Going Natural When "Older"?

[Bachelorette]

From what I have seen, some people say that when certain naturals try to make them feel bad hence "oh I'll do it sometime in my life". Ive seen it. Even here ie. "its a cop out"..cop out to what? Personally dont know why they feel the need to justify their choices though

 

[Stepiphanie]

I used to think abt going Natural when I was older..But in my 30, not when I "let myself go" or whatever. My plan was to transition when I got pregnant and say bye bye to relaxers bc I don't want to relax my future daughter's hair, and didn't want to seem like a hypocrite having relaxed hair but preaching to her that her hair was beautiful. I say this to say, I no longer feel that need to wait. The way I see it now is even though I like my relaxed hair I have nothing to lose and probably a whole lot to gain by going natural now. I've been inspired by so many ladies here , on yt etc with beautiful natural hair. Which give me confidence that I will be able to learn how to mange my natural hair just fine.

 

[ThickHair]

You know what doesn't make sense to me?

That folks say they'll go natural when they're older because they don't want the hassle of relaxing anymore.

And every time I see it I'm thinking...so after 30-40 years of not seeing your natural hair you think it's going to be easy to learn how to take care of it all of a sudden? And I have a feeling those same people will go right back to relaxing when they can't get their hair to do what they want it to do.

Mainly because their hair wasn't what they thought it could be, also "CURL DEFINITION" has a lot to do with it.

BFF love her to death, but she does not get that concept.

 

[BostonMaria]

I'm in my late 30's and I started the transitioning process almost 3 years ago. I waited this long because:

• I really didn't know how to transition. Not a clue. Had I known how to do this in my 20's I would've done it back then.
• Up until a few years ago there were no forums to help me do this. I relied on my stylist who lied to me and said all my hair was going to fall out if I transitioned. I asked my mom and she said the same thing.
• I was still dating and going to the clubs in my 20's and I didn't want to cut my hair off. Hey I wanted to look cute so shoot me LOL I sacrificed (I feel) 2 years of my life transitioning and growing my hair out. I am with a man that accepts me the way I am and I felt comfortable transitioning and knowing he'd still find me attractive. My DH's opinion still matters to me even though we've been married for a while.

I'm "older" compared to most women on here, but I definitely have not let myself go and then all of a sudden decided to look a hot mess therefore transition LOL Not sure where you guys got that from.

BTW transitioning to natural is such a personal decision. I never thought to myself oh I'll never look pretty if I have natural hair. My thought was more like oh God do I really have to cut all my hair off and start from scratch? For some of us that's a hard decision to make. Its a decision I definitely don't regret, but I can't shoot somebody down for not thinking like me.

 

[mj11051]

I went natural after age 40 but it had nothing to do with my age, It was my choice to stop relaxing period. Most of the time I love my natural hair and sometimes I hate it, like now, I'm really considering another BC.

 

[IDareT'sHair]

I Think It Just Boils Down to: A Matter Of Personal Choice.

If You want to Go Natural -- be Natural. If you want to Stay Relaxed: Stay Relaxed.

I am sure Exposure to Forums Like this will Help "Us" 40+ Year Old Women Stay Relaxed with Long Healthy Hair if that is Our Choice and Help Us Deal with Issues we Face with our Hair to Help Keep it Relaxed and Healthy as we age gracefully.

Perhaps if many other BW were exposed to Healthy Hair Care, they would have chosen to remain relaxed Well into their 50's & 60's.

Knowledge is Power. If You know how to properly deal with relaxed hair, I see no reason, you can't make the choice to Stay Relaxed (if that is your preference).

It Certainly has Nothing to Do with One Letting Themselves Go.

I Shall Remain A True Diva.

 

[BrooklynSouth]

My hair was thick and natural from birth to 29, then relaxed for years until I decided enough of salon imprisonment; now back to my beautiful thick, natural hair which is even more beautifully thick and healthy since I know how to keep it that way. Such as shame too many think beauty and sexiness is only valid when you are less than 40.

 

[IDareT'sHair]

Such as shame too many think beauty and sexiness is only valid when you are less than 40.

Girl.....As They Say: BLACK DON'T CRACK! We are Just Hitting Our Stride at 40 and Looking/Feeling Our Best.

