DH Depressed me a Bit........Wants the Michelle Obama look

[Lucky's Mom]

I Asked my DH about general hair questions...

He said - he preferred the Michelle Obama look.

What?

We have been married for 7 years... I was shocked.

I am struggling to find a HAIR identity...And this kind of- Set me back.

Luckily - he did say he likes twists and braids... Because he is "used to" those....
But his preference is Straight hair.

*****SIGH****************

 

[Dommo]

Most guys i know prefer straight hair...When i went natural, my SO seemed very supportive and always complimented my hair. As soon as I relaxed, he told me how he really felt and that he preferred me with straight or wavy hair. He was like, "Babe, it's not like I didn't like it; you can wear any hairstyle and look beautiful...It's just that now you look soooooo "

Don't feel bad; just maybe wear a straight wig one night in bed...Sometimes guys just want something a little different from the norm once in a while. Its totally normal

 

[Cheleigh]

Rule #1--don't ask people questions you might not want to hear the answers to.

My SO probably prefers my hair straight. I don't know, because I don't ask him. Either he'll say "yes," and since I don't wear it straight that often, where would that leave me? erplexed Or he says "no," and I wonder if he's lying, or if he hates it straight. So, it's best for me to leave it alone. As long as the compliments keep coming, regardless of my hair's texture, then I'm good. I know that he likes it best if I change up the hair style (the buns bore him).

Oh and for the record, I also don't offer my opinion on how I prefer his hair or anything like that. There are certain styles/cuts I prefer more than others, but he's got to be happy with the person he looks at in the mirror--and a happy SO means a happy me! I compliment him when he's looking fab, and leave it at that.

 

[brucebettye]

When I first got married to my husband I used to care about his opinion concerning my hair. Now that we have been married for almost 12 years I do not care if he likes my hair or not. It is on my head and if I like it I am happy. I will wear my hair curly, straight, braids, weave, or a wig when I feel like it!!!!!!!

But if your husband likes it straight and you care about his opinion wear it straight sometimes to make him happy. But keep in mind you have to be happy with your hair and also keep in mind that Michelle Obama hair is in style since she is the first black lady in the white house. Also you have to do all the work to take care of your hair so it is up to you and your hair does not define who you are. It is only hair and it will grow back even if you cut it all off. Since you are struggling to find an identity is it really your hair that is the problem? Take out some time alone to see if that is really the problem because you have some beautiful hair.

 

[Lebiya]

I don’t think my SO has a preference, as long as I look good and change it up once in a while, he doesn’t mind. But either way I’ll do what’s BEST for my hair at the time. I wont style my hair in styles that I’ll feel unattractive in or abuse my hair just to please him, it goes both ways, we can meet in the middle. And any man of mine must adore me au naturale n' all.

As for now, I’m on a hair journey so whatever he’s doesn’t like, he better get use to.

I think most men prefer straight hair because that’s what’s shoved down their throats 24/7. I say change it up once in a while if it wont cause damage.

Straight hair is boring to me though.

 

[discodumpling]

Everything ain't for everybody. DH & I have been together for 19 yrs & if I cared to ask his opinion about my hair he would probably say he likes it str8. But actions speak louder than words & he can't keep his hands outta my napps!
...if this hair journey is such a learning & eye opening experience for US imagine how confusing it must be to the mind of a simple man?

 

[2inspireU]

I've noticed that it is black men that heavily prefer straight hair. When I straighten my hair I swear the stares and the amount of black men in my face is ridiculous. However, with other men of different nationalities, I have noticed that they prefer my hair curly. I get more attention or there is no difference in reaction when my hair is curly vs. straight with men from different ethnic backgrounds.

 

[sqzbly1908]

Girl do not let that bother you...men are just so visual where as women look beyond the physical...You have to do what's good for you, it will not do you any good to have a style that he likes but you are not feeling it. (Your hair is gorgeous in your siggy)

You would have been wrong if you stated to him that you preferred the "Denzel look"

 

[Sugar Brown]

You will not find your own identity if you make your choices based on what your DH likes.

It's good to know his preferences (about hair or anything else) so you can surprise him once in a while but you have to decide what your preferences are for yourself.

 

[CukiMonstersBabyMama]

Rule #1--don't ask people questions you might not want to hear the answers to.

