I just want to cry and then die...maybe I will have to be a relaxed head forever

[ThursdayGirl]

Ok so i made the decision to try to go natural a few months ago... basically because I am tired of depending on a stylist-that and I like the corkscrew curls that grow out of my scalp (about 4a size). I am however experiencing the dark side of transitioning. Last night it took me 2 and a half hours to detangle my hair and I shedded and broke enough hairs to make a toupee... and I'm not exaggerating.

I don't know what's wrong.... I'm doing all the right stuff.... that I can tell. I'm using good products... trying to be gentle when I detangle starting from the ends of my hair and working my way up. I use a detangling spray (pantene). I am drinking water and I exercise. I deep condition and every week when I wash... my hair shows out, like a bad a** child...<sigh>

This is definitely abnormal for me... I just want to cut all of my hair off... too bad I would feel naked and probably look like an alien if I did (I have a pretty big forehead). So now I want to just cry and die (yeah... i'm being melodramatic... i know... i'm just really disappointed and pissed with my hair. ) :rant over... now goes back to just being sad:

 

[hOnii]

how far are you post relaxer?

i think the best way to transition is to do protective styling, as your hair grows out, and gradually trim off the relaxed ends. hair tends to shed/break pretty badly when you need a relaxer, so if you can keep your hair done, then things should work out better.

 

[tryn2growmyhair]

How about doing the BC? I dont understand why people would want to take years to transition. What is the point of this? For a type 4, like I am, I can only believe that it would lead to a lot of breakage. If your career and lifestyle allow it and your hair can take them, how about wearing braids? I personally would just do the BC and get it over with.

 

[tryn2growmyhair]

Ok so i made the decision to try to go natural a few months ago... basically because I am tired of depending on a stylist-that and I like the corkscrew curls that grow out of my scalp (about 4a size). I am however experiencing the dark side of transitioning. Last night it took me 2 and a half hours to detangle my hair and I shedded and broke enough hairs to make a toupee... and I'm not exaggerating.

I don't know what's wrong.... I'm doing all the right stuff.... that I can tell. I'm using good products... trying to be gentle when I detangle starting from the ends of my hair and working my way up. I use a detangling spray (pantene). I am drinking water and I exercise. I deep condition and every week when I wash... my hair shows out, like a bad a** child...<sigh>

This is definitely abnormal for me... I just want to cut all of my hair off... too bad I would feel naked and probably look like an alien if I did (I have a pretty big forehead). So now I want to just cry and die (yeah... i'm being melodramatic... i know... i'm just really disappointed and pissed with my hair. ) :rant over... now goes back to just being sad:

Also, what combs are you using? Bone combs helped me to dramatically cut back on breakage.

 

[ThursdayGirl]

Thanks for your replies ladies...

@tryn2grow: i use a jilbere shower comb first then I have seamless/bone combs that I use. I don't want to big chop. I know some women do and I admire that they can do it. Some ladies look really cute with a twa... like JetcityGirl, DelightfulFlame, LittleFish (there are others, just those two come to mind immediately) I would probably look like a boy and I definitely don't want that... I know you can accessorize with a headband... but I stalk a lot of online albums and I'm not really diggin that look. Its not the same for everybody... and to those women who do it and are happy ... I give them kudos.. I just don't like it for me. Besides I have a huge forehead. Having longer hair helps draw the eyes away from my forehead.

@hOnii: I am not really styling my hair much. If I do style it... its just a braid out or I slap it in a ponytail and call it a day . Only 4 months past my last touch-up. I could cry.

 

[PhonyBaloney500]

Are you detangling while your hair is soaking wet and covered in conditioner?

Also why don't you try using your fingers instead of a comb--if you have a big tangle don't try to yank/force the comb through it--gently detangle it with your fingers. Combs are overrated sometimes.

 

[so1913]

One of those frustrating hair days, I know exactly how you feel....

You may need to try something a little more detangling and with a little more slip than pantene....Try a creme detangler after your regular deep conditioning, saturate and detangle with that. Paul Mitchell The Detangler is pretty good, I know there are quite a few out there, maybe even one of the childrens brands will work... After you rinse, then use a light detangling leave in, like pantene leave in. Most important thing is to take your time with it...sometimes we try to move to fast and make the process worse or harder than it has to be.

Don't give up just yet!

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

The ladies here have provided you with a great detail of assistance. There's nothing for me to add,but to just take their advice!

 

[Enchantmt]

I know what you mean about the headband. I looked at some of the different gatherings on this and other sites and all of the women looked the same. I can't wait until i have more length. I attempted some twists in the front of my head this weekend and they looked ok but I need more practice.

As far as the tangles, try something like biolage detangling solution. I tried that and it allowed the comb to slice thru my hair like butta. If you arent getting good slip with it or your other conditioners you may need to clarify w/ an ACV rinse.

