I'm thinking about Relaxing...

[*Happily Me*]

I just can't take this hair anymore. It's getting so thick and very unmanageble. I am using my blow dryer/w comb attachment more and I am liking the semi straight styles. erplexed I do like natural hair too. Do you think I have the blues 'cause I have 2 textures in my head now?

I guess I need some encouragement...

 

[Valerie]

I just saw your album and your hair looks absolutely fabulous, it is so thick and beautiful. I think you should keep it natural, but maybe instead of relaxing, try texturising, you can have it curly as well as straight.

 

[OneInAMillion]

DSylla, your hair is so gorgeous and thick!!! I love that picture. I know how you feel dealing with two textures, but if you want to keep transitioning, what about pressing new growth every month or so for the straight look you want? This isn't much help I guess, but your hair looks very healthy, so I would continue transitioning. Good Luck!

 

[onepraying]

Donna:

Hang in there as long as you can. Weigh the pros and cons again.

There are plenty methods you can use to get your hair straight without using some much heat. You'll have to develop a regimen of styles that will help you get through this transition if it is what you decide to do. It is summer time and it is hot. It gets harder to keep natural/transitioning hair straight or curled. It is just the facts. Then you are using heat more and more. However, you may have to switch to low maintenance until you take the plunge and chop(if this is indeed what you plan on doing). Eventhough some of the styles aren't the most stylish or attractive.


If you feel you are leaning toward more straighter styles and you KNOW that heat will cause too much damage to maintain this look as a natural, then you must decide which is more important you.

I know what you are going through. I'm doing styles I wouldn't have thought of doing to my hair. I've been visiting other natural albums and stepping out there. Not caring what anyone thinks of my naps and bone straight hair!... It's been pretty fun too! My husband is a sucker for curls and straight hair and I told him, "We live in Georgia. It is not only hot but very humid. You aren't going to see a lot of curls swinging hair this Summer."

In order to keep my sanity I'm switching to baggy-ing and french rolls(with a few curls here and there). What has also helped me is good gels like Let's Jam and IC Fantasia and also Shea butter. I've become the Slick-down-tie-down-with-a scarf queen! I slick my edges and newgrowth decide if I'm going to bun, baggy, french roll or whatever then tie on my scarf.

I refuse to press, flatiron my hair just for it to puff up. That is causing un-necessary damage to my beautiful newgrowth. I'm straightening my hair every 6+ weeks for progress updates and change up on styles only.

You must do what is best for you. We are here for you one way or the other. If you relax, so be it, keep transitioning, so be it.

Keep your head up!

~op~

 

[curlilocs]

You have beautiful hair and I know it will be gorgeous when you overcome this obstacle, continue to transition, and eventually cut off all those relaxed ends! Maybe you should try more texturized styles like the spiral rods or twist outs. You can also consider doing the BC! You know I'm a BC advocate now!

I hope you continue to transition and your frustration ends soon. Hang in there!!!!

 

[Aquamarine]

I was previously natural, then I fell into the texturizer becuase I thought that I had to conform. I also thought that going back to the chems would mean eaiser maintanence. It's a bit easier to comb, but I forgot about all of the 'rules' that must be followed when combing/detangling processed hair. I'm also tired of my hair shedding in the shower. It's sad to look at my hands and see broken strands. I must say that I think that's happening because the hair is wet. When it's dry, it doesn't shed much.....but it's still more shedding that I had when I was all natural.

I'm transistioning again (yes, again lol). Something about natural hair just keeps drawing me back. I think it's alll of the pics of huge low puffs and twists/outs, etc lol.

Good luck!

 

[*Happily Me*]

Thank you ladies. Thanks for the support. I just received the following email from my best friend who is transitioning:

DONT DO IT !!!!

You come TOOO far!!! GO have it flat ironed. I know how you feel about
the heat thing, but you have to find a way to maintain it and keep it
straight; and heat may be the only answer.

This is my first time transitioning and I've ALWAYS permed after 4 - 6 weeks. I like my hair but I guess I wish it was longer. And sometimes, my hair gets alot of attention. I'm not a very shy person, but I don't like to draw alot of attention to myself.

I went to the dominican salon on Saturday to get a blow dry. This women got my hair soooo straight! I was amazed! It was swinging, bouncing and shining! But, I co washed my hair the next day 'cause I was afraid of heat damage! Then, I did another co-wash yesterday and straighten it again!
I dunno what i'm doing!

I dream of just sliding the perm through my hair for 5 minutes. That's just enough time to relax the kink a little. But, I'm not going to do it yet. I'm going to give this some serious thought first.

