Spinoff:Natural Hair does not prevent you from attracting men

[LoveisYou]

lol @ suck my toe

Well ladies, thanks for expalining. Like I said in my post my experience has been pretty limited. I was/am lucky to live in nplaces where natural hair is appreciated, no doubt that has influenced my view on this topic. It's crazy, I'm thinking about all the women I know IRL who are in relationships and more than 50% of them have been natural for years. Yet most of them live in NYC.

Soemone made a comment about quantity and quality that I beleive is worth thinking about. Are we counting the numbers we attract or the quality we attract?

I will be the first woman to admit that's it's hard going against the grain. I mean I went natural and relaxed. Honestly, I can't say that my choice to relax was influenced by men. I'm happy to be able to say that.

LA sounds like the complete opposite of NYC :/

 

[bedazzled]

lol @ suck my toe

Well ladies, thanks for expalining. Like I said in my post my experience has been pretty limited. I was/am lucky to live in nplaces where natural hair is appreciated, no doubt that has influenced my view on this topic. It's crazy, I'm thinking about all the women I know IRL who are in relationships and more than 50% of them have been natural for years. Yet most of them live in NYC.

Soemone made a comment about quantity and quality that I beleive is worth thinking about. Are we counting the numbers we attract or the quality we attract?

I will be the first woman to admit that's it's hard going against the grain. I mean I went natural and relaxed. Honestly, I can't say that my choice to relax was influenced by men. I'm happy to be able to say that.

LA sounds like the complete opposite of NYC :/

I think we for the most part are just generalizing*. I'm from the LA area..and well Idk anyone who is doing the 'natural' thing but thats just my circle of folks. On the other hand my girl from NYC clowns kinky hair & shes mixed. If your hair isn't 3B its ugly (including 3C).

But I love the quantity vs. quality comment. I think if natural hair is the reason why some men wont talk to you, that must mean you're already knocking off 75% of the jerks you could've potentially gotten involved with and thus you'll get more quality men. Whats better than a BM that appreciates a black woman, the way she comes?

OFFTOPIC: But I want to move to NYC, I hope its as dreamy as you're making it out to be.

 

[BostonMaria]

OFFTOPIC: But I want to move to NYC, I hope its as dreamy as you're making it out to be.

I'm from the East Coast and I prefer California. You guys are more laid back and nice.

 

[jennboo]

First, I LOVE Habana Outpost! The cheese corn (that's what i call it) is delicious

Next, this is a touchy subject and folks' experiences regarding the matter are different. My personal experience being a natural in NYC (Manhattan) has been very positive. To be fair, i will divulge that i used to exclusively wear lengthy extension braids (which to me don't really fall into the category of napptural- natural styles because of the way the braids hang and the type of hair used to braid: wet n' wavy or straight). However, for the past few months, i have been wearing my hair in short, two strand twists fashioned with my own hair.

Whenever i go out (various lounges, bars in manhattan) all different races of men approach me (black, white, asian) pretty frequently. My twists are short, so they do not hang straight down and they are very voluminous. Last weekend alone i had three people (2 men and a woman) ask to touch my hair (to which i obliged). My natural hair has definitely not been a hindrance to meeting men, receiving compliments, being asked out/going on dates, etc.

Also, my best friend, a dark-skinned natural sista who frequently rocks a big
4b afro (AFRO-no texturing via twists braids bantu knots, etc.) when we go out gets hit on just as much as i do. The common denominator, imo, is that we have hella confidence, we're both cute, and we have nice shapes (no need to be modest here). Maybe it also has something to do with the vibes we give off, maybe in guys minds (those who don't really fancy natch hair) our other attributes make up for the hair . Or maybe when men just happen to see generally attractive women that is all they see: attractive women. It is all about a "look". If you are generally good-looking i think men will be attracted to you whether you have nice natural hair, busted natural hair, nice permed hair, busted chewed up permed hair, or if you are rockin' an Amber. IMO hair is ancillary when speaking about attraction, especially to men. Just look at all the men who are attracted to women who wear horrible weaves.

