Black People have the Worst Kind of Hair...

[SmartyPants]

I've already posted that the OP is going to need a bail fund if she marries into this family. However, I do want to make sure we don't go too far in demonizing Dominicans. I grew up in New Orleans. Not a Dominican in sight. We have these same attitudes from our Creole population.

Ignorance and self-hatred knows no nationalistic boundaries. This is yet another unfortunate side-effect of the enslavement of our ancestors.

 

[audacity.]

Ok, so I've been dating my boyfriend for nearly 8 years. When we initially started dating, his Dominican family didn't like me, but I just chalked it up to them not wanting him to get too serious too fast (which was completely understandable).

It never occurred to me that they (well, not his whole family, just his mother and his little brother) are SERIOUSLY RACIST. His mother dates Black men, but she refused to marry them or have Kids with any of them becasue she doesn't want a child with (and I quote) NASTY KINKY BAD HAIR

I didn't used to hang around his family often because they can be very obvious in their dislike of me, but since he proposed, I felt like I needed to mend bridges, so in the past year, I started attending family functions...etc.

Well, last night, his uncle (who IS married to a Black woman) begged me to do his Daughter's hair b/c his wife is out of town. So I get there, and my SO's mother was geared and ready to put a re.laxer in that poor (4 year old's) beautiful hair. Not only was she combing her DRY HAIR but she was using a fine toothed comb. There were globs and globs of hair on the floor.

After I managed to get the re.laxer out of her reach and Luis (his uncle) tells her to let me take over, she gets pissed and starts screaming about how a Re.laxer is the only way to tame BAD HAIR and how she wishes her brother wouldn't have married a Black woman becasue we have the WORST HAIR in the world.

Then she tells me that I should be embarrassed to walk around with my Kinky hair b/c it looks and feels disgusting. According to her, Dark Skin Black people are the worst kind of people, and she cries just thinking about how Black her grandbaby's are going to be. Then she trys to convince my SO that he should find a Dominican girl to date, becase Black children are ugly (as she says this, she points at her 4 year old neice) ...That's when Luis gets into it with her...

Out of respect for my SO, I didn't say anything. I let him handle his mother, but I've been wanting to tell that ***** off for years!! I just let her go on her rant, while I braided his cousin's hair.

But my BLOOD WAS BOILING!!! Steam was coming out of my ears ya'll!
I don't know how I managed to stay calm, but if I ever have to be around that woman again...I don't know what I will say or do.

Anyway, I just needed to vent.

WOW!

 

[gmw]

Very disturbing indeed!!erplexed That situation would make me seriously rethink wanting to be a part of that family.

Clearly you are in love and things between you and your SO are great.

But that woman right there! SMDH....See that incites disrespect towards elders.... and to begin like that.... Sis you are great to make an effort towards her at all..... I would not do it ....

She would never even know I was pregnant.... that is ridiculous.....

 

[gmw]

When you marry her son, you might as well have a bail fund ready. You will have to kick her ass at least once!

HELLO!!!!!

 

[gmw]

Good luck w/ your marriage. I don't know what is worse this lady or the voodoo lady.

What voodoo lady? erplexed

 

[Makenzie]

What voodoo lady? erplexed

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=255687

 

[d-rock]

Wow what a poor ignorant fool she is... i'm not even gonna get started cause i'll go off...

 

[LiberianGirl]

Lady, you handled yourself beautifully. I wish you and your SO the best of luck. Keep us posted on the wedding details...some of us are living vicariously through others

 

[lovedone_24]

This woman is suffering from a deep sense a self-hatred. I only pray the child did not internalize her ranting.

 

[d-rock]

Exactly. DOMINICANS ARE AFRICAN. Case closed. They can read a history book to figure it out. It's not that hard. Africans were dumped in many places in the Americas -- including our country, the Carribbean, Latin and South America. They may have been mixed up more than the American slave, and they have a diff. culture, but they are African too. And honestly, that is why they are so adamant about it. It is an extreme case of self hate. And it's sad. It's not just Domicans though, most tinted people have these issues. Vestiges of colonialism and slavery ...

Hell yeah and I would have broken it down for her stupid @$$ that she may think darker equals ugly, but the standard of beauty in the West thinks she's ugly too. Dominicans need to remember they are muts just like the rest of us; mixed with whatever indigenous tribes were living there before the whites invaded, East European, South Asian, and African.

I wrote about self-hate and erased it when I saw you already covered it. I agree with you 110%. She's in denial.

 

[Lebiya]

Seriously good luck to you!

