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Unsolicited Advice???!

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GoldenTresses

GoldenTresses

Member
What do you guys do when you see someone's hair that could use some HELP??!! I know hair is a very touchy subject for most, so I wouldn't feel comfortable saying "this is what you should/need to do" but I have two family members, and their hair practices are the worst!!!! I have witnessed one of these women, wash, blowdry and flat iron her hair, with NO PRODUCTS!! No oil, moisturizer or protectant from start to finish! (sometime she uses marcel wax) Her hair looks like a birds nest, literally!! I know that I could help hair, but I don't want to offend. Suggestions???
 
I dont give unsolicited advice, my hair is quiteshort just a few inches long after a recent bc and I have never had hair longer than shoulder length. I have been on hairforums for 3 years and have so much knowledge that could help others but I just keep my mouth shut because I know they would side eye me. perhaps when I have grown to remarkable lengths, I might share with friends and family, but only thkse that show interest.
 
Don't ask. Don't tell. If someone wants help they will either ask outright or consult with Google.
 
Only if they bring up their hair problems, or some subject relating to products, or maintenance.

I dont think its a good thing to say things randomly.
 
The only thing I can think of is since this is someone you know, have a girl's night/stay-in spa night. Do everything you would normally do on wash day plus maybe a special mask or DC to make it seem more special, facials, mani/pedis, etc... Doing all of this with a good movie playing will make it seem more like a bonding experience and less like some sort of hair intervention. Don't make comments about how bad her hair looked before, but hopefully she'll see how much better her hair looks after and want more info about your routine.
 
If your family members are anything like (some of) mine, thred carefully.
 
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If you witnessed her do her hair the way she did that would've been the perfect time to ask her why she doesn't use products. She may not know what to use.
 
I let my hair speak for itself. I talk about hair care when someone brings it up... and the subject always does. I used to be fond of the business card deal but not so much anymore. It's a sensitive subject.
 
I dont talk about it. If someone ask, ill tell but other than that, I only talk about hair here. Some people arnt willing to let go of the idea that black people cant grow hair so most advice could go in one ear and out the other.
 
Oh this is so awkward! Lol!

If I couldn't contain myself, I would fake-complain about my own hair first in the hopes of sparking up a conversation. Like, "Gawd! It seems like my hair just keeps breaking off. I'm so mad!" Either she'll offer a bad suggestion or she might throw in something about her hair and voila! a hair conversation.

My suggestion is a little silly, but no matter how you approach it, just try to be relatable.
 
I've never given unsolicited advice about hair. But if the topic of hair pops up, I'm willing to answer questions and make suggestions. Like everyone said: it's a touchy subject and people are quick to get defensive and/or hurt
 
Do you feel the same way when you see overweight or underweight people? I mean, do you want to suggest meal plans, exercise regi's, etc.?
 
My Friend said:
Do you feel the same way when you see overweight or underweight people? I mean, do you want to suggest meal plans, exercise regi's, etc.?
Click to expand...

I was thinking about this /\ because I'm overweight and it's a touchy subject to me and when friends bring it up I get defensive. I know I'm overweight and I have a mirror. It's only when my mind was in the right place that I decided to do something about it, went on internet and researched meal plans etc, on my own. Because I was self concious about my body, anything that a well-intentioned friend would bring up sounded like criticism even though it wasn't. :yep:

Same thing about hair. They know their hair does not look right and they could get defensive about receiving unsolicited advice. From my experience with friends, they will come to you, no matter if your hair is short or long, if it looks good and taken care of, they will ask you. When they do, be ready and offer simple advice, don't do like I did the first time it happened to me and write super long detailed emails with a complete hair regimen that scares people away.:lachen: If they are relaxed tell them to stretch relaxers a week more than they do now and to moisturize their NG. if they are natural again talk about moisturizers, tell them about youtube channels, etc. There's an awesome thread where members had to give ONE piece of advice, search for it, that's a good place to start.
 
Actually, this happened to me. I received unsolicited advice from someone randomly. She did it so smoothly that I didn't realize she had said it all just to help me until like a few days later. (lol)

Conversation:

Me: "Hey girl - man it's hot this summer."
Her: Yeah, you know I've been saying what can I do with this hair (she shakes her newly flat ironed "shiny hair")
Me: Well it looks beautiful!
Her: Well I can only wear it without a bit of oil in it for the first day (she glances at my hair). After that I have to add oil to the ends and it's up in a bun until wash day (she glances at my ends). That's how I keep my length and shine! (she blinks at my hair)
Me: Oh really, wow! I never realized how you protect your hair, that's great.

This was us meeting up for a special event and I had dry looking hair. Yes, it was straight, thick, neatly trimmed and beautiful, but it appeared dry (I had even started a topic about dry hair on LHCF). I already sealed my ends, but her little tidbit informed me that my hair appeared dry to observers as well.

Oh and it was the eye contact she was making with my hair while she was talking that let me know what she meant!

I appreciated the advice and I researched products to use to avoid dry "looking" hair. Now my hair is health AND shiny. :)
 
Advice won't mean anything until people are ready to receive it. Many people don't really care about their hair the same way we do. Let them ask you, IMHO.
 
It's not an issue for me to tell FAMILY the truth. That is just how we are with each other. You might get mad that I talked a little crap to you like you do to me but I'm your family. You love me, I love you and we understand each other's best interest. I might talk a little crap to you on Monday but by Tuesday I’m back on your couch ready to help you with whatever I talked crap to you about. You can tell me to back off or you can take me up on my crap and my offer. Neither one of us will stay mad once we are done. Now that is my family dynamic. I can't say I'm as nonchalantly bold with everyone else.
 
I know I'm in the minority here, so I'm going to say this quickly before the angry mob forms :lol:


I think it's always better to find a creative and tactful way to Speak up. If change is possible, then staying silent doesn't help anybody. In fact, I believe the biggest problem in the ethnic hair community is that the people with bad/outdated advice speak the loudest while ladies who practice healthy hair habits stay silent because they're afraid that people with think they're being "snobbish".

If I were in your shoes, I would find someway...anyway...to bring up hair Products in a conversation (do more listening than speaking in this stage). Then, once there is rapport in discussing your favorite products, jump into healthy hair practices.

Maybe it's just the Oprah in me, but imo there is nothing wise about sitting back and watching someone suffer in their lack of knowledge. :yep:

Angry Mob...you may now proceed lol
:mob:
 
Usually with a lot of my friends, hair gets brought up some how or in some way. I don't give advice unless asked, it's tempting but I consider it kind of rude to make people's business your own when no one bothered to involve you in the first place. A lot of the time when I give advice regarding hair, it falls on deaf ears anyway; people are either stubborn, cheap, impatient, or misinterpret something. Honestly, I have no time for that, I don't feel like I should waste my time -- believe me, I've wasted enough. If someone is serious about taking care of their hair, by all means, I'll try to give general guidelines to help you out. If not, well, there's always Google which will probably help you out way more than I can.
 
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