I'm Done!

[julzinha]

Today I got my hair done in braid extensions and I just sat there crying because I know everything I need to know about retaining length as a natural but after being on this site for 2 1/2 yrs my hair is only collarbone length in some places and shoulder length in others. And it is because of these DAMN WOMEN!! and their combs. They have limited my hair progress since i started properly taking care of my hair in braids. They use rattail combs to comb my hair. And today after i detangled my hair really well I told her don't use that comb, don't use that comb it's breaking my hair. Then she has the nerve to say that your hair is not breaking when I'm looking at my strands on the floor and it is broken hair. Then she said before you came today did your hair not come out when you combed and I said NO! because that morning i finger detangled to make sure all the shed hair was gone and no hair came out. And by the end of it, i saw a huge clump of my hair on the floor and I was just there mad and crying. I don't know why I didn't just get up and walk away, but probably because I'm going back to school on Thursday and all of these braiders are the same and my parents are paying for them. My aunt recommended this woman and FROM NOW ON, I am only taking my own hair advice because obviously I know more than the women around me. I have learned my lesson for the last time.
I have been getting braids since kindergarten and I'm tired and once I finally learned how to take care of my hair I am seeing so little progress because of getting braids done. I always tell myself my hair will bounce back, it will bounce back and it does after an intense moisture regimen while in braids but when I take the braids out I have to trim and parts of my hair is uneven. Today I told my mother, I'm DONE! If I get braid extensions only my cousin is doing it because she is the only person who doesn't rip out my hair or else no more braids. I am so ANGRY and UPSET!!!

I know my hair will bounce back after this and since it is a new year I am never letting anyone new braid my hair and I doing everything for hair growth because I am so tired. I want waistlength hair, but I can't achieve that with people ripping out my hair because they say natural hair is difficult. I you ladies know and Great braiders in the DMV Please let me know! Sorry for the long vent but I'm just really mad because after I took out my last pair of braids I DC'd my hair twice and trimmed my ends for the first time in a long time to start the year right for retention and now I probably have to cut my ends again and it will take me a while to regain the inches of hair growth that I lost! I am really mad right now because I was so proud of my recent progress and now I feel like its gone. And now I'm trying to find any growth aids possible to help me gain a lot of growth before the next time, I take out my hair. I keep telling myself to calm down but I can't I just really want waistlength hair which means my hair needs to grow 12 INCHES!! And that was goal last year and it wasn't achieved because of these women, but I did reach APL until another bad braider in August. I'm just really tire and I want long hair. I feel so sad about it because I know almost everything about how to take care of my hair but I see limited progress. Sorry for this being so long! I WISH MY HAIR WOULD GROW 12 INCHES IN 6 MONTHS!

 

[Solitude]

I'm sorry this happened to you. It's a terrible feeling to lose progress due to a stylist. But, I am a little confused by a few elements in your story.

1. You're saying that "you know everything about retaining length as a natural," then why don't you just take care of your natural hair on your own? (twists/twistouts/braidouts, etc.)
2. She said you didn't detangle your hair and if you only finger-combed, you probably didn't fully detangle your hair. Next time, you should fully detangle it yourself before you go and bring a wide-toothed comb as well.
3. Blame. If you want to see more progress, you will have to take full responsibility rather than blaming the stylist.

I feel like there's more to this story. Why have you been getting braids all of your life? Are your parents pressuring you to get them and, if so, why?

If you're just venting and don't feel like answering any questions, that's totally fine.

 

[OsnapCnapp!]

Ok first of all...stop getting braid extensions. I mean ultimately....they can kill your hair by wearing them all the time trust me. So what is wrong with you wearing your hair out for school? Is there something wrong with you getting twists or anything? I don't understand why you HAVE to get braid extensions....that's how it seems. I understand that your parents are paying for them but if it's damaging your hair and affecting your hair growth then do not do it.

 

[amwcah]

Yes, I'm a little confused as well. Why are you getting the braids?

 

[julzinha]

I'm sorry this happened to you. It's a terrible feeling to lose progress due to a stylist. But, I am a little confused by a few elements in your story.

1. You're saying that "you know everything about retaining length as a natural," then why don't you just take care of your natural hair on your own? (twists/twistouts/braidouts, etc.)
2. She said you didn't detangle your hair and if you only finger-combed, you probably didn't fully detangle your hair. Next time, you should fully detangle it yourself before you go and bring a wide-toothed comb as well.
3. Blame. If you want to see more progress, you will have to take full responsibility rather than blaming the stylist.

