For Those of You DarkButts Who Have Curly Hair

[CoCoRica]

Genetics is so much more than the color of ones skin. Its not set in stone. There are mixed people who are dark in skin tone, there are those who didnt get the good hair, and yes light skin folks have 4b hair too. Whats wrong with people. Lenny Kravitz is mixed and his hair texture looks to be in the 4 range.....Marvin Gayes daughter skin tone is brown/dark bown and her mothers Cuban---when will people stop with the foolishness.

 

[tottzu]

We have for many years believed that we were unable to have curly coils. Because we did not know that the hair had to be manipulated when wet and not dry many of us never realized the natural curl we had. For hundred of years we have been told that our curly coils are unattractive, so its going to take many many years to change that thinking.

Many ladies seem surprise that our own race does not believe that our hair can be curly. Why? When many of us came to the long hair care fourm not knowing that our hair could be curly and coily but have since learned. I have seen many many threads asking how to define their curls and another posting sister responds with her knowledge thus passing the technique onto another sister. This is how the change comes about. Us sharing our knowledge. Yes, many will not believe, but that is understandable because again for hundred of years we have been told that our hair is nappy and unattractive. So, for those of us whom have become enlightened we need to share our newfound knowledge. This is difficult I know because we have to change our thinking regarding our hair and that will take time.

Twenty years ago you saw very few women rocking braids to work and you definitely did not see dreads and or twist. Many people tsk tsk at the pioneers wearing braids. Some lost their jobs others were threatened with the loss of a job or lack of promotions for wearing their braids. But, they paved the roads for us. Now you see men and women rocking braids, twists and many other styles that would not have been acceptable 20 years ago.

No, you don't have to go out on the limb and proclaim to strangers that our hair can be curly, coily and cute too. But, when told that our hair can't do this or won't do this we need share that yes it can. Yes, it may fall on deaf ears. But, just as we have been told for many years that I hair can't. We will have to tell our people for years and years that our hair can. Sometimes we have to hear things numerous times before we'll even digest the new thought much less believe.

 

[Neith]

I know this thread is about us. It just seems that black people put more emphasis on crap like this and give too much energy to it. Other races are more concerned with other things such as economic standing, religion and other "more important" differences. I was just showing how trivial this topic really is because if you look at it, it's totally crazy.

ETA~ I threw in the Asians so we could take a look and see hair and skin tone don't relate, not to take away from this topic. Didn't mean to offend.

Are you kidding? They have just as many issues about race, skin color and hair type that we have.

Why is Japanese Straightening so popular?
Why do so many Asians and Middle Easterners lighten their skin?
What does "pelo malo" mean?

I could go on and on...

 

[MizAvalon]

I get the opposite. I don't consider myself to be light skinned, but there are some people who think I am. Anyway, when they see my tightly coiled 4 a/b hair they look twice. Anyone else out there get that?

Your bun looks great!

 

[Kurly K]

im not dark and i get the same reaction....black people always ask if i texturize or what i used to make it curly when thats just how it is.... alot of people have the idea that all black hair is 4b even if you r lite skin

 

[Kurly K]

I'm not sure if skin tone has anything to do with it at all. I find it interesting that black people are fascinated by other black people with curly or loosely textured hair in general. I really HATE the term "good hair" and it really makes my skin crawl whenever people say that about my hair.
I do find that people don't believe that I haven’t done anything to enhance my curls and I get a lot of questions about the products I use whenever I wear my hair curly.

This may be politically incorrect but whenever I talk about wanting to do something with my hair to make it dealing with it easier sometimes people go on a whole tirade about how my hair is different than theirs and how I don't have the same problems and issues b/c I don't have "real black hair..." smh...

omg i get this all the time from my friends i hate it!

 

[Eclass215]

Oh mos def. I get asked from other black people if I'm "all black" or what am I mixed with, simply because my hair isn't as tightly coiled as they'd expect. Little do they know, it CAN look tight and kinky, I just style it differently. Even when I wear it straight they are surprised that my hair actually moves with the wind, lol. It's a shame, but I'm glad that I have the chance to explain to them that I am 100% black and yes we come in all shapes and textures!!

