VENT...Ignorant question yesterday from

[determine3]

a white guy at my work. So, those who are familiar with who I am remember that I used to wear braids and weaves as a natural, then I texturized my hair and wear it in wash and go's. My hair is short, the back is at my neck at rest at a whole bunch of different lengths Anywho, there is this white manager at my work place and he calls me over to his area...says he wants to talk to me. Anyways, he says to me "can black girls grow long hair?" In my mind I was like hell to da f-ing no, he did not just ask me that question. So I told him of course they can. He then says "well, why do they wear weaves all the time?" so I said "personal choice, style, flare, individuality". I then asked him, haven't you seen such and such's hair in marketing, she has long hair (black girl with brastrap length hair) and he says "well, she's not really black". I was like what, yes she is! And he says "well, she looks bi-racial and doesn't have black features" (she is light skinned but very black...close friend). At that point I had to walk away! Honestly, I can't wait for my hair to grow long so I can toss it in his face. This guy is constantly making the most ignorant, annoying comments.

Sorry y'all, this is one of the reasons why i've been wearing weaves/braids so long. Working in this corporate environment and trying to fit in. Hell no... my fro was EXTRA puffy today. BLACK AND PROUD

 

[sareca]

I'm not even going to comment about the "she not really black part," cause it would be foul and I'm trying to behave. But I will say they must give the white managers black hair education at my company's annual Diversity Training because I used to get compliments on my natural hair all the time. They don't say much about straight styles, but that might be because I'm usually bunned.

 

[Nita81]

a white guy at my work. So, those who are familiar with who I am remember that I used to wear braids and weaves as a natural, then I texturized my hair and wear it in wash and go's. My hair is short, the back is at my neck at rest at a whole bunch of different lengths Anywho, there is this white manager at my work place and he calls me over to his area...says he wants to talk to me. Anyways, he says to me "can black girls grow long hair?" In my mind I was like hell to da f-ing no, he did not just ask me that question. So I told him of course they can. He then says "well, why do they wear weaves all the time?" so I said "personal choice, style, flare, individuality". I then asked him, haven't you seen such and such's hair in marketing, she has long hair (black girl with brastrap length hair) and he says "well, she's not really black". I was like what, yes she is! And he says "well, she looks bi-racial and doesn't have black features" (she is light skinned but very black...close friend). At that point I had to walk away! Honestly, I can't wait for my hair to grow long so I can toss it in his face. This guy is constantly making the most ignorant, annoying comments.

Sorry y'all, this is one of the reasons why i've been wearing weaves/braids so long. Working in this corporate environment and trying to fit in. Hell no... my fro was EXTRA puffy today. BLACK AND PROUD

Lmao it's like dude were you in the bed with her mom and dad?? Like we only come in one shade and that's it

 

[aileenadq]

The asinine "not really black" comments aside, I will point out that there are black women who believe that thier own hair can't grow. Why is it a big deal when a white guy asks? (I say this knowing that I wasn't there for the conversation, and I don't know him, so if there is something other than just his question outside the coment that's offensive, do tell.)

I would assume that being a 1) white and 2) male would make him doubly ignorant of womens / black haircare.

And, look at it this way: if he's just an jerk, then don't let his questions / comments bother you. It's what he wants.

If he's just ignorant, educate him with a smile. My best friend is white male who does not have a single clue about ANYTHING women do....So he asks stupid questions all the time.

 

[Enchantmt]

Before I even answered my first response would have been "Why do you ask?" There seems like there is something more behind question. How many black people do you have in your office/company?

 

[CreoleInDC]

See...this is why I can never be calm and drama free. People are just too stoopit and won't let me. Send me his email addy...PUHLEEZE! I'll set his *** straight right quick.

But...it's how pissed off I was when we went to the Oprah Show about the movie "Something New." Everyone there was under this jacked up impression about black women's hair AND THE SHOW PERPETUATED IT! And then...after the show aired...this white woman who thinks she's "cool" with me asked me if I wore a weave and what's the big deal with washing my hair. To which she got a chilly mad blast and a directive to not believe everything her dumb ass watches on tv. *****. When she sees me coming now...she gets "busy." STOOPIT PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK! DAMN I WISH I WAS A NINJA!

