PLEASE VOTE:NATURAL HAIR FRUSTRATIONS..WOULD YOU RELAX IF YOU FELT THIS WAY?

[deola]

Sorry OP that you are going through this.
I bc'ed in Feb of '08 and I faced the same issues as you initially with lots of tangled ends and breakage.
But I have found that Afro detangler works like magic on my hair!
My hair is now soooooft and does not hurt at all when I comb.
Like most ladies have said, lots of patience and experimenting to find products that work is the key.
Do not be hasty in making a decision just yet ok?

 

[Mandy4610]

Thank you so much ladies, I can not tell me how helpful your responses have been. I am still not sure where I am on this, but I will not be making any rushed decisions.

Thanks again.

 

[Valerie]

Now I understand the shrinkage and everything, I like to put highlights now and I would not relax it. The early ages are difficult, I failed several times myself. When I first when natural, I would relax my hair and I realised I made a mistake, then I texturalised and after a while it broke and I can come to realise that being natural is better for me.

 

[BostonMaria]

I love my natural hair, but sometimes I need a break from the gels, wash n go's, having wet hair every morning, shrinkage is a bit**...

So yesterday I went to the salon and got it blow dried and flatironed. I did it to see some length and give myself a break. Maybe you should get a flat iron and see how you feel once you see it straight again. I just love the fact that I can go back and forth as I please.

 

[AtlantaJJ]

I love my natural hair, but sometimes I need a break from the gels, wash n go's, having wet hair every morning, shrinkage is a bit**...

So yesterday I went to the salon and got it blow dried and flatironed. I did it to see some length and give myself a break. Maybe you should get a flat iron and see how you feel once you see it straight again. I just love the fact that I can go back and forth as I please.

This is a great idea.. plus if your hair reverts a bit, you can get some of those Hype hair satin covered sponge rollers curl your ends, use some gel to smooth your hair back some and make the cutest "afro puff" with loose curls...dress it up with a pretty scarf as a band.

There are so many options with natural hair and you will get more options as your hair grows!

I am going to invest in ceramic everything for straightening

 

[Mandy4610]

I love my natural hair, but sometimes I need a break from the gels, wash n go's, having wet hair every morning, shrinkage is a bit**...

So yesterday I went to the salon and got it blow dried and flatironed. I did it to see some length and give myself a break. Maybe you should get a flat iron and see how you feel once you see it straight again. I just love the fact that I can go back and forth as I please.

This is a great idea.. plus if your hair reverts a bit, you can get some of those Hype hair satin covered sponge rollers curl your ends, use some gel to smooth your hair back some and make the cutest "afro puff" with loose curls...dress it up with a pretty scarf as a band.

There are so many options with natural hair and you will get more options as your hair grows!

I am going to invest in ceramic everything for straightening

These are great ideas, but my hair is only 3 inches stretched.
I need more hair
Thanks for the suggestion though. BTW, how do you ladies keep shrinkage away after getting the hair flat Ironed?
One more thing...I have a Sedu, I have tried it on my but it does not seem to get it that smooth

 

[LiberianGirl]

These are great ideas, but my hair is only 3 inches stretched.
I need more hair
Thanks for the suggestion though. BTW, how do you ladies keep shrinkage away after getting the hair flat Ironed?
One more thing...I have a Sedu, I have tried it on my but it does not seem to get it that smooth

I use Sabino and Chi serum. It's nice that you are putting a lot of thought into your decision. I agree that you should give it some time..but in the end do what makes you happy.

 

[LilBrownied]

IMO relaxing doesn't solve all problems, it also comes with its drawbacks. I know you're frustrated, but I'd encourage you to remain patient and focus on gaining length so you can do more with your hair (like twist-outs, which were amazing to me when I could do them nicely).

When I was at your stage, I just washed in the morning, picked it out, and went on my merry way. It looked short n whatever but forget the shrinkage! For that time, my face was the main attraction, not my hair length.

I'm sorry you're going through this! What ever you do, compare the benefits and drawbacks carefully.

