Don't Go Natural

[Country gal]

unless you are ready to make the commitment. The commitment is learning how to properly take care and style your natural hair, trading out the relaxed mind for the natural mind (trust me it is a difference, even in the way we talk) and pushing through any negativity or mental hang ups. I see some many threads with fair weather naturals. They think it is cute or trendy but don't realize the mental steps needed to succeed in the natural hair care game. So they set themselves up for failure. I have seen women who have gone natural only to find that they don't have that desired "good hair" or desired hair texture. Before you begin the natural process you really have to change the way you think. Some of us naturals have gone through the ugly duckling phase of our natural hair lives. It is a process. My hair looked jacked up during my transition and now it is fierce.

Some of us have never gotten close and personal with our natural hair. We have memories of mom huffing and puffing about our naps, hair being too thick or bad hair. So we get hung up on will my natural hair turn out to be good hair or will it be nappy. I tell people quick that I am proud to be nappy. Nappy is not a negative word to me because it doesn't define who I am as woman. When I transition I was real curious about my natural hair, I was concerned that men wouldn't find me attractive and my family kept saying when are you getting a perm. I stuck to my guns and pushed through. I am glad I did because I really love my natural hair. While going through the psychical change of having natural hair, my mind had to change first. I had to except the hair God gave me because as my son says "God don't make no junk" So don't start the natural hair process until you mentally ready to shake off the Debbie Downers. You know the folks that will say you look better with straight hair. You know men don't like no short, nappy hair. My personal favorite, whites are not going to relate to you. Michael Baisden is cocky and confidant and he draws people to him. He is not a handsome man in my eyes, he is short but he projects so much confidence. In my business we have a saying "Faking it until you are making it". Sometimes we have to fake the confidence until we can finally believe that hey, I got it going on. Stop worrying about pleasing or appealing to people. If I got to have a checklist complete for you to get with me, than I don't want ya..

Most important I leave you with the words of Judy Garland” It is always better to be a first rate version of yourself than a second rate version of someone else.” As my girl India Arie says I am not my hair.

 

[crlsweetie912]

Great post! I always wondered about what my natural hair would look like? I studied it a lot during my last relaxer stretch. Great points to think about!

 

[jasmine26]

great words of wisdom, country gal!!

 

[so1913]

Great post!

 

[imani97]

Great post CG. I've been going back and forth and I think that I will just stick with getting my hair texlaxed. I'm not ready to give up straight styles yet.

 

[firecracker]

Great post! You ain't neva lied about having your mind right and yo hair tight! It's an adventure fo sho

 

[*Happily Me*]

Right on point CG!

As a former transitioner, I was totally not ready for my naked naps. I have to admit that i thought my hair was 4a with some 3c areas. Years of perming had me forgetting what my hair looked like although i clearly remember having 2 afro puffs as a kid! (my mom permed my hair when i was 5)

No 3c hair anywhere. No waves, few curls and all nappy naps.

Now, i wanna say that i have nothing against naps on someone else. I totally admire and secretly envy those of you strong woman who are confident of your beauty, inside and out, who are able to go natural. It's something that i want to and BE soo bad. I truly do.

But it's a mindset as you and many other nappys have said. You have to be armed and ready to deal especially if you're a 4B girl. You have to be ready to hold strong and really be honest with yourself. You may not have natural hair that hangs or swings. You may not have hair that easy to comb, wet or dry. You have to forget about doing the same styles you did as a permie. Get ready to the haters and naysayers. Everyone will all of a sudden have a friggin opinion about your hair.

One day, i'm going natural. Yes maam i am. It's in my future and i know it. I'm really leaning more towards locks though. really thin long beautiful locks.

 

[testimony777]

Great post!

 

[PaperClip]

Glad to see a more "harmonious" post re. varying hair textures and the trials and triumphs of all the choices. I suppose it will be a never-ending "passionate dialogue" (instead of debate!). It keeps things interesting and more importantly, informative.

 

[hotshot]

i think sometimes permies get insulted when we speak of "the mindset", i can see why, but it's not about being "higher" or "better than" but it is flat out true: being natural requires, entails, or develops a different outlook, at least in terms of how you see yourself.

 

[PaperClip]

i think sometimes permies get insulted when we speak of "the mindset", i can see why, but it's not about being "higher" or "better than" but it is flat out true: being natural requires, entails, or develops a different outlook, at least in terms of how you see yourself.