 

[TexturedTresses]

I think that people rarely see 4b or 4a naturals...period. It wasn't until I got on the board that I started thinking my natural texture wasn't that bad and I might be able to wear it natural. It also wasn't until I got on the board that I saw 4ab naturals who didn't just always wear their hair in braids or locks. I mentioned to my cousin that I was thinking about going natural.... she is about 3b/c and is going natural. She pretty much let me know that that wouldn't be sensible because what would I do with my hair afterwards.

 

[TexturedTresses]

Oh mos def. I get asked from other black people if I'm "all black" or what am I mixed with, simply because my hair isn't as tightly coiled as they'd expect. Little do they know, it CAN look tight and kinky, I just style it differently. Even when I wear it straight they are surprised that my hair actually moves with the wind, lol. It's a shame, but I'm glad that I have the chance to explain to them that I am 100% black and yes we come in all shapes and textures!!

People ask me this all of the time. I'm always really happy to tell that I'm BLACK. Both of my parents are black. I also inform them that you don't have to be mixed or white to have long hair or hair that "swangs"

 

[SignatureBeauty]

I get this all the time!! People SWEAR I have a texturizer or some type of chemical in my hair b/c I dark skinned, so the curls can't naturally be mine... I used to get offended, but I have since learned to stop stressing what other people think.

YES! That is so true

 

[Dposh167]

i will admit that i was one of those blacks who believed blacks (non mixed)..cant have a 3 texture.i was convinced if u did have it...one of ur parents or grandparents were not black. of course my mentality has changed since then...and im thankful...but unfortunately no matter how much we complain..folks will still walk around with that same ignorant mentality. Unless all black folks join the board...or until CNN does a special on 'Being 3-4ab in america'...we have a lot of educating to spread around

 

[Eclass215]

i will admit that i was one of those blacks who believed blacks (non mixed)..cant have a 3 texture.i was convinced if u did have it...one of ur parents or grandparents were not black. of course my mentality has changed since then...and im thankful...but unfortunately no matter how much we complain..folks will still walk around with that same ignorant mentality. Unless all black folks join the board...or until CNN does a special on 'Being 3-4ab in america'...we have a lot of educating to spread around

LOL @ the CNN special.

 

[Eclass215]

People ask me this all of the time. I'm always really happy to tell that I'm BLACK. Both of my parents are black. I also inform them that you don't have to be mixed or white to have long hair or hair that "swangs"

Exactly! Hopefully people will learn this over time.

 

[kblc06]

Warning: The word Darkbutts was used as a term of endearment. Its called taking the word back Please look up the Young Berg Tragedy if you don't understand the point.

Disclaimer: The beliefs expressed by other people are not those of my own, I just happened to type them in this thread. Common sense would suggest that I don't view our hair as slave hair and I don't view my own hair as a "good grade," but I just wanted to add this to cover all the bases

So Darkbutts... Do you feel that people express more disbelief and skepticism toward your looser textured natural or texturized hair texture than they do our lighter (more Young Berg worthy) counterparts?

Sometimes I feel like the only reason people are so shocked or intrigued (and in a way that makes me uncomfortable, where they are digging through my hair, wanting to dig through my hair, making uneccessary comments saying my hair is a "good grade" of hair with a surprised look on their face...) is because they don't believe someone with my skin tone could naturally have hair that isn't (someone else's words, not mine) "slave hair." Sometimes I wear my hair straight, other times I just leave the conditioner in and wear it in a puff... When my hair is straight, no questions are asked. When its curly, I get a few double takes from white folks but they usually like/love it. When its picked or blown out, I get grins from white folks and yea they still like it. However.. with black people... whole nother story . They act like you wronged them as a people when your hair is kinky, and like you are wearing a bad wig when its curly, and like you finally cleaned up your act when you wear it straight. So when you come back with curly hair a few days later they think you didn't learn your lesson and want to give you the cold shoulder again.

