Forgive me ladies, for i have sinned

[4mia]

i have been a member for awhile here. Recently i lost my 15mth old son and shortly after found out i was expecting again. I have completly neglected my hair and appearance. I really need help with a simple regi since i also work full time. Also I just really need some encouragement to get me back in the game. Im ashamed of my hair right now and i worked really hard in the past to get it healthy and bsl.
please ladies help!! noone but you all understands what a womans appearance mean to them.

TIA

 

[africanviolet92]

I can't help with the reggie since I'm new to the HHJ but I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss. Given the circumstances, it's understandable that you would neglect your hair and appearance. Glad to hear you're back in the game. I'm sure the lovely ladies here will help you out.

Congrats on the baby! Wishing you a H&H pregnancy.

 

[mrsgreene]

Given your circumstances, you defenitinely deserve a pass. I am sure your hair, which was probably one of your top priorities, has understandably plumitted to the bottom of the to do list. I can't imagine what you must dealing with considering that I am a mother of a 20 mo old myself but kuddos to you for having the courage to push forward. As far as your hairs appearance and health, low maitainence will be key for you. Have you considered protective styles like braids, weaves and or braid outs?

 

[Mai Tai]

4mia, it is completely understandable why you have neglected your hair. You have been through a lot. Congrats on taking the steps to heal mentally as well as physically. My question is...Are you relaxed or natural? What problem are you having with your hair? What is your current reggie?

Once you answer these questions, then I'm positive that someone will be able to offer assistance.

 

[4mia]

thanks ladies, i realized i need to stop making myself more depressed and my appearance really makes me depressed.
i have worn protective styles in the past but i lost tons of hair wearing weave and braids.
plus with the new baby coming i dont think i can afford them.

I think buns were the best for me. I may have to go back to that.
thanks for the help
i think ill look through my old fotki albums and see what worked best for me.

 

[LushLox]

I'm so sorry to hear about your baby. Please don't feel ashamed about your hair, I think most people would be in exactly the same place if they were in your shoes.

In terms of your regimen, yes you need something simple and not overly complicated. Is your hair relaxed or natural? In any case whatever you do, just being consistent with cleansing, moisturising and strengthening will be key in bringing your hair back to life.

Cleansing - Not sure what shampoos you like but I opt for sulfate free, like Aveda Dry Remedy
Conditioning - Aubrey Organics Honeysuckle Rose conditioner is a fairly safe bet.
Protein - Aphogee 2 Minute, or perhaps Joico K Pac

You need to think about what works best for you in terms of a moisturiser, do you like butters, oil based, water based etc?

Don't feel pressured to do too much - just be consistent in the first instance.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

 

[4mia]

4mia, it is completely understandable why you have neglected your hair. You have been through a lot. Congrats on taking the steps to heal mentally as well as physically. My question is...Are you relaxed or natural? What problem are you having with your hair? What is your current reggie?

Once you answer these questions, then I'm positive that someone will be able to offer assistance.

thank you

i am relaxed
i have major shedding issues and my hair just seem lifeless
i honestly do not really have a regi, i recently realized i only wash every week. i have been lazy and do not dc. i do not moisturize daily and i do not sleep with a bonnet, mainly because most of the time i fall asleep on the couch watching tv.
i work in a dental office and wear my hair in a ponytail alot. But when im rushing to go to work its the only thing i know how to do.

 

[JollyGal]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss 4mia. Congratulations on your pregnacy.

What protective styles do you like?
What reguimen do you have before?
What products do you like to use?

I will say keep it simple and do not jump on any bandwagons. Please don't be ashamed of your hair. As the other posters have said you've been through a lot.

Have you ever considered using natural products? Like shea butter? I find you can buy them in bulk and they last much longer than commercial products.

Keep thinking positive and don't forget to eat properly especially happy foods like blackberries and bananas

 

[4mia]

I'm so sorry to hear about your baby. Please don't feel ashamed about your hair, I think most people would be in exactly the same place if they were in your shoes.

In terms of your regimen, yes you need something simple and not overly complicated. Is your hair relaxed or natural? In any case whatever you do, just being consistent with cleansing, moisturising and strengthening will be key in bringing your hair back to life.