 

[hopeful]

ThursdayGirl,
First of all you say you are "only" 4 months post relaxer, girl 4 months is a long time. So I have to say congratulations for lasting this long. The hardest part about transitioning is that what works one week may not work the next. The two textures you are dealing with are not compatible and that is what you are dealing with. I am transitioning my youngest daughter back to natural and she is also 4 months post relaxer (last relaxer just before Thanksgiving). I discovered that I could not detangle her hair when soaking wet. The breakage was terrible no matter how wet or how much conditioner. So I learned to let it air dry a bit then I let the blow dryer (on the lowest setting) dry her relaxed hair, then with the comb attachment I slightly blew out her roots. This way I had way less breakage than when combing wet. (A little heat can go a long way) Just for Me detangler also works great on her tangles. Don't forget to work in very small sections at a time. And finally every day I moisturize her new growth with Elasta QP Recovery Oil Moisturizer or Kids Organics Shea Butter Dentangling Moisturizing lotion.

People think BC'ing is hard and it is but I personally think transitioning can be more stressful. Patience and being willing to constantly change your routine is key. Type 4 hair is beautiful when fully natural or fully relaxed but for transitioning it is well, kinda a b****. But don't give up though, you will be happy in the end.

 

[nurseN98]

I had the same prob as hopeful's daughter, my hair would break terribly if I tried to detangle in the shower with conditioner in my hair. It took me a long time to figure out that I need to get a moisturizing leave-in in my hair, let it airdry for about 15 min, just so it isn't soaking wet anymore, then I can detangle. I lose so much less hair this way. The other thing that started helping a lot is doing more protein treatments. I only had to use milder proteins like Aubrey GPB. I used it every week to deep condition for about 1/2 hour with heat, then turn the heat off and slap a moisturizing treatment like cholesterol on top of it, cover up and let that sit for 1/2 hour. That helped me a lot.

Like someone else suggested, you could also get braids that way you don't have to deal with it on a day to day basis.

 

[jainygirl]

Dont ever feel like you cant do it because you can. FYI, I've had a big head since i was a little kiddie, but when i B.C'ed the first thing everyone told me was ," You have a cute shape head" -- go figure. I think we see ourselves differently than other people do anyway. If you wanna extend your transition, i agree that getting into some kind of protective styling is the way to go. Or if you wanna do your B.C., now is a great time to do that as well . If you want you can take a peek in my album to see how my own B.C. looked i have more pics in there -- actually that's me in my Avatar--- "Hey!!!! " Anyway good luck and congrats on going natural -- jainygirl

 

[GodMadeMePretty]

I would suggest detangling prior to shampooing. I've been transitioning since July 2003 which is a long time but I haven't had much breakage. I attribute that to detangling before getting my hair soaking wet. I just used a cheap conditioner and water mixture that I spray section by section to my "need to be washed" hair. It's damp and not soaking wet and I separate it with my fingers first. Each section would then be detangled prior to my putting it into a big plait. By the time I'm done, I have 4 plaits that I then get in the shower with. Every time I've tried to detangle in the shower prior to detangling beforehand, there was much more hair.

 

[Satrina]

When I transitioned 4 years ago, I got braids so I wouldn't have to struggle daily with the 2 textures. I cut off the relaxer after I had about 4 inches. I too felt that my head was too big for a TWA.

So I say get some kinky twists or some medium sized braids. It'll make the transition a lot easier. But whatever you do, don't get micros.

 

[brickhouse]

I am not going natural but I am 12wks post touch up. I know it can be difficult dealing with 2 textures. What helps me is washing more frequently and do co washes which softens my new growth. I just started rollersetting and airdrying. I am trying to stretch for 16 wks which will be my longest.

 

[Ayeshia]

I wish I could offer valuable advice to you as well. I have no Idea what its like to transition. Do you think you can go another 4 months?...by then you should have a good 5 inches of new growth and your hair won't be a twa by then. A lot of people seem to forget that the twa phase lasts no longer than 3 months and after that you have a full fleged fro.

 

[Healthb4Length]

First of all ...it's gonna be okay...When I was a natural 4 years ago I didn't know what to do...what a difference TIME has made because now I know exactly what to do...it take time a patience but you'll get it...I am 6+ months post texturizer and I'm doing okay, I just follow the directions all they ladies have posted and everything always turns out okay...One thing I did not notice mentioned was if you separate your hair and wash it in sections it works for my MEGA thick type 4a hair all the time...separate your hair in four sections put on gobs of conditioner (my favorate is Silk Elements mega cholesterol) use my jilbere shower comb and go (ALWAYS WORK FROM YOUR ENDS UP!) This works miracles for my thick hair! I also noticed that after you deep condition you don't mention anything about applying a light moisturizing conditioner (the type the you leave on for 3-5 minutes without heat in the shower) this really helps with those naughty knots . Another alternative for you may also be co-washes (again in sections) they really help alot...what I do is a modified co-wash where I put loads of conditioner on my ends and I wash my SCALP only with a moisturizing poo...it really makes a difference...please don't be discouraged it takes TIME and PATIENCE handling our beautiful type of hair but once you get it you'll Love it! I hope this made you feel better



check out my Mega thick hair www.fotki.com/nubian7
password: hair

 

[caligirl]

If it weren't for Kenra Moisturizing Conditioner, I would have thrown in the towel at 6 months. Use this as a deep conditioner and a leave in. Words can not express how much I love this conditioner.