Black people can be so cruel when they don't understand something, especially when it comes to hair, and especially when it comes to women. Im not talking about any particular event, because it seems like most events end the same way. Somebody asking about my hair, hearing but not listening to what I am saying, then cutting their eyes at me when they think I'm not looking. Then when you wear your hair a different way the same list of questions and ignoring answers comes back, and the dirty looks continue. Only when my hair is straight I get a break from black people. Now I admit my hair isn't something to write home about now, but its not horrible either. Sure, I'm half texturized and half natural... but so what, its my hair man! So I don't get why people have to act like I'm some spectacle. People don't stare when light skinned girls have curly/coily hair. And when light skinned girls whave relaxed hair, more often than not folks assume they have good hair or its naturally straight than they would if a darker girl had the same hair on her head... Most light skinned girls with 4b hair over here in these parts do relax, to be quite honest I think its been rare to see very light black women wearing their natural 4b hair and nobody can tell me different. Its a beautiful thing to see, but not very common. Which is why I think that everyone assumes light skin = good hair. And why we darkbutts are always expected to explain ourselves when our hair isn't 100% 4b. erplexed

I hope this all made sense. Its kind of a vent, but I would like to discuss, you know if anyone else noticed or had the same experience.

Most definitely. I fall right in the medium brown color spectrum (depending on season I can look light-medium or medium-dark). But most of my family is dark skinned and many have type 2/3 hair (even a couple of 1bs). My mother who is darker than I am constantly has people asking if she has a texturizer (she's growing out her twa and has a very silky textured 3a/3b) hair type. The disbelief of some people and their reactions when you tell them you aren't mixed with anything to have such a texture is quite hilarious at times....other times

 

[zzirvingj]

I am 4a too and people do look twice. I just assume that they are not use to seeing natural hair though bc I never see naturals in Columbia, SC.

LMAO!! Okay, not to hijack your thread OP, but I just had to say that I just moved to Columbia and I called myself walking out of the house like this 2 days ago:

As soon as I stepped inside of Publix ALL EYES WERE ON ME lmao I was on the phone with my cousin like, "Girllll how bout I wore my hair out today and these people up in here staring like I don't SEE them lookin at my head LOL"

The deli guy kept on stutterin while he was fixing my wrap...it seriously seemed as if he was physically trying to stare me in the eyes to keep from staring at my hair (like I could see the other people standing next to me doing in my periphery lol!)....

 

[LiberianGirl]

ITA with a lot of posts. I am brown skinned and I get grief from a lot of people (including my own sister) about my hair type. During my transitioning days, I was surfing the net with one of my friends and showing her some of my favorite fotkis and how I wanted to wear my hair once I became fully natural. When I showed her a light skinned person with hair similar to mine she said "she's probably mixed so that's why her hair is curly" and "I don't think you can get your hair to do that". When I showed her pictures of a darker skinned girl with curly hair she was silent.

Aloof: Great topic...but I hate your thread title. I hope you were being sarcastic because I don't feel anyone should reclaim the word "darkbutts".

 

[Inches411]

this is a good thread. Im very happy to know that im well informed about this topic and if needed i will be able to educate others. my experiences have been a bit different cause im relaxed and people still ask me if im mixed and i tell them no and they was like your hair is nice and im like if you referring to the straightness it is relaxed.. then this one girl told me but u still must be mixed cause when i relaxed my hair it still doesnt look like that. i didnt bother to explain but most likely it had to do with her styling method not hair type.And as far as the whole mixed thing i dont see it.. i do know i have native american ancestry but it so small that i dont even count it.. all my life i seen myself as black and thats wat i am going to continue to do

 

[pinkchocolatedaisy]

Wow, OP. These are the kinda thoughts I'd been having for a while. I don't consider myself dark nor light skinned- I'm somewhere in the middle...

Anyhoo, I too used to be one of those idiots that thought only light skinned folks had naturally curly hair and that darker people had that kinky, "nappy" hair. I think it is due to the fact that there was just so much we didn't/don't know about our hair. I mean, I never really thought I'd see Black women with long, long hair that was not a weave- well, where I live that's what I see anyway (these are the women that admit it and their own hair is short, damaged, etc). So the enviroment you are in contributes to the ignorance we see/practice.