 

[Synthia]

And he says "well, she looks bi-racial and doesn't have black features" (she is light skinned but very black...close friend).

This reminds me of a statement by a white gentleman I work with ...he once said "I don't know why light-skinned blacks have to be considered black" ...like it's a plaque from which they should be delivered

 

[blackbarbie]

See...this is why I can never be calm and drama free. People are just too stoopit and won't let me. Send me his email addy...PUHLEEZE! I'll set his *** straight right quick.

But...it's how pissed off I was when we went to the Oprah Show about the movie "Something New." Everyone there was under this jacked up impression about black women's hair AND THE SHOW PERPETUATED IT! And then...after the show aired...this white woman who thinks she's "cool" with me asked me if I wore a weave and what's the big deal with washing my hair. To which she got a chilly mad blast and a directive to not believe everything her dumb ass watches on tv. *****. When she sees me coming now...she gets "busy." STOOPIT PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK! DAMN I WISH I WAS A NINJA!

Wait, Creole, were you and your man on that Oprah episode? I recorded it and I have to go back and watch it again!!! (were you on as a guest or in the audience?)

Back to the comment from the white co-worker......It may just be ignorance on his part and ignorance to me is just "not knowing". Now it get to another level called "stupid" when you finally are in the know but still perpetuate ignorance. So once the co-worker knows the info and stills feigns ignorance about our hair, that's when she can officially call him stupid!!!

 

[CreoleInDC]

Wait, Creole, were you and your man on that Oprah episode? I recorded it and I have to go back and watch it again!!! (were you on as a guest or in the audience?)

Yes...we were in the audience. You don't even see a GLIMPSE of me and hubby looking beautiful and handsome. LOL! (That's what happens when you wear black to the Oprah Show.)

Back to the comment from the white co-worker......It may just be ignorance on his part and ignorance to me is just "not knowing". Now it get to another level called "stupid" when you finally are in the know but still perpetuate ignorance. So once the co-worker knows the info and stills feigns ignorance about our hair, that's when she can officially call him stupid!!!

I think we can safely call him stoopit now. She should have put his *** on mad blast. SEND ME HIS EMAIL ADDY!

 

[neonbright]

perplexedperplexed

 

[blackbarbie]

Yes...we were in the audience. You don't even see a GLIMPSE of me and hubby looking beautiful and handsome. LOL! (That's what happens when you wear black to the Oprah Show.)

That was a good show.....



I think we can safely call him stoopit now. She should have put his *** on mad blast. SEND ME HIS EMAIL ADDY!

Yeah, he can officially be called "stoopit"!!!

 

[jwhitley6]

I don't think the guy is stupid, nor is he ignorant....maybe insensitive. He made a valid observation that black women wear a lot of weaves (more than any other race), and we (collectively) have more difficulty growing our hair long because our hair texture is easily damaged. Many of us don't have the time or energy (or discipline) to devote to growing long healthy hair. That's the truth. I don't think it should have bothered you that much unless he's just a jerk. I think he just caught you off guard, and our hair is, unfortunately, a sensitive topic for most of us.

Good luck growing your hair.

 

[SweetCaramel1]

a white guy at my work. So, those who are familiar with who I am remember that I used to wear braids and weaves as a natural, then I texturized my hair and wear it in wash and go's. My hair is short, the back is at my neck at rest at a whole bunch of different lengths Anywho, there is this white manager at my work place and he calls me over to his area...says he wants to talk to me. Anyways, he says to me "can black girls grow long hair?" In my mind I was like hell to da f-ing no, he did not just ask me that question. So I told him of course they can. He then says "well, why do they wear weaves all the time?" so I said "personal choice, style, flare, individuality". I then asked him, haven't you seen such and such's hair in marketing, she has long hair (black girl with brastrap length hair) and he says "well, she's not really black". I was like what, yes she is! And he says "well, she looks bi-racial and doesn't have black features" (she is light skinned but very black...close friend). At that point I had to walk away! Honestly, I can't wait for my hair to grow long so I can toss it in his face. This guy is constantly making the most ignorant, annoying comments.