I feel like there's more to this story. Why have you been getting braids all of your life? Are your parents pressuring you to get them and, if so, why?

If you're just venting and don't feel like answering any questions, that's totally fine.

Thanks.
1. It gets hard when I'm at school for me to do my hair and with braids I only wash my scalp and moisturize my hair.
2. That could be a reason but the amount of hair on the floor was way too much next time i will try a denman.
3. I agree and I am sitting mad at myself more than anyone for listening to my aunt because by now I should know better.

Mainly the pressure of my mom she doesn't like natural hair and thinks I should relax and braids is the only style she can agree with. But I told her today that I'm DONE!! And she said okay find a style that works for you and do that cause I want waistlength hair in 2012 and I can't do it anymore. I see all of these beautiful women on this board and youtube with gorgeous hair and I fee like I will never get there.

 

[ms-gg]

Yeah, I agree with Osnap. You should learn how to do your own real hair and leave the braiders alone. Nobody is going to be as gentle with your hair as you are. On top of that, if you don't have the um....ovaries to stand up to a lady that handles your hair roughly, then don't go! Ever.

 

[lovegymnasts]

I agree with the previous posters.
Stop getting braids and put the care and styling of your hair in your own hands.

A little tough love, with a lot of e-love coming at you.
It is not the braider's fault that you have not retained. You kept going back even though it was hurting you, your hair, and your progress.
Please take control of your hair. It's success or shortcomings will be in your hands. You say you have learned the lessons. It is now time to put them into practice.

You can do it!
YOU CAN DO IT!
and the satisfaction is immeasurable.

 

[detroitdiva]

I am so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel, totally! Just a few weeks ago, I had a horrible shed & breakage spell! I used Aphoghee protein to build my hair back up. I had huge clumps of hair matted together and I had no idea y!! It has still grown considerably, but I couldtell where I lost some strands. Six weeks later, I do not have any shedding, my hair is much stronger, and no more tangles. Just get back up, dust yourself off, and get right back on the horse!! Don't give up!

 

[julzinha]

Thanks Ladies! After I do my braids this time. I will trim the damage off my ends and try to do my own hair!

I think I'm more angry at myself because I should have just gone to my cousin instead of listening to my aunt. I really want waistlength hair and I feel like I need to do my own hair if I want any kind of retention.

 

[itsjusthair88]

I'm so sorry for your loss...I know how it is though with your parents paying your way (fellow college student...although I'm Grad now) and you HAVING to feel like you have to listen to them. Just take your care into your own hands and do what YOU need to do to get that waist length hair!

 

[ms-gg]

And let me add something else. We often forget that most beauticians and braiders are not in it for the health of your hair. They are not called "stylist" for no reason. They do what makes your hair look good, not necessarily what is healthy or best for your hair. We put too much trust into beauticians, braiders, weavers etc when they are mostly all about the aesthetics and not the overall health of your hair.

Yes, to retain length, you will need to be the #1 caretaker for your hair. You go to a braider one day for a few hours every couple of months or so. It is your job to maintain your hair in between that time. And for those measly 6 or so hours that someone would touch my hair (if I, Ms-gg still went to a shop) you dang skippy I would be bobbing and weaving in that chair if some chick tries to come anywhere near my fro with a rat tail comb. The only thing that chick would see is my dust as I quickly exit that shop if she didn't take heed to my directions....

 

[Solitude]

It can be really difficult standing up to parents. I'm not natural, but my sister is and it is taking a looong time for my mother to come around. But, she is coming around. She's been talking about how healthy and thick and full my sister's hair is.

Eventually, you will be able to show your parents by your progress. Don't get discouraged!

 

[julzinha]

But I feel really discouraged I feel like I will never make it to waistlength. My hair has never been longer than SL in my life and WL seems impossible even with everything I know

 

[Lita]

Sorry that happened to you ..It will gorw back & be even longer & healthier......





Happy Hair Growing!

 

[afjhnsn]

Hunnie, why don't you braid your hair (w/extensions) ..? Do you know how?.. :hugs:

 

[abcd09]

I know how you feel. Next time it may be helpful to bring your own combs. It's hard to say you will NEVER use a stylist again. Or that you will never get braids again. I am going for a relaxer soon and I have to learn to say, hey no rattail combs please! It's hard because you want to trust people, and if you have trouble being assertive and a people pleaser it can be even harder. I would practice what you say for next time, and don't go to anyone who is too good to listen to you. It's hard to find someone who you can trust and who doesn't have their pride mixed up with your hair health.

