Trying to convince DD big hair is okay-advice?

[Eisani]

I've been showing my 11 y/o siggy pics and Fotki albums of naturals and all the different types of curly heads. I'm trying to get her to wear a WnG w/a headband or something every now and then. She's still not convinced about wearing her hair just big and curly to school. You know how 6th grade was; not wanting to stand out too much, especially w/most of the other girls being relaxed. She loves her puffs but those need a rest.

I cowashed her tonight and took pics of her hair to show her how it would look to someone else and she's still not convinced (ended up giving her a donut bun). I wish I did have the perfect ringlets and coils she does, they look like finger coils but that's just how her hair loops. I blame her fat head daddy. Earlier this year, she was excited about cutting the last bit of relaxer off so she could rock her puffs and get her waves to poppin, which she still loves, but she wore a WnG one day and her dad told her "Tell your momma not to do your hair like that again." :hardslap: She thinks a lot of her daddy and of course his opinion matters to her but I was so mad at him for saying that. Like her hair, which he had a part in creating, isn't good enough in it's natural state. HATE him, but that's a whole other story .

Just a lil vent, sorry.

So what, should I just give it time and let her come around? I don't know what else to do. She'll be getting kinky twists this weekend, but what happens when I take them down? Am I buggin? It's not even just about the WnG, I want her to appreciate and embrace her curls and not be ashamed to let her hair be free from time to time. And stop talking about so and so's hair being relaxed! I don't give a damn!!!

 

[TexturedTresses]

shoot when you find out let me know because i'm trying to convince my cousin of the same thing. it feels like a losing battle.

 

[Eisani]

^^^ LOL, will do!

 

[Nonie]

I think you should just let her be. It'll grow on her and she'll soon start to appreciate it more. I think if you make a big deal of it, she'll become even more stubborn. (I remember how it was when I was that age.) It's wonderful that she loves her curls so work with her. Continue to praise them and compliment her on her styles. Remember, you're showing her pics of grown women and so to her, that's so old mama like; she wants to fit in with her peers so having big hair is not her thing right now. It's better not to push her coz her Daddy has already made her feel bad about big hair. If anyone else in school makes a deal about it, she may never ever want to wear it. So understand about her wanting not to stand out and become the center of attention--and probably some negative kind from some ignant kids.

Maybe in time she'll see a celeb she likes with big hair and want to rock that style, especially if her peers also think it's cool. Perhaps you'll have to approach the style gradually, building up to it slowly, rather than from slicked back to a pony to BAM! BAA. That can be a shock not just to her but to her peers too.

 

[Eisani]

I think you should just let her be. It'll grow on her and she'll soon start to appreciate it more. I think if you make a big deal of it, she'll become even more stubborn. (I remember how it was when I was that age.) It's wonderful that she loves her curls so work with her. Continue to praise them and compliment her on her styles. Remember, you're showing her pics of grown women and so to her, that's so old mama like; she wants to fit in with her peers so having big hair is not her thing right now. It's better not to push her coz her Daddy has already made her feel bad about big hair. If anyone else in school makes a deal about it, she may never ever want to wear it. So understand about her wanting not to stand out and become the center of attention--and probably some negative kind from some ignant kids.

Maybe in time she'll see a celeb she likes with big hair and want to rock that style, especially if her peers also think it's cool. Perhaps you'll have to approach the style gradually, building up to it slowly, rather than from slicked back to a pony to BAM! BAA. That can be a shock not just to her but to her peers too.

For some reason, this mental image had me

 

[momi]

I think you should just let her be. It'll grow on her and she'll soon start to appreciate it more. I think if you make a big deal of it, she'll become even more stubborn. (I remember how it was when I was that age.) It's wonderful that she loves her curls so work with her. Continue to praise them and compliment her on her styles. Remember, you're showing her pics of grown women and so to her, that's so old mama like; she wants to fit in with her peers so having big hair is not her thing right now. It's better not to push her coz her Daddy has already made her feel bad about big hair. If anyone else in school makes a deal about it, she may never ever want to wear it. So understand about her wanting not to stand out and become the center of attention--and probably some negative kind from some ignant kids.

