*SIGH* Relaxed or natural? The grass is ALWAYS greener...

[alibi]

Ladies, I have a dilema. I stopped relaxing 3 years ago this month. I fell in love with my new growth, and really wanted textured, curly, wild hair. In fact, the pic below of Mel B (aka Scary Spice) was my ultimate natural hair goal. So I put my mind to it, and fought through an 18 month transition, followed by a BC so I could be natural. And now that I've reached my goal (my hair is actually longer than Mel B's in that pic), I'M BORED! I mean, I love my curls - they're funky, and they have a personalitly all their own. But now I want my hair straight! I want it to be bone straight, and blow in the wind like nobody's business! I want to be able to flip it over my shoulder with a li'l attitude! And try as I may to flat iron it straight, it WILL NOT STAY in the Miami humidity - I end up looking like the Lion King within hours! So I don't really get to enjoy the versatility that most ppl do in non-humid climates. And it seems like I'm now becoming just as obsessed with relaxing as I was with being natural 3 years ago! The pic of Aaliyah below is sooooo tempting! It seems like the grass is always greener, and I don't know what to do! I do like my curls, but straight styles seem so much sleeker to me right now. My hair has gotten so long, big, and fluffy when I do my shake and go that at times I feel like it's wild and out of control.

Anyone else been at this point, either relaxed or natural? Did you have regrets about crossing back over to one or the other? How did you weigh your pros and cons, and what ultimately helped to make your decision? BTW, I hope this doesn't offend anyone who feels differently, but I went natural b/c it was a hairstyle choice, not a lifestyle choice, so the creamy crack/natural mindset type comments are lost on me and don't apply. Thanks for letting me vent, any help would be greatly appreciated.

ETA pic of Mel B with straight hair (although it's a weave!)

 

[RainbowCurls]

I'm bored of my hair and I only ended my transition in June.
I don't want my hair straight though, just longer hair. About 3 years worth of growth longer. Now.

I read on another thread sylver2 suggests using lots of leave ins to prevent frizzing.
I haven't flat ironed since I went natural but when I was transitioning what worked for me was flat ironing bun-airdried, combed out hair (with coconut oil applied while wet). Then applying a serum when finished. Then putting a scarf over my hair for at least half an hour but preferably overnight.
Of course, the weather wasn't as hot as it is now so I don't know if that'd still work.

Maybe do a search for some product recommendations to prevent reversion?

Or there are always wigs/weaves you could try out to see if you really want to go back to to relaxing, or you just want a change.

 

[Crissi]

I've never been relaxed, but that's just because I don't wanna, however IMHO hair is just hair, simply dead protein. You have relaxed it before, you already know what its like to be relaxed, and aslong as your hair is still healthy, breakage free and all that I say do whatever you want. And don't pay mind to what people say, it is as you've said, a styling option. Besides if you get bored of that in a few years you vould just grow it out right?

 

[beyondcute]

Wow... Well How about a new cut or some highlights?

 

[VelvetRain]

I have nothing to contribute. I just wanted to say I love your hair!

Want to trade places?

 

[Ayeshia]

That sucks being in a humid climate...but I still have the type of hair that frizzes up no mater what chemical I have in my hair, and if I tried straightening it, it still does come out silky straight unless the salon does it.... So relaxing is out of the mix for me. Honestly I think one of the main reasons why I have stayed natural is that a lot of people have complimented on my hair and begged me not to change it lol. And these were the SAME people who looked at me all weird doing the big chop a couple of years back haha. Those straight hair longing phases usually hit me every three months or so then Im back to nirmal after about a week

Aaliyahs hair was pretty...but I heard she didnt have a relaxer.

