Over six months of transitioning, thinking of giving up

[spinspinshuga]

The two textures are driving me crazy. I can deal with my texlaxed texture and my natural texture, but not both. I'm accustomed to stretching for up to a year, but when I used to do this I was flat-ironing my hair and the differences between textures were unnoticeable. My roots are puffy and thick while the rest of my hair seems thin and flat. I've felt hideous for weeks and just feel like crying because I really don't want a relaxer, but I can't BC; I'm not an attractive girl and can't get away with short hair. My hair is too fine for braids or sew ins, and wigs make me feel self-conscious.

Would it be better to relax, or to flat iron my hair once a week until my new growth is a more tolerable length? I hate to sound so negative, but I'm weary of looking so terrible.

 

[ShiShiPooPoo]

The two textures are driving me crazy. I can deal with my texlaxed texture and my natural texture, but not both. I'm accustomed to stretching for up to a year, but when I used to do this I was flat-ironing my hair and the differences between textures were unnoticeable. My roots are puffy and thick while the rest of my hair seems thin and flat. I've felt hideous for weeks and just feel like crying because I really don't want a relaxer, but I can't BC; I'm not an attractive girl and can't get away with short hair. My hair is too fine for braids or sew ins, and wigs make me feel self-conscious.

Would it be better to relax, or to flat iron my hair once a week until my new growth is a more tolerable length? I hate to sound so negative, but I'm weary of looking so terrible.

I bet you are beautiful. I would go ahead and BC to be honest. You can always get braids or something if you don't like it short.

Keep your head up!

 

[Ladybelle]

We are in the same boat! Just last night, I was looking at my hair & i even bought a relaxer. But,after transitioning for one year - I just couldn't do it.

I'm going to go ahead & chop tonight and then keep it braided for quite some time.

If you're like me- you're in what i lovingly call the "not so cute stage". I have more hair than a twa, but not enough to create styles I'm comfortable wearing in public.

Looking forward to hearing the responses you get.

Good luck!

 

[pri]

I'm not good at giving transitioning advice b/c I am undecided at the moment & can use the help also from the ones that chime in and I will be taking notes...but I just wanted to say that I love your hair and what ever you decide to choose I'm happy if your happy! Sorry I couldn't help!

 

[Bigghair]

Keep going or cut. You are at the point where the two textures are really hard to deal with. I transitioned for eleven months and toward the end I began trimming a bit at each wash. Good luck. I hope you make the right decision.

 

[ResultsMayVary]

I believe six months is around the time we all hit that road block::
When I hit that block I decided to bun for a while. Bunning gives you a nice classic look and at 6 months the waves were on point!
I'd say try that for a few and see how far it takes you!

HTH

 

[Nuelle]

Transitioning can be a hassle at times and months 6 through 9 are usually the worst. IMO, it gets easier once you're past that point. Instead of flat-ironing every week, what about every other week so as to avoid too much heat? You could maybe rollerset and blow out only the roots or do braidouts. HTH!

 

[tiffers]

What about rollersetting? You could flatiron the roots only to get them straight.

You can get through this

 

[LivingDol1]

would it be possible for you to try a BKT? that way you can wear it straighter and after 2-4 months, you're hair reverts back to it's natural state? maybe it will give you a break from dealing with the 2 very different textures....?

 

[heyfranz]

The two textures are driving me crazy. I can deal with my texlaxed texture and my natural texture, but not both. I'm accustomed to stretching for up to a year, but when I used to do this I was flat-ironing my hair and the differences between textures were unnoticeable. My roots are puffy and thick while the rest of my hair seems thin and flat. I've felt hideous for weeks and just feel like crying because I really don't want a relaxer, but I can't BC; I'm not an attractive girl and can't get away with short hair. My hair is too fine for braids or sew ins, and wigs make me feel self-conscious.

Would it be better to relax, or to flat iron my hair once a week until my new growth is a more tolerable length? I hate to sound so negative, but I'm weary of looking so terrible.

