I'm so discouraged with my natural hair!!! Calling all texlaxers and naturals4 advice

[Moca]

I am in a really confusing place as a new natural. I have been natural for about 3-4 months and I'm struggling to manage my hair!! Seriously i feel like going out and buying a perm and trying a shot at texlaxing!! lol Before you get me for not being patient I feel like I have been more than that!! My only issue with being natural is detangling.. When ever I wash which is only once a week it takes me hours and sometimes 2 days to get through my hair. As I am a mother of 2 work full time and go to school!! Texlaxing just would be a lot easier for my demanding schedule of course but I love my curly texture and dont want to lose that completly. Advice anyone!! My question would be what perm would be most gentle ( if that even makes since) and is this something I could learn to master on my own or do most of you go to stylist??

 

[tasha5951]

Re: I'm so discouraged with my natural hair!!! Calling all texlaxers and naturals4 ad

Are you transitioning or did you do a BC? How long is your hair? I found that after about 11 months of transitioning, I could not wear wash and go styles without being in for a MAJOR detangling job. I'm in protective styles most of the time now but I always stretch my hair first by braiding it after washing/deep conditioning and letting it dry in braids, then I unbraid it and put it in whatever style I want.

Also, not everyone can only detangle just 1x per week, maybe you need a mid week detangle too. What product are you using to detangle your hair? Kinky Curly Knot Today changed my LIFE!

 

[Moca]

Re: I'm so discouraged with my natural hair!!! Calling all texlaxers and naturals4 ad

I did a bc and have about 4-5 inches of hair. I don't wear wash and go's at all because for me that is like hair suicide. I wear either small medium twist, braids, or conrows under a wig as a protective style, but I still struggle with ssk's. I also try my best to detangle with a ton of condish.. I do use kckt also but with the ssk's and my hair being so thick i just dont know.
I will try the mid-week detangle with kckt mixed with aloe. Aside from me putting kckt on after my wash i dont really keep my ends as moist as i should. could be it??

 

[ms-gg]

Re: I'm so discouraged with my natural hair!!! Calling all texlaxers and naturals4 ad

Try detangling your hair in sections. Braid or twist your hair up and take down only one section at a time to detangle. Make sure you use a product with slip or oils. Also wash your hair in those braids and twists.

If your hair is thick, it may take a little longer. I had to accept this as my reality and I am fine with it even though when I tell people how long it takes me it shocks them but it is what it is. I know I have a lot of hair and if I want to keep it healthy then I just take my time and be patient with my hair....

 

[niqu92]

Re: I'm so discouraged with my natural hair!!! Calling all texlaxers and naturals4 ad

when iwas natural i always got frustrated with my hair because it would take me hours to detangle and i just didnt have the time to spend all day on my hair[personally i think spending more than 1hour just to detangle hair is ridiculous]so i decided to texlax and it made it sooo much easier.i think you should look into it

 

[Ronnieaj]

Re: I'm so discouraged with my natural hair!!! Calling all texlaxers and naturals4 ad

I did a bc and have about 4-5 inches of hair. I don't wear wash and go's at all because for me that is like hair suicide. I wear either small medium twist, braids, or conrows under a wig as a protective style, but I still struggle with ssk's. I also try my best to detangle with a ton of condish.. I do use kckt also but with the ssk's and my hair being so thick i just dont know.
I will try the mid-week detangle with kckt mixed with aloe. Aside from me putting kckt on after my wash i dont really keep my ends as moist as i should. could be it??

I wear my hair in a bun daily, and I comb my hair every single night to braid the hair before going to bed. I know most people would probably advise against it, but getting out the shed hair daily, moisturizing and sealing twice a day (at night for braiding and I have to spritz my hair in the morning for bunning) has truly been a lifesaver.

How are you detangling your hair when you do it? How stretched do you keep your hair on a regular basis? What conditioner are you using to detangle with? Questions questions!

 

[lacreolegurl]

Re: I'm so discouraged with my natural hair!!! Calling all texlaxers and naturals4 ad

I also suggest washing and detangling in sections. It may take longer, but may keep you from feeling overwhelmed. I never rinse all of my conditioner out either...that really helps me.
Good luck!