Maybe in time she'll see a celeb she likes with big hair and want to rock that style, especially if her peers also think it's cool. Perhaps you'll have to approach the style gradually, building up to it slowly, rather than from slicked back to a pony to BAM! BAA. That can be a shock not just to her but to her peers too.

i agree! do you ever wear "big hair"???

when I was a kinky natural I would rock my afro with a headband and my daughter wanted to wear her hair "just like momi's"

 

[Kurly K]

awwww she will come around my lil sis is 9 and after seeing me wear my wash n go she cant wait til she can do the same

 

[Jetblackhair]

I think she will come around in due time. Being in 6th grade, I don't think she wants to be a maverick and stand out that way. I think at that age they are more concerned with fitting in.

Maybe on the weekends she can wear the wng and you can encourage other family members to compliment her on her hair. Also, maybe you can go shopping for hair accessories for her wng.

Are there any child stars that are rocking big hair?

 

[KizzieNapps]

I think you should just let her be. It'll grow on her and she'll soon start to appreciate it more. I think if you make a big deal of it, she'll become even more stubborn. (I remember how it was when I was that age.) It's wonderful that she loves her curls so work with her. Continue to praise them and compliment her on her styles. Remember, you're showing her pics of grown women and so to her, that's so old mama like; she wants to fit in with her peers so having big hair is not her thing right now. It's better not to push her coz her Daddy has already made her feel bad about big hair. If anyone else in school makes a deal about it, she may never ever want to wear it. So understand about her wanting not to stand out and become the center of attention--and probably some negative kind from some ignant kids.

Maybe in time she'll see a celeb she likes with big hair and want to rock that style, especially if her peers also think it's cool. Perhaps you'll have to approach the style gradually, building up to it slowly, rather than from slicked back to a pony to BAM! BAA. That can be a shock not just to her but to her peers too.

ITA! She's at that pre-teen age and just wants to fit in. The other girls at school are probably all relaxed. I agree with Nonie, dont bug her about it..she'll come into her own sooner or later. At the pre-teen age a lot of kids start caring more about their friends' opinions than their parents. Just keep that relaxer far away from her head!!!!!

 

[Eclass215]

6th grade - yeah she needs more time. The need to fit in overshadows the need to be orginal and unique and embrace your individuality. At least she loves her puffs!! Maybe one day when you're not even thinking about it she'll decide to try it out on her own. And if not - take a break for awhile and maybe convince her to wear it like that somewhere other than school first to get a feel for it. I'm sure she'll get complimented and it might boost her confidence a lil.

 

[HollyGolightly1982]

I agree with the others who said let her be. My hair was so broken up and damaged from relaxers but I just would not cut it off and start over no matter how many times my dad told me to do it. When I got a little older I chopped that raggedy mess off and started rocking my natural hair. Once she isn't so hung up on fitting in or looking like everyone else she will realize how much better it is to stand out.

 

[glam-]

I agree with the other ladies. 6th grade is hard with the desire to fit in. Some of us grown-ups had to take some time to embrace our big hair. If you don't pressure it, in time she'll want to do it on her own.

 

[Eisani]

i agree! do you ever wear "big hair"???

when I was a kinky natural I would rock my afro with a headband and my daughter wanted to wear her hair "just like momi's"

I wear my hair out and big quite often, she's a wee bit more modest/conservative than I.

I think she will come around in due time. Being in 6th grade, I don't think she wants to be a maverick and stand out that way. I think at that age they are more concerned with fitting in.

Maybe on the weekends she can wear the wng and you can encourage other family members to compliment her on her hair. Also, maybe you can go shopping for hair accessories for her wng.

Are there any child stars that are rocking big hair?

I agree with the other ladies. 6th grade is hard with the desire to fit in. Some of us grown-ups had to take some time to embrace our big hair. If you don't pressure it, in time she'll want to do it on her own.