 

[Mandy4610]

IMO relaxing doesn't solve all problems, it also comes with its drawbacks. I know you're frustrated, but I'd encourage you to remain patient and focus on gaining length so you can do more with your hair (like twist-outs, which were amazing to me when I could do them nicely).

When I was at your stage, I just washed in the morning, picked it out, and went on my merry way. It looked short n whatever but forget the shrinkage! For that time, my face was the main attraction, not my hair length.

I'm sorry you're going through this! What ever you do, compare the benefits and drawbacks carefully.

Thats what makes the decision hardererplexed

 

[napgurl]

Hmm so you will be stuck with 3 inch straight hair with all the drama that goes along with that.

I say get you some s-curl, caster oil, a pen and some paper and get to doing some research and experimentation. Use this time to finding out what turns you hair on. . Not knowing this will get you to the same place every time no matter relaxed, texlaxed or relaxed.

 

[Mandy4610]

Hmm so you will be stuck with 3 inch straight hair with all the drama that goes along with that.
I say get you some s-curl, caster oil, a pen and some paper and get to doing some research and experimentation. Use this time to finding out what turns you hair on. . Not knowing this will get you to the same place every time no matter relaxed, texlaxed or relaxed.

I did not say I am relaxing girl....I am just frustrated and weighing my options thats all.I don't know which way I will go yet, but no matter what I decide I will not see it as being stuck b/c there are always options in any case. you are right, this is a good time to research Thanks girl!

 

[msdeevee]

No, I can honestly say I will never relax my hair again, EVER.

When I Had a relaxer , I had nice chemically treated past shoulder length hair and I had bad hair days then too especially if it got wet or I or someone else relaxed it too hard or when I was going through the dry periods or shedding or whatever.

I have now been natural for close to 5 years .

My hair is APL now and I still have the same feelings as you somewhat, just recently I was struggling with my hair because it was extremely dry and I was considering BC'ing or getting locs. A friend suggested I use the Ojon restorative treatment and that did the trick for me and I fell back in love with my hair. One thing I've learned on this natural journey is that it takes a lot of time and patience to get to know your hair what works and what doesn't. I have tried all the "miracle " hair products and lines that others recommend (except MTG) but I came to the conclusion that everything ain't for everybody. I'm at a place now where I find that less is more and there is no miracle. However, I love the health of my hair. I love the texture and I think I have the kinkiest coiliest hair that some consider difficult but I'm ok with it.

When I feel like you do, I get my hair braided or put in kinky twists and I leave it alone for a while. All I do is put oil on it and keep it moisturized.

I hope you find what works for you.

ETA: have you ever just pre-treated your hair with a nice butter, oil or deep conditioner ,washed it out in the shower then just comb it out while it's saturated with another conditioner then just lightly rinse it out with your fingers as you place your coils in a nice pattern then just set it with some gel or oil like Wonder 8 or whatever you use and let it air dry like that with no more fingering your hair ?

 

[Mandy4610]

No, I can honestly say I will never relax my hair again, EVER.

When I Had a relaxer , I had nice chemically treated past shoulder length hair and I had bad hair days then too especially if it got wet or I or someone else relaxed it too hard or when I was going through the dry periods or shedding or whatever.

I have now been natural for close to 5 years .

My hair is APL now and I still have the same feelings as you somewhat, just recently I was struggling with my hair because it was extremely dry and I was considering BC'ing or getting locs. A friend suggested I use the Ojon restorative treatment and that did the trick for me and I fell back in love with my hair. One thing I've learned on this natural journey is that it takes a lot of time and patience to get to know your hair what works and what doesn't. I have tried all the "miracle " hair products and lines that others recommend (except MTG) but I came to the conclusion that everything ain't for everybody. I'm at a place now where I find that less is more and there is no miracle. However, I love the health of my hair. I love the texture and I think I have the kinkiest coiliest hair that some consider difficult but I'm ok with it.

When I feel like you do, I get my hair braided or put in kinky twists and I leave it alone for a while. All I do is put oil on it and keep it moisturized.

I hope you find what works for you.