I just hope this lunatic wont EVER have kids by a black man, and good thing she doesn’t want any either. I see TOOO many women who have such issues but purposely SEEK OUT dark skinned 'nappy' head mates then complain if they have dark-skinned 'nappy' head kids who resemble their father.

I wouldn’t spend my time trying to ’convince’ or school her of anything. As she approaches seniorhood all alone, she will realize the time she wasted on earth. I’d just try to live my life happy and contended, my kids clear out of her reach. I haope this craziness didnt come from her father.

 

[d-rock]

No, her aunt has type 2 something hair, the Winnie (4 year old) has 3c/4a hair that's longer than mine! Her hair was past shoulders with shrinkage!

My goddaughter has type 3 hair (she's black/asian) and I wouldn't let anyone put even a texturizer in that hair type, it's already semi-straight. That's the hair type you can still comb when it's wet. I hope you and your future husband have a wonderful life together with many beautiful children of your own, don't let one ugly person ruin it for you.

 

[Cinda2503]

Seriously good luck to you!

I just hope this lunatic wont EVER have kids by a black man, and good thing she doesn’t want any either. I see TOOO many women who have such issues but purposely SEEK OUT dark skinned 'nappy' head mates then complain if they have dark-skinned 'nappy' head kids who resemble their father.

I wouldn’t spend my time trying to ’convince’ or school her of anything. As she approaches seniorhood all alone, she will realize the time she wasted on earth. I’d just try to live my life happy and contended, my kids clear out of her reach. I haope this craziness didnt come from her father.

Law of attraction = That which you give your attention to - expands!!!

 

[starfish79]

I wouldn't have anything to do with her.

She would never come around my kids, light or dark

EXACTLY...she wouldn't be poisoning their minds with her garbage.

 

[Guapa1]

I don't understand how the "boyrfriends" even got with her in the first place. How the heck did he stay with her for 7 years and put up with her negative attitudes towards black people and he is black himself. I am dumbfounded by that one erplexed

The boyfriend that left her after the "not my baby" comment....what should I say about that one? Now he should have known that she was like that before he slept with her and made a baby. Why did he wait until after the baby was born to leave her as a single parent when he probably knew her character before all this. Please don't tell me that father is black too...because then I would really be dumbfounded.


She must have some good stuff. Cause I don't see how these black men can want to be with someone like that.

Hmmm, some men are just as self hating!
OP, well done for the restraint and congrats on you and your fine man tying the knot!

 

[JustKiya]

Hmmm, some men are just as self hating!
OP, well done for the restraint and congrats on you and your fine man tying the knot!

Indeed - they were most likely over the moon at having a light/bright/damnearwhite woman on their arm, the fact that she HATED their skin faded into the haze of their own color issues.

 

[NewYorkgyrl]

Indeed - they were most likely over the moon at having a light/bright/damnearwhite woman on their arm, the fact that she HATED their skin faded into the haze of their own color issues.

You stated exactly what I was thinking!

 

[Dearlove]

Bless you and your fiance. Keep his mother in prayer. After seventeen years of a similar situation, I can declare that I have won the hair wars!

 

[aquajoyice]

What really amazes me about people that comment on "Black Hair" Is the fact that "Black People" aren't the only ones with kinky hair. You can go to any race and find someone with "nappy" hair.

And you know what I always say to people that dislike anything about OUR Culture is if you hate black people you hate yourself, cause at one point we were all "Black".

And the best things on earth came from Color,

 

[RedVelvet310]

wow that's sad. what i find interesting though is that while all you ladies are using the dominicans as scapegoats... the reality is that most if not ALL non-european cultures have some kind of inferiority complex when it comes to the colour of their skin and 'facial features'. I see it is East Asian culture, South Asian culture, Middle Eastern culture... African culture... African American culture.. Latin American culture etc etc etc. It's a sad epidemic.

 

[NewYorkgyrl]

wow that's sad. what i find interesting though is that while all you ladies are using the dominicans as scapegoats... the reality is that most if not ALL non-european cultures have some kind of inferiority complex when it comes to the colour of their skin and 'facial features'. I see it is East Asian culture, South Asian culture, Middle Eastern culture... African culture... African American culture.. Latin American culture etc etc etc. It's a sad epidemic.

NO ONE is using them as scapegoats. NO ONE in this thread said that they are the only ones. NO ONE. If anything many women have stated what you said above. Please re-read the previous posts.

Dominicans are being used as an example in THIS thread because of the situation that was presented by the original poster. If you read the threads on the off topic forum many of the ladies have brought up topics that concern colorism in many difffernt ethnic groups - including our own. And I am sure that 99.9% of us do not think that Dominicans are the only ones with this complex

 

[Pheonixx]

I was just getting ready to concur with BRI.