Thank you all for listening and your support.

 

[ChocoKitty]

DSylla Please stay encouraged. There are a lot of people who went through (or are going through) what you are experiencing. I am one of them. Many years ago I went natural and then relaxed again only to return back to being natural. I've probably transitioned 3x!!! I've finally realized that "Natural" is what I want to be for the rest of my life. I say fully stick it out to the end. At the end, if being natural isn't your thing--you can relax again with healthy head of hair.

In the meantime--When I long for "relaxer straight hair" I pull out my ceramic flatirons. I believe you can maintain natural hair while using heat. It all about how much care you put into your hair. To each his own...

 

[Dolapo]

dont do it dsylla.................yes, flatiron or do something. or get braids or twists or whatever

 

[Victorian]

It's probably just a phase, try to wait it out! Just keep in mind your original goals and reasons for going natural.
I also turned to heat when the two textures got to be too much to deal with when I airdried. It got me through to my big chop. I was a little bit paranoid about using heat every week, but you gotta do what you gotta do, and I tried to really take extra care of my hair during this period. I chose to blowdry, and I avoided using the heat directly on my ends, just on the natural hair.

You can do it!

 

[webby]

I went to the dominican salon on Saturday to get a blow dry. This women got my hair soooo straight! I was amazed! It was swinging, bouncing and shining! But, I co washed my hair the next day 'cause I was afraid of heat damage! Then, I did another co-wash yesterday and straighten it again!
I dunno what i'm doing!

I have really thick hair. I can't get a comb through it if it's not relaxed. With that said, I won't try to sway you either way. What I will say is that head, by way of a blower, isn't the worse thing, if done in moderation.

You may need to find what works best for your hair, before you make major decisions (relax - go natural). One thing, you may be relaxing too soon, IMO. 8 weeks is the soonest one should get a touch up.

 

[mscounselor]

I know how you feel D! I was crying this weekend when it took forever to detangle my hair for my rods. I decided to get twists with extensions this week until the stressful period of my life (finals in grad school) is over. I am not a fan of braids or extensions but if I take care of it, it will save me from doing something drastic.
I also agree with everyone else. Use heat but do it with care. My hair never looked better when I got the Dominican blow out. I wasn't concerned about the heat since she REALLY conditioned my hair before hand.
I think you take wonderful care of your hair and as long as you continue to do so, it will pay off in the end.

 

[*Happily Me*]

I'm going to wait awhile. I'll give my hair a chance to transition and if if doesn't work out, then i'll try the Phyto that everyone is raving about.

Thanks ladies!

 

[*Happily Me*]

I know how you feel D! I was crying this weekend when it took forever to detangle my hair for my rods. I decided to get twists with extensions this week until the stressful period of my life (finals in grad school) is over. I am not a fan of braids or extensions but if I take care of it, it will save me from doing something drastic.
I also agree with everyone else. Use heat but do it with care. My hair never looked better when I got the Dominican blow out. I wasn't concerned about the heat since she REALLY conditioned my hair before hand.
I think you take wonderful care of your hair and as long as you continue to do so, it will pay off in the end.

I got a bit of an attitude when sat down to get my hair blown out at the salon. I ignoree her 'cause they only charged $10 bucks! It came out really nice. lol

 

[mkstar826]

why fight the two textures by trying to straigten? why not try styles like twist-outs of braid-outs or rod or roller sets. i guess it all depends on how you feel about it but i transitioned for almost a year and never once wore my hair straight after the first month. i used heat maybe 2 times. It's only as hard as you make it.

 

[MeccaMedinah]

why fight the two textures by trying to straigten? why not try styles like twist-outs of braid-outs or rod or roller sets. i guess it all depends on how you feel about it but i transitioned for almost a year and never once wore my hair straight after the first month. i used heat maybe 2 times. It's only as hard as you make it.

I too agree. And I too straightened my hair only once during my transition. I don't know why you decided to transition, though. But if you're like me it was because you realized that straight hair is never the only option.
My suggestion to transitioners is always, try braid outs, twistouts & rollersets.

 

[*Happily Me*]

I came across LHCF 'cause I was doing a google search on good/bad alcohols in hair products. I lurked for awhile then decided to join. I NEVER had any intentions of transitioning until I got here and saw all the beautiful healthy natural heads. I thought, "hey... I could do this!".

I see tons of healthy relaxed hair too. However, transitioning to natural is probably the best thing in my life right now. I take Cellcept which is a very toxic kidney medication and it has made my hair sooo dry and brittle that I'm really suprised I'm not bald right now... I'm supposed to take it for another 8 months. I thought that relaxing while taking this stuff cannot be good for my hair and scalp. I decided to transition. I just need to hang in here...