 

[faithVA]

Re: I'm so discouraged with my natural hair!!! Calling all texlaxers and naturals4 ad

I wear my hair in a bun daily, and I comb my hair every single night to braid the hair before going to bed. I know most people would probably advise against it, but getting out the shed hair daily, moisturizing and sealing twice a day (at night for braiding and I have to spritz my hair in the morning for bunning) has truly been a lifesaver.

How are you detangling your hair when you do it? How stretched do you keep your hair on a regular basis? What conditioner are you using to detangle with? Questions questions!

Not advising against texlaxing - just don't know anything about it.

I am 4a/b natural with SL hair. I don't do a mid week but I do thoroughly detangle with oil and water, or conditioner before I let any water touch my hair. This takes about 15 minutes in regular twist or 30 minutes if I have in mini twists. I would advise thoroughly detangling your hair before you shampoo or cleanse.

If you shampoo, and your hair is tangled after the shampoo, you should try a different shampoo or adding oil and aloe vera gel to your shampoo.

I don't find that I really have to detangle my hair after I shampoo and condition if I detangle before hand and I keep the moisture in my hair at every stage of the cleansing process.

 

[PearlyCurly]

Re: I'm so discouraged with my natural hair!!! Calling all texlaxers and naturals4 ad

Well my honest opinion is that it is a little to early to give up on being natural.

 

[curlyninjagirl]

Re: I'm so discouraged with my natural hair!!! Calling all texlaxers and naturals4 ad

I only detangle once a month because I leave my hair in 30 braids. I avoid tangles by working with my hair in sections. I put my hair in 8 twists and wash one section at a time. I don't detangle after I wash, I do that step as I'm taking down my braids. I wouldn't even call it detangling. I just use my fingers to separate and gently release the shed hairs.

My natural hair does take a lot of time (the once a month I do it LOL), but I enjoy every second of playing in my hair! I've gotten to the point in my journey where I know my hair like clock work and it's even easy now! If you feel you don't have the time and you're not enjoying yourself, why bother with the natural thing? Hair should be fun.

 

[Evolving78]

Re: I'm so discouraged with my natural hair!!! Calling all texlaxers and naturals4 ad

i now how you feel about the tangling and knots. i think you should use thicker conditioner like Aussie Moist, Herbal Essence Hello Hydration, Yes To Cucumbers, etc.... to detangle you hair with. detangle in sections. after i wash and dc, i use KTKT and one of those conditoners i mentioned as a leave-in. i have spray bottle of water to re-wet my hair. i apply some castor oil to each section i detangle. i started using a regular, old school grooming comb to detangle my hair. after i detangle a section, i twist it. i have about 10-11 big twists in my hair. i let it airdry over night.

in the morning, I use a pomade while i take down the twists and separate with my fingers. i use a toothbrush to brush down my little baby hair, put a flower in on the side, and keep it moving.

this has been helping so far with avoiding tangles and knots. i decided to use a grooming comb, since it was better at removing the shed hairs. even finger detangling wasn't cutting it. i'm a working mother of two little ones as well, so i know about the time thing.

oh, and you still might have ssks with being texlaxed.

 

[GeorgiaGurl]

Re: I'm so discouraged with my natural hair!!! Calling all texlaxers and naturals4 ad

I second the Aussie Moist (cones) or Tresemme Naturals Nourishing Moisture Conditioner (cone free) for detangling.

 

[Napp]

Re: I'm so discouraged with my natural hair!!! Calling all texlaxers and naturals4 ad

i agree with the sentiment that you have not been natural long enough to throw in the towel. depending on how mildly you texlax detangling time might not even decrease.

i highly suggest using sections during the washing,detangling and styling process. whenever i try to go at my hair all at once and uncontained i get overwhelmed.