I can honestly say that i have NEVER had as much confidence in my appearance as i have wearing my natural hair. I honestly think that if by some freak accident i tripped and landed head first into a bucket of relaxer and emerged with straighter hair my self-esteem would plummet

 

[andromeda]

Too bad everywhere isn't like Brooklyn.

Yeah, as someone who lives a few blocks away from Habana Outpost, I'll admit I'm spoiled by the prevalence of naturals. In my neighborhood, it's almost as if being relaxed is one of the tip-off's that someone is a "poser" or "outsider" at all the hip spots. That being said, if I go to far on the "wrong" side of the avenue, I'll get told to "comb my hair", so the anti-natural mentality is pervasive and reflective of education and socioeconomic status to an extent, not just geography.

If you don't mind, can you share the experience you referenced in the assimilation post? I think that was very insightful and humbling. It might put things in perspective for those of us who have been "blessed" enough to not "buy" the harsh realities of naturals + male attention.

 

[msa]

I posted this in the other thread about black men not caring about nappy hair...I thought I may as well post it here as well. BlackMasterPiece said that maybe part of the problem is that I need to turn my swag on...and I'm seeing that being said in this thread as well.

BMP please know that I'm about to vent and it's not directed at you or anyone specifically, just at people who think the bold.

I am SO tired of being told it's me. I must have a bad attitude, or be ugly, or not be confident, or be fat, or be __________(insert negative man turn-off attribute here).

I know for a fact that it isn't me. I'm actually pretty. Skinny or fat, I have a perfectly proportionate shape and guys love it. Yes I'm dark skinned but most black men love that too. The hair is what turns them off.

Please lets not forget that hair issues don't only happen to women. How many of y'all had a negative mindset about your hair because of what you were taught? Don't forget that your brothers, uncles, fathers, cousins, and male friends were ALSO taught the same exact things about our hair. That it's nappy, ugly, unkempt, not attractive, not sophisticated, only for children, etc. etc. etc. They learn from the women around them, from the men around them, from television, song lyrics, and what they see on a daily basis.

Here's a funny story. A guy who's been trying to get with me for years saw my fro for the first time and there was an automatic stank look on his face. He said, "You know I love you but you look like you just stepped off the plantation. You're still cute, but you need to fix that".

Or how about when I wore a straight wig and dudes were breaking their necks trying to talk to me when just the week before with my fro I was invisible.

Or how about the fact that the women men consider "dimes" NEVER EVER have type 4 hair. The women guys run after at the club NEVER have a fro. The women that guys walk through the mall with NEVER have anything near kinky coily hair. It isn't often that you see black men in los angeles with natural women that have type 4 hair.

I understand that part of this is due to the area I live in and the black guys who are part of my social circle. But damn it, I KNOW it's not me. Men have their preferences, and their preferences are guided by the same f*cked up mindset about natural hair that causes 80% of black women to relax. Let's stop pretending otherwise.

 

[PerplexingComplex]

I guess in LA the filter is a supa dupa strength.

I must need to move there.

 

[andromeda]

I posted this in the other thread about black men not caring about nappy hair...I thought I may as well post it here as well. BlackMasterPiece said that maybe part of the problem is that I need to turn my swag on...and I'm seeing that being said in this thread as well.

Thanks. I think the confidence/swag explanation is a cop-out. I know several women that live in LA and other parts of the country. They are confident as all get out but bc they don't meet the local BM's standards they get less attention.

That's not to say that a man who might not normally be "into" natural chicks can't find a confident natural alluring. What I am saying is that in some communities, the anti-natural mentality is so ingrained that there's a serious bias toward natural and a woman has to do heck of lot to compensate for it.

The very fact that anyone has to compensate for their natural texture is revealing and the saddening...

 

[PerplexingComplex]

The very fact that anyone has to compensate for their natural texture is revealing and the saddening...

The bolded is so true, it's funny.

