Are you natural and in your 20s...come on in

[IntelligenceisBeautiful]

Preface:

4 months after I bc'ed I took a short trip to Jamaica to visit relatives. My aunt, who I love dearly and partly raised me, was not happy when she saw my hair. In fact, the whole 4 days I was there she shook her head in disbelief that I'd "shaved" my head and that she hated it. My aunt is from the old school and she couldn't understand why I had gone and "made myself ugly" Being the natural born rebel, I laughed it off, gave her a kiss on the cheek and told her I think she would look great natural.

Now:

So I spoke to my aunt for the first time since my visit and she asked me about my hair. In told her I was still natural and that it was growing beautifully. Admittedly, it has been a trying journey for me, because there were/are days when I'm not pleased with my hair. Anyhow, my aunty got really serious lowered her voice and said to me (picture thick patois): I'n my 20s I was hot, no one could tell me anything! I am just telling you to help you, natural hair don't look good on a young girl". She goes on, get your husband first, get your good job, and hot out (lol) your 20s. Leave the natural hair thing for the older women like myself'".

As much as I laugh it off etc. it bothers me that my aunt thinks natural hair = ugly
so ladies, have you had similar experiences?

 

[lilsparkle825]

Actually, I get way more compliments now that I am natural...it's like I "stand out" or something (reminds me of this Pantene R&N ad that says something about the 'uniqueness' of natural hair, like we aren't born with it). Unfortunately, they are mostly followed with the assumption that I am some exotic racial mix, but that's a different thread. I've had a few wayward comments though; my ex HATED it -- he's a fan of long, straight hair -- and his brother-in-law asked me if I fell in a pool.

 

[that_1_grrrl]

I never heard that one before. I think natural hair looks good on everyone, regardless of age. I think it just depends on hairstyles, really, but that's true of relaxed hairstyles also.

So, enjoy your hair, experiment with different styles, and you'll still look fly.

I know my natural hair hasn't stopped the unwanted attention I get, so I guess that means I'm still hot. Actually, it seems like no one paid attention to me when I had relaxed hair. IDK.

 

[Nonie]

IIB, you know and I know that you have to fight off dem boys with a big stick. So don't let your aunt's imagination blind you to what is true: You're sizzling, Girl! I was natural when I was in my twenties and it never seemed to take anything away from me. And you to me look like a model so believe in what YOU see not what others assume.

 

[Soliel185]

Old-School wives tale hogwash basically.

Culturally and generationally speaking ALOT of things have changed and your Auntie is probably not really hip to that. Think of how many GORGEOUS natural models there are - especially in high fashion (mane & Chic is a good resource for pics) Was Kelis gross and unhot when she did that vid for MilkShake? What about Lauren Hill? (she may be a bad example on the marriage front but she was hot as all hayle and you know it!)

I was natural from 18 to 21 and I was not hurting for attn. I'm transitioning right now @ age 23 and even though my SO confessed that he prefers straight hair I catch him playing in my hair every once in awhile. You can definitely be hot, find a man, get married and get hired and whether or not those things happen for you have nothing to do with your hair.

 

[glamazon386]

I got a few negative reactions when I had a TWA and I guess it made me feel worse because I hated my TWA. I wasn't sure what to do with it and I hadn't quite figured out how to take care of it so it didn't look nice (and for that reason I kept it covered up).

My gram was shocked the first time she saw it. She said "WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL YOUR HAIR?!?!?!" erplexed I was so embarassed. But when she saw it styled and out a few months later she loved it. I was surprised because my mom's family is very color struck and stuck on the good hair thing (as most of them are light with type 2 or 3 hair). Usually if you are dark skinned with "nice" hair you get a pass. I guess I finally got my pass. :rollseyes: I say do what makes you happy.

Overall I got more positive reactions than negative after going natural. Most people love it. My hair looks much better now that I have learned to care for it.

 

[MonPetite]

I was stared at as a circus freak by non-family members.

My relatives did not care for the look and made it clear in snide comments.

Only when I played up my 4a spirals was it half-way acceptable and even then was just me being "odd" or "young".

