Going Natural Pt. 2 - Mental Preparedness???

[JenJen2721]

I've heard many naturals say that they had to prepare themselves mentally before going natural. What exactly is that like? What does it involve?

Did you really have to prepare yourself mentally to go natural? Why?


Just curious...please share your thoughts.

TIA,
Jen

 

[patience]

Basically, by just being ready for the negativity that you will likely encounter from family, friends and strangers. If you have a tough skin already, then it may not bother you. However, for some of us, the ONLY support that we had was a website. Prayer helped me, ALOT!!! Initially, I was sooo concerned about what others would think that I began losing sleep at night and I was ALREADY sleep deprived to begin with. When I started to lose the little bit of sleep that I DID manage to get each night, that was the final straw for me. The next morning, in the shower at the gym, I washed and conditioned my hair, gathered it into a ponytail, grabbed my shears and cut off almost 10in. of my hair. I LITERALLY came out of the shower with a ponytail in my hand and a HUGE 10,000 kilowatt smile on my face!

I had folks that were LITERALLY pissed off at me and stopped speaking to me for a while after I cut MY hair. And these are folks that I've known since 8th grade. Some folks took it as a personal affront to them because I cut off my long hair and they were trying to grow their hair long.

I really advise you to check the the Dispelling Natural Hair Myths thread as well. That thread details experiences that others have had as well.

I hope this helps!

 

[SherryLove]

I had to mentally prepare myself because I have been relaxing my hair for 24 years...It's going to be a major lifestyle change for me. I have to think of how I will wear and style my natural hair...How I will wash and condition my natural hair. I had to mentally prepare myself to deal with the negative comments from the folks of the anti-nappy and happy movement. I am so used to relaxed hair. I have never done and embraced my natural hair...My maternal grandmother did it for me for the first 13 years of my life, and then I slapped a relaxer on it when it was time for me to do it myself. It's almost as if I am getting to know and appreciate someone or something that I should have appreciated all along......

 

[JenJen2721]

Wow Patience,
That's deep...especially that people stopped talking to you after you cut YOUR OWN hair.

But, thanks for sharing...I appreciate it!

 

[JenJen2721]

[ QUOTE ]
SherryLove said:
I had to mentally prepare myself because I have been relaxing my hair for 24 years...It's going to be a major lifestyle change for me. I have to think of how I will wear and style my natural hair...How I will wash and condition my natural hair. I had to mentally prepare myself to deal with the negative comments from the folks of the anti-nappy and happy movement. I am so used to relaxed hair. I have never done and embraced my natural hair...My maternal grandmother did it for me for the first 13 years of my life, and then I slapped a relaxer on it when it was time for me to do it myself. It's almost as if I am getting to know and appreciate someone or something that I should have appreciated all along......

[/ QUOTE ]

That makes sense.

I'm sure it will be harder for you than it will for me because you have a lot of length. I definitely

you.

 

[alibi]

You also have to get prepared to treat your natural hair differently than your relaxed hair. They don't look the same, don't feel the same, and don't respond to the same products. For me, this has been the biggest challenge during my 11 month transition (yay!) b/c you have to sort of unlearn your hair. It's exciting for me to see all my new coils and waves coming in, but I have to learn how to nurture and care for them so my hair can look its best. I had my routine down when I was relaxed, and now I'm all over the place trying to figure out what works on my natural hair. So mentally, you have to be prepared to deal with a whole new texture.

 

[JenJen2721]

[ QUOTE ]
ayanapooh said:
You also have to get prepared to treat your natural hair differently than your relaxed hair. They don't look the same, don't feel the same, and don't respond to the same products. For me, this has been the biggest challenge during my 11 month transition (yay!) b/c you have to sort of unlearn your hair. It's exciting for me to see all my new coils and waves coming in, but I have to learn how to nurture and care for them so my hair can look its best. I had my routine down when I was relaxed, and now I'm all over the place trying to figure out what works on my natural hair. So mentally, you have to be prepared to deal with a whole new texture.

[/ QUOTE ]

How close are you to finding good products for your natural hair. You hair texture looks very similar to my daughters...are you a 3c?

How much longer are you planning to transition?

 

[alibi]

[ QUOTE ]
JenJen2721 said:
How close are you to finding good products for your natural hair. You hair texture looks very similar to my daughters...are you a 3c?

How much longer are you planning to transition?

[/ QUOTE ]

I have found some products that are good, but I'm still hunting. For instance, I was hooked on Motions moisture plus shampoo and silk protein conditioner b/c they detangled my hair really well, but they've not been doing the trick lately.

I have 5 1/2 inches of new growth, and it's getting very frustrating!