 

[ms-gg]

But I feel really discouraged I feel like I will never make it to waistlength. My hair has never been longer than SL in my life and WL seems impossible even with everything I know

You are young right? You said you know what you need to do to be waist length right? You made it to APL right? You will make it there in your own time. You have the rest of your life to make it to waist length. We alllllll had setbacks at some point. But what you need to do is exactly what you said you will do: learn from it, know where you went wrong, and don't do it again.

 

[Urban]

But I feel really discouraged I feel like I will never make it to waistlength. My hair has never been longer than SL in my life and WL seems impossible even with everything I know

If you think you can or if you think you can't, you're right!

Put the emotions here aside for a bit. Logically, you know that hair is always growing unless you're severely ill or malnourished. Yes? Your goal, is to get to waistlength. Which means all you have to do is keep what's already growing on your head. That's all there is it. Really.

To retain the hair that's already growing, just be conscious about what's causing breakage and minimize it. When you or anyone else is touching your hair, focus on what's causing breakage and put an end to it immediately. Just be really aware of breakage.

I think sometimes people get it a bit mixed up regarding the time they choose to focus on their hair and their hair goals. I'm sure many of us are actually thinking about our hair and what lengths we'd like to achieve when we're on hair boards, but forgo paying the same attention or "goal mindfulness" when our hair is being dealt with (by us or someone else). This is why you get threads like "OMG, the Denman ruined my hair. I was BSL and after detangling with it, i'm EL " I mean, really? You probably went through your hair a good 50-100 times with the Denman to detangle your hair and you didn't ONCE think about what kind of hair was collecting in that big mass of hair in the brush or that tearing sound?? Did you really thing that breaking your hair off with it would get you to WL then? (nothing against Denmans, I use one because it works for me )

I also encourage you to think ahead a bit. Even if whatever you're doing is not causing breakage right there and then, will it at later stage? Yes? Then stop it. An example, I know for most of us tight, thin braids or tight weaves WILL eventually lead thinning at the hair line. For a lot of us, we choose to ignore the tightness because our hair looks good or we just can't bring ourselves to undo something that took 5 hours and $200. Welp, you know you reap what you sow because for a lot of us this WILL eventually lead to thin edges. Don't just ignore it. Instead, focus on it and really be aware of it. That and your goal length. Then you're more likely to do something about it that will allow you to achieve your goal length. Last time this happened to me, I undid the edges and wore a scarf/headband for the rest of the time.

I know all this sounds obvious and straight forward, but you'd be surprised how easy it is for us to lie to ourselves or just ignore the warning signs ... then come on here saying my hair will never grow. I'm not saying have a mini breakdown every time you see a broken hair, but I think people being more aware of breakage would prevent a lot of setbacks and lack of progress that we see on here ... because if your hair is not getting longer, then it's breaking off!

 

[Lady_q_tee]

your main emphasis seems to be on length. You don't need waist length hair ... You should stop concentrating on the LENGTH of your hair and concentrate on the HEALTH of your hair. In time the length will come.

IA with the majority of other posters ... Do your own hair and don't ever let anyone use tools you aren't happy with on your hair. I used to get braids at the salon and they would always cut the stray hairs within the braids when they was done, claiming it was the extensions. My hair never seemed to grow ...it foolishly took me a while to realise they were cuttin my hair also!!! Moral of the story? Most people don't care as much for your hair as you!They will ruin and obliterate your hair to make a STYLE look good ... When you have a stylist like that ... THEY NEED TO GO! PRONTO!

Sent from my GT-I9000 using Long Hair Care Forum App

 

[pjbapb]

If braids is what keeps the peace in your home, why can't you get cornrows and put crochet braids in? Simple solution and then no one is ripping your hair out. You can wash it and stretch it the day before so there are no tangles when the cornrows go in.

 

[Kiki0130]

These ladies are soooo smart and each one so far has given you the
truth.

If you've grown accustomed to the ease of braids and you know how
to nurture your own hair while in braids learn how to do it yourself!
You can do it. There are many braid tutorials online. I taught myself
how to do braid extensions with the video on growafrohairlong.com.
I downloaded it and practiced until I felt comfortable doing single braids.
Not the best braider, but I was able to use them to make transitioning
a little easier by keeping them in for a few weeks at a time.

And guess what? It only cost, at most, $15 for hair. I think I have a
picture in my album here of how I did them. I curled the ends in hot
water with perm rods too. I thought I was hot stuff!