 

[FluffyRed]

Please lets not forget that hair issues don't only happen to women. How many of y'all had a negative mindset about your hair because of what you were taught? Don't forget that your brothers, uncles, fathers, cousins, and male friends were ALSO taught the same exact things about our hair. That it's nappy, ugly, unkempt, not attractive, not sophisticated, only for children, etc. etc. etc. They learn from the women around them, from the men around them, from television, song lyrics, and what they see on a daily basis.

Here's a funny story. A guy who's been trying to get with me for years saw my fro for the first time and there was an automatic stank look on his face. He said, "You know I love you but you look like you just stepped off the plantation. You're still cute, but you need to fix that".

Or how about when I wore a straight wig and dudes were breaking their necks trying to talk to me when just the week before with my fro I was invisible.

I understand that part of this is due to the area I live in and the black guys who are part of my social circle. But damn it, I KNOW it's not me. Men have their preferences, and their preferences are guided by the same f*cked up mindset about natural hair that causes 80% of black women to relax. Let's stop pretending otherwise.
.

Just like we had to learn to appreciate our own hair, so do BMs. And, yes, some black males have internalized the same self hatred that we have. But some of us have resisted and/or deprogrammed ourselves.

I feel the same way about men and women who hate nappy hair and cannot evolve and learn to appreciate it. Don't need 'em. If I were outnumbered, I would consider moving elsewhere if it was that serious.

Just like I had the mental strength to resist that programming, I need a male with that same strength, self esteem, racial pride or whatever it takes.

Sorry, I think the grown male vocal objectors are weak minded.

We'll never be yt enough for *some* blk males, no matter how hard we may try.

I am 90% positive that that conscious, grounded, single black male is not out there for me, so my horizons are definitely expanded.

Our community is dysfunctional in many ways. IMO, BM not tolerating nappy hair is on one end of a self-hatred continuum that includes those boys who beat that little boy to death on the far end. IN the middle are un-family-oriented, non-BW preferrers, anti-intellectuals, chronic convicts, and any other BM who is not trying to rebuild the BC. Those people are out there. No argument.

But the weak-minded among us do not deserve to lead the strong.

 

[princessnad]

I really don't want someone who has to "see through" my natural hair. He should love it like I do.

 

[naijamerican]

I posted this in the other thread about black men not caring about nappy hair...I thought I may as well post it here as well. BlackMasterPiece said that maybe part of the problem is that I need to turn my swag on...and I'm seeing that being said in this thread as well.

I thought your post was on point because I was starting to notice the same trend. You have really taught me a lot about the differential acceptance of natural hair depending on where you live. The fact of the matter is that all the swagger, beautiful looks, curvy figure, etc. won't mean anything if the only lens that one assesses beauty is that of long, straight hair. New York is not normal in the way that natural hair is viewed; the only other city I've ever lived in that is equally natural-friendly is Philly, and that's because (at least, in my opinion) there's a long history of Black Power/social activism there. Even areas like DC and Baltimore aren't as natural-friendly. So when people look at me crazy and I'm here in Maryland, I can't even imagine what it's like in Cali.

 

[Nayna]

Well, the apartment downstairs is free if anyone wants to move to NYC, its a brownstone too, lol.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

Ummm I'd like to take you up on that offer upon my graduation cocoslim no joke

 

[Nayna]

Ummm I'd like to take you up on that offer upon my graduation cocoslim no joke

You sure? I'm in the Bronx now... .... But my apartment is the business, I really love this place. However I'm getting out of here in a few, I miss living in Brooklyn, lol.

 

[jamaraa]

The title of this thread is SO on point. Not to discount anyone's experience, or even that of my own, but mindsets aside, it all comes down to preference. Straight OR natural, I just may not be someone's cup of tea. And everyone has a right to a cup of tea...or coffee if they prefer, but I digress. My point is, if a man is not into me, is it REALLY based solely on my hair?? I think so many factors come into play when we talking attraction, namely physical attraction. I know personally, my hair isn't stopping ANYTHING. I STILL attract men. Period..dot. I don't foresee a change in that forecast.