 

[1QTPie]

Ladies, I have a dilema. I stopped relaxing 3 years ago this month. I fell in love with my new growth, and really wanted textured, curly, wild hair. In fact, the pic below of Mel B (aka Scary Spice) was my ultimate natural hair goal. So I put my mind to it, and fought through an 18 month transition, followed by a BC so I could be natural. And now that I've reached my goal (my hair is actually longer than Mel B's in that pic), I'M BORED! I mean, I love my curls - they're funky, and they have a personalitly all their own. But now I want my hair straight! I want it to be bone straight, and blow in the wind like nobody's business! I want to be able to flip it over my shoulder with a li'l attitude! And try as I may to flat iron it straight, it WILL NOT STAY in the Miami humidity - I end up looking like the Lion King within hours! So I don't really get to enjoy the versatility that most ppl do in non-humid climates. And it seems like I'm now becoming just as obsessed with relaxing as I was with being natural 3 years ago! The pic of Aaliyah below is sooooo tempting! It seems like the grass is always greener, and I don't know what to do! I do like my curls, but straight styles seem so much sleeker to me right now. My hair has gotten so long, big, and fluffy when I do my shake and go that at times I feel like it's wild and out of control.

Anyone else been at this point, either relaxed or natural? Did you have regrets about crossing back over to one or the other? How did you weigh your pros and cons, and what ultimately helped to make your decision? BTW, I hope this doesn't offend anyone who feels differently, but I went natural b/c it was a hairstyle choice, not a lifestyle choice, so the creamy crack/natural mindset type comments are lost on me and don't apply. Thanks for letting me vent, any help would be greatly appreciated.

My only question is, did your hair stay bone straight in that humidity with a relaxer? Have you had it successfully bone straight? If not, why not get a weave. If so, do what you want, you can always cut it off and go back to your natural texture later if you change your mind again.

 

[inthepink]

Wow - It's so interesting that you wrote this post! I have been feeling the same way for a couple of months. I feel like straight hair suits me better. I just came from reading all about Phytorelaxer on hairboutique.com. I am so tempted to relax again but I fear losing the softness of my natural hair and losing the curl. :/

Right now, I will stay natural and continue to try to perfect straight styles but it's such a pain with the heat of the summer that you spend so much time straightening and then lose it b/c of the weather. :/

I guess I have no advice but just to say that I am going through the exact same thing. I'm a little over 3 years since my last relaxer, too.

 

[Poohbear]

Yeah, Aaliyah got her natural hair pressed every 2 months or so...

Anyway, I get bored with my hair period... now that I'm natural and back when I was relaxed. Hang in there and do what YOU wanna do. Don't worry about what others say or think.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I don't have any advice.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

 

[UmSumayyah]

Pebbles goes back and forth between relaxed and natural. No reason why you can't too, since for you it's just a style. Unless you really, REALLY hate transitioning.
If it's flippage you want, surely that will come with longer hair. Or perhaps you can find products to weigh your hair down more so it's less big. Or try searching more for the perfect anti-frizz cream or serum that will help your hair stay straight when you flat-iron.
Failing that, you could always wait for fall. It's less humid then, I hope?

 

[Leslie_C]

Im in Orlando and I feel your pain about the humidity...lol. My hair wouldnt even stay straight when it was relaxed much less natural. It will be a year since I relaxed in September and Ive cut almost all my relaxed ends off but I have a little more in the front bc the front grows slower....but what little bit is left is underprocessed anyway so it pretty much looks like it is all natural.

I have a love/hate relationship with mine...I go thru phases of "I love my hair" and all I want is a little more length and Ill probably wear a press alternated with braidouts,etc in the winter and in the summer if i want it straight Ill just weave it up. Then I go thru times where I HATE it and just want to get it relaxed again, justifying that with a head full of virgin hair it should be healthy if relaxed and it would just be a matter of maintaining it thru good care. That is currently how Im feeling.

So for now, Im rocking cute wigs and just keep on steppin...lol. But I want to get a sew in next. I dont want to make any spontaneous decision Ill regret so Ill hold off till spring time and by then Ill probably press it out to see how it might looks relaxed and go from there.

I say if u want straight hair, get a weave that would be the length and texture of your hair straightened and keep on steppin! Then when u miss ur curls all u have to do is take the weave out and voila.

 

[locabouthair]

girl im in the same boat as you. ive been contemplating between natural vs relaxed since i started wearing my hair natural. this morning i decided im going to relax my hair once it gets to my goal length which will be in another 2 years or so. i do regret going natural because i feel it requires a LOT more work than my relaxed hair. i ALWAYS have to plan my events around my hair. it's very frustrating. i say wear a weave or a wig and see if you really want the straight look. and you always have the option of going back.

