DH Depressed me a Bit........Wants the Michelle Obama look

[SunnyDelight]

I don't think I was discourteous...

I believe marraige is different than dating/boyfriend relationships.

I haven't read all of this thread so I don't know all that was said. However, I've been married for more than 20 years and YES - I still ask DH what he likes and doesn't like and vice versa.

Lucky's mom - I applaude you for being considerate of your husband - his likes and dislikes. I'm sure that he appreciates all that you do and I'm sure that you'll find a happy medium.

 

[Ediese]

I totally get what you're talking about. My SO's preference is for my hair to be pulled back slickly in a bun everyday if I could. Since I've been wearing a kinky curly weave, he keeps telling me to moisturize it. lol It looks like Joan from Girlfriends. I love to wear it like that...no one knows that it's not real. To appease him, I slick the weave back and he really likes it.

We're going on a weekend trip on Friday, and this is what he text me.

Him: 330ish from my house. Gotta be fly now! Hair pulled back and dress you wore to bball game.

Me: Okay that's cool. U don't like my hair out?

Him: Nope. It doesn't know how to "relax". lol Can u maybe try the twin afro puffs? I think I'd like that w/a tight dress.

Now yall know he is wrong for that. LOL When I wore my hair pressed, and straight he didn't like it either. He just loves it slick and wavy pulled back. Go figure.

 

[Lucky's Mom]

I haven't read all of this thread so I don't know all that was said. However, I've been married for more than 20 years and YES - I still ask DH what he likes and doesn't like and vice versa.

Lucky's mom - I applaude you for being considerate of your husband - his likes and dislikes. I'm sure that he appreciates all that you do and I'm sure that you'll find a happy medium.

Thanks Sunny.
You are Awesome.

22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

That is all I am trying to go by.....

 

[Lucky's Mom]

LOL..... I feel ya!
I try to Flat iron for our anniversary - Marriage retreats, etc....

Thanks again for understanding. I thought many DW ( dear wives) would understand!

I totally get what you're talking about. My SO's preference is for my hair to be pulled back slickly in a bun. Since I've been wearing a kinky curly weave, he keeps telling me to moisturize it. lol We're going on a weekend trip on Friday, and this is what he text me.

Him: 330ish from my house. Gotta be fly now! Hair pulled back and dress you wore to bball game.

Me: Okay that's cool. U don't like my hair out?

Him: Nope. It doesn't know how to "relax". lol Can u maybe try the twin afro puffs? I think I'd like that w/a tight dress.

Now yall know he is wrong for that. LOL When I wore my hair pressed, and straight he didn't like it either. He just loves it slick and wavy pulled back. Go figure.

 

[DragonPearl]

Thanks Sunny.
You are Awesome.

22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

That is all I am trying to go by.....

Then, submit to him and straighten your hair. Case solved.

 

[Caramela]

My dh's preference is long. And that's it. When I told him I wanted to transition and cut my relaxed hair off, you would have thought I told him that the sun had turned black and the moon had turned to blood Needless to say, my hair is still as relaxed as ever!

 

[melodies815]

mel you are so cute.

Well...I try...

How is your trip coming along? Loving that warm, Nebraska weather, or are you back home yet?

"Mel" for you
cj for the rest of the world

Love ya!
cj

 

[melodies815]

Then, submit to him and straighten your hair. Case solved.

Trying so hard not to...

I love this board.

cj

 

[HoneyDew]

I don't think it is that big of a deal.

I like when men are honest. I prefer straight honesty over dishonesty coated with kindness.

But, i do believe that there will always be something that a guy will prefer when it comes to physical appearance.

When I hear things like that, i am like "I like that look, too. I can do it for you sometimes, but I personally prefer my hair...blah blah blah."

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

I think that marriage is about compromise, not one person submitting to the other all the time.

If you're going by the bible verse you quoted, then is he demanding that you wear your hair that way? Or is he just telling you what he prefers, in which case he's saying that he married you and not your hair and will love you no matter what.

DH and I went through this when I first went natural, but I'm still going to wear my hair how I want because it's my hair.

 

[melodies815]

Sometimes I wish we were all sitting in a circle of girlfriends when we share our thoughts on peoples' posts so that we could see facial expressions and laugh with one another. So much gets lost online.

I love how the threads ebb and flow and change...eventually (maybe) getting back to the point the OP was trying to make. I'll be watching this and giggling or shaking my head as it goes.

Love you, Samantha!

Good night, everyone!