 

[Uniqzoe]

Re: I'm so discouraged with my natural hair!!! Calling all texlaxers and naturals4 ad

Trust me I understand having a lack of time. I too have been fully natural for 3 months, I work full time, also in school (on campus), and have kids and hubby to boot so I don't have hours to detangle either. My hair is shoulder length with a 4a/b texture. For me I always wet my hair down, cover with conditioner (usually YTCucumbers) put a shower/heat cap on and leave it there for a couple of hours or overnight. Once I'm ready to detangle it only takes me 20-30 mins max. After I rinse the conditioner out I braid it up and proceed to wash (if needed w/shampoo), this way my hair won't tangle again during the wash.

This process saves me lots of time and allows me to do other things while my hair is softening up. This also got me through 18 months of transitioning. I hope you find something that works for you!

 

[FoxxyLocs]

Re: I'm so discouraged with my natural hair!!! Calling all texlaxers and naturals4 ad

What tool (comb, brush, etc) do you detangle with? That makes a big difference. Also, there is a thread about oil rinses. Some members have had success using those to help with tangles. Maybe you could try that.

 

[Moca]

Re: I'm so discouraged with my natural hair!!! Calling all texlaxers and naturals4 ad

The conditioners that I have tried to help detangle are Tresseme moisture,naturals and even the one for curly hair. I also have used trader joe's nourish spa. The only tools that I use are a wide tooth comb and occasionally a denmen brush... I also leave my hair braided in sections all week. I only take it down once and thats to wash. I have also tried washing it in braids and while that does work once I go to comb it ouch!

 

[BraunSugar]

Re: I'm so discouraged with my natural hair!!! Calling all texlaxers and naturals4 ad

All I can really say is that it takes time to learn. There are women who have been natural for years and are still learning. It is something completely new to you, so you have to figure out what works and what doesn't. Hopefully you won't make any rash decisions out of frustration. I have different phases I go through where I get absolutely tired of my hair. Just take a breather if you get frustrated. The ladies have given you good advice. Good luck.

 

[Lucia]

Re: I'm so discouraged with my natural hair!!! Calling all texlaxers and naturals4 ad

I suggest dumping your shampoo altogether. Sulfates will tangle your hair up something awful even non sulfates will tangle hair the soap part that does the tangling too. Dontthink that tangling not an issue if youre relaxed it is maybe not as bad as transitioning but it can still tangle w shampoo.

My hair was a beast to detangle until I went cond only now I can detangle my hair in 10 min In the shower 5 min each section I do 2 pokhantas braids.
Find a conditioner with slip that's moisturizing and keep protein I check
If you want to clarify use acv diluted w water then rinse with water. Hth

 

[cinnespice]

Re: I'm so discouraged with my natural hair!!! Calling all texlaxers and naturals4 ad

I get frustrated with my natural hair too. Not so much as before. I think because i don't know how to style it yet but i'm learning.Because my hair can get hard and dry pretty fast I pre-poo with trader joe's nourish or tresemme naturals over night and some vatika,grapeseed or coconut oil. Then i wash with my one of my chagrin valley bars and i dc with alter ego mixed with hemp seed oil. I de-tangle while the conditioner is in with a wide tooth and wash. Air dry like 70% and then rub some shea butter mix through my hair twist it up cause i can't cornrow and then I put on a wig. I co-wash 1-2x a week and moisturize.I notice with all that i do it is not in vain.I use the wig cause i really don't want to mess with my hair like that everyday and I admit i'm lazy. I get weaves in the summer or for vacation cause a wig will set your behind on fire in the summer:heated:.....or maybe that was me
I know its a lot.....my hair is weird no perm can penetrate this hair it was never straight when i permed. My hair was a ham before i learned what worked and it took some time and research.

If you decide to get a tex-lax just do some research but I think what i boils down to is patience with your hair and just finding out what works for you.

 

[EccentricRed]

Re: I'm so discouraged with my natural hair!!! Calling all texlaxers and naturals4 ad

I know this sounds crazy, but have you considered washing your hair more often during the week? I co-wash my hair daily or every other day. When I'm co-washing, I do a mini-detangling just as upkeep. At the end of the week, (when I deep condition) I do a more extensive detangling. I know for my hair, if I don't detangle bit by bit during the week, then I end up going through it on the weekends. I notice that if I slack off, then I find more knots.

