My BF mom and my hair!

[sweetpeadst]

Why is it everytime I do something other that wear my hair down, my boyfriend's mother has something to say. I had kinky twist "I don't like your hair like that!" she would say and it didn't matter who was around! I got micros the same comment was made then her husband and my bf said that I like then she retracted her statement and said the same thing but then said I still like your hair down. I thought that this was my head and I choose what I do to it!!! Sometimes I get frustrated when people always have something to say!

 

[PretteePlease]

i feel ya brush it off of & gently let her know that he comments are best kept to herself

 

[sweetpeadst]

Thanks. Not only when she says it then her 8 year old son has to repeat it like yeah I don't like your hair like that either!!!

 

[tryn2growmyhair]

Gosh, good luck with this woman! How in love with your boyfriend are you? If you guys get married you might have to permanently put up with her stupid comments, LOL! Since I have begun this hair journey I have found that there are a lot of people out there who are ignorant about hair.

 

[sweetpeadst]

We have been dating for nearly two years (I can see myself marrying him). She loves me don't get me wrong! Ever since the first day she met me she has said that she wants her son to marry me. But I also had my hair down the first time I met her. It just get's under my skin b/c I don't comment on her hair when I don't like it!!! (which is always b/c I don't think the way she has her hair cut compiments her)

 

[MizAvalon]

Wow, she sounds like a very rude woman with no tact. If you marry your boyfriend and have kids I think that's when the real problems will begin. She's already showing you now that she has no problem making rude comments no matter how inappropriate. She sounds like she would be the mother-in-law from hell.

 

[sweetpeadst]

LOL at the mother-in-law from hell bit.

 

[sweetpeadst]

I love him but I can't dump him b/c of his mommy wouldn't that be wronggggggg? But she does get on my nerves at times! She won't let him grow up (he is 22) and she calls him at least 2 times a day! I came into his home town and he got a room for me and she got mad b/c he got a room. I just don't know what to say!!!!!

 

[sweetpeadst]

bumping for more answers!!!!!!!

 

[senimoni]

I would say " I don't like your face like that". LOL

I don't know how to give you an answer that would not come off the wrong way so I will stay silent on that note


Only thing is to maybe talk to her about it in private and tell her how it makes you feel.

 

[sweetpeadst]

I would say " I don't like your face like that". LOL

I don't know how to give you an answer that would not come off the wrong way so I will stay silent on that note


Only thing is to maybe talk to her about it in private and tell her how it makes you feel.

LOL!!!!!!! Yeah I usually have a snappy mouth but since she is my elder and my BFs mommy I decided to hush! I might do that the next time!!!!!!!! Thanks for the advice!

 

[MizAvalon]

Only thing is to maybe talk to her about it in private and tell her how it makes you feel.

ITA with this. If you can see yourself being long-term with your boyfriend, nip this in the bud now. The tone is being set for the boundaries of your relationship.

I read an in-law message board sometimes and the NUMBER ONE gripe that the daughters-in-law have is that they never spoke up years ago when the boyfriend or husband's mother would make little snide comments. Then years later when they tried to speak up or set boundaries it was very difficult or in some cases, impossible. They all say that they could have saved themselves years of headache if they had spoken up at the beginning.

 

[Daisy'sHair]

In my experiences with situations like this I have to say she will find something to say she does not like. However, sometimes people try to find your weakness and tend to attack that when they think you are weak. Yes she is your elder, but I believe that people dont have to respect you, but they won't disrespect you. My brother alwasy has something to say about my hair or something I tell him well guess what it looks good to me and I LOVE IT!

 

[sweetpeadst]

Well thank you all for your suggestions! I will take all this to heart the next time I experience any other snide comments from her!

 

[Chaya]

Girl I know exactly what you are going through. My HTB (Husband to be)'s mother loves to point out my imperfections. This ranges from my occasional skin breakouts to my hair. Dont get me wrong, when my hair is looking nice (must be laid just perfect however) she will compliment. But if I come over and my hair is airdried and natural looking, she will ask "Girl what is wrong with your hair?" I have come to accept this as being part of her personality. Sometimes Ill politely tell her that " I like it." or Ill just shrug it off. Believe me, you'll get to know her better and you'll learn to handle her.