ITA, esp. w/the words in bold....

 

[africa]

Countrygal,

I appreciate your post and understand where you are coming from. I recently did the big chop and it has not been easy. The responses from friends, family, and co-workers has made it rough.

I do not disagree with anything you said and have a probelm with the natural only if its good hair mentality as well, but I do take issue with your adivce to not go natural until you are prepared to do so. It kind of comes off like you are saying don't do it until you think like this, feel like this, etc. Like you have to have a specific mindset to join 'the club'.
Its' often hard to know what you are getting into until you are already there. If I had known all of it , I definitley would have hesitated. Some will try being natural not confident of their final decision, and that is their perogative. If they try, and they fail then that is for them to deal with in their life. The unfortunate reality is that its' hard for black women to go natural for a variety of reasons (self, friends and family, etc). As sisters trying to grow our hair out natural, healthy, and long, I think it is more productive when we support each other with specific advice on how to overcome these hurdles.
Going natural shouldn't be so mentally challenging, and require mental transitions but it is a result of our history and current situation. That's how hostile this country and the world has been--and is--to the perception of our hair. Nothing is going to immediately change that. Some people go natural for medical reasons, others for aesthetic reasons, others for political reasons, and yet others just for the hell of it.
Regardless of our reasons we all need help making that mental transition which is why I frequent this and other boards with natural sisters so often. I honestly would have been put off when I was thinking about transitioning when reading your post. However, even though I wasn't ready to make that commitment when I started out because I didn't know what I was getting into, I am sticking it out. And the only reason I am is because I have found the encouragement from other sisters key to my natural journey. I eventually internalized their support which is why I did the big chop even though I didn't wan to chop for years.
So my advice would be try it, and if you feel you are wavering in your commitment, reach out to other supportive sisters who are there, because they will help you. If you fail or decide not to stay so for other reasons, at least you tried, and that is your perogative.
@ Countrygal, I am not saying your post is not supportive or that you were attacking anyone. The reality you describe is real and should be put out there. I just feel that it can be taken by some as unencouraging and judgmental because it is lacking the other part. Not all of us are ready to embrace naturallness with that kind of attitude, so specific advice about how to get over those hang ups (while thinking about the process, while transitioning, and while you are there) would also have been helpful.

 

[curlilocs]

Thanks for sharing! You really brought it home in that 1st paragraph. Very introspective on your part. I completely agree with you.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Good post! When I went natural years ago I only ended up messing it up with excessive heat. Now I know that when I do go natural I need to have a different mindset at well. That is why I plan on going natural in PeaceCorps if I do it.

 

[luv04]

good post i do think also that it takes a certain mindset..

 

[mscounselor]

I agree with both CG and Africa. I started one transition last year and didn't work out. BUT I will say this...that in itself help me understand the deeper committment needed. When I began again, I wasn't under any false impressions.
If someone decides to go natural and you feel they arent serious, I say let them go. The worse that can happen is they realize how different it is from what they thought...so if they endeavor to transition again, they wont be miseducated.

I have a friend who went natural via braids...nothing else...she never once styled her hair on her own. She relaxed recently and is still tied to a stylist. She even discussed keeping her braids in again to go back to natural. Because she didn't choose to do her own hair outside of braids, she will always be limited to the options, braid or relax. Im glad that I did it my way because I feel I will have more options when I am fully natural.

I went to the mall yesterday after being in the rain with my braid out. I walked with confidence and big hair thinking, "yes...Im 5'10 with big hips and hair...no show me to New York & Co so I can get my shop on!"

 

[JLove74]

Thanks CG. Great post. I've been thinking of going natural for a while and this has really given me something to go on.

and....you're right Your hair is feirce!!!!!

 

[sareca]

I've spent most of my life natural. I've probably only had 6-8 relaxers in the last 14 years and virgin hair before that. I think everyone should get to know their natural hair, but only haircare should be a lifelong committment. Try natural, if you don't like it relax it. It's not a lifestyle it's a HAIRstyle. Change it next week, next month, or next year. It's yours. Don't let anybody manipulate you into thinking your journey has to be under their terms.

