Should I give up my goal of long hair?

[pringe]

Ok. I have a question or a situation to share and I need you guys help.


So as some of u may know my hair story is a journey. I am natural. I have been coloring my hair since about 6 months into my natural journey. I colored my hair a bright brownish blonde color sometime in 2008. I think it was around the summertime. In Dec 2008, I got the BKT for manageability. Stupidly, around the middle of 2009 I realized the BKT and the harsh color was something that doesn't mix for me so I've been trying to maintain healthier hair practices and I just started hiding my ends around dec 09. Sounds funny, but I feel like I'm just learning healthier hair practices. Anywhoo, I was having a little breakdown about my hair the other day. I just felt like all I do my hair still isn't thriving the way I would've hoped. There are still split ends and my ends are damaged. I have straight, limp ends in a couple of places.

So I was explaining to a friend of mine, a dominican friend who donates her hair every year because it grows VERY quickly. She is a good, close friend of mine who listens and tries to give advice. So we discussed my issue and she said "You've been trying for a LONNNNNG time and maybe it's not in the cards for you. If you want to keep natural hair maybe u should try dreads and if you want to get a relaxer maybe you should do that."

What do you guys think? Do you think its a losing battle? Maybe I keep trying and its not working out and I should face the fact that my hair will never be like other members here. For me long hair has been a lifetime goal that has never been attainable.

I totally appreciate my friend and her advice. I'm just wondering if I'm being silly in continuing to dream a pipe dream or should i just move on?

All comments r welcome!

 

[MyAngelEyez~C~U]

Don't give up. Period.

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

I don't see why you would give up. Some of the hair you have has already been damaged, so there is no point of return for those ends. That could be the reason why you have so much breakage and split ends. Once you get rid of those damaged ends and continue to incorporate healthy practices, I'm sure your hair will flourish. The color PLUS the BKT, you already said, has damaged your hair so why do you expect those ends to not be damaged? Growth is not your issue, keeping healthy ends is, so that's no reason to give up. Your friend is WRONG! You will have to take EXTRA good care of your hair if you relax it so I don't see why that would be an alternative.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

From the sound of the story it seems that trying to find shortcuts (BKT) and color are the main culprit to you having issues with retaining length. Thats too many things on top of eachother. Not some inherent inability to have long hair.

You have to believe that you can, you have do have a period of trial and error to see what your hair likes and build a regimen of staple products and styles that till help you reach your goals and go for it.

 

[motherpopcorn562]

BKT and dye is too much chemical IMO. If you lay off the chemicals for a while you very well may see an increased amount of growth.

From my own experiences of getting a relaxer and permanent dye, I know thats a high matinence, low retention way to go about hair growing. I had to virtually live in the beauty shop just to maintain shoulder length hair!

 

[ceebee3]

No, don't give up. I had 2 setbacks last year and I feel like I haven't made much progress.

I'm not giving up though, it'll just be a longer journey. Set a short term goal first and when you make that, you'll be inspired to continue all the way.

 

[mscocoface]

Okay another changing of the mind is in order. You cannot expect to lump in all the years of coloring and BKTing in your healthy hair journey because it was not healthy for your hair.

You are literally starting OVER. So find a regimen wipe your mind clean of all you did in the past and start from the first day you REALLY started a healthy hair regimen. Mark the date on a calendar , in your siggy or something showing your first day of healthy haircare and then go from there.

Wooooosaaaaaa baby girl.

 

[UrbainChic]

I think if anything, you should try to go gentle. I cut off a whoooooole lot a hair on my round 2 of going natural, mostly because of color damage. ( ironically i got highlights today lets hope my hair stays on my head) IT wasn't what ultimately lead me to BC #3, but basically all i have learned is I have to be gentle to my hair.

Really, don't give up. Take a deep breath, handle your setback like a woman, put your ovaries on the outside, and promise yourself to be gentle to your hair.

AND re: color, last night i discovered some natural lightening methods that seem to really uphold the integrity of the hair, but i already had my appointment and i had an expiring gift card to this salon of nearly 200 dollars--- but if it wasnt for losing the gift card I would have probably cancelled and tried those methods first, since they are more gentle.

If you want to switch it up w color etc try those methods first, and then if they dont work, make sure pony up and go to a professional. I have hair stylist friends who tell me the worst thing people do to their hair is try to lift too many shades at home. And of course DC. ( which is what i am going to start doing obsessively now, bc i dont want to do BC#4)

I rambled a lot but basically what i want to say is:

NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER QUIT!!!!

I think you can do it. I don't need to even know you or your hair. You are human, you can grow long hair.

 

[Lynnerie]

I dont think you should give up. But you should try to keep a simple regimen cause not everyone can handle dye and BKT's. I think we are so into this hair journey that we try things just because someone else did and we cause our own setbacks. (I know I have)

Keep a simple regimen without the chemicals, baby your ends and keep your hair goal to yourself because even though your friend may not mean to discourage you hearing her tell you to give up while she grows hair every year to donate it doesnt help your confidence.