NOw with the computer age and the internet we are dispelling myths and "discovering" our hair. It's pretty amazing. Growing up, I always believed my hair was this coarse, kinky unmanageable hair. My mom combed it dry- and hair. I remember chunks of hair being in the brush. When I got old enough, she gave me a relaxer. I always assumed I "needed" one b/c I knew nothing else but that my hair was dreadful....


I mean, I've always believed I had 4b hair. It was just autmoatic. I thought my hair had no curl pattern, etc. But surprise, surprise when I was transitioning and saw these distinct waves/curls. Imagine my astonishment when I did the BC! I didn't know my hair could do that! I didn't know my hair had some spirals- and some pretty big ones too! I didn't know it was best to style/manipulate my hair wet instead of dry.

It's just like with anything... there will always be ignorance. But it is the choice of the individual to remain so or change. I think a lot of us here have. I know I have. No more "good hair/bad hair" comments will come outta my mouth. I am no longer a "doubting Thomas" on this issue. I am a believer! Anything is possible as far as I'm concerned- and that doesn't just apply to hair.

Just imagine if we had computers/internet back in the 80s (or earlier) when we were growing up. And just imagine if we had sites like LHCF and others that have showed us just how beautiful our hair is- be it relaxed or natural! And that it can grow to amazing lengths- regardless of your racial/ethnic mixture or skin tone.

 

[SoAnxious12]

I'm not sure if skin tone has anything to do with it at all. I find it interesting that black people are fascinated by other black people with curly or loosely textured hair in general. I really HATE the term "good hair" and it really makes my skin crawl whenever people say that about my hair.
I do find that people don't believe that I haven’t done anything to enhance my curls and I get a lot of questions about the products I use whenever I wear my hair curly.

This may be politically incorrect but whenever I talk about wanting to do something with my hair to make it dealing with it easier sometimes people go on a whole tirade about how my hair is different than theirs and how I don't have the same problems and issues b/c I don't have "real black hair..." smh...

UGh !!! Everyone around me does this, when my friends talk about their hair i'm not allowed to speak because i don't have "black hair"

 

[LadyKaypnyc]

UGh !!! Everyone around me does this, when my friends talk about their hair i'm not allowed to speak because i don't have "black hair"

I get the same thing, especially b/c of my fine strands. Their like, your hair isn't thick enough for you to be a real natural

 

[Amerie123]

Well, I'm dark skinned, and like you "aloof one", i heard about the yung berg thing. Yup just another ignorant one (is what I'm thinking in my head). So anyways, just like u, i don't have no "off the wall- white ppl hair", but many would definitely tell me that i got a "good grade", and most ppl think i'm from somewhere. My mom also get that she might be mixed, but she's caramel complexion so, she don't count, although she is black.. lol.. But my thing isn't so much of the negativity, because most people are actually impressed by my grade. I get more compliments rather than negativity, however, i just don't feel like it should be a big deal when dark skinned people have "good hair". And i definitely don't like ignorant ppl like yung berg. DARK BUTTS, I'M JUST LIKE WOW!! HOW NASTY OF HIM.

 

[joyandfaith]

Well, I'm dark skinned, and like you "aloof one", i heard about the yung berg thing. Yup just another ignorant one (is what I'm thinking in my head). So anyways, just like u, i don't have no "off the wall- white ppl hair", but many would definitely tell me that i got a "good grade", and most ppl think i'm from somewhere. My mom also get that she might be mixed, but she's caramel complexion so, she don't count, although she is black.. lol.. But my thing isn't so much of the negativity, because most people are actually impressed by my grade. I get more compliments rather than negativity, however, i just don't feel like it should be a big deal when dark skinned people have "good hair". And i definitely don't like ignorant ppl like yung berg. DARK BUTTS, I'M JUST LIKE WOW!! HOW NASTY OF HIM.

Ironically, that's the part I take offense to. I don't need anyone treating me like I just made it into the acceptable realm.