 

[SmilingElephant]

Try the curly girl method!! But then again you might need the cones at least to aid you in detangling. But Im finding my hair is a lot more manageable avoiding cones and sulfates.

I wear a wash n go daily for right now…but I also wear twists when I don't wanna deal with my hair. I detangle some kinda way EVERYTIME I wash my hair. Fingers throughout the week and a comb on the weekends for when I cleanse my hair and deep condition.

 

[prettypithy]

Re: I'm so discouraged with my natural hair!!! Calling all texlaxers and naturals4 ad

I'm feeling similar to the OP so I'm bumping. I have no problem detangling though for me styling is more of an issue.

 

[destine2grow]

Re: I'm so discouraged with my natural hair!!! Calling all texlaxers and naturals4 ad

I am in a really confusing place as a new natural. I have been natural for about 3-4 months and I'm struggling to manage my hair!! Seriously i feel like going out and buying a perm and trying a shot at texlaxing!! lol Before you get me for not being patient I feel like I have been more than that!! My only issue with being natural is detangling.. When ever I wash which is only once a week it takes me hours and sometimes 2 days to get through my hair. As I am a mother of 2 work full time and go to school!! Texlaxing just would be a lot easier for my demanding schedule of course but I love my curly texture and dont want to lose that completly. Advice anyone!! My question would be what perm would be most gentle ( if that even makes since) and is this something I could learn to master on my own or do most of you go to stylist??

I would advise against it! The reason why is I relax my hair in Oct. 2010 b/c I was frustrated with my natural hair. I could not deal with the dryness and my hair started to break.

Now I am transitioning back to natural. I also never came here to ask for help during that time. I had BC in June 2010.

 

[GraceV]

Re: I'm so discouraged with my natural hair!!! Calling all texlaxers and naturals4 ad

I am in a really confusing place as a new natural. I have been natural for about 3-4 months and I'm struggling to manage my hair!! Seriously i feel like going out and buying a perm and trying a shot at texlaxing!! lol Before you get me for not being patient I feel like I have been more than that!! My only issue with being natural is detangling.. When ever I wash which is only once a week it takes me hours and sometimes 2 days to get through my hair. As I am a mother of 2 work full time and go to school!! Texlaxing just would be a lot easier for my demanding schedule of course but I love my curly texture and dont want to lose that completly. Advice anyone!! My question would be what perm would be most gentle ( if that even makes since) and is this something I could learn to master on my own or do most of you go to stylist??

To answer your question:
I think for most texlaxers the big things are mixing the relaxer with something that will slow it down (I use olive oil) and not leaving the relaxer for a long time (the duration depending on how loose you want your result to be). If you have these two down, the brand of relaxer you use just depends on what you like. What did you use before you transitioned? The brands I hear of most are ORS lye, Silk Elements, Mizani Butter blends. Also if you use a 'mild' version of relaxer that could work too.

If this is your first time relaxing yourself I suggest you read up on the self-relaxing threads, practice your application (and timing) with conditioner, and get the right tools/products.

Good luck with whatever you decide. Keep in mind that texlaxing will not remove the need to detangle, it just means you might have an easier time detangling.

 

[GaiasDaughter24]

Re: I'm so discouraged with my natural hair!!! Calling all texlaxers and naturals4 ad

Wash in braids/sections. I NEVER wash my hair loose anymore. When it was 4-5in. I put them in 4 sections with ouchless scrunchies. Once it got longer (Now I'm about 8in) I wash in twists or braids ALWAYS. It keeps the hair stretched and MUCH easier to detangle.

What styles are you wearing throughout the week? I NEVER wear non-stetched styles. Mostly braid/twistouts or Braid/twistout puffs (I don't have time for much else as I'm a mom of 2 as well.I'm a sahm but I'm in school full time too and hubby's always gone for work. So I totally know what you mean about time)

Have you found a conditioner that has A LOT of slip? The more the better. Once you find the right conditioner you'll be ok too.