Outlook and Attitude are definitely equally important as physical attributes.

Black Women don't necessarily show "our age" like our Counterparts. We can get mistaken for 30 at 45!

If You properly take care of Your Skin, Hair, Weight Management, Teeth etc....You Will Still Be As Beautiful As Ever (if Not More). Plus You Have Financial Independence & Sexual (Emotional) Independence As Well.

And We Truly KNOW Ourselves and KNOWING Onself is the Greatest Beauty One Can Possess.

*from a Cougar still able to pull like the young girls*

 

[SouthernStunner]

That phrase is all too common when people speak of going natural. I heard this all the time growing up, and still hear it now from time to time.

What people mean by that is "I'll go natural when I reach a point in my life where I'm no longer concerned with looking sexy beautiful and attractive" what they're really saying is "I'll go natural when I let myself go" because many still equate wearing one's natural texture out for the world to see with being unkempt and not beautiful. It's thinly veiled ignorance in my experience.

*the way ljbee meant it would be the exception of course*

This maybe the case for some but to generalize is so unfair. I have never said aloud I would go natural when I am older but I have considered it. And yes when I am older I do mean 45-50. What I have learned from my one year stretch (I only had about 4-5in when I started my stretch) is that my natural hair takes a lot of time and that is something I just dont have right now. I have twin 6yr olds, I work full time, in school full time, and I am a wife. When I get 45-50 my kids will be grown and gone and I will be finish school and I should be comfortable in my career. At this time I can finially breath and if I so desire to go natural that would be the best time.

This is my reasoning. I will go to my grave sexy no matter what natural or relaxed.

 

[dicapr]

There are alot of things I want to do when I get older and putting it off is NOT a cop out. I would like to get sisterlocks when I get older. It has nothing to do with giving up or not caring about how I look. When I am older I will have the money for the up keep. The same with the styling of natural hair. Some know that they will have to pay to keep their natural hair up. Depending on where you live, it can be more expensive than keeping up relaxed hair. For me, to get my hair done at a shop that specialized in transitioning hair/ natural hair would be a hour drive for a hair style that would be 50-60 dollars that would only last one week. The idea of rocking nice professionally done natural styles would have to wait until my financial situation improved.

 

[jamaraa]

I second the motion that its a cop-out. I've worked for years in Corporate America as a Realtor at my Real Estate Firm in Midtown with an Angela Davis sized fro, twists, twist-outs, fro, straw sets and straightened here and there and everyone simply oooh'd and ahhhed over my hair and kept it movin. I got my Real Estate license when I was 19 and was hired before I even graduated from the licensing course. I haven't had any issues with men either, the only difference is thugs no longer come up to me(not losin any sleep over that!) and I seem to have more of a crossover appeal now because I'm attracting a much wider range of races then ever before.

I think it boils down to decision of weather you live your life to make other people feel comfortable, to fit into the category of average, or if you're comfortable being the exception to the rule and standing apart from the crowd. I think our experiences being natural have everything to do with the energy we put out there and how we carry ourselves and very little to do with having coily hair.

That being said, I don't know what its like to be a natural in the South and I know that there is a real reigonal difference.

Can I ask you a question....how long have you been natural? I ask because I've been so for 99% of my life. IOW natural hair no big deal for me and I will not try to judge others for making a different decision. Frankly, I think you're reading far too much into hair as any sort of testiment as to how a person thinks.

Dare I suggest that "crossover appeal" could be a motive FOR going natural that people aren't willing to actually examine? LOL....

 

[msa]

That phrase is all too common when people speak of going natural. I heard this all the time growing up, and still hear it now from time to time.

What people mean by that is "I'll go natural when I reach a point in my life where I'm no longer concerned with looking sexy beautiful and attractive" what they're really saying is "I'll go natural when I let myself go" because many still equate wearing one's natural texture out for the world to see with being unkempt and not beautiful. It's thinly veiled ignorance in my experience.

I agree with you...to a point. I don't think it's about "letting themselves go". I think it's about the fact that people don't believe natural (esp type 4) hair is beautiful and it is unkempt. And those things don't matter once you are of a certain age, established in your career, have a husband, and are more free to "be you" and express your authentic self. The negative repercussions associated with having natural hair are unimportant if you're already comfortably established in life.

