Why is it that the longest posts ALWAYS deal with

[VALLEYGIRL]

if someone has a weave or not? I see this on every black hair care board I visit.

I am truly not trying to start anything but ladies do we really not believe that black women can grow long hair? Do we only think it is possible for a select few and not for others? Do we only think if we are of mixed race or have 3C and lower hair types then we can have long hair?

I stress, I am not singling anyone in particular out b/c of a recent comment on another thread but I see this all the time.

Yes many black women wear weaves. According to a black producer at my job who was doing a segment for BET 80% of black women wear some type of weave or extension piece, for length or thickness. but come on now, why must we always assume it is a weave when someone has long hair? Am I the one being naive b/c I think it is more than a pipe dream for a black woman to have her own long hair?

Some answers I've gotten from my friends IRL say that they believe that black hair can not grow that long. I have shown them pics of Adrienne and they say that it's a weave. I tell them I've met her in person and they still doubt me and tell me I'm being hoodwinked. They believe that only if you are mixed then you can have long hair. I get so tired of telling them that our hair just needs to be handled differently from what we've been taught. They gang up on me and shut me down. I thought they would appreciate me sharing some hair tips instead of me saying "sorry not all of us can have long hair. Too bad! God has just blessed me sorry!"

I also remember someone with long waist length hair joined the board and several members doubted and said it was weave. I think it is so sad and that we really need to get our thinking straight.

Me personally it doesnt bother me when someone approaches me on the street or the BSS and asks me what I do to get my hair this length. I am happy to share what I have learned. But is does bother the hell out of me when they look at me like I am full of #$&% when I start explaining and they ask to touch (or feel for tracks) Why ask me what I do if you think it is a weave? and yes I do know that people lie all the time and you shouldnt believe everything you hear. But damn...

I thought we (the ladies on this board) were the exception but from what I've read it seems like our thinking is not too much different from others that I meet IRL.

By doubting that is a sign of disbelief and if we dont believe it is possible , then why are we all here on this board?

just my little vent - please share any thoughts you may have on this.

Valleygirl

PS I havent been here in a while but look at how much Skeemegeb (sp) hair has grown! Wow! I guess if I was a doubter and did not see her progress pics I would say that's a weave too huh?

 

[Tene]

I agree, I don't know why a lot of people think black women can't grow long hair.

 

[Gaea]

I don't think that anyone who visits this board regularly could think that. There are many women here with long and beautiful heads of hair.

 

[cutebajangirl]

A lot of people that I introduce to the board will scrutinize members facial features to explain the hair growth. Like if your features aren't sterotypically black then you're mixed and that is why the hair is long. I think it has been bred into black women that we can only have long hair if we buy it. So although we may see different here that old beleif can still pop up. Luckily I never bought into it anyway so I don't have to change my way of thinking.

 

[ichephren]

Re: Why is it that the longest posts ALWAYS deal w

I donno that the ladies on the board would automatically peg someone as weaved unless it seemed doubtful that it was really their hair. For example, the thread on Jada Pinkett. Since she is a celebrity, there is automatically a red flag. I get what you're saying about people IRL though. If I saw a woman on the street IRL with long hair, I wouldn't know what to think. It depends on what the hair looks like in addition to it being long(shiny, "fake looking,"

, etc). But I have seen long haired black women who I truly thought were for real. Nowadays wevaes are so seamless that it's hard to tell what's what especially when it comes to celebrities. As for people like Adrienne having long hair, lemme play the devil's advocate. I guess your friends don't believe you since they have never seen it on black women IRL. We tend to assume what we commonly observe. Most people believe that black women can't grow long hair since that opinion is validated daily. If we could, then why do so many of us have weaves and wear braids 24/7? And if our hair isn't in extensions, it's out and ratty looking. So, if you've never seen long hair on a black woman in your life, then why should you believe that it can happen, even on someone like Adrienne(who to them is simply a woman who you know from the internet)?