1.
Ah well...I wouldn't rush to judge the Dominicans too harshly. All ppl of color are victims of white supremacy and inferiority complexes.

In any case, I've met plenty who were proud to acknowledge the black portion of their heritage...
Even had a cuban girl tell me that Cubans were more black and native indian than Spaniard. Told me that the spaniard blood was 'watered down'...

They're not as culturally backwards as some on this thread would suggest.
And the ones who are..? Eh...they're just like black folks with the 'good hair; bad hair' bit. The only difference is we're starting to come out of our haze (slowly but surely).

All the same, 'we' (that is--black folks, the monolith) ain't even got our sh*t together. Doesn't make sense to judge ppl who are dealing with the same issues we are.

But, different ppl have different ways of looking at things....

2.
Someone mentioned having issues with their man's Mexican mother. Well--that's not surprising. You should expect that attitude from Mexicans. For starters, they ain't no parts black. Secondly half of them don't even care for black folks (especially some of those California Mexicans)...

...though they will mix with us.
I'm telling you. These mexicans down here (in san antonio) usually be all up IN a sista's face. Afraid to approach though...

3.
I can't believe that woman said that in front of that baby. Good thing her daddy was there...

4.
Thank God I never went through issue with my spanish exes. (puerto rican, cuban, dominican,). Their mothers loved me...



OH yeah Forgot to add something:

The leading scientific theories to date tell us that
1. Modern man came from Africa and spread out to people the globe in several movements.
2. Climate and mutations changed appearances
3. All people share a common African ancestor
4. White skin, blue/green/hazel eyes and red/blonde hair are mutations...
Sound racist but it isn't. Go on and do a google search if you think I'm bs-in--and see how many reputable sources you can find to support my claims. There are 2 separate genes to account for Asian and White skin tones. Red and Blonde hair/Blue eyes came about because of sexual selection with the cavemen.
And it's been thought that the Europeans interbred with the Neanderthals...though there is no evidence for it yet.
Well they did find a skull that was somewhat suspect...

>>pause<<
See? And YOU thought I was lying...

But there is no need to use your newfound knowledge to discriminate.
White ppl are just like you and me, only---not...really.
But see, that's OKAY.
They're like X-Men, when you think about it.
(Minus the cool powers...)

(lol)
Anywho--
...it's a little pointless to discuss who and what is 'black' when technically RACE (as we know it) doesn't even exist...
Race is a new invention in history. It's just a construct.
'Black' is a construct. 'White' is a construct. The 'Pure Aryan White Race' myth that these skinhead nuts spew...is a construct.
A construct within a construct, actually.

But let's pretend that race DOES exist for the sake of the conversation...
I'm not a 'one-drop theorist' so I don't understand how all Dominicans became African.
Y'know...I can understand why some spanish folks can't stand dealing with black folks. The chief complaint is that black folks are always trying to claim mf's. Call everyone with a hint of blackness 'black'.
This is true.
Dominicans have 'black blood' (to varying degrees). I acknowledge this. They do as well. But they ain't black. Just as PR's, Brazillians and Cubans, etc...ain't black.
I love spanish folks to death. I often joke that some are spanish speaking black folks! But beyond the joking I recognize that these ppl are culturally and ethnically distinct from black folks...so let them have their own culture.
...and the Tainos had a culture before black slaves and the spaniards ever came to their islands.

Anyway if we define as black anyone that comes from Africa we should know that there are races of black individuals who are not 'ethnically' African...

 

[RedVelvet310]

NO ONE is using them as scapegoats: the only type of people to have this complex. NO ONE in this thread said that they are the only ones. NO ONE. If anything many women have stated what you said above. Please re-read the previous posts.

Dominicans are being used as an example in THIS thread because of the situation that was presented by the original poster. If you read the threads on the off topic forum many of the ladies have brought up topics that concern colorism in many difffernt ethnic groups - including our own. And I am sure that 99.9% of us do not think that Dominicans are the only ones with this complex

Agreed... maybe using the word "all" was a little too strong... and while I was writing that I swore I backspaced that a put something else.. guess not. And yah I have read the entire thread I spend a good hour reading AND REreading what was written. I'm also not assuming that lhcf ladies think that Dominicans are the only demographic that suffers from colorism (common now... i know we're smarter than THAT)... it just sucks to see us... as... hm whats the word... 'ethnic' women.. women of colour putting each other down because of the colour of our skin... when .. IMO women of colour (meaning tanned latinas.. east asians.. south asians.. africans) are the most beautiful women in the world (note: in my opinion lol).. we hate ourselves and try to look "whiter" or more european while european women are are injecting collagen in their lips... silicone in their butts and breasts... toasting under tanning booths to look more like US. It krayyy-zeee!!!