Cleansing - Not sure what shampoos you like but I opt for sulfate free, like Aveda Dry Remedy
Conditioning - Aubrey Organics Honeysuckle Rose conditioner is a fairly safe bet.
Protein - Aphogee 2 Minute, or perhaps Joico K Pac

You need to think about what works best for you in terms of a moisturiser, do you like butters, oil based, water based etc?

Don't feel pressured to do too much - just be consistent in the first instance.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

thank you, one of my biggest problems and always have been was buying too many products that do not work for me. I have been trying to find affordable products that works well. my hair turned for the worse when i first started with avyurvedic powders. The oils did great but the powders broke my hair off alot.
i use 2 min aphogee, love it.
for moisture i found 2 things that seem to work well. 1. is this new blue magic(dont kill me its not the grease) carrot leave in. It works great for my hair and the ingrediants are really good. Also i ordered some samples for qhemet and they work great.
as far as shampoo i havent found one
and conditioner i recently tried suave humect wich is good but i have yet to find a good dc
where can i get aubreys and aveda ( can i get those local?)
thanks again to everyone for your help

 

[BostonMaria]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think the last thing on my mind would've been hair too so don't knock yourself down. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

As far as a reggie, start with the basics like coconut oil treatments, deep condition at least once a wek, and protective styling.

 

[BostonMaria]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think the last thing on my mind would've been hair too so don't knock yourself down. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

As far as a reggie, start with the basics like coconut oil treatments, deep condition at least once a wek, and protective styling.

 

[Aviah]

I am so sorry to hear this, but I do pray that your new baby is healthy and strong... Congratulations. A simple reggie suggestion is a sulphate-free shampoo ( I use CON) a moisturizing and protein conditioner, as the latter will add strength your relaxed hair (if it is) I use ORS replenishing conditioner (you can also buy this in the pack) and DC once weekly, more if you need it, less if you don't. A good moisturizer (I used to use profective breakfree and healthy ends) and clarify and trim as needed. Of course, you will need to adapt this to suit your needs.. all the best!

 

[4mia]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss 4mia. Congratulations on your pregnacy.
thank you
What protective styles do you like?
i like buns but donuts arent working right now because i got my hair trimmed in slight layers so i have ends that stick out
What reguimen do you have before?
my hair did great when i used the do it yourself cathy howse regi
protein with peppermint dc 1x wk and moisturize dc 1x a week
What products do you like to use?
i never really pinpointed products that i liked. i recently found moisturizers that work (finally) i have yet to find a poo,dc, serum and heat protect.
honestly i have a closet full of stuff that do not work for me and i cant afford to keep buying stuff that do not work

I will say keep it simple and do not jump on any bandwagons. Please don't be ashamed of your hair. As the other posters have said you've been through a lot.

Have you ever considered using natural products? Like shea butter? I find you can buy them in bulk and they last much longer than commercial products.
i have tried natural products, i do admit the cinnamon and honey worked really good, the results are my avi. i wasted alot of money with natural stuff too, i didnt care for butters except avocado. Right now im not sure if i can invest the time or money

Keep thinking positive and don't forget to eat properly especially happy foods like blackberries and bananas

thank you, im trying to do better in that department too.

 

[Mai Tai]

I think the stress of losing your dear baby may have a lot to do with your shedding. The first step is that you should seek professional and spiritual counseling. You have gone through a very traumatic thing, and you need to recover.

I suggest that you hold off on relaxing again until you get the shedding under control. I relax every 10 weeks, and it has worked wonders on decreasing the amount of shedding I have. Keep using heat to a minimum, so you may want to start rocking braidouts, bantu knots, flexi-rod sets, etc. I'm afraid blowdrying and flat ironing may be too much manipulation on your fragile hair.

Next you need to find a really good moisturizing/nourishing shampoo, and good moisturizing and protein conditioner. I like Joico Moisture Recovery Shampoo, Aphogee 2-minute Reconstructor for my protein conditioner, and Silk Elements Megasilk conditioner (the one in the tub, not the bottle) as my moisturizing conditioner. Both of these provide really good slip for my mostly 4b hair, thus decreasing shedding when I detangle.

