Do Any RELAXED heads feel like this?

[Extremus]

Like they're sick of having straight hair and feel like they're starting to look like everyone else, because everybody and they mama got a silky, straight weave???

When I was growing up, I always had long hair (until recently) and I stood out because I was one of few black girls that had long hair. Now it's like everyone has long hair, real or fake, and it's so annoying. What struck me was my SO saying (yesterday), "hey, ya'll have the same hairstyle!" the girl he was comparing to had a weave. I was thinking, well mines is real (like that matters). It's so hard because I like long hair (as well as many other ladies) but I HATE looking like everyone else! I don't want to give up the relaxer just yet, but def consider texturizing, but how does one go from a relaxer to a texturizer? erplexed Sounds like a lot of breakage/shedding

Well, anyone else feel like this?

 

[naijamerican]

I am not relaxed, but I appreciate your honesty. There are times I think of getting a relaxer, but when I remember that one of my most distinctive features is having gravity-defying hair it makes me think twice. In fact, that's a lot of why I haven't done it yet.

Do you ma, and don't worry about how everyone else looks. Just be fly; who cares how many people may have similar looking hair? Your hair really does look great, too! Take pride in its healthy appearance and also, that there are many more AA women who are doing better with their hair care practices such that you're not the only one with long hair. And ignore your ignorant boyfriend if you have to!!!

 

[knottyaaverage]

def feel u. i had hair trauma last year and am just now making it to apl. just got a touch up and now im looking like a native american. and when i go to campus girls' hair looks just like mine and it's tracks!!! it makes me sick. im one of two girls in one of my 35 person classes (consisting of about 7 black girls) and im the only one with real hair. chicks in ponytails try to fool u and even the ones with bad weaves fool u cuz it looks so bad, u think it's gotta be real!!!!....ahhh black hair....*smh*.......u gotta love it.

 

[Extremus]

I am not relaxed, but I appreciate your honesty. There are times I think of getting a relaxer, but when I remember that one of my most distinctive features is having gravity-defying hair it makes me think twice. In fact, that's a lot of why I haven't done it yet.

Do you ma, and don't worry about how everyone else looks. Just be fly; who cares how many people may have similar looking hair? Your hair really does look great, too! Take pride in its healthy appearance and also, that there are many more AA women who are doing better with their hair care practices such that you're not the only one with long hair. And ignore your ignorant boyfriend if you have to!!!

Yes, what makes it worst is he told me today,

SO: You look good with your hair straightened
me:
SO: Why can't you take the compliment?
me: I can, it's not the "compliment" that bothers me, but the fact that hair only looks good when it's straightened
SO: Huh?
me: Nothing.

I don't think he'll ever understand unless he's on this board with me. He doesn't realized how brainwashed we are. I'm so mad because he can't appreciate my natural (new growth) or natural heads period, BUT I'm being contradicting for being a relaxed head and wanting to keep it this way! I'm so lost!

 

[Extremus]

def feel u. i had hair trauma last year and am just now making it to apl. just got a touch up and now im looking like a native american. and when i go to campus girls' hair looks just like mine and it's tracks!!! it makes me sick. im one of two girls in one of my 35 person classes (consisting of about 7 black girls) and im the only one with real hair. chicks in ponytails try to fool u and even the ones with bad weaves fool u cuz it looks so bad, u think it's gotta be real!!!!....ahhh black hair....*smh*.......u gotta love it.

I know right *sighs*

 

[naijamerican]

Yes, what makes it worst is he told me today,

SO: You look good with your hair straightened
me:
SO: Why can't you take the compliment?
me: I can, it's not the "compliment" that bothers me, but the fact that hair only looks good when it's straightened
SO: Huh?
me: Nothing.

I don't think he'll ever understand unless he's on this board with me. He doesn't realized how brainwashed we are. I'm so mad because he can't appreciate my natural (new growth) or natural heads period, BUT I'm being contradicting for being a relaxed head and wanting to keep it this way! I'm so lost!

I don't think you're contradicting yourself. If anything, your dilemma just shows the complexity of problems involved when it comes to Black hair care. It's good that you identify that there's an element of brainwashing that could be associated with liking straightened hair (and by this I don't mean to say that everyone who prefers their hair relaxed is brainwashed). I think it's more important that you reconcile yourself to why you do because it might take your boyfriend a long time to grasp what you have come to realize. Good luck; I'm going to bed!!!

