Rock head husband and his lack of support! (RANT)

[Finesse]

I do...if you don't like the kinky hair that comes out of YOUR head or anything similar on your mate, then you have problems with your identity. I didn't want to out right say it but it's called self hate. Luckily if OP decides to go natural her hubby will be able to learn to appreciate the natural beauty of napptural hair which isn't a bad thing.

I don't think it is self hate, identity issues. The man may just like straight hair period. Is that so hard to believe? It's called preference....all of us have them. My hubby is a straight long hair man, and believe me he is soooo in love with himself it borders on egomania OK, he is not that bad, but...... anywhoo, I asked him what he would think about me going natural( not for me, because I love my relaxed hair ) my SIL did and that started the convo....he said if that's what I wanted to do that's fine, but he prefers relaxed hair. His mother is natural, has always been, she has worn a wig ever since I met them...I've been knowing them 22 years, his sister has been relaxed, natural, relaxed, natural .....so that has nothing to do with it. It's his preference. Just like it may the OP's husband.

 

[Southernbella.]

No, I still want to transition. I just will not BC. It makes me happy that he had a change of attitude, but now I don't feel irritated with him. Like I can transition in peace if I want to or relax in peace if I want to.
He's my husband and I just wanted his support daggone it! LOL!

I feel you! I think my dh never had any comments about my transition because I kept it flat ironed.

I remember being really upset when I got my hair pressed for my best friend's wedding. He came by the shop to pick up my kids while I was in the chair, and he apparently thought I got a relaxer. When he dropped the kids off at my sister's, he told her that I finally got a perm and he was so happy. He doesn't know I know that, but that really hurt me.

I think that's the reason a part of me got a tiny bit of satisfaction from doing the BC. I was irritated by how wrapped up he was in the look of my hair (even though I loved the look of my hair then. Wierd contradiction.)

 

[Christa438]

What? I just said that style is not appealing to me... not that all natural hair is not. Oh dear ....

ITA. Those styles don't appeal to me either. Im attracted to men with short cuts. When SO had a bald head I was like and when he had a low cut I was still so attracted to him, something happens to me when he sexily runs his hands sexily over his head of low cut hair. and something also happens to me when he licks his lips...but back to the discussion... if he wanted to rock a fro, I be like . Personally I don't care for it. I know what I like. That's what Im attracted to and I really can't help it. That is also what Im used to seeing in my family. One of my grandpas is the only one who rocks a fro. So I guess maybe that's why I don't want to see it--don't need him reminding me of old pa-pa . But if SO really wanted to grow longer hair for braids or locs one day, I might be open to it only out of love though. (He did mention it not too long ago once though) I do find long locs/braids kinda sexy on some men that I've seen pictures of or seen in movies...I can't help but wonder if it will look as good on him as on others, I can't see it right now .

 

[PeggyFair]

I
I remember being really upset when I got my hair pressed for my best friend's wedding. He came by the shop to pick up my kids while I was in the chair, and he apparently thought I got a relaxer. When he dropped the kids off at my sister's, he told her that I finally got a perm and he was so happy. He doesn't know I know that, but that really hurt me.

I think that's the reason a part of me got a tiny bit of satisfaction from doing the BC. I was irritated by how wrapped up he was in the look of my hair (even though I loved the look of my hair then. Wierd contradiction.)

I don't blame you for being hurt in this scenario. I would have to. This is why I am glad my SO supports me if I want to go natural or stay relaxed, go long, keep it short, etc... I HAD TO make sure of this, cuz when we have kids, I don't want anybody, especially their father of all people, pushing them to change their hair, I want that to be their own decision.You gotta think about the kids.

