My Boss Tells Me NO MORE BUNS! How Can I Look My Best & Keep Hair Healthy?

[la mosca]

i'm all for leaving my hair down. i just get nervous about giving my hair constant attention (styling it) and trying to retain length/grow it longer. its a little past bottom of bra strap now. i had a major set back a year ago that i'm trying to recover from.

i want to know the best way to style my hair so i can wear it down/make it look great everyday WHILE continuing to nuture and protect it.

I'd go with a half-wig or a professionally styled wig. What a pain to have to go through this, but I've worked in a very competitive corporate environment for many years now (and I often have to deal with clients and make public appearances), so I know how it is.

 

[bravenewgirl87]

I hope you get that promotion, though. Seriously, keep us updated.

 

[topnotch1010]

It's the implication you made that it's "unprofessional to meet with clients with your hair like that" (hair buns) that is opening a can of worms. You're suggesting its unprofessional and lazy, which is not always the case.

The OP can still be creative with buns and be professional wearing them. I think her colleagues saw her in another look outside the bun and preferred she wore it that way...all the time. And it was at a baseball game where the OP decided to let her hair down, not in a conference room.

While I agree she will have to consider changing her daily styling, she can also do that while wearing buns. Her boss should not be deciding for her what is best for her hair. I'm sure folks would have less to say if the OP decided to step it up a notch with her buns.

And I stand by my comments. Anything else?

 

[Firefly]

I was just looking at one of Ateya's YT vids and I thought that you might get some ideas...check it out.

http://www.youtube.com/user/Ateyaaa

 

[lovelyone80]

this is so ironic. when I applied for my job, my current boss loved my wild micros but asked me to put them in a bun which I did. And I understood why, my hair was very big and curly. Even now, when we have meetings, I put in a bun to look professional.

it's interesting what some see as professional and others dont.

 

[Diva_Esq]

I read your siggy and see that you're 3b/c which means you most likely can achieve a smooth sleek straight look with minimal direct heat and harm to your hair if you do it right. I think you should really master rollersetting then wrapping or pincurling to get the sleek straight look, if you havent before start getting religious with the moisture DCs step things up in the fashion dept if thats an issue as well, get that money continue to move up in the firm then three promotions later you do whateva the heck you wanna do with your hair to reach your goals get that money girl.

Hair is not that deep to compromise a promotion in a profession you're clearly happy to be in and excelling in, make the compromise for now, if you continue on this trajectory you'll be in her position in no time and you'll be in the position to do whatever.

When I got licensed to sell real estate I was 19 and when I joined my firm I was one of the youngest amung my peers. Initially my hair was pressed and in a low bun (I NEVER wear buns normally and find them severe and boring but please believe in that interview and in the beginning my hair was in one) eventually my capabilities spoke for itself and I became one of the highest grossing amung my colleagues....little by little I busted out my fro, straw set, twists, twist-outs you name the style I rocked it with my clients and strolled right into those luxury buildings and lofts.

Make a little comprimises in the beginning at the rate you're going you're gonna be in your boss's position in a few years anyway.

*See bold portion*

I agree...I wet bun about 75-90% of the time, and I work in a conservative law firm with no other people of color besides myself, and I don't use any heat to bun. Wet with conditioner, Garnier Fructis wax for my edges and Eco Styler Gel to smooth back and I have no fly aways and a neat bun.

Good luck! Hair is a big deal, unfortunately, in the workplace.

 

[LushLox]

I see little point in seeking legal advice or even going to HR. Unless you have what your manager said in written form or there are witnesses who will confirm what was said, if the woman is sensible all she'll do is deny it or she'll claim that you misinterpreted her. I work in HR, I know how these things work.

 

[JinaRicci]

It's not about whether her buns are professional, neat or attractive. The fact is buns for some reason are not part of her work culture. If buns were THE accepted hairstyle she could be wearing her hair down looking fly & professional but still not fitting in. Some places of business think buns are hairstyles worn when you didn't wash your hair i.e. haven't taken enough effort. It doesn't make it a universal fact- it's just that particular culture.

Bosses look at how well their employees embrace their environment & represent them. If someone isn't fitting in, then they question how long they will last & whether they should invest in & promote that person. OP's boss is doing her a favor to make sure she's not passed over since other people higher up probably also get a say in her promotion.

