism. The roots are self-doubt/self-hate and cynicism augmented by laziness. As for stylists, too many of them have something to gain by making sure that you're dependant on them or they refuse to understand that their way isn't always the best way.

I would rather learn by trial and error than let other folks in my head these days. Until the majority of women come to their senses about their own hair, they won't so much as lay a brush into mine (I don't care if it is a Denman: Zeal without knowledge is dangerous)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Enjoyed your post, Violet! Takes care, b-e-l-i-e-f and making the time to do what needs to be done. Makes me sad when I think of those I tried to help with information, products and 'show and tell' who brushed me off.

 

[geechi]

oh yeah, I will always let my mama in my head.

Only thing is I have to constantly say do this don't do this that sometimes it's just easier to do it myself

 

[BrooklynSouth]

some women can be a bit jealous that you came from having shorter hair than them to having hair that surpasses them ...

I for one think that some stylists think like that .. for e.g. my ex stylist's assistance met me when my hair was earlength, fast forward to a year and some later .. it was almost BSL ... until she decided to tear out my progress and throw it in the garbage and hide it with a paper towel .. yeh so its DIY from now on, only other female that is touching my hair is my sister (not even my mother can touch this).

Having said that, I know how bitter some women can be, I have heard about the chlorox in conditioner, sticking gum in hair while at the club, purposely starting fights just to pull at the hair .. Im really scared to go out in public full-of-people places and get something wicked like that happen to me (when my hair gets MBL of course). But then again Im so dark that they may think it is weave .. yeahhh for being dark !!!

'Nowadays' it may be a saving grace for those of us with real, scalp growing, longer than expected hair..the haters don't bother as they just know it's a weave...erplexed

 

[tyte curlz]

I think that when a chick has nice length or some banging ends. most females insticnt is to hate, like the girl is doing some unrealistic ish like walking on Mars. No just like with everything else in this world you have to educate yourself. But people are so caught up on the here and now that they'd rather put a person down than take the time to educate themselves. This goes with everything IMO not just with hair. Education is the key to success.

BTW id still be sitting in jail

 

[Marand13]

I have never let anyone do my hair. It's ok because I know how to do many styles. But the main reason why is because anyone who said they want to do my hair or my daughters is over processed, dry, and is about an inch long. I would be a fool to let someone with hair like that touch my natural hair which is over a foot long.

If they dont know how to take care of their own how can they take care of mine or anyone elses?

About the jealously, I will never understand why some people are so jealous. They ask for advice, dont take it, and then talk sh*t about someone with natural hair needing a perm. Alot of dumb stuff like that...

People just want a quick fix. They figure if it wont grow long overnight it wont grow. Many people dont understand that most people who have what they have work hard to obtain it and to keep it. And they are too lazy to put in the work required.

 

[Everything Zen]

Women have A LOT of hair jealousy issues... One of my friends is always telling me to let her cousin do my hair, but I don't trust that she won't have the girl do something. I'm tempted not to let my own mother in my head anymore!

I'm not sure where to put the root of this problem only because there isn't really an acceptabe reason (outside of medical/medication related) for a woman not to have healthy hair (at any length, texture, relaxed, natural or anywhere in between) anymore. Sometimes (and you guys can disagree if you want) it all boils down to SHEER LAZINESS. A lot of the explanations are just EXCUSES and bad ones at that.

Money? Nope! You don't have to have a whole lot of money--I see ladies on here working it with low-priced hair care and DIY skills.

Time? If you're willing to put in 3 hours at the shop (plus waiting time) every weekend or two, you can to learn to braid or rollerset yourself and do maintenance on your own schedule.

Ignorance? Sometimes you just need to educate yourself and there is no shortage of information. There are plenty of resources forums, books, blogs, Youtube, magazines, healthfood stores and other women.

The "Good hair" myth -- I don't even have to explain this foolishness to you ladies.

Women who depend on seeing a stylist need to communicate with them about the service that they require for their tresses, and if the stylist isn't willing to work with you, look for a new one or resign yourself to raggedy hair.

There is no valid reason for hair-haterism. The roots are self-doubt/self-hate and cynicism augmented by laziness. As for stylists, too many of them have something to gain by making sure that you're dependant on them or they refuse to understand that their way isn't always the best way.