 

[Extremus]

I don't think you're contradicting yourself. If anything, your dilemma just shows the complexity of problems involved when it comes to Black hair care. It's good that you identify that there's an element of brainwashing that could be associated with liking straightened hair (and by this I don't mean to say that everyone who prefers their hair relaxed is brainwashed). I think it's more important that you reconcile yourself to why you do because it might take your boyfriend a long time to grasp what you have come to realize. Good luck; I'm going to bed!!!

Yes! I couldn't agree more. I appreciate this. Thank you!

Goodnight and sweet dreams

 

[hothair]

Well I can understand where u're coming from to a certain extent, I used to be the one rocking the honey blond weave to my waist (everyone was too scared to try) along comes Beyonce and now you have mini-B's all over the place, I went back to my curly haired do's and even when I wear my straight LF I have it curled and highly textured to make it look a bit different since everyone here now has a Rihanna-ish cut...

 

[*Happily Me*]

I feel you.

 

[cicilypayne]

I guess I understand you I think what seperates one long haired beauty from the next is just that Beauty . Pretty girls need not worry about hair on anothers head because Beauty and uniqueness can't be duplicated. Pretty girls with fake hair are still just pretty girls. Pretty girls with real hair or still just pretty girls. Ugly girls with long hair fake or real nothing changes. Beauty can't be duplicated.. so I don't think you have anything to worry about Ewilliams god gave you much more than just great hair.You will never look just like everyone else.

 

[Extremus]

I guess I understand you I think what seperates one long haired beauty from the next is just that Beauty . Pretty girls need not worry about hair on anothers head because Beauty and uniqueness can't be duplicated. Pretty girls with fake hair are still just pretty girls. Pretty girls with real hair or still just pretty girls. Ugly girls with long hair fake or real nothing changes. Beauty can't be duplicated.. so I don't think you have anything to worry about Ewilliams god gave you much more than just great hair.You will never look just like everyone else.

 

[HoneyDew]

I guess I understand you I think what seperates one long haired beauty from the next is just that Beauty . Pretty girls need not worry about hair on anothers head because Beauty and uniqueness can't be duplicated. Pretty girls with fake hair are still just pretty girls. Pretty girls with real hair or still just pretty girls. Ugly girls with long hair fake or real nothing changes. Beauty can't be duplicated.. so I don't think you have anything to worry about Ewilliams god gave you much more than just great hair.You will never look just like everyone else.

I strongly agree with everything you said!!!

My uniqueness is not defined by my hair so it is not that serious to me.

But if a person finds that their hair is the only thing that makes them stand out, I guess I can see why it would bother them that others have hair just like them.

But, I think it is a battle you cannot win. There will always be others with hair similar to yours. I don't see how you could get around it if you wear you hair in classic styles, relaxed or natural.

 

[Nola Darling]

Well if you are worried about standing apart, why not get a Bad A** hair cut. And I don't mean cut it short but maybe you could get some layers or a neat bang or something? Just my input

 

[SheenaVee]

No i dnt feel like this because, even though my hair is only shoulder length i still know that mines all real so even if it doesnt look much different from those with weave....it is! and I know it is so thats all that matters to me.

 

[aloof one]

Yea I notice that too-- relaxers take away individuality in the sense that now all the black women who do it have the same texture- straight hair. Or straight weave. Or crimped weave or a weave in ringlets or curls or whatever. Its like, I went to the club the other night and every black girl there (save for 2) had a relaxer and weave. Its kind of boring, sure people are beautiful, but it seems like the thing that stands out is what is hanging off that head when everyone has one. Its like everyone wearing the same outfit, its a cute outfit and you put it together nice,... but man everyone else is wearing it to so what does it matter? Its like when I was in elementary school and all the Asian boys had bowl cuts. Their faces may have been different, but that haircut said it all. Not all naturals look the same because we were all born with different textures, but if you break down that hair and force your hair straight, you're all going to look the same texture- straight. Like how white people all look the same when they dye their hair blonde


BUT: I think if you are relaxed and get a fierce cut or style then it wouldn't matter though--- like if you color it a good shade of something that pops and nobody else wears, or if you get an uneven cut or cool layers, nobody will think of you as the same.