 

[naturalgurl]

This makes me glad that I have a man who loves my napturality! He's out of the country but I told him that my hair will be his work! LOL! He can't wait to wash it and play in it. He says I won't even have to ask him to wash it, he'll just do it. (we'll see how that goes...right!) My heart goes out to you Caramela. You should be allowed to be you and do what makes YOU happy. Don't find your happiness in someone else, you'll never be truly happy that way. Since it's too late to find a man that'll love the natural you(unless you're willing to make an exchange), just try to compromise. Wear some twist outs (relaxed of course) and then some days wear it straight. Having natural hair means sometimes it's just frizzy,nappy or whatever. You can straighten nappy hair to look relaxed but there will be times when you don't feel like it and have to rock your hair. It's really about you sista', do what makes you happy.

Disclaimer***When I say too late to find a man to love the natural you, that doesn't mean the one you have is a dud just because he loves the relaxed you. He just likes that side only...

 

[Southernbella.]

I don't blame you for being hurt in this scenario. I would have to. This is why I am glad my SO supports me if I want to go natural or stay relaxed, go long, keep it short, etc... I HAD TO make sure of this, cuz when we have kids, I don't want anybody, especially their father of all people, pushing them to change their hair, I want that to be their own decision.You gotta think about the kids.

And that's the irony in all this...he wants my my dd's hair to stay natural.

He'll be alright though. Like I said, he ain't kicking me out of bed. Just the opposite, in fact.

 

[Southernbella.]

This makes me glad that I have a man who loves my napturality! He's out of the country but I told him that my hair will be his work! LOL! He can't wait to wash it and play in it. He says I won't even have to ask him to wash it, he'll just do it. (we'll see how that goes...right!) My heart goes out to you Caramela. You should be allowed to be you and do what makes YOU happy. Don't find your happiness in someone else, you'll never be truly happy that way. Since it's too late to find a man that'll love the natural you(unless you're willing to make an exchange), just try to compromise. Wear some twist outs (relaxed of course) and then some days wear it straight. Having natural hair means sometimes it's just frizzy,nappy or whatever. You can straighten nappy hair to look relaxed but there will be times when you don't feel like it and have to rock your hair. It's really about you sista', do what makes you happy.

Disclaimer***When I say too late to find a man to love the natural you, that doesn't mean the one you have is a dud just because he loves the relaxed you. He just likes that side only...

Your hair is so beautiful!

 

[Traycee]

Well maybe it's just me, but after reading this post, I think it's important to think really hard about this one. If he didn't meet you with it natural, and you've shown him various textures and beautiful natural hairstyles and he still doesn't like the idea, I personally don't think it's a good idea. Men can be strange, and sometimes it takes the smallest things to turn them off, so just be careful. In marriage it's about a partnership, so I think that you both need to agree. Maybe he can meet you half way and you can texlax?

I so so agree.....These women will have you hyped up and have your house upside down over nothing....Some esle said he is just a man...My husband is not just a man...He is my best-friend, my protector, my provider, my lover and the father of my children.....He does so much.....I don't mind comprising sometimes......My husband is a fitness fanatic ....So I get up every morning go running and work out...Because I know he likes it....I would never allow myself to become heavy because I know he is attracted to little women......Not to say he wouldn't love me anymore but I still want to take his breath away.....My husband shaves he head just for me ...I love bald black men.....But he knows what a bald head does to me.....I think caring about what your spouse thinks is important....

A good friend of mine cut all her to go natural and it caused serious problems in their home......She ended up buying wigs...Because her husband couldn't keep the rod hard ...He said when he bent her over she looked like a man.....They have been married 14 years and he loves my friend but he is attracted to what he is attracted to....She is hurting because of this........Some women husbands don't care less what their wives do....But your not married to everyone elses husband.....

 

[Christa438]

Caramela,

Jame's from Good Times fro don't get you hot and bothered? Lamont from Sanford and Son dont either? OOOH but that Action Jackson, now he remind me of Hercules...ooh im tellin ya...

This thread is just so good. have an interview but Im trying to read posts at the same time.
I been back and forth from the computer to the bathroom mirror while I do my makeup. Unfortuinately, I have to get out of here...but glad you and DH came to an agreement and Im sure you'll have his support soon enough.

