The Tale of the Last Relaxed Head... (long)

[newbeginnings2010]

Yup, that's me. I knew which of my family members went natural and when they went natural, but after seeing everyone at my baby shower this weekend, I realized....I'm the ONLY relaxed girl left! And I literally mean the ONLY one. My in-laws came into town and they are all natural (hubby has nine sisters, so it's a LOT of people). While they were putting box plaits in my hair (they all grew up natural for many years before becoming relaxed...box plaits in 5 hours! ), they were having discussions about cowashing, moisturizing, and styling (BTW, I think some of them may be lurkers on here by their topics and hair products ) their natural hair. I'm just sitting there in the middle of four of the nine women silently with nothing to contribute.

Then when we all went to my baby shower the next day, I saw my side of my family and my friends and realized...they are all natural too! Not one relaxed lock of hair! The connection between my in-laws, family, and friends was instant because they all had something in common. They all had different hairstyles and types and couldn't wait to share hair tips. I have to admit...I was a lil jealous. I love my relaxed hair because it's easy for me to manage, but everyone (my family and friends) says once you learn to manage natural hair, it takes just as much time and energy as relaxed hair.

Seeing them all working so well with their hair is starting to take away my fear of being natural. I've always been afraid that I'd NEVER learn how to style it properly and I'd walk around in Celie braids for the rest of my life (which is the only natural style I know how to do, hence the braidouts being my only hairstyle during my brief 5 month rendezvous with transitioning back in 2010 ).

I may give transitioning another try anyway since I don't plan on relaxing until after I have the baby and finish breast-feeding, and I want to do that for 9 months. I'm not making any definite plans until February 2013--the scheduled month of my next relaxer. This could just be a phase because of the wealth of natural hair amongst my family and peers, so no final decisions. I don't want to make a decision based on what others are doing and regret it. Until I get to 2013, I'll still officially be calling myself relaxed (which will be interesting with almost a year-and-a-half's worth of NG ).

If anyone has any similar tales, feel free to share! I just wanted to share my tale with the understanding ladies of LHCF!

 

[CurlsBazillion]

Oh wow that's weird everyone was natural but I guess this shows how popular being natural is these days. I say take advantage of the time you'll have for that year+ and learn as much as you can about the versatility of natural hair before you make a decision. Once I learned all that I could do my hair I was more excited and confident about the change. If you prefer straight hair it may not be worth it or you can be a heat trained natural, you have sooo many options. Good Luck either way!!

 

[MyInvisibleChyrsalis]

That's shocking to me. Even the older ladies? Wowzers.

 

[reeko43]

Regardless of the fact that everyone around you may be natural, you still have to do you. It is your hair and you are the one who will have to deal with it daily. If after your hiatus from relaxing you feel you want to go natural, go for it. If you are dying to get a relaxer, do it. You want to be happy with whatever route you choose.

 

[Lynnerie]

I don't want to make a decision based on what others are doing and regret it.

This right here. I went natural a few years ago and all my friends followed suit. ALL. Every last one of them. They came to me for tips and advice and I shared what I knew. Well now I'm relaxed again. My point is do whats best for you at the time. Right now if relaxed is working for you then great! But please don't do it based off the crowd.

I do think its great that people serve as inspiration to others but I wouldn't want anyone to feel bad because they choose to relax.

 

[chitowndcgal]

Your story is interesting and true. The majority of my friends are also natural. However, I have a very strong personality and it hasn't made me even think about going natural. I think it's had the opposite effect actually and I like being different now. A lot of my friends didn't do a good job at taking care of their relaxed tresses and I never envied how their hair looked. lol. I've always thought my relaxed tresses looked better than their relaxed or new natural hair and hairstyles. After finding all of these sites and how to better take care of my relaxed hair, it looks even better and now they are asking me how I have relaxed hair and it looks the way it does. I am more determined to prove and show to them that as long as you take care of your hair and educate yourself, your hair can look good whether relaxed or natural.

 

[newbeginnings2010]

That's shocking to me. Even the older ladies? Wowzers.

Yup, even my mom and godmother, who are both in their 60's.

 

[kinkycurlygurl]

I think it's great that people are open to different styles of beauty now. Once upon a time a woman wouldn't consider being seen in public without straighted hair of some kind. Now, hair texture can be a matter of preference rather than a stick we use to beat ourselves with.

 

[sunnieb]

Awwwww!

First, congrats on your baby!

Secondly, I can't say I know how you feel because I'm also surrounded by naturals, but I'll be derned if I don't jump in the conversion when it turns to hair!

Shooooo, we all use moisturizer, conditioner, shampoo, wide-toothed combs, etc. My natural mom and I swap products all the time.

I might even take my relaxed hair to one of these natural hair shows. Why shouldn't we go? I wanna see some pretty hair too!

I rock braidouts, twistouts, bonelaxed-outs, whatever. Your healthy head of hair speaks volumes! Obviously a relaxer works for you.

If you decide to transition, do it because you want to, not because you're the only relaxed head left.

Oh! Be sure to post pics of your 1 1/2 year newgrowth!