Apparently being "light" skinned made it bearable in the more extreme views.



The only men who immediately liked it was my (white) major adviser (college student) and my father.

My mother who was apprehensive at first (and preferred me with defined curls) has come to appreciate it and even tell me its cute and does genuinely like it...but would prefer me relaxed and long as I was before.

We'll see which way I go in a few months.

 

[mommy2kaela]

yes there is this woman at work who constantly smirks and laughs at my hair telling me to get a perm and why dont I cut my hair off if I'm going to wear buns and ponytails...I wear my hair out natural and wavy al the time also but she thinks hair isn't "done" unless its relaxed. Shes supposed to have been a beautician...her hair doesn't look healthy at all to me yet shes the expert she says "i'd be bald before I'd have long hair and wear a mop on y head" " get a perm or somthin" Finally I just told her "do u wear ur hair the way u like to?" and she said yes and I said "well so do I" but thats ur aunt so u can't say that to her lol.

 

[htown2DAboot]

Aw, it'll be fine! For me, everyone said they loved the look on me...I haven't really had any negative comments...Plus my hair grows really fast...I'm still in the TWA stage, but it's a way bigger/curlier TWA stage than when I first BC'd...But *** everyone else...This is about YOU....Everything/one else is just background noise...

 

[omnipadme]

The day I shaved my head is the day I met the dude I'm currently engaged to. He also prefers my hair as natural as possible, doesn't even really favor the rollerset. My mom cried though, lol.

 

[Soliel185]

yes there is this woman at work who constantly smirks and laughs at my hair telling me to get a perm and why dont I cut my hair off if I'm going to wear buns and ponytails...I wear my hair out natural and wavy al the time also but she thinks hair isn't "done" unless its relaxed. Shes supposed to have been a beautician...her hair doesn't look healthy at all to me yet shes the expert she says "i'd be bald before I'd have long hair and wear a mop on y head" " get a perm or somthin" Finally I just told her "do u wear ur hair the way u like to?" and she said yes and I said "well so do I" but thats ur aunt so u can't say that to her lol.

I will never understand why people with busted heads are the first to suck their teeth and say something like "all that hair and you don even know what to do with it" ? Did it OCCUR to you that I have all the "HAIR" b/c I don't beat the mess out of it the way you do yours..?


Go take your thirsty split ends, and ate up edges and go sit down somewhere!

 

[Lei*Lei]

My husbands grandmother thinks the same way. Everytime i cut my hair (i went natural 3 times) she always threatens to put me over her lap and spank me. She does not like short hair, and natural, short hair at that. Her hair is natural and long but is soooo heat damaged from constant straightening. My mother in law is the same, got mad when i cut my hair. I just laugh it off and say it will grow back, don't worry about it. In the back of my mind i can't wait to make her jealous when my hair grows long

I'm 24 and went natural for the first time when i was 20. I get alot of compliments on my hair still. I don't see natural hair on younger ladies as ugly at all! I do think natural hair makes people look younger though, but is that really a bad thing! Your Aunt is just old school when it comes to hair...just like alot of people.

My inlaws have gotten way over it (well, they had no choice LOL). I met my husband when i had relaxed hair, but he was fine when i big chopped.

 

[luxe.li.]

Well my mother told me I'd hate it, it'd be TOO nappy to comb, that I'd have to keep it short like my aunt (who has natural hair) because it'll be too wild and unmanageable to maintain. She obviously doesn't know what she's talking about. Besides that, my grandmother asked me if I wanted to get a perm, I said no, but my hair was straight then and I told her even though its straight its natural. My aunts asked me how is my hair sooo thick now even straight I told them because I'm natural, but I have some natural hair aunts so I don't get a lot of negative comments.

But I wear my hair straight sometimes, natural and covered for protection other times, so no one has seen the full effect. I can't wait til I get some length so I can show my natural hair in all its glory.