 

[caligirl]

I feel you on the "lion king" effect. I LOVE the look of pressed hair, but its such a pain in the butt to keep my hair straight. I can't go dancing, I have to take cold showers, yada yada. So now I'm really trying to explore natural styles. I even get my hair "done" sometimes in natural styles just for a change. Maybe twists would give you that straight, hanging look.

 

[jasmine26]

first, i love your hair. second, i agree maybe with a sew in? that will give you that straight, frizz-free hair. are u using alot of anti-humectants with your straight styles? But if all else fails, you can just relax your hair and if you miss your curls, you can always transition again when your ready!

good luck with whatever you choose!!

 

[SilkyandSmooth]

Anyone else been at this point, either relaxed or natural? Did you have regrets about crossing back over to one or the other? How did you weigh your pros and cons, and what ultimately helped to make your decision?

Yup! I've been there and I believe that I made the best decision for me. In May of 2004, I decided to transition because I grew so tired of my relaxed hair. I transitioned for almost 18 months before chopping off the rest of my relaxed ends. I stayed natural for almost 5 months before deciding that natural hair wasn't for me. I was spending too much time doing my hair in the morning, my hair was constantly wet, etc. I'm no good at doing and maintaining natural hairstyles such as braids and twists. Natural hair just wasn't for me. I then decided that I wanted the best of both worlds and so I texlaxed in April. I have absolutely NO regrets. I love my texlaxed hair. I can wear it curly or straight whenever I want to. When it's curly, it's relatively frizz free. When it's straightened, it stays straight until the following wash. My hair is so much easier to do in the mornings now. Texlaxed hair is the best hairstyle choice for me at this particular point in my life.

 

[dynamic1]

I feel your pain!

I have been an uncommitted transitioner for 3 years. I have not worn my hair straight for what seems like moons. It's almost pointless unless I can get to the salon. But I don't enjoy the salon experience anymore. I do have regrets about going natural sometimes. At least, I knew how to make it look nice and I never experienced a hair crisis when relaxed. I think I would be waist length by now if I kept relaxing. My regime was simple and my hair was in great shape (my scalp is better though). My wash & go hair and rollersets are big, which sometimes attracts unwanted attention.

Every time I think about going back to the relaxer, I look at pictures of the beautiful natural hair on this site, yours included . Additionally, I have several friends and family with great natural hair. They serve as an inspiration as well.

Your hair is beautiful. But this feeling might be temporary, so why not go with something temporary like a sew-in weave.

 

[Cheleigh]

The grass is always greener. I do think, since you've been natural so long, that you should get a well done weave for a while and see if it's a temporary longing, or if you want to do something more permanent.

I am currently in sunny south FL, and indeed it is humid. Of course, I've discovered my hair does the same whether it's humid or not, which is a good thing. When I was relaxed, I did have a BIG problem with humidity though. I'm around thousands of black women from around the world at this convention with hair in all manner of styles. I can admire them all--the sistalocks, natural puffs, curlies, the weave divas, all sorts of braids, phony ponys (a lot of women got weaved or braided to combat the humidity, I've noticed, and phony ponys are particularly popular), pixie cuts (I'm really admiring how they are keeping their hair looking great) and relaxed styles of all stripes. Women who only see me at conventions are really surprised I cut my hair, and it made me realize how much people do tie you to your hair--I was probably always described as "Cheleigh from Cali with the long hair."

At any rate, I can admire all the styles, but know I did the best for me--I'm not longing for the pretty straight hair I see here, ya know? I didn't mind transitioning, but not enough to go through it again, so if I were wanting to straighten, I'd probably weave it up in the summer (and understand, I am not a "weave" person--only had one in my life for a wedding) and straighten in winter. But right now, as a new natural, I'm having too much satisfaction not worrying about blowdrying and hot curling my hair after I come back from the beach.

Bon chance, whatever you decide.

 

[Britfem27]

I transitioned and did the big chop in 2001 only to end up relaxing again 3 years later. My relaxed hair is now just past shoulder length and I love it. I love Mel B too and I love her hair and that was why I transitioned too but I found it very high maintenance.

I have highlights, I do a lot of braidouts and I have layers so I can kind of do the Mel B thing and rock a wild do when I want.
. It is also nice that I can also have a straight look and go swimming, work out etc without worrying about frizz.