Regardless of who approaches me and who doesn't; I can't allow myself to care. Not on some self-denial...but on some, I don't have the time or the (emotional) energy it might suck up. I've mentioned before that I am into self-validation. My self-esteem wasn't always where it presently is, but I think that if we put more into self, than giving time to who we not pulling (based on hair), some of our "issues" would no longer be issues.

The best thing I ever did for self, was take time for self, to build up and strengthen self ;as such, I will not allow another to bring down MYself.

-S-

Thank you sistah..thank you. All this rationalization or seeking explanations doesn't change the facts you laid out. Some times they ain't feeling your hair and/or you, but that's life. Ya keep on truckin'.

 

[honeybuni84]

Tell it! I don't want to minimize other people's experience, but I get tired of hearing "men don't like natural hair". Really? I'm not buying it.

Me either..

i get more compliments, black and all colors for that matter. No, i am not type 2b silky; I am type 4a negro

 

[jamaraa]

I've heard women make the statement that natural hair doesn't attract men. I've heard the same thing about dark skin and again when talking about a few extra pounds. And guess what? I have all three and don't have any trouble attracting men (and sometimes women ) of all nationalities, ages, and stations. I'm beautiful... that's that and they know it. Whenever I hear a woman say she can't pull a man for any of the above stated reasons, I just shake my head. Cuz it ain't no way it's about the hair.

Amazing how many women say all this so blithely and how often they say it, yet they cry foul if they think they're being rejected for their natural hair. Nah, for many hair's the last reason they're having problems.

Maybe you have all those "disadvantages" in the dating market and still get yo game on cuz you have a great attitude and beauty as well. The 1st being more important than the 2nd for many people.

 

[laurend]

Amazing how many women say all this so blithely and how often they say it, yet they cry foul if they think they're being rejected for their natural hair. Nah, for many hair's the last reason they're having problems.

Maybe you have all those "disadvantages" in the dating market and still get yo game on cuz you have a great attitude and beauty as well. The 1st being more important than the 2nd for many people.

That's a strong statement, who said natural hair people don't attract men? Name names who said that? What some women are saying, is in this society you attract men with natural hair but you get more play with straight hair. I hear white women and white men say this all the time about blonds. Being blonde will get you more attention and play, that's why so many white women dye their hair.

 

[CurleeDST]

This is so funny b/c I have lived here since 1996 and none of what you are saying is making sense to me about DC and Maryland and natural hair.

Baltimore is VERY natural friendly are you kidding me? I get stopped on a daily basis about my hair. My husband told me just last Friday I had women admiring my hair in the elevator as we went to a jazz spot and another stopped me in the rest room to compliment me on my hair and according to her "I know hair b/c I am a hairdresser".

So I totally disagree...Baltimore and DC are totally natural hair friendly.

I thought your post was on point because I was starting to notice the same trend. You have really taught me a lot about the differential acceptance of natural hair depending on where you live. The fact of the matter is that all the swagger, beautiful looks, curvy figure, etc. won't mean anything if the only lens that one assesses beauty is that of long, straight hair. New York is not normal in the way that natural hair is viewed; the only other city I've ever lived in that is equally natural-friendly is Philly, and that's because (at least, in my opinion) there's a long history of Black Power/social activism there. Even areas like DC and Baltimore aren't as natural-friendly. So when people look at me crazy and I'm here in Maryland, I can't even imagine what it's like in Cali.

 

[jamaraa]

That's a strong statement, who said natural hair people don't attract men? Name names who said that? What some women are saying, is in this society you attract men with natural hair but you get more play with straight hair. I hear white women and white men say this all the time about blonds. Being blonde will get you more attention and play, that's why so many white women dye their hair.

LOL....gimme a break w/ the literalism, just read these threads....it's oozing w/ it. The SENTIMENTS are there. You did see what I responded to right? Did you ask HER to name names? Why just me? This ain't no courtroom. Get a grip!

