Relaxed Hair Thread

[ScorpioLove]

3 more weeks till I am 8 weeks post and relax my hair again. Life is going to be very busy for me again soon (good reasons mostly), and I will be happy to just have straight hair and get curly wigs if the desire arises. I cut out a bunch of ssks a few months ago and these things are creeping back in like they are residents.

I got a close up of henna over my grays and I thought it was cool. I havent hennaed since I relaxed but I wish I could find time to and add some weight to the hair.


Newer gray without henna

 

[Plushottie]

Y’all in here doing CDC level hair analysis like y’all taking clients?

 

[ScorpioLove]

@Plushottie one of my alternate paths in life would’ve been as a cosmetic chemist but after I graduated(biochem) the realization of the very low salary for life was a major turn off. I wish this world compensated researchers better. It’s impossible to get funding for “frivolous” projects so it all up to industry to pay for them.

 

[Plushottie]

@ScorpioLove All I see is a booming possibilities and I feel with more folks wanting to create their own stuff the need for independent scientist is real. I mean y’all mix concoctions for hair often.

 

[demlew]

@ScorpioLove I'm fascinated by the henna close-up. I've used henna for years, so it's awesome to see it up close. It looks like abstract wall art!

 

[demlew]

For everyone: Help please! I've accidentally stretched past my normal timeframe and I don't know what I'm doing lol

I need advice on how to keep my new growth moisturized, pls.
My last relaxer was Dec 15th.
@sunnieb - You showed a close-up of your new growth once and it looked like tiny twists - like you'd done it on purpose (OT - it was really pretty ). I think mine is close to that.

I'm low porosity, probably because I've used henna for years. I've been using Sunny Isle Knot Free Forever leave-in and it's awesome, but I need something else. JBCO used to irritate my scalp up until 2 months ago, so I don't want to overuse it.

I usually relax at 10-12 weeks, which would've been in March. BUT I went through a stressful life event where I had to find a new place to live; I sank into depression and stopped paying attention to myself. I feel like that isolated storm has passed, but I haven't unpacked all the boxes so Idk where my relaxer bag is! It has a tub of Affirm lye + the line of shampoo/conditioner AND Olaplex. That's mainly why I haven't gone yet-my hair lady only has no-lye products and I don't want to spend $150 replacing stuff I know I have somewhere. I work from home and I work 2nd shift (1pm-12am), so I think I need to moisturize in the daytime so that I don't sleep with damp new growth that will become matted.

I'm allergic to peppermint oil, but I'm open to suggestions on care or products. TIA!

 

[MzSwift]

For everyone: Help please! I've accidentally stretched past my normal timeframe and I don't know what I'm doing lol

I need advice on how to keep my new growth moisturized, pls.
My last relaxer was Dec 15th.
@sunnieb - You showed a close-up of your new growth once and it looked like tiny twists - like you'd done it on purpose (OT - it was really pretty ). I think mine is close to that.

I'm low porosity, probably because I've used henna for years. I've been using Sunny Isle Knot Free Forever leave-in and it's awesome, but I need something else. JBCO used to irritate my scalp up until 2 months ago, so I don't want to overuse it.

I usually relax at 10-12 weeks, which would've been in March. BUT I went through a stressful life event where I had to find a new place to live; I sank into depression and stopped paying attention to myself. I feel like that isolated storm has passed, but I haven't unpacked all the boxes so Idk where my relaxer bag is! It has a tub of Affirm lye + the line of shampoo/conditioner AND Olaplex. That's mainly why I haven't gone yet-my hair lady only has no-lye products and I don't want to spend $150 replacing stuff I know I have somewhere. I work from home and I work 2nd shift (1pm-12am), so I think I need to moisturize in the daytime so that I don't sleep with damp new growth that will become matted.

I'm allergic to peppermint oil, but I'm open to suggestions on care or products. TIA!

First, ((BIG HUG)) to you!!! I'm happy to hear that your storm has passed. Feel free to stop in for more hugs whenever you need them bc it can definitely help!!

Absolutely the key for long stretching for me is to keep my NG extra moisturized! Water is the best moisturizer for my hair so I usually have a spray bottle or pointed tip applicator bottle filled with 90% water and some other stuff. And use it daily - sometimes twice a day if you need to! Old school water+condish+oil in a spray bottle has been my staple moisturizer for my whole HHJ!

The other key is leaving your hair in no or low manipulation styles until you relax. In the old days, ladies used to rock their hair out for the first 8 weeks or so and then fall back to wigs/weaves/extensions for the remainder of their stretch. Some ladies can even get away with wet or dry bunning until they relax. My hair is not set up for bunning with a lot of NG. Lol. I prefer to do cornrows and small braids with my own hair. Low manipulation is also an active way to protect the line of demarcation. Doing a light-mild protein treatment biweekly can also help strengthen the line.