For leave ins, I use CHI Silk Infusion, and have just started using the Chi Keratin Mist. These both leave my hair soft and strong.

Start taking a multivitamin, this will help with your overall health as well as the health of your hair.

Hope this helps...

 

[4mia]

I am so sorry to hear this, but I do pray that your new baby is healthy and strong... Congratulations. A simple reggie suggestion is a sulphate-free shampoo ( I use CON) a moisturizing and protein conditioner, as the latter will add strength your relaxed hair (if it is) I use ORS replenishing conditioner (you can also buy this in the pack) and DC once weekly, more if you need it, less if you don't. A good moisturizer (I used to use profective breakfree and healthy ends) and clarify and trim as needed. Of course, you will need to adapt this to suit your needs.. all the best!

thanks, i have been hearing great things about con, i saw the the old green label one in the store for the moisturizing poo, but i cannot find the conditioner. Do u know if they have a conditioner thats good also.
i need to really find staples.

 

[Mai Tai]

thank you, one of my biggest problems and always have been was buying too many products that do not work for me. I have been trying to find affordable products that works well. my hair turned for the worse when i first started with avyurvedic powders. The oils did great but the powders broke my hair off alot.
i use 2 min aphogee, love it.
for moisture i found 2 things that seem to work well. 1. is this new blue magic(dont kill me its not the grease) carrot leave in. It works great for my hair and the ingrediants are really good. Also i ordered some samples for qhemet and they work great.
as far as shampoo i havent found one
and conditioner i recently tried suave humect wich is good but i have yet to find a good dc
where can i get aubreys and aveda ( can i get those local?)
thanks again to everyone for your help

I now you can get Aubreys at Whole Foods, Aveda us usually available at Aveda stores, or salons, but I may be mistaken.

Aubrey Organics Honeysuckle Rose Conditioner really helped me when I was beginning my healthy hair journey. It gave my dry hair lots of moisture, plus it's only $11.

 

[4mia]

I think the stress of losing your dear baby may have a lot to do with your shedding. The first step is that you should seek professional and spiritual counseling. You have gone through a very traumatic thing, and you need to recover.
your are very right, the problem is went to the dr for a referr. to talk to someone, but all i got was script for 10 refills of anti depressants. they claim is safe for the baby but i cannot bring myself to take them because i cannot risk it. I am currently trying to find my way spiritually though.
I suggest that you hold off on relaxing again until you get the shedding under control. I relax every 10 weeks, and it has worked wonders on decreasing the amount of shedding I have. Keep using heat to a minimum, so you may want to start rocking braidouts, bantu knots, flexi-rod sets, etc. I'm afraid blowdrying and flat ironing may be too much manipulation on your fragile hair.
I never considered my hair to be fragile, thats probably my first mistake, i have been really abusing it.

Next you need to find a really good moisturizing/nourishing shampoo, and good moisturizing and protein conditioner. I like Joico Moisture Recovery Shampoo,(i never heard of this one, thanx)
Aphogee 2-minute Reconstructor for my protein conditioner, and Silk Elements Megasilk conditioner (the one in the tub, not the bottle) as my moisturizing conditioner. Both of these provide really good slip for my mostly 4b hair, thus decreasing shedding when I detangle.

For leave ins, I use CHI Silk Infusion,
and have just started using the Chi Keratin Mist. These both leave my hair soft and strong.

Start taking a multivitamin, this will help with your overall health as well as the health of your hair.

Hope this helps...

thanks for your help

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

i have been a member for awhile here. Recently i lost my 15mth old son and shortly after found out i was expecting again. I have completly neglected my hair and appearance. I really need help with a simple regi since i also work full time. Also I just really need some encouragement to get me back in the game. Im ashamed of my hair right now and i worked really hard in the past to get it healthy and bsl.
please ladies help!! noone but you all understands what a womans appearance mean to them.

TIA

I'd wash and condition with a very moisturing Pantene...cheap, easy to get, use the leave in for split ends and bun your hair, simple. You need time to recover from such tragedy and get ready for the new blessing that is coming your way. I feel so sorry...please know that you and your family are in my prayers.

