ARE WE GETTING OFF TRACK? relaxed vs naturals etc.

[Prettyeyes]

It seems as if the focus is becoming less about LONG HAIR and GROWTH and more about relaxed vs natural or BC or transitions. I LOVE all these subjects but I want to focus on LONG HAIR and GROWTH. I have goals to reach. I will be inspired by long hair no matter if they are relaxed ,natural or transitioning.I'm here for PICS, progress and help and to be helpful

 

[lilsparkle825]

i know right. i have noticed a lot more threads lately where relaxed people are on the defensive cause they feel like the last of a dying breed... i love you guys! dont be afraid! of course i cant relate to stretching or what kind of relaxer to use, but lets have a discussion about cowashing and babying those ends!

 

[Supergirl]

I don't feel like we've gotten off track. The opinions of a few don't represent the masses.

 

[me-T]

i feel like everybody's makin changes, lookin for support. of course at the end of the day, we're all tryin to grow. but i feel like all the textures can help each other. cause i know if a natural finds a moisturizer that helps them detangle some wl 4z in 10min, i'm definately poundin the pavement to go look for it!

 

[AwesomelyNappy]

i've noticed this as well...

I want to grow my hair LONG, LONG, LONG, and i want to do it in the shortest time possible! I feel like in order to do so, i have to have the healthiest hair possible, and I have to be happy with it's state (be it natural, transitioning, or relaxed). That means (for me) learning to adjust to being natural, learning how to care for it etc. I've always thought that the flux of natural, transitions and relaxed threads were just some ways that people were aquiring info to better care for their hair... thus making it grow longer, in the shortest, and healthiest way possible.

Also, with the warm weather, it seems as though this is the season of the BC. Many who recently bc'ed, thinking about bc, or are transitioning just need some support, advice, opinions etc. Its hard to adjust to newfound texture in the heat, (at least it is for me), so i see why there are so many threads about this.

 

[Mom23]

i've noticed this as well...

I want to grow my hair LONG, LONG, LONG, and i want to do it in the shortest time possible! I feel like in order to do so, i have to have the healthiest hair possible, and I have to be happy with it's state (be it natural, transitioning, or relaxed). That means (for me) learning to adjust to being natural, learning how to care for it etc. I've always thought that the flux of natural, transitions and relaxed threads were just some ways that people were aquiring info to better care for their hair... thus making it grow longer, in the shortest, and healthiest way possible.

Also, with the warm weather, it seems as though this is the season of the BC. Many who recently bc'ed, thinking about bc, or are transitioning just need some support, advice, opinions etc. Its hard to adjust to newfound texture in the heat, (at least it is for me), so i see why there are so many threads about this.

I agree...we are all here to learn about better hair care and growing and maintaining our hair in the best way possible. Relaxed or natural...

 

[Neith]

I do get bad vibes here fairly often.

There are just as many "anti natural" vibes as there are "anti relaxed" vibes.

It's just human nature. Unfortunate, but very easy to see sometimes.

People love to sort themselves out just like laundry.

Even on a board full of women of color with heavily textured hair who have the desire to keep their hair healthy... we find SOMETHING to make us separate. Whether it be hair type or hair style.

Which if you think about it is so ridiculous. Our hair journeys are much more alike than they are different.

There also seems to be a "If you don't do what I do, then something is wrong with you" mentality with both groups also.

 

[leeshbeesh]

I agree with the all of points each poster presented. I also think that with education and attaining a lot of growth many people sometimes decide to transition. So I guess with the growth people then turn to many other topics concerning their "new hair"

 

[DeepBluSea]

i know right. i have noticed a lot more threads lately where relaxed people are on the defensive cause they feel like the last of a dying breed... i love you guys! dont be afraid! of course i cant relate to stretching or what kind of relaxer to use, but lets have a discussion about cowashing and babying those ends!