 

[pringe]

i love my lhcf ladies :O)

I had to ask because I wanted to make sure I wasn't being silly like this was a long awaited dream/goal that I should finally give up. Now that i've spoken to you guys and everyone has basically said the same thing I feel empowered to just keep trucking on.


I have cut off a LOT of inches, at least 2 inches of hair last week and I still have some to cut off. After reading Chicoro & Cathy Howse book and watching Kimmaytube's youtube channel, I begun incorporating protective styles with my ends hidden. I'm pretty new on that journey. I've been ps my entire journey I feel but now with my ends hidden is a new one for me.

I'm really grateful to you guys for giving me your inspirational words. Sigghhhh just gotta keep pushing on and hopefully in about 2 years maybe I can be one of those apl ladies.
:O)

 

[mariofmagdal]

Don't give up. Besides if you do, you will never know. It sounds like you worked very hard, keep going you can do it.

 

[mscocoface]

Now if you get the itch to color or BKT come back and we will give you a e-tongue lashing to whip you back into shape. With love, but it will be a whippin!

 

[lamaria211]

dont give up

 

[pringe]

lol no more coloring. I'm sick of what its done and what i let it do to my hair. I did color it black over a month ago with Bigen because I couldn't stand looking at the color on the ends anymore.

My only question is, Im not thinking positively. I keep thinking "why would ur hair grow long when its never been?" I keep thinking that my hair has never been "long" so why would it be difficult. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be negative but u know seeds of doubt have a way of creeping in ur subconscious :O/

 

[LadyRaider]

I think you should stick with it. Looking at your avatar, you already have hair longer than most of the black women around here.

 

[southerncitygirl]

lol no more coloring. I'm sick of what its done and what i let it do to my hair. I did color it black over a month ago with Bigen because I couldn't stand looking at the color on the ends anymore.

My only question is, Im not thinking positively. I keep thinking "why would ur hair grow long when its never been?" I keep thinking that my hair has never been "long" so why would it be difficult. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be negative but u know seeds of doubt have a way of creeping in ur subconscious :O/

my hair is longer than its ever been and natural i'm btw apl and bsl now. so don't give up. keep it simple girlie, caring for natural hair can have a looooong learning curve, i speak from expierience.

 

[belldandy]

Listen hunty. you just started hiding your ends at the middle of 2009. You had a BKT and color...your hair sounds like it was very damaged. I don't think you should give up. I remember reading a post on BHM, this woman was saying how slow her hair grows...i mean extreeeemly slow. She had stayed on her hair journey for 8 years, and at the time of writing, she had wl hair. I believe with God anything is possible as long as we dont give up. ther are so many people on here who grew long hair and never had long hair in their life! I used to get teased so bad about not having hair, i never would have dreamed my hair would even be to my shoulders when i was a teen. i know she is your friend, but you know what it is easy for one to say something like that if one's hair has always been long.

 

[laurend]

You are not really natural with the BKT and color. I think you should go chemical free until you get your hair to the health and length you desire.

 

[*CherryPie*]

Really?

I was beginning to feel bad about my BSL hair growing so slow, until you said that. Thanks.

I think you should stick with it. Looking at your avatar, you already have hair longer than most of the black women around here.

 

[*Muffin*]

Never give up. Never surrender! I'm in it for the long hall. If I shoot for the moon, then maybe I'll land in some trees, you feel? My ultimate goal is WL or longer, but if I get to MBL, that's fine by me, too . I've made a ot of mistakes on my journey, and I've experienced some setbacks, but I've learned from every one. I try not to think of it in terms of time. Realistically, I've probably been on this hair journey for 2.5 to 3 years, long enough for me to be at least MBL by now (I started off a little past shoulder length). But I'm hovering above BSL. But I'm not discouraged. It just motivates me to step up my game. I've never been one for protective styles, so now I'm trying to utilize those. Also, I excessively groom my hair, so I've been slowing up on that. Also, I've currently turned to nutritional supplements and castor oil to give my growth that added boost.

 

[locabouthair]

Keep trying. I'm in the same boat as you. It seems like every year I get a setback and then I have cut off some hair. Don't give up. Your hair looks healthy in your siggy.

In regards to your friend, that is why I dont like to tell people my goals. Because we all struggle at some point and someone will just say oh maybe it's not in the cards for you.

 

[brittanynic16]

Okay, look at my sigggy. If I can recover from that you can recover too. It takes learning your hair and being consistant.

 

[cutenss]

Don't give up. Just change your mindset about your hair. If you focus soley on the health, the length will come. And you may have a few more setbacks before it is over. But that is OK. We are here to support you. We are/have been there, and are doing/have done that. Everything is a process. EVERYTHING. But with time and patience, YOU WILL PERSEVERE. Hang in in there. It will be OK

 

[hair4romheaven]

Never give up on any thing in life. Anything worth having takes hard work.