 

[4mia]

I'd wash and condition with a very moisturing Pantene...cheap, easy to get, use the leave in for split ends and bun your hair, simple. You need time to recover from such tragedy and get ready for the new blessing that is coming your way. I feel so sorry...please know that you and your family are in my prayers.

thank you, i think bunning and updos will be best for my hair.
also thank you for your prayers.

 

[JollyGal]

Have you considered two strand twists? I find they keep the most moisture in my hair and you can redo any that become loose. I can't comment on buns because I haven't tried them. How about braids without extensions and putting them into one bun?

Is it possible to pick up your old reguimen? But do DC;s every two weeks?

CON is a great shampoo that is sulfate free it's also VERY moisturising. ORS mayo is a DC that is mixed protein with some moisturisers. It lasts for ages too. I don't use serum. Elasta QP mango butter or natural unbleached cocoa butter on wet hair (which is allowed to dry) are good heat protecters. It also depends on how high your heat is.

Cinammon and honey are very cheap and you can mix as much as you need.

Do you have any products from your old reguimen?

Water put in a spray bottle is a good moisturiser.

 

[Mai Tai]

4mia,

These doctors are something else these days. I find it disgusting that you went for help and all you received was a prescription for anti-depressants. Doctors are so quick to throw a pill at you instead of determining the root cause of your problem! (I'm a nurse so this really struck a chord with me.) I suggest that you keep pressing and pushing for a referral. Hell...get on your doctor's nerves until he listens. Let him know that you don't need a pill, or a temporary fix...If he won't listen then fire him! A lot of people do not know that they can fire their doctor. Find a doctor that will listen...that's what they get paid to do. Girl that got me heated over here!

Anyway...back on topic. Always consider your hair an asset that even in it's strongest state, is still very fragile. No protein, moisturizer, powder, or pill can replace simple tender loving care. Treat your hair as you would a fine silk...it's your hair..it deserves it.

 

[jerseygurl]

Just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss and also how happy I am for you. Take it easy and release some of the stress. I find that washing my hair helps to relieve my stress sometimes.

The ladies have given excellent advice,so nothing to add there.

 

[4mia]

Have you considered two strand twists? I find they keep the most moisture in my hair and you can redo any that become loose. I can't comment on buns because I haven't tried them. How about braids without extensions and putting them into one bun?

Is it possible to pick up your old reguimen? But do DC;s every two weeks?
yes i think thats what i need to do.

CON is a great shampoo that is sulfate free it's also VERY moisturising. ORS mayo is a DC that is mixed protein with some moisturisers. It lasts for ages too. I don't use serum. Elasta QP mango butter or natural unbleached cocoa butter on wet hair (which is allowed to dry) are good heat protecters. It also depends on how high your heat is.
i really want to try con
Cinammon and honey are very cheap and you can mix as much as you need.
this worked well just a little messy

Do you have any products from your old reguimen?
i ended up givng most away, or never reordered.
Water put in a spray bottle is a good moisturiser.

thank you!!!!!!!!!

 

[Sapphire_chic]

same here, nothing to add on the hair front these ladies give such great advice. i'm so sorry for your loss. dont worry about the hair as soon as you start your new regime it'll bounce back twice better than ever. congrats on the new baby

 

[4mia]

4mia,

These doctors are something else these days. I find it disgusting that you went for help and all you received was a prescription for anti-depressants. Doctors are so quick to throw a pill at you instead of determining the root cause of your problem! (I'm a nurse so this really struck a chord with me.) I suggest that you keep pressing and pushing for a referral. Hell...get on your doctor's nerves until he listens. Let him know that you don't need a pill, or a temporary fix...If he won't listen then fire him! A lot of people do not know that they can fire their doctor. Find a doctor that will listen...that's what they get paid to do. Girl that got me heated over here!