Sounds like you're home a lot, I am too! Keeping my hair tied up under a satin scarf or satin skull cap + bandana, keeps my hair from moving and tangling. You could soak your roots with your moisturizer in the morning and then tie your hair down for the rest of the day. That has become my favorite low maintenance routine over these past few years. And, like you said, then you're not sleeping on damp hair.

HTH! ((HUG))

 

[Evolving78]

@demlew
You gotta open those boxes. And wash and deep condition your hair. That will bring the moisture.

 

[MzSwift]

That just made me realize that I've been posting more of my PSs and processes in other threads/challenges and not in here. I think it is helpful for relaxed ladies to show how we care for our hair in between relaxer days. We can see which processes work and which don't. Maybe even identify some common practices that lead to long, strong relaxed hair!

I'm gonna try to remember to post my updates in here too when I update my other threads.

My last relaxer was Dec 28th and I plan to relax again the weekend of June 28th. I installed small braids on May 19th and I plan to stay in them until my next relaxer.



I have not been DCing regularly since 2020. My goal is to improve that to every 2-3 weeks. My hair has been happy with the Ayurveda mixes I use in all of my steps so I haven't seen any issues. BUT I know my hair can be improved by regular DCing with heat.

This is the DC I currently use whenever I get around to DCing.

 

[Theresamonet]

I don’t really moisturize my NG any differently than my relaxed ends, but I do make sure that I am moisturizing everything thoroughly. I see some people (my sister ) just squirt some product into their hands and haphazardly apply all over their heads. I don’t do that. I separate my hair into quads, and then I breakdown those sections into thirds. I apply my moisturizer to my relaxed ends first, massaging it into the length. I then take more product and massage it directly into the new growth. Finally, I seal the whole section with an oil. This keeps my entire head moisturized for days, but I don’t wait until it’s dried out to moisturize it again. I do it at least every other day. If life gets in the way, and it’s been a few days, then I will spray everything with a liquid leave-in or plain water before doing the above process.

I also wash and DC weekly, that’s the starting point for my moisture routine. I’ve found that for my hair, waiting 2-3 weeks between washes allows my hair to dry out internally, and nothing I put on top remedies that.

 

[sunnieb]

@demlew I'm 12 weeks post, so you got me curious about my newgrowth.

This texture is courtesy of my dad:


I make sure to massage all my products and moisturizers down to the newgrowth. Weekly regular dcs and honey dcs also help me with moisture retention. My hair is naturally dry.

 

[demlew]

@MzSwift @Evolving78 @sunnieb @Theresamonet

Thank you all for the hugs and sound advice. I'm a little teary as I type this (yay for not being numb for a bit lol).

I've seen the Vatika egg protein before, but wasn't sure if my hair would like it since henna is protein-ish for me and I try to henna 1x/mth. And sunnieb, I've been adding honey to my DCs for the past year because of your posts

And thank you, Evolving78 - you're right! It's time to unpack...

 

[LushLox]

I find I don't need to moisturise that often. My hair really holds onto the moisture from my wash. But I will typically do a full on moisture and seal once between wash days and that seems to work fine for me. My hair doesn't seem to like when I apply too much.

My work is largely remote now, so I spend good parts of my days in my silk turban or just in a loose bun.

 

[LushLox]

@demlew
I'm sorry to hear that you're having a tough time. I would hazard a guess that most of us have dealt with depression in some form or other. I think it's only natural that as people we go through difficult periods; we don't all respond to difficulty in the same way - that's fine it's just a factor of life.

I'm glad that you're taking an interest in you again. I would suggest that you take your time and don't overwhelm yourself. And most of all don't be too hard on yourself or feel like you've let yourself down.

 

[demlew]

@demlew
I'm sorry to hear that you're having a tough time. I would hazard a guess that most of us have dealt with depression in some form or other. I think it's only natural that as people we go through difficult periods; we don't all respond to difficulty in the same way - that's fine it's just a factor of life.

I'm glad that you're taking an interest in you again. I would suggest that you take your time and don't overwhelm yourself. And most of all don't be too hard on yourself or feel like you've let yourself down.

Ugh there I go being teary again! People really walk feeling stuff all the time?

Thank you for the kind words. I once had a psych tell me that many didn't survive what I've been through, so I pat myself on the back all the time!

I'm really thankful for all of you.

 

[Theresamonet]

It’s time for my quarterly panic attack!

Im relaxing my hair tomorrow.

 

[Plushottie]

@demlew sending lots of love your way, I truly hope you are taking your time and are surrounded by light. I’m dealing with similar emotions and self upkeep is always the first to go esp when one works bc energy conservation. Its like battery saver mode.

@Theresamonet you are a scientist which is why you don’t haphazardly do anything.

Y’all really are a beautiful bunch of ladies. Thank you for being here.