PS natural hair is sexy!!! I get a bit jealous when I see a woman with a big natural hair and I think....oooh when my hair gets longer!!!! I'mma be a baadddddd biiisshh! lol

 

[IntelligenceisBeautiful]

I've never had a problem with the boys relaxed or natural and 95% of the ppl. closest to me love me natural and encourages me to stay natural and that's a beautiful thing

However, it bothers me that my aunt thinks and says these things and her son (my fav. cousin) is no better. When I bc'ed he was like "now why did you do that?".

 

[ctosha]

I can honestly say I have not recieved any negative responses pertaining to my natural hair. The only thing that annoys me sometimes when ppl constantly keep asking me to straighten my hair. Im not saying I will never but at this time my hair is finally "behaving" and I am figuring out styles that I can do with my hair when its curly. My boyfriend met me when I was relaxed and he loves my curly hair he likes to play in it

 

[Dee Raven]

My mother and two aunts are both natural and we're from the bay area so everyone in my family has a hippy streak, so there were no problems there. But one of my uncles did "jokingly" refer to the fact that I was making it difficult for guys to be attracted me, and that did hurt my feelings. But whatever, I'm healthier, and you know what I'm glad if it is difficult because why would I want to be with someone who would have me alter how I was naturally made to fit their sense of beauty.

As far as people in general , I do feel like I get more favorable comments from non-African Americans.

 

[Channie]

When I chopped all my hair off, my reactions were 50/50.
-All of my friends were like WTF??? at first.
-I got a whole bunch of "Why?"'s of course.
-Had a few ex's who took the "Noooooooo!" approach. (As if life itself was ending because I wasn't holding on to those horribly double processed ends.)
-Mom said "What? You're just gonna wear an afro now?" (as if that's my only styling option as a natural. )
-My aunt said "I wish I was brave enough"
Then everyone saw how it suited me, they now tell me how it looks nice. (I'm sure it was because of the visible curls. I'm sure if I was a complete 4b or CNapp I would've gotten more not-so-friendly responses)
Then they were amazed how fast it grew back. Some members of my family ask for hair tips now (and I'm not even anywhere near my goal. That makes me feel better knowing it at least looks healthy enough to ask my advice) As far as the opposite sex, I haven't had too much love lost. And new 'suitors' tend to be of better caliber on surface compared to before. Somebody's ALWAYS playing in my hair. FH loves it, and encouraged me to go for the BC way ahead of time. I'm glad I did.

 

[DMJ's Mom]

I've been natural since I was 21 (well except for about a 4 month span when I was texlaxed) and have gotten asked on more dates and hit on more times since being natural than I ever got being relaxed. DH has only seen my hair straighten twice since we met and both times and has told me both times its just not me.

 

[BrooklynSouth]

During my 20's I was all natural with a big, big fro and had no problems. I had a problem with my hair wrapping in ties; people did not like it, they wanted to see my hair.

 

[nelcoy]

My mother and grandma are the same way.

 

[ShaniKeys]

Very intresting OP, I get where your aunt is coming from. I always said to myself that I want to age with my natural hair (I might even rock the Toni Morrison look, I like it alot). But I don't think natural hair belongs to a certain age group, but alot of black people view it that way: natural from 0-12 yrs, start relaxing in your teens and go back to natural when you're getting old. I haven't had too many negative comments about my natural hair honestly, I usually wear two strand twists, and most black people here think that they're braids, when I tell them it's my real hair they're shocked. However, when I just sport a puff, I get 'the negative look' from blacks, the only black girl at work laughed at my two bantu knots todayerplexed.

 

[BrandNew]

I'm 20 and I recently BC and I have gotten positive as well as negative reviews from my family. In the summer while transitioning I was wearing a braidout at church and my grandmother asked 'sweety when was the last time you combed your hair?' lmao! No one took me serious while I was transitioning and since I cut they are mostly shocked and tight lipped.

 

[IntelligenceisBeautiful]

IIB, you know and I know that you have to fight off dem boys with a big stick. So don't let your aunt's imagination blind you to what is true: You're sizzling, Girl! I was natural when I was in my twenties and it never seemed to take anything away from me. And you to me look like a model so believe in what YOU see not what others assume.

you're such a sweetie

 

[Junebug D]

I'm in my 20s. Thankfully no one has been excessively negative towards my hair. Mostly because everyone I know knows that they can't talk about anyone's hair...