Sorry y'all, this is one of the reasons why i've been wearing weaves/braids so long. Working in this corporate environment and trying to fit in. Hell no... my fro was EXTRA puffy today. BLACK AND PROUD

what! that was very inappropriate. he's stepping into discrimination territory. sorry that happened to you. alot of people out there are really ignorant.

 

[EXSQUISIT]

He's pretty dumb!

 

[sky_blu]

I wouldnt have even answered anything else after he said "she not really black". Why did you ask this anyway?? *insert crazy look smiley*

 

[HermioneWeasley]

I don't think the guy is stupid, nor is he ignorant....maybe insensitive. He made a valid observation that black women wear a lot of weaves (more than any other race), and we (collectively) have more difficulty growing our hair long because our hair texture is easily damaged. Many of us don't have the time or energy (or discipline) to devote to growing long healthy hair. That's the truth. I don't think it should have bothered you that much unless he's just a jerk. I think he just caught you off guard, and our hair is, unfortunately, a sensitive topic for most of us.

Good luck growing your hair.

I have to respectfully disagree. Not only is what this man said stupid and ignorant, but it borders on racism. It is obvious that he sees black women (and probably black people) as all the same, except those, like the woman he called "bi-racial" who have lighter skin, longer hair and European features. By his own admission, he doesn't believe that "full black" (whatever that means) women can grow long hair. Obviously, this board would prove him wrong. But his belief is wrong and ignorant. It has nothing to do with the prevalence of black women wearing weaves but everything to do with this man seeing blacks as a monolithic race.

 

[jwhitley6]

I have to respectfully disagree. Not only is what this man said stupid and ignorant, but it borders on racism. It is obvious that he sees black women (and probably black people) as all the same, except those, like the woman he called "bi-racial" who have lighter skin, longer hair and European features. By his own admission, he doesn't believe that "full black" (whatever that means) women can grow long hair. Obviously, this board would prove him wrong. But his belief is wrong and ignorant. It has nothing to do with the prevalence of black women wearing weaves but everything to do with this man seeing blacks as a monolithic race.

I understand your point of view. I just don't see his questions as stupid or ignorant (well, maybe ignorant in the literal sense meaning "not knowing"). Also, he took her to the side and asked an honest question. I've been asked these things by co-workers who were, by no means, openly racist...just curious. I think we all agree that black women (especially ones not immediately mixed with other races) on average have shorter hair. I think we all agree that we have more difficultly retaining growth because our hair (especially type 4) is more fragile due to texture. So to have long hair, we have to put in extra effort. I'm not saying it's impossible for black women to have long hair (there's plenty of evidence on this forum to the contrary), it's just not as common....however, it IS more common among mixed race black women and this man made that observation.....SO, tell me again, how is his belief wrong?

And for the record, I'm not being argumentative, I just think we are a little too sensitive sometimes and quick to dismiss people stupid and racist when they actually make a valid point.

 

[jwhitley6]

I have to respectfully disagree. Not only is what this man said stupid and ignorant, but it borders on racism. It is obvious that he sees black women (and probably black people) as all the same, except those, like the woman he called "bi-racial" who have lighter skin, longer hair and European features. By his own admission, he doesn't believe that "full black" (whatever that means) women can grow long hair. Obviously, this board would prove him wrong. But his belief is wrong and ignorant. It has nothing to do with the prevalence of black women wearing weaves but everything to do with this man seeing blacks as a monolithic race.

I understand your point of view. I just don't see his questions as stupid or ignorant (well, maybe ignorant in the literal sense meaning "not knowing"). Also, he took her to the side and asked an honest question. I've been asked these things by co-workers who were, by no means, openly racist...just curious. I think we all agree that black women (especially ones not immediately mixed with other races) on average have shorter hair. I think we all agree that we have more difficultly retaining growth because our hair (especially type 4) is more fragile due to texture. So to have long hair, we have to put in extra effort. I'm not saying it's impossible for black women to have long hair (there's plenty of evidence on this forum to the contrary), it's just not as common....however, it IS more common among mixed race black women and this man made that observation.....SO, tell me again, how is his belief wrong?

And for the record, I'm not being argumentative, I just think we are a little too sensitive sometimes and quick to dismiss people as stupid and racist when they actually make a valid point.