 

[Southernbella.]

I so so agree.....These women will have you hyped up and have your house upside down over nothing....Some esle said he is just a man...My husband is not just a man...He is my best-friend, my protector, my provider, my lover and the father of my children.....He does so much.....I don't mind comprising sometimes......My husband is a fitness fanatic ....So I get up every morning go running and work out...Because I know he likes it....I would never allow myself to become heavy because I know he is attracted to little women......Not to say he wouldn't love me anymore but I still want to take his breath away.....My husband shaves he head just for me ...I love bald black men.....But he knows what a bald head does to me.....I think caring about what your spouse thinks is important....

A good friend of mine cut all her to go natural and it caused serious problems in their home......She ended up buying wigs...Because her husband couldn't keep the rod hard ...He said when he bent her over she looked like a man.....They have been married 14 years and he loves my friend but he is attracted to what he is attracted to....She is hurting because of this........Some women husbands don't care less what their wives do....But your not married to everyone elses husband.....

What a loser. You can't stay hard because your wife has short hair?

Maybe he should get some Viagra. That would be a great compromise.

 

[PeggyFair]

And that's the irony in all this...he wants my my dd's hair to stay natural.

Now that's interesting and ironic!

 

[naturalgurl]

I so so agree.....These women will have you hyped up and have your house upside down over nothing....Some esle said he is just a man...My husband is not just a man...He is my best-friend, my protector, my provider, my lover and the father of my children.....He does so much.....I don't mind comprising sometimes......My husband is a fitness fanatic ....So I get up every morning go running and work out...Because I know he likes it....I would never allow myself to become heavy because I know he is attracted to little women......Not to say he wouldn't love me anymore but I still want to take his breath away.....My husband shaves he head just for me ...I love bald black men.....But he knows what a bald head does to me.....I think caring about what your spouse thinks is important....

A good friend of mine cut all her to go natural and it caused serious problems in their home......She ended up buying wigs...Because her husband couldn't keep the rod hard ...He said when he bent her over she looked like a man.....They have been married 14 years and he loves my friend but he is attracted to what he is attracted to....She is hurting because of this........Some women husbands don't care less what their wives do....But your not married to everyone elses husband.....

Yeah, exactly. My man knows that being natural is important to me, but then again he doesn't find it ugly. He thinks it's beautiful and the Queen who wears it. He and I are best friends, lovers and true soul mates. He loves what's inside, not what I do on the outside. I think that if I changed my appearance and he could't get it up anymore, then I don't need him. What would I do with a superficial man???? I can understand if I walked around without combing my hair and wearing it flying for a kick, but true love looks past the outside. Besides, God made me like this...LOVE IT OR LEAVE. I truly thank God for this man, he's really special. I see that now in reading that someone's husband allowed her hair to cause such chaos in their family. God bless them...

 

[NewYorkgyrl]

What a loser. You can't stay hard because your wife has short hair?

Maybe he should get some Viagra. That would be a great compromise.

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

For real though if that is his reason then he has some issues that need to be resolved. What if God forbid your friend had cancer and lost her hair would he really insult her this way with those words.

 

[Traycee]

What a loser. You can't stay hard because your wife has short hair?

Maybe he should get some Viagra. That would be a great compromise.

He doesn't like short hair....And the brother is not a loser...He is attracted to what he is attracted to...This man was a big brother to me and help build my father's church...Just because you love someone doesn't mean that you have to be attracted to them.....Let my husband gain weight I wouldn't be attracted to him either but I will always love him....

 

[Allandra]

That's not my point. Of course not. He is a beautiful person. But when it comes down to what gets me going, an image of Jame's lopsided fro doesn't pop into my mind. I don't know.
What I'm saying is, he will compromise his appearance to make me happy, and I would do the same for him. Compromise to me doesn't mean I'm not going to transition. It simply means that I will more than likely not BC. That's all.

