Any naturals relaxed and regretted the decision?

[Kinkyhairlady]

I'm so torn right now. I kind of want to relax because I'm tired of wearing fake hair to look semi presentable. My natural hair is always in a bun and has not grown past shoulder length in over a year. I'm just kind of tired of it. I need to make a decision this week to either relax or continue to work with my natural hair.

 

[Ogoma]

What is the rush? Why must you make the decision this week? I think this is one of those things you are just going to have to take the plunge and do it. If you regret it, you start over.

 

[BronzyBella]

I feel you. I've been through the same thing. I even convinced myself at one point that because my natural hair was so much work, once I went relaxed again, I'd be better able to style my hair.

I've been in extensions on and off since then. I find that twists on your own hair aren't so bad as far as looking presentable, especially since they're easy to make updos out of, bun, etc.

With the relaxer, I hated feeling like a slave to someone else (whoever was doing my hair every 8 weeks) and I hated the idea of harsh chemical exposure. Can't say if I would really go back.

 

[SimJam]

I agree with oogma, why the rush?
in any case, do whatever will work best for you.

For me going natural this time was a progression, to living a more natural and healthy life from what I put in and on my body, cleaning products, even changed out my car, so even when I wasnt feeling my natural hair, relaxing really wasnt an option. Id gone natural twice before, but wasnt really committed to it either way.

If you havnt retained any length for a whole year, then you need to re assess your regimen and get your health checked out. and this would apply if your'e relaxed or natural.

 

[AtlantaJJ]

I was considering texlaxing about 3 months ago. I am so glad I didn't because I finally found a reggie that is working for my natural hair and I am loving it. It's also easier for me to style my hair now that its getting longer. Sooooo glad I don't have to deal with two textures. That's a nightmare in my opinion.

 

[fasika]

I was relaxed years ago, then in 2006 I started transitioning to natural, BC in 2007 and stayed natural until December 2008. Then I relaxed . I've been trying to go back to natural ever since, I'm currently transitioning. I regret having relaxed back then. I regretted it within weeks.

 

[southerncitygirl]

Kinkyhairlady

how long is your hair and what is your reggie? what products do you use?


AtlantaJJ happy holidays and winter solstice to ya!

 

[PinkGirlFluff]

I did a big chop many moons ago. I didn't know what I was doing so I got frustrated and relaxed. At the time I didn't regret it. It just wasn't the right time. I wasn't mentally prepared. I didn't know about all the resources available to me for help.

Two years ago when I did the big chop again I had all the right learning tools. I was more confident in myself as a woman. I was set on embracing my new look no matter what. I didn't care about length at all. I'm in an awkward stage length so I bun and I'm done or I twist and create chic updos. When I got bored with my hair I dyed it and I haven't been bored since. Sometimes you have to find ways to spice up your hair to keep the love going. Just like a relationship. You probably just need some spice chile!

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

Kinkyhairlady

how long is your hair and what is your reggie? what products do you use?


AtlantaJJ happy holidays and winter solstice to ya!

My hair is about shoulder length. I barely do anything with it but braid it and put it under a wig yet its still short. smh. My hair thrived when it was relaxed until i went to a hairdresser who jacked up my progress and at that point I decided to chop it off. Now I know a good hairdresser who has straighten my hair and I like her so I was going to have her do the relaxer. like many i have been trying to live a more natural life with products and foods i eat but I don't know what to do with my hair. I feel unattractive when I wear it out in a bun. it only looks cute if I have a twist out but that does not last me very long. It gets super tangled and I lose hair that way as well. As I type this my hair has not been washed in like 3 weeks just because I don't feel like dealing with it. It's rough and a hot tangle mess!

 

[HoneyA]

I went natural years ago and then permed my hair. I didn't regret it at the time because I had no clue how to care for it and ended up frustrated. This was in 2003, way before I found LHCF. Since you are still torn, why not reassess your regimen and see why you haven't been retaining length? Your hair is growing so there must be a reason you are not retaining even though it's always in a PS. Figure that out and maybe you'll be more encouraged to keep working with your hair. If you really have had enough, then relax but you'll still have to figure out why you are not retaining length.

 

[HoneyA]

My hair is about shoulder length. I barely do anything with it but braid it and put it under a wig yet its still short. smh. My hair thrived when it was relaxed until i went to a hairdresser who jacked up my progress and at that point I decided to chop it off. Now I know a good hairdresser who has straighten my hair and I like her so I was going to have her do the relaxer. like many i have been trying to live a more natural life with products and foods i eat but I don't know what to do with my hair. I feel unattractive when I wear it out in a bun. it only looks cute if I have a twist out but that does not last me very long. It gets super tangled and I lose hair that way as well. As I type this my hair has not been washed in like 3 weeks just because I don't feel like dealing with it. It's rough and a hot tangle mess!

Do you think that you are moisturising enough?

If you feel cute in a twist out, rock the hell out of braid outs and twist outs! There are products to make the hold last longer and your hair should be free of tangles this way.

