I'm back!!! Pics!! And please help me go from natural to relaxed

[LilBrownied]

Hello LHCF! I've been gone for so long, but I'm posting again. I started a journey using wigs last September and I wore a wig everyday up until this May. My hair has grown so much and I think it is so healthy, however I'm really doubting if I can continue being natural right now. I realized that I have the rest of my life to grow waistlength natural hair if I want to, but with my c-napp, 4c (I've just discovered 4c, I hope I'm correct using it) hair I find it very difficult to keep a cute style for long.

I LOVE and prefer big braid-out fros, but when they mess up, they mess up bad! I don't prefer the protective styles that are good for my hair type, like twists and braids. I also realize now that I don't see many free-form naturals of my type because the hair almost begs to loc up! I like washing often and I miss being able to easily reach my scalp.

Things were much easier when my hair was short enough for a twa, but I felt so insecure. Now that I have length, health and knowledge through the forum I think I'm ready to have a good run with a relaxer.

I'm trying to get over feeling like a traitor to naturals :: I sooo want to see more naturals on the street but I understand now why it's so hard. I've dealt with low self-esteem for a while and it doesn't help to have everyone asking that hated question, "what are you gunna do with your hair??" erplexed

I am happy that a new natural salon has sprung up in my neighborhood after returning from college. I so hope they get a lot of business, and I think they will.

I've attached a few pics to show how well low-maintenance and wigs have worked for me. The rest are in my Fotki under July 2009 (password is hair to get in). I also had a pic of a nice donut bun I was able to do.

________________________

Now, after that long post, I have a question. What's my best option for a brand of relaxer that won't be too harsh on my hair and won't get it bone straight? My cousin tells me Elucence has one of the gentlest relaxers with a really low pH. Have any suggestions?

Thanks for reading!!!

 

[LovingMe87]

Your hair is very pretty! But you shouldn't feel like a traitor, its your hair and you can do whatever you want with it! As far as a relaxer I love ORS Lye! It makes my hair soft and never bone straight! Good luck!!

 

[laurend]

Welcome back. Why don't you try BKT first before you relax because it might loosen up your curl a bit.

 

[LilBrownied]

Welcome back. Why don't you try BKT first before you relax because it might loosen up your curl a bit.

I may just do that, I'm going to take my time thinking and trying things out before actually relaxing. Thanks!

 

[LilBrownied]

Your hair is very pretty! But you shouldn't feel like a traitor, its your hair and you can do whatever you want with it! As far as a relaxer I love ORS Lye! It makes my hair soft and never bone straight! Good luck!!

Thank you!!

 

[tocktick]

Your hair looks cute in the pics.

Imo, when someone relaxes their hair on impulse out of frustration they tend to be very disappointed in themselves. They realise relaxed hair is not for them because being relaxed comes with its own set of issues.

I've thought about relaxing many times through my journey. I've had issues with styling, matting etc also. People have also asked me the "dreaded question". However, I think about whether I'd want to reach my hair goals as a relaxed head and realise I do not. I also think about why I stopped relaxing. It helps to remind yourself that your hair is not always going to do things someone else's can even if you're the same hair type. As for everyone who wants to put in their 2 cents...until they contribute to my hair upkeep, they can GTFO.

On the other hand, if you really feel being relaxed would make your life easier don't feel that you have to be "loyal" to the "natural cause". You do not. Other naturals are not going to come to your house, detangle, style, wash or care for your hair. Please believe, you're not a "traitor" to naturals. Ultimately, you deal with your frustrations alone and must make a decision that benefits you the most. People who really think about relaxing and do so knowing all the pros and cons seem less likely to regret their actions.

Imo, the grass always seems a lot greener when you're frustrated with your current situation. Sit back with a clear head - stalk fotkis, look at youtubes and read regimen of both natural and relaxed heads. Find out what frustrations relaxed heads go through with their own hair and think about whether you're willing to deal with it. Then weigh up the pros and cons of each situation and make your decision.

 

[LilBrownied]

Your hair looks cute in the pics.

Imo, when someone relaxes their hair on impulse out of frustration they tend to be very disappointed in themselves. They realise relaxed hair is not for them because being relaxed comes with its own set of issues.

I've thought about relaxing many times through my journey. I've had issues with styling, matting etc also. People have also asked me the "dreaded question". However, I think about whether I'd want to reach my hair goals as a relaxed head and realise I do not. I also think about why I stopped relaxing. It helps to remind yourself that your hair is not always going to do things someone else's can even if you're the same hair type. As for everyone who wants to put in their 2 cents...until they contribute to my hair upkeep, they can GTFO.