I agree. Listen, I think natural hair is the most beautifulliest thing in the world. I don't think I need to straighten my hair in order for it to be polished and lovely. But I'm not going to reach through my computer screen to take flat irons and relaxers. Saying do you is getting played out as well. How many more times can you tell someone to be themselves?

I never thought I would say this since I wear my heart on my sleeve, but people are being too dang on sensitive. People say all our welcomed on this site, but it's beginning to feel quite hostile. Actually, there have been numerous threads asking for a separate natural forum because people were having trouble finding info. The site creators told naturals to be more proactive in asking questions because they would not break up the site. So, there you have it. Anywho, I have a self-imposed "natural vs relaxed" thread strike because I have figured out that no matter what you say someone will take it the wrong way! I'm just going to look at the pretty pictures.

Signed "I'm not a nappy nazi, just a natural enthusiast"

 

[Mook's hair]

I don't really think we are off track. And I don't see the need for segregation.
I will say that this transitioning process is very taxing. I have a thirst for knowlege and info right now from other transitioners and those who have the experience of being natural.

I do still try to offer advice to relaxed ladies based on what I was doing when I was fully relaxed and when I was doing long stretches because even when I had a relaxer regularly I was on the grow and my hair health & length was improving.

I know that as a long term transitioner I have gone through 2 phases where I decided to completely avoid looking at photos of relaxed hair and reading info about relaxing trends because it was causing me a great deal of temptation to start relaxing my hair again and messing with my mental fortitude. I don't have a problem with relaxed hair; sooooo many of the ladies have such beautiful long relaxed hair.

Lately my focus has been on threads that deal with transitioning and Naturals who regularly straighten their hair because I have poor air drying results and I want enough knowledge to be able to blow dry and or flat iron my hair without damaging my tresses.

There is soooo much information in here. Sometimes I wonder if someone came in here with pictures and proof that Cat pee made their hair growth rate increase. How many people would try it?

 

[ladylibra]

i mean dang, where i live naturals are few and far between. it doesn't make me insecure about my decision - i made my decision for ME! why would relaxed-haired women think they're part of a "dying breed" just because other women are going natural? does that mean all of us here are part of a "dying breed" because we value long healthy hair and just stylish hair?

as far as the sensitivity thing... i don't know what to say about that. in another thread, a natural had mentioned she was kind of unhappy with her hair and when i told her it always looked good from what i see in her Fotki, her reply was that she was kind of over it and felt her hair neve really looks "on point" like she wants it to. now i suppose i could've gotten offended and assumed she was saying natural hair is unkempt and she was saying i look like a hot mess or whatever other conclusions people jump to when they hear something like this. i can see how someone might FIND that offensive, but i don't think it was at all. then on the other hand, a thread is started about women who went natural as a fad and don't really have these advanced hair care techniques that LHCFers do, but are still managing to grow their hair out, and at the idea of having the same hair length as them the OP says "i ain't havin that!" yeah, i found that offensive even though she put a disclaimer at the beginning of her post that she hoped no one got offended. i got over it a few minutes later because you know what? that mindset ain't hurtin me. the only thing i feel i have to "prove" with my natural hair is that it is one of many ways to wear your hair. i don't care if i can't grow it any longer than BSL and other women are relaxing their hair and reaching tailbone length. good for them, seriously! i'm just happy their hair is healthy.

i'm gonna shut up now, supposed to be getting ready for work anyway

 

[Neith]

I don't see why there HAS to be a divide between the two.

" no, it's better for relaxed members and naturals to help their own"

WHY?

Both natural hair and relaxed hair (and anything in between) needs special care.

We should all share. Not trying to sing kumbaya here , but honestly... our hair needs the same sort of care.

A natural may have a harder time detangling, a relaxed head may need more protein... but we use a lot of the SAME techniques and use the SAME products.

If you took a good, well rounded regimen of a natural and used it for someone relaxed (and vice versa) the person would have healthy hair 99% of the time.

I find that it's a self imposed divide NOT truly based on just the hair.