Second. I also give your DH props for telling you what he thinks and not what you want to hear.

 

[turnergirl]

I learned early on that what I did with my hair was about what I wanted and what made me happy. That is with people in general but with men it's even more serious. I have had men in my family attempt to dictate what I did with my hair and I wasn't having it. I began dating this guy during my transition. It was early in my transition. My hair was about APL when we met. A few months after we started dating I chopped to a chin length bob. Then 2 months after that I BC'd to 1 inch. I am sure he was pretty shocked but if he had a problem with it there were plenty of long straight hair women out there for him.

Around the time I was dating this guy loosely, I began dating my would be husband and he didn't have much to say either about it. I wil agree with some other posters there are many black men who prefer straight hair and men of other ethnicities like textured hair.

I used to get request after request from latin men to wash my hair, touch my hair and just play in it. These were people off the street. White men always asked to touch my hair. I don't know what the deal is with brothers. I still got hit on a lot but I think that was the change in personality I underwent when I first went natural. It was a kind of a spiritual metamorphasis for me but it materialized in the raw but sensuous manner. The men were everywhere.

You know black men come around when you have a lot of hair also. As my hair got bigger and bigger (cause that's what natural hair does) men were coming left and right. More importantly my fiance, by that time, was all over it. My hair has always served as an expression of where I was. When I changed it he just took it as is. He enjoys wondering what will happen next.

When I decided to texturize my hair and then go bone straight, he did speak up about missing "the curly" as he called it but that was only once.

 

[chosen07]

I can definitely relate. I'm a newlywed and DH has been saying from since we began dating.(6 years ago)..the look he prefers. i gave it a good effort but I just can't embrace it. so I told him that I have to "do me" and although I was petrified that he would hate my new look and it would be an "issue", we both have embraced the natural and curly me. I do plan though to give him a treat once in a while and straighten it once i get more length. I do struggle from time-to-time as to whether I'm still as attractive...but I know I am. and his actions have confirmed this.
but I agree with pp, I now refrained from asking his opinion on my hair and I don't offer mine for his choices either!

 

[PinkSkates]

I Asked my DH about general hair questions...

He said - he preferred the Michelle Obama look.

What?

We have been married for 7 years... I was shocked.

I am struggling to find an identity...And this kind of- Set me back.

Luckily - he did say he likes twists and braids... Because he is "used to" those....
But his preference is Straight hair.

*****SIGH****************

Aloha, i just realized who you were! Sometimes i have avis and siggys turned off!
But that's the beauty of having natural hair. You can wear it in styles to keep DH happy and on your next shampoo day you can switch it up and wear it to make you happy!

 

[blessedandlucky]

You will not find your own identity if you make your choices based on what your DH likes.

It's good to know his preferences (about hair or anything else) so you can surprise him once in a while but you have to decide what your preferences are for yourself.

couldn't have said it better myself. totally agree.

 

[Denise11]

I wouldn't really care to ask him of his opinion on my hair. I love my SO, and he knows it but my hair and what I want to look like is my decision, not his. He don't consult me before getting his hair cut and trimmed, or about how I want his facial hair trimmed. You can love someone and want to look good for them, but some decisions should just be yours, like how you want to look. His look for you may not be what you like, and if you change for him, you'll be very unhappy. Love him but keep some things to yourself, and us LHCF ladies.

 

[Allandra]

There's a lot of variety with having natural hair. Maybe you can wear it straight sometimes and curly sometimes.

 

[Aggie]

LM, don't allow this new revelation to bum you out girl. He is your husband and you've been together for 7 years. He is not about to do something irrational over his preference for the looks of your hair. The good thing is, our hair is so versatile, we can wear it straight if we want to and if you choose to please him every now and then, straighten it "just for him". This lets him know that you do value his opinion and is willing to meet him halfway provided that he understands what your ultimate hair goals are. I am learning that compromise is important in lasting relationships. I wouldn't worry about it too much sweetie.

 

[melodies815]

I Asked my DH about general hair questions...

He said - he preferred the Michelle Obama look.

What?

We have been married for 7 years... I was shocked.

I am struggling to find an identity...And this kind of- Set me back.

Luckily - he did say he likes twists and braids... Because he is "used to" those....
But his preference is Straight hair.