Part of the reason for this is because historically, black women only wore their natural hair in childhood and then in their late adulthood. In the middle, straightened hair is the norm. It's what we're used to seeing.

But, people are always going to have reasons and excuses for why they can't wear their natural hair. They may be different from person to person but the root of it is, they just don't want to. And that's their prerogative.

 

[tocktick]

I Think It Just Boils Down to: A Matter Of Personal Choice.

Knowledge is Power. If You know how to properly deal with relaxed hair, I see no reason, you can't make the choice to Stay Relaxed (if that is your preference).

It Certainly has Nothing to Do with One Letting Themselves Go.

I Shall Remain A True Diva.

Re your bold: whilst that may be true for some people, I think many of the posters here are talking exclusively about those who have bought into the idea that you only go natural if you're past your "prime". That has nothing to do with maintenance, a preference for straight hair etc but an acceptance of the idea that straight hair (or loosely curly tex'd hair) is far more attractive than the natural texture growing from their scalps.

I, for one, know full well that there are some women who do not buy into the above idea yet choose to go natural at a later stage for whatever reason. Hence why I made sure to avoid using words like "all" in order to avoid generalising.

As for relaxed heads who feel the need to pretend they're going natural because they feel "pressured" perplexed)...well, it just isn't that serious. There are deeper reasons present leading them to lie unnecessarily, imo. There just isn't some angry mob of naturals who get pissed off when they hear some relaxed head is relaxed and loving it. Ultimately, what one chooses to do with their hair doesn't affect me so I'm just not that invested and I'd think on this kind of board many more naturals feel the same way I do. However, from time to time I do like to engage in conversations about the choices people make. I feel it's an interesting topic and many times you find some people make "choices" due to reasons that go deeper than the surface, especially in the black community. Whatever your reasons for doing XYZ, I don't think that can be denied.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

Can I ask you a question....how long have you been natural? I ask because I've been so for 99% of my life.

I've been natural most of my life too. I was relaxed only about 4 yrs out of my life.

IOW natural hair no big deal for me and I will not try to judge others for making a different decision. Frankly, I think you're reading far too much into hair as any sort of testiment as to how a person thinks.

I was referencing a specific phrase people say that I've heard people say since I was little I've had people (several) tell me they'll only go natural when they get old and no longer are concerned with looking cute. So I was referencing a specific coded language people use when talking about being natural its not like i said "all relaxed people are this" I'm speaking on something people have been saying forever int he Black community. Its just like the good hair thing, one could feasibly argue that all the person is saying is that your hair looks nice, but when you were born and raised around something you understand that certain words and certian terms have a much deeper meaning then whats on the surface.

Dare I suggest that "crossover appeal" could be a motive FOR going natural that people aren't willing to actually examine? LOL....

lmao! nah I went natural because I my hair was thinning out and breaking off with the relaxer and because I knew being natural fit my personality and values best........the crossover appeal was just a pleasant surprise, a cherry on the sundae

 

[charmtreese]

I'm in my late 30's and I started the transitioning process almost 3 years ago. I waited this long because:

• I really didn't know how to transition. Not a clue. Had I known how to do this in my 20's I would've done it back then.
• Up until a few years ago there were no forums to help me do this. I relied on my stylist who lied to me and said all my hair was going to fall out if I transitioned. I asked my mom and she said the same thing.
• I was still dating and going to the clubs in my 20's and I didn't want to cut my hair off. Hey I wanted to look cute so shoot me LOL I sacrificed (I feel) 2 years of my life transitioning and growing my hair out. I am with a man that accepts me the way I am and I felt comfortable transitioning and knowing he'd still find me attractive. My DH's opinion still matters to me even though we've been married for a while.

I'm "older" compared to most women on here, but I definitely have not let myself go and then all of a sudden decided to look a hot mess therefore transition LOL Not sure where you guys got that from.

BTW transitioning to natural is such a personal decision. I never thought to myself oh I'll never look pretty if I have natural hair. My thought was more like oh God do I really have to cut all my hair off and start from scratch? For some of us that's a hard decision to make. Its a decision I definitely don't regret, but I can't shoot somebody down for not thinking like me.