ETA: have you ever just pre-treated your hair with a nice butter, oil or deep conditioner ,washed it out in the shower then just comb it out while it's saturated with another conditioner then just lightly rinse it out with your fingers as you place your coils in a nice pattern then just set it with some gel or oil like Wonder 8 or whatever you use and let it air dry like that with no more fingering your hair ?

Yeah, I did something similar with my TWA. I have all kinds on textures of hair, so it makes styling a challenge, but when I did this I liked it, I have never been able to duplicate the look though.

 

[Aggie]

Honey I'd say go with your what your heart is whispering to you in those moments when you and you alone are alone with your hair and she speaks to you and she speaks to you quietly but yet she seems to be screaming all at at the same time at the top of her lungs from a mountain top. Don't drown out her voice, listen to her and respond and she will respond to you in kind. Shhh!! Whatever she is sayng to you do, and in that moment, you will find happiness and peace with her (your hair)......and youreslf.

 

[LaReyna756]

Have you tried a straigtening comb? It may work than a flat iron on shorter hair.

I would wait awhile longer before relaxing. Maybe you can get someone to braid your hair, (your hair looks long enough to put into some cornrows without adding any hair), or you can try pressing it for a little while--just to see if it is easier to manage when it is a little longer. Or get your pj on, and try some new conditioners...

I relaxed earlier this year after months of transitioning, and now I am transitioning again. I imagine how long my natural hair would be had not gotten that relaxer...so that is the only reason I am encouraging you to wait a little while. If you decide to relax, I am sure that will work out too. We should enjoy our hair and not let it stress us out too much. Part of the fun is being able to switch it up, or even start over, every so often.

 

[Mandy4610]

Given my whole situation right now(Financial, time, energy etc)...I THINK STAYING NATURAL IS THE BEST THING FOR ME TO DO...All things considered!!
I just need to be more realistic and really do some hair soul searching, lets see where that ends.
Thank you all for riding this roller coaster with me and thanks for being objective, I have gathered very useful info to make a well informed decision.

 

[KEWLKAT103]

Given my whole situation right now(Financial, time, energy etc)...I THINK STAYING NATURAL IS THE BEST THING FOR ME TO DO...All things considered!!
I just need to be more realistic and really do some hair soul searching, lets see where that ends.
Thank you all for riding this roller coaster with me and thanks for being objective, I have gathered very useful info to make a well informed decision.

Great idea! Thanx for the update

 

[LadyEuphoria007]

Given my whole situation right now(Financial, time, energy etc)...I THINK STAYING NATURAL IS THE BEST THING FOR ME TO DO...All things considered!!
I just need to be more realistic and really do some hair soul searching, lets see where that ends.
Thank you all for riding this roller coaster with me and thanks for being objective, I have gathered very useful info to make a well informed decision.

I'm glad things are starting to come full circle for you. Isn't it crazy how much trouble our hair can give us...

 

[Mandy4610]

I'm glad things are starting to come full circle for you. Isn't it crazy how much trouble our hair can give us...

Girl, I tell ya, it s been one heck of a ride, but sometimes things just work in a very twisted way, its hard to find a direct answer.

 

[SignatureBeauty]

I am glad you made your decision!!! I am proud of you!

 

[Pheonixx]

Mandy this is really getting to you! I also think you BC too soon, but listen at how frustrated you are, I don't see you giving up on natural hair, I just see that you aren't ready for that Twa, When starting from a Twa for some it can be hard! Is there anyway you can hide your hair for awhile? if not then do what you feel!

Man That's exactly why I will be transitioning for a LOOOOONG time. AT least a year. I've been Halle Berry short before but I could never rock a TWA. That's a whole nother ball game.

Well glad you made a good choice.
Not sure what I would've done in your shoes. Prolly wolda henna'd and been done with it.
LOL
Of course there's the issue of freedom and natural hair and natural beauty and embracing yourself, yada. yada, yada...
But whatever man---for the most part, (for me) hair is hair and it's about what's convenient for you and your lifestyle.
I wouldn't process but---even if you used a chemical it wouldn't mean that you don't love and accept yourself more than the next person.
Plenty think that, but it's hardly even logical. And too broad an assumption to make.

