I hate my hair :-( (vent)

[growinghealthyhair]

I have almost given up on my hair. I was getting encouraged because it was growing (so it seemed) but I think there may be such thing as "bad hair" . I don't have any problem with the texture of my hair. I just can't do anything with it and never have been. I feel so dependent on weaves and wigs it's so depressing I feel as though my hair is a curse. It makes me feel bad that I can't wear my real hair out in public. And I'm too embarrassed to let my boyfriend see it. I just feel like my hair controls me and there is nothing I can do about it. Even when I try to style it cute it's just not possible. It just shrinks up and gets dry and matted looking. It's just gotten worse as its gotten longer. I just feel like there is no hope. I hate my mom ever put a relaxer in my head. I feel like years of relaxers have just damaged my hair to the point that it's unmanageable. Sorry. Just needed to vent!

 

[wednesday]

I have felt the exact same way. I love my hair but sometimes i feel like i can't do anything with it! I think (i hope) it will get easier the longer it gets. Hang in there!

 

[LilMissSunshine5]

Hang in there hon!

 

[growinghealthyhair]

Thanks ladies.

wednesday

I'm sure you can do a lot more than I can. I can't do anything at all with my thinning edges and nape and my hair just feels like its nothing but tangled wire sitting on my head.

 

[DDTexlaxed]

I have felt like this for aeons and that is why I struggle with relaxing and BCing so much. However, I am slowly finding out that I can be successful in caring for my hair. I try not to compare my hair to others and enjoy whatever small steps of progress I make. I am researching You tube videos and tweaking the ones that I want to imitate. Be sure that you are NOT the only one who feels this way about your hair. I've made a hair journal and put in it the goals I want to make. When I reach the hair goals, I make new ones. If the hair goal I make is not working out for me, I change it. Do not give up! You can also come to love your hair. It all takes time. We're here to help you best we can.

 

[Darenia]

I have almost given up on my hair.

Don't You Dare! Yes I am yelling at you! You better not give up!

I was were you are last winter and I have so called "good hair" according to everyone I know. We all go though times when our hair just seems to take on a mind of it's own and mock our efforts. But don't give up, don't let your hair control you or manipulate you. I want to say "it's just hair" but I know it can be so much more than that.



Sometimes I think we have to give our hair "tough love" and say I'm going to love you even when you act a fool, laugh in my face, and embarrase me. I am going to wash you, condition you, moisturize you, seal you and protective style you! I will not give up on you and one day you are going to thank me for it and be the blessing that God created you to be!



Sorry for yelling... But you can do this.

 

[growinghealthyhair]

Darenia

You're so funny. I am over here bawling like a baby abot my hair and you made me laugh. I just wish I could wear my own hair out. That says alot coming from the Weave queen l. Even ladies with super twa can style their hair better than mine. Thingslike this discourage me. I mean who wants to be dependent on someone else's hair (weave)

 

[MzSwift]

((HUG))
Hang in there, girl! Keep tweaking styles until you come up with something you like!

For instance, if you tried to do a twistout and it looks bad you can:

-add a headband
-pin one side back
-add a hump in the front
-pin the back up
-do a combination of any of the above!

Trying to hide thin edges? I used to brush the hair downward first and then gently brush it back. It doesn't give a swoop effect but fills in the area a little more.

HTH!

 

[tiffers]

How often do you deep condition and moisturize? What products do you use? How long is your hair?

Maybe we can help you find ways to make your hair less dry and matted looking.

Have you tried rollersets, twist outs or braid outs?

 

[Kn0ttyByNatur3]

I had a issue similiar to a couple years ago, when I was relaxed. I had a old man looking bald spot, kinda big, too. And it was clear smack-dad in the middle of my forehead, shiny and all. I remember I could never wear cute updos and etc like the other girls at school. (high school) It was a esteem killer, luckily my relaxed hair was long to cover it up. But I had no knowledge of any hair forums, so it took months to grow that patch back in on my own.

Found out the culprit was me knotting my silk scarf there every night, tightly.