I wish i could "Thank you" twice for this post!!

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

Who says you have to cut your hair at all? I never did a big chop a mini chop or any kinda chop.....there IS such a thing as a long term transition....

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

This maybe the case for some but to generalize is so unfair. I have never said aloud I would go natural when I am older but I have considered it. And yes when I am older I do mean 45-50. What I have learned from my one year stretch (I only had about 4-5in when I started my stretch) is that my natural hair takes a lot of time and that is something I just dont have right now. I have twin 6yr olds, I work full time, in school full time, and I am a wife. When I get 45-50 my kids will be grown and gone and I will be finish school and I should be comfortable in my career. At this time I can finially breath and if I so desire to go natural that would be the best time.

This is my reasoning. I will go to my grave sexy no matter what natural or relaxed.

Thats great and thats why I ended the post saying *the way ljbee meant it would be the exception of course*, the way you meant it would fall under that category

As for the natural hair taking alot of time portion, its 100% what you make of it, I thought that too untill I discovered pixie braids/twists. If you want to find a simple regimen you'll find it if you make it complex...it'll be that, where theres a will theres a way.

There are alot of things I want to do when I get older and putting it off is NOT a cop out. I would like to get sisterlocks when I get older. It has nothing to do with giving up or not caring about how I look. When I am older I will have the money for the up keep.

The money? Who says you have to pay someone to maintain your natural hair?

The same with the styling of natural hair. Some know that they will have to pay to keep their natural hair up. Depending on where you live, it can be more expensive than keeping up relaxed hair.

I don't think its ever a good idea to rely on "stylists" to handle all your haircare. The only thing I go to the salon for is a trim. If you want to grow long thick natural hair, you have to become versed in being a do it yourselfer, if you're gonna wait untill you have the huge sums of $$ to shell out to pay someone who probably doesn't even know what they're talking about in the first place, then you'll probably never go natural.

For me, to get my hair done at a shop that specialized in transitioning hair/ natural hair would be a hour drive for a hair style that would be 50-60 dollars that would only last one week.

Then why don't you keep your $$ in your pockets and do your hair yourself? Who says we have to be chained to our stylist?

The idea of rocking nice professionally done natural styles would have to wait until my financial situation improved.

I rock fly professional looking styles all the time and I do em all myself......all the styles on my siggy and all the styles on my blog I did at home with cheap natural or commercial products with an average price of 2-6 dollars. Do your styling yourself and your wallet and hair will thank you for it.

 

[JenBenCal]

I am in no way trying to be offensive when I post this, but I am offended myself. I am relaxed, have been so for a couple years, but in no way do I feel like I have to go natural as soon as I'm past my "prime". Do I think about going natural sooner? Of course I do. All the time. However my reasons for why I remain relaxed are my own. I don't think it's a "cop-out" for all relaxed heads and, frankly, that word bothers me. Honestly, why does it even matter? Why does it matter how people decide to wear their hair? It is THEIR'S--they're not responsible for reporting back to anyone with an explanation of why they chose to do whatever it is they do. At the end of the day, I love my hair, I love my NG and I love who I am. I am in no way "hiding" or "copping-out" just because I decide not to be natural right now. Every human being is different and for those who generalize to say that relaxed heads believe that natural hair looks "unkempt" or isn't as sexy as relaxed hair--who's to define what IS or ISN'T sexy? And if they think relaxed hair is sexy or natural hair is sexy, who cares? Honestly. If you're living your life the way you want to, why does it matter how other people live theirs? If you're happy, that's all that matters. And why do we have to pick a "side" of sorts--like if I want to go natural I better decide now because there's no way I can decide at a later date or something, even if it WAS in my 50s??? For heaven sakes, honestly, it's HAIR. Hair doesn't define ME as a person and that's just the way it's going to be. I'm not saying some relaxed ladies don't think that natural hair is "unkempt" because, unfortunately, I'm sure there are people out there who carry those stereotypes. But it goes both ways--there are naturals who think that relaxed heads are just denying themselves or believe that relaxed hair is a "cop-out", as has already been stated. When you say things like that, it's just as bad as saying that natural hair is unkempt because you're only judging others when you don't even know them. I feel strongly about this because I'm tired of feeling like I have to choose a side. In no way do I carry the sentiments that I'm going to relax at a later date because of "letting myself go". Shoot, I'm STILL going to look fly at 40, 50, 60, whatever age I am! Hair is hair. Let's find something more important to define ourselves by. Nobody has to agree with me, but since we're all being honest, I thought I'd throw my opinion out there.