 

[MissMarie]

I can't believe your manager pulled you to the side to ask you such a pointless question.
My first reaction woulda been "why do you ask?" because really, why does some white guy at work need to know about the growth patterns/ abilities of black women's hair.
That's the kind of question you ask a friend cuz they'll probably excuse your ignorance, not someone at work.

 

[ThursdayGirl]

I can't believe your manager pulled you to the side to ask you such a pointless question.
My first reaction woulda been "why do you ask?" because really, why does some white guy at work need to know about the growth patterns/ abilities of black women's hair.
That's the kind of question you ask a friend cuz they'll probably excuse your ignorance, not someone at work.

I agree with this... I probably would've said something like, "I'm sorry, I thought you called me in here for something work related.".

 

[HermioneWeasley]

I understand your point of view. I just don't see his questions as stupid or ignorant (well, maybe ignorant in the literal sense meaning "not knowing"). Also, he took her to the side and asked an honest question. I've been asked these things by co-workers who were, by no means, openly racist...just curious. I think we all agree that black women (especially ones not immediately mixed with other races) on average have shorter hair. I think we all agree that we have more difficultly retaining growth because our hair (especially type 4) is more fragile due to texture. So to have long hair, we have to put in extra effort. I'm not saying it's impossible for black women to have long hair (there's plenty of evidence on this forum to the contrary), it's just not as common....however, it IS more common among mixed race black women and this man made that observation.....SO, tell me again, how is his belief wrong?

And for the record, I'm not being argumentative, I just think we are a little too sensitive sometimes and quick to dismiss people as stupid and racist when they actually make a valid point.

No, I completely understand. I don't think you're being argumentative at all, and yes, we can be sensitive about certain things, but in this case, I have several issues with this man and his statements. First off, YOU know and I know about hair typing, the fragile nature of our hair and what it takes to get it to grow and stay healthy. But unless this man has dated black women in the past or has black family members, he has no way of knowing this, so he's speaking out of ignorance. Without knowing any root causes for the reasons WHY, he is just assuming that black hair is hard to grow. While he may be right in that assumption, he is doing so from an uninformed standpoint, i.e. stereotyping. Just because it may be true doesn't make it any less ignorant. Just like in that movie Crash about the Latinos parking their cars on the lawn. That might be a completely true statement, but it doesn't make it not ignorant.

Also, he makes three fallacious assumptions:

a) Black women can't grow long hair
b) If a Black woman has long hair, it must be a weave
c) If a Black woman has long hair that is demonstrably her own, she must be biracial.

I don't like anybody, white, black or whathaveyou, assuming they can pigeonhole an entire race like that. It annoys me.

Also, you mention that your coworkers have asked you such questions. Did they do it in the manner of this man? I would have had no issue if this guy had said something like "It seems to me that I see a lot of black women wearing weaves. Is black hair hard to grow long on its own or is there another reason that black women wear weaves so often?" He's not making assumptions there; He's making an observation based on his own experience and asking a relevant question.

The way he put it just seemed condescending and stupid. I guess we'll agree to disagree on this, but I don't disagree with what you say about the general state of black hair. I just think that the sooner we let people of other races know that not all of us who have mid-back hair are rocking Yaki 1B from Ming Lee's shop, the sooner everyone can just keep it moving about this sort of thing.

 

[determine3]

I know some of y'all are on the fence about this but if I had time to write a book, I would be able to give you more details of how truly disrespectful this man can be. He's the type of person who goes out of his way to correct people when they speak, talk down about ppl of different races (ie. comments such as Chinese people not being able to drive, East Indians owning convenience stores etc). He thinks he's funny but he's not. Personally, I don't have to deal with this man on a daily basis but one of my friends works directly for him...so I hear a lot of her feedback on him. For him to call me over to ask me that, was for a reaction. Indeed, he did catch me off guard...made me defensive. When I look at all the things I coulda, shoulda said, it would have been different. Really and truly, I shouldn't have said anything at all!

 

[jwhitley6]

I just think that the sooner we let people of other races know that not all of us who have mid-back hair are rocking Yaki 1B from Ming Lee's shop, the sooner everyone can just keep it moving about this sort of thing.

Yaki 1B...funny. I feel you Hermione. We just need to calmly educate people, when they say "ignorant" stuff.

