im fed up. feel like shaving or relaxing

[coolsista-paris]

i last relaxed in dec 2007...bc oct 2008. ok at first made mistakes of leaving my hair out so much even in winter . i manipulated à lot..... i only found out i had fine hair this yeah (never asked myself the question before coming on lhcf )thanks to you all!

but after washing yesterday and loosing hair..detangling as usual i was mad ! i im so mad cause im apl after 4years post last relaxer . i love big hair bit as im fine headed i should not manipulate too much. i think ill never get to my goals of mbl or wl.....huh ? fine natural 4b.

im now doing things right but its like im going nowhere . or then sometimes things go right then setback cause of knots or falling hair .....making efforts being gentle and feeling stuck just sucks !

i feel like shaving everything off or relaxing for easy care .hubby s saying dont and im fed up.

feel like crying and shouting .

 

[Urban]

Awww, girl I think we all go through days like this with our hair. I think the first thing to do is to get your hair into a protective style for a few weeks at least.

Then, try to figure out why you're losing hair. Hair wouldn't just fall out like that for no reason. The fallen hair, is it broken hair or shed hair? Is the hair only falling out during detangling sesions?

 

[brittle_hair]

Well congrats on making it to APL, at least your in the long hair category - It sounds like you need to adjust your regimen to stop the breakage, I'll be honest I haven't worked out how to stop this yet - currently in braids and spraying my hair with aphogee keratin spray in between moisturizing, to see if that helps.

What's your regimen?

 

[Jetblackhair]

Aww Coolsista, I totally understand your frustration having fine hair. My hair is fine and is easy to tangle. Do you wash your hair loose or in braids/twists? I wash in braids/twists and it has helped me to keep my hair from tangling so much.

Fine hair is very fragile when wet, so I don't do to much manipulation when wet. I can't detangle with a comb & conditioner in my hair, I would be bald! I finger detangle before washing, putting my hair in braids. I run my wide tooth comb through my hair after my wash/conditioning session. My hair is usually a little past damp once I run the comb through each section (it dries quickly).

I lose less hair when combing through hair that is a little past damp versus dripping wet hair. I apply my leave-ins after I have run the comb through my hair. Running the comb through my hair after applying my leave-ins causes me to lose way more hair, because my hair is too wet.

I've been using Aloe Vera Juice on my scalp which has been strengthening my hair at the root. I wear half wigs for my protective style. I know my hair is not where it should be in length as well.

Just remember APL is one of the hardest lengths to achieve, so congratulations on making it there. It took me a long time to get there as well. I think now since you know you have fine hair the journey to the next stage may not be as frustrating. I found out I had fine hair just as you did through the forum!

~HTH~

 

[MzSwift]

((Big Hug))
Keep it braided and under those wigs. Don't even think about it except to moisturize, wash and DC. Take down the braids underneath, de-shed and rebraid one-by-one. Focus on something else for the summer (work, family, a new hobby) and then revisit your hair in September to see how you feel.

I go through this often. Especially when people are posting progress pix or videos who've started after I did and have much more hair than I do. I just put my hair away and deal with it later.

Also, looking at old pix helps because I can see progress -- even if it isn't as much as someone else.

Hang in there girl!

 

[coolsista-paris]

Awww, girl I think we all go through days like this with our hair. I think the first thing to do is to get your hair into a protective style for a few weeks at least.

Then, try to figure out why you're losing hair. Hair wouldn't just fall out like that for no reason. The fallen hair, is it broken hair or shed hair? Is the hair only falling out during detangling sesions?

thanks. i saw shed hairs . and then broken hair throughout detangling...
i think ill straighten tonight . protective styles such as twists dont.work for me. ive been wigging since january . i seem to not be able to get the perfect balance i had in december or january. deep protein...no broken hair at all...detangling easy...and hair soft and strong ....ive been trying the same things since february i cant get that balance back.

 

[coolsista-paris]

Well congrats on making it to APL, at least your in the long hair category - It sounds like you need to adjust your regimen to stop the breakage, I'll be honest I haven't worked out how to stop this yet - currently in braids and spraying my hair with aphogee keratin spray in between moisturizing, to see if that helps.