 

[charmtreese]

Who says you have to cut your hair at all? I never did a big chop a mini chop or any kinda chop.....there IS such a thing as a long term transition....

You may want to re-read BostonMaria's post....She did not say that you have to BC!!! I think WE all know that BC'ing is not mandatory. erplexed

 

[DDTexlaxed]

I decided that being natural is more healthy for me. As I got older, relaxers started not to take well and the scalp burns were just horrible. I am not skilled at braids, but even if I am a strait haired natural, my hair is more thick and healthier since my transition. At last, I have come to realize that my opinion of my hair is what matters. I never thought I would look good with natural hair. A friend of mine helped me to see that I didn't NEED a relaxer to look good. I am confident in other things, but my hair just seemed to be the last piece of the puzzle.

 

[charmtreese]

The money? Who says you have to pay someone to maintain your natural hair?

Again reading is so fundamental. Dicapr was referring to the up keep of sister locks, which can be costly!!!

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

I am in no way trying to be offensive when I post this, but I am offended myself. I am relaxed, have been so for a couple years, but in no way do I feel like I have to go natural as soon as I'm past my "prime". Do I think about going natural sooner? Of course I do. All the time. However my reasons for why I remain relaxed are my own. I don't think it's a "cop-out" for all relaxed heads and, frankly, that word bothers me. Honestly, why does it even matter? Why does it matter how people decide to wear their hair? It is THEIR'S--they're not responsible for reporting back to anyone with an explanation of why they chose to do whatever it is they do. At the end of the day, I love my hair, I love my NG and I love who I am. I am in no way "hiding" or "copping-out" just because I decide not to be natural right now. Every human being is different and for those who generalize to say that relaxed heads believe that natural hair looks "unkempt" or isn't as sexy as relaxed hair--who's to define what IS or ISN'T sexy? And if they think relaxed hair is sexy or natural hair is sexy, who cares? Honestly. If you're living your life the way you want to, why does it matter how other people live theirs? If you're happy, that's all that matters. And why do we have to pick a "side" of sorts--like if I want to go natural I better decide now because there's no way I can decide at a later date or something, even if it WAS in my 50s??? For heaven sakes, honestly, it's HAIR. Hair doesn't define ME as a person and that's just the way it's going to be. I'm not saying some relaxed ladies don't think that natural hair is "unkempt" because, unfortunately, I'm sure there are people out there who carry those stereotypes. But it goes both ways--there are naturals who think that relaxed heads are just denying themselves or believe that relaxed hair is a "cop-out", as has already been stated. When you say things like that, it's just as bad as saying that natural hair is unkempt because you're only judging others when you don't even know them. I feel strongly about this because I'm tired of feeling like I have to choose a side. In no way do I carry the sentiments that I'm going to relax at a later date because of "letting myself go". Shoot, I'm STILL going to look fly at 40, 50, 60, whatever age I am! Hair is hair. Let's find something more important to define ourselves by. Nobody has to agree with me, but since we're all being honest, I thought I'd throw my opinion out there.

It doesn't matter how people wear their hair, they can set fire to it or pour honey on it and let a bear lick it off to style, that is their choice. However, I see so many ladies saying that they will go natural later in life that I just think there has to be some common denominator for that statement. Am I curious what that is.

I don't think anyone is picking sides here. And it is possible that is might be a cop out for some, though maybe that is a strong word to use.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

You may want to re-read BostonMaria's post....She did not say that you have to BC!!! I think WE all know that BC'ing is not mandatory. erplexed

Then why bold the portion that read "oh god do i really have to cut all my hair off" and say you wanted to thank her twice

Again reading is so fundamental. Dicapr was referring to the up keep of sister locks, which can be costly!!!