 

[Candy_C]

unless you are ready to make the commitment. The commitment is learning how to properly take care and style your natural hair, trading out the relaxed mind for the natural mind (trust me it is a difference, even in the way we talk) and pushing through any negativity or mental hang ups. I see some many threads with fair weather naturals. They think it is cute or trendy but don't realize the mental steps needed to succeed in the natural hair care game. So they set themselves up for failure. I have seen women who have gone natural only to find that they don't have that desired "good hair" or desired hair texture. Before you begin the natural process you really have to change the way you think. Some of us naturals have gone through the ugly duckling phase of our natural hair lives. It is a process. My hair looked jacked up during my transition and now it is fierce.

Some of us have never gotten close and personal with our natural hair. We have memories of mom huffing and puffing about our naps, hair being too thick or bad hair. So we get hung up on will my natural hair turn out to be good hair or will it be nappy. I tell people quick that I am proud to be nappy. Nappy is not a negative word to me because it doesn't define who I am as woman. When I transition I was real curious about my natural hair, I was concerned that men wouldn't find me attractive and my family kept saying when are you getting a perm. I stuck to my guns and pushed through. I am glad I did because I really love my natural hair. While going through the psychical change of having natural hair, my mind had to change first. I had to except the hair God gave me because as my son says "God don't make no junk" So don't start the natural hair process until you mentally ready to shake off the Debbie Downers. You know the folks that will say you look better with straight hair. You know men don't like no short, nappy hair. My personal favorite, whites are not going to relate to you. Michael Baisden is cocky and confidant and he draws people to him. He is not a handsome man in my eyes, he is short but he projects so much confidence. In my business we have a saying "Faking it until you are making it". Sometimes we have to fake the confidence until we can finally believe that hey, I got it going on. Stop worrying about pleasing or appealing to people. If I got to have a checklist complete for you to get with me, than I don't want ya..

Most important I leave you with the words of Judy Garland” It is always better to be a first rate version of yourself than a second rate version of someone else.” As my girl India Arie says I am not my hair.

i like this post CG!!

hmm, now i know my mind is not yet "right" for nappturality not by a looooooooooong stretch! cuz i hate my "frizzies" right now, esp. when they look flat for a bit then spring out by the end of the day..sad but true

 

[Hill]

I agree with you totally. My natural hair has a nick name, “baby”. After chemo I decided along with my doctors to grow my hair back naturally. I wanted to avoid the chemicals in perms. I had my head shaved (because of all of the bald patches) and went natural. In the beginning I hated my natural hair. I did not know how to take care of it at all. Yes, it was an ugly mess everyday until I decided to learn to care for my hair. Now two years later it is healthier than I can ever remember. I am just as proud of my hair as I am of being cancer free for two and a half years. I don’t care when someone that I knew before cancer tell me that they dislike my natural hair and that I looked better with a perm. I love my natural hair.

 

[UmSumayyah]

I think people should try whenever they feel like it. If they "fail" or change their minds they should analyze why so that they can do it better the next time.
Same advice I would give anyone trying to change their diet, take up exercise or take on any new challenge.

 

[MzTami]

I've spent most of my life natural. I've probably only had 6-8 relaxers in the last 14 years and virgin hair before that. I think everyone should get to know their natural hair, but only haircare should be a lifelong committment. Try natural, if you don't like it relax it. It's not a lifestyle it's a HAIRstyle. Change it next week, next month, or next year. It's yours. Don't let anybody manipulate you into thinking your journey has to be under their terms.

ITA...I went natural because I wanted to. Not because of history, but I felt it was best for my hair. My mindset hasn't changed much from my relaxed days. I still like straight styles, length, and more shine. My biggest hang up is having patience for length, shrinkage, and frizz, not texture. Should I have stayed relaxed ? I think not. I love being natural, I'm just not comfortable with natural short hair, which makes my journey more challenging. Everybody is different and like africa said, people go natural for different reasons. People should decide what's best for them whether natural, relaxed, texturized, etc.. It's their choice.

I think CG should have maybe said that your natural journey will be more difficult or challenging if you don't have the mindset, but definitely not impossible.

 

[Enchantmt]

Great thread. When I first wanted to go natural I didnt consider all the possible reactions to my hair. I just wanted to stop relaxing. When I started to read about the experiences of others, thats when I almost got cold feet. I have only really had any negative reactions from family, since I'm not seeing anyone, and since my workplace is casual, maybe I'm just not in the right social circles/situation to experience all the drama others have. My biggest mental obstacle, which came after reading all the "black men prefer" garbage, was would I still be attractive to others and still feel like a woman. Glady the answers are yes, and yes, but that doesnt mean my fears were unfounded or superficial. Besides, I would rather meet someone while authentically me, living and looking like I want to look, than to meet someone and just end up changing completely after I finally give in to what would satisfy my soul. All in all, it has forced me to grow up a lil more, and make a decision to do what I felt was right for me, regardless of the opinions of other folx.