An unattractive girl would not make this statement, so i know you are attractive. Go ahead and BC. I've been natural twice and am now relaxed and hatemyself for relaxing again. I want to transition, but i know i am going to have to BC to get my natural hair back-the two textures are too much to deal with. I am in awe of long term transitioners.

 

[Blessed2bless]

Hi S,
Please know that you are beautiful!
Years ago when I had a perm and transitioned... I was feeling the exact same way...This is what I did.... I perm my edges, ever 3 to 4 months and wore a bun, weave with my edges out (for pony tails mainly) and braids. This helped me transition and this was b4 lhcf
HTH

 

[countrychickd]

I can definitely relate. Although I have only been at this transition for 21 weeks, I think I'm nearing the point where everyone seems to give up. It is a lot harder than I imagined, but we can both get through this. I just imagine my natural hair, and I'm ready to go at it again. Don't give up lady. Maybe try rollersetting like someone suggested, and flat ironing the roots. HTH!

 

[newflowers]

As I recall, you used to have a picture of your face in your siggy that gives lie to the not attractive thing - only really pretty girls who are uncomfortable with being so say things like that. I have no advice about transitioning, going natural, or making this decision - I am relaxed and happy to be so. You need to consider the reasons you decided to transition and go natural and determine of those reasons are still valid for you. After that, maybe bun city or the BKT someone recommended or relax - this has to be your decision because it's your hair.

HOWEVER - I think you need to understand that saying negative things about yourself leads to a negative mindset. Eventually, we begin to believe, act on, and live our self-talk. Make sure yours is ALWAYS positive - always. Words have power, use that power to make your life better. The world can often be a difficult place, and there are plenty of people and situations that seem as if they are bound to run you down and defeat you. YOU SHOULD NEVER ACT OR SPEAK LIKE YOUR OWN ENEMY - positive self-talk only from now on. If you have to stand in the mirror multiple times a day and tell yourself that you are worthy, intelligent, and beautiful, then that's what you need to do - learning to value and appreciate yourself is far more important than how you wear your hair.

 

[Carrie A]

Hey Spin,

Try to hang in there. I always give the same advice, that months 7-9 are rough. They were rough for me and many other ladies on this board. It's just because now you've got enough natural hair to really appreciate the difference and for some reason, detangling gets very difficult. Your options are:

1. To BC which might be good since this is summer and you'll have time to get used to your hair before Columbia. Plus you will see more naturals in NY.

2. Stick with it for this stage passes, and it will pass. It passed for me gradually, one day I just noticed things were better. Thing is because your hair is pretty long that phase may take a little longer. Here's the thing. Sometimes there are just self interpreted "ugly" phases in transitioning and you don't feel your best. You've just got to look at the big picture, your end goal. To most people you look just fine.

3. Do a mini chop. I know you just did a length update but it might help to release a few inches. You might do two mini chops over the next 6 months to each the pain a bit.

4. Get braids- or just kept you hair in a bun and focus on other stuff.

5. Not my personal favorite, but Allandra does the biweekly flat ironing and it works well for her. She been transitioning for a long time.

You can do it. Stay encouraged...and like Newflowers said stay positive.

 

[BotanyGrl]

Spin, we know what you look like and you're not unattractive. I don't know if you were being serious but if you were... you have to let those insecurities go.

I got really frustrated around the six month period too. I got over it by doing styles that blended the two textures well (rod sets, twistouts, braidouts) or rocking wigs. And there is a wig out there for everybody I also checked a lot of fotkis for inspiration around that time. I looked for people who transitioned for a long time. A few that come to mind are MissMarie, Mook, Whimsy, and Southern Bella. Like others said... this too shall pass.

 

[Aggie]

The two textures are driving me crazy. I can deal with my texlaxed texture and my natural texture, but not both. I'm accustomed to stretching for up to a year, but when I used to do this I was flat-ironing my hair and the differences between textures were unnoticeable. My roots are puffy and thick while the rest of my hair seems thin and flat. I've felt hideous for weeks and just feel like crying because I really don't want a relaxer, but I can't BC; I'm not an attractive girl and can't get away with short hair. My hair is too fine for braids or sew ins, and wigs make me feel self-conscious.