I know that's right.

You'll just a long time transitioning lady (like me).

 

[Choklatekiss79]

What a loser. You can't stay hard because your wife has short hair?

Maybe he should get some Viagra. That would be a great compromise.

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Southernbella.]

He doesn't like short hair....And the brother is not a loser...He is attracted to what he is attracted to...This man was a big brother to me and help build my father's church...Just because you love someone doesn't mean that you have to be attracted to them.....Let my husband gain weight I wouldn't be attracted to him either but I will always love him....

Unless he has a hair fetish, I don't understand how his wife's short hair makes her so undesireable that he can't keep his erection.

There has to be more to it than that. This goes beyond relaxed/natural. Sorry.

Seriously though, has he tried Viagra? That has to be less humiliating than making his wife wear wigs during sex.

 

[Traycee]

Unless he has a hair fetish, I don't understand how his wife's short hair makes her so undesireable that he can't keep his erection.

There has to be more to it than that. This goes beyond relaxed/natural. Sorry.

Seriously though, has he tried Viagra? That has to be less humiliating than making his wife wear wigs during sex.

When she cut her hair it wasn't like yours...You had length and it was pretty....She had a almost bald fade...I was in shock...When I say bald I really mean bald...

 

[Traycee]

Yeah, exactly. My man knows that being natural is important to me, but then again he doesn't find it ugly. He thinks it's beautiful and the Queen who wears it. He and I are best friends, lovers and true soul mates. He loves what's inside, not what I do on the outside. I think that if I changed my appearance and he could't get it up anymore, then I don't need him. What would I do with a superficial man???? I can understand if I walked around without combing my hair and wearing it flying for a kick, but true love looks past the outside. Besides, God made me like this...LOVE IT OR LEAVE. I truly thank God for this man, he's really special. I see that now in reading that someone's husband allowed her hair to cause such chaos in their family. God bless them...

My husband loves natural hair.....He doesn't like short hair...

 

[Southernbella.]

When she cut her hair it wasn't like yours...You had length and it was pretty....She had a almost bald fade...I was in shock...When I say bald I really mean bald...

Ah, ok. That is pretty drastic. I can see how that might throw him. Well, judging by your first post...can't they try things so that he can see her face? This is something he needs to get past. There are many more facets to her than her hair. Doesn't he still find her face and body attractive?

Thank you, btw.

 

[keeperathome]

Just like women, most men can't relate to the natural hair thing. Most have been brought up around women like their mothers, sisters, aunts who either burnt their hair straight or used relaxers it's not their fault really since that was the most common way black women wear their hair.

i will say this though - when my husband realized i was going natural he was more concerned with the possibility of have short and nappy hair moreso than long and nappy hair. Going natural to him meant an automatic 'fro (there's nothing wrong with a twa mind you, he's just never once seen me with short hair and he couldn't handle the thought and neither could i to be honest).

my husband is amazed at what my hair does, like he can't figure it out

sometimes you have to re-educate them just like many of us have had to re-educate ourselves.

he still doesn't like the very shrunken styles but loves the styles that show out the length.

if going natural is what you really and truly want to do for yourself, continue. what's the worse thing he is going to do; leave you? and if that's the case, you wouldn't really want someone that superficial in your life anyway..........(i'm just being for real here).

he'll come around

That is my husband also!!! But like you said He'll come around. You might want to ask him what exactly it is that he is afraid of is it he thinks you will cut your hair to a twa? Is it the fro look that has him parinoid(sp), Or is it the misconception that I have found some men think that natural hair mean dry shriviled up napps? You might want to let him know that natural does not mean no product and unkept.

 

[Nice & Wavy]

Ok!! THIS JUST IN!!! He's no longer a rock head. I sent him an email telling him about the straight styles and that I'm not cutting my hair and the look of my hair is not going to drastically change. And this was his response....