 

[Plushottie]

Ok I have questions and I apologize in advance if this comes off hard I’m just very frustrated and embarrassed about this and wanted to ask questions before I just hack it off.

So tangles and ssk are due to what imbalance? I just washed my hair after 2 weeks and noticed a lot of knots and much more hair loss. I don’t wear my hair out at all. It’s under a wig or bonnet. My hair is often dry I try to spritz it with some water or moisture leave in every few days. I’m prob almost a yr post. I did a light dusting today and blow dryed it. I was trying to air dry the last few times but felt my hair felt rough.

My frustrations which is length retention bc of my age I should have a handle on hair and now that I’m aging more rapidly I’m toying with just shaving it and permanently do wigs since that’s all that looks ok. Again I’m extremely frustrated so I don’t have space for faux positive as this makes me beyond embarrassed as I do not like asking for help and this may require outside help which def will have me at Walmart buying clippers.

Any thoughts are welcome. Thank you

 

[Theresamonet]

Ok I have questions and I apologize in advance if this comes off hard I’m just very frustrated and embarrassed about this and wanted to ask questions before I just hack it off.

So tangles and ssk are due to what imbalance? I just washed my hair after 2 weeks and noticed a lot of knots and much more hair loss. I don’t wear my hair out at all. It’s under a wig or bonnet. My hair is often dry I try to spritz it with some water or moisture leave in every few days. I’m prob almost a yr post. I did a light dusting today and blow dryed it. I was trying to air dry the last few times but felt my hair felt rough.

My frustrations which is length retention bc of my age I should have a handle on hair and now that I’m aging more rapidly I’m toying with just shaving it and permanently do wigs since that’s all that looks ok. Again I’m extremely frustrated so I don’t have space for faux positive as this makes me beyond embarrassed as I do not like asking for help and this may require outside help which def will have me at Walmart buying clippers.

Any thoughts are welcome. Thank you

Why are you 1 year post-relaxer? Are you planning to transition to natural?

I think all of the issues you’re experiencing could be attributed to stretching for that long. My hair starts to get tangled around 12 weeks post-relaxer. My new growth starts to coil and interlock with other strands, essentially playing double dutch with my relaxed ends. This creates tangles and SSKs. I’ve also lost hair trying to manage this. Everyone’s natural curl pattern and behavior is different, making how each individual’s hair responds to stretching unique. For me, going that long isn’t worth it. Why don’t you try relaxing your hair before it becomes difficult to manage? For me, that point is around the 12-week mark.

I’d say the same if you are texlaxed. I’ve learned over the years that if I leave too much texture, I experience most of the same difficulties as when I’m natural. So, I guess the crux of what I’m saying is, if you’re going to be relaxed, then relax your hair. Lol.

Also, I know you asked for no faux positivity, but I don’t do faux anything… There is literally nothing to be embarrassed about. Knowing how to grow hair has literally nothing to do with age. And we are all literally on this forum to learn about hair, ask questions, give advice, and share resources. So, don’t let embarrassment and personal shame stop you from asking questions and getting what you want. Closed mouths don’t get fed. No one here is judging you.

 

[MzSwift]

@Plushottie

((BIG HUG))

OK, let's brainstorm!!

Tangles and SSKs are signs of multiple things so we'll have to flesh out a lot in order to get to the bottom of it. MY initial thoughts are:

1) It sounds to me like your hair is dry

Some ppl can moisturize their hair once week and wash and DC biweekly with no problem. Some ppl, like me, HAVE to moisturize daily and sometimes twice a day to stay ahead of dryness. No amount of DCing with heat, gives my hair enough moisture to last. After 2+ days, my hair is seeking water/moisture. Once I listen to her, my hair turned around for the better. Perhaps your hair is telling you the same thing.

That's why I was saying in the other thread to find a way to incorporate M&Sing daily. If you cut to every other day or every few days, then it's harder to establish the HABIT of doing it and easier to skip doing it on that 2nd or 3rd day bc you won't feel like it. BUT if you make it a habit to do it, before you put on your wig or right before you do your makeup for the day, then it becomes easier to do it without thinking about it.

Maybe focus on developing a moisture-rich regi. Use only moisturizing products in all of your steps. Cycle in some protein via a shampoo, a DC or a leave in biweekly or so. My favorite is Infusium 23 original formula. I use it as a leave in along with cholesterol conditioner to cornrow my hair.

2) Consider GHEing at night under your scarf. It's a great way increase moisture without doing anything! You don't even have to apply anything to your hair before you put on that plastic cap. You can do it at night or during the day. Just plop it on and cover with your scarf or a cute turban.

3) I wonder if your hair could benefit from a good chelating.

Sometimes there are extra minerals either from the relaxer used, the water in the area or even the water fixtures in the home that will require you to have to chelate more often. Chelating can fix hair that sticks together and then knots up.

4) If you're almost a year post, your hair very delicate right now.