Would it be better to relax, or to flat iron my hair once a week until my new growth is a more tolerable length? I hate to sound so negative, but I'm weary of looking so terrible.

Firstly, I'm sorry you feel so trapped but it's good to get support when you need it and you did the right thing. Well you know Allandra flat irons her hair every 7-10 days but her hair is very thick and coarse. Her hair can handle it. If your hair is fine, I wouldn't recommend it so close, but I would go for every 2 weeks if you can make it. Have you seen Sylver2's fotki and youtube videos. I'd recommend watching her videos before you relax, they are extremely helpful. They were so helpful that I added a link to them in my fotki album for easy access. She doesn't use heat all that much and she doesn't wear wigs or extension braids. I really think you should take a look at them before relaxing. HTH.

 

[Nayna]

I've seen your face and you are very very pretty. I do think that it's all about your comfort level. Bc'ing is going to force you to accept a look that you're not quite comfortable with yet, but at the same time maybe it will help boost your confidence. If you really don't want a relaxer, then flat iron, if not, chop em off and face the world with that beautiful face God gave you!

 

[♦K.O♦]

I've seen you before, and you're pretty. But I know what you mean. Not everyone looks "good" with short hair. I am about 6 months in as well, and I have been on the fence about relaxing. I think I'm gonna flat iron. Good luck!

 

[spinspinshuga]

I bet you are beautiful. I would go ahead and BC to be honest. You can always get braids or something if you don't like it short.

Keep your head up!

I don't know if I'm ready for the BC yet, but I am honestly considering it. Maybe I can get braids without the BC and hope that whoever does them is gentle with them. Thank you!

If you're like me- you're in what i lovingly call the "not so cute stage". I have more hair than a twa, but not enough to create styles I'm comfortable wearing in public.

Hah, I like this term! That is exactly where I am now. I bet we can both make it through it...right?

I'm not good at giving transitioning advice b/c I am undecided at the moment & can use the help also from the ones that chime in and I will be taking notes...but I just wanted to say that I love your hair and what ever you decide to choose I'm happy if your happy! Sorry I couldn't help!

Thank you so much! I hope this thread can be helpful for you as well

Keep going or cut. You are at the point where the two textures are really hard to deal with. I transitioned for eleven months and toward the end I began trimming a bit at each wash. Good luck. I hope you make the right decision.

I might try trimming a little, slowly. Your hair is beautiful so it didn't seem to hurt you! Thanks!

I believe six months is around the time we all hit that road block::
When I hit that block I decided to bun for a while. Bunning gives you a nice classic look and at 6 months the waves were on point!
I'd say try that for a few and see how far it takes you!

I think I'll have to go back to bunning...it stresses my edges a little and gives me headaches, but I think it might be the best style for me at the moment unless I get braids. Thank you for the advice!

Transitioning can be a hassle at times and months 6 through 9 are usually the worst. IMO, it gets easier once you're past that point. Instead of flat-ironing every week, what about every other week so as to avoid too much heat? You could maybe rollerset and blow out only the roots or do braidouts. HTH!

I might just flat iron every other week. Flat ironing my own hair has become a hassle because my arms get tired (ie: I've gotten lazy ) and my drier takes more than three hours to dry me, and even then it sometimes doesn't get it! Maybe I can sit under the dryer, then air-dry for a while... Thanks for the suggestion

 

[spinspinshuga]

would it be possible for you to try a BKT? that way you can wear it straighter and after 2-4 months, you're hair reverts back to it's natural state? maybe it will give you a break from dealing with the 2 very different textures....?

I've been seriously considering BKT...but I'm a little afraid of the formaldehyde content, and I've heard the formula without it isn't as effective. If this continues, however, I might give in Thanks!

An unattractive girl would not make this statement, so i know you are attractive. Go ahead and BC. I've been natural twice and am now relaxed and hatemyself for relaxing again. I want to transition, but i know i am going to have to BC to get my natural hair back-the two textures are too much to deal with. I am in awe of long term transitioners.