Anhoo, THANK YOU ALL for your encouragement, compliments, advice, and shared stories. You don't know how much you've helped.

 

[*Happily Me*]

I have the blues today... i've been crying all morning... I'm thinking about relaxing again but I'm trying to talk myself out of it... I know it's stupid to think that If my hair was more manageable, i'd have less stress...

My hair has been a serious mess lately. It's severely dry, tangled and matted. I don't like it and i feel very unattractive. I can't comb or part this mess!

I don't think the BC is for me right now. I'm not comfortable with short hair on me yet.

 

[hopeful]

I have the blues today... i've been crying all morning... I'm thinking about relaxing again but I'm trying to talk myself out of it... I know it's stupid to think that If my hair was more manageable, i'd have less stress...

My hair has been a serious mess lately. It's severely dry, tangled and matted. I don't like it and i feel very unattractive. I can't comb or part this mess!

I don't think the BC is for me right now. I'm not comfortable with short hair on me yet.

DSylla, girl don't make this that serious, okay? No more crying girl. The way I see it, you need to go ahead and bc, get braids, weave it up, do twist-outs/braid outs, or relax it. Whatever you decide, you are not a failure or giving in. This is a learning process, a journey, and while it will be trying sometimes, it should be fun. When I bc'd back in January it was a no-brainer for me, really easy. Don't get me wrong I was scared, but not that scared. I loved how I looked with my twa. After nearly 6 months I texturized and I have no desire at this point to be natural again.

If you don't want to bc because you don't think you'll look attractive (which I think would be really hard because you are so cute!), and you don't like twist-outs/braid-outs, are tired of dealing with two textures, then go ahead and relax, condition the heck out of it and enjoy. Maybe this is not the time in your life to transition. Maybe after you finish taking your medication your hair won't be so dry and you'll be up to transitioning again. Whatever you decide to do don't feel like one path is superior to the other. Being natural is a beautiful and wonderful experience but it is not for everybody and is not superior to being relaxed or texturized. Do what makes your heart light and makes you smile.:Rose:

 

[Shalilac]

DSylla, girl don't make this that serious, okay? No more crying girl. The way I see it, you need to go ahead and bc, get braids, weave it up, do twist-outs/braid outs, or relax it. Whatever you decide, you are not a failure or giving in. This is a learning process, a journey, and while it will be trying sometimes, it should be fun. When I bc'd back in January it was a no-brainer for me, really easy. Don't get me wrong I was scared, but not that scared. I loved how I looked with my twa. After nearly 6 months I texturized and I have no desire at this point to be natural again.

If you don't want to bc because you don't think you'll look attractive (which I think would be really hard because you are so cute!), and you don't like twist-outs/braid-outs, are tired of dealing with two textures, then go ahead and relax, condition the heck out of it and enjoy. Maybe this is not the time in your life to transition. Maybe after you finish taking your medication your hair won't be so dry and you'll be up to transitioning again. Whatever you decide to do don't feel like one path is superior to the other. Being natural is a beautiful and wonderful experience but it is not for everybody and is not superior to being relaxed or texturized. Do what makes your heart light and makes you smile.:Rose:

ITA! Very well said!

 

[chocolate01]

I agree with Hopeful, beautifully put!

 

[MzTami]

I agree with Hopeful 100% . Emotional beauty takes precedence. If you are not happy, by all means do what makes you happy!

I am transitioning too(8weeks) If it becomes too much for me....*opening the door to Sally's for ProfectIV relaxer and smiling*




Transitioning
Last relaxer- 07/02/2005
Texture-2b/medium???4b/medium ( I haven't figured it out yet)
Length- 2 to 3 inches pass shoulder
Goal-shoulder length 100% natural healthy hair.

I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn’t, than live my life as if there isn’t and die to find out there is!- unknown

http://public.fotki.com/mztami
password: mztami

 

[*Happily Me*]

My life is a big fat mess right now. Marriage is down the tubes, overworked and underpaid, and my house is a mess 'cause i've been depressed. I have too much going on in my life and quiet honestly, i'm not that strong. I probably need to head over to the off topic discussion and just lay it all out there...

And my hair... I can't even deal with this right now. I feel very unpretty right now. I serioulsy cannot even comb it. It's matted! This isn't the best time to try to transition. I feel in my heart that I will be natural one day, just not now.

To all the transitioners who've help me, thank you!

and thank you all for your kind words and support.