HOW you handle it while you're styling matters. And you have to consider the type of style you're trying to do with one year of new growth and a delicate line of demarcation where your relaxed hair is meeting your natural hair. You can't manipulate the hair as much when you have that much new growth! I wouldn't dare attempt a blow out with one year's worth of ng.

Also, perhaps your hair doesn't wanna stretch relaxers that long! I've seen so many transitioning ladies cut before they intend to bc the two textures interfere with each other. They also complain that their hair sheds more the longer they stretch. Your hair might be telling you that it's time to poop or get off of the pot! Relax or cut! lol

5) Do everything in braids!

It's a trick I learned when I was natural and I carried it into my relaxed HHJ. I wash, DC, M&S and even style in braids. It's especially important if you're doing long stretches like that - even unintentionally stretching. The longer it's been, the more delicate you have to be when doing your hair. If my hair is loose, I wash in two braided pigtails with loose roots or four plaits with loose roots (if my hair is short). I DC in those same braids. I only take them down after my hair is at least 50-80% dry and then I M&S and style.

6) I would absolutely do a search on wigs and retention on here!!

I said in the other thread that the most astonishing before and afters or progress photos I've EVER seen on the hair boards have been wig and weave ladies. Sometimes braids ladies too but they don't compare to the wigs and weaves when it comes to retention results. I recommended it in the other thread and I had every intention of helping you with that once I'm off work in the morning (My on-call weekend shift is Fri eve - Mon morn). I meant what I said. Finding what works for you might take some digging but we'll find it!!

7) Let's find some short cuts that will work for you!

When we're not in a good place mentally, we need at least one style or technique or something that we can do with minimal effort.

My short cut is Ayurveda. I mix up my products when I'm in a good mental place so that when I'm not, my hair doesn't suffer. I have also been able to cut out DCing bc the herbs and powders provide my hair the nutrients I need.

Water rinsing is another shortcut for me. I do it while I'm in the shower and it relaxes me mentally. When I get out I slather on a condish and/or an oil and that's it. I also cover my hair right away bc my hair won't air-dry soft if I leave it out in the actual air. lol. But if I tie it down with a scarf to dry, then it dries softer.

One of my other short cuts used to be dry DCing. I would just slather on the DC without taking my hair out of the style it's in. And then cover with a plastic cap and a scarf or cap. I would even sleep in it sometimes. And I would just rinse it out in the next shower I took.

I've seen ppl combine shampoo and condish in the same step. Style wise, two braided pigtails could fit under a wig just as well as cornrows. Maybe it's curly wigs for that week or something to hide any lumps.

Now, on to the questions:

What do you wash your hair with?
HOW do you wash your hair?
Do you follow with DC?
What DC do you use?
How do you DC?
Do you DC with heat?
If your hair is braided under the wigs, could some of that hair coming out actually be shed hair?
How do you moisturize your hair?
Are you taking any multivitamins?
How's your stress?

It might seem like the task is impossible or your hair is just the worst but that's not true!! I always feel bad when I see ladies who've been struggling on here for so long to find what works. It WILL click. You WILL find it.

For those of us who struggle with periods where mental health kicks our butt, we've got to give ourselves a break! Find a style that you can fall back on during those times and ride it out. ((HUG))

 

[Plushottie]

Why are you 1 year post-relaxer? Are you planning to transition to natural?

I think all of the issues you’re experiencing could be attributed to stretching for that long. My hair starts to get tangled around 12 weeks post-relaxer. My new growth starts to coil and interlock with other strands, essentially playing double dutch with my relaxed ends. This creates tangles and SSKs. I’ve also lost hair trying to manage this. Everyone’s natural curl pattern and behavior is different, making how each individual’s hair responds to stretching unique. For me, going that long isn’t worth it. Why don’t you try relaxing your hair before it becomes difficult to manage? For me, that point is around the 12-week mark.

I’d say the same if you are texlaxed. I’ve learned over the years that if I leave too much texture, I experience most of the same difficulties as when I’m natural. So, I guess the crux of what I’m saying is, if you’re going to be relaxed, then relax your hair. Lol.

Also, I know you asked for no faux positivity, but I don’t do faux anything… There is literally nothing to be embarrassed about. Knowing how to grow hair has literally nothing to do with age. And we are all literally on this forum to learn about hair, ask questions, give advice, and share resources. So, don’t let embarrassment and personal shame stop you from asking questions and getting what you want. Closed mouths don’t get fed. No one here is judging you.

I didn’t expect to stretch this long but winter hit then depression hit and I’m like well I’m under wigs so why not wait. Now I may have to go ahead and relax.

I just think you’re nearly 40 by now you should know how to make your hair be ok. Thank you for grace.

 

[MzSwift]

I didn’t expect to stretch this long but winter hit then depression hit and I’m like well I’m under wigs so why not wait. Now I may have to go ahead and relax.