 

[Highly Favored8]

With all things everything takes time! When I first started on my hair I truly and humbly drew inspriation from Kinikakes, TLC1020, Machieamour, Zanna, PrettyEyes, Mooks Hair. I see what they do to their hair and go from there. I used to have my relaxers done every 6, 8 weeks now I wait every 3 months in 2009 I may go to every 6 months. My goal is to stop relaxing by 2010! If relaxers like every thing else keeps going up. I will just go natural ! or just K.I.S.S. I do not think we are getting off track I just think it is more or so with changes from within!

 

[NikStarrr]

Nope. I think things are fine. There is something here for everyone.

 

[Nonie]

I don't think we're off track. Been on this forum since 2003 and the only difference I've noticed is we've had a more people jumping ship than in the past: naturals texturizing, and relaxed folks transitioning. But I feel we're still all living in the harmony we've always lived in (Or did I miss something?).

In the past, there were not many naturals or threads about caring for natural hair--not as many as there were topics for relaxed hair anyway--yet I've never longed for a separate forum and never understood why people felt the need for a separate forum for naturals. I've been natural all this time, and I've enjoyed us all being in the same place and I still do.

I think we're still on track. Someone started a thread asking for progress pics only so that comments would not interfere with the smooth series of pics (I'll find the link if you didn't see it). Also, I haven't come to the forum any day lately and not seen a thread celebrating a milestone someone's reached. And from what I've seen, most of the changes people make or plan to make are because they feel they'll do better at growing their hair long that way. So as far as growing long, healthy hair being the focus, I don't think that has changed at all for 99% of the members here.

 

[Harmony0221]

I can understand being newly natural or newly relaxed or trying to reach a certain goal and only wanting to read treads about those topics to keep you on track like Mook stated. That's a valid reason for personally seperating yourself but why make it into a board wide issue? (no one in general) I am glad this thread was created because I was starting to wonder how many more natural v.s. relaxed or natural only relaxed only texlax vs relax threads I was going to have to look @! How do we expect to have a black president and we can't even keep it together on a hair board?! But seriously many people try to be like us, dress like US, talk like US, tan so they can look like us then turn around and discrimnate on us , . But we are the only ones with this swagg and We are the only people with this type of hair! so can all the naturals/ transitioners, BCers and all the relaxed/ texlaxed, bonedlaxed, Jackedlaxed get in on a group hug PUH LEZZZZE??

 

[MAMATO]

Honestly I don't get that segregation either.

I am relaxed and my sister is natural and we've been sharing hair tips for so long. We never felt the need to raise discussions such as natural vs relaxed, healthy hair vs jacked up hair... Words such as creamy crack, soul search, ignorance, assimilation never came out of our mouths. iRL, it is only a personal choice. But we both have very healthy hair.

I grew up in Haiti, and most of the women are natural and some are relaxed. Being natural for them is only a way to be, nothing to do with a soul search or anything. Guess what, I've witnessed very UNHEALTHY HAIR on both sides, so I am always confused with the parallel between healthy hair and natural hair. It is not true at least overthere. The ones that have healthy hair are those taking great care of their hair PERIOD... whether the hair is relaxed or natural.

I see that whole natural vs relaxed thing like some religious clans. Some members of my family are catholics and some are baptists. There have been so many discussions on both clans about which religion is the best... Gosh, I am thinking, nobody knows the TRUTH at the end of the road. From what I know nobody came back from heaven with some live directions from God. So why bother changing religion though, just be good with your neighboor, pray and wait till your expiration date comes to its end and... you'll see. But if you've been acting bad your whole life, been drinking, been playing people, been feeling lately like you've lost your soul and the control of your life... and you think that only a conversion to one or the religion would save you, so go for it. At the end of the road, it is all about you, your happiness, and your desire to share it with your neighboor that count.

Clans, segregations, separatisms are only in our minds. If we open our eyes, we'll find out that down the road, we're all looking for the same thing: healthy hair, happiness and hanging together thightly united to learn from each other.