SO I am on the hunt for a good shampoo and conditioner. I think I may order some of the Carol's Daughter HHB - I believe Hairlove said it's good for detangling!

I'm probably going to transition for the rest of the year, which will make alomst a year and a half. By then I should have almost 9 inches of new growth, and I'll try to cut off the relaxed ends for the New Year.

I really want to go up to curve salon in Brooklyn and le them have a look at my hair. I'm going to New York on business in September, so I may try to go then.

 

[lsubabiedee]

Well, I had to prepare myself for the rude and ignorant comments that I may encounter. Being natural for Black women is going against the norm, so you stand out. I didnt know how people would react, so I had to prepare myself for it. I had to prepare myself for taking care of the natural hair I hadnt seen in 8 years.

It just depends on how you are going to wear ur hair while natural. If ur gonna wear it straight, then I don't think ur gonna have to prepare urself as much. And sadly, it depends a lot on hair texture. Not for you, but for others in the world.

hth

 

[Ipanema]

I think you do have to prepare yourself mentally, especially if you have nappy hair. After I big-chopped, it was like I had to brace myself every time I went out into public because people stared & stared! People would look at me like this:

Then you have to prepare do deal with having your hair act any way it wants to. You can leave the house with your hair looking one way, but after a few hours your hair might turn into a giant, frizzy, dry-looking bush. Then more stares.

Styling is another issue. Be prepared for major frustration if you're used to relaxed hair & being able to slap it into a ponytail if you wanted. It takes patience & practice.

 

[gabrielle2]

i had no idea what i was going to encounter after i went natural...and although i have had some crazy incidents..some still do not measure up to some of the stories shared on NP.

people walking up and looking at you as if you are some freak of nature happening..and then asking.."so what do you plan to do with it?" WHAT DO YOU PLAN TO DO WITH YOUR HAIR?! goodness..i say let it grow..no more relaxers for me..in which they look at me as if i said..YO MOMMA!

people who feel the need to let you know..you should a) get it pressed..i dont do ANY HEAT on this head..or b) get a texturizer to make it more manageable...WHO SAID I WAS HAVING A HARD TIME?!

the care that comes along with natural hair is not the same as relaxed. so now i had to learn how to do my hair all over again and go through an entirely different regimen. (which i happen to like better)

the rest for me falls in those myths categories..the things that people say to you..do to you..or the like. even my momma..(whom i did not tell my intentions of going natural while transitioning) remains disgusted..AS IF I CARE! said to me one day..."you are supposed to be setting an example for the children" (my students) i asked what did she mean...she says my hair looks like theirs...AND? how does theirs look? no comment from her...oh well

this is about me and what i want to do. this is the texture GOD gave me and i love it!

 

[sillygurl18]

What example does having natural hair set except for do what makes you happy no matter what anybody says?

 

[Casarela]

[ QUOTE ]
JenJen2721 said:
I've heard many naturals say that they had to prepare themselves mentally before going natural. What exactly is that like? What does it involve?

Did you really have to prepare yourself mentally to go natural? Why?


Just curious...please share your thoughts.

TIA,
Jen


[/ QUOTE ]


I trieed to prepare my self mentally b4 going natural and trust me ...even if you think youre ready for anything ....the truth is youre probably never ready mentally enough for that . I thought I was and boyyyyyyy I was wrong. Especially with my mother dissin' me 24/7 about how my hair is ugly and looks dirty and this and that. The first year was HORRIBLE. The first year is the worst one , because thats where you have to get use to having short hair( which i never got use to) and have to find a new routine and have to face people comments 24/7 ...Are you nuts ?? why did you cut your long hair??? Are you going to loc your hair? Are you a rastafarian?? all kind of questions and comments!!
I remember times when I wanted to go back to a perm because I couldnt take it anymore. Trust me , if you think its only hair ...youre probably wrong. Because if it was only hair I wouldnt feel like ive went through a saga. Its crazy how people can affect your life even when u think and say screw others if they dont like it its my hair theyre not paying my bills....ya right ...in the end youre still thinking if youve made the right choice and hoping that youre hair will grow. Well thats what i went through . I didnt have a lot of people to support me . I had more friends supporting me online than my own "friends" that are surrounding me everyday. Ive learned who are my real friends it made me realize a loooooot of things . I dont regret one step. It was a bit hardcore and harsh but it was worth it.

 

[TigerLily]

[ QUOTE ]
Ipanema said:
I think you do have to prepare yourself mentally, especially if you have nappy hair. After I big-chopped, it was like I had to brace myself every time I went out into public because people stared & stared! People would look at me like this:

Then you have to prepare do deal with having your hair act any way it wants to. You can leave the house with your hair looking one way, but after a few hours your hair might turn into a giant, frizzy, dry-looking bush. Then more stares.