Ironic that blending in w/ the multitudes is supposed to make you stand out, right? Sounds quite stupid when it's in cold black and white, eh?

 

[laurend]

LOL....gimme a break w/ the literalism, just read these threads....it's oozing w/ it. The SENTIMENTS are there. You did see what I responded to right? Did you ask HER to name names? Why just me?

Ironic that blending in w/ the multitudes is supposed to make you stand out, right? Sounds quite stupid when it's in cold black and white, eh?

I haven't read one thread that someone has said I can't find someone because I have natural hair.

 

[Hysi]

chiming in wita grin: i have to say since i Just bc'd i was a bit self conscious about it b/c i came from hair past apl, and still don't know how i want to rock my hairstyle, but i was just in marshall's last night and as soon as i walked in the door a handsome man was checking out and about to leave and i caught his eye right off the bat! he did a doublt- take, but i kept on walking and didn't want him to walk over (i's marr-ed) and my son was even with me who is big enough to be a boyfriend. but needless to say that was a positive. also the very first day i was hesitant to wear my hair and almost wore a wig, but decided to take the plunge and while in the grocery store a little girl who looked to be about 4 or 5 yro was passing by me pushing her mommy's basket and said, "you're so pretty" and she just blew me away. talk about confidence coming back! yall know esp lil black girls- they don't lie! if ur beathe stinks, they tellin! i think The Lord put her in place esp for me b/c i felt like everyone was looking at me and not liking it. they know me in there. one other note" the first time i bc'd i had MUCH shorter curls and i got attention out the wazoo! i think it made me look more sophisticated or something. even a well known t.v pastor sent a word to me that he "really" liked me and he was marr-ed. i still have people telling me that they loved that look on me. i don't know what it was, but it made me grown AND sexy, i think?*&^% ( i'm in houston)

 

[anon123]

So when people look at me crazy and I'm here in Maryland, I can't even imagine what it's like in Cali.

I went to MD in May and was at a restaurant with bf and this family was looking at me snickering. For a long time. I was really appalled and confused by their lack of manners. When the person you're looking at looks back at you, you're supposed to stop. My clothes were completely standard, mildly fashionable. I really was confused. I don't know for sure what they kept staring at, but I just guess it was my giant twist out. Nothing else about me was exceptional.

All this talk about Cali makes me wanna go visit my family again. I haven't been back for a couple of years and I wasn't paying attention. I've always been a dork and have always attributed any lack of interest to that, not my hair. I'm a bit more open now, so I'd like to go back and try my afro out there again.

 

[Nayna]

This is so funny b/c I have lived here since 1996 and none of what you are saying is making sense to me about DC and Maryland and natural hair.

Baltimore is VERY natural friendly are you kidding me? I get stopped on a daily basis about my hair. My husband told me just last Friday I had women admiring my hair in the elevator as we went to a jazz spot and another stopped me in the rest room to compliment me on my hair and according to her "I know hair b/c I am a hairdresser".

So I totally disagree...Baltimore and DC are totally natural hair friendly.

I gotta agree, they were loving the naps in DC! However I never left the general DC area so I can't speak for Bmore. My sis is natural and she lives in Hyattesville (sp?) and she says it's pretty cool too.

 

[naijamerican]

This is so funny b/c I have lived here since 1996 and none of what you are saying is making sense to me about DC and Maryland and natural hair.

Baltimore is VERY natural friendly are you kidding me? I get stopped on a daily basis about my hair. My husband told me just last Friday I had women admiring my hair in the elevator as we went to a jazz spot and another stopped me in the rest room to compliment me on my hair and according to her "I know hair b/c I am a hairdresser".

So I totally disagree...Baltimore and DC are totally natural hair friendly.