 

[Nonie]

Aha! No wonder I'm out of the loop. I have selective vision. Believe it or not, I seem to have a natural aversion to threads that seem like they could turn controversial. I have gotten so good at ignoring threads that I don't feel will help me in anyway that I swear I don't see them.

I normally miss threads in other forums coz I only visit a handful of forums on this board, but I was so tickled to find that there was a discussion that went on yesterday--all 21 pages of it--right under my nose on here. And I swear I didn't even see it. I only found the thread coz someone asked me something about it--and of course I know nothing about OCT or MT because again my selective vision never picked on discussions about this (I'm embarrassed to say I had no clue what it was despite the numerous mention of it). The reason for that is I'm happy with my simple regimen that I can't be bothered to try anything new or change anything. So that's why I had no clue there are relaxed vs natural threads coz *shrug* I guess I was reading something else. Actually I tell a lie, I've seen one or two, but I didn't stop to visit the thread coz other more interesting discussions tickled my fancy.

Maybe the reason I don't find myself missing "the good ol' days" is because I never open threads that might rock my boat so to me the same threads I enjoyed are the same threads I enjoy today. As Isis would say, "I allow only that which is good into my life." Or at least I try. Plus I have come a long way in learning to minimize the time I spend on forums that I am not about to let myself slip back into the obsession I used to have of trying to read every page of every thread. If a thread is about 816868684 pages long, I'll probably read page 1 and randomly another page and last page and move on. I'm lazy like that.

 

[Christa438]

I don't feel like we've gotten off track. The opinions of a few don't represent the masses.

ITA! Unfortunately there will always be a few ... but I believe most of us are here because we either want to have/ want to maintain long healthy hair. Luckily i've only known of a couple of naturals that I wish would come back down to earth: it's good your hair is beautiful and healthy but you do you and let others do them without you being rude and acting all superior - no need to belittle anyone. and Luckily compared to the majority of relaxers, I've only seen a few relaxers acting insecure/intimidated by "all the naturals threads." It doesn't matter, we can all support each other and show each other (hair) love. Im so at home on this board, I be up in all threads. It could say "Naturals get in here," I be up in there, may not post (except to compliment) but I be in there. It could say "Calling all Bone-straight Honies," I know I aint a bone straight honey lol but I bet I be up in there. I just love seeing beautiful hair and I love variety!

 

[Aggie]

i know right. i have noticed a lot more threads lately where relaxed people are on the defensive cause they feel like the last of a dying breed... i love you guys! dont be afraid! of course i cant relate to stretching or what kind of relaxer to use, but lets have a discussion about cowashing and babying those ends!

That's only becasue we're always being attacked, but like someone just told me, that's just the way the cookie crumbles.

 

[Aggie]

It seems as if the focus is becoming less about LONG HAIR and GROWTH and more about relaxed vs natural or BC or transitions. I LOVE all these subjects but I want to focus on LONG HAIR and GROWTH. I have goals to reach. I will be inspired by long hair no matter if they are relaxed ,natural or transitioning.I'm here for PICS, progress and help and to be helpful

Totally agree wiht the bolded but I can't say that I like these types of topics because I don't, they bring out the animal in most of us. Just check out past thread on these subjects as they have almost all gone awry.

In any case I feel that when I first joined the board that many relaxed and natural heads got along really well and all of a sudden there seemed to come about this great divide and it made me very sad to see that. I thought that this site catered equally to both and I'm sure you can imagine my disappointment when I realized that the comraderie turned to be not totally but somewhat superficial.

I want the old LHCF back - where love, respect and support were paramount among the members no matter what their personal hair preferences are. So hopefully it's just a phase and we will get back together again like before if we ALL work together rather than apart.