 

[♦K.O♦]

I agree with what all of the other ladies have said.

But I would also like to tell you that it IS possible to transition from relaxed to texlaxed/textured WITHOUT breakage. It took me two years. I had no breakage, but I had to do a lot of cutting. The relaxed ends just looked like crap compared to the textured ends.

 

[PeggyFair]

No, I have never felt that way because even though my hair is relaxed, I wear vintage styles that nobody really wears that much anymore..think Diana Ross and the Supremes vintage...Also, when people look at a woman, they don't just see hair, they see the entire package, meaning the hair, the clothes, the skin, accessories, etc..so since I have my own style, again its throwback 60s, I will always stand out cuz very few people rock the same style that I do.

 

[PinkPeony]

While I do understand where you're coming from I really don't feel this way.
I agree with what honeydew andother posters said IMO my hair is just part of the whole package,attitude,looks and style play a great role too.
I think it would be great progress if the majority of blk women would have healthy hair(relaxed or natural) so we could focus on other areas to stand out

 

[sunnydaze]

I am transitioning but I get what you are saying. There are so many ways to wear relaxed hair other thin pin straight..I personally think that only looks great on really thick hair, but that's just my opinion.

As popular as rollersetting is here, you really don't see that many under 50 women with roller set hair at least in Houston..straight weave or flat ironed straight.

 

[Country gal]

Like they're sick of having straight hair and feel like they're starting to look like everyone else, because everybody and they mama got a silky, straight weave???

When I was growing up, I always had long hair (until recently) and I stood out because I was one of few black girls that had long hair. Now it's like everyone has long hair, real or fake, and it's so annoying. What struck me was my SO saying (yesterday), "hey, ya'll have the same hairstyle!" the girl he was comparing to had a weave. I was thinking, well mines is real (like that matters). It's so hard because I like long hair (as well as many other ladies) but I HATE looking like everyone else! I don't want to give up the relaxer just yet, but def consider texturizing, but how does one go from a relaxer to a texturizer? erplexed Sounds like a lot of breakage/shedding

Well, anyone else feel like this?

Have you tried doing hair styles with more texture? For example, a braid out looks really nice. When I was relaxed I felt like I looked like every other relaxed black girl. I felt my natural hair stood out. Now I see a lot more naturals .

 

[Traycee]

Never felt this way....long hair is so versatile I 'm always rocking something different..

 

[SignatureBeauty]

I am transitioning but I get what you are saying. There are so many ways to wear relaxed hair other thin pin straight..I personally think that only looks great on really thick hair, but that's just my opinion.

As popular as rollersetting is here, you really don't see that many under 50 women with roller set hair at least in Houston..straight weave or flat ironed straight.

LOL

That is so true, I swear when I was relaxed I was the only one who was dedicated to rollersets besides the older women LOL!!! But I Loved my rollersets and I do miss them sometimes.

 

[LadyEuphoria007]

Yes, what makes it worst is he told me today,

SO: You look good with your hair straightened
me:
SO: Why can't you take the compliment?
me: I can, it's not the "compliment" that bothers me, but the fact that hair only looks good when it's straightened
SO: Huh?
me: Nothing.

I don't think he'll ever understand unless he's on this board with me. He doesn't realized how brainwashed we are. I'm so mad because he can't appreciate my natural (new growth) or natural heads period, BUT I'm being contradicting for being a relaxed head and wanting to keep it this way! I'm so lost!

This happend with me and my Dh...he didn't finally "get it" until I did my BC. Now he's all up in my TWA. I realized with him that I was over-analyzing every compliment, and thinking he just said something to make me feel better. I now know that it was b/c of my personal doubts. We have to learn to take the compliments as they are...don't add and don't subtract. How often do you wear your hair curly?
You are beautiful and you have some banging hair! Do You!

 

[Duchesse]

I am transitioning but I get what you are saying. There are so many ways to wear relaxed hair other thin pin straight..I personally think that only looks great on really thick hair, but that's just my opinion.

As popular as rollersetting is here, you really don't see that many under 50 women with roller set hair at least in Houston..straight weave or flat ironed straight.