I didn't say that Baltimore and DC aren't natural-friendly. I said that they're not in comparison to New York or Philly, and I was also trying to convey that if, in a relatively natural-friendly place like Baltimore or DC I can even get looks, then I can't imagine how it would be in a more natural-hostile environment. Perhaps you disagree because you've had a different experience than I have had. Baltimore is definitely natural-friendly but like I said, nowhere compares to New York or to Philly. And once you get out of Baltimore and you're in other areas of Maryland, good luck.

I went to MD in May and was at a restaurant with bf and this family was looking at me snickering. For a long time. I was really appalled and confused by their lack of manners. When the person you're looking at looks back at you, you're supposed to stop. My clothes were completely standard, mildly fashionable. I really was confused. I don't know for sure what they kept staring at, but I just guess it was my giant twist out. Nothing else about me was exceptional.

Yeah, that's what I'm referring to.

 

[sheba1]

That's a strong statement, who said natural hair people don't attract men? Name names who said that? What some women are saying, is in this society you attract men with natural hair but you get more play with straight hair. I hear white women and white men say this all the time about blonds. Being blonde will get you more attention and play, that's why so many white women dye their hair.

It's possible this is true? But to be fair, even a lot of the women on the board get extra excited when they get to straighten and show length. I know I do. I think the explanation that men are likely to like long hair is true and that our straightened hair shows length better.

I love my hair curly and straight. I wear my hair curly and straight. I get ample attention curly and straight. And according to what's said here, I'm not supposed to, because I'm the furthest thing from the blonde size 2? 4? 6, maybe? that's supposed to be the outline for beauty according to society.

I grew up in a middle class neighborhood where I was one of two black families. Both black families had 2 girls and all of the girls, including my sister were older enough that I was never actually in the same school with them.

I've been told I wasn't beautiful my whole childhood. Actually I was called "fat, black and ugly" by relatives that were lighter than myself. And actually called "Denise the beast" by white boys that didn't know any better in my school. These are grade school years, mind you. My first crushes were on some of these white boys; I guess because that's where I lived.

I grew up looking at the same ads, I had the same barbies, and I didn't look like any of them. I was probably on a road to believing the hype til I spent a summer in Europe when I was 12. While there, I learned that I was considered gorgeous there. That everything about me was not just accepted but adored. Men stopped my mother on the street to tell her how beautiful I would be when I grew up.

When I came back, I had a whole new perspective. I decided to adopt their perspective about my looks. I decided since I was always the only one, that made me pretty "exotic"?. So I came back to 8th grade with a different outlook and that outlook changed everything for the rest of my life.

I'm sorry that we have to "compensate" for our naturalness, was it? Yeah, I don't do that. I'm sorry there are people that feel that they have to. I believe that's where you lose; when you "compete" with other people's insecurities and misconceptions. I think of myself as an educator. I don't have time to teach my mate, mind you. But I don't mind showing the rest of the world a different beauty.

I'm sorry this is so long. But I wanted to share my story. Maybe it'll help someone.

I mean, really, I only need the one. I can import if necessary. I can go to where he is. I wouldn't live in the middle of KKK territory and complain that I couldn't find a suitable mate, you know? I agree with Fluffyred in that I would consider moving elsewhere if meeting a mate that was suitable to me would be better for me.

 

[FluffyRed]

Yeah, that's what I'm referring to.

I've had people laugh at me. I've had people "whisper" (very loudly to each other) behind my back that I "must not have a man, because he would tell me to do something with that." I've gone into a barbershop for a trim and had the dude say he understood I wanted a trim, but take a 1/2 inch guard to the crown of my 6 inch napps. Can you say "setback?"

So I know what you mean about the negativity. Those people are ignorant and weak. I don't care if they outnumber me, by far. We're high on all the negative stats. Self-hatred is just one more. We're high in dropout rates, OOW children, infant mortality, literacy,...

All I need is one independent-thinking, strong person.

I've been told I wasn't beautiful my whole childhood. Actually I was called "fat, black and ugly" by relatives that were lighter than myself. And actually called "Denise the beast" by white boys that didn't know any better in my school. These are grade school years, mind you. My first crushes were on some of these white boys; I guess because that's where I lived.

