Anyone ever go natural only to discover . . .

[Glib Gurl]

. . .that they didn't "like" their grade of hair?

There is a new girl in my office with natural hair - it's BEAUTIFUL. She wears it in all different styles - sometimes in a plait, other times just in a wild fro . . . it's gorgeous . . . like a cloud or cotton candy. Very soft. (Yep, I touched it. I asked permission first, though *lol*) Seeing her hair makes me want to try going natural. (I've been thinking about it for a while, actually.) But the thing that holds me back is that I don't particularly *like* my grade of hair . . . when that relaxer is getting old and I'm dealing with kinks coming out of my scalp, I just can't do anything with it . . . imagining a head full of that hair makes me erplexed Then again, you don't really *know* what your natural hair looks like until you give it a chance to grow . . . plus, I'm sure there are tons of products out there that could help a sista out

But back to the question at hand - anyone had "buyer's remorse" after going natural? Did you big chop or transition?

Glib

P.S. - Do not throw tomatoes at me. I'm talking about my reaction to MY own hair. Not making a statement about all natural/african/black/kinky/nappy hair. If you don't believe me, peep the first paragraph where I go on and on about my new co-worker's lovely locks.

 

[Britt]

Now Glib, I highly and strongly doubt you are going to get many responses from ppl who feel this way on the board.
I do appreciate your honesty and bravery to actually admit this on this board
LOL @ buyer's remorse, what a way of putting it.

I think there are several people on here who've felt this way. There are a couple of people who go natural, realize it's not what they thought it would be, and then go straight back to relaxing.

 

[Iluvsmuhgrass]

Heyyyy! Nope. I was willing to embrace what I have with open arms. I BC'ed after a 5 month transition. I love my hair and have no regrets. Except for not doing a buzz cut. I kinda wish I had

lol I wouldn't throw tomatoes at you. You're just being honest about how you feel. Truthfully, I don't think that you can get a good feel for what you have until it grows out a bit. My hair was totally different when I had relaxed ends. It was hard for me to find a balance especially with all of the different textures that I have going on.

I have talked to a few people though that feel that their hair is "less than desirable" but it seems as if they're just unsure of what it needs/likes so far.

Hopefully other ladies come in without fear of being stoned/tomato'ed (lol did I just make a new word) to death.

 

[fashion87]

The first 2 times I tried to transition, I buckled and relaxed because I was annoyed with my hair. My thinking was if its going to be this much work then forget it, transitioning is not for the weak at heart. Anyway fast forward I'm now almost 1yr and 9 months into my transition, and although it's a challenge I've learned what products work with my hair.
Long story short I love my hair now. Its funny because my opinion has completely reversed now I can't wait to cut off the annoying relaxed ends in June!!

 

[nappystorm]

Prior my bc, I thought i had wavy hair because my roots were wavy. When I cut it, I discovered that I had kinky-curly hair. I still prefer it to my relaxed hair though. It's softer and retains moisture better.

I would say do a long tern stretch so that you can get a better idea of your natural hair type.

 

[femmedusiecle]

At the end of the day, it's a matter of realizing what's growing out of your own scalp and accepting it. It's in your DNA and there isn't a chemical in the world that will change it bc it keeeeeps on growing lol!
Honestly, one can't really blame you for feeling this way because of---well...hmmmm...SOCIETY!!!!! You just have to do what everyone else has done and push through all the negativity associated with your "grade" of hair. There are a lot of women who go natural, are shocked, relax again and then return to their natural hair a few months or few years later. Not everyone will be on the same pace on the road to acceptance of the kinkiest hair type.

 

[Skiggle]

IMO, I think you are going to
have to mentally/emotionally transition
your mind before you do the actual transition.
Accepting your texture for what is or maybe is one of
the most important steps in transitioning from relaxed to natural hair.
If you don't you'll most likely go back to relaxing.

 

[knt1229]

My body hair is very close to the type of hair on my head. So check your underarms and your no no place and see if you like that. Now the hair in your no no place might be wiry and coarse and the underarm hair might be softer than the no no spot but the texture should still be similar.

I know this is funny and a little out there but seriously it should give you some type of idea of what you'll be working with. You could also check childhood photos if you have any of your natural hair.

For me, I could clearly remember my own natural childhood hair and my mother had a good memory of what my hair was like. So I knew to expect what I got in all it's type 4 glory.

ETA: new growth is not a good indicator of what your natural hair will be like. It tends to be extremely dry and tangly. So don't go by that.

 

[Napp]

i made a similar thread not to long ago.
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=525517

i enjoy my natural hair but i am not in love with the texture. i dont think you have to be in love with your hair texture to enjoy being natural.