To sum it, OP. I say never give up. Sure, things look darn near hopeless sometimes, but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Just keep reaching for it. =D

 

[growinghealthyhair]

((HUG))
Hang in there, girl! Keep tweaking styles until you come up with something you like!

For instance, if you tried to do a twistout and it looks bad you can:

-add a headband
-pin one side back
-add a hump in the front
-pin the back up
-do a combination of any of the above!

Trying to hide thin edges? I used to brush the hair downward first and then gently brush it back. It doesn't give a swoop effect but fills in the area a little more.

HTH!

MzSwift
I have tried all of this but my hair. IDK I can't even get it to detangle. I guess I compare my hair to others too much. But I just feel like I should be able to at least run my fingers through it sometimes.

How often do you deep condition and moisturize? What products do you use? How long is your hair?

Maybe we can help you find ways to make your hair less dry and matted looking.

Have you tried rollersets, twist outs or braid outs?

tiffers

Since I wear a sew-in as my protective style I only deep condition maybe once every month or so. I try moisturizing weekly. This is why I really want to be a ble to wear my own hair out, because I don't feel like I Can care for it efficiently in a weave. My hair just feels so hard and brittle now. I'm not sure how long it is exactly but Some of it does reach my collar bone. Maybe i'll take a picture and PM you. I'm a little too embarrassed to post here.

I just don't think my hair will look right with twist/braid outs. And roller sets either. My edges are super thin and my nape looks like I had a short hair cut recently like i shaved it a whole ago or something. And it just won't grow. So this makes it hard to wear my hair out at all.

 

[MzSwift]

I'm not able to run my fingers through my hair either.
Do you allow your hair to shrink up? I saw major improvement in my hair when I stopped doing that. I have kinky/coily/poofy hair.

Do you use a nozzle bottle to moisturize your hair (more often than weekly) while you're in the weave? My hair would not let me get away with not doing daily moisturizing. Tons of ladies have posted some great weave haircare regimens here and on BHM if you're interested.

 

[Tiye]

Consider sisterlocks or microbraidlocks. You might like them.

 

[tiffers]

growinghealthyhair Now that you're out of the weave, it's essential that you deep condition more.

Have you tried shingling with gel? I think that might work out for you. Shingle and then wear a headband to cover your edges.

Are you currently doing anything to grow your edges? Not too long ago, one spot in my eyebrow (for some unknown reason) just disappeared. It was completely bald. I waited and waited for it to grow back and nothing. So one day, I decided to try massaging castor oil into the spot every night before bed. Just regular ol' dollar store castor oil.

After a week of doing this, little hairs started sprouting. It eventually grew so much, I had to stop using it because TOO much hair was growing there! I would suggest you massage castor oil into your edges and nape every night.

What products do you use to moisturize? My hair was a dry, crunchy mess until finding Qhemet and Marie Dean. They're more expensive, but they're very much worth it and a little goes a long way, so each jar lasts for months.

 

[growinghealthyhair]

I'm not able to run my fingers through my hair either.
Do you allow your hair to shrink up? I saw major improvement in my hair when I stopped doing that. I have kinky/coily/poofy hair.

Do you use a nozzle bottle to moisturize your hair (more often than weekly) while you're in the weave? My hair would not let me get away with not doing daily moisturizing. Tons of ladies have posted some great weave haircare regimens here and on BHM if you're interested.

MzSwift

How can I stop my hair from shrinking?? Thats exactly my problem. Just feels like it's matting up on itself. I just don't understand my hair. Why does our hair have to be so difficult?

growinghealthyhair Now that you're out of the weave, it's essential that you deep condition more.

Have you tried shingling with gel? I think that might work out for you. Shingle and then wear a headband to cover your edges.

Are you currently doing anything to grow your edges? Not too long ago, one spot in my eyebrow (for some unknown reason) just disappeared. It was completely bald. I waited and waited for it to grow back and nothing. So one day, I decided to try massaging castor oil into the spot every night before bed. Just regular ol' dollar store castor oil.

After a week of doing this, little hairs started sprouting. It eventually grew so much, I had to stop using it because TOO much hair was growing there! I would suggest you massage castor oil into your edges and nape every night.