Anyway, just another suggestion. Don't be discouraged, sweetpea

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/picture.php?albumid=6913&pictureid=101307

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/picture.php?albumid=6913&pictureid=101309

 

[AmyRose92]

Everything I wanted to say has been said thus far, but I just want to re-emphasize one point: do not compare your progress to that of others. I know the feeling a little too well on looking at BSL+ women and wishing that my hair would just do some magical growth spurt like Rapunzel and sprout my barely SL hair down to my kneecaps overnight. But, I realized that there's a difference between looking at inspiration and looking for comparison. Of course there's nothing wrong with looking at longer-haired ladies for inspiration (which will encourage you to be mindful of your hair practices that are/aren't conducive to length retention), but if you keep looking at their fotkis and their YT videos while thinking: "Why is my hair not retaining length like theirs?", then there's need for adjustment. It'll make it even harder for you to accept your hair growth rate and the fact that you're at a certain length while others are already there or getting there with seemingly little to no effort. Then, that'll lead to discouragement. Just be mindful that your hair is exactly what it is: yours. You have the ability to retain it just as well as the next person. Don't go comparing your hair retention/length to others because it'll just lead to more frustration and pain.

I wish you the best on your HHJ! I know you'll make it to WL! You just need to be patient and do what you know is best for your hair!

 

[SimplyBlessed]

Why don't u stop getting braids done by other ppl? If they are ripping ur hair out just to put them In...I'm sure they are tight as hell

Sent from my HTC Glacier using Long Hair Care Forum App

 

[nappystorm]

I use braid extensions as a PS. I suggest straightening or blowing out your hair prior to going. It will save you a big headache.

 

[aa9746]

Thanks Ladies! After I do my braids this time. I will trim the damage off my ends and try to do my own hair!

I think I'm more angry at myself because I should have just gone to my cousin instead of listening to my aunt. I really want waistlength hair and I feel like I need to do my own hair if I want any kind of retention.

Very very true at the bolded.

 

[changingSeasons]

Sorry OP, I know exactly how you feel, I recently got my braided and she did use a rattail comb to my horror. I wear braids often and they are a great protective style for me.

You should learn how to braid yourself. I learned after practicing in the past year and searching online. I wash, condition, and detangle my hair without a rattail comb, so that there are no broken hairs on the floor. I also dont braid my hairline too tight, but I do them smaller.

Anyways, Good Luck!

 

[princessdi]

Sorry this happened, and I know how frustrating it is, trust me when I say this. I was where you are 4 years ago because of a stylist and I just had to put my foot down. I decided then that I would never let another stylist touch my hair and I started to do my own hair-- relaxers and all.

It will get better for you, but you're going to have to do it yourself. It's a new year and new start for you. Take care of your own hair. If it weren't for me dumping the stylist I had I wouldn't be where I am today.

It will happen, but all in time.

Good luck and keep us posted on your progress throughout the year.

Hugs!!

 

[shenitab]

1. I also recommend learning how to braid. When you have some extra money buy a mannequin head with human hair, a pack of synthetic braiding hair, watch some youtube videos, and practice.
2. If your cousin does your hair well, do whatever you can do to coordinate with her to have her do it, until you learn to do it on your own. When she does your hair, bring your mannequin with you. She can help you learn how to do braids.
3. See if you can find a braider who specializes in doing simple children's hair styles. Sometimes they have a lot more patience and are a lot more gentle than other stylists.
4. I found a gentle and experienced stylist not far from Potomac Mills Mall in Woodbridge, VA. She did my hair and my girls hair. She was gentle, efficient, did a great job, reasonably priced, and was very nice to boot. She did not blink at our three very full heads of hair. PM me if you want her information.
5. You still have time to grow your hair down to your ankles. In a way it is better to get your hair together now than to wait until it is almost waistlength and then lose it all to a setback. It's going to be alright, you just need a plan. Once you have a plan you will feel better. Once you start enacting your plan, you will be on your way.
6. Sometimes you have to have a blind ear to some of the things that people say. You can disagree with what your parents think and still be respectful. It is your hair.

 

[julzinha]

Thanks Ladies!

When I take down these braids I will assess the damage and trim my ends. But I feel the most anger and frustration with myself because I don't know what possessed me to go to this lady when I should have just gone to my cousin someone I am comfortable with. And now my progress is gone. From now on I am only listening to myself when it comes to my hair.

 

[julzinha]

Today I decided to take down one of the braids and I looked at how one part was ear length and the other side collar bone. I wanted to cry and I am crying because I am going to Brazil in Jan 2012 for 6 months and I really wanted to be BSL by then now I just feel like cutting everything off. And I keep yelling at myself abt why didn't I just get up and leave. Now my hair is all messed up and I don't think I will reach BSL by my goal time.