*****SIGH****************

Hey there, Sweetiepie! I read this and am surprised to read that you are "struggling to find an identity." It's not that I think you don't know yourself better than we do. You do. I do think, however, that you are responding to your feelings about his answer. Please don't ket your momentary feelings trick you into thinking you have not found your identity.

You have a very clear and evident identity on this hair board, and you express yourself very clearly on a regular basis, regardless of who agrees or disagrees. I don't think identity is the issue at all.

I think you just love your husband and want him to be happy with you and how you look. This is normal. I am the exact same way; however, I do not let my husband's like or dislikes dictate my "identity." His likes DO dictate my habits/actions from day to day, but not who I am inside. It's the same for you, beautiful lady.

If hubby likes the Michelle Obama look, get a pic of her from a magazine, frame it, and hang it where he can look at her hair. lol Make it a teeny tiny joke - if his personality can handle that and won't view it as being a smartypants. Then go ahead and do you in all your God-given glory. Or...you can also Sabino your hair more regularly so he can see the straight look. Either way - whether you make light of it or change one of your behaviors - don't doubt who you are, precious one. (Am I chanelling Shimmie today, or what?? ) What he said was a tad insensitive; my husband does it all the time unintentionally. He's just being honest without regard for how the words might affect you. No harm intended, I can almost promise you...and it's not a statement about the health of your marriage either, which I am sure you already know as well. He's just being a man.

Samantha, you have a strong, well-informed, helpful, powerful identity. I think LHCF allows us to be who we would be in the rest of our lives if we did not allow other concerns to creep in unawares. Be encouraged and know that you are exactly who God made you to be at all times, hubby's input and affirmations or not. You are beautiful, the apple of Gods eye, worth far more that rubies, fearfully and wonderfully made, precious, unique...and the list goes on and on.

Be encouraged, beautiful woman, to eat the meat and spit out the bones...

Hair and sister Love,
In Christ,

Christi

 

[Lucky's Mom]

Rule #1--don't ask people questions you might not want to hear the answers to.

My SO probably prefers my hair straight. I don't know, because I don't ask him. Either he'll say "yes," and since I don't wear it straight that often, where would that leave me? erplexed Or he says "no," and I wonder if he's lying, or if he hates it straight. So, it's best for me to leave it alone. As long as the compliments keep coming, regardless of my hair's texture, then I'm good. I know that he likes it best if I change up the hair style (the buns bore him).

Oh and for the record, I also don't offer my opinion on how I prefer his hair or anything like that. There are certain styles/cuts I prefer more than others, but he's got to be happy with the person he looks at in the mirror--and a happy SO means a happy me! I compliment him when he's looking fab, and leave it at that.

SO? You are not married - I will presume. Marraige - is a whole different story.

 

[Lucky's Mom]

wow......

wow.

thank you sis.

I want to please my DH. Marriage is that important to me. If one is not married - that is TOTALLY different. He has grown his beard - ( he hates it ) for ME.

"identity"......OK - let me explain

I meant "hair Identity" - finding a consistent, sexy, inexpensive hair style.....Lately - I have been bored with my hair.

I was sharing - because I do feel supported here - 99% of the time.

At 41 yrs old....... I know who I am.....and I who I am working to be.

Hey there, Sweetiepie! I read this and am surprised to read that you are "struggling to find an identity." It's not that I think you don't know yourself better than we do. You do. I do think, however, that you are responding to your feelings about his answer. Please don't ket your momentary feelings trick you into thinking you have not found your identity.

You have a very clear and evident identity on this hair board, and you express yourself very clearly on a regular basis, regardless of who agrees or disagrees. I don't think identity is the issue at all.

I think you just love your husband and want him to be happy with you and how you look. This is normal. I am the exact same way; however, I do not let my husband's like or dislikes dictate my "identity." His likes DO dictate my habits/actions from day to day, but not who I am inside. It's the same for you, beautiful lady.

If hubby likes the Michelle Obama look, get a pic of her from a magazine, frame it, and hang it where he can look at her hair. lol Make it a teeny tiny joke - if his personality can handle that and won't view it as being a smartypants. Then go ahead and do you in all your God-given glory. Or...you can also Sabino your hair more regularly so he can see the straight look. Either way - whether you make light of it or change one of your behaviors - don't doubt who you are, precious one. (Am I chanelling Shimmie today, or what?? ) What he said was a tad insensitive; my husband does it all the time unintentionally. He's just being honest without regard for how the words might affect you. No harm intended, I can almost promise you...and it's not a statement about the health of your marriage either, which I am sure you already know as well. He's just being a man.