What products do you use to moisturize? My hair was a dry, crunchy mess until finding Qhemet and Marie Dean. They're more expensive, but they're very much worth it and a little goes a long way, so each jar lasts for months.

tiffers

I've never tried shingling. I'm not sure what that is exactly!! I was using castor oil before , I kinda fell off my oils because while in weave, it made the weave greasy which made my face greasy, which caused horrible itchy skin erplexed

My hair is just what you described. A dry crunch mess :-(

I recently purchase Qhemet Olive oil and Honey so I use that to moisturize. I don't really have anything else. Even when I had an arsenal of products, it seemed like I still couldn't style my hair in a way to wear it on it's own. I'm convinced I just have all over scab hair.

 

[growinghealthyhair]

Consider sisterlocks or microbraidlocks. You might like them.

Tiye

Isn't this permanent? Why would you suggest these?

 

[tiffers]

growinghealthyhair There are lots of good Youtube videos on how to shingle natural hair. I think it may be something that can work for you!

For me, the Qhemet Honey Balm works best as a sealant. So you can spray your hair with water or water/glycerin or rosewater... anything, really then seal with the Honey Balm. I also like mixing the Balm with my moisturizers and deep conditioners. It always adds extra moisture and shine. I love it.

Oh! I would also suggest overnight baggying. It's so wonderful. I can't imagine how messed up my hair would be without the nightly boost of moisture.

 

[Darenia]

I have tried all of this but my hair. IDK I can't even get it to detangle. I guess I compare my hair to others too much. But I just feel like I should be able to at least run my fingers through it sometimes.

What are you talking about? Yes, you have been wearing other peoples hair too long. Even if I soak my hair in the silkiest conditioner and drenched it with oil my fingers can't run through it... they might do a slow jog...


Seriously, you may have to give the weaves a rest for the sake of your edges and as said by Tiffers try castor oil and start really conditioning. Even though your hair is still short you may benefit from washing and conditioning in sections.


My DD#1 has the tightest coils I have ever seen and her edges can not take very much tension. I have to detangle it drenched with conditioner and EVOO very slowly and in several sections after every wash or the comb will not go through it. I have stopped allowing her to get a relaxer and I keep it in extensions, braids or twist 95% of the time. She will soon be 17 but has no idea how to care for her own hair. She went from MBL to SL in less than 2 years trying to do what other people do.


I tell you this because it's okay to rely on something (wigs, braids, twist) (as long as it is not damaging) until you get a regimen down or reach your goals. Most importantly don't compare your hair or what it should look like to others hair. The hair on your head is unique to you and it just may take some trial and effort to discover what works for you. Remember it's a hair journey.



HHG!

 

[growinghealthyhair]

tiffers

I will start moisturizing with my rose water. Hopefully this will help. And i'm going to check that out on youtube.

This is what my hair looks like...

tiffers

 

[growinghealthyhair]

:-/ At the bolded. I get where you are going. But that comment has nothing to do with the weaves I wear. I wear kinky stirahgt and kinky curly. I love my hair texture I just don't think my hair should feel tangled and matted when i'm trying to run my fingers through it. And if so, life is just unfair I suppose. I don't like that my hair is this difficult. I guess maybe I don't have the right expectations for my hair?? I look at all of the wonderful pictures you ladies post and most of you do look like you could run your fingers through your hair(and i'm not talking about ladies that have their hair straightened) maybe i'm wrong? lol

Idied @ you saying she went form MBL to shoulder length in two years. I agree. I need to leave the weaves alone. I have been going to Dontspeakdefeat for my weaves and she does an awesome job and doesn't sew-in my edges. But still I want to be a ble to wear my OWN hair out. It's just not fair. I feel like I have some type of alien hair. :-(

Could you explain how you detangled your daughters hair? I think the may be an issue too. I'm always so afraid when i detangle.

Darenia

What are you talking about? Yes, you have been wearing other peoples hair too long. Even if I soak my hair in the silkiest conditioner and drenched it with oil my fingers can't run through it... they might do a slow jog...