 

[Poohbear]

Wow Country gal! That was a wonderful post and speaks much truth!

Why does this thread have a terrible rating? Was it offensive to some relaxed haired ladies? I don't see why because Country gal used to have relaxed hair herself. Most of us naturals have had relaxed hair before.

This post was great! Something for all black women to really think about. It sums up most of the issues people have with going back to wearing their hair naturally.

 

[CurliDiva]

I agree with both CG and Africa. I started one transition last year and didn't work out. BUT I will say this...that in itself help me understand the deeper committment needed. When I began again, I wasn't under any false impressions.
If someone decides to go natural and you feel they arent serious, I say let them go. The worse that can happen is they realize how different it is from what they thought...so if they endeavor to transition again, they wont be miseducated.

I have a friend who went natural via braids...nothing else...she never once styled her hair on her own. She relaxed recently and is still tied to a stylist. She even discussed keeping her braids in again to go back to natural. Because she didn't choose to do her own hair outside of braids, she will always be limited to the options, braid or relax. Im glad that I did it my way because I feel I will have more options when I am fully natural.

I went to the mall yesterday after being in the rain with my braid out. I walked with confidence and big hair thinking, "yes...Im 5'10 with big hips and hair...no show me to New York & Co so I can get my shop on!"

Great post Country Girl!

I totally agree that people are natural for different reasons, and we here at LHCF support everyone no matter what their motives or mindset!

Natural hair is different, and seems to cause more drama if your texture is truly nappy/wooly/thick.

Most natural pictures I've seen on this board highlight some degree of curl definition -- I never heard anyone compliment another for having "nappy" hair. Which implies to me that among naturals there is still an "ideal" look.

The truth is you HAVE to make peace and respect your hair - natural, relaxed, curly or nappy!

I think all of us on LCHF would agree that our mindset about our hair is evolving for the better.


p.s. Mscounselor, as a fellow 5-10'er New York & Co is the bomb! I love their long length pants!

 

[Country gal]

Thanks ladies. It was on my heart to say it. I just don't want women to go natural or relaxed without thinking of the pros and cons. Being natural is not some militant group. We just understand first hand the ups and downs of being natural. I love healthy hair. I have seen relaxed heads who take very good care of their hair. I am not doing a relaxed versus natural.

 

[sugaplum]

Wow Country gal! That was a wonderful post and speaks much truth!

Why does this thread have a terrible rating? Was it offensive to some relaxed haired ladies? I don't see why because Country gal used to have relaxed hair herself. Most of us naturals have had relaxed hair before.

This post was great! Something for all black women to really think about. It sums up most of the issues people have with going back to wearing their hair naturally.

I've noticed this as well Pooh. This type of rating is on all the natural threads!!

This is a great topic. I enjoyed reading all the responses. Very positive and motivating.

Like most of you I have also been made fun of by family and friends. Especially when Cinnabuns & I did the BC the whole family cracked down on us!! Because all of my aunts, girl cousins, and grandmothers are permed they figured the reason we cut off all our hair was because WE weren't treating our hair right. I just say this is the way God made me and they are making fun of His creation.

 

[imani97]

I agree with you totally. My natural hair has a nick name, “baby”. After chemo I decided along with my doctors to grow my hair back naturally. I wanted to avoid the chemicals in perms. I had my head shaved (because of all of the bald patches) and went natural. In the beginning I hated my natural hair. I did not know how to take care of it at all. Yes, it was an ugly mess everyday until I decided to learn to care for my hair. Now two years later it is healthier than I can ever remember. I am just as proud of my hair as I am of being cancer free for two and a half years. I don’t care when someone that I knew before cancer tell me that they dislike my natural hair and that I looked better with a perm. I love my natural hair.

Welcome and congrats on being cancer free!

 

[Country gal]

Countrygal,

I appreciate your post and understand where you are coming from. I recently did the big chop and it has not been easy. The responses from friends, family, and co-workers has made it rough.