 

[Lucie]

No. I love it. When I miss my natural, I will just shave it off again and be natural. I like being able to flip-flop.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

No. I love it. When I miss my natural, I will just shave it off again and be natural. I like being able to flip-flop.

Lucie

Lucie its so funny you posted here cause I was thinking about your hair but I did not get around asking if you were still natural. I noticed it was straight but thought maybe you straighten it with a flat iron. Your hair was beautiful either way though. Mine is just crazy at this point.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

Do you think that you are moisturising enough?

If you feel cute in a twist out, rock the hell out of braid outs and twist outs! There are products to make the hold last longer and your hair should be free of tangles this way.

The twistout only last for like a day or two. Due to my schedule working 40 hours and going to school fulltime I don't have the time to retwist and untwist in the mornings. I know folks hate hearing this but truthfully 4b/a naturals have it the toughest. There is no way you can compare the manageability with someone who is 3 anything. I wish I could just jump in the shower and do a wash and go but nope I can't I admire natural 4a hair that is well maintained I just can't get mine to look good.

 

[fatimablush]

i texlaxed in nov.

i hate it..my scalp has never been sooooooooooo irritated and it did not take at all..

 

[Napp]

i relaxed last year. i loved it while it lasted. i did not like the maintenance. so I had my fun and am going back to natural.

I would suggest trying more styles before relaxing(including straight haired ones). it sounds like you just are in a style rut and you don't need to relax to overcome that.

 

[FlightsWifey]

I have 4a hair that has finally reached brastrap. Im very busy with 3 kids and being an educator so I have those moments where I wish I Could go back to a dubee. It sounds like you haven't really taken the time to learn your hair. You said you wear wigs a lot. You have to experiment with your hair and take the time to learn what it likes. Right now i wash every 2 to 3 weeks and all i wear are twistouts and buns because I dont know how to style but it works and I get lots of compliments.

You also have to change your mindset about what's beautiful. Accepting your natural hair takes time and work. I still struggle with seeing my hair as beautuful. Truly take the time to find what works for you before you make a major decision.

Btw... I was only at shoulder length after a year, so it seems like your on the right track.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

Also one thing that annoys me about being natural is that the salon services are so expensive. I could probably stick to it if getting my hair done did not cost an arm and a leg just for some twist or even a flat iron. Relaxed I would pay a lot to get a touch up yes but for my wash and sets it'd be $30 every 2 weeks and that helped me retain alot cause someone else was handling my hair. I rarely did my own rollersets my hair just seemed to thrive when someone else was caring for it but it had to be someone good cause I had my share of evil hairdressers.

 

[geejay]

Also one thing that annoys me about being natural is that the salon services are so expensive. I could probably stick to it if getting my hair done did not cost an arm and a leg just for some twist or even a flat iron.

So you don't do your own twists? How do you maintain your hair at night? I ask because for me, learning how to prep my hair for bed was the key to getting my hair to last 3-4 days before needing to be reset.

I really believe that if you want to relax, you totally should. Do what is best for you and what makes you feel good and enjoy life. But if the problem is just getting a better handle on maintenance, there are definitely ways to make natural hair less frustrating.

 

[Ogoma]

I think you should do it; If you don't like it start over. It seems you are leaning that way and trying to convince yourself otherwise. Of all the difficult decisions one has to make in this life, I don't think you should make your hair style one of them.

 

[HoneyA]

The twistout only last for like a day or two. Due to my schedule working 40 hours and going to school fulltime I don't have the time to retwist and untwist in the mornings. I know folks hate hearing this but truthfully 4b/a naturals have it the toughest. There is no way you can compare the manageability with someone who is 3 anything. I wish I could just jump in the shower and do a wash and go but nope I can't I admire natural 4a hair that is well maintained I just can't get mine to look good.

Yep, it sounds like you have a full plate. I can't do a wash and go either, maybe I'll try again when my hair gets longer.

Well if you really can't find a solution, just relax or texlax. There's nothing wrong with that. You just have to be ok with the decision but right now it sounds as though you think that you may regret it. If that is the case, hold off for now and keep it flat ironed and moisturise with a light cream. If you are ok with it, make an appointment with your stylist and relax.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

So you don't do your own twists? How do you maintain your hair at night? I ask because for me, learning how to prep my hair for bed was the key to getting my hair to last 3-4 days before needing to be reset.

I really believe that if you want to relax, you totally should. Do what is best for you and what makes you feel good and enjoy life. But if the problem is just getting a better handle on maintenance, there are definitely ways to make natural hair less frustrating.

I have done my own twist but they turn out wack. They look way better if done professionally. i try my best but when I do my hair I can tell its not at its best. some people have the talent to style and others don't.

 

[chrisanddonniesmommy]

Do you have any professional (and I stress that descriptor) stylists that specialize in natural hair? If you do, treat yourself to an appointment.

 

[geejay]

I have done my own twist but they turn out wack. They look way better if done professionally. i try my best but when I do my hair I can tell its not at its best. some people have the talent to style and others don't.