What's your regimen?

yeah it took long but i finally reached apl at last .wow what à fight .

usually i protein 1 month or 6 weeks . i conrow under wig. moisturise hair especially ends. very low manipulation.
ive been cowashing this month. i only shampoo once à month with dc too... i.massage my scalp mostly.everyday . only drink.water and juice .i eat healthily.

so....this is annoying . im loosing patience

 

[coolsista-paris]

Aww Coolsista, I totally understand your frustration having fine hair. My hair is fine and is easy to tangle. Do you wash your hair loose or in braids/twists? I wash in braids/twists and it has helped me to keep my hair from tangling so much.

Fine hair is very fragile when wet, so I don't do to much manipulation when wet. I can't detangle with a comb & conditioner in my hair, I would be bald! I finger detangle before washing, putting my hair in braids. I run my wide tooth comb through my hair after my wash/conditioning session. My hair is usually a little past damp once I run the comb through each section (it dries quickly).

I lose less hair when combing through hair that is a little past damp versus dripping wet hair. I apply my leave-ins after I have run the comb through my hair. Running the comb through my hair after applying my leave-ins causes me to lose way more hair, because my hair is too wet.

I've been using Aloe Vera Juice on my scalp which has been strengthening my hair at the root. I wear half wigs for my protective style. I know my hair is not where it should be in length as well.

Just remember APL is one of the hardest lengths to achieve, so congratulations on making it there. It took me a long time to get there as well. I think now since you know you have fine hair the journey to the next stage may not be as frustrating. I found out I had fine hair just as you did through the forum!

~HTH~

thanks for the advice. i better get back to washing in braids . i did it lose yesterday ......stupid lazy me...

ill try your method of detangling after shampoo ... and finger detangling before shampoo with olive oil prepoo.

i.forgot about aloe vera and.thought it does nothing.much . i need to get motivated .

 

[coolsista-paris]

((Big Hug))
Keep it braided and under those wigs. Don't even think about it except to moisturize, wash and DC. Take down the braids underneath, de-shed and rebraid one-by-one. Focus on something else for the summer (work, family, a new hobby) and then revisit your hair in September to see how you feel.

I go through this often. Especially when people are posting progress pix or videos who've started after I did and have much more hair than I do. I just put my hair away and deal with it later.

Also, looking at old pix helps because I can see progress -- even if it isn't as much as someone else.

Hang in there girl!

thank you.

i really got so angry. and yeah some started before.me.and are already mbl....what? ok im happy for them but angry at my hair!
ill.stick to wigs again but in summer its hard .that the only time of the year possible to wear hair out.oh well ....

 

[Evolving78]

i'm not going to come in here and tell you not to relax! i relaxed once i hit APL as a natural, but i needed to trim off a lot due to detangling, unraveling locs, setback etc... i am really liking my hair relaxed at this length and look forward to reaching more milestones. if you are ready to go back to relaxers, there is plenty of support here on this board.

Do It!

 

[temfash]

Hang in there OP......I know how you feel, fine hair is so finicky it goes from one extreme to the other.erplexed

 

[longhairdreaming]

Take heart @coosista...you've made progress. This journey is a long one with ups and downs..keep at it and you and your hair will back in synch. Soon hopefully

 

[coolsista-paris]

i'm not going to come in here and tell you not to relax! i relaxed once i hit APL as a natural, but i needed to trim off a lot due to detangling, unraveling locs, setback etc... i am really liking my hair relaxed at this length and look forward to reaching more milestones. if you are ready to go back to relaxers, there is plenty of support here on this board.

Do It!

hey shortdub. hope your fine.as you can see im going through à bad moment here... ive always thought that maybe or maybe not..once i reach my goal i might relax ...i am not the example on what we call patience on detangling big hair....so i thought if it get long one day i might just relax. the thing is that i dont want to lose the thickness .i mean relaxing makes it too straight. o want some volume so that when i do à twists out it looks big. ill miss that. so im lost...i still have time to think about it cause this slow growing or should i say breaking hair takes ages to get to the next lenghts ...

ill try straightening tonight...

 

[coolsista-paris]

Hang in there OP......I know how you feel, fine hair is so finicky it goes from one extreme to the other.erplexed

you can say that for sûre.. once its great like yeah i got the right method...à do the same thing method another type then there i go insulting my hair.