I grew up looking at the same ads, I had the same barbies, and I didn't look like any of them. I was probably on a road to believing the hype til I spent a summer in Europe when I was 12. While there, I learned that I was considered gorgeous there. That everything about me was not just accepted but adored. Men stopped my mother on the street to tell her how beautiful I would be when I grew up.

When I came back, I had a whole new perspective. I decided to adopt their perspective about my looks. I decided since I was always the only one, that made me pretty "exotic"?. So I came back to 8th grade with a different outlook and that outlook changed everything for the rest of my life.

What an awesome story! What a strong, smart young lady you were!!!

 

[Rocky91]

Maybe I'm going by what happen to me just recently. I usually wear twistouts and get my share of men checking me out. Last month, I decided to do the pinkskates blowdry stretch and twistouts. It was kind of like aren't I the same person last week with my regular twist-outs. I had men almost breaking their necks looking at me. I was wondering now if I had straighten my hair completly what would have happened. To me it's sad.

to me, this is ALL about the fact that your hair looked longer after being stretched out-a lot of men like longer hair.

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

So hear me out:

This summer I took quiet a few trips to Habana Outpost in Brooklyn. Habana Outpost is a restaurant/bar/hang out spot. On the weekends, Habana Outpost becomes the place to be for a lot young adults in the borough. It's also the perfect place to go natural hair sight seeing. My friends and I used to go there to mingle, and we use to have a ball observing the pickup rituals at The Outpost. There was so much of it going on that we now call it "Brooklyn's #1 Pick up Spot", lol.

In my observation, the naturals sistas get A LOT of love. My cousin who visited from Jamaica this summer noticed this and was actually inspired by the natural beauties to transition. There were times when she acted like a borderline hata (lol), complaining that the naturals heads got the most love.

Carol's Daughter started in Brooklyn and Karen's Body Beautiful is also located in BK . Suffice it to say, I do think that BK's naturals have an edge when it comes to natural hair products and practices when compared to the general non-hairboard natural population. Furtermore, there is a plethora of natural hair salons in the borough. I hardly saw dry dusty looking heads of nappy hair walking around.

Plus I noticed the ladies makeup, accessories and clothing were always on point! I mean what looks better with a maxi dress than a big healthy fro and fly earrings?

I know my experience is limited and I know Brooklyn is a "special" place for naturals compared to the rest of the U.S. However,I can't help but wonder, are our fears based on fact? How are we presenting ourselves in general?

I'm not saying that some men don't like natural hair, I'm just wondering if we are allowing our our own perceptions and beliefs to hinder us. I mean if natural hair is preventing you from meeting a man, what excuse does the single relaxed heads have?

Like someone said in the other thread, I really think location has a lot to do with it. I can't think of any place in my area that I can go to sightsee natural hair (I am jealous btw! ). I can think of a lot of places I can go, however, to see weaves and fake ponytails. I'm in the deep south where I would wager 98 percent of women are relaxed.

My best friend is gorgeous. Perfect body, very confident and funny. When she was relaxed, we would go somewhere and she would get hit on like crazy. She went natural around the same time I did and now she doesn't get hit on as much. In fact, she'll tell me when she gets hit on now because it's not an everyday thing for her anymore.

People are saying in this thread that if you have everything else together, you can attract a man. But what if everyone else around you has everything else together with straight hair to boot. Wouldn't that make a difference?

Single women outnumber single men (I don't know about for the AA community, but I imagine it's the same). If a man walks into a room and sees 4 beautiful women, one with natural hair, all of the rest straight and he has a preference for straight hair, why is it so hard to believe that he would approach the relaxed ones first?

Men aren't looking at women saying "Wow she looks like she has a good heart, let me go and ask her out". They are looking for things that they were taught to find attractive. And in the south, I've heard too many little boys call someone 'nappy headed' as an insult to think they find it attractive.