I understand. I was asking only to understand better what you're going through. If you rely on a salon, then it makes a lot of sense that their services for relaxed hair are going to be cheaper and easier to access.

I found that gently and carefully putting my twist outs into two french braids at night worked better for me than a pineapple at preserving the style. The trick was to go slow and pull from the bottom to keep from separating the clumps by accident.

I didn't intend to come into the thread and convince you that your natural hair is easy and you're just not doing it right. So if it came off like that, really sorry. I just remember how frustrated I was when my tragic twist outs looked even more shameful the next day because I couldn't figure out how not to crush all the curl. So sometimes there are little tricks that make things easier and less frustrating, and if so, yay. But what you are experiencing may just be a situation where natural hair is not the right answer for your life at this time and if so, there's a solution, which is to relax and utilize the many healthy hair practices which will give you to results you want, so yay.

Anyway, it's your journey, whatever you decide, it will work out

 

[daydreem2876]

I just straighten my hair when being natural becomes too much. I have finally got a good method, good tools, a good reggie and pretty good at doing it myself. The bottom line is no matter what you do, you have to take care of your hair no matter what state its in. Realistically, it takes just as much time. If I spend 2 1/2 hours to straighten (relaxed or not) it and 10min to style it daily or 15-30 to do it daily when its not straight... over the course of a week its still the same amout of time.

 

[DarkJoy]

If you are still SL, I wonder about your trimming and dusting schedule. When my hair seems to stall (in the past) it was due to not dusting every couple months.

To anser the OP, Yes, I regretted it. This was around 7 years ago. I went back from braids thinking I could handle the creamy crack again after being in micros a couple years.

After the first TU, I realized I was once again slave to the salon and my new growth:

• I hated wondering every time she rinsed the relaxer out, if this was the time my hair was going to wash down the sink with it.
• I hated the burning and scalp scabs.
• I hated how my scalp was red and raw for nearly a week after a TU.
• I hated how my hair always broke at the demarcation line when I stretched longer than 2 months.
• I hated that constant struggle with over and under processing.
• I hated the constant need of expensive hard protein.
• I hated that my hair appeared so dang thin and fine and whispy (curse of fine relaxed hair).
• I hated trying to wrap my hair every night.
• I hated bumping the ends all the time because fine hair cant hold a curl when straightt

I pretty much hated the whole process of being a chemical head.

Even though figuring out how to take care of this natural hair is an uphill climb, it's way better than dealing with the relaxer.

 

[Babygrowth]

I do not. I actually wish I did it sooner. I couldn't handle my hair. I am the type who needs a professional to do my hair and I couldn't afford it. Youtube just made things worse. My hair was flourishing until I hopped on the transitioning bandwagon. I'm more educated now so in the future if I get bored I may try it again but for right now

 

[CountryBumpkin]

Well, I came to this thread to talk about the one time I went back to the relaxer and regretted it and went natural again, whacking off all my hair and have been natural ever since.

But, I am a 3c, and I really dislike when other textures are compared to my hair. 3-whatever doesn't automatically equate to ease, that's a tired myth. I had a fade for a while, and once my hair got to about neck length, I locked that mess up. i couldn't deal with the constant retwisting either. There was no WAY wash and goes were going to work with my hair and scalp.

It is possible to express your difficulties with your hair without comparing it to anyone else's.

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate, and I hope you find what's best for you. I think it's a matter of finding the right style that works for you, be it relaxed or natural. A style you can do yourself, perhaps, and not have to pay someone else a whole crapload of $$$ or time to have done. Feeling good in that style is important, too, and with natural hair, it can take a little bit of trial and error to find that perfect go-to style that you feel good in. Maybe you're just not in a place where you can spend time looking for your perfect feel-good go-to natural style to get you through the hump, and that's ok. That's why I went back to the relaxer when i did. It was easier to know what styles I felt good in when relaxed, because I was use to it, and I hadn't explored the natural realm yet, and didn't have the time to at the time and, I was in a mental place where I really needed to feel good in something.

Maybe you'll go back to being natural when you're ready, or maybe natural is not for you. I just know that I use to have long natural hair, long straightened hair (relaxed AND nonrelaxed-pressed) AND now i'm on my way to having long locs. Long hair is a lot of work to me, regardless. (I personally find locs to be a tad bit easier than the rest, though ,which is why I have locs now. ) Maybe one of those options will be a little easier on you than the others, and you'll never know until you go through the trial and error of finding what works best for you. I wish you the best.

 

[Danewshe]

This is the third and final time I've gone natural. All the other times before, I gave in to the creamy-crack and regretted it almost as soon as I rinsed it out or my hair. I don't know what your relaxed hair is like, but for me, I know I could never go back to being relaxed due to the damage it caused.

Have you tried wearing wigs or braids as a ps?

 

[CountryBumpkin]

One more thing: Have you explored youtube for different style options? My twists use to come out whack too, then I went to youtube and discovered a different way to do them, and they came out looking a lot better. Or either, you might find some other styles you might be interested in trying. Just an option to look into (if you haven't already) before making a definite decision.