This is one of my reasons for not wanting to BC...I'm really afraid I'll do it, then one day decide to relax again one day. However, I will still consider the BC, so thank you

Hi S,
Please know that you are beautiful!
Years ago when I had a perm and transitioned... I was feeling the exact same way...This is what I did.... I perm my edges, ever 3 to 4 months and wore a bun, weave with my edges out (for pony tails mainly) and braids. This helped me transition and this was b4 lhcf
HTH

Thanks I hate to air my insecurities but I've just been so frustrated! Anyway, I'm a little confused about what you mean by perming the edges; do you mean you just relax the first centimeter or so of growth and leave the rest natural? Do you have any photos of what this looks like! Thanks so much!

I can definitely relate. Although I have only been at this transition for 21 weeks, I think I'm nearing the point where everyone seems to give up. It is a lot harder than I imagined, but we can both get through this. I just imagine my natural hair, and I'm ready to go at it again. Don't give up lady. Maybe try rollersetting like someone suggested, and flat ironing the roots. HTH!

Twenty one weeks is a long time, and I think this is right when my trouble initially started. I'll try the flat ironing, and also try to picture the final results Thanks.

As I recall, you used to have a picture of your face in your siggy that gives lie to the not attractive thing - only really pretty girls who are uncomfortable with being so say things like that. I have no advice about transitioning, going natural, or making this decision - I am relaxed and happy to be so. You need to consider the reasons you decided to transition and go natural and determine of those reasons are still valid for you. After that, maybe bun city or the BKT someone recommended or relax - this has to be your decision because it's your hair.

HOWEVER - I think you need to understand that saying negative things about yourself leads to a negative mindset. Eventually, we begin to believe, act on, and live our self-talk. Make sure yours is ALWAYS positive - always. Words have power, use that power to make your life better. The world can often be a difficult place, and there are plenty of people and situations that seem as if they are bound to run you down and defeat you. YOU SHOULD NEVER ACT OR SPEAK LIKE YOUR OWN ENEMY - positive self-talk only from now on. If you have to stand in the mirror multiple times a day and tell yourself that you are worthy, intelligent, and beautiful, then that's what you need to do - learning to value and appreciate yourself is far more important than how you wear your hair.

Thank you. I've really been trying to work on the positive self-talk, but some days I look in the mirror and honestly can't do it, particularly since I've been feeling so bad about my hair and some other things as well. However, you are right: there's more to life than one's hair, so I will try to focus on these things instead. I will also try to reassess my motivations for transitioning.

Hey Spin,

Try to hang in there. I always give the same advice, that months 7-9 are rough. They were rough for me and many other ladies on this board. It's just because now you've got enough natural hair to really appreciate the difference and so some reason, detangling gets very difficult. Your options are:

1. To BC which might be good since this is summer and you'll have time to get used to your hair before Columbia. Plus you will see more naturals in NY.

2. Stick with it for this stage passes, and it will pass. It passed for me gradually, one day I just noticed things were better. Thing is because your hair is pretty long that phase may take a little longer. Here's the thing. Sometimes there are just self interpreted "ugly" phases in transitioning and you don't feel your best. You've just got to look at the big picture, you end goal. To most people you look just fine.

3. Do a mini chop. I know you just did a length update but it might help to release a few inches. You might do two mini chops over the next 6 months to each the pain a bit.

4. Get braids- or just kept you hair in a bun and focus on other stuff.

5. Not my personal favorite, but Allandra does the biweekly flat ironing and it works well for her. She been transitioning for a long time.

You can do it. Stay encouraged...and like Newflowers said stay positive.

All of your suggestions were great; I like having options I do tend to see far more naturals in NY than in NC, so I think I would feel more comfortable doing a BC there. It'd certainly be a new beginning...For right now, however, I think 2 and 4 are the main choices. Thanks!

 

[MyAngelEyez~C~U]

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/album.php?albumid=2717&pictureid=15223

Are you kidding me? You are a lovely girl, and you could easily pull off short or long hair. stop stressing and do what will make you comfortable, whether it be flat-ironing, texlaxing, or BCing.