I don't wanna press it because I already know that usually means instant rebellion and I remember 6th grade all too well. The shopping tip is a good idea. She's always down for that. I can't think of any child stars with big hair right now. I'll leave her alone-for now, but I am going to keep showing her stuff . Poor baby. I hated all this pre-pubescent stuff...why do they have to grow up so fast ???

 

[levone]

I think you hit it dead on the head above when you said she's a bit more conservative with her hair than you are. She may grow out of it or may not. I think it says a lot that she chooses to wear her hair natural given that a lot of girls in that age range are relaxed/pressed.

I'm 34 years old, natural for the past 5, and I've never like 'big' hair, relaxed or natural. That's just my 'style'/preference.

I do however, like the curly fro looks, etc. on other women, but I would definitely tone it down on my own head.

BTW, I think your hair is .

 

[BostonMaria]

You mentioned that she had a relaxer in her hair right? Because I am 37 yrs old and it took me almost a year to embrace my own curl pattern after being relaxed for 26 years. If she was used to seeing herself a certain way then she probably won't just love her hair over night.

She's at that awkward stage anyway. I wouldn't bombard her with too much information. Do you wear your hair in its natural state or straight? Because she might be admiring your long straight hair (nice hair btw, I always admire your siggie!).

My niece used to hate her 4a hair. Mind you she's only 8. My sister used to get her natural hair blow dried. When I did the BC my niece was like eww you look like a boy LOL which lucky for her I ignored cuz I wanted to give her a good spanking ha ha ha j/k she admires me alot and at some point she started to really like my curls. Now she likes to wear her hair curly. Not only did I have to wear it curly around her, but I also had to praise her "oh you look soooo pretty" when she wore it in a puff or wash n go.

Give her some time I'm sure she'll come around. As far as her dad, I'd punch him in the gut!

 

[DayStar]

this makes me want to transition..i dont want my daughter wondering why my hair is relaxed and hers is natural and feeling her hair is inferior...and dont get me started with your DH

 

[Eisani]

You mentioned that she had a relaxer in her hair right? Because I am 37 yrs old and it took me almost a year to embrace my own curl pattern after being relaxed for 26 years. If she was used to seeing herself a certain way then she probably won't just love her hair over night.

She's at that awkward stage anyway. I wouldn't bombard her with too much information. Do you wear your hair in its natural state or straight? Because she might be admiring your long straight hair (nice hair btw, I always admire your siggie!).

My niece used to hate her 4a hair. Mind you she's only 8. My sister used to get her natural hair blow dried. When I did the BC my niece was like eww you look like a boy LOL which lucky for her I ignored cuz I wanted to give her a good spanking ha ha ha j/k she admires me alot and at some point she started to really like my curls. Now she likes to wear her hair curly. Not only did I have to wear it curly around her, but I also had to praise her "oh you look soooo pretty" when she wore it in a puff or wash n go.

Give her some time I'm sure she'll come around. As far as her dad, I'd punch him in the gut!

We cut the rest of her relaxer out earlier this year, like in Feb or March. I'm in buns and WnG's most of the time, I straighten every now and then when the mood hits. She always pets me like a puppy when it's out and curly and I think she likes it, just not for her right now. She always says she wants hair like mine and I think it's very similar, according to my mom my hair was just like hers when I was little.

Hopefully she'll come around, even if she doesn't want it Chaka Khan big, to at least wear it down one day. I wanna jump up and bust her daddy in the head with a left hook .

Oh well, she'll be in kinky twists for a while. I think we'll be doing protective styling thru the winter and see what happens.

 

[Eisani]

this makes me want to transition..i dont want my daughter wondering why my hair is relaxed and hers is natural and feeling her hair is inferior...and dont get me started with your DH

I think that's the main thing. I just want to make sure she knows there's nothing wrong with her hair; different maybe, but definitely not wrong!

Girl, he's not my DH...I would've killed him, resuscitated, then killed him again had I gone through with that marriage! He is something different. I won't even go there.

 

[tbaby_8]

I think everyone hit the nail on the head, but you also might need to mention to her daddy that the comment was unnecessary and explain to him that comments like that may effect her self esteem in the long run.