 

[NaeChail]

Yeah. It's why I tried to texlax after being natural for almost a year. And then again 2 years after the BC that corrected that. *rolls eyes at my failed attempt to transition*

But all it did was make my appreciation deeper once I did learn to love my hair. I had the "Joan complex" thinkin I'd suddenly have Tracee Ellis Ross curls or something. And when I didn't, I was mad. I preached to everyone how healthy and cool my hair was, but I hated it. But when I accepted it for what it was and stop trying to make it something else...that's when I really began to feel it was healthy and cool. ( I went through that with my body too, come to think of it lol.)

It's hair. If you cut it, it grows back, and if you let grow natural and don't like it, nobody can stop you from going to Tully's to buy a relaxes lol. Try transitioning. If you don't like it, go back to what you know. But at least then, you can say you gave it a shot, and know its truly not for you.

But that's just IMO.

 

[OsnapCnapp!]

I knew what my natural hair would look like when I was relaxed because I stretched my relaxers for miles (4-6 months at a time) and I would look at it and touch it and knew what it would be like. I went natural for a different reason but I already knew how it would be and I love it. I love my texture and I know if I take my time and give it extra care, it's actually not that bad to deal with.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

I think you should go natural when you are in a mind set where you're ready to embrace your natural texture unconditionally, with no caveats, and when you're ready to learn what products techniques and styles best agree with your natural hair to allow it to thrive.

As Skiggle mentioned, the mental transition is just as important as the physical one because you will be the exception to the societal rule. We are fortunate to live in a time where naturals have a multitude of options for products for ALL hair types and textures and exchange of ideas for virtually any questions we have.

 

[longhairluv]

When I first starting growing out my hair more than 10 years ago, I loved the texture because it was the first time I realized or saw I had any type of curly texture but than there are also times I wish my hair was more of a looser curl when it became difficult or frustrating to style the certain ways I like. I like to have more define uniformed type of curls whether small or big. I would like to have either one texture of 3c, 4a, or 4b curls type all over my head instead of having a combo of all of them and frizz added into the mix it would make life easier. But with braid or twist sets, wigs and etc. I get to have what I want so I'm happy. Whatever it maybe I don't think I would ever in ever's get a relaxer so I'm learning to embrace and love what I got and make it work for me.

 

[Luvcurlies1984]

Unfortunately I'm just 6 months post BC, so I'm still learning about my texture. Sometimes I must admit that I get a little frustrated with it :-(

 

[MyAngelEyez~C~U]

look at pics of your hair as a small child, may give you clues to your TRUE texture. also I'd check male family members' hair for possible texture clues, as well.

As for me, I had no surprises really, since I was natural until I was 18. I kinda had a good idea what to expect, even though I was kinda "heat-trained" back then.

 

[mzteaze]

I guess I will be in the minority to say, I didn't love my natural hair AT FIRST. Looking back now, I can say that I didn't like it because it didn't look like anything I was USED to seeing on my head. I wore a weave for years and had gotten used to my favored hair texture. So yeah, it was disappointing to see my reality - small tighter curls instead of a gentle wave, etc.

BUT, as I learned more about how to care for my hair and learned how to nurse my hair back to health, I started to like my hair. Now, I love it. Its versatile and I have added to my styling library with at least 4-5 looks I can execute to my satisfaction. Its healthier than its been in more than nearly two decades.

If you are in the middle of transitioning, its going to take some time for you to get used to a new look for yourself.

 

[SimJam]

My hair is A grade like 4.0 GPA

I luv it

 

[Roux]

During my transition I thought I didn't have curls and was predominately 4B with no pattern in some places. That was okay with me. Didn't matter to me because I planned on wearing twist outs and braid outs anyways. I bc'd to find that I am more than likely 4A all over and I have curls. Who knew?

I think it's a normal feeling to have, especially since natural hair historically has been the disdain of the black woman's existence and a relaxer was the answer to the problem, the 'relief' for all of your hair troubles, and many of us got relaxers as children so the idea that your hair was SOOOO unbearable you HAD to get a relaxer.

So venturing on into the unknown is a bit scary, especially since you know it can be a gamble on what your hair is going to look like until you BC.

To answer simply: No. I personally do not have any remorse. I'm LOVING experiencing my natural hair for the first time that I ever remember and wish I had gone natural sooner. But don't let your fear delay you, because they will still be selling relaxers if you decide to go back and relax some day.

 

[RubyWoo]

When I first attempted to transition, I thought my hair was going to be a certain hair type. However, after 6 months I got an idea of what my hair type was and learned that I was wrong. I was disappointed. At that point I decided to relax.

When I transitioned the second (and last) time, I knew what my hair type was and was ready to embrace it. I really had to go through a mental transition to get to that level of acceptance. Now, I absolutely love my hair and I'm really glad I "stuck" it out.