 

[VALLEYGIRL]

Re: Why is it that the longest posts ALWAYS deal w

[ QUOTE ]
cutebajangirl said: Like if your features aren't sterotypically black then you're mixed and that is why the hair is long. I think it has been bread into black women that we can only have long hair if we buy it.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm so glad you never believed it but sad to say I do think some women here secretly think this way. I see bits and pieces of comments like this all over the board. It's easier to say it when someone is a celebrity or someone pulls a pic of a friend or from another board. I think they are just being polite by not outright putting a member on blast but still thinking it which to me is just as bad.

I want all of us to have whatever hair length we desire to have and only purchase weaves as a styling option. I want us as black women to stop hating on one another. I really want us to put the Korean shops out of business b/c black women buy more weave from them than anyone one else. I cant say I know where Britney, Jillian and the tons of Playboy playmates and other white actresses buy weaves from. But we keep these Korean weave stores in business.

this may be a bad example but it's almost like thinking all men are dogs.... how in the world would you expect to have a good relationship? you'll always be skeptical and doubtful. Your mind and the power of belief is an extremely powerful thing.

Valleygirl

 

[Isis]

I haven't seen that thread on this board yet (unless I missed something, I've been pretty busy). When I first saw this board I was so happy and inspired by the long, beautiful manes here and I still am! Not once did I wonder if any of the ladies was wearing a weave.
I'm surprised that 80% of black women wear weaves or extensions in this country, according to that producer's statistics. That's like saying the majority of black women do. I know some of the ladies here with long hair wear weaves and extensions as protective styles. I wonder if that's in his stats also.

 

[Lovelylocs]

Re: Why is it that the longest posts ALWAYS deal w

I am pretty sure that almost everyone on this board believes that EVERYONE (and yes that includes blk women) can grow long hair. I think what most people are probably skeptical of is whether most blk women know the proper ways to take care of their hair. This doubt that we have most likely stems from the fact that there are so many hair myths out there and that probably most of us grew up hearing these myths passes down to us from our very own family members.

 

[Isis]

Re: Why is it that the longest posts ALWAYS deal w

It seems to me the only way to change those myths is by example. Like the 100th monkey analogy. Soon it will be common knowledge that black women can care for their hair and grow it as long as they want to be.

 

[sassygirl125]

[ QUOTE ]
Do we only think it is possible for a select few and not for others? Do we only think if we are of mixed race or have 3C and lower hair types then we can have long hair?


[/ QUOTE ]

A lot of black people still believe this.

 

[cutebajangirl]

Re: Why is it that the longest posts ALWAYS deal w

Isis- I think that stat may have meant that 80% of women at least one point in time used fake hair. Which I can beleive with liek prom fillers and buns etc.
LovelyLocs- Plenty of people here want to beleive they can grow long hair but don't actually beleive it. You see it in posts. Like: "Is there any 4a/4b with waist length hair", or "I don't beleive I will ever get to waist/bra strap length".

 

[Lovelylocs]

Re: Why is it that the longest posts ALWAYS deal w

But arent these newer members? and are these the same people that are posting their doubts on the "is it a weave" threads?

 

[cutebajangirl]

Re: Why is it that the longest posts ALWAYS deal w

Not necessarily at all. I had someone "confess" to me that she felt she would never really reach it and she has been on the board for a long time.

 

[katie]

[ QUOTE ]
sassygirl125 said:
[ QUOTE ]
Do we only think it is possible for a select few and not for others? Do we only think if we are of mixed race or have 3C and lower hair types then we can have long hair?


[/ QUOTE ]

A lot of black people still believe this.

[/ QUOTE ]

All the black people I know believe this.

 

[VALLEYGIRL]

Re: Why is it that the longest posts ALWAYS deal w

[ QUOTE ]
cutebajangirl said:
Isis- I think that stat may have meant that 80% of women at least one point in time used fake hair. Which I can beleive with liek prom fillers and buns etc.