Good luck OP!

 

[R4L]

*warning -unpopular opinion*

Perhaps you just need to suck it up and take your bosses' advice.

You are NOT running things. You are young and new. If MULTIPLE people are telling you that you don't look professional - trust them. Change it up. If you're doing buns with scrunchies that change to match the colors of your outfits, it does NOT look professional. From your posts, appearance is important at your job. You mentioned that some of the meetings look like fashion shows. This is the corporate culture that you have chosen to work within. Here are your choices:

1. ignore what your boss told you and make your hair more important than your job - you risk not getting advanced.
2. follow your boss' advice and change your hair and gain advancement.
3. look for a new job where they are less visually aware.

Whatever you choose good luck.

The harsh reality is that people care what you look like. Tall people make more money than short people. Good looking people have an easier life. People will judge you based on your hair. No one meets someone and thinks - ohhh what a sexy brain!

 

[blue_flower]

How the heezy are they going to tell you what to do with YOUR hair? If my boss said that to me, I would've said, "What about you?"

 

[cocoaluv]

That's what I am thinking. Keeping her jumping through hoops. I've seen it many times before.

Thats the first thing that came to my mind. What will she ask for next? Your not thin enough, pretty enough, wear enough makeup/the right clothes.......etc. I see nothing wrong with wearing different hair styles but I'd be too pissed if next time she has another "reason" as to why I cant be promoted.

 

[djkforeal]

Wow, this thread is getting really long and I don't think it has been 24 hours. I can't read through all the pages because I have read enough! I cannot believe the corporate world is really this way and I have heard this before so it is not new but it is still shocking! My sister is in a similar situation I think but she has not shared this side of it with us, she works for a major TV network and her boss is Asian and she is the only black girl in her department and she catches slight hints of blatant racisism! These people better know about EEO and government programs that work for people who are discriminated against because of age, race, religon, disability etc. I am a government employee and I happen to be a union representative and I would be damn if any manager would say things like that to our employees! Get my drift...bad publicity, a lot of money involved in a lawsuit etc. I would do like the others have said and try a half wig or a full lace wig so that they would not even know it was your hair or not unless you tell them. Also half wigs are very easy, all you do is place the combs in the front and back sort of like a banana clip and blend your hair over the front of it or wear the front of your hair slicked back, put the half wig about 2-3 inches back from your front hairline and throw on a headband. They have so many different headbands to match any wardrobe or print out there. This has me so frustrated and I don't want to dwell on this any longer. I hope this helps, much love.

 

[Vintageglam]

I don't have any answers for you - but I would like to say that this may not be as personal as one might think. You enjoy your job - you are successful in your industry - hair should not stop you from accomplishing your goals.
Wishing you the best!

ITA I also think that Op you should maybe contact a personal stylist. You say that you don't feel comfortable sometimes styling yourself. I got a personal stylist when I knew I was moving to the next step in my career and I never looked back. Also you can divert some attention away from your hair.

Depending on your work environment, its very difficult for a napptural to blend in without tucking, hiding or protecting her hair strands. Now it appears even buns in its natural state are not acceptable in some work environments! There is no middle ground or happy medium if you're trying to move up the corporate ladder. It's either blend in or be stunted/demoted or fired.

Depending on her length, I'd recommend the the OP go for a rollerset/soft curl/bob look more often, something like this:

Or play up her buns/chignons like this:

Love Rasta's Post. I really think there is some FANTASTIC inspiration here. As I said in my initial post, I do not think it's the hair itself. I think it's the overall effect in conjunction with the way the hair is styled.

I read your siggy and see that you're 3b/c which means you most likely can achieve a smooth sleek straight look with minimal direct heat and harm to your hair if you do it right.

Hair is not that deep to compromise a promotion in a profession you're clearly happy to be in and excelling in, make the compromise for now, if you continue on this trajectory you'll be in her position in no time and you'll be in the position to do whatever.

Make a little comprimises in the beginning at the rate you're going you're gonna be in your boss's position in a few years anyway.