I just think you’re nearly 40 by now you should know how to make your hair be ok. Thank you for grace.

Oh yeah, you're absolutely being hard on yourself! The stuff that we've learned on these hair boards is not and has not been common knowledge for most of our lives! If it were, most Black women would be walking around with healthier and/or longer hair.
There's no reason that you should automatically know this stuff. But you have to ability to find what you need to know to your advantage

 

[ScorpioLove]

@Plushottie everyone’s advice is great- just want to add that tangles and ssks have been my life’s story except for when I was bonelaxed. I think there’s many in the same boat with naturally tight curls and it takes more conscious effort for us to overcome the challenge. For me it’s my naturally really high shrinkage, natural high porosity, and naturally very tangly hair. I mitigate it with detangling products and search and destroy when I can but it’s still an issue. You’re definitely not alone in not having figured it all out

 

[Plushottie]

@Plushottie

((BIG HUG))

OK, let's brainstorm!!

Tangles and SSKs are signs of multiple things so we'll have to flesh out a lot in order to get to the bottom of it. MY initial thoughts are:

1) It sounds to me like your hair is dry

Some ppl can moisturize their hair once week and wash and DC biweekly with no problem. Some ppl, like me, HAVE to moisturize daily and sometimes twice a day to stay ahead of dryness. No amount of DCing with heat, gives my hair enough moisture to last. After 2+ days, my hair is seeking water/moisture. Once I listen to her, my hair turned around for the better. Perhaps your hair is telling you the same thing.

That's why I was saying in the other thread to find a way to incorporate M&Sing daily. If you cut to every other day or every few days, then it's harder to establish the HABIT of doing it and easier to skip doing it on that 2nd or 3rd day bc you won't feel like it. BUT if you make it a habit to do it, before you put on your wig or right before you do your makeup for the day, then it becomes easier to do it without thinking about it.

Maybe focus on developing a moisture-rich regi. Use only moisturizing products in all of your steps. Cycle in some protein via a shampoo, a DC or a leave in biweekly or so. My favorite is Infusium 23 original formula. I use it as a leave in along with cholesterol conditioner to cornrow my hair.

2) Consider GHEing at night under your scarf. It's a great way increase moisture without doing anything! You don't even have to apply anything to your hair before you put on that plastic cap. You can do it at night or during the day. Just plop it on and cover with your scarf or a cute turban.

3) I wonder if your hair could benefit from a good chelating.

Sometimes there are extra minerals either from the relaxer used, the water in the area or even the water fixtures in the home that will require you to have to chelate more often. Chelating can fix hair that sticks together and then knots up.

4) If you're almost a year post, your hair very delicate right now.

HOW you handle it while you're styling matters. And you have to consider the type of style you're trying to do with one year of new growth and a delicate line of demarcation where your relaxed hair is meeting your natural hair. You can't manipulate the hair as much when you have that much new growth! I wouldn't dare attempt a blow out with one year's worth of ng.

Also, perhaps your hair doesn't wanna stretch relaxers that long! I've seen so many transitioning ladies cut before they intend to bc the two textures interfere with each other. They also complain that their hair sheds more the longer they stretch. Your hair might be telling you that it's time to poop or get off of the pot! Relax or cut! lol

5) Do everything in braids!

It's a trick I learned when I was natural and I carried it into my relaxed HHJ. I wash, DC, M&S and even style in braids. It's especially important if you're doing long stretches like that - even unintentionally stretching. The longer it's been, the more delicate you have to be when doing your hair. If my hair is loose, I wash in two braided pigtails with loose roots or four plaits with loose roots (if my hair is short). I DC in those same braids. I only take them down after my hair is at least 50-80% dry and then I M&S and style.

6) I would absolutely do a search on wigs and retention on here!!

I said in the other thread that the most astonishing before and afters or progress photos I've EVER seen on the hair boards have been wig and weave ladies. Sometimes braids ladies too but they don't compare to the wigs and weaves when it comes to retention results. I recommended it in the other thread and I had every intention of helping you with that once I'm off work in the morning (My on-call weekend shift is Fri eve - Mon morn). I meant what I said. Finding what works for you might take some digging but we'll find it!!

7) Let's find some short cuts that will work for you!

When we're not in a good place mentally, we need at least one style or technique or something that we can do with minimal effort.

My short cut is Ayurveda. I mix up my products when I'm in a good mental place so that when I'm not, my hair doesn't suffer. I have also been able to cut out DCing bc the herbs and powders provide my hair the nutrients I need.

Water rinsing is another shortcut for me. I do it while I'm in the shower and it relaxes me mentally. When I get out I slather on a condish and/or an oil and that's it. I also cover my hair right away bc my hair won't air-dry soft if I leave it out in the actual air. lol. But if I tie it down with a scarf to dry, then it dries softer.