[/ QUOTE ]

Actually of the women surveyed, it was their current hair style they commented on. I must find out how many women were sampled. I know I asked him if it was a LA only survey and he said it was a country wide survey. And the segement isnt even about hair!

Like Isis says we must show by example and hopefully break the myths that have been passed down from generation to generation. b/c a lot of them are out there.
I hope I dont sound too preachy but you guys who know me from before know how much I love hair. I wish they could teach some of the stuff we learn here in beauty schools and stop with the nonsense.

Being that I work in television and know how powerful it is, I pitched a show idea to a popular talk show , on black women who grew long hair. The idea was to get some of us on this board and my friends IRL who have long hair to be on the segment and show progress pics, share what we did and show America that it can be done. Needless to say I am still waiting to hear back. The feedback I am getting is not all that good.

 

[Lovelylocs]

Re: Why is it that the longest posts ALWAYS deal w

Valley, do u think maybe you are not getting good feedback because this is not really a main stream issue? I dont think that most non-black viewers would get it.

 

[Lovelylocs]

Re: Why is it that the longest posts ALWAYS deal w

[ QUOTE ]
cutebajangirl said:
Not necessarily at all. I had someone "confess" to me that she felt she would never really reach it and she has been on the board for a long time.

[/ QUOTE ]
I guess you are right. I havent really been viewing the hair board as much, but lately more of the questions were about hair weaving techniques or were questioning whether people in the 4 category were really capable of growing their hair out.

 

[cutebajangirl]

Re: Why is it that the longest posts ALWAYS deal w

[ QUOTE ]
VALLEYGIRL said:
[ QUOTE ]
cutebajangirl said:
Isis- I think that stat may have meant that 80% of women at least one point in time used fake hair. Which I can beleive with liek prom fillers and buns etc.

[/ QUOTE ]

Actually of the women surveyed, it was their current hair style they commented on. I must find out how many women were sampled. I know I asked him if it was a LA only survey and he said it was a country wide survey. And the segement isnt even about hair!


[/ QUOTE ]

 

[VALLEYGIRL]

Re: Why is it that the longest posts ALWAYS deal w

[ QUOTE ]
Lovelylocs said:
Valley, do u think maybe you are not getting good feedback because this is not really a main stream issue? I dont think that most non-black viewers would get it.

[/ QUOTE ]

More than likely. Television is run by advertisers and BET...well I'll save my thoughts on them for now but I agree most non-black viewers would probably be like WTF?

Even if there was a magazine article on a group of women who have grown long hair it would dispel the myths in a few people. Honey and Essense were on my hit list as well.

But our country has bigger fish to fry right now being an election year and all. But admit it wouldnt you like to see Adrienne, Supergirl and Peachtree and Allandra in a magazine spread? Or even better on TV? Mind you I havent even asked them if they would do a segment such as this. I am just letting my imagination roam right now.

 

[NapturalGlory]

Re: Why is it that the longest posts ALWAYS deal w

it takes more than one website to convince the world that black women can grow waist length hair. honestly i don't see myself growing waist length hair with my texture but i don't assume that others with long hair have weaves either. i can see how this might upset someone else to read but i like to stay focused on my own unique hair journey and keep things in perspective for me. if you have achieved waist length or even butt/tailbone length hair you don't have to worry about others who may not be able to reach such a goal. you can't change or control another person's point of view no matter how convinced you may be of something. it's all based on your perspective and everyone will have a different idea of what long hair is, who can have it, or if they personally can have it. that's life. weaves can be a sensitive subject but i personally never feel interested in debating if someone has one or not.

 

[daviine]

OMG!!! It's Valleygirl!!! (It is you isn't it?)

How are you!!!!

SO GOOD TO SEE YOU!!!