ITA

Don't cry...There are so many options of no heat or no direct heat styling....You just need to do some research...Off hand I would suggest rollersets ( alot of the ladies do the rollersets and retain so so much growth) bantu knot done right looks great...So you can even make a braid out look nice for work..

ITA again

*See bold portion*

I agree...I wet bun about 75-90% of the time, and I work in a conservative law firm with no other people of color besides myself, and I don't use any heat to bun. Wet with conditioner, Garnier Fructis wax for my edges and Eco Styler Gel to smooth back and I have no fly aways and a neat bun.

Good luck! Hair is a big deal, unfortunately, in the workplace.

Great info here....

I see little point in seeking legal advice or even going to HR. Unless you have what your manager said in written form or there are witnesses who will confirm what was said, if the woman is sensible all she'll do is deny it or she'll claim that you misinterpreted her. I work in HR, I know how these things work.

ITA - Nothing more to say. Go to "Human Remains" and you might as well kiss that promo goodbye and any mentoring or confidences from your Boss in the future.

*warning -unpopular opinion*

Perhaps you just need to suck it up and take your bosses' advice.

You are NOT running things. You are young and new. If MULTIPLE people are telling you that you don't look professional - trust them. Change it up. If you're doing buns with scrunchies that change to match the colors of your outfits, it does NOT look professional. From your posts, appearance is important at your job. You mentioned that some of the meetings look like fashion shows. This is the corporate culture that you have chosen to work within. Here are your choices:

1. ignore what your boss told you and make your hair more important than your job - you risk not getting advanced.
2. follow your boss' advice and change your hair and gain advancement.
3. look for a new job where they are less visually aware.

Whatever you choose good luck.

The harsh reality is that people care what you look like. Tall people make more money than short people. Good looking people have an easier life. People will judge you based on your hair. No one meets someone and thinks - ohhh what a sexy brain!

Everything she said was the truth. Its your choice OP. And notice the emphasis on the word CHOICE. You don;t have to do anything you don't want to and neither do your employers. So it's all a reciprocal you scratch my back and I will scratch yours relationship.

 

[PeanutButterandHoney]

Hmmm..

My opinions aren't popular, but without seeing your bun, I will reserve my opinions, but, IMO
Wigs=no no. I have never seen a wig that looks real. Half wig MAYBE.
Weave=no no.
Lacefront= no no
"wash n go"- no no
braidouts/twistouts/braids/coil outs= no no. It is evident that textured is not what your boss is looking for.

If it were me, I perfect rollersetting and saran wrapping.

 

[lux10023]

we live in a very shallow visual world..its actually nice that your boss kept it honest with you and told you what is holding you back from a promotion...versus having you sitting there for yrs not getting promoted

there r ppl that dont have a job..and its a debate over whether or not you should bun or no bun for a promotion---smh
and if a bun is keeping you from a promotion----i would have my hair blown out sraight until i get the promotion---isnt that what we work for--to move up....

honey--do what you wanna do..im just sayn...
a hairstyle could neveeeeeeeeer keep me from making more benjamins..lol...
if they asked you to shave your hair now that would be something to be shocked over--a bun

a bun

 

[R4L]

I am so sorry this happened to you. I can tell you that I experience a similar issue young in my career.

How you handle this is going to be based on your experience in the workplace. Here are some options you might consider . . .

Option 1 - Thank her for her feedback, then tactfully remind your boss that her statements are illegal and discriminatory. Let her know that your hard work, diligence, and commitment to your job are what qualifies you for a promotion - not your hair. Then explain to her that if she considers you a strong enough employee to promote, she should know that your excellent record will only benefit her in the long run. After all, why would she want to promote someone of less talent, just because she liked their hair?

Option 2 - Thank her fer her feedback. Change your hair, get the promotion, and then go back to wearing you hair the way you always do (or not).

Option 3 - Make an appointment with HR and do number 1 in the HR offices.

If your hair does not prohibit you from doing your job in a safe, sanitary, and productive way then she has no right to make those statements. She sounds incredibly immature with little work experience behind her. She probably thinks she is helping you. If I am wrong in that statement and she is an experienced women making those comments, then option 3 would be my choice.

Whatever you decide to do, you must do the right thing for YOU - not her and not a job. Jobs come and go, but our esteem stays with us. You have to step back from the situation, assess, and decide based on you.