HHG and sweet dreams to us all...:blowkiss:
cj

 

[yamilee21]

Men live for the moment they don't think about healthy hair or anything like that...

This is so true. My husband is always asking me to get a relaxer, just so he "can see what it looks like." I tell him it will look exactly like what it looks like when I blow-dry/straighten until I get caught in the rain. (My hair was always resistant to relaxers.) We've been married 7 years, and he still keeps asking anyway.

 

[Alastri]

You have to make yourself happy. Luckily my SO loves my hair. If I straighten it he tells me I should go wash it so it kinks back up

 

[RegaLady]

You have to make yourself happy. Luckily my SO loves my hair. If I straighten it he tells me I should go wash it so it kinks back up

MEN...
ITA...Dh is the same way!OP, I feel 1000 times over. I was a natural girl when Dh met me and he LOVED IT. Since then I have cut it and relaxed it(which I loved, and probably would have said was MY hair identity). He LOVED the short cut, but I wanted something different. I asked him how he felt about me growing my hair out, and he went ga-ga. DH absolutely LOVES my kinky hair and he says he doesn't care for length( even though I know my hair in it natural state will need to be longer). Anyway, at first it jacked me up because his opinion means alot to me, and I really thought he liked me the way I liked me. It is a bit disappointing. But lucky for you, you can straigten your hair at times and wash and wear it at times. It becomes a problem when you have a relaxer and your man wants it kinky, then you have to cut it and start all over.

Do what you like to do, and as someone metioned earlier, you won't know your hair identitiy until you do what YOU want to do. I hope everything works out.

 

[Lucky's Mom]

I think that marriage is about compromise, not one person submitting to the other all the time.

If you're going by the bible verse you quoted, then is he demanding that you wear your hair that way? Or is he just telling you what he prefers, in which case he's saying that he married you and not your hair and will love you no matter what.

DH and I went through this when I first went natural, but I'm still going to wear my hair how I want because it's my hair.

Here is the good news. Submission is not about Demands... by any means.

And - yes - he spoke of his preference.

 

[Aggie]

Well...I try...

How is your trip coming along? Loving that warm, Nebraska weather, or are you back home yet?

"Mel" for you
cj for the rest of the world

Love ya!
cj

, Thank you honey. I you too and "warm Nebraska weather", now that is just funny. I have to keep drinking hot tea and coffee to keep my body ultra warm but slowly, very very slowwwwwly my body is adjusting to the cold up here.

 

[Nonie]

Lucky Mom, I'm sure he could get the same do if he carried her pic to the stylist next time he goes.

My hubby would prefer I wear my hair out every day, all day long. I think he'd love to see it straightened too. He used to hate it natural and preferred it permed. Only he's welcome to wear his hair how he pleases. Now when it comes to MY hair, I do me. I LOVE my hair in any way I choose to wear it. I loved it permed. I love it nappy. I love it straight. I love it curly. I love it under a wrap. I love it braided. I love it under a hat. I love it twisted. A few of my preferences have grown on him but he still has issues with some--or more so, with me not wearing some more often. But it's my hair and I am on a mission to grow it to the floor. So when I get there, both of us can go to the stylist that styles it how he likes it. For now, he's on his own. He can get a card from your hubby and go get his hair done the way they both want it.

He'll thank me later when he sees what all my stubbornness was for. He loves long hair, as do I, but it doesn't just happen by magic. So like a kid that you just ignore coz you know better, that's sorta whatchu hafta do with our the species that never grow up. Do what's good for them (OK for you). They'll grow up one day and realize "Mom" knew best.

ETA: OK let me read the entire thread now. Just saw the first post and ran with it.

 

[Jaxhair]

My DH LOVES my napps best. infact, if he had his way, he'd have me wear a TWAor a shrunken 'fro forever. When I first went natural and cut my hair he adored it and couldn't keep his hands away. Then I relaxed and he hated it - and so did I. It was such a shoddy job, he was happy to cut it for me. He likes my hair now, especially when it's loose, so always wonders why I feel the need to twist/braid etc. He just doesn't undestand that to get it to grow long it's got to be handled with care. He always remarks when I'm getting it done too but ultimately though, it's my hair and whatever makes me happy is what i'll go with. He accepts that, so I'm thankful. After all, I don't make him grow his remaining hair long, do I? ;-).

 

[crazydaze911]

My SO def prefers my hair relaxed. Not just straight, but relaxed. I had my hair straight this past weekend he was like 'why does it look like that?' LMBO. I have what pple in grade school called 'big hair' - a helmet. so when my hair is straight it looks like a peggy bundy do. I go to the dominicans and everything. By the time i'm home, its huge - and its cold and sunny outside, AND i wrap it, so i dont understand erplexed.