One of my other short cuts used to be dry DCing. I would just slather on the DC without taking my hair out of the style it's in. And then cover with a plastic cap and a scarf or cap. I would even sleep in it sometimes. And I would just rinse it out in the next shower I took.

I've seen ppl combine shampoo and condish in the same step. Style wise, two braided pigtails could fit under a wig just as well as cornrows. Maybe it's curly wigs for that week or something to hide any lumps.

Now, on to the questions:

What do you wash your hair with?
HOW do you wash your hair?
Do you follow with DC?
What DC do you use?
How do you DC?
Do you DC with heat?
If your hair is braided under the wigs, could some of that hair coming out actually be shed hair?
How do you moisturize your hair?
Are you taking any multivitamins?
How's your stress?

It might seem like the task is impossible or your hair is just the worst but that's not true!! I always feel bad when I see ladies who've been struggling on here for so long to find what works. It WILL click. You WILL find it.

For those of us who struggle with periods where mental health kicks our butt, we've got to give ourselves a break! Find a style that you can fall back on during those times and ride it out. ((HUG))

I meant when I said you are my sister bc I had to step away at first glance. Thank you.

What do you wash your hair with? It varies but I try to use my hard water poo and treatment at least once a month I wash biweekly.

HOW do you wash your hair? Loose bc in past washing in braids when I undid them my hair was a tangling bad.

Do you follow with DC? Most times like more times than not even if it’s my 5 min redken dc.

What DC do you use? It varies mostly shescentit dc moisture ones and some balancing. I also use Redken acidic dc

How do you DC? Pop it on, finger comb and sit under my heat cap or if I’m up to sitting the steamer.
Do you DC with heat? Not if I’m doing the 5 min one. But others yes. I feel like I’m doing it wrong if I don’t use heat lol.
If your hair is braided under the wigs, could some of that hair coming out actually be shed hair? Normally I would say yes but today it was a lot more than normal. Not a handful bc then I would be scared but def a good ball.

How do you moisturize your hair? A few times a week

Are you taking any multivitamins? Not a multi but I do take collagen. My nails which are typically wimpy are growing strong so it’s puzzling.


How's your stress? I prob should be under a licensed therapist care.

I’m making my relaxer prep for 2 weeks so I can get this together. I def don’t want to be natural again my hair is reminding me of that time.

 

[Plushottie]

@Plushottie everyone’s advice is great- just want to add that tangles and ssks have been my life’s story except for when I was bonelaxed. I think there’s many in the same boat with naturally tight curls and it takes more conscious effort for us to overcome the challenge. For me it’s my naturally really high shrinkage, natural high porosity, and naturally very tangly hair. I mitigate it with detangling products and search and destroy when I can but it’s still an issue. You’re definitely not alone in not having figured it all out

Thank you for this because this may be part of the course and when I relax I may need to really make sure it’s straight not bone but much less texture.

 

[Theresamonet]

I didn’t expect to stretch this long but winter hit then depression hit and I’m like well I’m under wigs so why not wait. Now I may have to go ahead and relax.

I just think you’re nearly 40 by now you should know how to make your hair be ok. Thank you for grace.

Have you seen the hair of most 40-year-olds in the wild? Girl, most 40-year-olds don’t have long, healthy hair. Social media may make you think so, but that’s a false reality. Not only are healthy hair care practices not common knowledge, but middle age is when most women start to experience real issues with their hair, be it age-related, hormonal, or due to the stress of serious life struggles. So you are judging yourself very harshly by an imaginary standard.

I know what it’s like to struggle with your hair because of depression. I’ve had too many setbacks to count where the root cause was being too depressed to do anything or to even give AF. My mom has had to come detangle my hair so I wouldn’t have to shave it.

What I’ve learned is that I need to keep my hair in a state that won’t feel too daunting. That’s why I ended up relaxing my hair again. Getting in the shower and washing my relaxed hair is much less intimidating than when I was natural. I think your idea of keeping it hidden under wigs was good, just don’t put off relaxing it for so long, because you are leaving your hair in its most fragile state. Long-term stretch wash days require special care that you don’t really need to deal with. I would try to relax every 12 weeks (or as long as you can go before wash days feel troublesome). Keep it braided under your wigs and moisturized. Wash and deep condition every 2 weeks, and do a protein treatment every other wash.

 

[MzSwift]

Have you seen the hair of most 40-year-olds in the wild? Girl, most 40-year-olds don’t have long, healthy hair. Social media may make you think so, but that’s a false reality. Not only are healthy hair care practices not common knowledge, but middle age is when most women start to experience real issues with their hair, be it age-related, hormonal, or due to the stress of serious life struggles. So you are judging yourself very harshly by an imaginary standard.

I know what it’s like to struggle with your hair because of depression. I’ve had too many setbacks to count where the root cause was being too depressed to do anything or to even give AF. My mom has had to come detangle my hair so I wouldn’t have to shave it.