Sent from my Comet using LHCF

 

[danysedai]

/\I was coming to say the same thing! Why can't you join the conversation? Hair tools, moisturizers, oils, rollersets on natural/relaxed hair, heck, you can even hoard info if you do decide to go natural!
I'm relaxed and it works for me. I take care of it and it shows. I admire healthy hair, be it natural, relaxed or texlaxed.
Just as Sunnieb said above, if you decide to go natural do it because YOU want to, not because everyone is doing it.

 

[jessicarabbit]

from reading this, it kiiinnndda sounds like you feel a bit pressured to go natural. If you are completley content and happy with you relaxed hair, i say dont go natural, becuase you'll end up cutting off your hair (after transistioning) and possibly regretting it. What I do, personally, I take care of my relaxed hair as if it was natural, and it is very "healthy". And I actually went natural a year and a half ago and came back over to the dark side lol. Besides, from being on the LHCF, im sure you can talk about hair and stuff just as well as they do, if not better!

 

[MsSanz92]

I feel like that too. It seems like every day or after every break another girl on my campus does the BC. Now granted, I was natural for almost a year and a half before relaxing again last summer (now I am transitioning again, should have just did another BC instead of relaxing; I had color damage from bleaching my hair NEVER again!) I feel like relaxed hair is slowing become "outdated". My mother used to always tell me that the main reason why Black women relaxed their hair at high rates because it was the trend, just like Jerri Curls or Afros but I never really took that to heart completely but she was right! Natural hair is a new trend just like Afros were in the 1970s, but I hope it's one that stays because now we as Black women are finally understanding the beauty of our hair in it's natural state and how to properly take care of it without such the heavy reliance on chemicals.

If you however feel like your relaxed hair is working for you, remain relaxed. The last thing I would want you to do is transition and do a BC and regret it. I always knew that relaxed hair was NOT for me, but for some strange reason I relaxed again on impulse and didn't like it. In addition, I just don't think my hair can handle relaxers I always end up with breakage. The whole 2 years between my transition and natural hair journey I never once had to deal with breakage/shedding but as soon as I relaxed it all came back again. Not everyone wants to deal/can deal with maintaining natural hair which is fine, but if you are willing to give it a shot, then just know that it will be a MUCH different, but enriching and positive experience.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

I have a lot of family members and friends who are natural now. My mom shocked me the most because she was a die hard relaxed head. She's still transitioning, but it's been a little over a year.

Anyway, I do still know a few relaxed heads, but not many. I was very surprised when I went home and found that all of my aunts had BC'd, lol.

My mom is the only one that I actively encouraged to stop relaxing. Anyone else I just answer questions if asked.

 

[CaramelPrincezz]

I can relate. My whole family has pretty much gone natural too. My mother and my little sister. My aunts and most of my cousins. I feel like they all have easier textures to manage than mine though. My mother is about a 3c and my little sister is some 3c/4a. I'm like straight, coarse, thick 4b though. I've been going back and forth with it though. Right now, I'm still relaxed. Just relaxed after a 5.5 month stretch.

 

[Rina88]

It's interesting that so many people seem to have majority 'naturals' in their family and in their circle of friends. It's the opposite for me. I see a lot of naturals here in NY but it seems the majority is still relaxed. Yea being natural seems to be a trend now so if you don't feel like jumping on it then don't just because everyone else around you is.

 

[napbella]

Thats wonderful that they have found what works for them and they love it. And if relaxed works for you -then do you.

 

[newbeginnings2010]

Thanks for all the replies ladies. The idea of learning how to style my natural hair tires me when I think about it. I would eventually like to be natural one day, but I think it will have to wait until I have the time. It took me at least 4 years to learn how to care for my relaxed hair (I think I'm a slow learner). I can't imagine starting that process all over again...tons and tons of hair products, styling tools, youtube and LHCF training threads and videos...I just don't think I'm ready for that again! At least not any time in the next year.

 

[camilla]

It's interesting that so many people seem to have majority 'naturals' in their family and in their circle of friends. It's the opposite for me. I see a lot of naturals here in NY but it seems the majority is still relaxed. Yea being natural seems to be a trend now so if you don't feel like jumping on it then don't just because everyone else around you is.

This^^ in westchester NY MOST are still relaxed I do see it alot more naturals in the NYC I get STRANGE looks when i talk about the idea (of going natural) I am relaxed MBL I wear more flat twist outs than i do straight hair BUT MY hair is THICK and long it would drive me crazy to have to deal with all of this hair While i do like natural and relaxed hair people are like sheep when one goes west so do the rest ....

 

[HoneyDew]

I see so many women with weaves in my area, I have no idea what is under there lol

 

[candy626]

I see a lot of more naturals in North Carolina. But I still see plenty of relaxed heads. It's nice too see more textured heads though. I've debated going natural many times but relaxers still leave my 3c/4a with plenty of texture (more 3c but smoother), it's just more manageable and easier to straighten. I enjoy going back and forth between straight and curly which is what works for me.

Every bandwagon isn't for everyone.