Male attention hasn't slowed down for me any either. Honestly, I don't think men are all that concerned about our hair. It's other areas they like to ogle. One even did tell me he prefers long hair, but it still didn't slow him down any.

 

[Oasis]

I've gotten nothing but compliments on my natural hair. When I first shaved my head people were shocked and asked what made me do it but they talked about how great it looked nonetheless.

The only people who make it known they don’t like it is my mom and grandparents. But the people who actually matter like it.

 

[luxe.li.]

Very intresting OP, I get where your aunt is coming from. I always said to myself that I want to age with my natural hair (I might even rock the Toni Morrison look, I like it alot). But I don't think natural hair belongs to a certain age group, but alot of black people view it that way: natural from 0-12 yrs, start relaxing in your teens and go back to natural when you're getting old. I haven't had too many negative comments about my natural hair honestly, I usually wear two strand twists, and most black people here think that they're braids, when I tell them it's my real hair they're shocked. However, when I just sport a puff, I get 'the negative look' from blacks, the only black girl at work laughed at my two bantu knots todayerplexed.

Where do you live?

I live in Atlanta and I see alot of young naturals....rocking it straight, rocking it in a curly hawk, rocking the puffy afro, rocking beanies, rocking twists, rocking twist outs....and they all look fierce because they own it.

I really believe natural hair belongs to anyone who choses to have it, because its natural you know? It comes from their scalp, its what they are born with.....so I really frown upon people who try to tell me its "unprofessional" you know how it is at the job or workplace....because its natural LOL its as natural as my skin tone and eye color.....but I guess it depends on where you live maybe??

 

[lovinglength]

Before I went natural, I had a pretty nice grade of relaxed hair which was about APL. So when I finally cut all the relaxer off, some people were like, "why did you cut all that pretty hair?!" But over all, I get way more compliments and people are amazed at my hair. I've had plenty of women ask me,"ooooo, where did you get that pony piece?" ...They just assume it's fake. And people ask if they can touch it. It's so weird sometimes.

 

[ShaniKeys]

Where do you live?

I live in Atlanta and I see alot of young naturals....rocking it straight, rocking it in a curly hawk, rocking the puffy afro, rocking beanies, rocking twists, rocking twist outs....and they all look fierce because they own it.

I really believe natural hair belongs to anyone who choses to have it, because its natural you know? It comes from their scalp, its what they are born with.....so I really frown upon people who try to tell me its "unprofessional" you know how it is at the job or workplace....because its natural LOL its as natural as my skin tone and eye color.....but I guess it depends on where you live maybe??

I live in Belgium. I don't know if my post came across as negative, because that was surely not what I was trying to say. I don't believe that natural hair belongs to a certain age group, that's what I said. But I do know African people that feel that way, my mom is 50 now, and she stopped relaxing five years ago I think. I wish everyone would feel that way about natural hair, because I certainly do, but most Africans here do not feel that way at all, relaxing and wearing weaves or wigs is the norm here. I had an African pastor tell me I needed a relaxer ASAP when I was transitioning. I guess it does depend on where you live.

 

[Soliel185]

I think it's interesting that most AA with this mindset will give "curly" or "good" hair a pass, but if you hair doesn't fit that they'll ask

"when is the last time you combed your hair?"

Which shows their ignorance, b/c combing and all that ruins the curls in the first place! erplexed

 

[natstar]

Im 26 and I have had natural hair in one form or another (twa, locs, loose) since high school. I get attention from those that I am attracted to. I pretty much ignore everything else-I take really good care of my hair so Im not concerned w/anyone's viewpoint. i agree w/the other poster that a lot of guys aren't overly concerned. Also, I feel the most confidence and sexiest when my hair is big, wild and out sooo-who cares what anyone says.

Intellegence-I agree with the other poster- you are gorgeous! Forget any "tips" you may get from family in this situation.