What I’ve learned is that I need to keep my hair in a state that won’t feel too daunting. That’s why I ended up relaxing my hair again. Getting in the shower and washing my relaxed hair is much less intimidating than when I was natural. I think your idea of keeping it hidden under wigs was good, just don’t put off relaxing it for so long, because you are leaving your hair in its most fragile state. Long-term stretch wash days require special care that you don’t really need to deal with. I would try to relax every 12 weeks (or as long as you can go before wash days feel troublesome). Keep it braided under your wigs and moisturized. Wash and deep condition every 2 weeks, and do a protein treatment every other wash.

Wait a minut ... Did you say "in the wild??"

And, as usual, you are absolutely on point! Hormonal changes sneak up on us and make us doubt everything we thought we knew about ourselves. lol

 

[Plushottie]

Have you seen the hair of most 40-year-olds in the wild? Girl, most 40-year-olds don’t have long, healthy hair. Social media may make you think so, but that’s a false reality. Not only are healthy hair care practices not common knowledge, but middle age is when most women start to experience real issues with their hair, be it age-related, hormonal, or due to the stress of serious life struggles. So you are judging yourself very harshly by an imaginary standard.

I know what it’s like to struggle with your hair because of depression. I’ve had too many setbacks to count where the root cause was being too depressed to do anything or to even give AF. My mom has had to come detangle my hair so I wouldn’t have to shave it.

What I’ve learned is that I need to keep my hair in a state that won’t feel too daunting. That’s why I ended up relaxing my hair again. Getting in the shower and washing my relaxed hair is much less intimidating than when I was natural. I think your idea of keeping it hidden under wigs was good, just don’t put off relaxing it for so long, because you are leaving your hair in its most fragile state. Long-term stretch wash days require special care that you don’t really need to deal with. I would try to relax every 12 weeks (or as long as you can go before wash days feel troublesome). Keep it braided under your wigs and moisturized. Wash and deep condition every 2 weeks, and do a protein treatment every other wash.

I am a weirdo I don’t look at social media esp having been a creator I know a lot smoke and filters lol. I just ladies here who have glorious hair.

I am glad you have a mom who cares bc I have been close to cutting been like we will not do that again. I’m going to relax in the next week or two bc your right if my hair is smooth doing a wash day in shower is a breeze.

 

[Plushottie]

Wait a minut ... Did you say "in the wild??"

And, as usual, you are absolutely on point! Hormonal changes sneak up on us and make us doubt everything we thought we knew about ourselves. lol

That in the wild had my plate at risk of falling. The hormonal part and the stress I’m like ok yes your going through peri but your hair has never been great so is it that or just the same.

 

[MzSwift]

I meant when I said you are my sister bc I had to step away at first glance. Thank you.

What do you wash your hair with? It varies but I try to use my hard water poo and treatment at least once a month I wash biweekly.

HOW do you wash your hair? Loose bc in past washing in braids when I undid them my hair was a tangling bad.

Do you follow with DC? Most times like more times than not even if it’s my 5 min redken dc.

What DC do you use? It varies mostly shescentit dc moisture ones and some balancing. I also use Redken acidic dc

How do you DC? Pop it on, finger comb and sit under my heat cap or if I’m up to sitting the steamer.
Do you DC with heat? Not if I’m doing the 5 min one. But others yes. I feel like I’m doing it wrong if I don’t use heat lol.
If your hair is braided under the wigs, could some of that hair coming out actually be shed hair? Normally I would say yes but today it was a lot more than normal. Not a handful bc then I would be scared but def a good ball.

How do you moisturize your hair? A few times a week

Are you taking any multivitamins? Not a multi but I do take collagen. My nails which are typically wimpy are growing strong so it’s puzzling.


How's your stress? I prob should be under a licensed therapist care.

I’m making my relaxer prep for 2 weeks so I can get this together. I def don’t want to be natural again my hair is reminding me of that time.

Listen, sis, we are gonna find a wig regi that works for YOU! I have no doubt.

I'm taking what @Theresamonet said and I'm gonna raise it - I don't think your can go two weeks in between washings. I think that's what she (your hair) has been trying to tell you. I think you have to wash and DC weekly. You might even have to do a water rinse mid week or something but your hair needs more water than you're giving it.

And I absolutely agree that you can't afford to stretch your relaxers this long anymore!! lol
Until I have time to find some links to old school success stories/trends, here's my little two cents on a possible regi. Take what you want, throw out the rest:

In this simple regi, you only have 4 products and whatever hair oil you like.
-poo
-moisturizing DC
-Protein tx
-daily moisturizing condish

**** Braid up your hair for your wig using your moisturizing deep conditioner. I like Queen Helene cholesterol and I add Infusium 23 for protein. Your hair does NOT have to be freshly washed or anything when you do this. Honestly, that only makes the task more daunting if that's a requirement.