Samantha, you have a strong, well-informed, helpful, powerful identity. I think LHCF allows us to be who we would be in the rest of our lives if we did not allow other concerns to creep in unawares. Be encouraged and know that you are exactly who God made you to be at all times, hubby's input and affirmations or not. You are beautiful, the apple of Gods eye, worth far more that rubies, fearfully and wonderfully made, precious, unique...and the list goes on and on.

Be encouraged, beautiful woman, to eat the meat and spit out the bones...

Hair and sister Love,
In Christ,

Christi

 

[DragonPearl]

Funny, we have opposite problem. I am married and DH actually prefers my hair natural. He rolls his eyes at me when I flatiron my hair, and will grudgingly say that I look good only after much prompting.

Sigh...

I am kind of tired of natural hair after 8 years, so I plan to straighten my hair within the next 2 months. He is going to have to get used to my straight hair. And then as soon as he is used to it, who knows, I might get tired of straight hair and go natural again. C'est la vie.

 

[sweetwhispers]

SO? You are not married - I will presume. Marraige - is a whole different story.

erplexed ouch.
Maybe you should change the title to only married women's input wanted.

 

[cicilypayne]

Men live for the moment they don't think about healthy hair or anything like that..do you know how many men in the 1980's wanted their wife/girlfriends to have the Clair Huxatable look. Millions

 

[Aggie]

erplexed ouch.
Maybe you should change the title to only married women's input wanted.

I'm not married but I totally get where LM's coming from and I do understand from a biblical standpoint how important it is to compromise in marraige, afterall we who are in Christ are married to HIM first and then to our SOs and HE teaches us by HIS Spirit how to treat our husbands/SOs if we listen to HIM. Sorry, I didn't mean to sound preachy but I am who I am and out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.

I am sure LM didn't mean to hurt anyone by being blunt but the truth is the truth and I honestly feel that no harm was intended.

LM, I pray that God would intervene and give you the peace you crave in this endeavor with your hubby.

~HUGS~

 

[sweetwhispers]

There is blunt and there is rude. Do i know whether cheleigh is married or not. No i do not, its not hard to simply skip over a post or say thank you for your advice. I really don't know what the bible has to do with it imo no offence to you aggie. Its called common courtesy and manners.

 

[Lucky's Mom]

I'm not married but I totally get where LM's coming from and I do understand from a biblical standpoint how important it is to compromise in marraige, afterall we who are in Christ are married to HIM first and then to our SOs and HE teaches us by HIS Spirit how to treat our husbands/SOs if we listen to HIM. Sorry, I didn't mean to sound preachy but I am who I am and out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.

I am sure LM didn't mean to hurt anyone by being blunt but the truth is the truth and I honestly feel that no harm was intended.

LM, I pray that God would intervene and give you the peace you crave in this endeavor with your hubby.

~HUGS~

smooches aggie.....thx

 

[Lucky's Mom]

There is blunt and there is rude. Do i know whether cheleigh is married or not. No i do not, its not hard to simply skip over a post or say thank you for your advice. I really don't know what the bible has to do with it imo no offence to you aggie. Its called common courtesy and manners.

I don't think I was discourteous...

I believe marraige is different than dating/boyfriend relationships.

 

[melodies815]

Thanks for clarifying, SJ. Better edit that ("hair identity") into your post so we don't all come in here encouraging you to pieces!!! I was/am concerned about the okay-ness one of my hair inspirations. Like that word?

cj

 

[Lucky's Mom]

Thanks for clarifying, SJ. Better edit that ("hair identity") into your post so we don't all come in here encouraging you to pieces!!! I was/am concerned about the okay-ness one of my hair inspirations. Like that word?

cj

Love it!!!!!!

 

[Aggie]

Thanks for clarifying, SJ. Better edit that ("hair identity") into your post so we don't all come in here encouraging you to pieces!!! I was/am concerned about the okay-ness one of my hair inspirations. Like that word?

cj

mel you are so cute.