 

[sweetpeadst]

Girl I know exactly what you are going through. My HTB (Husband to be)'s mother loves to point out my imperfections. This ranges from my occasional skin breakouts to my hair. Dont get me wrong, when my hair is looking nice (must be laid just perfect however) she will compliment. But if I come over and my hair is airdried and natural looking, she will ask "Girl what is wrong with your hair?" I have come to accept this as being part of her personality. Sometimes Ill politely tell her that " I like it." or Ill just shrug it off. Believe me, you'll get to know her better and you'll learn to handle her.

Thanks Chaya I am so glad someone else has been going through the same drama. She is the same way!!

 

[Poohbear]

Don't worry about what they have to say when you wear your hair a certain way! If I wear my hair anyway but straight, my family and/or friends are quick to say "you need a relaxer" or "why don't you straighten it?"... MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO!
Wear your hair the way you want to wear it and the way you think is best for your hair!!!

 

[sweetpeadst]

Don't worry about what they have to say when you wear your hair a certain way! If I wear my hair anyway but straight, my family and/or friends are quick to say "you need a relaxer" or "why don't you straighten it?"... MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO!
Wear your hair the way you want to wear it and the way you think is best for your hair!!!

I sure will!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

 

[sweetpeadst]

She strikes again!!!!!!!!!!!!


I came to B-ham to help my cousin move out of her dorm! SO after we finished my BF came and got me and took me to his house to spend some time with me!!!!! Mind you I haven't seen them in over 2-3 months! SHe opens her mouth (and out of came what I thought was going to be a hey) "Why do you have that wig on your head!!!!!!!!!!" I felt so embarassed!!!!!!!!!!! I then replied this is not a wig this is a weave (sewn in)!! And my bf was just looking at me!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to slap her down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think that is so rude!

Can I get a hello before you start critiquing my hair!!

 

[ThickHair]

What does her hair look like? If her hair is tore up then she may just be jealous. My MIL ask me why did I always wear twist, I told her because I like them. She said she didn't like them and if her hair was long like mine she would wear it out and curled all the time. I told her go for it. She has dry brittle hair that she refuses to get cut even, all 3 inches of it, because her beautican keeps selling her these jive conditioning treatments to grow her hair back. I have been with DH for almost 12 years and her hair has yet to grow back past those 3 uneven inches. Still waiting.

 

[Lorraine]

Don't feel bad. Some people have an old school definition of what a nice do is. Wear your hair as you like. It's an extension of who we are. Maybe that's why my hair looks wild and crazy today cuz that sure is my attitude right about now!

 

[moda]

I am sorry that you have to experience this type of treatment with her. Like everyone else pretty much said, as long as you are happy with your hair, no one elses opinion should matter.

Girl you were rockin that sew in, she obviously does not know a good hair do when she sees it.

 

[LorraineCC]

Why doesn't your bf say something to her gently? I know exactly what you are going through and its not easy. It does get better though. It took me 8 years to say something to my MIL because my husband didn't have the guts to say anything. She hasn't said a negative thing to me since. Its a sore spot in my marriage because I felt that he should have said something to her a long time ago. I resented him for that, but that's a whole different story.

 

[sweetpeadst]

What does her hair look like? If her hair is tore up then she may just be jealous. My MIL ask me why did I always wear twist, I told her because I like them. She said she didn't like them and if her hair was long like mine she would wear it out and curled all the time. I told her go for it. She has dry brittle hair that she refuses to get cut even, all 3 inches of it, because her beautican keeps selling her these jive conditioning treatments to grow her hair back. I have been with DH for almost 12 years and her hair has yet to grow back past those 3 uneven inches. Still waiting.

Dry, short, and not cute at all!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is dyed a color that is not complimenting to her skin tone! You can check out the hair style that I had in my photo album the first one in my siggy!!!!!!! IT is the rods!!! She is starting to get on my NErVES!

 

[sweetpeadst]

Why doesn't your bf say something to her gently? I know exactly what you are going through and its not easy. It does get better though. It took me 8 years to say something to my MIL because my husband didn't have the guts to say anything. She hasn't said a negative thing to me since. Its a sore spot in my marriage because I felt that he should have said something to her a long time ago. I resented him for that, but that's a whole different story.

I have told him that she always has smething to say about my hair! He saidwhy didn't you say anything to her! I told him I am trying to be respectful b/c she probably won't like me! He didn't say anything after that! But she has one more time and it is over!!!