In this economy, going to HR over some hair will get you branded as not being a team player. Fair or not, that's reality. Figure out if standing up for your right to wear your hair how you want is more important, or getting ahead is more important.

Plenty of white chicks have curly hair and blow dry it and flat iron it every morning. SUCK. IT. UP.

 

[CherryCherryBoomBoom]

How strange, I thought buns were professional?

 

[Crackers Phinn]

It's not about whether her buns are professional, neat or attractive. The fact is buns for some reason are not part of her work culture. If buns were THE accepted hairstyle she could be wearing her hair down looking fly & professional but still not fitting in. Some places of business think buns are hairstyles worn when you didn't wash your hair i.e. haven't taken enough effort. It doesn't make it a universal fact- it's just that particular culture.

Bosses look at how well their employees embrace their environment & represent them. If someone isn't fitting in, then they question how long they will last & whether they should invest in & promote that person. OP's boss is doing her a favor to make sure she's not passed over since other people higher up probably also get a say in her promotion.
Good luck OP!

I don't think that folks are 'getting' that this is the point.

Buns being a professional hairstyle is not a universal truth when your professional enviornment is anti-buns.

 

[jada1111]

How strange, I thought buns were professional?

I did too. Who knew they were considered "unkempt", "unprofessional", "messy" and all around ugly. There fotkis and youtube videos to disprove this - THANKFULLY.

I don't know if the OP is doing this, but just because you're NATURAL doesn't mean you do NOTHING to your hair. You still need to use styling products and put the same type of care into it that you would do if you were relaxed.

Nothing's changed. Neatness, proper moisture and sheen is STILL necessary no matter WHAT style you do.

 

[sharifeh]

i cant believe that in 2010, hair is standing in the way of a promotion. Gender wise and "race" wise, I find that appalling.

I find it appaling too. I'm so sorry OP. You are in a ridiculous position, you really are,

But I agree with the rollersetting, if you are a type 3, then that can straighten your hair and make it look really nice. le sigh

 

[cutenss]

This thread is so ironic because I work at a hospital, and I just had a patient tell me last night that I had "pretty" hair. She told me that not everyone can pull all their hair back of there face like me. And yes my hair was in a bun. And to me, not one of my best buns. And all of this while I was drawing her blood. Hang in there OP, and do what is best for you.

It is so when people are determined to force their beliefs on you. Can't everybody just do them, and accepts others for it?

 

[yods]

Honestly op, it sounds to me like your boss just wants you to look a bit more fashion forward.

Have you looked at the ponytail rollersetting threads around here? Or ever tried braid/twist outs? Look on youtube and perfect the style that most appeals to you while stepping up the DC and moisturising rather than using direct heat daily since you are uncomfortable with this. A twist out for example can last a few days down then maybe you can have a day or two of messy buns, see curly nikki's site for some ideas. I don't really think it is all or nothing type scenario.

Now if she had a problem with curly styles as well then it is a whole diff issue nothing to do with your hair

 

[AfroKink]

I can't keep up with this thread. Has the OP posted pics of her bun yet?

 

[ctosha]

I have not read through all 15 pages but as long as your hair is in a professional manner which I would think a bun is then there is nothing wrong with that. That is as professional as it gets. It is not hindering your job performance in any way maybe there is some underlying reason why she is requesting this of you. Have you asked her to expand on the fact that your hair is supposedly impacting your performance? Also you might want to take this to HR

 

[Rastafarai]

I did too. Who knew they were considered "unkempt", "unprofessional", "messy" and all around ugly. There fotkis and youtube videos to disprove this - THANKFULLY.

I don't know if the OP is doing this, but just because you're NATURAL doesn't mean you do NOTHING to your hair. You still need to use styling products and put the same type of care into it that you would do if you were relaxed.

Nothing's changed. Neatness, proper moisture and sheen is STILL necessary no matter WHAT style you do.

Mmmhmmm. I'm sure OP's bun wasn't all that hideous. But you know how natural hair can be. For some naturals, flyaways are unavoidable no matter how much products you use to slick it in place.

And a little flyaway here and there can appear as "unkempt" or "wild" (ie militant ) by an outsider looking in.