I would rather learn by trial and error than let other folks in my head these days. Until the majority of women come to their senses about their own hair, they won't so much as lay a brush into mine (I don't care if it is a Denman: Zeal without knowledge is dangerous)

Now THAT was well said VioletWylde. Righteous!

 

[Everything Zen]

some women can be a bit jealous that you came from having shorter hair than them to having hair that surpasses them ...

I for one think that some stylists think like that .. for e.g. my ex stylist's assistance met me when my hair was earlength, fast forward to a year and some later .. it was almost BSL ... until she decided to tear out my progress and throw it in the garbage and hide it with a paper towel .. yeh so its DIY from now on, only other female that is touching my hair is my sister (not even my mother can touch this).

Having said that, I know how bitter some women can be, I have heard about the chlorox in conditioner, sticking gum in hair while at the club, purposely starting fights just to pull at the hair .. Im really scared to go out in public full-of-people places and get something wicked like that happen to me (when my hair gets MBL of course). But then again Im so dark that they may think it is weave .. yeahhh for being dark !!!

Oh NO....

 

[Everything Zen]

oh yeah, I will always let my mama in my head.

Only thing is I have to constantly say do this don't do this that sometimes it's just easier to do it myself

Yeah I think I would always let mom play around- although she barely knows how to take care of her hair and I introduce her to products that I learn about on here, but I KNOW she lovew my hair.

When I was in high school- I had some braids put in by a woman who did a really messy job and my hair would stick out from the braids. I didn't really care about my hair back then so genius me decides to snip off all of the hairs that stick out. When it came time to take out the braids I had always had hair that was around APL and some parts were barely ear length. erplexed Mom broke down crying in my hair.

 

[ladylibra]

most females insticnt is to hate

i don't believe it's instinct. i think it's learned, yes even INGRAINED in us that we're supposed to be competitive with each other over what? men.

 

[Nightingale]

I believe it is about men. Long hair must make you a product of mixed heritage (like light skin) and you are more desirable to men. Being dark with long hair is like a saving grace. I don't believe this, but it is what I have seen, heard, and experienced.

 

[robot.]

it could be biological too, if you think about it. of course the media play into everything, but i think a lot of it boils down to our instinct as a race to pro-create (which i suppose you could red as men ). long, healthy hair is representative of the inner health of an individual, thus making them desirable as mates to pass on genes with. short hair is sexy hair too! but it's a little tough to override thousands of years of conditioning.

whenever i see a woman with long, healthy hair, i think of how nice it looks, but i've seen plenty of girls with long hair that just looked straight busted to me. just because it's long doesn't mean it looks good! i would rather have SL healthy, thick hair than MBL over-processed, thin hair.

but that being said, i look forward to growing some healthy and strong BSL (or longer!) hair! -snap snap!-

 

[RegaLady]

I think women can get hated on whether they have long hair or short hair, light-skinned or dark skinned. People have been brought up to think that it is a problem being something(whatever that is). Everyone will have a problem with somebody. There was a thread awhile back when I girl was leaving her job, and talked about how another girl( who probably wore a weave) thought she was all that. I mean, even people hating on people who wear weaves thinking they are all that. It is no longer a requirement to look one particular way, and people(men or women) hating. It just comes from insecurity and maybe a dose of pride.

I think stylists don't know how to care for hair like they used to. I think people are looking for quick fixes. And I think women shouldn't put so much faith into these stylist. Although, they are a service to us, they are also salespeople!

 

[tyte curlz]

i don't believe it's instinct. i think it's learned, yes even INGRAINED in us that we're supposed to be competitive with each other over what? men.

 

[Lucky's Mom]

There are alot of scarey stories out there.... Braiders who Glue hair.... or get a wet brush and brish the back of a press and curl, pulling hair on Purpose............ and this goes on...

I trust NO ONE in my hair. Sad - But quite true. I have only given 1 or 2 people a chance in 7 years...... And I only give them half a chance.

I must say that now I am a snob. I do not and will not go to the "hood" to get my hair done. I don't live around lots of black folks so - I just make do to do it myself.