 

[QT]

I guess this question is geared towards the vets. The reason I say this is b/c being new to LHCF the info I have received so far has helped me tremendously. IMO most natural and relaxed ladies have a goal they are trying to reach, and for me it’s healthy hair. One common technique that seems to be universal is the cowashing method. It may seem segregated b/c the hair type/ texture are different so natural will have to seek out what works for them same as relaxed. However I have seen countless members seeking info for fam, friends, coworker etc…. even if that is not per se’ their category.

 

[Aggie]

I don't see why there HAS to be a divide between the two.

" no, it's better for relaxed members and naturals to help their own"

WHY?

Both natural hair and relaxed hair (and anything in between) needs special care.

We should all share. Not trying to sing kumbaya here , but honestly... our hair needs the same sort of care.

A natural may have a harder time detangling, a relaxed head may need more protein... but we use a lot of the SAME techniques and use the SAME products.

If you took a good, well rounded regimen of a natural and used it for someone relaxed (and vice versa) the person would have healthy hair 99% of the time.

I find that it's a self imposed divide NOT truly based on just the hair.

Yes, I could not have said this better myself. Weel said Neith.

 

[Riverwalk]

I don't think we're off track. Been on this forum since 2003 and the only difference I've noticed is we've had a more people jumping ship than in the past: naturals texturizing, and relaxed folks transitioning. But I feel we're still all living in the harmony we've always lived in (Or did I miss something?).

In the past, there were not many naturals or threads about caring for natural hair--not as many as there were topics for relaxed hair anyway--yet I've never longed for a separate forum and never understood why people felt the need for a separate forum for naturals. I've been natural all this time, and I've enjoyed us all being in the same place and I still do.

I think we're still on track. Someone started a thread asking for progress pics only so that comments would not interfere with the smooth series of pics (I'll find the link if you didn't see it). Also, I haven't come to the forum any day lately and not seen a thread celebrating a milestone someone's reached. And from what I've seen, most of the changes people make or plan to make are because they feel they'll do better at growing their hair long that way. So as far as growing long, healthy hair being the focus, I don't think that has changed at all for 99% of the members here.

I agree with the above. I don't think we are off track at all.

I have been here a while too. Like Nonie stated, even in 2004, there were not a lot of naturals nor were their very many threads on naturals. I have also also been natural for 3 years.

Honestly, if there is a noticed division between the two, it is not because one group thinks another group is better than another, it is just because the type of care for a natural head is different for a relaxed head --- plain and simple. There are just certain things I can't do as a natural that someone that has a relaxer can, and vice-versa. It really helps when doing a search to narrow in on somethings that may be helpful for my hair state.

 

[caribgirl]

I don't think we are getting off track at all. Our long term goal is to have healthy, thick, and longer hair.

Now, I'm relaxed but since I joined this site, I'm reaping the benefits of stretching my relaxers. I'm learning from the transitioners and naturals, what my ng may need- now that I have more of it .

My relaxed sisters show me how to maintain chemically-treated hair as they progress in their journey .

SO I learn from everyone and I love the information that I get from all of you hair growing divas !

 

[ajoyfuljoy]

I don't feel like we've gotten off track. The opinions of a few don't represent the masses.

I don't want to say we are off track either, but I do feel like the board is kind of segregated now a days. But I think we co-exist nicely.

I'm relaxed (sometimes think about transitioning) and I do feel like a dying breed sometimes.

(just my opinion) I also sometimes think that the whole natural focus on the board is a trend (since I've been on the board I've noticed several "trends", the biggest ones being dominican, ayurvedic, and a focus on natural hair, and for lack of a better word that's what I'm calling this current phase).

Some of the ladies who have BCed might go back to relaxers after being natural gets old for them. Some ladies will find that they like their natural hair more than their relaxed hair and they will stick with being natural. For them it isn't a "trend" but a lifestyle change.

Everyone has their own personal choices and I hope that people do what is best for them. I personally am concerned that if I went natural it might be like a "trend" for me and maybe not necessarily something I would stick with long-term, but then again I might. Who knows?