 

[coolsista-paris]

Take heart @coosista...you've made progress. This journey is a long one with ups and downs..keep at it and you and your hair will back in synch. Soon hopefully

sweet. let me cross fingers,toes ,hair,everything to cross lol. this is gonna be long !!!!

 

[silenttullip]

put in some braids or twists until you calm down. Do not make any decision while mad

 

[havilland]

hang in there. some days can be frustrating.

i felt like my hair wasn't growing for years. 5 to be exact. then all of a sudden i was bsl. it took me 3 years to get to apl. then i just stagnated there for another 2 years.

all i can say is, try to enjoy your hair for where it is now. treat it with care and enjoy the ride. try not to focus on length goals too much.

when i hit a wall with length goals, i start hiding my hair. that way i don't have to look at her. LOL

 

[jessicarabbit]

hey shortdub. hope your fine.as you can see im going through à bad moment here... ive always thought that maybe or maybe not..once i reach my goal i might relax ...i am not the example on what we call patience on detangling big hair....so i thought if it get long one day i might just relax. the thing is that i dont want to lose the thickness .i mean relaxing makes it too straight. o want some volume so that when i do à twists out it looks big. ill miss that. so im lost...i still have time to think about it cause this slow growing or should i say breaking hair takes ages to get to the next lenghts ...

ill try straightening tonight...

@coolsista-paris have u considered texlaxing? You could still have volume and thickness but it'd be easier to detangle. I was natural and the detangling sessions took HOURS, and i just don't think thats worth it. I was loosing hair and i couldn't do the styles i liked (like slicked-back) styles, so I made the decision that was best for MY lifestyle and my hair. I'm not saying relaxing is your only alternative but maybe you should think about what you really want and wants best for your hair.
HTH

 

[coolsista-paris]

hang in there. some days can be frustrating.

i felt like my hair wasn't growing for years. 5 to be exact. then all of a sudden i was bsl. it took me 3 years to get to apl. then i just stagnated there for another 2 years.

all i can say is, try to enjoy your hair for where it is now. treat it with care and enjoy the ride. try not to focus on length goals too much.

when i hit a wall with length goals, i start hiding my hair. that way i don't have to look at her. LOL

i am focusing too much on length .thats because ive been on stagnation !! i want to swing my hair and wear beautiful high updos...buns . ohhhhh its taking too long for the efforts im making. ive been in wigs since january but...its like nothing happening ...

 

[coolsista-paris]

@coolsista-paris have u considered texlaxing? You could still have volume and thickness but it'd be easier to detangle. I was natural and the detangling sessions took HOURS, and i just don't think thats worth it. I was loosing hair and i couldn't do the styles i liked (like slicked-back) styles, so I made the decision that was best for MY lifestyle and my hair. I'm not saying relaxing is your only alternative but maybe you should think about what you really want and wants best for your hair.
HTH

ive already thought of that too. but i dont understand the difference beetween relaxer,texlaxing and texuriser. i néed to research on that...

 

[coolsista-paris]

this past month i had my conrows under wig. they were smaller than usual. (i usually do 6 cause my fine hair makes then so small at the ends). this time i did about 9 and the ends were tinier .....i co washed every week with condit except once with gentle shampoo. the thing is just putting water on my conrows makes them frizzy and hair sticking out the braids... as i stayed in the conrows 4 weeks at à row . do you girls think this can be à reason for à very hard time detangling and loosing more hair?

 

[DarkJoy]

thanks. i saw shed hairs . and then broken hair throughout detangling...
i think ill straighten tonight . protective styles such as twists dont.work for me. ive been wigging since january . i seem to not be able to get the perfect balance i had in december or january. deep protein...no broken hair at all...detangling easy...and hair soft and strong ....ive been trying the same things since february i cant get that balance back.

coolsista-paris: haven't read thru all the thread yet but had to comment on this.

I also have fine hair. idk what it is! It seems like it gets resistant to a regi after a while! Been going thru this my whole life. You get a good balanced regi for a few months then boom! it starts breakin. Change the regi for a while and its good again. Until it starts falling and snapping again. Ugh. The cycle continues and I'm going thru this now too.

However, apl is a massive achievement on fine hair. Don't under appreciate it! That was lots of hard work so congrats for yourself are in order!

 

[DarkJoy]

Ohh and btw, you relax that fine hair and you will be back to sl by the end of the yyear and REALLY complaining then. Fine hair and relaxers generally = disaster. So hang in there.