 

[afrikurl]

I've had natural hair for most of my life but I always hid it in braids. When I decided to embrace my natural hair, yes there was some buyers remorse.

I literally had to tell myself, "you are pretty. Your hair looks fine. That's the way it's supposed to be." I had to fake it until I made it. I stuck with it not only because I wanted a certain look but because I wanted to feel unconditionally pretty. Try some super curly of faux fro wigs. See how you feel about them. You may be surprised.

 

[Rei]

yeah, it happens. When I first went natural I thought I would love my hair because it would either come out 4a and coily and beautiful or 4b with a superthick lovely fro like esperanza spalding

Instead I got this floppy mess that only looks good when its damp. (ie, siggie pic) Sometimes not liking your natural hair has nothing to do with society. Sometimes you just don't like your hair

I live with it because it was 10x worse relaxed so I might as well not bother. Eventually I'll figure it out

 

[racheljay1985]

No, I thought my natural hair was beautiful but I just hated maintaining it and I didn't have the patience to grow it out. I hate short hair on me so that was my only complaint.

 

[beanie44]

I cut off my hair in 2004 because it just started breaking off until the only thing left was my crown and front hair, I had been getting a Wave Nouveau curly perm for about 10 years then, I figured out later that my stylist was overlapping the perm.

It just started breaking off but I was doing the same thing I always did maybe I kept it too dry since I hated that wet dripping look but I liked how the curls looked, on my next touch up 3 months later it broke off in the same area so I just let it grow 4 inches and cut it even. Relaxers just didn't workout for me (my hair would not stay straight and it was ALWAYS frizzy I looked like a chia pet)

My mother did not know how to do hair at all she was not skilled in braiding or styling her hair or mines so I learn how to do it myself. I found out my hair looked curly when wet but not dry in 2006 but I thought it was the still some of the curly perm left on the ends so I kept cutting it out and my hair stayed dry as the Sahara desert because I used regular shampoo and using conditioner was by accident, so I went searching on the internet to find products to help my hair and I found Naturally curly and this site.

I had no ideal that I had curls until they started appearing because I was using products to give it moisture, stopped brushing and combing hair dry, used conditioners DC and leave-ins, no towel drying and left the water in my hair what a concept!

I guess my moisture balance got better cuz the curls started to appear everywhere and stayed. I didn't know what my curls would look like and I didn't care I just wanted less drama and more control with my hair, so no more perms/relaxers for me, don't like weaves and I hate wigs.

I love my hair natural it took 40 years to find this hair so I will deal with all the little things that go with it, every blue moon I get wild hair up my tush and flatiron. It's not for everybody and something you should really think about, good luck!

 

[1QTPie]

Glib now... lol you've been on this board a long time, that's all I'm gonna say. lol

And,

No, didn't know what my hair looked like, didn't care. I'm cool with my hair.

 

[MsSanz92]

I say don't worry too much about it. Your hair texture might be as "bad" as you might think it will be. The first few months, you might have "scab" hair that might be more kinky, coarse, or difficult to manage but after a while your true texture should grow in. Also, growing and taking care of your natural hair properly will mean your hair will become healthier, thus easier to manage over time. Also as you age, your hair changes textures/density several times within a lifetime. I initially went natural and thought my hair would be 4zzzz unmanageable naps but after a while I realized my hair was actually 4a/4b and not as hard to deal with than what I anticipated.

I noticed that a lot of black people feel this way because many of us grew up with very unhealthy hair practices that made our hair appear much drier, coarser and difficult to manage than it actually was, which led to many black women giving up and relaxing their/their children's hair. Because of this, I think the major reason why black women relax their hair is because they simply had/have no clue how to properly care for natural hair. The naturals I see now, their hair looks much better/healthier than it did when they were younger before relaxing, due to much better hair practices. I feel that once you start to take good care of your natural hair, the texture will not be as problematic as you think, and eventually you will learn what works or does not for your texture.

HHG

 

[libertysince05]

I didnt like my limp flat relaxed hair or the relaxed smell everytime my hair got wet.
So having a bit more volume (i have fine hair ) and smell free hair is a lot better.
I did like my texture right away, i'm also more comfortable doing my natural hair than i ever was with relaxed hair for me relaxed hair was always a temporary look.

 

[brownbean96]

If the majority of other races hair looked like ours and the minority (other races) hair was straight, would we still have an issue accepting the 'grade' '(I cringe everytime I hear this word. Implies that there is an acceptable and unacceptable range of afrikan hair) of our hair? If everyone elses hair looked like ours, would 'accepting' our hair even be an issue? I think not.