I'm well versed on sisterlocks I was extensively researching them on an almost daily basis and convinced I was getting sisterlocks for about a year in the beginning of my transition as well to the point that I would stop anyone I saw with them and talk to them, one lady taught me how to retighten sisterlocks in one afternoon and how she does this on her own every month and never having to go to the salon, natural hair doesn't have to involve regular salon visits.

 

[tocktick]

I am in no way trying to be offensive when I post this, but I am offended myself. I am relaxed, have been so for a couple years, but in no way do I feel like I have to go natural as soon as I'm past my "prime". Do I think about going natural sooner? Of course I do. All the time. However my reasons for why I remain relaxed are my own. I don't think it's a "cop-out" for all relaxed heads and, frankly, that word bothers me. Honestly, why does it even matter? Why does it matter how people decide to wear their hair? It is THEIR'S--they're not responsible for reporting back to anyone with an explanation of why they chose to do whatever it is they do. At the end of the day, I love my hair, I love my NG and I love who I am. I am in no way "hiding" or "copping-out" just because I decide not to be natural right now. Every human being is different and for those who generalize to say that relaxed heads believe that natural hair looks "unkempt" or isn't as sexy as relaxed hair--who's to define what IS or ISN'T sexy? And if they think relaxed hair is sexy or natural hair is sexy, who cares? Honestly. If you're living your life the way you want to, why does it matter how other people live theirs? If you're happy, that's all that matters. And why do we have to pick a "side" of sorts--like if I want to go natural I better decide now because there's no way I can decide at a later date or something, even if it WAS in my 50s??? For heaven sakes, honestly, it's HAIR. Hair doesn't define ME as a person and that's just the way it's going to be. I'm not saying some relaxed ladies don't think that natural hair is "unkempt" because, unfortunately, I'm sure there are people out there who carry those stereotypes. But it goes both ways--there are naturals who think that relaxed heads are just denying themselves or believe that relaxed hair is a "cop-out", as has already been stated. When you say things like that, it's just as bad as saying that natural hair is unkempt because you're only judging others when you don't even know them. I feel strongly about this because I'm tired of feeling like I have to choose a side. In no way do I carry the sentiments that I'm going to relax at a later date because of "letting myself go". Shoot, I'm STILL going to look fly at 40, 50, 60, whatever age I am! Hair is hair. Let's find something more important to define ourselves by. Nobody has to agree with me, but since we're all being honest, I thought I'd throw my opinion out there.

It seems like you're not aware that a few naturals who have posted have said that their statements do not apply to all relaxed heads.

BlackMasterPiece said there were exceptions to the people she described in her original post and I didn't say "all relaxed heads" anywhere in my post either. Also, I see a few people getting mad at that "cop-out" statement. Yet it was just one person who brought it up in the first place and she said it's "sometimes" one at that, not always one. Ultimately, if any of the "offensive" and "generalising" statements do not apply to you then it's not the best of ideas to get upset or annoyed about them.

I'm "older" compared to most women on here, but I definitely have not let myself go and then all of a sudden decided to look a hot mess therefore transition LOL Not sure where you guys got that from.

I don't think any naturals on the board were the ones to suddenly make up this idea. Getting older doesn't necessarily have to mean turning into a hot mess. However, I do feel some people do think at an older age they'll be no need to look as "presentable" as they did at a younger age; they can finally swap heels for slippers and just go natural. Their personal views on natural hair do not allow them to view it as a real option at a younger age. I don't think this idea is all that far-fetched. After all many women simply succumb to getting fatter/out of shape because they feel it's simply "supposed" to be that way past X age. Does it really have to be that way? Nope. But many people do subscribe to this idea. Yet hair is far less serious than one's body.

 

[charmtreese]

Then why bold the portion that read "oh god do i really have to cut all my hair off" and say you wanted to thank her twice

I didn't bold it. BostonMaria had it in bold in the original post. I just quoted it because I agreed with the entire post (which I read fully). I wanted to thank her twice for the ENTIRE post, because I agreed with the ENTIRE post! Obviously you did not re-read it!

 

[dicapr]

Again reading is so fundamental. Dicapr was referring to the up keep of sister locks, which can be costly!!!