IN YOUR BRAIDS:

1- Pick ONE shampoo and moisturizing DC and use them weekly.

Shampoo is easy. Even if it's stripping, you can recover bc it's not on your hair long. Also, it can be mixed

As for a moisturizing DC make sure you look for the key words you're supposed to see. Usually words like "nourishing" or "hydrating" or its synonyms. Stay away from "repairing" and "strengthening" conditioners, those are proteins.

During your not-so-hot mental days, before your shower, you could also try greasing your dry scalp w your shampoo and rub some into your braids. Then jump in the shower, leather it and rinse it out. Then all you have to do in the shower is slather on your "DC" and cover w a plastic cap/bag while you clean your body and rinse it all off. lol It's a short cut that still gets what you need done. You can also just rinse it out later in the sink if that works better. ORRR, you could just leave it in! It's not gonna hurt your hair.

2- Protein.
If THIS is your Redken 5 min mask, I say to alternate it in (instead of your moisturizing DC) once a month to start. The description says bonding and strengthening. Yes, it also says "hydrating" but IME, products with those other two descriptors are definitely proteins. I'm not sure if it's a light or heavy one. It sounds like some kind of reconstructor to me. Yes, I know relaxed hair needs protein bc protein bonds were broken/weakened BUT when you go overboard, it is HARD to correct. Your hair sounds like protein overload to me. Tangling and clingy hair is also a sign of protein overload. Use it a 2nd time for one month if you feel you need more protein.
Also, it may be the wrong TYPE of protein for your hair. Maybe your hair would do better with a silk protein or like a keratin product. My hair loooves amino acids. I use Braggs amino acids (from the food aisle) after every relaxer with baking soda. And I've used that combo as my go-to protein tx over the years when Motions stopped making CPR in the bottle. That combo also allows me to blow dry or flat iron if I have a lot of new growth.

3- for DAILY moisturizing, find a cheapie moisturizing condish.
Instead of water, try slather your braids with a cheapie condish and then lightly sealing it with an oil each day before you attach your wig.

Hear me out! When this board originated, type 4 ladies were growing BSL, WL, HL hair JUST ON CHEAPIES!!! V05 and Suave were the GODS on the hair boards! That's what attracted me to the hair boards in the first place! bc I was encouraged by seeing these ladies have success using cheapie drug store condishes. Over time, I'm noticing that more and more ladies seem to have hair that "only respond to salon products" or specialty products. And I'm not really seeing that trend correspond with more long haired ladies. We don't have HL or WL challenges anymore like we used to. And that's cool. But we're not seeing ladies reach those really long lengths on here like we used to. There are other variables that could explain that but, in my heart, I feel like it's bc we got away from practicing techniques that grow and retain and drifted toward relying on products to grow and retain. Resulting in ladies constantly switching up products and then blaming the technique for not working.

My personal anecdote is I've learned that technique matters more than product. I've stuck with using cheapies for most of my HHJ and my hair has thrived even through neglect, as someone who has NEVER had long hair before I found the hair boards. What I do is what the old school ladies used to do, which is stick to cheapies and beef up them up with whatever I need to add to my hair at the time. For me, this involves mixing in Ayurveda herbs and powders. For a lot of the old school ladies it involved mixing in EVOO, glycerine, aloe or honey to get what they needed. They used those mixes to DC w heat.

4- Mid-week quick wash

THIS will be your water instead of spritzing it on. I think your hair needs a good soaking instead. Also, I know you were working out at one point. You've gotta regularly clean that salty from sweat off of your scalp too. So midweek, try using your shampoo and condish as one step for a quick wash while you shower!

5- sleep in a satin scarf!

Silk is obviously the best but I don't think you can go wrong w satin. I've personally survived pretty well on satin and don't feel the need to upgrade.
I've tried the whole skip the scarf thing and my hair just wasn't as nice as it is when I scarf up every night. EYE actually alternate between the satin scarf and using a satin men's skull cap with a bandana over it.


BRAID REFRESH TIME!!

Washing more often will likely mean refreshing more often. I play it safe and refresh every 2 weeks. You could probably get away with doing it every 3-4 weeks - which is pretty darn awesome!

*** DO NOT EVER take down your cornrows while wet or damp. AND, don't do it on clean, naked hair. There should be some product in your hair before you take it down. Your should be moisturized from doing your daily M&Sing. And then go ahead and put you some oil in a pointed tip bottle. Drench those braids in the oil and cover with a plastic cap or bag. Do some chores or watch some TV and then about an hour later (or more) you can start taking down your braids.

I take mine down one at a time, detangle and then rebraid it before going on to the next. That way if I don't finish in one sitting, my hair isn't sticking up all over my head. lol. And, yes, I rebraid w cholesterol + Infusium 23.

Once you're done, it's back to your simple regi!

That last step is how I would start this whole process. On "dirty," moisturized hair, do your braid base.