I do not disagree with anything you said and have a probelm with the natural only if its good hair mentality as well, but I do take issue with your adivce to not go natural until you are prepared to do so. It kind of comes off like you are saying don't do it until you think like this, feel like this, etc. Like you have to have a specific mindset to join 'the club'.
Its' often hard to know what you are getting into until you are already there. If I had known all of it , I definitley would have hesitated. Some will try being natural not confident of their final decision, and that is their perogative. If they try, and they fail then that is for them to deal with in their life. The unfortunate reality is that its' hard for black women to go natural for a variety of reasons (self, friends and family, etc). As sisters trying to grow our hair out natural, healthy, and long, I think it is more productive when we support each other with specific advice on how to overcome these hurdles.
Going natural shouldn't be so mentally challenging, and require mental transitions but it is a result of our history and current situation. That's how hostile this country and the world has been--and is--to the perception of our hair. Nothing is going to immediately change that. Some people go natural for medical reasons, others for aesthetic reasons, others for political reasons, and yet others just for the hell of it.
Regardless of our reasons we all need help making that mental transition which is why I frequent this and other boards with natural sisters so often. I honestly would have been put off when I was thinking about transitioning when reading your post. However, even though I wasn't ready to make that commitment when I started out because I didn't know what I was getting into, I am sticking it out. And the only reason I am is because I have found the encouragement from other sisters key to my natural journey. I eventually internalized their support which is why I did the big chop even though I didn't wan to chop for years.
So my advice would be try it, and if you feel you are wavering in your commitment, reach out to other supportive sisters who are there, because they will help you. If you fail or decide not to stay so for other reasons, at least you tried, and that is your perogative.
@ Countrygal, I am not saying your post is not supportive or that you were attacking anyone. The reality you describe is real and should be put out there. I just feel that it can be taken by some as unencouraging and judgmental because it is lacking the other part. Not all of us are ready to embrace naturallness with that kind of attitude, so specific advice about how to get over those hang ups (while thinking about the process, while transitioning, and while you are there) would also have been helpful.

Africa,

This is a forum. You are entitiled to your opinion regardless if it agrees with me or not. I am not of the mind that we all have to be on the same page. It is all in the interpretation. You are interpretating my post one way where someone else may interprete differently. I am not of the mindset that we all need to think alike.

Serious thinking needs to be involved when you make a change such as perming your hair or Big chopping or transitioning. Folks would say it's only hair but look how much time we spend on a "hair board". I am helping sistas out. I wished someone did a post like this two years ago when I was transitioning. The hardest part of going natural for me and many others is hearing negativity from folks use to seeing you one way or the "percieved negativity". When I first started I thought I would only have to date outside my race because I was told brothers don't like nappy hair. I look back to the that time and laugh becasue lots of black men are feeling me and my hair. When it starts in your mind the rest will follow. If you start off thinking majority of people are not going to like your hair, you give off that vibe. I went to work thinking everyone would hate it to the point I was insecure. Once I started confidently coming into work with my puffs and wearing my fro, folks was feeling it.

If my post comes off harsh, I apologize because that was not my intent. I just don't want folks under a false pretense. I vaquely remembered my natural hair from childhood. I realize it was very thick and healthy. I would see beautiful heads of natural hair on the board. I just refused to get in the mind set that I wanted hair like so and so. I wanted my natural hair to be the best it can be. Going natural was a very freeing experience. I absolutely love being natural. Sometimes it didn't always feel so wonderful. LHCF will set you up in thinking you would have nice hair like member A but member A may just take very good care of their hair. So I don't want members to think their hair is bad becuase it doesn't curl like Member A. This board has shown me how beautiful and healthy black hair can be regardless of texture or chemical process.

 

[Country gal]

Great post Country Girl!

I totally agree that people are natural for different reasons, and we here at LHCF support everyone no matter what their motives or mindset!

Natural hair is different, and seems to cause more drama if your texture is truly nappy/wooly/thick.

Most natural pictures I've seen on this board highlight some degree of curl definition -- I never heard anyone compliment another for having "nappy" hair. Which implies to me that among naturals there is still an "ideal" look.

The truth is you HAVE to make peace and respect your hair - natural, relaxed, curly or nappy!

I think all of us on LCHF would agree that our mindset about our hair is evolving for the better.


p.s. Mscounselor, as a fellow 5-10'er New York & Co is the bomb! I love their long length pants!

Interesting post, Curli. I haven't seen pictures of a straight 4B member.