Thank you! And what is wrong with getting your natural hair done by a professional? Not everyone is gifted in doing their own hair. It stands to reason that if you are unskilled with relaxed hair you could be unskilled with natural hair. If this is the case you may wait to go natural until you find a natural hair stylist. Sometimes the time is just not right to make a change.

 

[sikora]

I am in no way trying to be offensive when I post this, but I am offended myself. I am relaxed, have been so for a couple years, but in no way do I feel like I have to go natural as soon as I'm past my "prime". Do I think about going natural sooner? Of course I do. All the time. However my reasons for why I remain relaxed are my own. I don't think it's a "cop-out" for all relaxed heads and, frankly, that word bothers me. Honestly, why does it even matter? Why does it matter how people decide to wear their hair? It is THEIR'S--they're not responsible for reporting back to anyone with an explanation of why they chose to do whatever it is they do. At the end of the day, I love my hair, I love my NG and I love who I am. I am in no way "hiding" or "copping-out" just because I decide not to be natural right now. Every human being is different and for those who generalize to say that relaxed heads believe that natural hair looks "unkempt" or isn't as sexy as relaxed hair--who's to define what IS or ISN'T sexy? And if they think relaxed hair is sexy or natural hair is sexy, who cares? Honestly. If you're living your life the way you want to, why does it matter how other people live theirs? If you're happy, that's all that matters. And why do we have to pick a "side" of sorts--like if I want to go natural I better decide now because there's no way I can decide at a later date or something, even if it WAS in my 50s??? For heaven sakes, honestly, it's HAIR. Hair doesn't define ME as a person and that's just the way it's going to be. I'm not saying some relaxed ladies don't think that natural hair is "unkempt" because, unfortunately, I'm sure there are people out there who carry those stereotypes. But it goes both ways--there are naturals who think that relaxed heads are just denying themselves or believe that relaxed hair is a "cop-out", as has already been stated. When you say things like that, it's just as bad as saying that natural hair is unkempt because you're only judging others when you don't even know them. I feel strongly about this because I'm tired of feeling like I have to choose a side. In no way do I carry the sentiments that I'm going to relax at a later date because of "letting myself go". Shoot, I'm STILL going to look fly at 40, 50, 60, whatever age I am! Hair is hair. Let's find something more important to define ourselves by. Nobody has to agree with me, but since we're all being honest, I thought I'd throw my opinion out there.

Cosign....Lately I've noticed that most of the (active) members of the hair side of the board seem to be natural or transitioning to natural and it's never "bothered" me until this thread. As I was reading through I had to do a double take to see which hair board I was on.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

I didn't bold it. BostonMaria had it in bold in the original post. I just quoted it because I agreed with the entire post (which I read fully). I wanted to thank her twice for the ENTIRE post, because I agreed with the ENTIRE post! Obviously you did not re-read it!

okay charmtreese.... fair enough lol

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

Thank you! And what is wrong with getting your natural hair done by a professional? Not everyone is gifted in doing their own hair. It stands to reason that if you are unskilled with relaxed hair you could be unskilled with natural hair. If this is the case you may wait to go natural until you find a natural hair stylist. Sometimes the time is just not right to make a change.

Theres nothing wrong with it, I just took exception to the statement that being natural is inherently expensive. It's only expensive if you make it so.

I don't know why so many people are up in a tizzy suddenly feeling the need to justify themselves all I said was SOME people have coded language when they say certain things about going natural and people are misconstruing it as if I said some kind of blanket statement about all those that relax.

no where in my initial post did i say "all relaxed women are this" if you feel the need to justify your hair choices, then maybe you should look into why that is, cuz aint nobody in here forcing you to lol

 

[charmtreese]

I'm familiar with them I was extensively researching them and convinced I was getting sistelocks for about a year in the beginning of my transition as well to the point that I would stop anyone I saw with them and talk to them, one lady taught me how to retighten sisterlocks in one afternoon and how she does this on her own every month and never having to go to the salon, natural hair doesn't have to involve regular salon visits.

That's great!!! However, she may not want to re-tighten her locs herself. I know how to relax my own hair, however I prefer to have my stylist do it. It's all about personal preference!