Just do what you want really its not that big of a deal to me. If you do or you don't it wont change my outlook of you. You do not need my consent I trust your judgment. Just don't tell me [what you're doing with your hair] that's when I put up an argument.

Didn't I tell you???? Not to tell him what you are doing....I'm glad that was confirmed

 

[LynnieB]

What a loser. You can't stay hard because your wife has short hair?

Maybe he should get some Viagra. That would be a great compromise.

i'm thinking the same thing.

What happens if you're unfortunate enough to get breast cancer and those breasts gotta go? what happens if a disease or illness causes you to loose all your hair, it will never grow back? what happens if you've been in an accident and you can no longer move your body from the waist down? neck down? slobber on yourself and piss and sh!! on yourself?

what happens if you gain weight? become anoxeric? what happens if you were to have a hysterectomy and can no longer bear children or go through premature menopause and can no longer respond sexually to your mate?

i mean, those are some serious issues, hair is superficial when compared to the above.

if changing a hairstyle causes you man to have a limp meat or find you less than desireable then that's a man i do not want in my house, in my life, heck - i don't even want him to breathe the same air that i do.

after reading some of the responses here, i thank God for the husband that i have, seriously.

 

[naturalgurl]

You see Caramela, just do it girl! Men usually don't know what they want until we show them. That last sentence he wrote said it all!!! I'm glad this had a happy ending unlike the woman who's man can't get it up because of her hair, now that's sad....

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

I know there are men out there that have issues with women hair. I believe that marriage is a compromise though and if something is upsetting to your spouse or vice-versa, you really need to take that into consideration.

My husband once told me that he'd love me even if I was bald-head. Well, I cut my hair down to 1/4" when I went natural and he had no problem with it at all, he has his preferences of the hairstyles he likes me to wear, but he lets me know that it's my hair and to do whatever makes me happy.

 

[LadyKaypnyc]

Wow!

Just prove him wrong...

 

[TwistNMx]

I'm sorry to hear about that and I do sympathize.

If my husband were that way, he wouldn't be my husband!
Your hair is a part of YOU!!!

 

[Country gal]

Just rock some bad *** styles and he will get over it. I wouldn't do a big chop but maybe transition.

 

[Suerte]

Man oh man. Men can be so dumb sometimes. On one hand, he should support you in your goals, but on the other hand, you are throwing a major appearance loop into the game early on in a marriage...

Hair is a big deal for almost every culture in the world.

If you have stick straight hair and then magically have an afro overnight, or if you have an afro and then magically have stick straight hair overnight... that is a huge, huge difference.

Imagine if you woke up one morning and your husband had hair down to his butt, had decided that orange contact lenses were gonna be in his eyes every single day, had gained or lost 100lbs, decided to get piercings and tattoos... you would be thrown for a loop.

I think it's natural. He wants to see you the way he sees you, the way he fell in love with you.

Things will of course be different when you're both 75.

But...I see both sides of the issue.

 

[Caramela]

Man oh man. Men can be so dumb sometimes. On one hand, he should support you in your goals, but on the other hand, you are throwing a major appearance loop into the game early on in a marriage...

Hair is a big deal for almost every culture in the world.

If you have stick straight hair and then magically have an afro overnight, or if you have an afro and then magically have stick straight hair overnight... that is a huge, huge difference.

Imagine if you woke up one morning and your husband had hair down to his butt, had decided that orange contact lenses were gonna be in his eyes every single day, had gained or lost 100lbs, decided to get piercings and tattoos... you would be thrown for a loop.

I think it's natural. He wants to see you the way he sees you, the way he fell in love with you.

Things will of course be different when you're both 75.

But...I see both sides of the issue.

This post is so right on! I agree. I see both sides now too. And we haven't even been married a year so to make a drastic change might be too much too early. That's why I said Vevster might be on to something when she said don't rock the boat!
I'm giving myself until June to decide for sure.