But I still get tips from the natural ladies too and I love to visit other natural hair forums, that whole glycerin/aloe vera combo is the best thing since sliced bread! I'd say that it's the best thing I've started doing for my hair this year and I know most naturals use that.

So even though I am a relaxed head that seems to be a minority on this board at the moment, I go into relaxed, natural and texlaxed threads cuz I love learning, I love natural/relaxed/texlaxed/"loc"ed/ex-laxed hair. It's all about options ladies. And more than any other race we definitely have those!

 

[fluffylocks]

I think its like a majority vs. minorty thing, or "powershift" or something.

I think it's also because people are so proud to be natural, and usually when people go natural they have alot of reasons why they dont like relaxers anymore or decided to stop using them, and they have the "finally natural" "natural and proud" ect. in the siggys. (nothing wrong with that )

When the majority of people were relaxed, it may have been more comfotable for the minority people with natural hair because no-one is saying "relaxed and proud", "natural hair/products are declining yay!" ect.

Also, it may feel like people are leaving your "team" when they go natural. Because even though it may be backwards, most people are relaxed, and this is their first time leaving relaxers.

And i think that if like 90% of the board were natural, and in a couple of years the majorty started relaxnig and were really happy about it, then the same feelings may come up again because relaxed isnt the "normal" anymore, natural is.


ETA---Also wanted to add that natural hair can never be a fad, but relaxers could be a fad thats dying off and that can be something that causes worry.

 

[DivaD04]

I don't want to say we are off track either, but I do feel like the board is kind of segregated now a days. But I think we co-exist nicely.

I'm relaxed (sometimes think about transitioning) and I do feel like a dying breed sometimes.

(just my opinion) I also sometimes think that the whole natural focus on the board is a trend and that a some of the ladies who have BCed might go back to relaxers after being natural gets old for them.

But I still get tips from the natural ladies too, that whole glycerin/aloe vera combo is the best thing since sliced bread!

I'm going back to creamy crack...but my reason isn't b/c it's a fad, when I shaved...clippered it all off, my hair was easy and i was personally in love. my 4b is supppppper thick and i start sweating when it's time to do anything to it. so i don't see it as a fad but realistically find it a big challenge not to mention my snapps aren't retaining and um, i'm trying to keep what i grow, and i can easily do that w/ a laxer.

ETA: I've been on cream for 20yrs, that's a long time. it really does feel good to know that i can give it up if i wanted to. it took alot just to go 6mths w/o a laxer, ah not to mention cutting off the laxer. but i don't think one's focus should be whether i'm down for the natral crew or the relaxed crew, but on the lhcf crew side. and if that is not the intentions them folks should stop posting cuz beef'n on whether ur natural or not is not cool at all.

 

[FAMUDva]

It seems as if the focus is becoming less about LONG HAIR and GROWTH and more about relaxed vs natural or BC or transitions. I LOVE all these subjects but I want to focus on LONG HAIR and GROWTH. I have goals to reach. I will be inspired by long hair no matter if they are relaxed ,natural or transitioning.I'm here for PICS, progress and help and to be helpful

I feel what you're saying, but I feel my transition is about the ultimate goal of having long, healthy hair. Not sure about others, but LH is still me goal

But, I do get what you're saying...

 

[FAMUDva]

I do get bad vibes here fairly often.

There are just as many "anti natural" vibes as there are "anti relaxed" vibes.

It's just human nature. Unfortunate, but very easy to see sometimes.

People love to sort themselves out just like laundry.

Even on a board full of women of color with heavily textured hair who have the desire to keep their hair healthy... we find SOMETHING to make us separate. Whether it be hair type or hair style.

Which if you think about it is so ridiculous. Our hair journeys are much more alike than they are different.

There also seems to be a "If you don't do what I do, then something is wrong with you" mentality with both groups also.

I think you just hit the nail on the head with why I don't like the hair typing thing...

Okay, sorry for the sidebar... back to topic.