On the other hand, if you really feel being relaxed would make your life easier don't feel that you have to be "loyal" to the "natural cause". You do not. Other naturals are not going to come to your house, detangle, style, wash or care for your hair. Please believe, you're not a "traitor" to naturals. Ultimately, you deal with your frustrations alone and must make a decision that benefits you the most. People who really think about relaxing and do so knowing all the pros and cons seem less likely to regret their actions.

Imo, the grass always seems a lot greener when you're frustrated with your current situation. Sit back with a clear head - stalk fotkis, look at youtubes and read regimen of both natural and relaxed heads. Find out what frustrations relaxed heads go through with their own hair and think about whether you're willing to deal with it. Then weigh up the pros and cons of each situation and make your decision.

Thank you Tocktick, I really appreciate your words. Very true.

 

[newslady]

LilBrownied -
Sorry you're so frustrated.
Just know that sistas like you are an inspiration to me.
I haven't had a relaxer since May, right before my wedding.
And now that I'm pregnant, I really DON'T want to relax again.
Enjoy the bumps in the road.
Post what you learn.
You'll encourage "future natural heads" like me!

 

[NappyMD]

Hello there;

as a natural for 10+ years, I can say that it is not naturals you have to worry about betraying. You have to make sure you are true to you, however. If relaxing your hair will make you feel like a traitor to your race or a failure, you shouldn't do it until/unless you stop feeling this way. Cause it is permanent

I recommend you get your hair professionally pressed if you haven't already. Maybe a month ago I too was frustrated, and posted about considering a texlax. Fortunately the ladies on this forum recognized frustration rather than true desire and helped me out. Plus, I flat ironed my hair and was like after the second day. I discovered that for me, I enjoy the length of straight hair sometimes, but most of the time I can't wait to wash it out a day or two later.

I should point out that I was natural in braids for about 3 years in high school and decided to relax. But I later regretted it and went natural again. Not that you will but I don't want you to end up in that position. So think carefully, and the forum will support your healthy hair journey either way

 

[Geminigirl]

I think there are already some good suggestions in this thread. I just stopped by to say I love your hair. It's so thick!

ETA- Also mayeb you just needs to find some products that work for your hair type. Once that hair starts to feel like butter in your hands(I'm still waiting for this to happen) and you see all the coils and kinks or lack there of you will fall back in love. The thing I love most about my natural hair is how it shrinks up and I pull it out and it stretches to it's length. I also love the coils and waves. It's your descion nonetheless and your not a traitor.

 

[taz007]

LilBrownied,

I feel your pain!

First, you have beautiful hair! I have 4CCZZ hair as well. I was natural for 10 years (3 years natural, relaxed for 3 months and hair promptly fell out, then natural again for 7 years).

I relaxed again (AFTER MUCH RESEARCH) in 2008 and I couldn't be happier because I now know how to take care of relaxed hair.

Although I loved my natural hair, the time spent on it was too great, it was taking time away from my family and the matting was out of control!

The first time that I relaxed, I was so afraid! It took 5 months of going back and forth before I made the decision to relax.

If I ever decide to go back to being natural, I will know how to take care of it thanks to LHCF.

Do what YOU feel is best for YOU! I know that relaxing was the best FOR ME at this point in my life.

HTH.

 

[taz007]

Your hair looks cute in the pics.

Imo, when someone relaxes their hair on impulse out of frustration they tend to be very disappointed in themselves. They realise relaxed hair is not for them because being relaxed comes with its own set of issues.

I've thought about relaxing many times through my journey. I've had issues with styling, matting etc also. People have also asked me the "dreaded question". However, I think about whether I'd want to reach my hair goals as a relaxed head and realise I do not. I also think about why I stopped relaxing. It helps to remind yourself that your hair is not always going to do things someone else's can even if you're the same hair type. As for everyone who wants to put in their 2 cents...until they contribute to my hair upkeep, they can GTFO.

On the other hand, if you really feel being relaxed would make your life easier don't feel that you have to be "loyal" to the "natural cause". You do not. Other naturals are not going to come to your house, detangle, style, wash or care for your hair. Please believe, you're not a "traitor" to naturals. Ultimately, you deal with your frustrations alone and must make a decision that benefits you the most. People who really think about relaxing and do so knowing all the pros and cons seem less likely to regret their actions.

Imo, the grass always seems a lot greener when you're frustrated with your current situation. Sit back with a clear head - stalk fotkis, look at youtubes and read regimen of both natural and relaxed heads. Find out what frustrations relaxed heads go through with their own hair and think about whether you're willing to deal with it. Then weigh up the pros and cons of each situation and make your decision.

In total agreement!

 

[SelahOco]

No matter what you decide...your hair's gonna be pretty. I don't want you to relax (you d@mn traitor)

But I can't lie...your relaxed hair would be thick and lush...