Anyway...back on topic. Always consider your hair an asset that even in it's strongest state, is still very fragile. No protein, moisturizer, powder, or pill can replace simple tender loving care. Treat your hair as you would a fine silk...it's your hair..it deserves it.

thanks lol, it really didnt sit well with me either. before i found out about being preg. I did take lexapro and some nerve meds but it didnt do anything for me. I soon realized nothing is going to take the pain away, its just something i have to adapt to. the meds they say is safe in pregnancy was prozac but i still cannot take the chance of something going wrong with this preg. And again its not going to take the pain away.
I do plan to talk to my ob about talking to someone though, first i trying to get my spiritual relationship back in check. I have to find a way to help my 3yr old that witnessed her brothers accident and my hubby that feels responsible.

your right i need to take better care of myself in general, i sure do not want my daughters negliecting themselves.

 

[Mai Tai]

thanks lol, it really didnt sit well with me either. before i found out about being preg. I did take lexapro and some nerve meds but it didnt do anything for me. I soon realized nothing is going to take the pain away, its just something i have to adapt to. the meds they say is safe in pregnancy was prozac but i still cannot take the chance of something going wrong with this preg. And again its not going to take the pain away.
I do plan to talk to my ob about talking to someone though, first i trying to get my spiritual relationship back in check. I have to find a way to help my 3yr old that witnessed her brothers accident and my hubby that feels responsible.

your right i need to take better care of myself in general, i sure do not want my daughters negliecting themselves.

If I could just take you, your 3-year old and your husband, and just hug you all...I would. I will keep you all in my prayers. The healing starts now...for all of you.

 

[hothair]

Not much to add to the rest of the ladies, concentrate more on the reggie you had that got you to BSL less on the products, for example if you used a protein treatment every 2 weeks and a moisturising DC every week look for products in your existing stash that are that and just use them up.

Good luck bet you get to BSL again before I do

 

[aquajoyice]

I'm so sorry for your loss and you will be in my prayers. It's okay that hair has taken a backseat, it's normal when your going through a loss. Keep it simple and just make sure to wash and keep your scalp clean and hair moisturized. You should create a schedule and designate certain days to wash and detangle and co-wash etc. Since your schedule is so busy just do protective styles. Bunning, braidout's etc to ensure that your ends are protected. You can make your regimen as simple as you need it to be. You'll be amazed to see your hair become healtheir and longer just by washing, moisturizing and doing protective styling.

 

[WantNatural]

I just want to tell you that I am so sorry for your loss. I can sympathize with the pain of losing a child. You will only be able to move through the pain, not get over it, but eventually you will find it easier to simply breathe. Take each day as it comes. As you heal spiritually perhaps seek counseling specifically from an agency that works with parents that have lost children. There are also support groups. It helps to know that you are not alone.

As far as a regimen is concerned, you have already received some great advice. Aussie Moist is a great staple moisturizer that you can purchase anywhere. It's about $4-$6 depending on whether you buy the small bottle or the pump bottle. Nexxus Humectress is another good one, and you can buy it at Walmart for $8!

Keep in mind how hormones may affect your hair. I know pregnany dries out my skin and hair, so if you can, try to be sure to find the time to moisturize your hair in sections. You may also need to change products as your pregnancy progresses if your hair changes as well. Do try to DC at least once a week. Don't forget your satin/silk bonnet and scarf to protect your hair while you sleep.

You and your family are in my prayers. Congratulations on your pregnancy. And remember that healing takes time. It cannot be rushed. Give yourself the time that you need.

 

[Southern Belle]

4Mia,

I understand exactly what you are feeling. My infant daughter passed away this past April. I was transitioning, but I broke down and relaxed my hair for her funeral. I turned around and got my hair braided two weeks later - and the braids are still in. I swing back and forth between not really caring about my hair (or appearance in general), to hyper-focusing on it. I feel that same vibe in your post. Be patient with yourself. Nobody's expecting us to "get on with it" like before. We have experienced a living hell that most people couldn't imagine if you paid them.

As for the shedding, you are under an incredible amount of stress. But relaxing (your mind and body - not your hair!) and staying on top of those prenatal vitamins should curb a lot of it. The good news is you're expecting another bundle of joy, so there is ample opportunity for your hair to recover and thrive. Just stay on top of your deep conditioning, moisture and protein balance, and protective styling - and your hair will be back to normal in no time flat.