 

[discobiscuits]

i really need to see your hair in this bun of yours. but based on your op, it seems like everyone is telling you that your bun simply does not look good on you.

as for "unprofessional" i disagree i wear buns or cornrows daily and i interact with local and us gubmint officials from the WH on down to plain ol city council. i feel that a neat, pretty bun is practical, easy to maintain and obviously professional.

school marms been doing it for yeeeeeeeears.

it may be your bun is unkempt or unflattering to your face or something.

my 2c: play her hair game till u get the promotion and then go back to bunning.

if u r natural or transitioning, bun your hair. slick down the top/front, cover tightly with a satin scarf till it dries and you have no fly-aways or roots, just neat waves.

 

[jada1111]

Mmmhmmm. I'm sure OP's bun wasn't all that hideous. But you know how natural hair can be. For some naturals, flyaways are unavoidable no matter how much products you use to slick it in place.

And a little flyaway here and there can appear as "unkempt" or "wild" (ie militant ) by an outsider looking in.

I don't believe it's that bad either Rasta.

There is a distate for natural and curly caucasian hair by many people period.

I've never seen a "messy" bun. Like just how messed up could a bun be?? You throw it back, brush it down with some water, gel, wax, whatever, secure the end, tie it down with a scarf for a few minutes, then your good to go!

But like you said, a coupla flyaways is enough for "some" people to get into a tizzy (especially when it comes to afro-textured hair).

 

[thehairmaverick]

I agree. Everyone has to change their look for work. What's wrong with a wig? You can work out, avoid heat, and protective style all in one.

It says a lot to me that even your parents agree with her.

You say that a lot of clients like you because of your personality despite the fact that you're not fixed up as nicely as everyone else, well why not go all the way? Have your personality and your attire working on your side and go as far as you can.

White women don't wake up instantly glam either, they put a lot of work into that straight hair.

This is true. I had three white rommates: one with curly hair(I could tell she hated it), one with straight hair(she had a pink flat-iron which she used everyday...I never knew why until she spelled it out FRIZZ) and the last one that used a curling iron everyday. Although we may have different textures than yts, trust me, they can't wake up and go either! And some can't wash and go!

btw, I did have a korean roommate once...she never did anything to her hair and it looked nice, wash and gos and when she woke up she brushed for half a sec and left for class (i'm sure this doesn't help w/ your boss being Korean...sorry)

 

[imaccami]

This is true. I had three white rommates: one with curly hair(I could tell she hated it), one with straight hair(she had a pink flat-iron which she used everyday...I never knew why until she spelled it out FRIZZ) and the last one that used a curling iron everyday. Although we may have different textures than yts, trust me, they can wake up and go either! And some can't wash and go!

btw, I did have a korean roommate once...she never did anything to her hair and it looked nice, wash and gos and when she woke up she brushed for half a sec and left for class (i'm sure this doesn't help w/ your boss being Korean...sorry)

Yep. Every white woman I know washes her hair every morning, blow dries/air dries, flat irons, and then either curls it or uses hot rollers on it. If they want to get any kind of lift or volume they have to add all kinds of additional steps.

On youtube you can search "morning routine" and you can see all the things that white women do to their hair before they leave the house. They don't just wake up, toss their heads, and go.

 

[guudhair]

In response to your question, I would suggest roller sets, flexirods, and/or french rolls...there are may yt tutorials to learn how to do these styles...there are plenty ladies on this board who wear these styles and other styles with thier hair out on a regular basis and still maintain healthy tresses...the key is low manipulation and moisture, regardless of style.

I would like to know why is it that you spend more time on your hair/appearance when you go out with friends and not as much or the same amount of time when going to work?...if ALL of the women you work with are bringing their A-game on appearances, why aren't you?...I don't think it matters that you are the only black person there...and I don't think I would have been offened by my boss tellling me that (depending on the setting) or my family...at least they told you...it's called constructive criticism.

Every bun is not created equal and just like many other things, it's not "one size fits all"...someone telling us they wear a "bun" to work does not automatically equate to a "professional" look...I've seen plenty jacked up buns...and plenty of professional buns...I'll see if I can find some later tonight.

Are you gonna post a pic of your normal everyday work bun?