 

[KAddy]

Just take it with a grain of salt SweetPea. I am sure she really means no harm, but just wants to say something. Tell her thanks and you respect her opinion, but you like it. I don't know, I really don't have experience here. I mean, the only person who will voice their opinion most about my hair is the DH. He always says he likes my hair straight, but I still change it up, so he's basically just voicing his opinion now-a-days. Like now I have a weave.

Next time she says something just say "really? Well, thanks for our opinion, but I like it." And leave it at that. Don't dwell on it or it will drive you crazy.

 

[sweetpeadst]

Just take it with a grain of salt SweetPea. I am sure she really means no harm, but just wants to say something. Tell her thanks and you respect her opinion, but you like it. I don't know, I really don't have experience here. I mean, the only person who will voice their opinion most about my hair is the DH. He always says he likes my hair straight, but I still change it up, so he's basically just voicing his opinion now-a-days. Like now I have a weave.

Next time she says something just say "really? Well, thanks for our opinion, but I like it." And leave it at that. Don't dwell on it or it will drive you crazy.

Thanks Kaddy!!!!! I am going to try that! Her son loves my hair with curls!

 

[chellee]

Some people have an impulse control problem.

Just remember, you teach people how to treat you. Whether you are laughing it off or shrugging as you pass, you are encouraging her by not letting her know it bothers you. She may think you are cool with her comments and may not realize their impact.

Say something like, "Boy, if I had low self-esteem, your comments about my hair would really hurt," and walk away. Or, "If I didn't know any better I would think you didn't like me." Shift the negative energy right back to her and give her something to ponder about. Or . . . be the first to comment. Say, "Did you do something different to your hair, it looks lighter/shorter than normal." You and everyone around will know that it is damaged/breaking. Or reference a bald/thinning area on her head and say, "You know, the same thing happened to me after I took out some extension braids. It took forever for that area to grow back. I was so pissed off." And be sincere about it too. Make sure you spot her hubby around so she feels a little embarrassed. People dish out way more than they can take and I would give her a little taste of her medicine (In a seemingly nice way of course.) Tell her you like her outfit, when she looks a little uncomfortable in it. The point here is to place her in the spotlight. Make her recognize that she is living in a glass house.

It seems like she has gone to the point of no return as far as working your nerves. It's not what she says at this point, it's who she is. If one of your girlfriends would have made some of the same comments, it would have been a big joke. At this point, Miss MIL can't ever do right b/c you are sensitive to her now. Your boyfriend won't speak up b/c he has been living this way for the last 22 years.

 

[sweetpeadst]

Some people have an impulse control problem.

Just remember, you teach people how to treat you. Whether you are laughing it off or shrugging as you pass, you are encouraging her by not letting her know it bothers you. She may think you are cool with her comments and may not realize their impact.

Say something like, "Boy, if I had low self-esteem, your comments about my hair would really hurt," and walk away. Or, "If I didn't know any better I would think you didn't like me." Shift the negative energy right back to her and give her something to ponder about. Or . . . be the first to comment. Say, "Did you do something different to your hair, it looks lighter/shorter than normal." You and everyone around will know that it is damaged/breaking. Or reference a bald/thinning area on her head and say, "You know, the same thing happened to me after I took out some extension braids. It took forever for that area to grow back. I was so pissed off." And be sincere about it too. Make sure you spot her hubby around so she feels a little embarrassed. People dish out way more than they can take and I would give her a little taste of her medicine (In a seemingly nice way of course.) Tell her you like her outfit, when she looks a little uncomfortable in it. The point here is to place her in the spotlight. Make her recognize that she is living in a glass house.

It seems like she has gone to the point of no return as far as working your nerves. It's not what she says at this point, it's who she is. If one of your girlfriends would have made some of the same comments, it would have been a big joke. At this point, Miss MIL can't ever do right b/c you are sensitive to her now. Your boyfriend won't speak up b/c he has been living this way for the last 22 years.

GOOD ADVICE!

It wasn't like this at first I think it took a turn for the worse when she thought I was being mean to her 8 year old son (the child is unruly) He is to grown and I really think he thinks he is my age! She use to tell me how beautiful my hair was!

 

[Kalani]

GOOD ADVICE!

It wasn't like this at first I think it took a turn for the worse when she thought I was being mean to her 8 year old son (the child is unruly) He is to grown and I really think he thinks he is my age! She use to tell me how beautiful my hair was!

Aha! So thats what this is really about! Could she be any more infantile? I would take Chellee's advice.