 

[spinspinshuga]

Sorry I'm replying to everyone; it's just that there were so many great responses and I really appreciate all of them

Spin, we know what you look like and you're not unattractive. I don't know if you were being serious but if you were... you have to let those insecurities go.

I got really frustrated around the six month period too. I got over it by doing styles that blended the two textures well (rod sets, twistouts, braidouts) or rocking wigs. And there is a wig out there for everybody I also checked a lot of fotkis for inspiration around that time. I looked for people who transitioned for a long time. A few that come to mind are MissMarie, Mook, Whimsy, and Southern Bella. Like others said... this too shall pass.

I'm trying to get rid of some of these nasty insecurities. Some days are worse than others, and this was definitely one of those days!
Did you purchase your wig online or in a shop in person? I might reconsider the wigs. Thanks for the suggestions!

Firstly, I'm sorry you feel so trapped but it's good to get support when you need it and you did the right thing. Well you know Allandra flat irons her hair every 7-10 days but her hair is very thick and coarse. Her hair can handle it. If your hair is fine, I wouldn't recommend it so close, but I would go for every 2 weeks if you can make it. Have you seen Sylver2's fotki and youtube videos. I'd recommend watching her videos before you relax, they are extremely helpful. They were so helpful that I added a link to them in my fotki album for easy access. She doesn't use heat all that much and she doesn't wear wigs or extension braids. I really think you should take a look at them before relaxing. HTH.

I've drooled over, I mean seen, Sylver2's photos and videos, but I honestly just stared at her hair lachen: so easily side-tracked); I will rewatch them and pay more attention to her methods. Also, you're probably right; my hair probably can't handle such frequent flat-ironing. For a long time I was flat-ironing once a week, and I think I really damaged my hair and had some major set-backs because of that. I might try every two weeks if the other suggestions don't work out for me Thank you!

I've seen your face and you are very very pretty. I do think that it's all about your comfort level. Bc'ing is going to force you to accept a look that you're not quite comfortable with yet, but at the same time maybe it will help boost your confidence. If you really don't want a relaxer, then flat iron, if not, chop em off and face the world with that beautiful face God gave you!

Thank you. You're right; if I BC I won't have any hair to hide behind for a while! I will certainly flat iron before I decide to relax, if I ultimately decide to do so.

I've seen you before, and you're pretty. But I know what you mean. Not everyone looks "good" with short hair. I am about 6 months in as well, and I have been on the fence about relaxing. I think I'm gonna flat iron. Good luck!

I am certainly not a short hair person I wish you luck with your transition as well. Would you considering BCing, or is that not in the picture! Thanks for the response and keep us posted!

ETA:

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/album.php?albumid=2717&pictureid=15223

Are you kidding me? You are a lovely girl, and you could easily pull off short or long hair. stop stressing and do what will make you comfortable, whether it be flat-ironing, texlaxing, or BCing.

You snuck in there on me! Thank you. I'll definitely have to work on some self-esteem/confidence issues before I am comfortable with short hair, but I will try to stop being so anxious over it so whatever I do will make me happy. Thanks!

 

[BlondeByDesire]

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. But never say you are not attractive. You are beautiful.

 

[newflowers]

Your tone appears to indicate that you're feeling down - whether about this and/or other things. I'm going to tell you my I was almost a millionaire story. When my son was little (he's 30 now - shocking how he got so old when I have not), he would always say what you did "I'm trying, i'm trying" "I'll try to do better." It was always with the I'll try - it drove me nuts because it was an excuse for every time he did not do. So, being the Star Wars fan that I am, I morphed Yoda's saying into Don't try, just do it! I made posters - fridge, bathroom, bedroom walls - Don't try, just do it!

Imagine my chagrin when Nike sold billions of shows using MY saying.

And my point since it is obviously not hair...... (wait for it, wait for it)........
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DON'T TRY -
JUST DO IT!!!