I agree with this completely. I recently relaxed my hair, and one of my fears was looking like everyone else with relaxed hair. In NYC, many of the women I see have bone straight shoulder length hair that's been wrapped,(or long weaves) I rarely see a pretty, healthy rollerset.

You have such pretty long hair, you should experiment with textured or "big" hairstyles.

 

[cheeks87]

Well, i feel that way too sometimes ewilliams. I'll be with one of my friends who has a weave and like, 3 inches of hair underneath and someone will be like, Oh you both have such long hair! And I wanna be like, No, I have long hair. SHE has long weave thankuverymuch!
But that'd be pretty b&*&^y, I guess. I guess I just wanna get "credit" for my hard work or something. Kinda like if you worked really hard on an essay and got an A and your friend cheats & buys their essay online and gets an A....and the teacher praises you both.

I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does.

And my boyfriend ONLY likes my hair when it's flatironed. It's so weird. He only likes bone-straight hair and thinks natural hair is ugly on women. I don't know what his issue is. Even if we see a white woman/hispanic woman with like 2b hair on tv, he'll be like, "she should straighten her hair".

This is coming from a man who is currently growing his hair out and has a nappy, uneven afro looking like Bobo the Clown telling ME I need to flatiron my relaxed hair. So I do braid-outs to give my hair even more texture and give him the finger.

 

[silvergirl]

tis why i want waist length curly/wavy hair

editted: i just realized you wanted relaxed ppl to answer.. sry. well. as an ex - relaxed head now, its that feeling that helped me in my decision to go natural

 

[aloof one]

I think the weave thing is a separate debate-- yea I do think it is tacky and sad that someone who buys some hair and passes it for her own always gets compliments (on her hair, nothing else so its obviously not a whole package). Its like the weave was gotten solely to make people think they had long hair, so they can feel good when they get compliments on something fake.

We know what I feel about artificial But anyway thats separate.


The real deal is I think OP makes a lot of sense, because those thoughts helped me transition. Realizing that relaxing is just a trend that people follow in the masses probably offends people who want to believe that it is something unique. For the most part, all I see are girls with SL hair and raggedy ends in the day who relax. Then when I go to the club I see everyone (and I mean 90%) with relaxed straight hair with BSL weaves. Its like when everyone decided they needed to wear Ugg boots and I realized I didn't want to be like everybody else.

It totally makes sense to want to be unique-- even though there is such a strong influence there trying to get people to be apart of the group and make them think theyre unique. I bet if everyone wore their natural texture (not that I think they should because well people love relaxers and I dont want to get into that debate) nobody would think "Oh all those girls have the same hair" like they do now. A lot of black men think all black womens hair comes out the same and gets relaxed the same and that is that. A lot of white folks think so too. If thats not lack of individuality I dont know what is.

OP... are you considering transitioning? Perhaps you could get a textlax or texturize at your next few relaxers and see how it goes? Then maybe if that works out you could just keep going until its long enough to chop? (I wouldn't want to transition with all that long hair either unless I was sure but if it bothers you then I would do it) BTW I dont know if anyones mentioned it but you have a very pretty face and I doubt folks would think of you as just like everybody else

 

[Iluvsmuhgrass]

I guess I understand you I think what seperates one long haired beauty from the next is just that Beauty . Pretty girls need not worry about hair on anothers head because Beauty and uniqueness can't be duplicated. Pretty girls with fake hair are still just pretty girls. Pretty girls with real hair or still just pretty girls. Ugly girls with long hair fake or real nothing changes. Beauty can't be duplicated.. so I don't think you have anything to worry about Ewilliams god gave you much more than just great hair.You will never look just like everyone else.

I absolutely adored this post. ITA

 

[BrooklynSouth]

tis why i want waist length curly/wavy hair

editted: i just realized you wanted relaxed ppl to answer.. sry. well. as an ex - relaxed head now, its that feeling that helped me in my decision to go natural

Now...I can see having long, pretty hair with your texture. I'm not thinking of transitioning but to continue relaxing as my hair grows then doing a tight twistout to have it look like similar to your natural hair.

 

[brownsugarflyygirl]

Yep...thats exactly how I felt when I had a relaxer...

I love my natural hair because the way I style it makes me feel unique and funky...and I can always switch it up to that straight relaxed girl look as the mood strikes.

E...maybe you can try some different textured styles to give you some diversity like braidouts or strawsets or something.