 

[Mortons]

No I would not relax my hair. My natural hair is HARD to maintain and keep moisturized, but its a labor of love. Being natural is very important to me and I'm in it for the long haul.

 

[thefineprint]

ever consider locking your hair?

 

[thefineprint]

No, I can honestly say I will never relax my hair again, EVER.

When I Had a relaxer , I had nice chemically treated past shoulder length hair and I had bad hair days then too especially if it got wet or I or someone else relaxed it too hard or when I was going through the dry periods or shedding or whatever.

I agree here. For me, I could NEVER go back to relaxing but everyone is different. I transitioned for a long time ( 1 1/2 years) so my hair was relatively long when I bigchopped because I knew a TWA couldn't work w/ my face shape (can we say BIG forehead? ). After I wore my hair loose and natural for a while I was growing bored but didn't want to relax my hair. I found sisterlocks and fell in love! Now I can honestly say that I love my hair and found the style that will probably last me the rest of my days. It's all about doing research.

Good luck with your decision!

 

[wannabelong]

If I felt that way about my natural hair, I would texlax first to see if that makes a difference. If I still felt the same way after texlaxing it, I would relax all the way. Being natural is not all that serious to me, it's all about what is convenient and what makes me happy.

 

[MJ]

If you relax out of frustration, you may regret it. It would be the same as doing something in anger. I relaxed my hair in frustration, and I eventually went back to natural because relaxed hair can be just as frustrating! Each state (relaxed, natural, textlaxed, etc.) have it's pros and cons. It would more beneficial for you to decide to switch from one to the other because you believe you'd rather deal with the relaxed cons than the natural cons, or vice versa. When you change from one state to another due to frustration, anger, etc. the grass always looks greener on the other side. However, once you get there, you have to deal it full reality that yes, the grass may be greener, but it requires XY&Z to keep it that way.

 

[Mandy4610]

Very good thoughts ladies. Thank you so much.

 

[Pheonixx]

If you relax out of frustration, you may regret it. It would be the same as doing something in anger. I relaxed my hair in frustration, and I eventually went back to natural because relaxed hair can be just as frustrating! Each state (relaxed, natural, textlaxed, etc.) have it's pros and cons. It would more beneficial for you to decide to switch from one to the other because you believe you'd rather deal with the relaxed cons than the natural cons, or vice versa. When you change from one state to another due to frustration, anger, etc. the grass always looks greener on the other side. However, once you get there, you have to deal it full reality that yes, the grass may be greener, but it requires XY&Z to keep it that way.

This is true as well....

 

[DivineNapps1728]

I voted against relaxing due to frustration

Getting hair to behave properly whether relaxed, texlaxed or natural can be a pain, but I wouldn't make any rash decisions. I would get braids to calm my nerves and take time to think about why I went natural and to seek out any flaws in my current routine.

Natural hair is an adjustment, but if you relaxed would you be satified with the current length? Short cuts typically require alot of effort to maintain are you willing to put in that work? Would you consider going through another transition period? Do you think keeping your hair natural will greatly diminish the overall health of your hair?
...just some things to think about

Good luck regardless of what path you decide to take with your hair dear

 

[Mandy4610]

ever consider locking your hair?

NO, have never considered locking it. I love love locks, but I don't know anything about how to care for locks or anything like that. I don't think I would lock it as much as I love locks.

I voted against relaxing due to frustration

Getting hair to behave properly whether relaxed, texlaxed or natural can be a pain, but I wouldn't make any rash decisions. I would get braids to calm my nerves and take time to think about why I went natural and to seek out any flaws in my current routine.

Natural hair is an adjustment, but if you relaxed would you be satified with the current length? Short cuts typically require alot of effort to maintain are you willing to put in that work? Would you consider going through another transition period? Do you think keeping your hair natural will greatly diminish the overall health of your hair?
...just some things to think about

Good luck regardless of what path you decide to take with your hair dear

Thanks for these thoughts.