 

[Jewell]

LilBrownied,

I feel your pain!

First, you have beautiful hair! I have 4CCZZ hair as well. I was natural for 10 years (3 years natural, relaxed for 3 months and hair promptly fell out, then natural again for 7 years).

I relaxed again (AFTER MUCH RESEARCH) in 2008 and I couldn't be happier because I now know how to take care of relaxed hair.

Although I loved my natural hair, the time spent on it was too great, it was taking time away from my family and the matting was out of control!

The first time that I relaxed, I was so afraid! It took 5 months of going back and forth before I made the decision to relax.

If I ever decide to go back to being natural, I will know how to take care of it thanks to LHCF.

Do what YOU feel is best for YOU! I know that relaxing was the best FOR ME at this point in my life.

HTH.

Lil Brownied, just wanted to say, your hair is beautiful. I went natural myself, and though I knew how to handle my hair, it was the shrinkage and lack of extra time to spend on my hair (with a 1 month old at the time I BC'd) that led me to relax about 4-5 months later. I thought about transitioning again, but then promptly remembered the issues I had in the first place. So, for me I agree with the bolded above, that texlaxed hair was better for me, because I still retain some texture, but have a bit more manageability. I had been relaxed bone straight since I was 7 years old. My relaxed hair grew to be MBL before I cut it to a fauxhawk.

I say all this to say that your desire to relax may be more out of frustration than true yearning. Just because there aren't many naturals in your area (that you see) doesn't make you an oddball for rocking your kinks and coils loud and proud. I got a lot of drama and crap from my fam about going natural, and asking me, 'what I'ma do with my hair.' But, I ignored them and told them not to worry about it cuz they ain't contributing to my hair's health or maintenance. Anyway, if you're getting tired of the styling cons then try a press like another poster said, or since you don't like braids/twists, find a cute wig you can rock to get you over the hump. HTH.

 

[Platinum]

Welcome Back, Sis! I was wondering how you were doing. I think your hair is beautiful! I'm transitioning so I can't wait to see my hair at your length. I think you and I are hair twins. I agree with Tocktick's post. Think about it and try a few alternatives (pressing, BKT, etc) if that doesn't work for you, then I say relax. Don't worry about what other naturals approve of, at the end of the day YOU ARE THE ONE THAT HAS TO LIVE WITH YOUR HAIR.

Good luck!

 

[DecemberBaby]

I love your natural hair! I agree with the other ladies...give it some time and think about it some more.

 

[LilBrownied]

Thank you all so much for the love!! Keep the advice coming! lol I'm so glad to be back.

 

[Renewed1]

I piggy back on trying the BKT treatment first. It's suppose to last for about 3 months.

 

[Desarae]

Your natural hair is very beautiful. As a 4C natural that went back to relaxing myself (after only 9 months natural) I understand your frustration when it comes to detangling and styling time. Our type of hair requires a lot of care and patience in it's natural state. You just need to ask yourself why you went natural in the first place. In my case, it was so I could wash n go, and so I could start over with a healthy head of hair. Once my hair started to grow out, I realized that my hair type required protective styling 80% of the time for maximum length retention, and I was just not willing to do that. I was also spending 3 hours+ per style that came out as just "okay" It seemed like I was always doing my hair, or worrying about it, or fussing with it.

I researched and then made my decision and i'm still happy with it. I admit, I don't get 1/10 of the traffic to my fotki that I did as a natural head, and I felt like I was no longer in the unspoken society, but in the end, it's my hair, and it's just hair, and I can't spend my time trying to please everyone else. Even my SO did not want me to relax, but I still had to do what I thought was best for me.

Relaxed hair comes with it's own set of joys and frustrations, just different. I do admit, I wish I would have hung in there longer, then I probably would have done the BKT or something, I don't know. Straight can be pretty boring at times until it gets long. I stood out from the crowd more when I was a natural, which I loved. My napps had so much more ''flava". But in the end, i'm still me and my hair does not make me.
One is not easier than the other. You just have to make an informed decision and choose what's best for you. And if you end up regretting it, just know that natural hair grows out of your scalp every day.

 

[I *Am* Not* My* Hair]

Gurllllll, give me that head of hair!!! So pretty!!! I agree with the comment to get a professional press first, before u make the "permanent" decision to relax.

 

[my1goodnerve]

I like laurend's BKT suggestion. Think of it as a transition to relaxed hair. It would give you more styling options and a chance to see if a loosened curl is really what you're looking for. You've been out of wigs for 2 months working with your natural hair and the BKT would last about the same amount of time (from what I've read) so you'd have a chance to make a really informed decision before you make a permanent change.

 

[caribeandiva]

Why don't you try the keratin treatments first? You might prefer them to relaxing.