 

[lsubabiedee]

awww...its ok...i dont know what advice i can give but just know that ur forehead is probably no bigger than mine and i didnt look like an alien when i BC'ed...well, unless ppl lied to me

 

[Divastate]

I agree with the what most have already said- you may need a more intense conditioner to help detagle. You might also need to either switch up shampoos or try to nopoo for awhile I found that most shampoos were so stripping to my hair it made the relaxed and natural hair fight when I was transitioning. Braids are the main way I transitioned for as long as I did. Good luck it will get better it just takes patience and trying new products sometimes.

 

[honeycomb719]

When I transitioned 4 years ago, I got braids so I wouldn't have to struggle daily with the 2 textures. I cut off the relaxer after I had about 4 inches. I too felt that my head was too big for a TWA.

So I say get some kinky twists or some medium sized braids. It'll make the transition a lot easier. But whatever you do, don't get micros.

I Agree 1000%
I feel where your coming from. i made a post JUST like this not that many mos ago, and I had to cut a big chuck out the center of my head . I felt like you wanted to die, and cry, and a whole lotta other stuff, but I made it this far.
I still want to gain another 2 inches or so b4 I chop, But I agree not everyone will look as flattering w/ a twa. cause, I know I would look hideous, LOL.
I must get my acne under control and clear my face up b4 I can consider that, LOL.
These ladies have made some EXCELLENT suggestion, I'll just add also, to hang-in-there, you will be ok in another month or 2.

 

[hopeful]

Bumping for Thursday Girl

 

[ThursdayGirl]

Thanks for all of the advice and support. I do feel better now... still have thinned hair and I'm still finding tangles but I will take your advice and try to hang in there.

I did find that my hair is quite strong when its dry and that I lose much less hair when I detangled it dry.

I think I will try a new conditioner-maybe a cholesterol based one-and try detangling in sections. It had not occurred to me to use a light conditioner after deep conditioning so I may try that as well.

I may also try letting my hair dry a little before I detangle and I'm definitely going to look for a cream detangler.

Maybe I will also increase my number of no poos.

Thank you all for your time and responses! sending each and every one of you a
Thursdaygirl

 

[Netta1]

I know this may sound crazy, the sooner you cut the relaxer out the better off you'll feel.

 

[ThursdayGirl]

Doesn't sound crazy at all. I am pretty sure you're right. I can't wait until I get more natural length.

 

[BAP28]

Girl, I am going through it as well but the other day I had to just take a deep breath and spend like 2 hours detangling...

but after i sat there and let my mother take her time and comb through my 6 months of texturized new growth and permed ends- i am finally seeing the day of light with my transition/ upkeep of healthy hair- i dont know if i am transitioning- extending or what-lol but i feel your pain... my 4a hair is no joke- and sometimes hair just makes you want to ball your eyes out- trust i have been there-

but the advice that everyone gave was really on point- gurl just hang in there- the end result will be worth it

 

[dontspeakdefeat]

I really enjoyed reading this thread.

Thursdaygirl, kudos to you for making it this long!!

To all the ladies that offered such excellent advice, I am sending out mucho hugs and kisses!!

Since my hair is getting longer I have been suffering with tangles after tangles. The advice here will help me get through it all!

 

[pookeylou]

Wow! 4 months is a long time.

I transitioned for 7. I know it went well because...

I conditioner washed my hair with slippery, slippery conditioner. (Pantene was the best for me.)

I used shea butter to twist my hair.

I could wear the twist out for days...therefore no need to "do" my hair every day. Once I could get into a puff...HEAVEN!!!!

I used a comb with WIDE teeth. The comb glided through like BUTTER!

 

[pookeylou]

Wow! 4 months is a long time.

I transitioned for 7. I know it went well because...

I conditioner washed my hair with slippery, slippery conditioner. (Pantene was the best for me.)

I used shea butter to twist my hair.

I could wear the twist out for days...therefore no need to "do" my hair every day. Once I could get into a puff...HEAVEN!!!!

I used a comb with WIDE teeth. The comb glided through like BUTTER!

You have really come a long way...hang in there if you really want more length before you cut. Do what you can to find a style that does no break off your new groth but does not leave you frustrated with your permed ends.

If you need a good book with great transitioning styles...I suggest Tkeyah Kemah's NATURAL HAIR/NATURAL WOMAN. Great pics on how to do the styles too.