If you are recently natural your hair may not be fully moisturized yet. I mean that as in it took time to get my moisture up. And by time I mean 8 months. I upped my DC'ing to twice a week for about 6 months to get it to the point I wanted it to be. I have only one wash day but I DC twice a week. I do my big routine (all day!! lol) sunday and only DC on thursday. Once my hair was properly moisturized detangling became easier as well.

Honestly, keeping it stretched at all times should help A LOT.

 

[Kash]

Re: I'm so discouraged with my natural hair!!! Calling all texlaxers and naturals4 ad

I am in a really confusing place as a new natural. I have been natural for about 3-4 months and I'm struggling to manage my hair!! Seriously i feel like going out and buying a perm and trying a shot at texlaxing!! lol Before you get me for not being patient I feel like I have been more than that!! My only issue with being natural is detangling.. When ever I wash which is only once a week it takes me hours and sometimes 2 days to get through my hair. As I am a mother of 2 work full time and go to school!! Texlaxing just would be a lot easier for my demanding schedule of course but I love my curly texture and dont want to lose that completly. Advice anyone!! My question would be what perm would be most gentle ( if that even makes since) and is this something I could learn to master on my own or do most of you go to stylist??

But if your hair is only 4-5 inches long, how can it take up to 2 days to detangle a few inches of hair?
What kind of hair do you have?

 

[DDTexlaxed]

Re: I'm so discouraged with my natural hair!!! Calling all texlaxers and naturals4 ad

If you texlax, you will still have to detangle. You will still have to do the same thing you did with natural hair. If you can't figure out how to handle your natural hair, you will end up frustrated. This is from a woman who has tried multiple times from relaxed to natural to relaxed/texlaxed nine times. If you don't learn how to handle your natural hair, your texlaxed hair will be challenging for you. I finally stayed natural for more than 5 months and I am learning to love my natural hair. If I ever went back to being texlaxed, I could really do great things hair wise because I learned how to take care of my natural hair. I learned by watching You Tube videos and practice with my hair. Products that worked for my relaxed hair did not work well for my natural hair. Trial and error for products is just a natural thing. Try using a sulfate free shampoo if you must use shampoo at all. Also, if you know what hair texture you are, you can look at pics of other naturals and see what products work for them. If you decide to relax, post pictures!:Flahsssss

 

[EllePixie]

Re: I'm so discouraged with my natural hair!!! Calling all texlaxers and naturals4 ad

Hours for 5 inches of hair? 2 days?! With conditioner and washing in sections? I'm sorry but something seems amiss...can you give us your full regi?

 

[dicapr]

Re: I'm so discouraged with my natural hair!!! Calling all texlaxers and naturals4 ad

I know this sounds crazy, but have you considered washing your hair more often during the week? I co-wash my hair daily or every other day. When I'm co-washing, I do a mini-detangling just as upkeep. At the end of the week, (when I deep condition) I do a more extensive detangling. I know for my hair, if I don't detangle bit by bit during the week, then I end up going through it on the weekends. I notice that if I slack off, then I find more knots.

Exactly what she said! I cannot go a week without detangling without it taking way too long. I detangle every 3-5 days at least. In the summer I detangle every other day. I am 4a/4b CBL and my detangle time is less than 10 minutes-and I wear a shrunken puff everyday which can create massive tangles.

 

[Ms Lala]

Re: I'm so discouraged with my natural hair!!! Calling all texlaxers and naturals4 ad

Trust me I understand having a lack of time. I too have been fully natural for 3 months, I work full time, also in school (on campus), and have kids and hubby to boot so I don't have hours to detangle either. My hair is shoulder length with a 4a/b texture. For me I always wet my hair down, cover with conditioner (usually YTCucumbers) put a shower/heat cap on and leave it there for a couple of hours or overnight. Once I'm ready to detangle it only takes me 20-30 mins max. After I rinse the conditioner out I braid it up and proceed to wash (if needed w/shampoo), this way my hair won't tangle again during the wash.

This process saves me lots of time and allows me to do other things while my hair is softening up. This also got me through 18 months of transitioning. I hope you find something that works for you!

This is exactly what I do. It works well. I don't feel like my natural hair takes any longer than my straight hair did now that I have it figured out.