You need a poster, girl - seriously, a few of them if that's what it takes. Don't try to work on your negative self-talk and self-insecurities - just do it. Eliminate from your life anyone who contributes to the woe is me thing you've got going on. Even when you don't mean it, say it anyway. Make it true by sheer repetition if nothing else. Write it a thousand times a day. Say it over and over. You have to be your greatest fan. Be kind to you.

 

[♦K.O♦]

I am certainly not a short hair person I wish you luck with your transition as well. Would you considering BCing, or is that not in the picture! Thanks for the response and keep us posted!

Thank you! I'm not a short hair person either, especially not super short! The shortest that my hair has ever been is just above shoulder. I'm in this thing for the long haul or else I'm going to go back to relaxing. I've been trimming more than usual (I'm a frequent trimmer), and it's making it worse because it's like the more growth I get, the more shrinkage I have. So I think that I'll put the scissors away for a while, unless I actually have splits.

 

[Aspasia]

Baby girl you are gorgeous. But then good girls your age that are never think they are.

I am letting my hair go wild this summer. Stay away from heat or very rarely. Be kind... buy the best produts, I am using B5 gel by Aubrey Organics to tame the egdes of my hair and their jasmine spray, doing braid outs and waiting for my 3 inch magnetic rollers to come in to naturally smooth this s^(&)*_)t out!
Be patient, in 4 years with an average of 6 inches per year you can grow 24 inches down your back,right now that may seem forever, an eternity but in truth I look back 4 years and wish I had never gone to my hairdresser who screwed me up, my hair would be HL at the very least.
Use CHICORO as your muse, it can be done.

Namaste,
A

The two textures are driving me crazy. I can deal with my texlaxed texture and my natural texture, but not both. I'm accustomed to stretching for up to a year, but when I used to do this I was flat-ironing my hair and the differences between textures were unnoticeable. My roots are puffy and thick while the rest of my hair seems thin and flat. I've felt hideous for weeks and just feel like crying because I really don't want a relaxer, but I can't BC; I'm not an attractive girl and can't get away with short hair. My hair is too fine for braids or sew ins, and wigs make me feel self-conscious.

.

Would it be better to relax, or to flat iron my hair once a week until my new growth is a more tolerable length? I hate to sound so negative, but I'm weary of looking so terrible

 

[shocol]

I'm transitioning for the second time. The first time I BC'd after six months and found out that I didn't look good with short hair. This time, I wash and flat iron every two weeks. I make sure I DC and give myself protein treatments.

 

[Morenita]

Spin, you're a beautiful woman. I've seen your face and drooled over your hair and you have nothing to be upset about! No matter what you decide, it will all be ok...

I remember the phase that you're going through, and like others before me have already said, this too shall pass. It's just a matter of learning how to deal with the two textures. Once you get that part down, it's smooth sailing. I think it took me up until like month 10 to realize what worked for my hair. That being, detangling/moisturizing while soaking wet only, and just bunning. I keep the "styling" to a minimum, only doing the occasional braidout/flat-iron/rollerset when I really feel the need for a change, then it's back to the same-old.

For me, I can deal with the mundane of the bunning, because healthy, natural hair is my priority and it saves me from a lot of hassle. I have three kids and need to keep it simple too, lol. In the end, it's only temporary anyway, and the end result will be worth it.

I hope that you stick it out. It always makes me sad to see women who caved in when relaxing really wasn't what was in their hearts, and they go back to transitioning again... On the other hand, a long-term transition definitely isn't for everybody. It's tough! Heck knows I've considered BC'ing lots of times. You should pop into the transitioner's thread more often

Good luck with everything and hang in there!

 

[Supergirl]

I think you're attractive, but I understand about not wanting to have short hair if you have the option not to.

If you don't want a relaxer then don't get one. Try the flat iron if it will ease your woes.

 

[RadiantBeauty]

An unattractive girl would not make this statement, so i know you are attractive. Go ahead and BC. I've been natural twice and am now relaxed and hatemyself for relaxing again. I want to transition, but i know i am going to have to BC to get my natural hair back-the two textures are too much to deal with. I am in awe of long term transitioners.

I agree with this poster! Go ahead and BC! I cut my hair and it has been so much easier to transition!