 

[locabouthair]

Dont feel like a traitor. If you want to relax, then thats your decision. You shouldnt feel bad about it. But I agree with what everyone else said. Try a press first and see if you still want to relax.

Your hair and skin are beautiful!

 

[brucebettye]

Don't do anything to your hair until you are sure about relaxing it. Take some time to think about. Wear a wig, phony pony tail, or where your hair in a bun until you make up your mind. It took me about 6 months before I deceided to texlax my hair and I do not regret the decision I made.

 

[Netta1]

Your hair is beautiful!!!!! We all get tired of our hair from time-to-time relaxed and naturals alike.

Before you do anything make sure its what YOU want to do...

peace and blessings!

 

[*Muffin*]

Hi! Welcome back. Just wanted to say that I like your hair as it is. You have very beautiful, natural hair. I know that in the end it's your decision and you should do whatever makes you happy, but just don't relax because you think that's going to solve problems because trust me, it doesn't always . Even though I'm a relaxed head I still have to deal with my NG trying to "loc up" or become matted. Also I have to deal with the two different textures when I'm stretching. And when relaxer time comes, I have to worry about who I'm going to get to help me apply the relaxer and pretty much putting vigorous activities on hiatus 4 days to a week prior to relaxing. Not only that but I also have to worry more about the protein/moisture balance of my hair than more than naturals have to. And I believe my hair is more prone to breakage than most naturals are. But, even though I have these problems, I'm content with my hair because I try to work with it and give it what it needs, and both relaxed and natural hair need the same basic things (proper moisturization, low manipulation, etc...). I think people will always have the "grass is always greener on the other side" syndrome. I've heard of people who've had natural hair and relaxed, thinking it would make things either, only to find out they like their natural hair better, and vice versa. I often times think a lot of my problems being a relaxed head would dissolve if I went natural, but I know that's not true. I'd simply be trading one set of issues for another. Long story short, we're all going to have hair issues whether we are relaxed or natural. It's just a matter of finding out which issues you'd rather deal with, what choice works better for you, and ultimately what decision would make you happiest. Other than that, welcome back and happy growing .

 

[Traycee]

Welcome back...You have do what you feel comfortable with..

One suggestion though if you really want to stay natural...Why don't you just flat iron weekly....

 

[MonPetite]

Your hair looks cute in the pics.

Imo, when someone relaxes their hair on impulse out of frustration they tend to be very disappointed in themselves. They realise relaxed hair is not for them because being relaxed comes with its own set of issues.

I've thought about relaxing many times through my journey. I've had issues with styling, matting etc also. People have also asked me the "dreaded question". However, I think about whether I'd want to reach my hair goals as a relaxed head and realise I do not. I also think about why I stopped relaxing. It helps to remind yourself that your hair is not always going to do things someone else's can even if you're the same hair type. As for everyone who wants to put in their 2 cents...until they contribute to my hair upkeep, they can GTFO.

On the other hand, if you really feel being relaxed would make your life easier don't feel that you have to be "loyal" to the "natural cause". You do not. Other naturals are not going to come to your house, detangle, style, wash or care for your hair. Please believe, you're not a "traitor" to naturals. Ultimately, you deal with your frustrations alone and must make a decision that benefits you the most. People who really think about relaxing and do so knowing all the pros and cons seem less likely to regret their actions.

Imo, the grass always seems a lot greener when you're frustrated with your current situation. Sit back with a clear head - stalk fotkis, look at youtubes and read regimen of both natural and relaxed heads. Find out what frustrations relaxed heads go through with their own hair and think about whether you're willing to deal with it. Then weigh up the pros and cons of each situation and make your decision.

Have to co-sign.

 

[brownbean96]

Hi, this is a good post. I'm having the same dilema but am looking for solutions before relaxing. You guys have great suggestions. I'm a newbie and am not familiar with some of the terminology. Can someone tell me what a BKT is (or is BTK)?

 

[JenBenCal]

I have to jump on and agree with *Muffin*'s comment! Being relaxed also, I can attest to those same difficulties. Yes, you will lose some of the difficulties that you faced with natural hair, but you'll recieve a set of different ones with relaxed hair. I believe with proper research you'll be able to make a good and informed decision. Examine the pros and cons of each and make the decision that it best for you. What others think shouldn't matter because, as someone stated earlier, you'll be the one taking care of yourself and loving yourself. Whatever you decide, know that you're NOT ALONE! There are women with all kinds of hair types and the one thing we all have in common is that we have to take care of it to keep it healthy in whatever state it's in. And don't feel like a traitor to "natural" styles for wanting to change your style up! The traitor you'd be is to yourself by not following what it is you really want to do, and that's hard to live with, much harder than taking care of hair. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that you chose a path based on your own real desires .