So my recommendation is to relax unless you have political reasons not to.
Still it's your decision- let us know!

 

[SignatureBeauty]

Your Hair is Just Beautiful! But if you want to Relax then Relax if that is better for you, I am natural but I went back & forth like 3x's and then I found out that Natural is the way for me to go, Not for political reason or etc. But because for me it is Low maitence and I don't wet my hair everyday.

But whatever you decide you know you have a Hair Family here, Whether You relax your hair or start back transitioining! This Board is Just Cool Like That!

 

[hopeful]

Oh Ayanapooh, I could just scream! I just wrote you this long post and it just went poof!

Well, I'll try again I guess, this time shorter and sweeter. Do whatever will make you feel the happiest and the most beautiful. Your hair is beautiful either way. The problem is, I think, that you love your natural hair and you loved your relaxed hair, so no matter what, whatever you choose, you will be losing something you love. If you know in your heart you prefer one over the other, you will have to make peace that you can't have the other. I know it's hard. The best you can do is stay natural and during the fall and winter months flat-iron most of the time or relax and where curly roller-sets/braid outs etc when you crave a curly look. Nobody likes giving up anything but when it comes to our hair and many other choices in our life from working to having children to our choice in mates, we have to choose what we want MOST even though that means we can't have something else.

Good luck with whatever you choose. We are all here to support and encourage you.

 

[pebbles]

Pebbles goes back and forth between relaxed and natural. No reason why you can't too, since for you it's just a style. Unless you really, REALLY hate transitioning.
If it's flippage you want, surely that will come with longer hair. Or perhaps you can find products to weigh your hair down more so it's less big. Or try searching more for the perfect anti-frizz cream or serum that will help your hair stay straight when you flat-iron.
Failing that, you could always wait for fall. It's less humid then, I hope?

I sure do! I get bored very easily, so after wearing a style for 3-5 years, I change it. Of course, I don't bother with transitioning, I just cut off the relaxed portion of my hair. I'm not afraid of having a TWA, and I find that my hair grows much faster when I do this.

In short, do what you feel like doing. If you choose to relax, be sure you won't regret it for the next few years. Then transition again!

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I didn't mind transitioning, but not enough to go through it again,

You said a mouth full. Transitioning ain't fun.

 

[Enchantmt]

I admit I have thought about it, especially after I pressed my hair earlier this month and it was all cute and bouncy. I was able to make it last a week with flat iron touch ups, but its humid here now too, and I really hate going more than 3 days or so w/o washing. I was thinking of doing presses just in the winter for a change of pace.

Anyway, a pros and cons list always works for me to help weigh options, it helps to see everything in black and white. See which option gives you more freedom. You may consider work outs, weather, swimming, special occasions, ease of styling, and whether you would be willing to put the work back in to transition if you didnt like being relaxed. Personally, I can do elegant styles a whole lot quicker relaxed, but I just finally did a decent braid out, so I want to experiment more with my natural hair. Also, right now being natural is saving me money, no salon visits. What ever you decide, we will support you.

 

[aileenadq]

AP:

I'm going to be the voice of dissent here: please don't relax those beautiful curls and waves! They frame your face very well, and the cut really suits your face!

We all get bored with our hair, and I really feel that a "lion's mane" is SO much more attractive than a frizzed out, trying to be straight relaxed head. And think of all the upkeep that relaxing entails.

This is to say nothing of the overall health of your hair.

Why not go on the hunt for stuff that will add some weight to your curls and keep them from going vertical?

I'm speaking as a tex/relaxed head that only wishes she has beautiful curls like you. (And in all honesty, even if I DID go natural, it wouldn't look as nice as yours b/c it's pitch black and looks one-dimensional.)

Man, what I wouldn't give to be able to wash n go.

 

[locfreeme]

Ayanapooh, please don't relax. At least, not right now. Try getting a weave or maybe try to find the right products or stylist that may be able to help your hair stay straight longer. I'm speaking from my own experience...