 

[Amerie123]

Ironically, that's the part I take offense to. I don't need anyone treating me like I just made it into the acceptable realm.

oh, i know what u mean.

 

[Casarela]

So True...you really pictured my family well:

My mom ( haitian) black w/ 4a hair
my dad (arab) white as if he died last week has 2 hair
My older step brother (half haitian/ half white canadian) same color as...Don Cheadle w/4ab hair
Me im not lightskin 3c4a (haitian/arab)
My lil sister light skin somewhat has 3c hair
my little brother same color as me with 3c/b/a
My other older brother whos white with olive skin (arab/ukranian/italian) 2/3a/3b
My boyfriend whos haitian/french ( 3a/b/C with some 2hair)


and I always get the ohhh youre mix why is your hair that nappy or the youre not black you dont understand black hair CMON EXTREME ANSWERS..im black regardless what people say and no the youre mix has nothing to do with your color and nope its not set in stone...GENETICS says it all and Gods decision too.

Genetics is so much more than the color of ones skin. Its not set in stone. There are mixed people who are dark in skin tone, there are those who didnt get the good hair, and yes light skin folks have 4b hair too. Whats wrong with people. Lenny Kravitz is mixed and his hair texture looks to be in the 4 range.....Marvin Gayes daughter skin tone is brown/dark bown and her mothers Cuban---when will people stop with the foolishness.

 

[Str8~Curly]

What an imbecile.
She obviously doesn’t know that being Jamaican does not indicate any particular race in addition to the larger point that race doesn’t predict hair type.
Even worse she said “us blacks” like there aren’t any in Jamaica.
How can people be so damn stupid?

yup some people are miseducated. I was at
sixflags 2 weeks ago at the water park geting on the slide and the girl who was working it asked where i was from and I said louisiana, and she said, "you're not from jamaica or no where, and I said no, she said are you sure you don't have have anyone mixed in your family,, because us blacks don't have hair like that" I just laughed and went down the slide... Once we are informed and proprely educated, then I think these respones will be lessened.. It's so crazy...

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

LMAO!! Okay, not to hijack your thread OP, but I just had to say that I just moved to Columbia and I called myself walking out of the house like this 2 days ago:

As soon as I stepped inside of Publix ALL EYES WERE ON ME lmao I was on the phone with my cousin like, "Girllll how bout I wore my hair out today and these people up in here staring like I don't SEE them lookin at my head LOL"

The deli guy kept on stutterin while he was fixing my wrap...it seriously seemed as if he was physically trying to stare me in the eyes to keep from staring at my hair (like I could see the other people standing next to me doing in my periphery lol!)....

I don't understand why folx were staring Was it staring in a negative sense? Your hair is beautiful, and it doesn't look wild and crazy or outside of the norm to me so i guess I don't get it. You should have asked someone what the heck they were looking at

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

So True...you really pictured my family well:

My mom ( haitian) black w/ 4a hair
my dad (arab) white as if he died last week has 2 hair
My older step brother (half haitian/ half white canadian) same color as...Don Cheadle w/4ab hair
Me im not lightskin 3c4a (haitian/arab)
My lil sister light skin somewhat has 3c hair
my little brother same color as me with 3c/b/a
My other older brother whos white with olive skin (arab/ukranian/italian) 2/3a/3b
My boyfriend whos haitian/french ( 3a/b/C with some 2hair)


and I always get the ohhh youre mix why is your hair that nappy or the youre not black you dont understand black hair CMON EXTREME ANSWERS..im black regardless what people say and no the youre mix has nothing to do with your color and nope its not set in stone...GENETICS says it all and Gods decision too.

Goodness gracious

 

[Kurlee]

So I don't get why people have to act like I'm some spectacle. People don't stare when light skinned girls have curly/coily hair. And when light skinned girls whave relaxed hair, more often than not folks assume they have good hair or its naturally straight than they would if a darker girl had the same hair on her head... Most light skinned girls with 4b hair over here in these parts do relax, to be quite honest I think its been rare to see very light black women wearing their natural 4b hair and nobody can tell me different. Its a beautiful thing to see, but not very common. Which is why I think that everyone assumes light skin = good hair. And why we darkbutts are always expected to explain ourselves when our hair isn't 100% 4b. erplexed

I hope this all made sense. Its kind of a vent, but I would like to discuss, you know if anyone else noticed or had the same experience.