 

[Ayeshia]

Re: Why is it that the longest posts ALWAYS deal w

Well if I reach my goal...i dont want people looking at me like "well yeah she has a type 3 hair type so of course it was easier for her". That would hurt

 

[Lovelylocs]

Re: Why is it that the longest posts ALWAYS deal w

Now that my hair has grown out so much, I dont even really care if someone else is wearing a weave.

Before, I guess it was like I was comparing myself to them and thinking that the person with the REAL long hair would be considered special etc. (I think you people know what I mean although I am not quite sure myself)

Now, when If I see someone and I think that it is a weave, I almost take it as a compliment like I am who she aspires/wishes she could be (only hairwise that is) I know I sound crazy, but I think we really need to dig deep and be honest on this one. Valley is right, cuz it isn't healthy to care so much!

 

[Ayeshia]

Re: Why is it that the longest posts ALWAYS deal w

[ QUOTE ]
Lovelylocs said:
Now that my hair has grown out so much, I dont even really care if someone else is wearing a weave.

Before, I guess it was like I was comparing myself to them and thinking that the person with the REAL long hair would be considered special etc. (I think you people know what I mean although I am not quite sure myself)

Now, when If I see someone and I think that it is a weave, I almost take it as a compliment like I am who she aspires/wishes she could be (only hairwise that is) I know I sound crazy, but I think we really need to dig deep and be honest on this one. Valley is right, cuz it isn't healthy to care so much!

[/ QUOTE ]


Yeah I remeber when I was relaxed and had a fresh cut, people use to ask me did I have a wig on

Plus you couldnt see my scalp form my part unless you got up close, too funny

 

[Isis]

Re: Why is it that the longest posts ALWAYS deal w

[ QUOTE ]
VALLEYGIRL said:
[ QUOTE ]
Lovelylocs said:
Valley, do u think maybe you are not getting good feedback because this is not really a main stream issue? I dont think that most non-black viewers would get it.

[/ QUOTE ]

More than likely. Television is run by advertisers and BET...well I'll save my thoughts on them for now but I agree most non-black viewers would probably be like WTF?

Even if there was a magazine article on a group of women who have grown long hair it would dispel the myths in a few people. Honey and Essense were on my hit list as well.

But our country has bigger fish to fry right now being an election year and all. But admit it wouldnt you like to see Adrienne, Supergirl and Peachtree and Allandra in a magazine spread? Or even better on TV? Mind you I havent even asked them if they would do a segment such as this. I am just letting my imagination roam right now.

[/ QUOTE ]

Keep letting your imagination roam - I love your creative mind Valleygirl! Sounds like it would be a very important and inspirational television show and/or magazine article! And it will reach most black women across the country at once who will tell their friends, family, etc.

Black women in particular need to know the truth. This is the year 2004 and this mindset still prevails! That means a lot of this programming is still going strong and will continue unless it is replaced with a different mindset, a different "truth".

 

[elite_chiq]

It is possible for us to grow are hair long with a lack of weaves a good example is MEN, they plait it and leave it alone.

 

[ricochet]