Styling is another issue. Be prepared for major frustration if you're used to relaxed hair & being able to slap it into a ponytail if you wanted. It takes patience & practice.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree. It wasn't much of a mental prep. for me, though. I'd just come to a time in my life where I wanted a change. I got tired of the relax-thin-break-dandruff cycle. So, when I went natural, I was ready. It's exciting leaning my hair, too. I get to try all sorts of new products/styles with the excuse of trying to find the right products for my hair!!

 

[leejure]

Yes, mental preparation I believe is in order

When I did the big chop to a twa and wearing my short and natural for years, people made rude comments and assumptions. The same with my friend. But it wasn't a big life changing preparation - but it was an adjustment.

-lee

 

[pookeylou]

I have said from the beginning...a person should not cut off their relaxed ends until they have the length that they are comfortable with AND they have gone through the MENTAL transition back to natural hair.

If they dont understand the seriousness of relaxers.
If they dont understand the history of our hair.
If they dont rid their minds of unrealistic expectations about thier hair.
If they dont learn to love their natural hair with its shrinkage, its lack of glossy shine, its cottony, wooly texture....then they will eventually begin to view it in the negative and try to "fix" it.

If you learn to love your natural hair...you dont need to prepare for the worst...because the worst wont matter when it comes to how you view your hair.

Some people have lost jobs, loves, family...over their hair. But that is not the norm...so no need to scare yourself silly. What really needs to be address is "Do I love my natural hair...no matter what?"

That is a joyous place to be mentally, whether it is a decision about your hair, your size, your looks...love yourself...and what others think of your decisions wont matter as much as how YOU view YOU.

Nappy hair taught me that...and I was 35 when I learned it.

 

[inthepink]

[ QUOTE ]
ayanapooh said:
You also have to get prepared to treat your natural hair differently than your relaxed hair. They don't look the same, don't feel the same, and don't respond to the same products. For me, this has been the biggest challenge during my 11 month transition (yay!) b/c you have to sort of unlearn your hair. It's exciting for me to see all my new coils and waves coming in, but I have to learn how to nurture and care for them so my hair can look its best. I had my routine down when I was relaxed, and now I'm all over the place trying to figure out what works on my natural hair. So mentally, you have to be prepared to deal with a whole new texture.

[/ QUOTE ]

I could have written this exact same paragraph. I don't focus too much on the "mental preparedness" of transitioning. I'm more focused on the health of my hair. Still, I know I will have to get used to having 'big hair' when I spent my entire life trying not to have big hair.

 

[Ayeshia]

i didnt mentally prepare myself at all

I just went ahead and chopped at the spur of the moment. To be honest, it wasnt/still isnt a big deal to me. No one has been negative towards me because of my hair (minus the lesbian assumptions) so it was rather easy to embrace my twa. In fact I get more comments on my hair now

 

[gabrielle2]

[ QUOTE ]
sillygurl18 said:
What example does having natural hair set except for do what makes you happy no matter what anybody says?

[/ QUOTE ]EXACTLY! and the thing is..my mom is natural. (although not by choice) due to her health..being in a wheel chair..she can no longer do the beauty salons. so she has been pressing and pressing and pressing. i even made her a hair butter and she has just finished reading "hair story" so that she can at LEAST try to understand my journey and respect it.

i try to help my mother care for her hair. it is so damaged. granted her natural hair is good and thick (despite medications and 30 plus yrs of sickness including a brain tumor..the scar on her head..etc) but her regimen SUCKS! she is killing her hair and as i try to assist her..she gets

and doesnt half understand what i am saying. (something about her mental process now) so i know that part isnt her fault. but i do try to help

in the meantime..its about me and what makes me happy and NOT being moved by the opinions of others. my dad (i feel) doesnt like it..but he never says a negative word. which i deeply respect. i just wish that others would understand..i am NOT SEEKING VALIDATION! lol..whew..just had to type it like that. if you like it..fine..if you dont..fine...its all about me

 

[phynestone]

When I was natural, I was asked if I was a man several times, especially when I didn't dress up or make any attempts to look like a female at times. I'm not sure if that was worse or being laughed at a track meet due to me wearing my 'fro out.

 

[joyous]

The negative comments are a pain in the backside. Members of my own family are always asking when am I getting my hair done. I tell them it is done, the way I want it. My uncle and I got in a heated discussion several weeks ago because one of my other cousins is also natural. His comment"nappy hair don't look good on nobody, why can't woman just perm their hair so it looks nice". I told him because this is what God gave them and it looks beautiful just the way it is, God doesn't make mistakes. I love my natural hair. When I straighten it sometimes I can't wait to wash it again and have it return to its natural state. It just feels so free to know your natural hair.