 

[Rapunzel*]

im sorry you had to go through this

 

[AtlantaJJ]

I haven't read any of the comments but off the top she sounds just like a hate filled drunk. Only a drunk person would spew hate out of her mouth like that directly to you and in front of everyone. She is a sad excuse of a human and I am sure her family including your SO was deeply embarassed by her. I hope the little girl is okay and is not scared for life by this hatefilled woman. She needs prayer and sounds like an intervention.

 

[NewYorkgyrl]

Agreed... maybe using the word "all" was a little too strong... and while I was writing that I swore I backspaced that a put something else.. guess not. And yah I have read the entire thread I spend a good hour reading AND REreading what was written. I'm also not assuming that lhcf ladies think that Dominicans are the only demographic that suffers from colorism (common now... i know we're smarter than THAT)... it just sucks to see us... as... hm whats the word... 'ethnic' women.. women of colour putting each other down because of the colour of our skin... when .. IMO women of colour (meaning tanned latinas.. east asians.. south asians.. africans) are the most beautiful women in the world (note: in my opinion lol).. we hate ourselves and try to look "whiter" or more european while european women are are injecting collagen in their lips... silicone in their butts and breasts... toasting under tanning booths to look more like US. It krayyy-zeee!!!

Yeah I hate to see it too. But sometimes there are certain situations that can just make a person's blood boil.
I think one person's experience with colorism may differ from anothers based on where they live (the state) and their community.
Some people might live around a lot of black americans that act this way. Or it might be West Indians, or Dominicans, or Indians. You are right about that.

 

[RedVelvet310]

Yeah I hate to see it too. But sometimes there are certain situations that can just make a person's blood boil.
I think one person's experience with colorism may differ from anothers based on where they live (the state) and their community.
Some people might live around a lot of black americans that act this way. Or it might be West Indians, or Dominicans, or Indians. You are right about that.

Most definately! This thread actually shocked me. I used to think that of all the minority cultures Latin America would not have so many issues with 'black people/dark skin' because many of them have african lineage. When I read the OPs post and other posters' experiences with their former SO's in my head I was like wow.. I obviously know this is not a sickness that all Latinos share.... but it was still shocking to me.

Idea (and kinda off topic): Does anyone else think that LHCF should have a separate discussion forum regarding colorism within ethnic communities? It seems as if only African Americans have somewhat accepted the fact that we as black people suffer from colorism and self hate... and while we try and move mountains to change that... we need to realize that this issue is not only black/white... its black/brown/red/yellow/purple .... its so frustrating hearing my friends (who are of south asian...east asian and middle eastern descent) degrade their own people based on the colour of their skin. AHH will the hate ever end

 

[Enchantmt]

Idea (and kinda off topic): Does anyone else think that LHCF should have a separate discussion forum regarding colorism within ethnic communities? It seems as if only African Americans have somewhat accepted the fact that we as black people suffer from colorism and self hate... and while we try and move mountains to change that... we need to realize that this issue is not only black/white... its black/brown/red/yellow/purple .... its so frustrating hearing my friends (who are of south asian...east asian and middle eastern descent) degrade their own people based on the colour of their skin. AHH will the hate ever end

Most of the racial topics get heated and locked rather quickly, and there has been such an over abundance of threads that a lot of folx are burned out on the discussion, and tend to get rather "abrasive" so to speak. You are of course welcome to start a topic, and if you search the OT forums, you will come across several as well.

 

[Kawaii1]

With regards to the original topic, I would have got in that ass. She is in line for an ass beating, dumb *****.

 

[Pheonixx]

^^^
I'd agree with Enchantment.

It's a little ridiculous, imo. Especially when you consider the fact that ppl are getting wound up over what someone said on a message board.
IT ain't even THAT serious....

Some ppl are overly sensitive.
Some of these ppl are just not equipped for forum talk of any sort. Your point of view is relative to where you're standing--and we all live in different realities. This goes without saying.
....point is: When it comes to 'opinions' it could be argued that all perceptions are valid (in a sense) so there's no sense in debate and arguments. But--you can always spot the 'less-traveled'/unsophisticated person with little to no life experience. They're the ones who don't know how to 'take' individuals who express different perspectives--who speak from a different life experience--without flying off the handle.

I haven't faced opposition for my views, however.
I just observe the madness from time to time.