We haven't had a healthy relationship with our hair in general because we've be indoctrinated that our hair is bad. Naturally, the opposite of our hair is good. So, I agree with the other ladies, the first step in going natural is mental - acceptance. And its very important not to have to many pre-conceived notions about what your may or may not look like.

When you truly accept your hair, then the texture won't matter. Tecnique, education and patience will guide you in how to care for and beautify your hair and its texture. Acceptance gives you the ability to figure it out. Your hair becomes an extension of you. Just like accepting your body type (everyones is different/same with hair. Theres no two heads alike.) - you learn to wear things that flatter your body type. No difference with your hair - you will learn to make what you have the best it can be.

 

[Britt]

I say don't worry too much about it. Your hair texture might be as "bad" as you might think it will be. The first few months, you might have "scab" hair that might be more kinky, coarse, or difficult to manage but after a while your true texture should grow in. Also, growing and taking care of your natural hair properly will mean your hair will become healthier, thus easier to manage over time. Also as you age, your hair changes textures/density several times within a lifetime. I initially went natural and thought my hair would be 4zzzz unmanageable naps but after a while I realized my hair was actually 4a/4b and not as hard to deal with than what I anticipated.

I noticed that a lot of black people feel this way because many of us grew up with very unhealthy hair practices that made our hair appear much drier, coarser and difficult to manage than it actually was, which led to many black women giving up and relaxing their/their children's hair. Because of this, I think the major reason why black women relax their hair is because they simply had/have no clue how to properly care for natural hair. The naturals I see now, their hair looks much better/healthier than it did when they were younger before relaxing, due to much better hair practices. I feel that once you start to take good care of your natural hair, the texture will not be as problematic as you think, and eventually you will learn what works or does not for your texture.

HHG

I agree with this entire post.
Also, I've noticed that PLENTY of naturals experience a bit of a hair texture change from when they originally bc to a good 2 yrs post big chop. I think it's from all the years of relaxing. I've seen couple of yt's vids and fotki albums where i've noticed this. I'm not talking about 4b's magically turning into a 3b . But a def wave/curl pattern begins to form and the hair isn't as dry and wiry looking. I've also noticed this with some of the folks who stretched their relaxers for about a year... the most recent new growth looks a little different than the older new growth. I think it's a bit ridiculous if you've never seen a curl in your life to expect to go natural and think your hair is gonna look like Joan or some other curly head . I do think yearsssss of relaxing and especially if you are a non stretcher takes it's toll on your hair and you might have scab hair at first.
I'd like to go natural, but I'd have to learn how to handle it. I'm also not one to sit down for hours on a hairstyle or take that amount of time to detangle so I don't know. Some naturals say it doesn't take them long and then others says it takes them a good 1hr to detangle. Sometimes when my new growth is growing in I look at it compared to my permed hair and I think "damn, look at this raggedy *** shyt" .... the permed part just seems so lifeless compared to my roots. I def wouldn't want to BC and if I were to transition, I'd think I'd have to get a weave for the first time.

 

[Britt]

If the majority of other races hair looked like ours and the minority (other races) hair was straight, would we still have an issue accepting the 'grade' '(I cringe everytime I hear this word. Implies that there is an acceptable and unacceptable range of afrikan hair) of our hair? If everyone elses hair looked like ours, would 'accepting' our hair even be an issue? I think not.

We haven't had a healthy relationship with our hair in general because we've be indoctrinated that our hair is bad. Naturally, the opposite of our hair is good. So, I agree with the other ladies, the first step in going natural is mental - acceptance. And its very important not to have to many pre-conceived notions about what your may or may not look like.

When you truly accept your hair, then the texture won't matter. Tecnique, education and patience will guide you in how to care for and beautify your hair and its texture. Acceptance gives you the ability to figure it out. Your hair becomes an extension of you. Just like accepting your body type (everyones is different/same with hair. Theres no two heads alike.) - you learn to wear things that flatter your body type. No difference with your hair - you will learn to make what you have the best it can be.

Love this post!

 

[EllePixie]

I treated going natural just as I treat any other "big purchase." I researched a lot, and looked at all types of hair because I didn't want to be disappointed if my hair didn't come out a certain way. Turns out, it really wasn't the curl pattern that made me want to stop relaxing - it was that big, soft looking hair - it didn't matter if it was curly or kinky - I just wanted that bigness! Which makes sense though, because when I was younger I used to braid my relaxed hair then comb it out so my hair would be huge (like a lion's mane).

I was anxious to know my hair type because I thought that you HAD to know this to choose products (at that time most companies used hair type to suggest products), but now I know better (and am still not sure of my hair type but stopped caring lol). Just be honest with yourself - if you're not going to like your hair unless it comes out a certain way, you need to make the mental transition first.