Re: Why is it that the longest posts ALWAYS deal w

Hey Valley! I hear you loud and clear. I also think that I know what thread you are referring to about a black woman having weave just because her hair is long. Alot of ladies at my job think my hair is fake, but oh well. I think they think this because I went from a twa to 1" from bra strap in 2 years. The ones that KNOW my hair is real immediately brush it off as "She has "that" hair"..."Your hair must grow fast", etc...Now it is true, many women can grow their hair long because their texture is very strong and straight(asian hair) and it is pretty much effortless for them. Some women can grow their hair long in 6 months as opposed to 6 years(with many indian women, fast hair growth is just in the genes, as with one lady at my job)...but these are not the ONLY women who can grow long hair. Some types hair just require a lil more care than others, feel me, and there is nothing wrong with that. But why must people think this way? As a poster said earlier, it is a way of thinking. What is the saying?..."You can never have something you've never had, unless you do something you've never done." Help me out ladies LOL! But anywhoo, my hair as a child was long but not it's maximum length. My hair was broken off in places but only because my Mom would sometimes comb through it while it was dry. My hair was soooo thick(still is) that it was hardly noticeable therefore I still retained plenty of length. I got a relaxer at the age of 12-13, kept it until the age of 24. My hair was shoulder-length all thru high school into college until I started cutting it off. Once, I started back growing my hair out, it got back to shoulder-length, then longer, then I found the hair books...then I found the messageboards. I have had nothing but hair growth/length retention every since. WE HAVE TO CHANGE OUR WAY OF THINKING. That is the key. MANY black women can or will not do that because they are so SET in their way of thinking...sad but true. Alot of us are hard to convince at times...Alot of us are impatient on too many things(especially when it comes to growing some hair). But we(here on the boards, gathering info and spreading the word) can change that way of thinking, by leading by example.

 

[Leslie_C]

Re: Why is it that the longest posts ALWAYS deal w

I am definitely one of those who in the past believed that...Im from a small country town with very few blacks and there was always only maybe 1 girl in school who had nice long hair(and even that was just shoulder length but nice and healthy, but to us, it was long) that was 4B type hair. And that girl went to the salon every week and didnt touch her own hair, something out of my budget.

Everyone else would write anyone else off as having "good hair", especially if they were light skinned. All of the other black girls, including myself, had jacked up, thin, broken off hair. Then came the weave and ppl started wearing that and thats the only way that was believed for us to achieve long hair. Trust me, there are some ignorant ppl right now...I promise u if I went home right now, everyone I saw would go crazy because my hair is SOOO LONG but its only shoulder length.

Yeah, we have a long way to go as far as the black community itself. But by coming here I realize that even if its a challenge, it IS possible for me to grow long hair and shoulder length is only the beginning. U see women here with EVERY hair type and texture with hair down there back, and that is definitely an inspiration! I hope 6 months from now Ill be armpit and pushing bra strap by 12 months! I plan on taking A+ care of my hair from now on. it will have no choice but to behave and stop breaking....lol.

 

[LuvLiLocks]

Re: Why is it that the longest posts ALWAYS deal w

Ditto Leslie C. I honestly didn't think I could grow long hair because my hair is in the 4's category

. But when I found this board, all of that changed. I use to look at people and try to figure out if their hair was real or fake, and if I decided that it was real, I think "they must have a long hair gene, or must be mixed". Honestly, until I came to LCHF, I didn't know that women with 3c or below had to do so much to take care of their hair. I say this to say so many black women are truely ignorant about their hair. Many of us simply DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. And many just have a negative attitude that because they haven't achieved it, no one can.

 

[Falon]

Re: Why is it that the longest posts ALWAYS deal w

I guess we will just have to keep proving the point...what else can we do? I am getting ready for a return of the dirty looks and snide comments...when i was almost at bra-strap...I had to put up with people everday saying the rudest things...the touching and all that mess.


I don't know why we think this way a lot of it is just plain old haterism. Even if you haven't seen a black woman with long hair before once you have asked her if it is a weave you have looked all up in her head and even touched the hair...you still want to doubt and call her unbeweaveable and a liar and make comments about there's a bald horse walking around somewhere...you must be mixed...blah..blah...blah (I have had all of these things said to me and worse)...I say your being an a$$ hole on purpose. It's just plain old being a jerk. A woman in my college once point blank said "Where do you get your weave done?" When I told her it was mine she was like "Oh....it's nice" But her lip curled up so much you would have thought a skunk had just sprayed the room! (the ******)



But you know what? I don't care I am going to grow this head of 4a/4b hair as long as it can go just to prove the point. I am so glad I have a pic from July of last year that cleary shows my kinky twa so that people will KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that nappy black hair does grow!

Ya'll gimme a year...keep up the growing LHCF and brush those haters off!