I had co-worker (young white/jewish guy) who thought my braids were clipped in. He couldn't understand how the synthetic hair was braided in with the natural hair. When it was time to take my braids out, I actually took one out at work so he could see how it was done. He was AMAZED...I thought it was hilarious. After working with him for a year and a half, he's know a plenty about black hair now.

 

[jwhitley6]

I know some of y'all are on the fence about this but if I had time to write a book, I would be able to give you more details of how truly disrespectful this man can be. He's the type of person who goes out of his way to correct people when they speak, talk down about ppl of different races (ie. comments such as Chinese people not being able to drive, East Indians owning convenience stores etc). He thinks he's funny but he's not. Personally, I don't have to deal with this man on a daily basis but one of my friends works directly for him...so I hear a lot of her feedback on him. For him to call me over to ask me that, was for a reaction. Indeed, he did catch me off guard...made me defensive. When I look at all the things I coulda, shoulda said, it would have been different. Really and truly, I shouldn't have said anything at all!

If he's just a jerk, you can scratch everything I've said. Don't even waste your time with him......but he's right about Chinese people ...just playin.

 

[DDTexlaxed]

See...this is why I can never be calm and drama free. People are just too stoopit and won't let me. Send me his email addy...PUHLEEZE! I'll set his *** straight right quick.

But...it's how pissed off I was when we went to the Oprah Show about the movie "Something New." Everyone there was under this jacked up impression about black women's hair AND THE SHOW PERPETUATED IT! And then...after the show aired...this white woman who thinks she's "cool" with me asked me if I wore a weave and what's the big deal with washing my hair. To which she got a chilly mad blast and a directive to not believe everything her dumb ass watches on tv. *****. When she sees me coming now...she gets "busy." STOOPIT PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK! DAMN I WISH I WAS A NINJA!

Girl, you R so funny! If u were a nija, there'd be alot of people in trouble!

 

[qtgirl]

Okay, this was ignorant and disrespectful because a manager at your job should not be calling you in the office to discuss your hair or black people's hair in general.

 

[CreoleInDC]

Girl, you R so funny! If u were a nija, there'd be alot of people in trouble!

DANG SKRAIT! JUST BE FLYING THROUGH THE SKY SLINGING THEM STARS AND SUCH SLICING FOLKS HALF IN TWO. AHHHHHHHH...The life of a Ninja. To sleep perchance to dream!

 

[firecracker]

DANG SKRAIT! JUST BE FLYING THROUGH THE SKY SLINGING THEM STARS AND SUCH SLICING FOLKS HALF IN TWO. AHHHHHHHH...The life of a Ninja. To sleep perchance to dream!

See you crazy! Thank goodness you have no super powers!

 

[ravensunshine]

See CreoleinDC u r 2 funny!!! I laughed so hard I woke up both of my dogs- now they're running around barking wildly- like they just spotted a ninja!!

Really though, a few years ago, I worked with a true bigot. I hated going to work bc of him; wonder if its the same jerk. Always had some stereotype or sexist remark to pin on everyone except of course another anglo saxon man.

So, I understand Determine3 how u feel, ppl like that not only bring u down, but they negatively affect the entire department. I know its hard not to let them get to u. But, just knowing that everyone else views them in the same light that u do helps- at least u know its not just u being too sensitive. I don't mind when ppl r genuine in thier curiosity about hair or race, but when it's just a nosey jerk who's probably looking for more ammo for rude jokes....well then I draw the line!!

 

[CreoleInDC]

See you crazy! Thank goodness you have no super powers!

I'm trying though...I'm going to order some moon rock and maybe a little Mars dust...mix in some Krytonite...and I might be on the news tonight. Yall watch! I'll have a cape...DEFINATELY have to have a cape. But then again...I might trip on it...*sigh*...I gotta think this through some more.

See CreoleinDC u r 2 funny!!! I laughed so hard I woke up both of my dogs- now they're running around barking wildly- like they just spotted a ninja!!

LOL! See...they prolly DID see a Ninja! They are so quick and fast...one is prolly in the room with you now just moving so you don't see him. I need those dogs at my house so they can warn me when enemy Ninjas are coming attack me. My dogs just let em in for a cookie. *sigh*