 

[NappyNelle]

yeah it took long but i finally reached apl at last .wow what à fight .

usually i protein 1 month or 6 weeks . i conrow under wig. moisturise hair especially ends. very low manipulation.
ive been cowashing this month. i only shampoo once à month with dc too... i.massage my scalp mostly.everyday . only drink.water and juice .i eat healthily.

so....this is annoying . im loosing patience

this past month i had my conrows under wig. they were smaller than usual. (i usually do 6 cause my fine hair makes then so small at the ends). this time i did about 9 and the ends were tinier .....i co washed every week with condit except once with gentle shampoo. the thing is just putting water on my conrows makes them frizzy and hair sticking out the braids... as i stayed in the conrows 4 weeks at à row . do you girls think this can be à reason for à very hard time detangling and loosing more hair?

coolsista-paris It sounds like you are relying on moisture, but not balancing it with enough protein. As a fine haired natural, I almost never used protein and my hair seemed stuck for years. I added protein to strengthen my strands, then I saw the increase in thickness and length.

 

[coolsista-paris]

Ohh and btw, you relax that fine hair and you will be back to sl by the end of the yyear and REALLY complaining then. Fine hair and relaxers generally = disaster. So hang in there.

oh my goodness.that is what im so scared of....endort up nl like i was for over 10 years as à relaxed head . i thought maybe i didnt care well for it at that time and this time i will ....but then fine hair.: breaks even without harsh ingredients!!!! its just so hard.

i.see your.going through the same thing... i feel less lonely ...but sad for you too. hang on too.

 

[coolsista-paris]

coolsista-paris: haven't read thru all the thread yet but had to comment on this.

I also have fine hair. idk what it is! It seems like it gets resistant to a regi after a while! Been going thru this my whole life. You get a good balanced regi for a few months then boom! it starts breakin. Change the regi for a while and its good again. Until it starts falling and snapping again. Ugh. The cycle continues and I'm going thru this now too.

However, apl is a massive achievement on fine hair. Don't under appreciate it! That was lots of hard work so congrats for yourself are in order!

our hair is lunatic...never happy and always changing moods.....arg !!!!
my final goal was to.try wl.(then cut if i want to but i want to see up to where i can go to).
im gonna wait 2 more year to get to bsl when that isnt far from apl on me. THIS IS CRAZY

 

[coolsista-paris]

coolsista-paris It sounds like you are relying on moisture, but not balancing it with enough protein. As a fine haired natural, I almost never used protein and my hair seemed stuck for years. I added protein to strengthen my strands, then I saw the increase in thickness and length.

thanks for the advice .
as im trying to low manipulate and not wash à lot cause it frizzes,yeah i only moisturize till thé next complete wash day...its only once à month i protein.. i dont.really know how im gonna add protein on conrows between big wash. i bought aphoghee 2 min..which seems like à joke on my hair....i also bought main n tail condit and shampoo....

i need to work out à plan to protein between wash day.

 

[Cendra]

Don't do anything rash. Maybe you should just bun or keep your hair out of your way for now until you decide what to do. I think it's normal for more knots to appear as your hair gets that long too....wish I had some better advice....but just don't do anything "in the moment" that you might regret.

Hang it there. It's only hair!

 

[DarkJoy]

coolsista-paris, when was your last trim/dust/ whatever?

That usually buys my fine strands about 3 weeks before they start snapping again.... pardon me if you already said and I missed it.

 

[kellistarr]

I think constant cornrows on fine hair is a no-no. If you are going to continue with this routine, I'd make a few changes.

Cornrows are quite the manipulation and don't necessarily make your hair stronger. Even if you're keeping it tucked away, it still needs washing (I'd toss the shampoo and try a good cleanser) you still need to deep condition, preferably with something that has some protein and you still need to keep your ends clipped. Knots usually mean hair needs a trimming. You still need to moisturize. Hair doesn't like the same thing all the time, so it's not going to like those cornrows. Are you changing up your cornrow pattern?

Also, scalp needs air, it needs to breathe. Last, but not least, forget about length. Length will come when it's ready. Wear the hair that you've got. No manipulation means lots of hair shedding. Hair sheds daily and if you're not manipulating, once you do, big time hair shed.