 

[bettydavis]

Even though I've been natural for a while now, I feel like I've still been mentally transistioning....I wear braids with extensions alot, but Ive been wearing my hair out more often and starting to love the way it looks. It also looks alot heathier and more moisturised than it did before, which makes me feel better about it. I haven't gotten very many negative comments on my natural hair, my family has been very supportive, actually I feel like everyone I talk to prefers natural hair to straightened.... Its really my own hangups that I'm getting over.

 

[inkysphinx]

Although I stopped perming in Nov 2001, I didn't start wearing my own hair out until Nov 2003. I had just discovered Nappturality, and I went to a gathering, and I was on other dites, and I was so gung ho about my hair!

But I definitely had unrealistic expectations about what it would be like. At first, I didn't care what anyone said or thought. But comments made by a family member--on a DAILY basis--started to wear me down. I considered ways to fix my hair although deep down, I knew it wasn't what I wanted to do. So, at the end of Dec 2003 I got microbraids again, even though I vowed to not do it. I took them out 1 month later, and my hairline was damaged. It was like I undid all of the growth that I had attained in that one month.

Then I started wearing it out, but less often. I felt that ppl were looking at me. And the comments from the family member: "you need to do something with that." I started wearing a quick weave to protect my hair from the cold air, but to also avoid negative looks/comments. Then I got kinky twists to stop obsessing about the growth rate of my hair!

It is SO important to have the mental prep that everyone else has mentioned. It also helps to find a hair idol on the hair boards, and to frequent their albums when you need style ideas, encouragement or just inspiration to keep you from going back to the perm. Once I take these braids out, I will be on a no braid challenge for a year.

 

[PittGirl06]

What i smeant by shrinkage when it comes to natural hair?

Does this mean that it looks shorter but i tis actually longer but due to the hair shrinking up it appears shorter anyways??? SOmeone explain to me.....thanks.

 

[NubianAngel]

That's exactly what it means. My shrinkage is over 50%, so a 9 inch strand shrinks up to 4 inches when wet.

 

[gabrielle2]

shrinkage is NO JOKE! at least for me.

i always surprise people when i wear my hair in twists for days on end..because it barely looks to be 1.5 inches and then i come out with my hair out such as in my avatar..and people are like

imagine what it would do if i pressed it or used a blow dryer..OH WELL...we will never know ..because those are things i dont do to my hair nor plan to do.

peace

 

[ChildlikeEmpress]

For me, the preparation entailed a handful of different things. My mental transition started one day when I looked at my box of relaxer and thought of all the pain and inconvenience I went through just to make my hair straight. I didn't feel like putting myself through that right then; I put the box back in the cabinet, thinking, "Wouldn't it be nice if I never had to go through that again?" But since I felt I didn't have "good hair," that simply wasn't an option for me. (This is, of course, ignoring the fact that I had always admired natural styles on other women regardless of their hair texture. For some bizarre reason, it just "wasn't for me."

)

Later on, I was surfing the Internet and came across a beautiful picture of the African goddess Oshun. I identified with it: the brownness of her skin, the kinkiness of her hair, her beautiful African features. I was startled when I realized that the very things which made her so beautiful were things that belonged to me -- kinky hair included. I realized that maybe -- just maybe -- I DIDN'T have to perm again.

Then, I did a little reading on the reasons why black women in American had started straightening their hair in the first place. It made me absolutely sick. I knew right then and there that perming again was no longer an option. I chopped about a week or two later.

I think that if you choose to go natural, you'd best be prepared for anything. Regardless of what happens, it WILL be a learning experience. But I think the true gist of being prepared is seeing the truth of your own beauty and realizing that there's nothing you need to change.

~Rochelle.

 

[gabrielle2]

that was beautiful!

 

[DragonPearl]

[ QUOTE ]
gabrielle2 said:
i had no idea what i was going to encounter after i went natural..

The care that comes along with natural hair is not the same as relaxed. so now i had to learn how to do my hair all over again and go through an entirely different regimen. (which i happen to like better)

This is the texture GOD gave me and i love it!

[/ QUOTE ]

That basically sums it up for me. I had tried going natural on 2 other occasions before, but this time, I was mentally ready, so there was no turning back and everything seemed much easier. I was curious about the hair I was going to discover, and I was ready to accept it. It was and still is an adventure, like diving into the unknown...

 

[DragonPearl]

[ QUOTE ]
NubianAngel said:
That's exactly what it means. My shrinkage is over 50%, so a 9 inch strand shrinks up to 4 inches when wet.

[/ QUOTE ]

Girl, I have like 90% shrinkage. My hair can shrink to 1 inch if I don't do anything to it after I wash it.