Seriously, you may have to give the weaves a rest for the sake of your edges and as said by Tiffers try castor oil and start really conditioning. Even though your hair is still short you may benefit from washing and conditioning in sections.


My DD#1 has the tightest coils I have ever seen and her edges can not take very much tension. I have to detangle it drenched with conditioner and EVOO very slowly and in several sections after every wash or the comb will not go through it. I have stopped allowing her to get a relaxer and I keep it in extensions, braids or twist 95% of the time. She will soon be 17 but has no idea how to care for her own hair. She went from MBL to SL in less than 2 years trying to do what other people do.


I tell you this because it's okay to rely on something (wigs, braids, twist) (as long as it is not damaging) until you get a regimen down or reach your goals. Most importantly don't compare your hair or what it should look like to others hair. The hair on your head is unique to you and it just may take some trial and effort to discover what works for you. Remember it's a hair journey.



HHG!

 

[tiffers]

Even if I soak my hair in the silkiest conditioner and drenched it with oil my fingers can't run through it... they might do a slow jog...

 

[DDTexlaxed]

Have you tried wearing buns? Your hair looks long enough. I wish I could give you more tips, but I am not as good with those. I'm good at cheering others on.

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

OP, I would suggest you stay away from the weaves and wigs. It seems to me that they are giving you a false sense of what your real hair should look like. I don't know any naturals that can run their fingers through their hair, unless it is flat ironed.

A lot of people suffer from dry hair, but don't blame your hair. Blame it on your routine. Time to sit down, write down what you do on a daily/weekly basis and make some adjustments.

You're complaining about it shrinking up. That is the nature of natural hair. It shrinks up, it can be dry, and it can easily tangle. You cant treat your hair like relaxed hair and then expect it to thrive.

If you're experiencing matting, wash your hair in sections. Some of the things that have helped me with moisture are here and here (those are links to my blog just fyi). As for styling, there are a host of youtube videos out there to perfect your styling. It takes practice and sometimes you will be looking a hot mess, believe me, I know!

This board is also a wealth of information. Take advantage of it.

I think a big part of your dislike for your hair comes from expecting it to be something it's not. I went through the same thing when I BC'd because I wanted my hair to be silk soft curls. I never wanted to wear twists. I love them now. I love my hair now. But it took a long road to get here.

Everything above was said with love.

 

[growinghealthyhair]

Have you tried wearing buns? Your hair looks long enough. I wish I could give you more tips, but I am not as good with those. I'm good at cheering others on.

DDTexlaxed
My edges gul!! Otherwise I would love rocking a bun. And thanks for the cheer I love your posts.

 

[growinghealthyhair]

Ladies. My weaves and wigs are not taking over my mind. It has nothing to do with the way i see my hair. Maybe i'm misinformed about natural hair < more than likely thats what it is. This is clearly the case(I'm reading your post as i type) lol.

I guess when I went natural I just expected my hair to be 1000xs better than my relaxed hair. I just felt as though my natural hair should trump relaxed hair without even trying (not saying i don't try because I do). But reading posts here have just showed me I really have the wrong impression.

I guess i just figured my HAM days were over once I stopped relaxing my hair....Sigh..

KCcurly

*hugz* thanks.

OP, I would suggest you stay away from the weaves and wigs. It seems to me that they are giving you a false sense of what your real hair should look like. I don't know any naturals that can run their fingers through their hair, unless it is flat ironed.

A lot of people suffer from dry hair, but don't blame your hair. Blame it on your routine. Time to sit down, write down what you do on a daily/weekly basis and make some adjustments.

You're complaining about it shrinking up. That is the nature of natural hair. It shrinks up, it can be dry, and it can easily tangle. You cant treat your hair like relaxed hair and then expect it to thrive.

If you're experiencing matting, wash your hair in sections. Some of the things that have helped me with moisture are here and here (those are links to my blog just fyi). As for styling, there are a host of youtube videos out there to perfect your styling. It takes practice and sometimes you will be looking a hot mess, believe me, I know!

This board is also a wealth of information. Take advantage of it.