I am NOT going back to relaxing, so to compromise, i get the BKT or smthg similar twice a year - it is officially the only thing that will get my hair stick straight and less bulky. Its expensive and the more my natural hair outgrows my relaxed, the less it works, but im hanging in there....

I like my hair either way, but its so much easier to deal with straight and i do feel a bit sexier w/out the shrinkage.

 

[likewtr4chklit]

My DH of course would prefer long straight relaxed hair b/c that's all he's been exposed to. He's never been with a black woman with healthy, beautiful natural hair of any length for that matter. I did compromise by deciding not to BC too short, but that's about it. If he loves me he'll get over something so superficial as straight or curly.

 

[lwilliams1922]

my DH feels the same way. He wont say directly because he wants to be supportive.

I Asked my DH about general hair questions...

He said - he preferred the Michelle Obama look.

What?

We have been married for 7 years... I was shocked.

I am struggling to find a HAIR identity...And this kind of- Set me back.

Luckily - he did say he likes twists and braids... Because he is "used to" those....
But his preference is Straight hair.

*****SIGH****************

 

[misstobz]

Interesting my SO, likes me natural/in braids(as 'natural' as possible)...doesnt like wigs/weaves. I am actually natural 4b and I dont think I have 100% embraced my hair. I wear wigs and weaves and braids-he always has something to say-calling me fake! Sometimes is gets me down, then I just tell him to mind his own business, its my hair it is part of the package so he should take it or leave it! That usually shuts him up-haha

Gosh there are things he wears I dont like-and he definitely has not changed his style after 1.5 years of me telling him I am not into that. Now I have just accepted his style-if he is happy then I am happy It should work both ways right????

 

[Lucky's Mom]

Lucky Mom, I'm sure he could get the same do if he carried her pic to the stylist next time he goes.

My hubby would prefer I wear my hair out every day, all day long. I think he'd love to see it straightened too. He used to hate it natural and preferred it permed. Only he's welcome to wear his hair how he pleases. Now when it comes to MY hair, I do me. I LOVE my hair in any way I choose to wear it. I loved it permed. I love it nappy. I love it straight. I love it curly. I love it under a wrap. I love it braided. I love it under a hat. I love it twisted. A few of my preferences have grown on him but he still has issues with some--or more so, with me not wearing some more often. But it's my hair and I am on a mission to grow it to the floor. So when I get there, both of us can go to the stylist that styles it how he likes it. For now, he's on his own. He can get a card from your hubby and go get his hair done the way they both want it.

He'll thank me later when he sees what all my stubbornness was for. He loves long hair, as do I, but it doesn't just happen by magic. So like a kid that you just ignore coz you know better, that's sorta whatchu hafta do with our the species that never grow up. Do what's good for them (OK for you). They'll grow up one day and realize "Mom" knew best.

ETA: OK let me read the entire thread now. Just saw the first post and ran with it.

 

[msa]

You have to make yourself happy. Luckily my SO loves my hair. If I straighten it he tells me I should go wash it so it kinks back up

OMG I love your hair it's beautiful!


Ummm Sam I have no experience in this area so I have no opinion.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Wow, my ex was TOTALLY in love with my natural hair. I was transitioning still when we got together, and he kept asking when I would cut off the straight hair. We ended up breaking up before I BC'ed, but when I did he wanted me to send him pics of the fro. Then again, he wasn't black. Do what makes YOU happy, I'm sure SOs' don't everything about them that we'd like.

 

[Starr1]

Marriage is about give and take, and while it's important to take your spouse's preferences in to account, it's also important to not lose yourself. My DH loves when I wear my hair long, curly and down. . . but in order for it to look good when it's down and stay long I have to keep it up most of the time and take care of it so that when I do wear it down it looks just like he likes it. He likes how henna makes it look, but he hates the smell of henna, so I do henna glosses instead- the result is it's less smelly but I still get the benefits.

The majority of men don't really care about the process, they just want the results. However no man (at least none I've met) is a fan of chewed up, breaking off, unhealthy hair- regardless of whether it's curly or straight. Explain to your DH that in order for you to maintain healthy hair all of the time, you can only wear it like he likes it some of the time- dates, special occasions, anniversaries, etc. If he's anything like my husband, you'll suddenly find yourself enjoying date nights a little more often- and you'll both be happy.