Girl, i totally feel you . I been going through this my whole life. I am about Jada/sanaa/nia(s) complexion and I get the double take, disbelief, looks even from my own family. When I straighten my hair which is healthy apl, i get the is it a weave wig questions. And when i say no, i get , followed by is it permed, then when i say no, i get the followed by , like i'm lying. Then after that ridicule, they just say i'm prally mixed. Ummmmmm ok. When its curly, its the how did u get ur hair like that, and no matter how many times i wear it curly and its often, i get the same ignorant , looks followed by some ignorant slave mentality that only mixed people have hair like that and bla bla bla. When i was younger it hurt, because black people are so ignorant about themselves and will ridicule and alienate others who don't fit their, ignorant, uneducated mold of "blackness", that and i can't help what grows out of my head and shouldn't have to apologize for it. Now that I'm older and have a better understanding of things, I pity these people who continue to believe that a whole continent of people all look the same, have the same hair type (that is an inch high), live in huts with little bushes and twigs covering their crotch and are all a shade above midnight. With all the education and advances we have made as a society in science, how can black people in 2008 still believe that "blackness" is somehow still biologically inferior and to be "cured", we need to be blessed with some white or (insert hot ethnicity du jour here) to be attractive, or intelligent or to do something that every human does regardless of "race" which is grow hair.

ffrant:

 

[MissNina]

People as a whole, regardless of race have issues about skin color and race.

It's just more a slap in the face when it's someone of YOUR race that shows their ignorance.

I've had people ASSUME that I'm mixed or Hispanic... forget about asking me what my background is, they already "know"

I've never understood it... I don't feel that I look anything other than black.

One time AT WORK, this guy stops in the middle of the store and said "You're mixed aren't you?!" I mean, damn... why is that so important that you stop in the middle of a small crowd of people?

Another time I had been talking to this girl at work for a few months and I thought we were cool... come to find out, she thinks that I'm half white.

WHY do people assume that black people come in ONE flavor? We would be the only race that all have the same skin color, hair types and other features. People don't look twice if they see a blonde with curly hair standing next to a brunette with straight hair.

I even had to school MY OWN MAN. Even after spending nearly 2 years with me, about a month ago he said something about black people having only kinky hair. I had to ask him, do white people only have ONE hairtype? Why is it that black people are viewed as being some anomaly of nature? Unless we are mixed, we all have the same features? He knew what he said was stupid, so he didn't respond.

but... it's too much to ask for everyone to suddenly, magically become intelligent Sometimes even intelligent people have ignorance around the edges. I guess I'll always have to deal with it.
​

I sooooooooo relate to this. Ppl focus on the dumbest things! This has happened to me many times, esp growing up. Like b/c I'm a black girl who does not fit their typical stereotypical view, there has to be a "glitch" in my genetic matrix rather than a glitch in their incredibly flawed logic.

I've had guys repeatedly ask me what I'm mixed with and when I say I'm black, they INSIST I'm mixed with something. Then they proceed to ask what ethnicity my parents are and on down the line until they find the "hidden nonblack links". I don't look anything other than black either. I'm like Angel Luv's complexion. I used to hate going deeper into my background bc I felt like it would make them feel they were right. But they were still wrong.

YES, as most black ppl of all skin tones/backgrounds and especially those from America, my grandparents and some back have various ethnic backgrounds due to historical conditions. SO WHAT??? If anything that makes me just like everyone else in America. I am black and not all black woman are not the same just as all black men are not the same. I don't understand how some ppl can make sense of ppl in the same family having different skin tones but not different hair textures or eye color? I have to set my homeboy straight on that mixed ppl and "good hair" mess every week.

The miseducation of the negro, I tell ya. . .*SMH*

 

[Kurlee]

Ironically, that's the part I take offense to. I don't need anyone treating me like I just made it into the acceptable realm.

exactly!