Last year, I longed for straight hair, after 9 years natural. I let the Egyptians blow out my hair and loved it so much that I decided to texlax so it would be easier for me to wear straight styles regularly. My husband also likes it straight. Unfortunately, once I texlaxed my hair, I also started to experience breakage and overall impaired hair growth. See, I forgot that when natural, my hair would start breaking if I wore it down more than a few days at a time. By keeping my hair in twists, braids, puffs, etc., I kept it healthy, long, and strong. I also forgot how full and thick my hair looked, even when blown out. Once I texlaxed, it wasn't as full and in my opinion, looked very "regular." I'm not a big fan of buns, and I hated having to get synthetic braids or twists done on my hair when I wanted to give it a rest. Before, I just put those styles in my own, natural hair. But the texlaxed hair was not thick enough to provide the same look I had as when I was natural.

Now, 9 months later, I've decided to transition back to natural hair. Transitioning is new for me; previously, I would just BC to go natural, but my husband doesn't want me cut all my hair off. I've been wearing braids for a few months and now I have enough new growth to wear two-strand twists of my own hair. Surprisingly, the texlaxed hair seems to have reverted some, so it's thick enough to hold the style, although it doesnt look nearly as full and thick as it used to (when I was natural), of course. But, I'll be wearing this style and curly perm-rod sets until I have enough hair to BC. The main regret I have is the fact that I "ruined" a very long, healthy head of hair. I wouldn't regret it as much if my hair were shorter, I don't think.

This doesn't mean I won't ever wear straight hair again, because I still lust over some of the beautiful straight styles I've seen, especially on this site. But, I definitely won't put any more chemicals in my hair.

You have a beautiful head of hair and I'm afraid you may regret relaxing it. Think about it - if you change your mind, you'll have to start all over. Are you willing to take that risk? If so, go ahead and relax. Otherwise, try to find an alternative.

HTH.

 

[alibi]

Wow, I just read through all of the responses, and I just wanna say that I REALLY love this board! You ladies are the best! I had no idea that some ppl were going through the same thing! I just put it out there b/c I'm so on the fence that it's ridiculous! And Hopeful was right on the money when she said that either way I'm losing something I love. I never really looked at it that way, but that's exactly the dilema. I love my relaxed and natural hair equally for different reasons. I think what contributes to me craving straight hair right now is the fact that I do ppl's hair on the side, and all of them very long relaxed hair (I'm talking bra strap of longer - one lady has hair like Kimora ). I flat iron 2-3 heads every weekend, and I do a relaxer every 2-3 weeks. And when they leave with those silky straight, swinging heads, I remember ***sniff*** when my hair used to do that. In fact, the reason I started doing hair at home was b/c ppl wanted me to make their hair as straight as mine.

Anyway, I've thought a lot about texturizing, to try to get the best of both worlds. But my hair relaxes VERY easily (I used to use a kiddie perm and leave it in for a max of 10 mins and my hair would be BONE straight), and I think that it would probably get to straight too quick. It hadn't occured to me to get a weave though, that might be a good idea...:scratchch But the only problem is, I haven't seen ANY good sew ins down here in Miami. In fact, all of the weaves I see when I'm out are downright ghetto! I got a nice curly one when I was transitioning, but it was done with a cap, and the lady that does it really specializes in curly styles. Is there any particular method of doing a straight sew in that makes it look flat and natural? I'm not big on weaves, and would only want to rock one if I could get it to look as realistic as possible.

 

[alibi]

***DELETED DOUBLE POST***

 

[Brownie]

I'd go with the weave idea. You could also try other styles or nice pampering products to beat the boredom blues. If you decide to relax/texturize, I would wait until the winter, so you know it's not just a weather thing, so that would give you about 4 more months to think about it.

Good luck whatever you do. Whatever you decide will probably be all right because you've been relaxed and you've been natural, so you know fully what to expect. So good luck. As for me, I wouldn't want to transition again, but like Pebbles said, change can be good and you can always go natural again without transitioning, and short hair---in the future---might even be a good change for you, so don't feel like the decision has to be a monumental, stressful life changing decision.

 

[metalkitty]

Maybe you should try this process, I know I want to! It suposedly resists humidity and lets the hair curl back up, I guess I'll be the guinea pig and get my stylist to try it on me!
ETA: The link! http://www.mizani-usa.com/?m=33&rid=300