I think a big part of your dislike for your hair comes from expecting it to be something it's not. I went through the same thing when I BC'd because I wanted my hair to be silk soft curls. I never wanted to wear twists. I love them now. I love my hair now. But it took a long road to get here.

Everything above was said with love.

 

[growinghealthyhair]

If my nape and my edges would just stop acting shady, I'd be fine with wearing my hair out. But I'm just too ashamed right now :-( I honestly can't ever remember having nice thick edges. The relaxers robbed me at an early age.

 

[tiffers]

growinghealthyhair Girl, your hair doesn't look bad! It just looks like you need a good deep conditioning. From how you were talking, your hair is past the point of no return!

Really, it looks like with a good moisturizer, it will be so lush and cottony soft.

Try the castor oil out, massage it in for at least two minutes every night and I'm positive that you'll see improvement.

And I think it would be extremely rare to come across a natural head who can easily run their fingers through their dry hair. Is it even possible? That has to be a myth-- an urban legend.

There are products that can make detangling much easier, but to be trying to run a comb through like you're Pokahontas? Nah, son.

But I'll tell you this: Nothing made my hair easier to comb than Tate's Miracle Conditioner. Best. Detangler. EVAR.

 

[Darenia]

I really do hear what you are saying and no it is not fair. Alot of women have hair that is so much easier to manage than others. I have 5 girls (step and biological daughters) and not 1 of them have the same hair texture, thickness or even the same color hair.

I dont do anything special with her hair other than drench it in conditioner and oil and then detangle it from ends to root in sections with a wide tooth comb. But it takes time. It is not something I can do when we are in a hurry. I usually set aside a few hours for her on Saturdays cause her hair tangles so easily and is so thick.

May I ask... are you under any stress latley and are you taking care of yourself health wise? I mean like water intake, vitamins, exercise. I ask because I believe all these contribute to healthy hair.

 

[growinghealthyhair]

I really do hear what you are saying and no it is not fair. Alot of women have hair that is so much easier to manage than others. I have 5 girls (step and biological daughters) and not 1 of them have the same hair texture, thickness or even the same color hair.

I dont do anything special with her hair other than drench it in conditioner and oil and then detangle it from ends to root in sections with a wide tooth comb. But it takes time. It is not something I can do when we are in a hurry. I usually set aside a few hours for her on Saturdays cause her hair tangles so easily and is so thick.

May I ask... are you under any stress latley and are you taking care of yourself health wise? I mean like water intake, vitamins, exercise. I ask because I believe all these contribute to healthy hair.

Darenia
Im starting back up on my nioxin more constantly (have slacked of these past two months or so) but I definitely need to get my water intake up. Some days I don't drink any I recently resigned from my job because they were causing me so much stress (to the point that I had an anxiety attack and passed out).

I just deep conditioned my hair and I will say it does feel a heck of a lot better. I guess there is nothing wrong with my hair. To the OP that said don't blame my hair. You're right...It's me I just thought about how when I bC'd and couldn't get a weave (so i was able to care for my hair daily) it looked soooo different. And thats what had me so extremely hype about how it would be NOW.

 

[growinghealthyhair]

growinghealthyhair Girl, your hair doesn't look bad! It just looks like you need a good deep conditioning. From how you were talking, your hair is past the point of no return!

Really, it looks like with a good moisturizer, it will be so lush and cottony soft.

Try the castor oil out, massage it in for at least two minutes every night and I'm positive that you'll see improvement.

And I think it would be extremely rare to come across a natural head who can easily run their fingers through their dry hair. Is it even possible? That has to be a myth-- an urban legend.

There are products that can make detangling much easier, but to be trying to run a comb through like you're Pokahontas? Nah, son.

But I'll tell you this: Nothing made my hair easier to comb than Tate's Miracle Conditioner. Best. Detangler. EVAR.

tiffers
I felt like my hair was at the point of no return. I guess this all is just so frustrating because i've never ever in life had nice hair I want to be mad at my mom so bad for relaxing my hair but I know she didn't know any better. Just sucks I have to suffer over two decades later.