 

[MzTami]

I can definately relate to your problems. Been there done that. I think that you are taking all of your problems out on your hair and covering up the real problems.

If marriage is in trouble. (fix it or dismiss it and move on!) Don't stress yourself. I know it easier said than done. This is my second marriage, and I have never been more happier! This man loves me for me, not my looks. He said I didn't have to change a thang for him.

If job isn't right. Stay there until you find something better. But remember every job that you get comes with problems. Some are less severe.

Whenever I was going through things in my life Mrs. Gloria Gaynor's "I will survive" was my best friend!

I wish you the best of luck!

I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn’t, than live my life as if there isn’t and die to find out there is!- unknown


Transitioning
Last relaxer- 07/02/2005
Texture-2b/medium???4b/medium ( I haven't figured it out yet)
Length- 2 to 3 inches pass shoulder
Goal-shoulder length 100% natural healthy hair.

I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn’t, than live my life as if there isn’t and die to find out there is!- unknown


http://public.fotki.com/mztami
password: mztami

 

[BBabe]

So sorry to hear the situations you're facing.
Re: hair - the beauty of being natural is that you can have any/every hairstyle you like. You say you're craving straight styles? So why not go out and get them! Go out and get a fabulous weave. It will be easier to care for a natural protective style such as a weave, than to care for non protected relaxed hair. You have a lot on your plate right now, so it sounds like a protective style would be best anyways...Best of luck

 

[*Happily Me*]

I was on my way to duane reades to buy a relaxer and I got caught in the rain! Could this be a worst day???? So, I stopped in Popeyes to get some comfort food, chicken and seasoned fries, large soda.

Sitting directly across from me was this AA woman with a fly pony puff. I just kept staring at it cause it was so cute! Across from me were 2 brothers with locs and they were pretty. I though, dayum! What a coincidence... I live in a mostly indian and hispanic neighborhood. I hardly ever see AA folks. Maybe I'm not supposed to relax now...

I teared up a bit (I'm very emotional today) and decided to wait. I thought of all the good things I liked about having semi-natural hair. Getting caught in the rain and not worrying too much about my hair was one of them. I found a BSS and brought some cheap conditioner, lekair and suave and I'm deep conditioning now. O, I bought a new comb too which they forgot to charge me for.

Thanks for letting me vent. I feel a bit better now... and I really needed a good cry. My hormones are all outta whack, I have not had my period for 2 1/2 months! I think its stress because I know I'm not pregnant.

The quest for natural hair is crazy man!

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Hey D,
Hang in there girl! You may not realize it, but you possess a tremendous amount of resolve and strength, and I could not agree more with Hopeful about personal decisions. I too would like to go natural at some point in my life, but I am fully aware and comfortable with the fact that now is *not* the time. I can imagine your hair just being "one more thing to think about" at this point, but don't put too much pressure on yourself. Sit down and seperate the things you can control from those that you can't. Do what you can to improve your situation, and leave the rest to God. He did not intend for you to fight battles like these alone.
Whatever happens, I hope you're entirely comfortable. I liked what was said about someone going natural then texturizing and having no desire to go back. The fun thing about being an AA woman with a head full of hair is that you can do so many things. If you don't like it, get yo relax on girl! And don't beat yourself up for it. With LHCF and all of these *magnificent* relaxed heads, there is no reason you can't enjoy a healthy head of relaxed/texturized hair.

Remember that there's someone who doesn't have hair to make a decision about. Keep everything in perspective, and don't be irrational in your misery.

Above all else, you're in my prayers. Keep us posted.

 

[Lucia]

You have alot of things going on right now, it's not a good time to make any definate permanent decision about your hair, get some phonyponys, wigs, do Co washes, braids, until you can deal with your hair properly when your in a calmer place in your life. You have many options (texturizing, relax, or natural if you still want too) like the ladies have said but don't rush into something when you're emotional just to regret it later--let the wave pass. God bless.

 

[DDTexlaxed]

D, I feel your pain. When I first bced, I was in a horrible mindset. My job and my self -esteem was down the tubes. I ended up relaxing and feeling bad. Please see if you can wait a bit longer. If u want strait styles, have u considered getting a weave? I'll be praying for you. What ever you decide to do, please be assured that we will support you no matter what.

 

[bludacious]

Ohhh, Babygirl, you need some **hugs and kisses**! I know you are going through a few things but you are going to make it through! I will be praying for you sister. About your hair, I don't care if you transition, relax, bc, or dye it purple, you are still beautiful! Whenever you need to talk, pm me!